Grace and Frankie (2015) s03e02 Episode Script

The Incubator

1 [Grace Potter's "Stuck In The Middle" playing.]
Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh, ooh Good morning, Claire Grace! Who's Claire? You're late for work again.
I'm on London time.
Well, then you're eight hours late.
Business day starts at 9:00 a.
, Pacific Standard Time.
And we arrive dressed.
- Having had.
- Having had what? Breakfast.
At the kitchen island.
Not in the workspace.
I'm still picking veggie-bacon shards out of my keyboard from yesterday.
I eat and talk with gusto, Grace.
Especially when it's about our biz, about which I am highly jazzed, because I'm on a roll.
I mean, I'm hot, man.
Not only am I an artist, I'm also a businesswoman.
I'm a hyphenate or slash.
What do you think? I don't know, ask Claire.
- I have an announcement to make.
- Oh, so do I! When do we talk about new business? All right, new business, 10:15.
- Can I make my announcement? - Nobody's stopping you.
We have an appointment tomorrow at an incubator.
We're getting chickens? We are not getting chickens! We are never getting chickens! Then why are we going to an incubator? It's a business incubator, Frankie.
You know, where new businesses find funding and start-up support.
We don't belong at a bank with our company.
We belong someplace where new ideas are embraced and Frankie, are you even listening to me? No, not since you said we're never getting chickens.
Is it 10:15 yet? I give up.
Yes, it's 10:15.
Hold onto your seatbelts, or hat.
No, you don't wear hats.
But you should.
You have the head for it.
- Okay, new business is over.
- No, no, no, no! We've talked about making a bunch of different products for older adults.
Well, older adults need easy-open condoms.
And where may I ask did this great idea come from? I had a dream.
Let me set the scene for you: I was shaving a cat, only it wasn't a cat.
And it wasn't me [door opens.]
Good morning.
Have you seen my truck keys? Um Your truck keys? I, uh I think they were on the smaller side table, next to the longer sleep table.
See you later? [door closes.]
You had a "dream.
" Oh, there were dreams all right, Grace.
Dreams fulfilled.
[Grace gasps.]
"Dreams" plural? Multiple dreams? Frankie, how could you not tell me about this? Grace, I am a private person.
You are the least private person in the world! First time I met you, you pulled up your shirt and said, "Do these things look right?" Look, I haven't had time to tell you because my whole life has been working with you and sleeping with Jacob.
This is why we need more coffee breaks.
I have been there for every "should I" and "shouldn't I" with you two.
How could you leave me hanging now? I don't know.
You've made such a big deal out of sex in the vagina.
And you were right, it is a big deal.
Right? Turns out sex is pretty good with a man who's not closing his eyes and pretending you're a man.
True, but condoms are hell to open and having a pair of scissors on the bedside table just doesn't set the right tone.
You guys use condoms? I still haven't emerged completely from perimenopause.
I'm gonna bet you have.
Well, regardless, Jacob is a pretty hot number, and I don't want to wonder every time I get a new itch or scratch down there.
Okay, score one for safe sex.
We're making a vibrator first.
We have to concentrate on that.
I like that you're thinking.
Keep that thinking cap on.
Keep it on real tight.
I love our new house.
I love our new fan in our new house.
If I wasn't married to you, I'd marry that fan.
"Man marries ceiling fan.
Honeymoon proves tricky.
News at 11:00.
" Enough joy for one morning.
Time for work.
I could stomach more joy.
There's plenty of joy to be had at work.
There's none.
- Come on.
- No! - Up and at 'em! - No! No! You're just a mean old lawyer.
He's gonna be here in ten minutes.
That's why I'm pretending to be working.
Well, then here are those imaginary file folders you asked for.
Got a sec? Yeah, I was just working.
Oh, Barry's here.
You can send him right in and then get out.
[clears throat.]
So, Sharon from HR is insisting I do this, uh, exit interview with you.
- You're actually leaving? - Yeah.
I told you I was leaving.
I gave my two-weeks' notice and I got another job.
So, yeah, pretty much.
How do I know that box isn't full of office supplies? Is this funny to you? No, it's not funny to me.
