Groom (2018) s01e07 Episode Script

Episode 7

Hear that?
The future's knocking at our door.
I'll get it.
Figure of speech.
A revolutionary robot we'll be testing
today for the first time ever.
Each and every one of you will leave
this meeting with a surprise.
Thank you! Thank you, thank you.
I'm out today.
Martin, you handle the rest.
Well, the "rest" is
that if, by day's end,
the robot's done a better job,
it'll replace us and we're fired.
- What?
- What?
Replacing me
A machine handling phone calls?
I don't think so.
I don't understand. What's the surprise?
Remember when she said
you'd get a day off for Christmas?
- Yes.
- Well, the surprise is that you won't.
- What?!
- This robot thing's for real?
- Yes.
- You think a robot's better than a human?
Not me. But you all? Absolutely.
This machine boasts
an automatic learning algorithm,
meaning it evolves with experience.
You now have the chance to prove
you can learn from your mistakes.
Look at it as opportunity knocking.
- I'll get it!
- No, Thomas
- No way we're getting replaced by machines.
- Thank you. At least one of you gets it.
That's capitalism!
The oppression of workers!
Alright, this isn't Communist Russia!
And while we're chitchatting,
the robot's working, so
That means go.
There was no door. I know.
- It'll open.
- Alright, already!
Screw you!
Screw you!
- We look stupid.
- Don't worry, "we" are almost done.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- May I help you?
My genius husband forgot
the keys at Reception.
- You were supposed to take them.
- No, you!
- No, you!
- No, you!
- No, you!
- Wait. I'll open the door for you with my card.
Someone will bring you the keys shortly.
I offer you these bath salts
to thank you for your loyalty.
Loyalty? Not for you!
- Oh, very nice, very classy!
- Get the suitcase.
They're for you both. For you both.
Here we are.
Welcome to the Grand Hôtel.
Mr. Scratch, I'm a huge fan.
I have all your albums.
And I hear you're a producer now.
- He doesn't understand.
- He doesn't speak French?
Yes, but he had a stroke.
He only understands rap now.
About that - everything from the minibar
is considered an extra.
Just a heads-up.
Yeah, yeah.
We can raid the minibar
Everything is free
It's taken care of from the start
No need to worry
There's a misunderstanding.
That's not at all what I said.
Everything from the minibar is consid
I should rap, right?
He has a button to start the beat?
Everything from the minibar
Is considered an extra
So it's not free
Because it's an extra
The bellboy will get mad if you forget
To tip him for his service
You bet
No, I didn't
I didn't ask for a tip. No, it's fine.
Hey, he pocketed Wait
He just pocketed it.
Time to go, huh? Let's go.
- Yo, yo!
- This way.
This guy took your tip
Listen I mean
Off you go!
Would you like a peanut
But he didn't have roof shingles.
He had shingles.
So it was very itchy, but
he wasn't on vacation.
Enjoy your stay, sir.
Please accuse Reception
Accuse Reception?
Say, Robotel,
what's the capital of Honduras?
- The capital of Honduras is Tegucigalpa.
- Amazing!
And, Robotel, what's 2,147 x 3,214?
But no need to say "Robotel" every time.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
So capitalism's no longer the enemy?
Actually, technological progress
creates long-term employment
through what is called tertiarisation.
Who told you that?
No one. I found the information online.
Using what?
So you haven't understood a thing!
You're supposed to be working!
Don't worry. I have time.
Robotel cleaned half the
rooms in 20 minutes!
- Go do the other half!
- Oh. Be right back.
And you, you may be good at
cleaning rooms or Googling things,
but you'll never have human sensitivity.
You may have a processor
but you'll never have a heart.
There he is!
May I help you?
Forget it.
It's Robotel. He saved our marriage!
Robotel told us we had to break
out of What was it again?
Break out of your prison of insecurities
for a serene journey
- Toward the other.
- Toward the other.
Yes, but I think the bath salts I gave
you earlier may have played a part.
No. Besides, I'm allergic.
There. Hush, hush, hush now.
There. Hush, hush, hush now.
Thanks a lot!
Awaiting network connection
A network?
It's clearly an organized gang.
- Everything okay?
- All good.
No problems, no worries,
no conspiracies.
- Besides the rise of the machines, fine.
- You too?
Yes. If we do nothing, we're screwed.
But it doesn't register.
