Grace and Frankie (2015) s01e02 Episode Script

The Credit Cards

It's hard to breathe, isn't it? - Maybe I'll wash my hair.
- Why? It's what people do.
I don't feel like a person.
Me neither.
- Maybe I'll crawl into bed.
- Or a hole.
I'd like to crawl into one of those for about a month.
- I don't know what to do.
- Breathe.
This is the first time in 20 years I feel like I could breathe.
I would like to climb out on the roof and shout out, "I am a homosexual in love with Robert Hanson, who is also a homosexual.
" Okay, well, let's have breakfast first.
And then go to work.
And then let's not do that.
He's gonna keep calling! I'm gonna keep not answering.
Won't be as satisfying as hanging up on him would be, but I'll journal my disappointment later.
Just because we're out now doesn't mean we're going to be gay with a vengeance.
I know.
So What time is the deposition? Are you still here? - What the heck? - No.
Don't answer it.
- Who is it? - Whoever it is, don't let them in.
It's us, honey.
Me and Jason.
"Jason and I.
" Apparently, Amanda never went to high school.
We're here just to give you a hug and make sure you're okay.
Not okay! Not okay! Can you hold on a second? I'll be right with you.
- What is your problem? - What are they doing here? - They dropped by to see me.
- Who drops by? You call.
You make a plan.
You set it up weeks in advance and then you cancel three times.
Shouldn't they leave you alone and give you some space out of respect for our situation? Isn't that what we need right now? No, we need people who know what we need, because we don't.
That's why they're called friends.
Well, I'm not sure that's why they're called friends.
It's a German word, I think.
I can't recall the origin, I took a course Here, come on down, kids.
Put the phone in the cradle! - Mal! - Hey, Mom.
How are you? Oh, I don't know, I'm just Madison! No! Don't don't touch that.
The box clearly states ages six and over.
Sorry, go ahead, Mom.
There are people in my house.
Can you believe it? People! Frankie's friends thought it was okay to just drop by.
- Wait, Frankie is still there? - I know.
Right? - Frankie? - Hi, guys.
Oh, dear God.
Let me comb your hair.
Oh, honey, you look terrible.
Thank you.
- I It's just, I feel It's hard.
- Yes.
And everybody tries to But it doesn't work.
Because there It's the words There are no words "Bullshit" comes to mind.
But I'm so tired.
- Well, you just lean on us today.
- Yes, like I leaned on you when Amanda broke up my relationship with Josh.
Well, I'm pretty sure he stole the silverware out of my house.
It was flatware and he did you a favor.
Now, do you want to vent, you want to scrapbook, you wanna get revenge? Who told you about Sol? - Sol told us.
- He's just worried about you.
Such a humanitarian.
I can't wait to see his concert with Bono.
I've got to get her out of here.
Well, Mom, maybe she just needs a little nudge.
- That's what Brianna said.
- Brianna actually called you? No.
And I don't even think it was meant for me.
It started with "'Sup, bee-yotch?" Took my thumbs twenty minutes to type back "Wrong bee-yotch.
" Ha! Good one, mom.
Grace? Oh, my God.
They're coming.
I gotta go hide.
Grace! Come say hello.
Hi, Grace.
Jason and I want to take you girls to lunch.
Oh, no thanks.
- You have to eat.
- Yeah.
No, actually, she doesn't.
Come on, go with us, okay, because I can help you.
Have you gotten a lawyer yet? Because I know every lawyer in the state.
And she should.
She's used most of them.
Oh, here's the one for you: Shirley O'Reilly.
He's always been afraid of Irish women.
His mother was Irish.
Well, that's good, because Shirley is the best.
She will have Robert's lawyer crying in the parking lot in his car.
Well, I'm putting this one on the top of the pile.
No, no, no, wait.
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no, no.
- We're supposed to be taking you.
- It's on us.
It's on us.
Your advice has saved me hundreds in billable hours.
Did you guys know about Sol? No! Did everyone know? Was I the only one who didn't? I was shocked.