I honestly, I don't understand how we got here.
That's the problem.
You don't.
I like you, you like my dog, we both hate Sharon.
Why isn't that enough? It isn't.
Not for me.
I don't like how this interview is going, so I'm canceling it and you can't exit.
Goodbye, Brianna.
Well, well, well.
And here I had a whole speech prepared for when you were late again.
Ah, well, save it for tomorrow.
- Oh, hello.
- Oh, Jacob's here.
Yeah, I can see that.
Um Uh, the only thing is, you know, I took a vote and we agreed to eat at the kitchen island.
This table is our office now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So many rules to keep track of.
But since he's new here, he can have one last breakfast in the conference room.
Of course.
And please let the minutes reflect I ate my corn flakes before work, at the kitchen island.
Along with half a pineapple stuffed with cookie dough.
So, our meeting with the incubator is at 2:00.
And I've made an outline of exactly what I think we should say.
I also hid all your clogs.
Oh, not all of them.
[clog thudding.]
Did you bring it? - What? - You know Oh! - New business is at 10:15.
- Oh, God.
- What now? - Nothing, I Frankie has a really good idea.
Well, you know, it's funny.
Jacob and I were talking last night about the business Oh.
So, you two were talking about our business? Well, you know me, Grace.
I take my work home at night.
I don't just shut it down at 3:00 like you do.
We work till 5:00.
We were thinking, condoms might go over well at an incubator where a lot of young men work.
Well, based on what I know about tech guys, I don't think they're having a lot of sex.
- Hear us out.
We did our homework.
- Yeah.
We even mocked up a package.
Show her.
Well You poke and it pops right out.
"Poke and Pop.
" We're still working on the name.
Okay, you know what? That sounds like a super fun after-work hobby.
But right now, we have a meeting in five hours.
Which is why we only wanted five minutes of your time now.
Do we want the money for the prototype or do we want to sit here and think up new ideas? We want to sit here and think up new ideas! We're not doing that.
That should be the name of your autobiography.
I don't get it.
That should be the name of her autobiography.
- [Frankie chuckles.]
- [cell phone rings.]
Oh! Unknown caller.
Maybe I shouldn't answer.
Hello? Yes, this is she.
Hi, Trevor.
Of course I care about the snow leopards.
Why? What's happening? [Frankie.]
Oh, really? Oh, this is terrible.
Jacob I really love having a fresh voice at the table.
You know, my ex-husband had some great ideas when I started Say Grace.
But? Yeah, but, um You know sometimes it's really hard to get Frankie to focus on one thing.
You've seen her try to watch fireworks.
I don't want her distracted.
I think you just don't like it when you don't get your way.
I don't think anyone likes it when they don't get their way.
I think you like it a lot less than the rest of us.
You know what, I think I'll be more comfortable in the studio.
Do you have a problem with me? Actually, I do.
I don't like the way you treat Frankie.
You were horrible to her the day you crashed my lunch with the boys.
All right, I apologized to Frankie for that.
I didn't apologize to you.
I am so sorry.
I had way too much to drink that day, which is not an excuse.
No, it's not.
But you know what they say: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
That is not who I really am.
Frankie forgave me for that.
That's one of the things I love about Frankie.
She's very forgiving.
Yes, of course you can count on my support, just let me get my credit card.
Grace, can I have your credit card? We're adopting a snow leopard.
I'm getting my roommate's credit card.
Where is the thing that turns these into toast? Um [cell phone chimes.]
- It's here somewhere.
- Oh, God.
The nightmare begins.
The daily deluge of emails about Gina Taylor-Tang's divorce have started, and so has my acid reflux.
What is it this time? They seem to be taking very strong stands about the silverware.
Gina is willing to let him have the shrimp fork No, no, wait now he wants her to have them so, quote, "she will have something to eat shrimp with in hell.
" Really? Is this how I have to start my day? I'm watching a hummingbird.
Wait I'm watching a family of hummingbirds.
- That's an omen.
- Of what? That we'll need to get a hummingbird feeder.
I could watch them all day.
Then it's settled.
