Grace and Frankie (2015) s01e13 Episode Script

The Vows

I'm not sleeping I'm painting.
Looks like you're sleeping.
I go to a restful place in my mind and I let the painting come to me.
So what's coming to you? Sleep.
It works that way sometimes.
- Guy.
Oh, hi, Guy! - I can't talk to him.
- I don't know what to say.
- It's okay! - You talk to him.
- I'm great at this.
Oh, sorry.
I was just finishing up some late-night enchiladas.
Too bad you're not here.
I know how you love cheese.
I'll text you a picture of them when they're done.
Grace? She's around the corner, taking night watch Neighborhood watch you know, the whole watch thing about how they train you to do that, and they do it at night now because that's when the criminals, burglars come out.
I'll tell her you called.
You're right.
You nailed it.
You know you're going to have to talk to him sometime.
I do know.
Just don't know what to say.
Why would I break up with the nicest man in the world? He's funny and kind and he's crazy about me, plus he smells nice.
- There's a lot to like about Guy.
- There is, and I do.
- But you don't love him.
- I know.
But Frankie, if I break up with him, there's a good chance I'm going to be by myself for the rest of my life.
I mean, I know you're going to be here and all, but Don't be too sure that I'll be there, but I just can't stand the idea of waking up every day alone.
I could wake you up.
Maybe it's more about falling asleep in someone's arms.
I could do that too, but you won't like it.
You know what I mean.
I know what I'm supposed to do.
I just don't know if I can do it.
- Then you're gonna have to vlog.
- Well, how is that going to do anything? How is that not going to do everything? You become your own personal therapist, and when you really commit to the process, you find yourself saying exactly what you need to hear.
- Maybe if I got really drunk first.
- Oh, drunk vlogging, that yields nonsense.
But hallucinogens I've got some ayahuasca that will knock your socks off.
No, thank you.
- Guess what I did today? - Hmm? I found the vases you wanted for the flowers.
- You? - Well, I paid the photographer, and I found your cuff links in your Pringles can safe, and by the way, why do you keep that thing in your sock drawer? It's a bit of a tip-off.
They're not going to find what I have in my Heineken safe - because that's in the fridge.
- Not just Not so fast, please.
The girls are coming over tomorrow to do the table arrangements, and here is your list for today.
- Okay, Grace.
- Always funny.
- Did you do your vows? - Aw, jeez.
Six days.
Sol, are you sure we have to write our own vows? I mean, there's something to be said for being part of a tradition that's been going on for thousands of years.
Yes, who wouldn't want to be part of the ancient tradition of misogyny and homophobia? But you're so good writing your feelings and stuff.
You're getting the big wedding you wanted, and I'm fine with that.
- Just please let me have this.
- Okay.
What if what's in my heart is very similar to a poem by Yeats? It's not! - A sonnet by Shakespeare? - No! - A greeting from Hallmark? - Not listening anymore! - How'd it go? - It didn't.
You had dinner and watched two movies.
You just let him go to bed? Well, he was in such a good mood, and he'd never seen Home Alone.
- Oh.
- Tomorrow morning, for sure.
- After his morning muffin.
- Jeez.
- Hey.
Whoa! Hey! - Hi.
What's goin' on? Why's everybody up? - Ooh, is this a party? - Yeah.
You want a muffin? - Good night, Frankie.
- Good night, Frankie.
Oh, wait, she didn't say, "Say good night, Frankie.
" Never mind.
Yes, sir.
Can I get you a fork? Uh, no thanks.
I just was havin' this dream where the lasagna was eating me.
Well, who's eating who now, lasagna? - Mmm.
- Guy, can we talk about something? Hell, yeah.
It's just I'm so Has anybody ever told you you're a wonderful man? I think you're telling me that now, right? Well, you are.
- You're kind and you're caring - Oh, boy.
This can't be good.
Oh, you deserve someone who's I'm just not sure we're in the same place.
Yeah, I knew it.
When I told you I was falling in love, I knew it was too soon.
No, you were just being brave.
And you're so honest with your feelings.
You have so many wonderful qualities.
Oh, great.
Then I can come to you for a job recommendation.
Golly sakes.