I swear.
I think everyone is gay.
Nobody knew, Frankie.
We all thought you and Sol were the perfect couple.
Stop calling! Ma'am.
Your credit card was declined.
What are you talking about? That's never happened to me Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
He wouldn't.
Oh, that bastard.
Try yours.
- What? - Here.
Give him your credit card! But our friends are taking us to lunch.
- Sir! - No, no, no, no, no.
- Grace! - Found my sunglasses.
Please, just Grace, what the hell is going on? Robert cut off my credit card.
Why? That way you can't make a big purchase until the assets are split up.
Like a "fuck you Lexus.
" Or lunch, apparently.
Sol wouldn't do that to me.
I never should have let you convince me to do this.
Sol, we didn't do anything wrong.
We just did what we'd advise anyone to do in this situation.
Frankie isn't "anyone.
" I should have warned her.
We talk about everything.
That's how we do things.
Did things.
- Do things! - You tried calling her.
How can she expect you to tell her something if she won't answer your calls? That's not fair.
This is a terrible feeling.
So which is better terrible with me, or terrible without? Terrible with.
Then trust me.
Uh, this one isn't good either.
That gray-haired prick.
Which one? Sir, please come get it.
I worked very hard for this card.
Thank you very much.
So, the guys are moving fast.
- Are they living together yet? - No.
Sol's very old-fashioned.
Okay, you need to get in your homes.
Take possession.
That way, they cannot kick you out if you're in there.
I don't want my home.
It was always more his than mine.
The beach house, on the other hand I love my house.
I raised my boys there.
Everything good that ever happened to me happened in that house.
You should go there.
- Right, Amanda? - Yes.
You should go live there.
Amanda says! - And she's been divorced three times.
- Three.
- Go take your house.
- Yes.
- Come on, right now! - Yes! Put your shoes on.
- You cut off their credit cards?! - I know.
- She's going to see it as a hostile act.
- Maybe because it is a hostile act.
Maybe her not calling you back is a hostile act.
Or worse, a tactic.
To keep you from moving forward with the divorce.
She's not that devious.
No, but right about now, she's gonna be pretty pissed.
Bud, the only reason we did this is because Frankie has a history of impulsive spendings.
Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about.
It's not a judgment.
Some people are emotional purchasers.
Nothing big.
When Coyote went into rehab she bought a ten thousand dollar yurt.
And when you left for college what was it she got? Depressed.
And an alpaca.
But she did crochet hats for everyone at Hanukkah.
We just don't want any of that.
Now, as soon as you're able to get in touch with her you'll feel better.
- Hello? - Fuck you, Sol! I'm going to my house.
Did you hear that? My house.
And you know what else? I'm going to hang up on you.
God, that felt good.
Frankie? Frankie? You okay? What happened? Nothing.
Mal? I need you to do me a favor.
Go to the house and bring some things over to Frankie's.
Wait? You're moving into Frankie's? Yeah, I've gone insane.
No! I'm settling Frankie into her house and then I'm going back to the beach.
With my stuff.
- That you are gonna put into my car.
- Uh Okay.
Um - Now? - Yes, now.
No problem.
I am I am totally there for you, Mom.
I am just going to call Mitch, and tell him to pick up the kids from Natalie's.
And, uh shit.
I was supposed to pick up Brianna from the car place.
Okay, you know what? No problem.
I'm just gonna feed the dog and then I will do my kegels in the car.
Uh-huh, okay.
- Go ahead, Mom, give me your list.
- My make-up bag, a couple of outfits My good purses, my jewelry box Grandma's afghan - Yeah right.
- A book on my nightstand, my slippers And Oh, gosh, bye.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Thank you for everything.
I think that's okay for now.
Thanks, hon, bye.
Ah - I'm two drinks in.
- Okay.
I don't get it.
Why does she only call you? She never ever calls me if she needs something.
You didn't even call her once this week.
Texting is the new calling.