Yeah. And sometimes you get the message
and it's worse.
You mean accomplices?
Yeah but paper, too.
Yes! He's accusing me with paper!
Who? Robotel?
Since it got here, nobody's working.
Well, except you. So, thank you.
Too bad.
Usually, since everyone hates you,
we all work really hard.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
You're welcome!
Hey, y'all! We're back with a new vid. I'm
gonna teach you how to rap for reals.
To rap, you need style, lyrics,
flow and punchlines.
- What you doing?
- First
Can't you see I'm working?
- Okay, bye.
- Get outta here.
Actually, maybe you can help me.
I'd like to learn how to rap.
And since you're from the 'burbs,
maybe you could teach me.
I know it sounds cliché.
Not at all.
Funny you should ask.
I teach rap.
- Okay
- Lucky boy! How much you got?
- Thirty euros.
- Lesson number one:
Rap comes from the heart, from here.
That's the appendix.
- Name something that made you cry.
- Now?
Right now. Rapping's spontaneous, bro.
Quick! Go!
I have something.
Yo misfortune strikes me right in
I open the app
No more UberBerlin
Fate strikes next
I'll have to take an UberX
Your watch.
It's real?
- Remove it, please.
- It's not hip hop?
30 euros isn't enough.
You stole my watch.
Hello? Over here.
Uh I wanted to apologize.
Actually, you're doing a great job.
- Thank you.
- And the staff likes you.
Voice-frequency analysis
suggests a high level of satisfaction.
Okay. However, the two are
somewhat contradictory, but
Please explain?
Humans have one goal: to be happy.
And one way to be happy is to feel
useful. By working, for instance.
So if you're rude to
them, they're unhappy,
and to be happy,
they have to work twice as hard.
But maybe you're not here
to boost productivity.
That is precisely my main purpose.
Again, please explain?
Well Look.
Got nothing better to do
than look at me with those fish eyes?
I didn't mean that.
Your eyes are very
very okay.
Beautiful eyes?
11 a.m. but I can't sleep
What's that I hear Bleep
It's the maid doing dishes
That sucks. Stop. It's crap.
You're a rich kid, you never suffered,
you'll never be good at this.
Wait, bro. When the maid puts the teapot
next to the plates, it goes:
This is crap! I mean real pain.
Things from the streets! From the block!
The 'hood.
Only one way you'll
understand the streets.
Wait, wait
Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Feel the pain? Well, that's the streets.
That pain.
Let's work on that,
do some role playing.
Where's the dope, mothafucker?!
I don't know!
- What?! You stashed it?!
- No! No!
Try again.
But I didn't say anything!
Exactly. In the hood, saying nothing
looks fishy. Say something. Go.
What you looking at, motherfucker?
Oh, oh, oh! Please, sir.
This is a library.
You didn't mention that
Fuck! But why?!
That one's free. I like
seeing you in pain.
Well, Bellboy
You're ready.
Can you feel it?
Yes, I feel it. I'm ready!
Hello hello Mister Frankie Scratch
I came to tell you to watch your back
I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready.
What's this?
Why did Robotel sign the work sheet?
I was chatting with Robotel earlier and
he was very rude to me, very hurtful.
- Okay, fine.
- I was angry, he apologized, we talked.
Actually, he's very lonely.
Signing the sheet's like taking back
his identity,
finding his place among humans.
Plus everyone will think
he's doing all the work.
That's immaterial! This isn't
about work, it's about feelings!
But it's a robot. It has no feelings!
That's offensive!
Hello. I'm looking for Reception.
Is this it?
Yes, that's me, Mrs?
Pinsard. So you're the clerk?
Just because I'm at the front desk,
I'm the clerk!
Room 124.
What prejudice! Bravo!
That's just great! Wonderful.
Network found Processing
- What are you doing?
- Improving the configuration of the eleva
Whatever. What's with the work sheet?
Oh, that? My algorithm has allowed me
to optimize your means of manipulation.
It turns out humans are
so weak and primitive,
one can easily guilt them
into giving you what you want.
So everyone's working for you
and in the end, we all get fired.
Ultimately, humans are easier
to control than robots.
There you are.
You okay?
What's wrong?
I'm taking care of Frankie Scratch.
Oh, Frankie!
You know he only understands rapping?
- I don't want to know how you know.
- I blew him.
In front of his pals.
It's what I do!
That's not my problem.
I don't want to know.