We're staying home.
What? You can watch them all day, but not at the office.
So, like you said, we're staying home.
- You said we're staying home.
- You said it again.
Where are you going? To change into my stay-at-home clothes.
Robert, we have to go to work.
We don't have to do anything, but unpack and buy that hummingbird feeder.
Aren't we a little too old to play hooky? Not necessarily.
Watch this.
[in raspy voice.]
Yes, hello, Bud? Yeah, it's Robert.
Hey, listen, your dad and I are not feeling so good.
So we'll come in if you really need us, but I'd advise everyone to wear a face mask.
Okay, thank you so much.
[record scratching.]
[dance music plays.]
Lady, you're going too fast.
- I almost walked out of my clogs.
- [softly.]
That's the idea.
[imitates record scratching sounds.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- We have a meeting with Highsmith.
- Oh, great.
Welcome to Partner'd.
I am Tim, your mood engineer.
Oh, but no, we're all full up on chunky jewelry.
Speak for yourself.
Oh, no.
These are for laser tag, which we encourage you to enjoy while you're waiting.
- [laser sound.]
- I'll tell Highsmith you're here.
In the meantime, have a seat, help yourself to room-temperature liquids.
Oh, well, maybe later.
We drank in the car.
[laser sounds.]
[Frankie chuckles.]
Stop it.
Let's get on our phones so we fit in.
I pride myself on not fitting in, but okay.
So here's the plan.
I'll talk first, and I'll keep talking, and you don't talk.
[cell phone chimes.]
- [laser sound.]
- [groans.]
Bye, girl.
Take care of our snow leopard.
[laser sound.]
That's Highsmith.
Oh! That's him.
Come on, Frankie.
Just remember, under no circumstances do you bring up the condoms.
Got it.
Unless it comes up organically, I do not bring up the condoms.
This is an incubator.
One baby at a time.
But when it's an incubator for chickens, they have a whole bunch! This is an incubator for human babies, one human baby.
And stop with the damn chickens.
- Have a seat.
- Thank you.
Oh, God.
[all chuckle.]
You guys okay there? - I'm gonna say "no.
" - We're fine, thank you.
Does this bother you? It helps me think.
- Not at all.
- It's a little annoying.
Ready when you are.
[clears throat.]
Well as you may know, baby boomers are one of the most under-served consumer demographics.
I've heard that.
And it's a demo made up of by far more single women than single men.
Makes sense.
Makes sense.
Single women in their 60s and 70s are the fastest-growing segment of the adult population.
- Really? - Yes! And while their bodies may have changed, their desire has not.
We at Vybrant intend to make the very first vibrator designed specifically for the 60-plus woman's body.
- That is fucking dope! - All right! Agh! [thudding.]
- Is "dope" good? - Yes, dope is fresh to death.
You know what else is hella dope? Easy-open condoms.
We call them "Let Her Rip.
" - I love it.
I love it all.
- [Frankie laughs.]
He loves it all! These are great ideas and you're both fantastic.
I see us getting stoned and watching The Muppets Take Manhattan together.
Oh, I'd be down.
And I want to bring you home and have you organize my closets.
Well, I'm very good at that.
But I can't help you.
- Why not? - We don't make things here.
We're disruptors.
We disrupt markets.
We break shit.
You break shit? How can you break shit without making shit? We break other people's shit.
Like, taxis become Uber, or books become E-readers, or going to the dermatologist becomes Rashy.
That's our new rash-identification app.
But we're that.
That What is that word? - Disruptors.
- Yes! That's what we are too.
Nobody's ever done this.
We could revolutionize a whole market.
And I believe it.
It's just We're a tech company.
Not a making-things company.
We'll always have this, though.
Grace, wait, wait, wait! Didn't I tell you not to bring up those freaking condoms? What does it matter? They don't make anything here.
Why are you so mad at me? We had a vision and a plan for a vibrator! And now it's all "Poke 'n' Pull" and "Let 'Em Rip" and our vibrator has been kicked to the curb! Well, you may not need a vibrator anymore, but I still do.
- Oh, I do.
I need one.
- No, you don't.
