Grace and Frankie (2015) s02e08 Episode Script

The Anchor

1 We'll play in here, Frankie, OK? [Frankie.]
I'll be there in a second, Grace.
Bud, I can't talk right now.
Uh, I understand you want to vent about your father, but I'm not your man.
Call Aunt Irma.
[grunts, chuckles.]
Grace! Grace, I got a package.
It might be a gift.
It's really heavy.
It could be cheese.
It could be cheese! I don't think we have room for any more cheese.
- I will make room for cheese.
- I'm putting that on your tombstone.
And don't try to make a wig out of that stuff, 'cause I'm not gonna wear it.
I'm not even be insulted by that.
Oh, sweet Saint Gary.
- The prototypes for my lube! - Let me see.
Brianna needs my input on packaging, bottling, marketing, packaging.
- You said packaging.
- Oh, packaging too.
Oh, this is a big moment in the history of the vagina.
And the dry silent majority everywhere.
Oh, I can't even remember the last time I was this excited.
Oh, that's not true, I've been this excited a lot.
But I am really excited.
They're gonna put me on the cover of Lube Magazine! That's not a thing.
So, you want to know which one I'd pick? Nah.
I'm just kidding.
Which one? This one.
- Nah.
It's so much fun.
- [cell phone chimes.]
Frankie, you want every aspect of your packaging to tell the narrative.
You know, you have to establish a memorable visual.
Huh? Oh, my God.
Shut up.
You shut up.
No, look.
I think we may have to let this one go, pal.
It's a text from Phil.
He wants to have lunch with me tomorrow.
Oh, that's exciting.
Lunch with the Phil I-Forget-His-Last-Name, - Alexopoulos? - You remembered.
Where's lunch? Someplace romantic? In a way.
We're meeting at The Anchor Bar.
It's where I It's where we Oh, wait! Don't walk away in the middle of the story.
What did you do? Kiss? Grope? Fondle? What? It's where I first knew that he felt what I felt.
Well, tell me anyway.
Well when Robert and Sol would be away on their gay sex business trips - Mm.
- I didn't like the idea of coming back to an empty house after work.
So I would treat myself to a drink or two, or one time, four, at The Anchor across the street from the office.
You know, it's been there for ages.
Yeah, it and me both.
No, no, it gets better.
One night, it was about, um, three months after Phil stopped working on our house, and I walked in and there he was.
Just by chance.
He bought me a drink and we talked.
And we laughed.
We really laughed.
And at the end of the night, he put his hand on my back and I felt something that I had never felt in 40 years with Robert.
Oh, sister, you said the story would get better and damn it, it did.
So I started seeing him when Robert was away.
And sometimes when he wasn't away.
All those years, I thought you were stuck-up and boring as shit.
But it turns out you were stuck-up and interesting as shit.
- OK.
- Mm.
I don't know how to play chess.
- This is not my lube! - [man on phone.]
Excuse me? Mr.
Brajaja-hadad, I'm going to call you right back.
His name is Craig, he said call him Craig, you should probably just call him Craig.
Not my lube.
Not my lube.
- Frankie.
- Oh, don't try to sweet-talk me, Miss Peed-in-her-pants- at-her-tenth-birthday-party.
I had a medical condition.
That's This is not my recipe.
And yes, my vagina can tell.
Adam, can you please give us a second? - Oh, absolutely not.
- What are you doing? Oh, I have a few friends that don't believe Frankie's real.
So, just go on.
- It's not my recipe.
- Look, we need We needed to add a few ingredients for mass production.
Didn't you read the packet I gave you along with those samples? Of course.
I skimmed them.
Parts of them.
- No.
What? - It's nothing.
It's a little citrus seed, some palm oil Palm oil? Are you insane? Palm oil? Palm oil extraction destroys the rain forest.
And do you know who lives in the rain forest? Oh, I don't know.
Only our cousins.
- The Fleigelmans? - The orangutans! Oh, damn it! "Storage space full.
