Grace and Frankie (2015) s01e04 Episode Script

The Funeral

1 Frankie! Frankie! Oh, no Frankie! Are you oh! Are you ready? I don't want to be late.
Frankie? That is some expressive brushwork you got going on there, Byron.
Every single stroke is a choice to tell your truth.
I love it when you you quote me.
What an improvement, Homer, over the eye.
I can feel the sadness and the mania.
That wasn't what I was going for at all.
- Hmm.
- Psst! - Well - May I speak with you, please? Yeah.
Uh, guys, this is Grace.
Her husband is my husband's lover.
For crying out loud I'll tell you that love is cruel but it teaches us who we are.
Thank you.
Why are you still here with your convicts? - We have to leave in ten minutes.
- Ex-convicts.
They've already served their debt to society.
I love the nightlife.
Well, not Homer, but he's sick.
They had to let him out early.
Okay, guys, wrap it up.
I have to go to a funeral.
We have to get there early and pay our respects before Robert and Sol get there.
Listen, relax.
Sol is pathologically late.
- Great work today, fellas.
- Bye, Frankie.
- Thanks, Frankie.
- Okay, I'll see you all next week.
- Good luck today.
- Yeah.
- Usted estará en mi corazón.
- La vida es difícil ahora que Sol es homosexual con Roberto.
Let's go! Vamos! Let's go! We have to go.
Stop rushing me.
Couldn't we honor Larry some other way? Like stay home, watch TV? Didn't Larry get Coyote into rehab when there were no available beds? - Yes, he was a great guy.
- Yeah.
He gave me and Robert the down payment for our first house.
I know, I know.
We have to go.
Well, if we don't leave in nine minutes we're not going to be going to Larry's funeral, we're going to be going to Robert and Sol's coming out party.
It's not a coming out party! I know that! But it is the first time the world is going to see me with you and not my wife.
Not to mention, my wife is also going to be there.
Oh, God.
Honey, we have to face it sometime.
Heads up.
Why couldn't Larry have died on, like, our fifth anniversary? Blame Sally, she took him off the respirator.
- She could have waited.
- Now listen to me! I'm quite sure that everyone there will be focused on celebrating Larry's life and not on us.
Unless, of course, you insist on wearing those dreadful shoes, in which case, yes, everyone will be looking at us.
- Nobody will be looking at us.
- Of course they will.
People always want to know how the left-behind wives are taking it.
- I mean, wouldn't you? - I'm not like that.
- Everybody is.
It's human nature.
- No, I am one-sixteenth Chippewa, that makes me part eagle, that is not my nature.
Is that why you're wearing that ass-hugging dress? Exactly.
Yes, when I walk into Larry's house, everybody's going to look at me and say, "What a waste!" Wouldn't they be saying that when you walk out? - Will you just get dressed! - I am dressed.
You can't go in that.
I cannot believe you're going in those shoes.
These are my comfort shoes.
You wouldn't understand.
You don't have comfort clothing.
Why do you need to be comfortable? The funeral's private, we're just going to the house afterwards for the reception.
These shoes connect me to the earth! Once my feet are grounded, so goes the rest of me! Okay, sweetheart, stop making yourself crazy.
I'll try.
Less of my meshugas.
I'll l'chaim to that.
Um, by the way, maybe we should have some ground rules about how we want to be, um together.
- What do you mean? - So that we don't draw excess attention.
I wouldn't want to upset Frankie.
And I definitely don't want to upset Grace.
- But I also don't want to hide.
- I'm not saying that, sweetheart.
All I'm saying is, please, just be yourself.
I can do that.
- In fact, I'm already doing it.
- You certainly are.
So what should we call each other? - I like "boyfriend.
" It's got kick.
- No, no.
We're too old for that.
"Longtime companion?" No, too retro-sad.
It's from a time before famous people would play gay in movies.
Well, I can't just call you my "friend" without doing this.
- And I don't do this.
- "Soulmate?" No.
I don't even like that one when straight people use it.
Let's take my car.