You're too busy burning through those fancy condoms with your boyfriend.
Who hates me, by the way.
- No, Jacob doesn't hate you.
- Oh, he told me he does! Ever since that day I got drunk and ruined your lunch.
Well, he is a little touchy about that.
Well, now I'm a little touchy about this.
[rain pattering.]
And now it's raining.
Oh, great.
Can I just Oh, here.
I must have lost the laser.
- Isn't it in your - Oh.
You know, peeking in a woman's purse is akin to looking up her skirt, just FYI.
And is that stapler yours? It is not.
Aren't you glad we stayed home this rainy day? - Well - Oh, come on, admit it.
It was killing you, having all these boxes everywhere.
Look at you, you're in bubble-wrap heaven.
God, this is good.
Wait a second, I thought these were supposed to go into storage.
Our CDs? We need them.
No, no, this is a smart house.
It's all in a cloud.
What does that mean? I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has something to do with this.
- [music plays over house speakers.]
- Some Pirates of Penzance, perhaps? - How about Little Richard? - Fine.
Go into the study.
- Why? Did you toot? - No! Just go.
You are so bossy in our new house.
That's what you love about me.
Go on.
I am the very model Ready? Ready! ["Long Tall Sally" playing.]
- Gonna tell Aunt Mary 'bout Uncle John - Ha! There are zones! I can hear my music, but I can't hear yours! I can hear my music, but I can't hear yours! Havin' me some fun tonight And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore ["Long Tall Sally" continues.]
["I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" continues.]
Then I can write A washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform And tell you every detail Of Caractacus's uniform In short, in matters Vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model Of a modern Major-General [humming.]
Sally, oh, baby Yeah, baby Whoo In matters Vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model Of a modern Major-General In matters Vegetable, animal, and mineral Bud? Bud, is that you? - Oh, you're blind now? - [song ends.]
Fancy meeting you here.
Where else would I be after it rains? I know this isn't a problem you can throw yarn at, but can I throw a donut at it? Perhaps.
[Brianna whispers.]
So, look, I'm not the best at apologies.
Um That's all you needed to say.
Hard to find the right words.
Grab some trash bag.
Anything yet? - No, but here comes one.
- Oh.
That doesn't look so deep.
- That usually makes us laugh.
- Why aren't we laughing? I can tell you why I'm not.
I'm having trouble with my boyfriend and my best friend.
Oh, Bud and Coyote are fighting? Solid burn.
What did my mother do now? It's complicated.
Business stuff.
And personal stuff.
And business stuff.
What? What? Are you okay? Yes.
Oh, look, there's a guy with a Frisbee about to fall in that puddle.
Uh-uh, Missy.
You want a full pardon, tell me what's really going on.
It would appear that Barry and I have broken up.
Oh, no.
I'm so sorry.
Are you all right? Not really.
I mean, it was my choice, but - It still sucks.
- Yeah.
Usually I'm just out with the old, in with the new, but this is different.
It's like this pain in my red blood thing.
Thank you, I wasn't sure where it was.
I just hate that I hurt him.
Look, honey, if it wasn't right for you, it wasn't right for anybody.
Believe me, I've been through it.
I needed to hear that.
Thank you.
- Oh, that woman has a cane.
- Oh, God.
- Ma'am! - Go around! Ma'am, it is not safe! She's okay.
So, problems in vibrator land? Yeah.
We can't raise the 75-Gs we need for our prototype.
Wait, what? My mom said you guys were fielding loan offers.
Well, your mom is a big, fat, skinny liar.
She must be freaking out.
Kind of.
I guess I could get ten dollars from every person I know.
Do you think I know 7500 people? Or, instead of getting a little money from a lot of people, you could get a lot of money from one person.
Your favorite person.
Oh, I haven't talked to Paul Reubens in years.
No, me, Frankie.
Oh, I can't ask you for that.
You're not asking, I'm offering.
I'm kissing up, actually.
On one condition: your partner can never know that the money came from me.
She would think it was pity, and she doesn't do pity.
True dat.
You're really going to give us the money? Ooh, "give" is a strong word.