" Do you want us to wait while you delete some pictures? - Would you? - What is this face telling you? Bye.
Frankie, I can tell you're very upset.
So, let's just take a breath.
Let's sit down.
Let's talk about this.
Now you want your lube in every grocery store in America, right? And some of the more progressive car washes, yes.
Well, products like this can end up sitting on a shelf for a year.
And they need a little help to keep from spoiling.
Do you know how fast yams go bad? - Yes, six months.
- No.
Then, no.
Do you want to explain to the Good Stuff people why your lube has a shelf life of three to five weeks? In a darkened room? My lube is gonna be in the Good Stuff stores? That's the plan.
Also in the packet.
- I read the packet.
- You just admitted you didn't.
- Well, then why keep bringing it up? - Oh, to shame you.
I can't be a party to palm oil! Is it in all your products? No palm oil is in every product.
It's in the shampoo you use, it's in the Cheez-Its you're never not eating.
I bet I could open up your purse right now and find three things that have palm oil in them.
The joke's on you.
I can't find my purse.
The joke is absolutely on me.
Frankie, even if I wanted to get rid of palm oil, which I totally do, I do this is how we've always done things, since before I worked here.
- This is Grace's doing? - That's not what I meant.
It makes so much sense.
The enemy's been right under my nose the whole time.
What? No.
I'm not saying that it's her fault.
What I'm saying is that palm oil is ubiquitous.
Don't you try to hypnotize me with your corporate power jargon.
I'm getting to the bottom of this.
Frankie Bergstein, out.
Well, that was fucking art.
This is really great, isn't it? Way better than my beige-on-beige-on-beige hotel room.
I loved doing this when you boys were little.
You mean the four nights a year when you and Mom would let us run the AC and we'd all sleep huddled around it? Yeah, we'd play Bergstein Foot Jenga.
And tell Jewish ghost stories.
Is that what got you into Kabbalah? That was college.
I was trying things.
It was a girl.
It was Mom.
You know who'd hate this right now? Robert.
So What's the plan for getting him back? Well, I'm giving him some time.
Which is a non-plan.
But I know he won't have the answer I'm hoping for right now, so maybe if I let him thaw, he'll be able to hear me.
- Good plan.
- Nah, I don't see it.
No, no, no, Dad's right.
You can't talk rationally to Robert when he's angry.
Which is why I've been working from my neutral-toned hotel room.
He's angry even though you're not at the office.
We all hide until he calms down or until he eats a tea bag, which, by the way, he's been doing a lot these days.
Grace was very clear I should leave him alone.
Yeah, the problem is Grace still has her dignity and ego intact.
Take it from someone that has neither: You need to show Robert your heart.
That way he knows exactly what to stomp on before he takes you back.
I don't know.
No, believe me, Dad.
It works.
It's how I got Bud back.
Uh, full disclosure, I'm still not totally back.
He needs to know that you love him and you're not giving up.
I'm not giving up.
[door closes.]
- [sighs.]
- [beeps.]
[female voice.]
You have 12 new messages.
- [beeps.]
- [Sol.]
Hello, Robert.
It's me.
Wait, no.
It's not "me.
" I mean, it is me, but I guess I don't have the right to say "it's me" anymore.
I'm no longer your "it's me.
" So, anyway it's Sol Bergstein.
[R&B music playing.]
J'accuse! - [keys clattering.]
- Which means I know what it means.
It means you got too stoned again and tried to even out drinking too much coffee.
Green tea, but this isn't about that.
I know it was all you, Grace.
Oh, yes.
I talked to Brianna.
- I know all about the palm oil.
- Oh.
You do, do you? I know it's in all of Say Grace's products.
I thought this might come up.
Do you know what used to be in all of Say Grace's products? - Parabens.
- Ha, parabens, even worse.
I should do my one-woman show on parabens for you some time, "Para-Been To Hell And Back.
" You have.