- Is there somebody else? - No, of course not! It It's just that I'm coming out of a 40-year marriage, - and I don't know what I want.
- Yeah.
And you need time to figure that out.
Yeah, I get that.
Well, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you I'm not hurt.
- I'm so sorry.
I really am.
- Yeah, well, me, too.
And I I'm not going to let you keep me from hoping that you know, - some day in the future you might - Absolutely.
Well, you don't wanna wait too long because we are in our 70's.
Okay then.
I'll go upstairs, get dressed, and I'll go.
Don't be silly! It's the middle of the night.
With your night blindness All right.
Did you do it? Is it done? Did he cry? Did you cry? You cried, of course, because you cry at everything.
Oh, my God! Did he throw you out of your own bedroom? Is that why you're on the couch? No, he didn't throw me out of my own bedroom.
I volunteered.
- He was a total mensch.
- I've never heard you use that word.
I don't think I ever have.
But it's what he was.
So how do you feel? I feel terrible that I hurt him.
Don't act all weird.
- When have I ever touché! - Hey.
There you are.
Hi! Oh, don't you look beautiful.
I was lookin' all over for you.
How are ya? Hey, I know we're supposed to go suit shopping today, but guess what, there is this tailor from Milan, he only comes to San Diego like twice a year, and he's here today.
Unbelievable, huh? How about that? So I'm going to call him, and we'll go together.
I tell you what, I'm going to go take a shower and then Oh, Frankie, Battleship rematch later, huh? Yeah, um, yeah.
I-I-I don't understand.
Maybe you're not very good at this breaking up thing.
Did you do it in English? Did you do it out loud? Was he in the room? Yes! I broke up with him! There's no other way to interpret what I said.
We broke up! Well, somewhere between last night and this morning, you got unbroken up.
- Oh Oh, wow! - What? We must be witnessing the incredible power of denial.
- I don't think so.
- I do think so.
And I am a certified amateur psychologist.
I'm the one who diagnosed Bud's food issues.
- Misdiagnosed.
- The jury's still out on that, Grace.
But I am positive about this.
- What were we talking about? - Guy.
Yeah, right.
You've got to break up with him.
Well, I did! Last night.
Over lasagna.
He was sitting right there and I was standing right there.
Stop, everybody.
I am also a certified amateur sleuth, and I think I'm getting something.
Remember your training, Frankie.
Frankie, I am going to strangle you with the blender cord.
He eats when he's on Ambien and he never remembers the next morning.
- Oh, my God, you're right! - It was an Ambien break-up.
Grace, he doesn't remember.
If he doesn't remember You'll have to break up with him again.
Who does this happen to? I hate to deprive you of me during a crisis, but I've got to go.
Moving day.
Should Should I come and help you? I know you've been dreading this.
Oh, I'll bring my label maker.
Oh, I already have your label maker, and I thought I would dread this, but you know, my boundary work with Sol has been so productive and I'm ready for closure.
You, on the other hand, have a rotten job to do.
Would you like me to blow a little of my courage into your mouth? Thank you, no.
Let's put Gabby at the garbage table with Cousin Ricky.
You know, I'm not so sure how crazy I am about that term "garbage table.
" Trust me, Dad.
You need a garbage table.
You also need a drunk corner and a desperation annex.
Which I still maintain should be one big table.
The drunk and the desperate always find their way to each other anyway.
I think that's everybody.
- You happy, Dad? - Happy's generous.
Good enough.
So, Dad, how's the vow writing going? Was that Sol asking you to check up on me? Yes, look how many times.
- It's not going well.
- Well, let's hear what you have.
Sol I wonder That's all I've got.
So the end kind of peters out.
Dad? Come on.
We're cooking with gas, fellas.
And Dad has discovered the bubble wrap.
I like the little ones, but the big ones are also satisfying.
The tactile feedback is fantastic.
How are you doing with all this? I'm just glad that we're together.
Me, too! Hey, what do you want to do with these? - Oh, my God! - Robert won't want them.
Well, Grace won't either.
I'll take 'em.
Maybe I'll hang them in her car.
- Birdhouse.
- Oh, yeah.
I'll take that.
It's the closest I'm going to get to having my own place.
Oh, man! You see You told me that you buried this, man.
