Ground Floor (2013) s02e08 Episode Script
The Mansfield Who Came to Dinner
Hey, babe.
I'm home.
- I'm in the office.
- Oh! Now I'm in the kitchen.
I can't hear you.
I'm in the bedroom.
You know, I love that we can have sex in every room of the house at the same time.
(Chuckles) What you doing? I got my first take-home test.
Oh.
It's the first test I've taken in years that doesn't require a urine sample.
Ah! - Econ 101.
- Mm-hmm.
If you need me to look over your answers, I could do No, I feel pretty good about it.
Pretty good? Multiple choice, huh? (Chuckles) Mm-hmm.
Do you feel like you chose the right answer for number four? Because I "c" what I would have done.
Do you "C" what I "c"? I see what you're trying to do right now.
Yeah, you're right.
It's totally your test.
But number nine, though, can you "b" sure? I would "B" wondering.
Brody, Brody.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
If you would like to be with me and see me naked, stop being such a d Ick.
(Sighs) All right.
(Inhales sharply) Don't do it.
And I have to do it.
God, I am such a d-ick.
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe! Aww, this is a nice surprise.
Aww, this is a nice surprise.
(Both smooching) (Smooching continues) Mm.
That's so sweet.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Does it bother you that you and Jenny aren't the only happy couple around here anymore? (Grunts) (Strained) You're crushing my uterus! Naughty.
(Chuckles) Well, anyways, better get back downstairs.
I don't want the boss to know I'm gone.
- So, I have some big news.
- Oh.
Guess who got an "A" on her first test.
Correct answer me.
- Ah! We did it! - "We"? No, like, whee! You did it! (Laughs) Oh, hey, um, is Mansfield around? I want to thank him again for paying for my tuition, so I'm gonna invite him over to dinner.
And I'm gonna invite the pope over to watch "Scandal.
" Okay, what's that supposed to mean? Look, Mansfield has never accepted an invitation to do anything social with any of us.
He always says it's his wife's birthday.
She had like 19 birthdays last year.
When I invited him over to watch the world series, she had seven of them in two weeks.
Uh, well, I've got two things that you guys don't have.
I have a hat and a sweatshirt from the campus store that I bought, okay? - You're gross.
- What? We didn't say anything.
I was thinking it.
So, so, so, Richard branson, Bono, and Joe Montana walk into a bar.
Ah, I love these jokes.
What happened next, sir? It's not a joke.
They invited me to join them, and we had a lovely evening.
You got us again, sir.
You think we would've learned our lesson when you told us how you and the prime minister of Poland changed a light bulb.
Yeah, it, uh it only took two of us.
He held the ladder, and I turned it.
Uh, sir, I wanted to thank you again for paying for my classes, so I got you a couple of presents, and I-I wanted to invite you over for dinner tomorrow night.
Oh, that's very nice.
As it turns out, it's my wife's birthday.
- Happy Birthday.
- That was a fast year.
Yeah, I don't know.
Which she'll be celebrating with her sister, so I'm free to come over to your place.
You'll be what, when, why? Great! Okay.
Um, so it's at 8:30.
There's my address.
Oh, look at that.
Do you realize when I was a little boy, this was the neighborhood where hobos went to die.
It still is.
- I'll see you there.
- Okay.
He's actually coming.
Sir, I have two tickets to the Niners It's my wife's birthday.
I can't believe Mansfield's actually coming over for dinner.
This is the next logical progression in our relationship.
I went from employee to right-hand man and now Friend.
You know, I wonder how many of his "friends" live in a zero-bedroom, half-bath apartment that was once featured in the show "cops.
" Look, man, Mansfield knows where Jenny lives.
It's just gonna be a casual dinner with friends.
Mr.
Moyer, about tomorrow night Now, Jenny invited me to "dinner" at 8:30, which makes it supper, so are we talking evening wear or formal wear? It's obviously not casual.
Uh, I-I'll check with Jenny.
Great.
Now let's get down to business.
The financial news channel called.
They want us to do the on-air market wrap-up tomorrow, and they asked me for my best man.
- Me? - No, me.
I'm my best man.
