Greek s01e05 Episode Script

Previously on Greek Our first date function of the year gives you nutbags three days to find a date.
- That's her? - That's her.
- What if she doesn't like me? - She likes everybody.
This isn't really how I imagined my first time.
I just thought it would mean something more.
Frannie started doubting my loyalty to Omega Chi.
Are you doubting me too? - Do they know? - I'm not gonna tell 'em.
Certain things you just have to accept about yourself.
I suck at hockey.
- And I'm gay.
- What? Now it's my turn to ask you a question.
- Things between - Can you forgive me? I'm thinking I'll wear blue to the tea, then black to the president's dinner.
Or is black too sexpot? What's wrong with sexpot? You look good in sexpot.
And I'm sure your parents would think so too.
Sex-pottery is the first thing you should bring up with my parents.
Come on, be serious.
So what shouldn't I bring up? Reality tv.
My mother thinks it's beneath contempt.
She's on the board at PBS, so I'll cram in a few episodes of Masterpiece Theater.
And as for my dad, he just got burned trying to buy an IT company, so don't mention technology.
He'll go ballistic.
- Okay, no technology.
- Yeah, no technology.
I guess the number one topic to avoid is my brother Patrick.
- The one who - Lives in Costa Rica, wears mandals, has dreadlocks.
That's him.
Don't worry, you're gonna be great.
It's just that I know how important they are to you and the rest of the world.
I mean, you're, like, part of a dynasty.
The Chambers of Chambers International and the Chambers Foundation.
I mean, your father's being honored for donating a building to CRU.
That's major.
I'm used to it, I guess.
I love that it's no big deal to you.
It's Sexy.
Someday, you and I will have a dynasty of our own.
In 79 AD, on some date right around now, the mighty mount Vesuvius erupted, laying waste to the citizens of Pompeii.
Each year we honor those lost souls With beer bongs and hotties! Vesuvius is a homecoming legend.
No one on greek row even tries to compete on this night.
It's the party against which all other parties are judged.
Do we need dates? No, little man.
Dates are for date functions.
This is a party.
Parties are for random hookups.
This is a perfect opportunity for you to hone your game.
I got it.
He's got it.
Crush basket delivery.
What's a crush basket? "A crush basket is one of the many ways a ZBZ girl, or any other sorority girl, for that matter, can let a guy know that she's interested in him.
" ZBZ handbook.
Do you want some help? Maybe you can pick that up while I take these in.
Crush baskets! I'm Jen K.
There are three other Jens in the ZBZ house.
Jen R, Jen B, and Jen Y.
Funny? Jen y, like "gen-y.
" So what's your name? Rusty C.
For Cartwright.
Cartwright! There's a Cartwright in my sorority.
We have to memorize everyone for pledging.
Casey Cartwright, junior.
ZBZ pledge educator.
Favorite color, pink.
One brother.
Are you the brother? But Casey and I aren't exactly in the same social.
circle.
As in probably none of those crush baskets are for me.
One more.
This is for Cappie.
From all the girls at Tri Pi.
I gotta go.
Bye.
Come on.
We've got a meeting to finish up in here.
This is for you.
So many Tri Pis, so little shame.
What about those two? Ben Bennett and Rusty.
"From your ZBZ secret admirer.
" Get the camera.
Our little Rusty just got his first crush basket.
Greek 1x05 Liquid Courage Do you realize what this means? The basket isn't from your sister, I hope.
Somebody already likes me.
I could actually get a girlfriend without having to do all the stuff I'm terrible at.
Like talking to girls.
We gotta figure out who she is, so I don't do something stupid in front of her without knowing it.
Don't rush me.
What is this? "Wear this t-shirt to Vesuvius.
" You're gonna look like a traffic cone.
I guess she'll be able to pick you out of the crowd.
I can't believe she called me sexy.
I wonder who she is.
Settle down.
She's going to reveal herself to you at the party, so you just have to avoid doing something embarrassing for 48 hours.
I can do that.
Your fly's open.
I do believe it was he.
How now, my lord? I've been talking with a suitor Are they even speaking english? It's Shakespeare.
What do you think? Is it Katie Couric or Meredith Vieira? Neither.
What's up with the bad news anchor fashion? There are certain expectations that come with being a Chambers.
They're american royalty.
I want to live up to those expectations.
American royalty? So you could be like Princess Diana.
- Before the tunnel.
- Exactly.
I didn't know middle-aged matron was in this season.
I was thinking, maybe we could spend a little more time together.
Go do something Clothed.
You mean something like pick you up in my dad's minivan, bring you some flowers, pay for a movie, and hope you hold my hand during the scary parts? What did you have in mind? I don't know.