- What have you guys got over there? - Um, well Well, you remember when you used to say, you know, "Where'd my vase disappear to?" or "What happened to my crystal dragon?" Well, the answer is that probably one of us broke it and hid it in this box.
Is that what happened to my grandmother's little Dutch boy? Hello, Hans.
Oh, yeah.
I broke that one.
So you knew about this box.
Yes, but they didn't know that I knew, so I'm still a good parent.
Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna take all of this, I'm gonna break it more, and I'm gonna make a mosaic for each and every one of you.
That's really sweet.
And this is probably a good time to tell you about the Jim Croce keepsake plate.
For God's sake, Sol, you blamed this on the kids' babysitter.
I mean, I don't think you understand.
Sol's toasts at the Christmas party make people cry.
They make me cry, me! We need to find out what we're up against.
What are you doing? It's called opposition research.
We are going to find Sol's vows.
No, we cannot do that.
- Yes, we can.
- Absolutely not! - I cannot be party to this.
- Found 'em in a folder cleverly disguised as "Vows.
" Mal, you're gonna wanna see this.
- Oh, my God! - I know.
- Oh, my God! - Right? Oh, my God.
The part with the old man and the ducks on the park bench.
He loves you so much.
Oh, son of a bitch! Well, that's it.
The house is ready for the Chin family.
Do you think I should leave them some sage so they can get rid of our juju? - It's all good.
- Not necessary.
Super-sad disco party? I was just thinking about how when you and Coyote had a party I'd come in in my pajamas and do this to tell everyone that it was time to leave, remember? - Yes, Dad.
- Especially traumatizing.
We done pretty good, your mother and I.
- You sure did.
- Yeah.
Don't stop, okay? Aww.
Yes! Yes.
Don't mean to be rude, but I have a date with someone I'll never end up with.
And um You know, I don't have anything but he drives me places.
- Of course, of course.
- Be gone.
Get going.
Just before you leave, how about we light the Shabbos candle one last time? - Yeah, yeah.
- Sure.
- That'd be nice.
- I love me some ritual.
I can't believe this is the last time we're going to do this together in this house.
You boys could light candles at your place.
- Yeah, we could.
- Yeah, we'll totally do that.
- We should do that.
- Oh, that's what I said.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I've got it.
You guys go on.
- I love you.
- I love you.
I had forgotten how sweet the air is when the four of us are all here together.
I know.
And now we're never going to I know.
I have so much love for all of you, my heart - Hurts? - Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
It's okay.
Okay, how's it going? I think I've got a direction I like.
- Can we read? - No, no! It's not ready yet! Oh, well.
Any good? It's good, mm-hmm.
- It's - Nine pages of heretofores and thereins.
It's how I feel.
It's just a bit cold.
You titled it Robert v.
The V is for vows, it's funny.
It's like a joke, I mean, we're lawyers? I'm confused.
Did you want him to sign this? Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
- Uh - Well, what about the addendum? I mean, that's pure comedy gold.
You mean here where you cite precedent? Mm-hmm.
It's well-reasoned.
Are you suing him for his love? I told you it wasn't ready.
Eh Okay.
What do I just Oh.
No, that's no good.
Um Ooh, that's worse.
Oh, this is ridicul Well, that's better.
I'm here to talk about Guy, who is nothing if not a fantastic boyfriend, and I'm just acting like a crazy person.
Why would I break up with him? I mean, so it's not perfect What is? A 40-year marriage to a homosexual? It's so much better than that with Phil I mean with Guy with Guy Oh, my Oh, I can't remember the last time I said that name out loud.
Phil! Oh Phil! Oh, my gosh, that was something.
It was everything.
And the way his The way his eyes would crinkle when he laughed And I could make him laugh.
The way he kissed me.
I want that.
Guy is not that.
Sometimes you say the things you need to hear.
I hate it when Frankie's right! I'm pretty when I cry.
I'm really gonna crash and burn up there.
And I'll probably end up at the garbage table.
Okay, Sad Sack read this.
Only the parts that aren't blacked out.
Jeez, looks like the NSA had a field day with this.
It's only me, Daddy.
- I wrote this? - You did.
Either that, or I'm in love with Sol.
Well done, girl.
Well done, indeed.
- Don't be scared.