It's faster.
I can't floor it with these heels.
You're going to have to drive.
- It looks like you made those shoes.
- Look at this.
Why are there caps on all the water bottles? - Just leave it.
- My God, there are water bottles and caps for days.
- You're stalling.
- This is basic recycling.
How quickly ecological entitlement becomes environmental rape.
You know something, if you don't want to go, don't go.
It's fine.
I'll drive barefoot.
Don't drive barefoot.
I'm coming.
Wait, wait.
We can't go there with our rings on.
I don't know, I was going to wait until the papers were signed and maybe - float them out to sea.
- I'm going to do it right now.
I should have taken mine off weeks ago.
- Ah! - Oh, my hand looks really weird.
Okay, sister, I'm doing it, too.
- Well, do it.
- I'm doing it! Do it! Take your hand out of your mouth.
- We made it.
- Not too late.
Come on, sign the guest book.
Sign it.
- Hi, Margaret.
- Hi, Grace.
Sign the guest book.
Then we'll find Sally, and get in and get out.
I think that's her through there.
Oh, look at all the people waiting to talk to her.
I can't even see the end of the line.
We're never going to get in and get out.
It's your fault! You're the one who told me to change clothes three times.
Well, all your clothes reek of pot.
Because I wear hemp, not dead snakes on my feet.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
- No, no, I can't.
You can't look either.
- This is a mistake.
Let's leave.
- Oh, no, no.
We can't, not now.
- Grace.
- Oh.
- Sad, sad day.
- Yeah.
Larry's going to be missed.
That's for sure.
- Sorry.
- Are you kidding me? Frankie, Sol's wearing the tie I gave Robert for Father's Day.
They can't leave us and share clothes.
Let's go get in line.
Would you look at them? The life of the funeral party.
Everything is so easy for them, isn't it? Oh, well, yes, Robert is my partner.
But not solely in the way you already know him as my law partner which he is still and we are, but we are also homosexual law and bed partners with each other.
In life.
Boy, this partner thing is really confusing, isn't it? It is, right? You people are utterly confused.
They are now.
I'm sorry.
I messed it up.
Please don't do that.
- Is your bladder empty? - Yes, it is.
Good, because we are staying in this line and not moving until we get to Sally.
Then we'll tell her how much we loved Larry and get out of here.
I did love Larry.
He gave Sol his job at the firm.
Robert, too.
- Maybe it's Larry's fault.
- I blame Larry.
- We're fine.
- Hi.
Oh, my feet hurt! Why don't you take those damned high heels off? Because they're part of this.
I gotta say, you boys really confused the Brinkmans.
Your sister called us "boys"! - Oh, dear - What? He wants me to call him my I don't want to get involved.
- We're having nomenclature issues.
- No, no, no.
What to call each other now that we're out.
- I can't help you with that.
- Robert! - Mr.
Marlow, sir.
- Yes.
How are you? - Good to see you boys.
- Good to see you! - Hi! - Judge Foster.
- Mr.
- He called us boys.
He's 105.
You know, I have something to say about Larry.
He has great taste in Scotch.
Yes, he did.
Oh, and about you boys, I know it's none of my business, but I think what you are doing is just terrific.
Very courageous.
- I wish you a lot of luck.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Could I ask you something? When did you first know that you were attracted to men? I mean, I had an experience when I was in Korea, but my wife thinks it was just horseplay.
- Oh, right - This is never going to end, is it? I thought we could do it in one day, but I am never not going to be coming out, am I? It's just a good thing that Daddy's dead because this would kill him.
But you're okay with it.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
It's all good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit, Grace looks stunning.
- Of course.
She's perfect.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm just Okay.
- Go ahead.
Grace! Ahh! So good to see you.
- Hi.
Oh, I missed you so much.
- Oh, golly.
- Me, too.
- Good to see you too, Frankie.
Very cute funeral outfit.
Would you save our place in line? And here, hold this.
Why do I have to wait in line? Because I'm walking away.
- Frankie? - Judy! - I thought that was you.