Right.
But I have already committed to your very unusual supper-dinner hybrid.
Ooh, me.
- Who? Who? Who? - Me.
Me.
Me.
- Who keeps saying "me"? - I'm saying "me.
" Me, me, me, me.
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! - You do it! Yeah! All right, Mr.
Wen! Just don't screw it up! Yeah! Well, I'll see you tomorrow at, uh, "meal tbd.
" Okay.
Oh, and and I'm sure you already have your menu prepared, but please write this down.
I am allergic to pheasant Pheasant And grackle.
Well, we had grackle last night, so - What's grackle? - What's grackle? I don't know.
Hey.
Good news.
Instead of having Mansfield over to your place, I made us a reservation at Solasse.
I can't afford Solasse.
Look, I get you.
I understand you.
I'll pay.
No, no, this is my thank-you present to Mr.
Mansfield, not yours.
Babe, I am hearing you.
I am listening to you right now.
Okay, okay, first, stop reading my Cosmo.
And you know what? I want to do it at my place.
That's the whole point.
You don't understand Mansfield.
When he sits down to dinner, he expects to see four forks.
Well, I've got five forks.
Per person.
Jenny, if we do it at your place, we're gonna have to rent forks.
(Singsong voice) Uh-oh.
Awkward.
They're fighting.
We're not fighting.
Oh, you need privacy? No.
He needs a consultation with Dr.
Love.
Brody, as another man in a sexual relationship Yes, my relationship has become sexual, but I do not want to talk about it.
I really don't want to talk about it.
Good.
Because it's private.
And by private, I mean Spectacular.
So, I finally took Harvard shopping because He dresses like a lesbian librarian.
No, because he refuses to spend money on himself.
Wait till you see what I bought him.
He has such a rugged sensuality.
I mean, I don't have to tell you.
No, you don't.
Ever again.
And as someone who is having coitus non-interruptus Harvard.
Did you just bring me over here so you could tell me you're having sex with Lindsay? No.
Because that's private.
What I will tell you, though, is that Lindsay and I do not fight, so if you need any help, I am here for you Mm-hmm As a friend And a sexual being.
E-excuse me for a second.
Hey, uh, Jenny, I know you really want to have Mansfield over for dinner.
Don't you think that a dinner party with three people is gonna be a little awkward? Yeah, actually, you're right.
Hey, Lindsay, do you and Harvard want to join us for dinner tomorrow night? We'd love to! Great.
This will make it so much less awkward.
And the dow closed up six points, ending the week up 1 1/2%.
This has been Mike "Threepeat" Wen signing off from Remington Trust.
What do you think? Be honest.
Do not sugarcoat it.
That was the worst thing I've ever seen.
You could have put a little sugar on it.
I did.
Dude, I'm so screwed.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
(Gags) It's dry-heave time.
(Gags) Dude, come on.
Calm down.
If you need some acting tips, I can give you some.
Oh, what do you know about acting? I don't like to talk about this, but I used to be on TV.
You might have seen my work in the late '80s.
Announcer: With nine kinds of lasagna and our endless pasta bar, vito's has something for everyone in the family.
I love the pasghetti! You were pasghetti kid? You were huge! They played that commercial for eight years straight.
I bought all my weed at high school off of that.
Man, I-I've always wanted to be that famous.
You got to do it for me.
Oh, I'm out the game.
Come on, man.
Please.
I'm in a dark place.
Just Tell me what you love.
I don't ohh.
I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! Yes! Oh, wow! The place looks so nice, babe.
Oh, thank you.
The secret is Christmas lights and don't look under the bed.
See? I told you didn't have anything to worry about.
I guess not.
So, is this your mom's famous meatloaf? Actually, she calls it a "meatload.
" Because it's it's loaded with meat.
Oh.
You just gonna put a hot dog in there? Oh, not just a hot dog, a layer of hot dogs.
And how much bourbon are you gonna pour right on that? I don't know.
I'm just eyeballing it.
You're not even looking.
Oh, buckle your meat belts, right? (Doorbell rings) Oh, uh, someone's here early.
I'll get it.
Great.