Grab some food? Well, we all gotta eat.
I'll give you a call.
I'm so glad you could come see the house.
Casey's probably gonna be president of ZBZ next year Isn't that great? Good for you.
We're so pleased that Evan decided to run for Omega Chi President.
It's a great thing to have on that resume if you want to get into politics.
Evan's very political.
Yesterday we were watching Frontline.
I don't know many girls your age that watch public television.
All the time.
In fact, I just saw the most wonderful adaptation of Othello on PBS.
The staging of Desdemona's murder was incredibly powerful.
I helped secure the funding - for that production.
- You're kidding! You have excellent taste.
I like to think so.
That's why you were trying on all those clothes.
These must be Evan's parents.
A pleasure.
Evan totally has your eyes.
I'm Rebecca Logan.
Casey's my big sis in the sorority.
You're senator Logan's daughter.
We heard you were going to school here.
You didn't mention you knew her.
Must have slipped my mind.
Casey didn't mention you either, which is surprising because Casey and I share everything when it comes to Evan.
Right, Casey? I just read about the new IT company you're acquiring.
You must be thrilled.
It's your biggest deal ever, right? Deal didn't go through.
Some political antitrust bull.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's too bad we didn't meet earlier.
Maybe my father could have helped out.
Next time.
Why don't you join us? She Rebecca's a very busy person.
Just like your mother.
Besides, you're here to get to know Casey, not boring old me.
Congratulations on being honored this weekend.
Thank you.
Gentlemen, behind this tarp sits an important piece of Kappa Tau lore.
It was built in 1999 by the legendary Kappa Tau egyptian Joe, who was inspired after a weekend of special brownies, and a real walk through Hawaii marathon.
Last year this baby violated several local fire ordinances and one law of physics.
And after eight years at Cyprus-Rhodes, Joe was forced to leave.
His proud creation lives on.
I give you Vesuvius! Let's light this mother up.
What the Well, let's not panic yet.
Now you can panic.
Wait, what does this mean? This means we're doomed.
This could be worse than the O'Doul's debacle of '05.
Who knew O'Doul's didn't have - alcohol in it? - Everybody knew.
If only we could figure out the volcano's instruction manual.
It's pretty science-y.
I'm science-y.
Give me the manual, I'll fix the volcano.
You sure, pledge? Because if you do this, this party is in your hands.
Your small, delicate Very girlish hands.
This volcano is gonna break two laws of physics.
We're counting on you.
Just our reputation as Party Mecca, my legacy as President, and your love life ride on this.
No pressure.
Come on, time for a shopping trip.
You've gotta help me find a new dress for Mr.
Chambers' dinner.
You are totally overreacting.
So rebecca logan kind of stole your thunder at tea So what? You're forgetting the most important thing.
You're awesome and their son is totally in love with you.
That's true.
You're right.
I can turn this around.
I'm Casey Cartwright.
Parents tend to love me.
Like Derek, my high school boyfriend.
His mom said I was the daughter she never had.
And she had a daughter.
It was so awkward.
What are you worried about? Evan's parents are in a slightly different league than Derek's.
Which is why I need the perfect dress.
- Are you in? - Are you kidding me? You had me at "shopping trip".
I mean, this egyptian Joe guy was a poetry major.
How complicated could his engineering be? And then once I fix his volcano, I'll be on my way to meet my dream woman.
I'll just follow the manual, add a little imagination And expose myself to the ebola virus.
Why can't people be satisfied with the way things are? Why do they always need to push things to the next level? After setting myself on fire What are you talking about? - Nothing.
- What are you talking about? - Nothing.
- Nothing as in you and your top-secret mystery relationship? It's not a relationship.
It's a thing.
2, 4, 6, 8, we won't let you detonate.
2, 4, 6, 8, we won't let you detonate.
What are you doing? We're staging a protest to save the Remington/Herzog atmospheric destabilizing module.
The what? It's a device that can manipulate weather patterns in a confined area.
The DOD commissioned it back in the 1980s It never worked.
That's exactly what they want you to think.
The truth is they never turned it on.
They don't want to turn it on.
They're afraid of the possibilities.
We can't let the university's fear dissuade progress Will you join us? We're going to Dobler's for a pledge mixer.
Where Rusty's gonna rub elbows with his secret admirer.
Enjoy your salon of sin while the university destroys the fifth most innovative prototype in all of atmospheric science.
Whatever happened to priorities? You're no scientist, Rusty Cartwright.
Did you see that? I think she smiled at me.
Maybe that's her.
She's definitely wasting her time on him.
- Is that the mystery guy? - I'm not telling you.