- Oh, God! Sol.
You could have given me a heart attack.
- I was trying to not scare you.
- Well, you're terrible at that.
What the hell are you doing here, and give me back your key.
What are you doing here? I'm, uh was looking for Frankie.
I thought she was with you.
Did she not show up Should I worry? No.
I was with her.
I'm just not right now.
When she left the house, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
What's going on, Sol? Why are you looking for Frankie? Did you have a fight? No, we did not have a fight.
Uh We had not a fight, more like the opposite of-of fight.
Is this a riddle? Because I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm in no mood You slept with her.
Oh, my God! You slept with her! What were you thinking? - I wasn't thinking.
- Not with your brain! - Oh, my God! - It wasn't on purpose! I didn't go there thinking that I It just happened.
She was doing so well.
Do you understand how this is gonna set her back? Oh, you are such a sh Such a Schmuck? Is that the word you're looking for? 'Cause that's what I am.
You know what it means? Contemptible person, from the Yiddish for penis.
A long time ago I used to think I was a mensch.
- That's a person with integrity.
- I know what it means.
I don't know what happened to me.
Well, in any language, I don't understand you, or any of this.
I mean it seems like everybody wants to get on the Sol train.
I mean, you're a nice-looking man and all, but seriously? I don't get it.
Maybe because I love very deeply and from my heart.
People can tell that.
- I don't care! - Okay.
Sol, why are you here? I want to make sure Frankie's okay.
Well, I can pretty much guarantee you she's not.
Go home, Sol.
I'll take care of Frankie.
You've done enough.
- You know where she is? - Well, I have a feeling.
Go home now! I can't.
I can't.
You're 72 years old, grow up! - Are you going to tell Robert? - Are you? - He'll never forgive me.
- Well, I wouldn't blame him, Sol.
What are your options? Either you tell him the truth or you start this marriage like you spent the last 20 years of your last one.
Oh, God! I know, I know, I know, I know.
So, what are you going to be for the rest of your life? A mensch? Or a schmuck? Frankie? I'm working.
Well, sandcastle is pretty impressive.
I'm building my dream house.
I've a problematic turret, so if you'll excuse me.
I just got home and found Sol in our living room.
He was looking for you.
So I slept with him to see what all the fuss was about.
Don't start with me.
Are you insane? Why did you do that? You were making so much progress on your boundaries and keeping your distance and you were moving forward.
- What were you thinking? - I wasn't.
I was home with my family.
I was with him.
- I just had all these feelings.
- What feelings? That maybe it wasn't over, maybe there was still hope.
Your husband tells you he's in love with another man, and you think there's still hope? I didn't say it made sense.
- Make sense of it! - I don't know how.
- Is there hope? - No.
There's not.
What happened with us is It felt wrong, like we didn't go together anymore.
It's over.
I still love him, but it's over.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It really hurts, doesn't it? So much.
And I feel so stupid.
You knew it was over six months ago.
I just seemed to realize it today.
You've been pretty smart about what I needed to do, you generally are damn it.
- Well, that's true.
- I broke up with Guy.
Does he know? Yes, he knows.
And your camera-phone-web-FaceTime thing, it actually worked.
- It's surprising, isn't it? - It was.
Out of nowhere this man I had a thing with just bubbled up.
I hadn't thought about him in years.
What made you think about him? It made me realize what could be and what wasn't, and I thank you for that.
- Glad to be of help.
- No, seriously, Frankie.
I wish you had a you to help you, but you don't.
You only have me.
Great, the blind leading the blind.
I think you're blinder.
Certainly deafer.
But here we are, sitting in the same sand.
- Yeah.
- Come on, let's go home.
You're just gonna leave this? It's not the first house I've walked away from today! You know, that tasty morsel you dropped about that man that you had the thing with - Tell me more.
- Maybe another day.
Maybe tonight over hot chocolate.
We'll see.
Sol, I love you for who you are and who I am with you.
From this day forth, I freely and joyfully join my life with yours.
Wherever you go, I will go.
Whatever you face, I will face.
I will care for you should you become ill.
I will comfort you should you feel sad.
I will bathe in your joy.
I am yours completely and forever.
I take you as my partner for life, and I will give myself to no other.