- And Peter, too? I'm so glad to see you guys! This is going to sound awful, but I was hoping I'd see you here today.
Put 'er there, pal.
Oh Gadzooks! I forgot you are such a gifted hugger.
Nothing like somebody dying to make you appreciate the love you've got.
- Mm-hmm.
- Speaking of that, where where's Sol? Honey, I already told you.
Told me what? Oh, my God.
Did Sol die, too? No, no, he's over there drinking a Johnny Walker neat.
Yeah, I told you, honey.
Remember? He's with Robert now - I thought you were joking.
- Really? Why would I joke about that? Why would anyone joke about that? No one would joke about that.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
- It's a lot, isn't it? - Yeah.
Would you excuse me? I have to count the bulbs on the chandelier.
- It's a hobby of mine.
- Bye.
We'll see ya.
That looked like a perfect storm over there with Judy and Peter.
Padre, excuse me.
If you're going to the kitchen could you get me two whiskey sours? One for each hand.
When Larry died, the first thing I thought of was you because I knew you would come even if you didn't want to.
I am really sorry you have to deal with all this stuff.
I wish there was something I could do to make it easier.
- But I'm fine.
- You are? Well, let's see I am standing here, I'm talking to you, my head has not exploded.
Oh, that's good.
It is good, isn't it? Because, oh, my God, when you first left? I was, like, "My life is over.
" "I cannot sleep in that big fucking bed without him.
" But I did it.
Now I love having that bed to myself.
It's fantastic.
I sleep in a giant "X"! You know what this means? It means I'm okay.
And I'm going to be okay.
Because I'm moving on.
- Ta-da! Congratulate me.
- Okay, well mazel tov.
Thank you.
Here, let me switch with you.
Put that in there for me.
Excuse me.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, this is where my place is.
You're mad at me for not calling you, aren't you? I-I-I don't blame you.
See, I thought that I wanted to give you space, but now I think I was in complete shock and wanted to give me space.
I'm sorry.
Honey, it's fine.
I wouldn't have called me either.
Oh, my God, I adore you.
If it makes you feel any better, none of us knew about Robert.
I mean, I grew up with the guy, and I had no idea.
- You weren't sleeping with him.
- And you were? Well, maybe four times a year.
It was seasonal.
Well, that's more than me and my husband are having sex.
- Who knows? Maybe he's gay.
- No, no.
You would know.
- I would? - Oh, you know you would.
Okay, yeah.
God, I was inside it and I didn't see.
- Am I that self-involved? - No, honey, he's that opaque.
Jesus go ahead of me.
We miss Larry.
One of the best.
Hello? I've been waiting in line for over an hour.
Now we're at the front and you're not even here.
Look, I needed some time to myself.
It's a lot to process.
I can see you out the window drinking a martini with Lydia! Are you spying on me? Yes, Miss Marple, I've been tailing you all day from inside a plant! I can see you making that "blah-blah" gesture - I've gotta go.
- Oh, it's "get in, get out" when you want it to be to get in, get out.
When I want-- Fine.
I'll talk to Sally myself.
- She's going to take a little break.
- For how long? Excuse me? For how long will I feel this sadness for Larry? - Aww.
- Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm sorry, little boy.
I've been waiting a very long time to talk to Mrs.
Harris and I can't account for you to cut in front of me.
What are you going to say to her anyway? What is there to say, right? That I hope great-grandpa Larry feels all my love because it's as big as a million kisses from a million angels in heaven.
Well, I guess that's better than nothing.
Is that her? How could you be married to someone for that long and not? - Are they talking about you? - Yes, they are.
- Are you famous? - Today I think I am.
- Can I have your autograph? - Go get a Sharpie.
Hi, do any of you bitches have some gum? - Grandpa would have been so touched.
- Oh, gosh, that is loaded with aspartame.
It will literally eat your guts out.
Enjoy! Sweet muscular Jesus.
Would you save my place for me? Please let us know if there's anything we can do.
Consider me on call.