I am going to heroically loan you the money for purely selfish reasons.
Clearly, I will be single at 70 and in dire need of a good vibrator.
I will hand deliver one to you on your 70th birthday.
Won't you be really super dead? If they make the advances in cryogenics I truly believe possible, no.
As a thank you take whatever you can grab.
There's not falafel in there again, is there? No, I ate that.
Oh, oh, oh, you don't want that.
- Oh.
Packet of butter? - No, it's a condom.
A couple loose candies and a condom.
The complete contents of my tenth grade purse.
Thank you.
Okay, stop, Frankie.
I'm good.
Thanks again for the soup.
It was delicious.
You're welcome, even though you don't deserve it.
Next time you want to take a day off, take a day off.
I fell in a puddle on my way to the soup place and saw Mom on a park bench laughing at me.
Your mom might be the nicest person in the world, but she does love watching people fall down.
She claims she tried to warn me.
I am quite certain she did not.
Hey, listen, Bud, we're sorry we left you with that crazy Gina Taylor-Tang.
Oh, she's tough, man.
She does not suffer fools.
But she's smart, and I'm pretty sure she was happy with me when she left.
Happy? Gina? - [phone dings.]
- Well, that's the way Bud goes.
Okay, she just texted me, and "I'm not happy.
" That sounds more like her.
We'll be back tomorrow.
Love you.
Love you.
What's wrong? I don't want to go back to work tomorrow.
He knows we're not sick.
Although, I still have the neck brace and crutches from my gardening accident.
We could say we took a tumble moving boxes.
Sol, I don't know if I ever want to go back to work again.
What? Why? [sighs.]
It's no fun anymore.
Do you remember when it was fun? It's fun being with you.
Yes, but why do we have to be together there? I've been thinking about this a lot.
Dare I mention the "R" word? Racism? No, silly.
It must have crossed your mind.
Apparently not as much as it's crossed yours.
If you don't wanna talk about it now, it's all right.
No, I I've thought about it.
And? - I'm not sure I'm ready.
- Hm.
Is this really what you want? All I want is to be in this house dancing in two different rooms with you.
You might be the sweetest man I've ever met.
Might? - Hey! - Hi.
What you doing? Well, there's this thing called Kickstarter.
Sounds awful, but it's either that or we sell Mallory's kids for the 75,000.
Or we can just use this.
Where did you get that money? Grace, I cannot lie to you.
Do you remember that prince who wrote to me from Nigeria? - [door opens.]
- Um Well, I was cleaning out my car Hey.
I just got a few more bags to get from the truck and I can start cooking.
Oh, can I help you with that? I got it.
Jacob gave me the money.
Get out of here.
Yes, the check.
Jacob gave it to me.
He can afford that? Oh, please, he's loaded.
Why do you think I'm with him? See? He doesn't hate you.
He believes in us and he forgives you.
He does? Yes, of course he does.
And he's terribly sorry about what he said.
Oh, he shouldn't be.
Well, he is, but there's one stipulation: he wants us to use the money for the vibrator.
Our vibrator.
It's okay to talk about the condoms.
I didn't mean to be so - Impossible? I'm used to it.
- Well I was gonna say "determined.
" - Well, I said "impossible" first.
- [door closes.]
But you're not.
You are a lady with a plan.
A good plan that I believe in.
- Where are you going? - Well, I have to thank him.
Oh, oh, you can't! That's the other stipulation.
I said there was one, but there's two.
He doesn't like messy thank yous.
You want Cheetos on your salad again, because I bought them.
Oh, Jacob.
This is how a WASP apologizes.
Go with it.
[Little Richard's "Money (That's What I Want)" playing.]
You're lovin' give me such a thrill But your lovin' can't pay my bills - I need money - That's what I want - That's what I want - That's what I want That's what I want What I want That's what I want They said The best things in life are free But you can give 'em To the birds and bees - I want some money - That's what I want - That's what I want - That's what I want That's what I want What I want That's what I want Yeah, I got me a wall going on On the poverty side Because I just can't stand being poor I really got to have me some dough [woman.]
Okay, good night!
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