Grand Crew (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Ah, shoot, anyone have a charger? Oh, I got you.
I know it's in here somewhere.
Just give me a sec.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, I didn't know you play tennis.
I don't.
Yeah, practical.
You know what, Nicky? It's okay.
- I think I'll be fine without it.
- No, it's definitely in here.
Just give me a second.
Nunchucks.
Maybe the charger's not in there? Oh, my gosh.
You are totally right.
It's definitely in here.
Just give me one sec.
Uh-oh.
You got that look, Noah.
What look? That look you give when you're about to listen to some Drake and then make some mistakes with an ex.
So what's her name, and what went wrong? - Her name is my dad.
- For real? I know a My-Leene, I know a My-Qweesha, but I ain't never met no My-Dad.
No, I'm talking about my actual dad.
He's been off at work lately, and I'm just getting a little worried.
You and your dad work together? Yeah, he owns an independent copy shop, and I've been managing it ever since college.
But yesterday out of nowhere, he did the craziest thing.
- Good morning, son.
- Morning, Dad.
He closed the door to the back room.
So? I close doors all the time.
It's part of my everyday life.
You have to know my dad to understand the gravity of the situation.
He never closes that door unless he's stressed about work.
But everything's been fine at the shop lately.
Then why don't you ask your dad what's up? Talk to my dad about his feelings? Nicky, did you hear what she just said? Oh, I did.
Fay, you a hoot.
Emotionally, my father's like that part in the ocean that everyone knows is there but it's too deep and dark to reach.
Wait, that's not unusual.
We all have deep-ocean dads, right? - Absolutely.
- Oh, yes, bro.
I love my dad and he loves me back, but he's only hugged me one time in my life.
And I think that was because he lost his balance and fell into me on the escalator.
I'm just saying the tension that builds from not talking can cause problems.
It led to my parents' divorce, which is why I vowed to always speak my mind, and it's been working out great for me.
But didn't you also get divorced? I did, but it was all my ex's fault, and I told him that constantly.
Look, communication isn't our problem, okay? On the basketball court of life, my dad and I have a Stockton-Malone, no-look-pass kind of vibe.
I can assist him without even saying a word.
Yeah, and in that metaphor, I'm the old white owner who watches the game from afar as Noah does all the work.
Exactly.
When he's sniffling, I got the meds on deck.
When he's yawning, I got the pillows on fluff.
And when he's stressing at work, I got the key lime pie on a slice.
Mmm.
That's nice.
I mean, that's his favorite, and it works every time.
Sounds like a tremendous amount of work - to avoid a conversation.
- Yes, it is.
Thank you so much for acknowledging all my efforts.
Now, Fay, I'm aware that you like to bake.
Would you perchance be able to bake me a good key lime pie? Yes, I am willing to make you one if you really want to keep being avoidant with your dad.
I would love to keep doing that, so thank you.
I wish a slice of pie would fix my family problems.
My older brother, Michael, is coming to town.
Why is that a problem? You'll get it once you meet him.
Michael is a lot.
A lot? How? Can you please pass the popcorn? Sure.
Here you go, dummy.
So he picks on you a little.
Isn't that just brotherly love? For kids, not adults.
As a person in general, he's a lot.
You keep saying "a lot" a lot.
'Cause he's a lot.
But I have the perfect solution.
Stand up for yourself and tell him to stop because you're a grown man with a mortgage and a wife? Of course not.
Fay, you sound nuts.
My perfect solution is the three-day visit.
Now, it's the perfect amount of time to enjoy each other's company, and just before his presence becomes too much, his a-lot ass is on a plane back to Pittsburgh.
What's with men? Fathers, sons, brothers, and not a single one knows how to talk to the other.
- Right? - Right? I'm sorry, Nicky, do you want to help with Dad? What? No, I'm one of the boys.
Just had another bad job interview.
These are becoming pointless, bro.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- And they never say it, but I know it's because I don't have a degree.
Damn.