And I even used a smiley face with heart-shaped eyes.
If that doesn't say love, I don't know what does.
And do you see a connection as to why she might not reach out to you? ish.
What? - Yeah.
I guess Hildy hasn't come yet.
- No.
French toast.
So? Dad can't cook.
Sol must've stayed here last night.
- Hello? - Hey, man, how's it going? Well, I spent half the day wearing a Post-it note that says, "All my dreams are dead.
" Oh, it's nice they got to know you.
No, no, look, look.
Listen, Mom is really upset about Dad starting the divorce stuff, and she's not even talking to him.
So naturally, he's going over there to try to talk Well, Dad's really good at stuff.
He'll be able to calm her down.
Robert's going too.
Well, that's gonna be a shit show.
- Exactly.
- She's gonna end up buying a Winnebago.
She can't.
They cut off her credit cards.
You know, I feel her pain.
Look, um we promised that we would be there for her.
And I can't leave work.
So I need you to go.
- Really? - Yes.
Yeah, I can do that.
Let me just take a look at the bus map - Oh, fuck.
- What? You still can't drive.
No, I can drive.
The DMV has asked me not to drive for 214 more days.
I'll send a car over.
Why don't you just go in? I don't want her to feel like I'm barging in.
This is your house.
You still live here.
Grace, Robert's here! Frankie, Frankie I reject your presence here.
You are invisible to me.
I'm sorry.
I should never have let this happen before talking to you.
Oh, I'm confused.
Are we talking about the affair or the credit cards? Oh, by the way.
You got a box from Zappos.
I ran over it.
I saw.
Hello, Grace.
What are you doing here? - I just came with Sol.
- Yeah.
I put that together.
Thanks for the heads up on the credit card.
I'm sorry.
But you know how this works.
You were married to a divorce lawyer for forty years.
Yeah, exactly.
If you want war, I can call Shirley O'Reilly right now.
Shirley O'Reilly? I heard she punched a service dog in the face once.
This is really hard, all this.
I mean, we can beat each other up and make this really painful.
- We can become "those people.
" - You know I don't want that.
Well, what do you want? Because this isn't your client's witchy wife on the other side of the table.
Or some psycho husband.
This time, the person on the other side of the table is me.
The woman that you were married to for forty years.
The woman that raised your children.
I'm the one on the other side of the table.
So how do you want to handle this? I don't know.
I've been a divorce lawyer nearly all my adult life and I have absolutely no idea how I'm gonna handle this one.
I know.
I was trying to call you to talk you through the process.
- Will you look at me, please? - Excuse me, I'm reading.
You're not reading.
Popular Woodworking? I have surprises too, Sol.
You're not the only one with a secret life.
You're a secret woodworker? What I hate is that barely a week after you've wrecked my life, you've already moved on to the legal and to lawyers and and stopping credit cards As soon as I serve you and you respond, you start getting temporary spousal support.
And that's really good.
It's always better than the regular support.
So you're gonna screw me over in the regular support? No! I want you to screw me over! Have your lawyer rake me over the coals and light my hair on fire.
I guess that might happen naturally in that context.
Not helping.
She is not gonna be happy that we put her stuff in trash bags.
I'll text her a beautiful apology.
Thank you for helping.
You're welcome! Can you slow down for two seconds and wait for your sister? By the way, I'm not going in there when we - Yes, you are.
- No.
- We're checking on Mom.
- I'm sitting on a rock.
Bree? Oh, Jesus.
Coyote's out of rehab? You didn't know? - No.
- He's been crashing on Bud's couch.
- He's he's living there? - Yeah.
So you haven't seen him since he went all Stanley Kowalski on your front lawn? Oh, this is gonna be good.
Coyote! - Hey! - Hi, Bree.
- Good to see you! - Good to see you, too! So what exactly is going on in there? I don't know, but out here, Mallory just found out that you're back.
'Scuse me.
- Hi, Mal.
- No.
- We can't talk? - No.
- I'm gonna go in there.