What's that? What's up? Did you order food? No.
Yes.
But only because I didn't know you were making meatload, and now we have what I can only assume is a delicious three-course rack-of-lamb dinner for five.
So we could have it with the meatload, before it, you know, instead of it.
What do you think we should do? Oh, what do I think we should do with this? There must be a nice spot for it right over here.
What the hell? Brody, I don't need your help with this party, just like I didn't need your help with my test, okay? (High-pitched) Well What do you mean by (High-pitched) "well"? (Normal voice) Nothing, nothing.
You got an "A.
" Raise the roof.
Should I throw another dog on the load? Wait.
Let me see this test.
Don't jump to any conclusions.
Oh, my God.
You changed my answers.
Only the wrong ones.
Brody Moyer, how dare you? That is so unbelievably (Doorbell rings) (Sweetly) Our guests are here.
No, no, no, no, no.
We are gonna talk about this.
No, we can't.
We've got a dinner party.
Please, please, please.
This night is too important for you to be mad at me, okay? Let's just fight real quick and get it over with.
We're not gonna do that.
Oh, we're not gonna have a fight? Oh, no, we're gonna have a big, big fight, just not right now.
Hello! Oh, good evening.
Oh.
Good evening.
Here you are.
Thank you.
What a, uh What a colorful neighborhood.
I just saw two hobos fighting over a rack of lamb.
This is gonna be quite a night.
Yes.
Yes, it will be.
Now, I know there is tension in the air, so let's go ahead and address the elephant in the room.
Mr.
Moyer was unclear with his invitation, and as a result, I'm wearing a dinner jacket with a supper tie.
I can only hope I don't look quite as ridiculous as I truly feel.
Not at all, sir.
Oh, no, you look like James Bond.
Well, thank you.
Why don't we go ahead and give me the grand tour? Well, uh, starting right here, this is the entire apartment.
Well, I love it.
It looks like you live in a play.
Can I offer you a drink, sir? I'm I'm whipping up a traditional pimm's cup.
Why, uh, Mr.
Moyer, would you serve me a digestif as an aperitif? Because Google is a liar.
I'll have a beer.
Yes, coming right up.
Okay, you were 100% right, and I was 100% wrong, and your test was only 70% right, and I don't know why I just brought that up.
We're not gonna do this.
Please.
Come on.
You're killing me.
Aha! Never mind.
I, uh I thought I just found a room that you didn't know about.
I'll be darned if it doesn't seem to happen in my house every day.
(Chuckles) Uh, here you go, sir.
Oh, Jenny, thank you.
Straight out of the bottle.
Yee-haw.
(Chuckles) (Doorbell rings) Uh, excuse me just one second.
What are you doing? You can't put a pin in a fight, okay? Just call me an asshole and get it over with.
I am not giving you the satisfaction.
Well, Harvard, here we are at the party, having overheard nothing.
Hang in there, buddy.
Here, I got you a rack of lamb.
While the dow was down, spirits were up at the closing bell.
This is Mike "Threepeat" Wen from Remington Trust.
Ooh! See? You got it, man.
Okay, let's do one for the camera.
Okay.
The market was mixed With a small cap index of 10 points reacting to European jitters.
What are you doing? Do what you was doing before.
I-I can't, man! When the camera's on, I just get filled with all this nervous energy and (Gags) Ooh.
Oh, man, calm down, okay? Let's get some protein in you before you pass out.
Here have a p3, okay? And I'm gonna take a couple of these for later.
Look, m-m-maybe I'm just too nervous to do this.
Hey, man, I once knew a kid that was too nervous to say "spaghetti" correctly.
But he channeled that energy into a dance.
That dance changed the world, and he had kids everywhere just singing and dancing, "I love pasghetti!" Six months later, the Berlin wall came down! You can do this, too, all right? Do it with me.
"I love the pasghetti.
" Let me hear you.
Come on.
"I love the pasghetti!" Let me hear you! I love the pasghetti.
All right, yeah.
"I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti.
"I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love pasghetti! "I love pasghetti!" This meatload is fantastic.