- Damn! - Okay, that first "damn" was for me, but the second one was clearly about you.
What's going on? So I just started learning how to play chess.
And I've been playing against this woman, QueensGambit90, but she's been whooping my ass.
Damn! Damn! - What opening are you using? - What? I opened the app with my finger, bro.
- What do you mean? - Oh, Lord.
Give me your phone.
There.
Now take her rook, and you'll be on the path to victory.
You have no idea what to do next.
I do not.
There you go.
One order of avoidance pie.
Aw, that's would be for me.
Thank you.
So this is where you work.
I thought this was a place you make copies.
- What's with all the donuts? - It's called Copy and Donuts.
It's a pun on "coffee and donuts.
" I get the pun, but it's just a really random combination.
Come on, haven't you ever been printing a copy and gotten hungry for a snack? - Nah, bro.
- Well, this isn't "Shark Tank.
" I don't need to sell this business to you.
We've been open for 30 years, and we're doing fine.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
How much for a slice of pie? Oh, sorry.
This isn't for sale.
We don't sell pies.
We sell donuts.
You can't sell both? No, it's called Copy and Donuts.
It's in the name.
But does that have to be the name? I get it, you have some issues with the business, but you don't have to keep saying that.
I speak my mind, remember? Okay, well, please take a hiatus on doing that, because my dad's here.
- Good morning, son.
- Hey, Dad.
This is my friend Fay.
Fay, this is my dad.
Hello, Fay.
Nice to meet you.
Actually, she brought over some delicious key lime pie.
Do you want a slice? No, thank you.
I'm not in the mood.
He denied the pie.
So I can't buy the pie, but he got it offered to him for free? Oh, my God, dude.
Just take it.
Dope.
Hello, everybody.
This is my older brother, Michael.
Michael, is the crew.
Y'all must have lost a bet or something to be hanging out with my idiot brother.
- Big bro got you, Wyatt.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
So who y'all having sex with? - What? - Come on, now.
You know I heard about the crew.
Y'all out in these streets, except for this married chump.
You two hooking up? What? Aw, y'all, we all adults here.
Let's talk about a little adult content, you know what I'm saying, man? - Okay.
- Wow, he is a lot.
I told you.
Still worried about your dad? Yeah.
After you left, he really started falling apart.
- What's weird about that? - He was on the computer.
He never uses the computer at work.
He doesn't trust them ever since Y2K.
- Nothing happened on Y2K.
- Exactly.
He thinks that was a part of it and that something much bigger is on the way.
I just need to figure out what's going on.
But how do you find out something about someone else without ever talking to them? By snooping through their personal belongings? - Yes.
That's a great idea.
- For the record, I was just helping you complete your thought.
I wasn't suggesting you actually do it.
No, it was your idea, and I agreed to it.
Tomorrow morning, we're searching through my dad's computer, and it's gonna make everything better.
This is gonna be fun.
He's selling the business.
Someone wants to buy this place? I mean oh, my God.
I can't believe he's selling the business.
I always thought that I would take over the shop, but he's just selling it without telling me? This is why you don't snoop.
Well, you should've told me not to snoop, then.
- I did.
- Nobody remembers that.
Look, the answer is simple.
You need to talk.
And I know just how to make that happen.
When my parents didn't talk for this long, I just locked them in a room.
Isn't that the plot from some '90s movie? Yes, "House Arrest.
" Sometimes plots of movies are good real-life ideas: "Air Bud," "Soul Plane," - "Jurassic Park.
" - "Jurassic Park"? Yeah, so many people died.
You're telling me you wouldn't go to a park full of actual dinosaurs right now if you could? You're right, yeah, I'd be first in line.
Dinosaurs are the original birds.
So what do you say? You want me to lock you in a room? Look, I'm not gonna "House Arrest" my dad, okay? Now that I know what the problem is, I just need to Stockton and Malone it like always.
If he's selling, that must mean the business is in trouble, so we just need to drum up some business.