- No! Why would you do that? Because our dads cut off our moms' credit cards.
They cut off their credit car I'm not talking to you.
- They cut off our moms' credit cards.
- Come on, Mallory! No! I don't even know exactly what I did that night, okay? I I mean, I know that there were cops involved and I know that there was a I know that there was a car mishap.
But I Seriously? You're really gonna do this right now? You're really gonna make this about you when this is the first time that the four of them have been together since you know Gay-maggedon? - Arma-gayden? Is that better? - That is better.
Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- How's it going? Good to see you.
So why aren't you in there? What are you doing here? You told me to take care of this.
Well, I know.
I mean, I'm just, you know I'm back-up.
You're full of shit.
You didn't trust me.
Well, you are standing out here.
Which is not what I asked you to do.
I'm going inside.
No! No! Why would you do that? Why? It's so fun outside! And they're adults.
No one asked us to go in there.
Technically, I did ask him.
Do you really think we should stay out here? Or you just don't want to deal with this right now? Two things can be true.
What the hell is he doing here? Mitch is here.
Here's what we're going to do.
You're going to give me the beach house.
You're going to take our house.
I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to threaten, you're not going to cut anything off, and you're not going to use my words against me, and you're not going to win an argument just 'cause you can.
God, I'm an asshole.
Is that a yes? Yes.
I want you to have the beach house.
And I'll do everything I can to make that happen, and I'll take our house.
Although, when you think about the resale value Asshole.
Got it.
- Hey, boo boos! - Hey.
What are you doing here? You told me to pick up the kids.
Pick up the kids and take them home.
Was that not implied when I told you I wanted you to pick up the kids? You said you were going to Frankie's and that I should Right.
Right, that was implied.
I'm an idiot.
All right.
I'll I'll take the kids home like someone who understands English would.
Hey, Mitch.
I'm really sorry for whatever I did that night.
Addiction is a disease.
You're a doctor! You understand diseases! Hi, Maddie.
Okay, anybody up for a drink? Other than the alcoholic? I am.
I'm in.
Me, too.
Oh, you mean now? I really I really should stay and talk to Mom.
No, let me.
You asked me to take care of Mom, let me take care of Mom.
Let's drink at my place so I can walk home.
Frankie, I fucked up in a lot of ways.
But we're trying to do this right.
I get great comfort hearing that about you and your boyfriend.
I know.
I know how it sounds.
But Robert and I spent hours discussing how to do this in the fairest possible way.
- When? - When what? When were you and Robert discussing this? Was it last week or the week before? I don't know Were you talking about it last Saturday when you and I were sitting in this room? You know, about going to the farmer's market, maybe catching a movie Was that when you and Robert were deciding to cut off my credit card? No! I didn't even want to cut off the card! But you did.
Because Robert was worried about your spending.
Get out of my house.
I don't want to look at you.
Go live with Robert.
Okay okay.
I hear you.
- Let me just get my stuff - Don't bother.
I'm burning it anyway.
- We weren't really ready to move in.
- Oh, boo-hoo.
Sleep in the yurt, for all I care.
Let's go, Sol.
We should leave.
Don't be mad at him, Frankie.
It's my fault.
I'm an asshole.
Your mom was great today.
She really stood up for herself with your father.
And she's gonna get this house.
There's a strong woman under all that soft fabric.
- Yeah.
- Some people don't realize that.
She'd have to be, given what you've put her through.
She's all set in the food department.
And Oh, a bag of pot! She's going to be just fine.
Really wish you hadn't told me about the bag of pot.
You're all set, Frankie.
There's enough food in there for an army.
So Yeah, I'll get out of your way Was any of it real? You're going to make new memories, Frankie.
New and better memories.
And you can reuse the frames! Okay so I'm going to get going.
And you got food in the fridge Well, I already told you that.
So, we'll talk soon.
Are you okay? Yes, thank you, I will be.
I just need to do what I always do when I'm blue.
I hate my life.

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