Just say the word and I can come over with a sandwich or a shoulder to cry on.
- I mean it.
- Thank you, Robert.
I'm Sol, but if it's easier for you to call me Robert right now, I support that.
I'm wearing his tie anyway.
Just a sec.
- So, are you getting rest? - A little.
- Is it okay that I took your hand? - Of course.
When can you get together? I want to see your girls, too.
- Maybe we could all have lunch? - I am wide open.
Yeah! I'd really love to do it next weekend but that's sorry that's Connie's shower.
So Oh, that's right.
Oh, my gosh, I can't believe your baby's all grown up.
Do you have everything you need? Do you want me to bring centerpieces? Yeah, um Honey, you know it's just now, with the stuff with Robert and Sol I mean, you're still welcome to come, of course, it's just Mother will be there and all the aunties, and they're going to bring their kids I just thought, for your sake, it might just be a little - Yeah, awkward.
- Awkward.
You know how everyone can be, right? And it's just it's Connie's special day, so You understand, right? If anyone would.
Of course.
It's a family thing.
I completely understand.
Oh, my God, I do, I love you so much.
I'll be in touch, okay? And that's another thing, don't be afraid to let yourself cry.
If you can.
It's corny, but tears really are the holiest of water.
But you'll also want to hydrate.
Sally, it's been wonderful to spend this time with you.
And please forgive us for taking up so much of it.
It's fine, Robert.
I'll tell you something.
When my dad died, I found that a very small dose of Lexapro mixed in with some ice cream really helped me jump-start my way out of my grief.
Take good care, sweetheart.
Our prayers are with you.
- Thank you, dear.
- We'll check on you tomorrow.
God bless.
What are you doing? You're not supposed to monopolize the widow.
- I was comforting her.
- You were exhausting her.
Why are you upset? I've been sticking to the ground rules-- Great! But what about all that other stuff? - What other stuff?! - Like that other stuff! - You're too loud.
- You said to be myself.
- I can't hear you.
- You said to be myself! Okay.
But less of yourself because it's too much.
You're too much.
Too much talking, and over-sharing, and hugging.
And I'm sorry, but I told you those shoes are inappropriate.
Do you see anyone in this room with shoes like that? - I've worn them a million times.
- But not with me.
- Not with you.
- It's embarrassing! This is a somber business gathering.
There are ways of doing things.
Social mores that bind us together and organize the way-- Ah! Never mind! You're just not doing anything right! You're You're Oh, my God.
You're angry I'm not Grace.
There was nothing like walking into a room with that woman.
You miss her.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I have my own, so I understand.
But sweetheart What? I'm not her.
I will always talk too loud and hug too much.
And even if it's a business gathering for a professional colleague, there will always be meshugas.
Isn't that what we want out of life? - Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
You know I love you.
He's my boyfriend.
Oh, I am so sad for you.
Larry always made me laugh.
I really dug your husband.
I really dug him, too.
I can't imagine what you are going through.
I think your situation is much worse, dear.
- Pardon? - I'll be dead soon, but what are you going to do? You may live another 20 years.
Oh, well Oh! Dear, thank you.
Come on.
Time's out.
I've had enough of this affair.
I'll go get our wraps and pull the car around.
Oh, don't you want to pay your respects to the? Hi, Sally.
So sorry, Sally.
Let's move.
- God, I'm glad to see you.
- Me, too.
You look beautiful.
I am so mad at you.
You get to be happy now, don't you? - You're not losing anything.
- That's not true.
Oh, really? You have everything.
A week after you left, you had dinner with the kids just like it was any old Tuesday.
I know about that.
So what are you losing, exactly? Because I've lost my marriage, my extended family, my own family is broken up.
And I don't know if you know this, but I just lost my best friend.
And all I get is stuck with Frankie! Oh, shoot! - I don't think she heard.
- I don't know.
Shoot! Frankie! Frankie! - Don't you want your scarf? - Oh, I'm okay.
I'm fine.
Frankie? Scarf? Oh, God.
I think this is for you.
Let's go home.

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