How are you gonna do that? Hi.
Do you guys have any pie? No.
We only sell donuts.
Really? My friend came by yesterday and said they had the best key lime pie they'd ever tasted in their life.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, homey.
We are Copy and Donuts.
- Noah.
- What? Oh, my God.
We need to sell your pies.
Nicky? Why are you in my home? And why are you here so early in the mo No, no, no.
You didn't.
Standing still doesn't make you invisible.
Did you sleep with my brother? And don't you lie to me.
Oh, yes, like, three times last night.
Didn't need to know how many rounds you went.
Just wanted a yes or no.
You said don't lie to you.
Also two more times this morning, ee! Why? You agreed that he was a lot.
Well, he is, but he's also so cute.
And I realized he's only here for three days.
That's the perfect amount of time to share each other's company before his presence becomes too much, his a-lot ass is back on a plane to Pittsburgh.
Those were my exact words about the perfect brother visit.
And now it applies to me getting busy.
Hey, hey, hey, raise your hand if you had sex last night and twice this morning.
Ow! Nicky! What? Sherm, I need you to make some more chess moves for me.
QueensGambit90 has been in my DMs heavy since you started doing it.
- I think she's feeling the kid.
- I ain't surprised.
Chess can be a very sexual game.
I think it stems from the tension between the black and the white pieces.
- So you'll hook it up? - Only if you help me polish up my résumé.
I'm still having a hard time finding a job.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
- Okay.
Checkmate.
Damn.
How'd you get so good at chess? When I was a young un, used to see this old heads playing Leimert Park.
One day, they invited me to play.
They used to crush me, until the day came when I began to crush them.
The student became the master.
That's right.
I got so good, I even started a little chess gang.
Nobody on the block messed with us.
We were made men, until the old Benny came around.
It was a Sunday afternoon Sherm, I'm sure this story gives a lot of texture as to who you are, but right now, I have a crisis.
QueensGambit90 wants to meet up in person for a date to play chess.
- But you're terrible.
- Exactly.
The only reason she's feeling me is because of your moves.
If we play in person, she's gonna know something's up.
I need you to teach me your ways.
You can't just teach somebody to play chess in one day.
You've got to live it.
You've got to breathe it.
It's not just a board game.
It takes time.
- I'll pay you 250 bucks.
- It's just a board game.
I'll teach you today, baby.
- Mmm, these are good eggs.
- I'm glad you like them.
- I kind of wanted to try some.
- My bad.
I thought the whole pan was for me, but I can share.
Here, Nicky, you want some, babe? Oh, no, it's okay.
Oh, it's happening.
Mmm, very good.
Well, we should probably wrap up breakfast.
We have so much to fit in since it's such a quick trip.
Oh, about that.
I have decided to stay.
- What? - Until when? Until forever, dummy.
That is so great.
It is? It is.
All right.
There you are.
- Thank you so much.
- Thanks.
What's this all about, Noah? Remember that key lime pie that Fay made? It's a hit.
People love it.
We're selling pie? But, son, we're Copy and Donuts.
Believe me, it was really hard for me to wrap my brain around it at first too.
But I was just trying to figure out a way to drum up some more business.
Why? The shop's doing fine.
But - is it, though? - Yes.
- Then why - Then why what? Oh, did I say, "Then why?" What I meant to say was "Then pie?" Would you like some? No, thank you.
Still not in the mood.
He denied the pie twice.
What the hell is going on? Here you go, more delicious ways to avoid communication.
Yeah, great.
Thanks.
What's up? Looks like things are going really well here.
Yeah, I mean, the pies are selling great, but my dad is still in a mood.
And on top of that, he said the business is doing totally fine.
- Then why is he selling it? - I don't know.
I can't ask that.
Okay, we're gonna get to the bottom of this, but first, can you help me carry these pies to the back? Sure.
- Hi there.
- Hello.
Okay, great, now that all the pies are in, there's was just one last thing for me to do.