Two times.
Don't change the subject, Grace.
I didn't.
Look, just so you know, we thought palm oil would be a better alternative for women's health.
It wasn't until just a few years ago we knew how terrible it was for the environment.
I've known forever.
What would Frances Mengela say? She wouldn't even recognize me.
She used to bare her breasts at the Republican National Convention, she would throw stink bombs at the Republican National Convention.
And now I've turned into a an orangutan-genocide profiteer.
No, you mean a profiteer of orangutan genocide.
'Cause the way you said it, it sounds like you're a morally bankrupt orangutan.
Not the time, Grace.
I can't lube a vagina with one hand and smack an orangutan with the other.
As an outside contractor, you don't have a say in this.
But what you can do is make a passionate argument.
And if you make a compelling enough case, they might listen to you.
You think a song would work? 'Cause I think I've got one.
Blood on your hands Blood on your hands Blood on my hands What have you done? What have you done? Blood on my hands Blood on my hands Oh, yeah, exactly.
No, I I think you've got this covered.
Uh, w-wait.
Grace? [door opens.]
Did you hear those crows? They were all like [mimics loud crow caw.]
That's not right.
No, it was more like [mimics softer crow caw.]
Damn it.
What are you doing? Being weird? It's soothing.
I needed something to do before I see Phil.
I was gonna clean your hairbrush, but I thought it would take too long.
- You guys having breakfast? - Lunch.
Well, you look fantastic.
Even if there's Mumbai-scale traffic, you've still got three hours to get there.
What if I'm not the person he thought I was? You know, what if we finally start this and he finds he doesn't like who I actually am? But he does like who you actually are.
Well, he doesn't really know who I am anymore.
You may not know this, Frankie, but I'm a flawed person.
[sucks teeth.]
I do know that.
You know who else knows it? My daughters, my grandkids, my friends, every customer service representative I ever interacted with.
Aren't you jumping to the end of the story a little too soon? I spent 40 years with a man who didn't love me.
Maybe I'm the problem.
You know, maybe I'm unlovable.
- You're not unlovable.
- Are you sure? Now you're fishing.
Guess what? You caught one.
I love you.
You happy? - What do I do? - This is what you do.
You stand up.
You put your damn purse on your arm the way you like it.
And then you do exactly what you told me to do with Jacob.
What did I tell you to do with Jacob? "Don't be an idiot.
" - That does sound like me.
- Oh.
[jazz music plays softly.]
Ma'am? Are you sure I can't get you anything? No, thank you, Gretchen.
I'm fine.
It's just, you've been here a half hour.
Please walk away.
See, it has to look like I just got here.
Off you go.
Is somebody watching us? If you're in some kind of trouble, take your spoon and slide it to the other side of the table.
Look I got here very early for a date because I was nervous and now I don't want to look desperate or insane.
So please do me a kindness and leave.
Oh, good Lord.
Phil! I thought I heard my name a bunch of times.
- You look lovely.
- Thank you.
So do you.
Well, I don't mean lovely.
You know what I mean.
Actually, I think that's my water.
I'm I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Tell you what, we'll just switch.
Where is that waitress? I keep trying to get her attention.
Um Oh, there you are.
- Hello, sir.
- Hello.
Welcome to The Anchor.
I'm Gretchen and I will be your server.
Can I get you something to drink? Let me take a crack at it, for old time's sake.
Oh, OK.
Crack away.
She'll have a vodka martini.
Straight up.
Very dry.
Two olives.
And he'll have a rye Manhattan served up in a rocks glass, with an orange peel instead of a cherry.
Be right back.
You're doing great.
And when you look at my chart, not actually my zodiac chart, but the moon chart from the year I was born, and compare that to your chart, you'll see it was literally written in the stars for us to have this fight [message fast-forwarding.]
Of course, if you did look at my zodiac chart, you'd see that I'm cosmically doomed [fast-forwarding.]
I guess I'm saying that it was so hard for us to get to where we were.