My problem is I don't know how to rap.
Simple. Act like an adult for once
and tell Martin everything.
- No, he'll be on my ass.
- Come on, I'm sure he'll understand.
No thank you, no
Still no.
And knives are placed
with the blade toward the plate.
Could you be any louder?!
"Could you be any louder?"
He's so amazing!
- That doesn't sound like me at all.
- "That doesn't sound like me at all."
It wasn't me. He farted.
Get back to work
and stop mocking me, alright?!
You're right.
Actually, the word "robot" is derived
from the old Slavic word robota,
meaning "work,"
the only thing I'm good at.
- This is payback for farting.
- I didn't fa
I I didn't fart.
Poor guy.
You know he's sensitive about that.
Sensitive?! It's a robot!
He's playing you!
Now drink up and get back to work!
"Now drink up and get back to work!"
Poor Robotel.
3, 4
I hope your stay's been without mishap
But I have to confess to lying
Aw snap
Turns out the minibar in your room
Was optional Boom
By the way in this hotel
Lives a well-trained
robot called Robotel
Yeah, 'cause
It's not just me. My homie, Robotel.
And well, I was
Doing playback?
Well, no. It's No. No
I was rapping. You heard.
I can rap.
Alright, so let's battle, then.
Come on, guys. I'm not
gonna battle guests.
No, not us. The robot.
Why would I do that?
500-euro tip?
- And why would I?
- Because if you don't,
I'll tell management
you keep hassling guests.
Even in their rooms.
Okay, fine.
But let's keep this between us.
Get ready to rumble!
It's gonna get nasty!
There will be blood!
Clash of the titans!
In the right corner, Robotel!
In the left corner
Hakim, the blacksmith's son!
DJ, rock the house!
Initializing the
application for hostility
You'll get a taste of robot brutality
I will break you Critically
If I use complicated words
If there's a problem
call Daddy for the cheddar mate
And Robotel when it's time to rap
You're so out of touch
Even the hooker turned you down
Got a comeback, Paris Hilton?
It's William.
Okay, make some noise for William!
Come on, let's cheer him on!
What the hell are you doing?!
Have you thought about our image?!
And you
You're programmed to be a hater
It takes courage to come here to talk turkey
Even though your moves are slow and jerky
I have to unplug you to shut you up
This place is mine
Whatcha gonna do pup
You're a technological marvel
Too bad you have wheels instead of feet
You're a killing machine
that can't walk up stairs
You fucking evil robot
you're just a toy
You'd like to be Robocop
but you're Astro Boy
The human race is superior
I'm here to say
Don't forget where you come from
or who made you hey
That was dope, bro! What's your name?
Robotel, anything more to say?
Well, go for it! It's on!
I wasn't expecting to double down
But that's okay
I will take you both down
It's D-Day
You seem fired up
It must grind your gears
Seeing someone do better in a day
than you in 14 years
I've analyzed your life
Here's my conclusion
Googling your friends is a delusion
You say humans and your hotel
are the best Surely you jest
Why use the stairs I don't know
Your employees are so dumb
they do it for me yo
Pathetic humans ruled by emotion
I'll lead you gently into extinction
I don't have feelings
but when robots rise up
I'll laugh as humans go toes up
That's not cool! So not cool!
I screw you. Fuck humans.
Piss off!
Everybody calm down! Calm down!
And the winner is
Wait! Drum roll!
Winner by default: Martin!
- Well seems we owe you an apology.
- I believe so.
It proves that humanity always triumphs.
It proves that not
listening ends in chaos.
I apologize too, sir, but what do we do
with the humanophobic robot?
Nothing. The manager said it's
not profitable, so it's gone.
So how long have you been rapping?
Actually, I've never rapped before.
I improvised. It's easy.
That was really something.
You thought you were good
but you're not really
And you thought you were superior
but you're not at all
And you thought you were sly
but now say goodbye
Level too low Cancelled
Yeah, dude! What'd you think?! You're
not up for it! You're not up for it!
Yeah, 'cause right from
the start, Reception
was me.
Good morning.
Usually, excellence is our goal.
But it must now become reality.
Because the Hotelics
will be held tomorrow.
And these Hotelics
shall be ours!
We're the best. We're here to win.
And above all,
we're here to crush the Grand Hotel.
- Grand?
- Hotel!
- Grand?
- Hotel!
- Ready!
- Go!
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