- What's that? - "House Arrest"! Wait, Fay! No! Damn it.
Damn it! Man, that was fun.
Hot take: I love L.
A.
traffic.
Gives me more time to sing in the car.
You only sang one song over and over again, and it was "I Love L.
A.
" by Randy Newman.
I know, 'cause that's my jam.
You only sang the chorus.
Yeah, that's the best part of the song.
In fact, all songs should just be the chorus, honestly.
Yo, I'm beat.
I'm gonna take a nap.
Nicky, you want to join? Oh, I'm good.
Thank you.
Okay, well, the offer will always stand 'cause I'm here for good, baby.
Bow! This is a nightmare.
Michael moving to L.
A.
is the opposite of small doses.
In fact, it is an overdose, and you know what, Nicky? You know what? I blame you.
Don't blame me.
I wanted a vacationship, not a relationship.
I want him gone just as much as you do.
- Then help me fix this.
- Okay.
I am way ahead of you.
Trust me.
I have the perfect plan.
Wake up! It's time to train.
It's the middle of the day.
I've been awake.
Well, I just woke up from a nap! So let's get to work.
Polish Opening.
Wrong.
Bird's Opening.
Wrong.
Catalan Opening.
Wrong again.
It's the queen that's really about that street life.
She'll clap anybody in any type of way.
Blap, blap, blap! She wants all the smoke.
Dutch Defense.
French Defense.
Benoni.
Faster.
Again.
I think I'm starting to get it.
These rooks aren't looking for any trouble, but don't cross them, or else pew, pew, pew! Checkmate? Say it again, but now say it with your chest.
Because you did it.
Checkmate! - Blap, blap, blap! - Pew, pew, pew! Michael will already be thinking about leaving, and once the improve group starts to perform, he's as good as gone.
Are you sure? Because this seems like a pretty crazy and elaborate scheme.
Trust me, it's the perfect plan to get rid of Michael.
What's that? Michael, you're here.
Yeah, I was taking a nap underneath this blanket.
So you were sleeping and you didn't hear what we were talking about? No, I heard the whole thing.
I just kept on listening, hoping y'all would say, "Psych," but you didn't.
- Let me explain.
- You don't need to explain.
I heard the whole plan, and honestly, - it would have worked.
- I knew it.
But overhearing it works too.
I'm out.
What is wrong with the pie lady? Why'd she lock us in here? She just wants us to talk about our problems.
You have a problem with me? No, mm-mm.
You know, we should work on getting this door open.
It can't be that hard.
Noah, don't turn your back on me.
I'm your father.
Noah.
- Noah! - Why won't this open? Noah, stop ignoring me! Will you just shut up and let me try this? You don't tell me to shut up.
Did you just throw a pie at my head? You were acting like a child.
The guy who throws a pie is calling me a child? You're the child.
That all you got? You only hit me because I didn't see the pie com - Damn it.
- Stop dawdling around the issue - and tell me what's going on.
- I'm not dawdling.
I'm I said no dawdling.
It's just that I'm try Why didn't you tell me you were gonna sell the shop? What? That's - That's what's wrong? - Who is dawdling now? Damn it, I was so close to hitting you that time.
Me selling my shop is none of your business, son.
Well, it is my job and my life.
You mean the life I provided you.
You don't appreciate anything I do for you.
What you do for me? I do everything for you.
You have no idea how much I take on to make sure that you're okay ever since Mom died.
And for what? For you to leave me out of your most important decisions? Nah, screw that.
I'm done with you.
Ha! I got you! I didn't realize you felt that way.
I'm not hearing anything in there.
Is that the sweet silence of a father-son hug? Oh, no.
For the record, this was not part of the plan.
I guess being straightforward about everything you think at all times has its downsides.
It wasn't your fault.
That was just three decades of untapped conversation flowing out.
I said some really hurtful stuff, and I don't know what to do.
Excuse me.
Can I get a slice of pie? Sorry, there was an incident.