Are we really going to let one [fast-forwarding.]
I believe it was a young Mickey Rourke who once said [fast-forwarding.]
Actually, "hakuna matata" literally means "there is no problem here" in Swahili.
I interpret that to mean "there's no problem that's unsolvable" [fast-forwarding.]
[female voice.]
Message skipped.
To delete this message, press one.
To continue listening to this message, press two.
I'm sorry for the long, meandering messages.
The truth is, this was all way too many words just to say I miss you like crazy.
My heart hurts not being with you.
You're my person.
I need you.
It's Sol.
Sol Bergstein.
Frankie, we have a little saying here at Good Stuff when we like a product.
- "This is Good Stuff.
" - This is good - Dan, I was gonna say it.
- Sorry, Ger.
Jumped the gun.
Well, gentlemen, it sounds like our lube is going to be in your stores.
And we could not be more thrilled.
I've got to say, I'm excited to be involved with such an eco-friendly company.
Well, we really pride ourselves on that.
You should.
You are one of the first companies to ban all those foods which contain genetically-modified ingredients.
Oh, you've done your research.
Thank you, Dan.
That means so much coming from a fellow hermano del mundo.
I like you.
Huh? I like you, too.
And I'm sure something like palm oil must really upset you.
Oh, well, of course it upsets me, but we have to You know what, let's just stay focused, because I know that Stephen and Erica had some shelf schematics - they wanted to pitch you guys.
- Yeah, we call them "shelf stories.
" Oh, we agreed "no" to "shelf stories.
" Yes, and then we agreed to let me try it.
Would anyone like some Say Grace hand lotion? It's so good.
It moisturizes as it protects.
Let's just let Stephen and Erica do their thing.
Sorry, I'll put it on quietly.
Gerald, if you could just refer to page five in your packet.
I got nothing here.
Stacey, did I get a packet? Right.
From Say Grace.
No? [whispers.]
That's on you.
Ah, I'm so dry.
Let's get it all over.
Frankie? What the hell? - Oh, my God.
- Is that real blood? Sure is.
It's from the orangutans we kill so that we can put palm oil in all our products.
You know, apparently here at Say Grace we think that's "good stuff.
" Oh, I've got so much extra.
Here you go, Dan.
- Oh, no.
No! No! - Dan, it's ketchup.
It's a goof.
It's gonna be funny.
Dan, I'm in the dark here.
What's going on? - Uh, meeting's gone south, Ger.
- I'll go grab some towels.
- Gerry, I'm so sorry.
- No, no, we're gonna change it! We don't have to have blood on our hands.
This is a $3,000 suit.
Please take Dan across the street to get him a sweatshirt - and to get his suit cleaned.
- Yeah.
Uh, so wait, just like any sweatshirt, or Do you remember that talk we had about being more of a self-starter? Today's the day, Stephen.
I don't want a sweatshirt.
Dan, let's go.
Good to meet you, Dan! - What the fuck? - I'm effecting change, baby.
And let's be clear, there is no way in hell that that is a $3,000 suit.
This is not how you effect change.
This is how you destroy a business relationship I've spent years building.
Did you honestly think you could come in here with your bloody performance art and it would work? Absolutely, yes.
That's why I did it.
And I thought Adam would be here so he could film it.
- Is he sick? - No, don't sit down! God damn it, Frankie.
I mean, I only included you in this process as a favor because you asked to be taken seriously.
But in order to be taken seriously, you have to be serious.
I am very serious.
Well, I'd invite you to take a look at your hands and reevaluate that statement.
I'm not gonna stand by and have my lube No, my lube.
You signed a contract.
And you've made it perfectly clear that you don't respect that, or me, or the business that my mother built.
And so now I'm telling you I have received the message.
- Thank you.
- And you're out.
What do you mean out? I mean out the door, out of luck, out to lunch.
Just as long as it's out.
Go home, Frankie.