Remember me, Jen K? Crush baskets.
- Where'd you come from? - Right over there.
I've been here for a while, but I didn't want to interrupt.
Then I started to feel weird just sitting there.
So I decided to say something.
Then I wasn't exactly sure what to say.
I'm gonna go get a refill.
How'd that crush basket thing turn out? You delivered the crush baskets.
You must know who my secret admirer is.
No, I was just the messenger.
Why would you want to know anyway? I'd rather have the secret.
I can imagine it's anybody I wanted, not probably that weird guy in my english class who blew on my neck that one time.
That's if guys gave crush baskets.
But they don't.
I think Calvin could use a hand over there by the bar I can help! No, it's fine.
I need your noise permit for the Vesuvius party.
Are you yankin' me? Since when does that rule get enforced? Since I was hired.
I get it.
You look like you'd use a little break.
You wanna come on in and we'll set you up with a nice cold beer? That's what officer Bob always did.
Where is good old Bob anyway? Rehab.
Your permit deadline was today, No permit, no party.
Although you could see if the events office'll make an exception.
All you gotta do is ask Gladys.
Assemble my cougar sack.
Don't forget to put in the aftershave.
I said bring me my cougar sack! I'm going in.
What perfect timing.
I was just trying on the dress I got for your dad's dinner.
What do you think? I was going for an Angelina Jolie thing.
You know, sexy for you, charitable for your parents.
It's great.
Listen, Case, about dinner.
Is it too sexy? Too Angelina home wrecker, not enough UN Ambassador? It's perfect.
It's not that, it's My parents just invited some bigwig to sit at their table.
Something to do with political connections that could help my dad.
Some, you know, asset.
I feel like a total jerk, they need your ticket.
My ticket? They need a seat at the table for this person.
- I thought they liked me.
- They do.
They do like you.
This is nothing personal, it's just business.
When someone tells you it's nothing personal, - that means it's something personal.
- No, not with my parents.
You've gotta trust me.
This has nothing to do with you.
This is the way things work in Chambersland.
Never miss an opportunity to network.
You can appreciate that, right? Sure, I get it.
I'll call you as soon as I get back? We're cool, right? - Of course.
- Okay.
None of this makes any sense.
Listen to this.
"Golden wheat thin", "crunchy little bite of God", "with love I eat you.
" I think that's a haiku.
I know it's a haiku, but it doesn't help me build this stupid volcano.
Neither does a list of the bra sizes of the 2005 Tri Pi pledge class.
Or drawings of different types of monkeys.
Damn it! Without this volcano there'll be no party, there's gonna be no secret admirer, and then I'll never get a girlfriend.
You shouldn't be concentrating on this anyway.
The module situation has gotten dire.
We're gonna stage an all-campus sit-in, and I really hope to see you there.
"Crunchy little bite of God.
" I'm glad it's you.
- I want to apologize for any part - Stop talking.
One-word answers Is my sister here? - Did she take her car? - I think so.
Three words.
Sorry.
What's wrong? I need a car.
It's a matter of life and death.
- Social death.
- I have a car.
I can drive you.
I know I talk a lot, but because I'm nervous around new people.
It gets a lot better once I get to know a person.
And I'm a good driver.
And you seem really desperate.
I don't care if you're raising money for children in Darfur, request to assemble denied.
Next! Hello there, sunshine.
Is that old spice you're wearing? Why? Yes, it is.
Ultra.
What do you want? I was told you were a discerning woman.
A woman who appreciates the classics.
After so many years wasted on callow young women who don't, I decided to gather up my courage and seek out a kindred spirit.
That is what I want, Gladys.
That's a very jazzy jacket.
No one wears madras anymore.
More's the pity.
And might I say the same about your lovely sweater? Why did they stop putting sequins on wool? Can we please hurry things up? Hold your water, pal! After this I'm going on a fro-yo binge.
You are bummed about Evan screwing you out of going to his dad's dinner.
I can cancel on Calvin, you need me.
I'm fine, Ash.
And I told you.
He didn't screw me.
It was a business decision, nothing personal.
And I'm totally okay with it.
I'm more than okay I'm good with it.
It was designed for Kate Hudson to wear to the Golden Globes, but she didn't have the guts to fill it out.
Lucky me.
I get to wear it to the dinner.
What dinner? The dinner for Evan's dad.
I guess a ticket just became available, and they invited me.
Wasn't that sweet? There you are.
We're clothed, and we're eating.
I was also hoping we could talk.
Sorry I'm late.
Major house drama.
- What are you doing? - What do you mean? - You told me to meet - Come join us.