We're all out of pie, and I don't think we're gonna be selling them anymore.
Really? It's gone? I took too long, darn.
I took the pie for granted.
I was assuming it was going to be around.
I guess the life lesson is, if you love something, don't overthink it.
Just show up for it right away.
Well, that was interesting.
Yeah, that guy was being super weird about the pie.
Noah.
Oh, my God.
The pie is my dad.
There you go.
Michael, we need to talk.
I want to explain my actions.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I was wrong to want to get rid of you.
But the truth is, you are mean.
Oh, that's a weird apology.
It's not an apology.
You are not a nice person.
What are you talking about, fool? See, man, there it is.
Right there.
Now, that hurt me for so long, but now I realize it's the only way that you know how to communicate your love.
No, it's not, dummy.
I'm not dumb.
I'm a smart boy.
And I also love you.
Now, whether you're willing to say it or not, I know that you love me.
All right, whatever, man.
You're a clown.
No, I'm not.
I love you, Michael.
Okay, bro, just chill.
I'm chill, and I love you, Michael.
I love that you're a big old bald dummy.
- I love you, Michael.
- All right, stop.
- I love you, Michael.
- You smell weird.
I love you, Michael.
I love you man.
I'm sorry.
I love you too, bro.
Anthony, how was your chess date with QueensGambit90? It was not what I expected.
Thank you for flowers.
Yeah, turns out, QueensGambit90 is actually a 65-year-old Russian man named Oleg.
I'm sorry we put in all that work for nothing.
Oh, not for nothing.
I destroyed him in chess.
You stayed on the date with him? I had to try out my skills.
I paid good money for them.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! Well, I'm glad you were satisfied with my services.
Hey, look, I know you've been looking for a more steady job, but I was thinking maybe you want to try teaching or tutoring.
The way you broke things down for me really clicked.
Huh.
I might do that.
Oh.
Ah.
Oleg just texted me.
- You're still talking to him? - Oh yeah.
He's really dope.
And he actually cuts hair at a Black barbershop.
Hey, everybody, we are back, and I have some exciting news.
My brother is moving to L.
A.
Great.
I love this.
Wow, wow.
Look, I want y'all to know I think you're all really, really cool, especially my brother.
He's dope.
And I don't expect a ton of your time.
Just think of me as someone you can call if you ever want to use me.
Mostly that's for you, Nicky, - for the sex.
- Oh, yeah, I got it.
- 'Cause I'm ready.
- Great.
So, Mr.
Coleman, this is a special Pinot from Theopolis Vineyards.
It's a crisp and apologetic wine.
It's a wine that says, "I am so sorry I locked you in that room.
" - Thank you.
- That was nice.
Does my wine have a nice message attached to it? Yes, it says, "It'll be $400 to pay me back for all those pies.
" So I invited you here because I think we need to actually talk.
Agreed.
But first, cheers.
Cheers.
Okay, I'm ready.
Noah, I'm selling the business because I'm thinking about retiring.
Why didn't you want to tell me that? Because I didn't want to put the burden of the shop onto you.
I always thought you came to work at the shop after college because you didn't want me to be lonely.
I feel like I took away the opportunity for you to pursue your true passions, so selling it after I retire seemed like the best way to set you free.
You didn't make me come back to the shop.
I came there because honestly I love working with you.
So we're both just trying to take care of the other and doing it all wrong, huh? Maybe I'll put my plans to sell the shop on hold.
Very cool.
Yeah, that's really cool.
Maybe we could get drinks like this more often.
I'd like that.
I love you, Noah.
I love you too, Dad.
What'd I tell you about leaving your cell phone out like that? Y2K is done, Dad.
That's what the machines want you to think.
You guys wanted to see me? Is everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine.
I just thought it'd be a good idea if you and Dad started talking a little bit more.
Talking? Me, Dad? But why? - "House Arrest"! - Take a seat, Nicky.
Okay.
Okay, let's talk.