And if you haven't already ruined everything, maybe you'll get a check a few times a year.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What was your friend's name we ran into that one time? Her name was Joan and she was made of cigarettes.
I thought she'd caught us.
We were holding hands.
Thank God she died before she spilled the beans.
Oh, I'm sorry.
She just moved to Fort Lauderdale.
She did die, though.
To Joan.
You know why I picked this place? Yes.
Of course.
That was a special night.
Yes, it was.
It was lucky I ran into you.
Well, I may have known this was your regular Friday night spot, and I may have come here intending to run into you.
Well, I maybe made up excuses to see you, too.
Remember when I hired you to put in the skylight? - Yeah.
- I hate skylights.
[both laugh.]
What? What is it? [clattering.]
- What are you doing here? - [gasps.]
I needed to get some things.
You nearly gave me a second heart attack.
I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be home.
I took the day off, if you must know.
Which you mustn't.
You should have told me you were coming so I could have told you not to.
You shouldn't be here.
What were you gonna do with that? Bludgeon.
I thought it was a break-in.
I did tell you I was coming.
Didn't you get my messages? Yes, Sol.
I did.
All 18,000 of them.
But since the answering machine is in the kitchen and I did have to go to bed at some point, I could not listen to all of them.
I'm sorry.
You have everything I own.
Except my rain sticks, which were in my car.
There were actually some extra rain sticks at the beach house.
Are you deliberately trying to antagonize me? No.
I'll be out of your hair in five minutes.
I just need to get a few Whoa.
What can I do to help us get through this? Tell me what it's going to take, and I'll do it.
Name it.
I'm not sure there's anything you can do.
Are you telling me you can't get past this? I don't know.
Do you want to get past it? I don't know.
[door opens.]
[door closes.]
What? - I have to tell you something.
- OK.
- But you need to let me explain.
- OK.
I'm still married to Elaine.
This is where you need to let me explain.
Oh, God, I can't believe I got it so wrong.
- Grace, just let me - No.
I have to go.
- Grace! - Sir, you need to pay your bill.
I haven't brought it yet, but I was going to.
I will pay my bill.
I just need to Fuck.
[door opens.]
- [door closes.]
- Hey.
How was Phil? I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about my day, either.
Well, I think the person with blood all over their arms is gonna have to say something.
Brianna fired me.
From my own lube.
- I'm out.
- What happened? Art happened.
- Oh, dear.
- Performance art.
All over her office and this guy, Dan.
I'm not sure it was the best way to get what I wanted.
Mostly because I didn't get what I wanted.
You know, the lube was one of the coolest things I've ever created.
Oh and I fucked it all up.
Frankie, in business, when you want to change people's minds, you have to do it the way businesspeople do it.
You think I should have worn a suit? No, you you do some research, you commission a study, talk to experts.
And mostly, you show them how it can make them money.
- [sighs.]
- Jesus, you're good at this.
- Well, I used to be.
- [knock on door.]
Oh, there's my order from China Bucket.
[door opens.]
Uh, Grace? [door closes.]
You didn't let me finish.
He's way more handsome up close.
Thanks for letting me in.
Well, you got about five minutes before Jeopardy comes on and Frankie starts yelling wrong answers to the screen.
My situation is complicated.
So enlighten me.
After that night we were supposed to meet in the hotel, I told Elaine everything.
Even though I knew it was over for you and me.
We decided to get divorced.
I even got an apartment.
Then she got sick.
And I just couldn't leave her.
Elaine has Alzheimer's.
Advanced now.
God, Phil.
I'm s So, yes I am married.
But the Elaine I knew is gone.
She hasn't been that Elaine for a very long time.
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine.
Why didn't you tell me this before? I don't know.
That day you came to my house, seeing you I just wanted everything to be like it was again.
Even if it was just for a drink.
I thought that would be enough.
It's not.
[gasps softly.]
So what now? That's up to you.
What is Machu Picchu? Oh, shit!
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