"Some bigwig", Evan?! Some bigwig is Rebecca Logan?! How could you do this to me?! Did you think I wouldn't find out?! - I hoped you wouldn't.
- It's like you cheated on me all over again.
Listen to me.
It's not like that at all.
Okay, I should have told you, you're right.
It's just I didn't think I could convince you that it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal, but now you're making it a big deal, so I guess it is a big deal, even though it's not a big deal.
Are you trying to confuse me? Because it's not going to work.
I am pissed.
I know.
So if this isn't a big deal, Evan, why are you going, and why is she going?! Because her father is a senator, my parents wanna make that connection, and there is nothing I can do about that.
It'll all be over in just a few hours.
That may not be soon enough.
I had such a good time with you guys today.
I just had the best idea.
I am so gonna hook you up with some hot Zeta Betas at Vesuvius tonight.
Won't that be awesome? So meet me by the Kegs.
- See you guys at the party.
- Can't wait.
I'll see you at the party too? You know what, I think I'm gonna pass.
Pass? On what? Pass on this.
Whatever this is.
This was supposed to be a date, and so you recruited Ashleigh to bust in so you wouldn't have to talk to me.
Not cool.
What are you doing? You're supposed to wait in the car.
I couldn't, it's so exciting.
What is this place? It's the basement for the engineering building.
They use it for storage.
But you have to leave.
I'm about to commit what could be a serious breach of Homeland Security.
Rusty, this is the most fun I've had since I got to this school.
I'd tell you the reasons why you'd let me stay and help, but then I'd be talking a lot again.
Like now So I can't tell you.
I'm gonna steal the Remington/Herzog atmospheric destabilizing module to power the Vesuvius volcano.
If it works, the module will condense all moisture in a 300-foot radius, steam it up through the volcano like a geyser.
It might even make a few thunderclaps.
- You're still interested? - Thunderclaps? It's right up here.
I won't let you take it, you beast.
Rusty, you came! I had an idea.
To take this protesting to the next level.
I'm listening.
It's not enough to just keep this module from being destroyed.
What say we save it? They keep it locked up, untouched, never used, not even once.
I have dreamt of caressing its shiny aluminum shell.
I imagine it to be very very smooth.
And then after we touch it, maybe we could just, I don't know, take it somewhere.
Somewhere safe.
- And then - We could turn it on.
Rusty, lead me not into temptation.
I know, dale, I know.
But ask yourself this question.
What's the bigger evil, committing an act of civil disobedience, or allowing the fifth-most innovative atmospheric prototype of all-time to die a lonely, undignified death? I have the key.
- Stop that.
- What? Do you have any idea how delicate the module is? You can't just grab it like a slab of beef.
Move.
Hello, pretty girl.
I hate the way they got you all cooped up - in this dirty crate.
- Dale, come on.
Run! Rusty, I can't go to jail.
I have serious food allergies.
We're okay, Dale, no one followed us.
You said we were going somewhere safe.
The Kappa Tau house is not safe.
It's a filth palace, and I won't go in there, and neither is the module.
Think about it this way, Dale, this is the last place they'd think to look for it.
What about Jesus? What about him? Didn't Jesus walk amongst the sinners? Think of all the people you'll have an opportunity to convert.
Who's ready to start drinking? The plan is we hook the volcano up to the module's cooling system to create the condensation effect.
It's exactly as I'd imagined.
So let's get to work.
My secret admirer awaits.
I just wanted to apologize for the whole Ashleigh thing.
I wanted to What's up, bro? I thought this was just a fling.
You know? So when you wanted more, it sort of freaked me out.
I just asked for one date.
A gator? What I'm trying to say is that it freaked me out when you wanted a date.
What freaked me out more was you blowing me off.
And I realized that I really like you.
And I don't know what that means.
I would like to find out.
Should we get out of here? Maybe check out the party? You really think we can duck Ashleigh all night long? On second thought, let's grab a cup of coffee.
So does fuchsia make me look hippy? Kinda.
Nice coconuts! So why aren't you at the posh dinner with his pomposity, Lord Chambers? He went without me.
Apparently I'm not posh enough for his parents.
Quintessential Chambers move.
Use the son to expand the evil empire.
And he went right along with it.
It's not like that.
Whatever it's like, it's got you hitting wade's hula hooch pretty hard.
Cheers.
Calvin and Heath totally dissed me.
I can't find them anywhere.
Are you still moping over dumbhead Evan? Just stop Stop thinking about it.
Stop thinking about Rebecca and her designer dress, with her boobs busting out, throwing herself all over Evan as they dance or whatever.
His parents start writing their wedding vows.
I wasn't thinking about that.