I-is it possible that I'm getting a buzz off of this? It's not just possible, it's very likely.
(Chuckles) Honey, you did a great job.
I love you.
Doesn't Harvard look nice? (Chuckles) Lover.
(Chuckles) It's all from the Lindsay collection.
He's my little Ken doll.
She even bought me my underwear.
(Laughs) Mesh.
Speaking of almost anything else, uh I see that, uh, someone got an "A" on their test.
Yes, sir.
Someone did.
Yes, someone who meant well.
Someone who doesn't trust someone else to live their own life.
Someone is confused by all these pronouns.
Now, what the hell's going on? I'm sorry, sir.
It's it's not important.
Yeah, we don't need to fight in front of you.
Oh, no, no.
Now, don't hold it in.
That's not healthy.
If you want your relationship to last, you can never bottle things up.
Sometimes you have to fight.
Otherwise, resentments fester.
And sure as shooting, sooner or later they'll explode.
So just Let it out.
Okay.
(Thud) I'm not your Ken doll! I can dress myself! Yeah, well I want to have sex in more than one position.
Well, I don't know the other one! Bottle that up.
You bottle that right up! You know what?! I'm taking off all the clothes that you got me! I gave you all of those clothes! Well, then, I guess I will just be naked! So thank you for college.
You're very welcome.
Now, won't you please tell me about your "A"? You know what? It's not my "A.
" It's Brody's "A.
" He changed my answers.
I'm sorry.
But I couldn't just sit there and watch you get a 70.
Babe, it's my 70.
It's my test.
You should have just stayed out of it! I am very disappointed.
Thank you.
In you.
In in me? W-why why in me? He changed my test.
Well, I expect that from him.
He's a he's a smug know-it-all.
That's why I hired him in the first place.
But it it sounds to me like you half-assed that test.
What? A 70 is okay.
Okay is not good enough.
You think NASA should settle for okay? "We, uh we only made it 70% of the way to the moon, but that's okay!" With all due respect, sir, I don't think I'm exactly NASA material.
Yeah, plus NASA doesn't really send people to the moon anymore.
Oh, say, sir smuggy.
Not about you.
Now, tell me this Do you think you could have done better than that 70 if you'd worked just a a little bit harder.
Yeah.
I can't hear you.
Yes.
I want you to understand something.
I invested in you because I saw unlimited potential, and I am never wrong about my investments.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
Good.
See? That's what I'm saying.
If she just pushed herself Oh, give me a break, will you, Mr.
Moyer? Are you kidding me? I can't help myself.
Oh, look at that.
M-m-Mr.
Wen is on.
Why don't we go to the media room? As home sales surge on news the fed plans to keep interest rates low, low, low, low, that means new construction's gonna raise the roof on millions of single-family homes.
You know, this, uh, may very well be the meatload speaking, but I find this strangely compelling.
And tech markets are up, so don't forget to (Robotic voice) Invest in robotics.
(Normal voice) I'm Mike "Threepeat" Wen from Remington Trust.
Okay.
Hmm? Great party last night.
(Chuckles) Sorry things got a little awkward.
The good news is Lindsay and I are now closer than ever, so if you guys need any advice Oh, no.
I-I think we're good.
Yeah.
We were concerned, though.
What were you guys doing in my bathroom for over an hour? (Giggles) Oh, no.
Yeah, we had makeup sex.
That's right both positions.
Okay, it is time for a new segment we call "so you think you can dance, but you're wrong.
" Check out this guy who I can only assume is now a former money manager in San Francisco.
As home sales surge on news the fed plans to keep interest rates low, low, low, low I do not think they are laughing with you.
Oh, oh.
Definitely at me.
So why do you seem so happy about it? I'm famous.
I'm home.
- I'm in the office.
- Oh! Now I'm in the kitchen.
I can't hear you.
I'm in the bedroom.
You know, I love that we can have sex in every room of the house at the same time.
(Chuckles) What you doing? I got my first take-home test.
Oh.
It's the first test I've taken in years that doesn't require a urine sample.
Ah! - Econ 101.
- Mm-hmm.
If you need me to look over your answers, I could do No, I feel pretty good about it.