Now I am.
I can't get it out of my head.
Picture the audience in their underwear.
That's for stage fright.
This problem needs to be tackled head-on.
Where are we going? To make sure that Skank doesn't put her nasty hooks into your boyfriend.
You are such a good friend.
David gets stoned with the philistines? David smote the philistine with a stone, not smoked with the philistines and got stoned.
It's totally different.
You go to college? Volcano all set? All set.
Don't believe everything you read.
It's you.
I'm looking for my secret admirer.
She told me to wear this shirt.
Pretty funny? Must be a nightshirt.
That was in your basket? Along with a note that said to meet her here.
No offense, Jen, but if she sees me talking to you, she might Get the wrong idea.
Okay, Rusty, there's something That's not for you! Where did you get that shirt? In my crush basket.
That was not your crush basket.
That was his.
I'm sorry, there must've been some sort - of mix-up.
- Ya think? I can explain.
Gather 'round, party people, and hold onto your legs.
We're about to blow your mind! Courtesy of our little buddy, the volcanic mastermind, Spitter himself, Rusty Cartwright! 4, 3, 2, 1.
That's a very generous offer.
I hear your summer internship program is supposed to be top-notch.
Isn't it lovely you got to meet Admiral Lewiston? He's a big supporter of your father.
Lovely is definitely the word.
There's Roger and Brenda.
Let's go.
I can tie a knot in this with my tongue.
Please don't.
This place needs DJ AM asap.
What did that old man just do with his tongue? I almost feel sorry for her.
- No, I don't.
- I can't see.
Stop that, you're shaking the plant! This was a really bad idea.
Evan's not even talking to her.
I should have trusted him.
Let's get out before someone sees us.
Oh, crap, where's my phone? Where's my phone?! He's coming! Let's get out of here! What are you doing here? Oh God, can we just talk about this later? What is going on here? Nice outfit.
Evan, please take care of this.
- I'm so sorry, Mrs.
Chambers.
- Excuse me, I'm talking to my son.
You're not even supposed to be here! Don't talk to her like that.
I'm sorry.
Ash, let's go.
It's time to introduce your father.
It's all right, everything's under control.
I put your name on my crush basket, but I didn't know about the note and the shirt.
Why would you do that? Because I felt bad for you.
That makes me feel a lot better.
Thanks for taking pity on the most pathetic pledge at Cyprus-Rhodes.
Now you are being pathetic.
Then you just seemed, unappreciated? So I appreciated you in a really stupid way, and I'm sorry.
I feel unappreciated too.
I had a great time with you today.
I haven't felt that comfortable with a guy in, like ever.
I thought that you were feeling the same way about me too, but then we get here, and you couldn't wait to find your stupid secret admirer.
Did you ever think that you might have an un-secret-admirer? You like me? Duh.
Where's all the beer? - I think I just felt the earth move.
- Me too.
No, seriously, I think we're having an earthquake.
It's a miracle.
It's raining beer?! It's raining beer! It's beer.
I'm sorry, Lord.
You have just become a legend! It worked just like you said it would.
It need time to soak up all the moisture.
I think we topped egyptian Joe.
Hell yes! Did you seriously skip just now? Did you see the volcano? I made it rain beer.
It was awesome.
This has been, hands down, the best night of my life.
Even better than the time they announced Pluto wasn't a planet.
I hated Pluto.
It was obviously just a dwarf planet.
You're weird.
I guess I'm down here on the "worst night of your life" end of the spectrum to balance things out.
What did Evan do now? This isn't about Evan.
It's about his parents and Evan.
The guy's a jerk.
You're better off without him.
Thanks for the support understanding.
I'll be sure to do the same for you when you're dating someone.
I'll probably be too old by that time to care.
Start caring, because I just walked my date home.
A real date? Okay, I'm sorry.
I feel like crap.
I got drunk And made an ass of myself in front of the esteemed Chambers clan.
You can call them esteemed, but I'll always believe you deserve better than Evan Chambers Well, we agree on one thing, Rusty.
What are you doing here? You want me to stay? But thanks.
I'm sorry for crashing the party.
And I think I accidentally flashed that Admiral guy.
Don't apologize.
It's not your fault, it's my fault.
I should've never put you in that position.
Then why did you? Because all my life I have done what it takes to get ahead.
That is the Chambers way.
My life has been planned out for me since I was Before I was born.
You are the first person who's ever made me think that if I had to, I would take a detour.
I would go all the way off the map for you.
I don't want you to have to take a detour for me.
Come on, let's stop at "I am so sorry.
" Wait a minute.
Did you leave the dinner early? Won't your parents be pissed? Definitely.