Pretty good? Multiple choice, huh? (Chuckles) Mm-hmm.
Do you feel like you chose the right answer for number four? Because I "c" what I would have done.
Do you "C" what I "c"? I see what you're trying to do right now.
Yeah, you're right.
It's totally your test.
But number nine, though, can you "b" sure? I would "B" wondering.
Brody, Brody.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
If you would like to be with me and see me naked, stop being such a d Ick.
(Sighs) All right.
(Inhales sharply) Don't do it.
And I have to do it.
God, I am such a d-ick.
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe! Aww, this is a nice surprise.
Aww, this is a nice surprise.
(Both smooching) (Smooching continues) Mm.
That's so sweet.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Does it bother you that you and Jenny aren't the only happy couple around here anymore? (Grunts) (Strained) You're crushing my uterus! Naughty.
(Chuckles) Well, anyways, better get back downstairs.
I don't want the boss to know I'm gone.
- So, I have some big news.
- Oh.
Guess who got an "A" on her first test.
Correct answer me.
- Ah! We did it! - "We"? No, like, whee! You did it! (Laughs) Oh, hey, um, is Mansfield around? I want to thank him again for paying for my tuition, so I'm gonna invite him over to dinner.
And I'm gonna invite the pope over to watch "Scandal.
" Okay, what's that supposed to mean? Look, Mansfield has never accepted an invitation to do anything social with any of us.
He always says it's his wife's birthday.
She had like 19 birthdays last year.
When I invited him over to watch the world series, she had seven of them in two weeks.
Uh, well, I've got two things that you guys don't have.
I have a hat and a sweatshirt from the campus store that I bought, okay? - You're gross.
- What? We didn't say anything.
I was thinking it.
So, so, so, Richard branson, Bono, and Joe Montana walk into a bar.
Ah, I love these jokes.
What happened next, sir? It's not a joke.
They invited me to join them, and we had a lovely evening.
You got us again, sir.
You think we would've learned our lesson when you told us how you and the prime minister of Poland changed a light bulb.
Yeah, it, uh it only took two of us.
He held the ladder, and I turned it.
Uh, sir, I wanted to thank you again for paying for my classes, so I got you a couple of presents, and I-I wanted to invite you over for dinner tomorrow night.
Oh, that's very nice.
As it turns out, it's my wife's birthday.
- Happy Birthday.
- That was a fast year.
Yeah, I don't know.
Which she'll be celebrating with her sister, so I'm free to come over to your place.
You'll be what, when, why? Great! Okay.
Um, so it's at 8:30.
There's my address.
Oh, look at that.
Do you realize when I was a little boy, this was the neighborhood where hobos went to die.
It still is.
- I'll see you there.
- Okay.
He's actually coming.
Sir, I have two tickets to the Niners It's my wife's birthday.
I can't believe Mansfield's actually coming over for dinner.
This is the next logical progression in our relationship.
I went from employee to right-hand man and now Friend.
You know, I wonder how many of his "friends" live in a zero-bedroom, half-bath apartment that was once featured in the show "cops.
" Look, man, Mansfield knows where Jenny lives.
It's just gonna be a casual dinner with friends.
Mr.
Moyer, about tomorrow night Now, Jenny invited me to "dinner" at 8:30, which makes it supper, so are we talking evening wear or formal wear? It's obviously not casual.
Uh, I-I'll check with Jenny.
Great.
Now let's get down to business.
The financial news channel called.
They want us to do the on-air market wrap-up tomorrow, and they asked me for my best man.
- Me? - No, me.
I'm my best man.
Right.
But I have already committed to your very unusual supper-dinner hybrid.
Ooh, me.
- Who? Who? Who? - Me.
Me.
Me.
- Who keeps saying "me"? - I'm saying "me.
" Me, me, me, me.
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! - You do it! Yeah! All right, Mr.
Wen! Just don't screw it up! Yeah! Well, I'll see you tomorrow at, uh, "meal tbd.
" Okay.
Oh, and and I'm sure you already have your menu prepared, but please write this down.
I am allergic to pheasant Pheasant And grackle.
Well, we had grackle last night, so - What's grackle? - What's grackle? I don't know.
Hey.
Good news.
Instead of having Mansfield over to your place, I made us a reservation at Solasse.
I can't afford Solasse.
Look, I get you.
I understand you.
I'll pay.
No, no, this is my thank-you present to Mr.
Mansfield, not yours.
Babe, I am hearing you.
I am listening to you right now.
Okay, okay, first, stop reading my Cosmo.
And you know what? I want to do it at my place.
That's the whole point.
You don't understand Mansfield.
When he sits down to dinner, he expects to see four forks.
Well, I've got five forks.
Per person.
Jenny, if we do it at your place, we're gonna have to rent forks.
(Singsong voice) Uh-oh.
Awkward.
They're fighting.
We're not fighting.
Oh, you need privacy? No.
He needs a consultation with Dr.
Love.
Brody, as another man in a sexual relationship Yes, my relationship has become sexual, but I do not want to talk about it.
I really don't want to talk about it.
Good.
Because it's private.
And by private, I mean Spectacular.
So, I finally took Harvard shopping because He dresses like a lesbian librarian.
No, because he refuses to spend money on himself.
Wait till you see what I bought him.
He has such a rugged sensuality.
I mean, I don't have to tell you.
No, you don't.
Ever again.
And as someone who is having coitus non-interruptus Harvard.
Did you just bring me over here so you could tell me you're having sex with Lindsay? No.
Because that's private.
What I will tell you, though, is that Lindsay and I do not fight, so if you need any help, I am here for you Mm-hmm As a friend And a sexual being.
E-excuse me for a second.
Hey, uh, Jenny, I know you really want to have Mansfield over for dinner.
Don't you think that a dinner party with three people is gonna be a little awkward? Yeah, actually, you're right.
Hey, Lindsay, do you and Harvard want to join us for dinner tomorrow night? We'd love to! Great.
This will make it so much less awkward.
And the dow closed up six points, ending the week up 1 1/2%.
This has been Mike "Threepeat" Wen signing off from Remington Trust.
What do you think? Be honest.
Do not sugarcoat it.
That was the worst thing I've ever seen.
You could have put a little sugar on it.
I did.
Dude, I'm so screwed.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
(Gags) It's dry-heave time.
(Gags) Dude, come on.
Calm down.
If you need some acting tips, I can give you some.
Oh, what do you know about acting? I don't like to talk about this, but I used to be on TV.
You might have seen my work in the late '80s.
Announcer: With nine kinds of lasagna and our endless pasta bar, vito's has something for everyone in the family.
I love the pasghetti! You were pasghetti kid? You were huge! They played that commercial for eight years straight.
I bought all my weed at high school off of that.
Man, I-I've always wanted to be that famous.
You got to do it for me.
Oh, I'm out the game.
Come on, man.
Please.
I'm in a dark place.
Just Tell me what you love.
I don't ohh.
I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! I love the pasghetti! Yes! Oh, wow! The place looks so nice, babe.
Oh, thank you.
The secret is Christmas lights and don't look under the bed.
See? I told you didn't have anything to worry about.
I guess not.
So, is this your mom's famous meatloaf? Actually, she calls it a "meatload.
" Because it's it's loaded with meat.
Oh.
You just gonna put a hot dog in there? Oh, not just a hot dog, a layer of hot dogs.
And how much bourbon are you gonna pour right on that? I don't know.
I'm just eyeballing it.
You're not even looking.
Oh, buckle your meat belts, right? (Doorbell rings) Oh, uh, someone's here early.
I'll get it.
Great.
What's that? What's up? Did you order food? No.
Yes.
But only because I didn't know you were making meatload, and now we have what I can only assume is a delicious three-course rack-of-lamb dinner for five.
So we could have it with the meatload, before it, you know, instead of it.
What do you think we should do? Oh, what do I think we should do with this? There must be a nice spot for it right over here.
What the hell? Brody, I don't need your help with this party, just like I didn't need your help with my test, okay? (High-pitched) Well What do you mean by (High-pitched) "well"? (Normal voice) Nothing, nothing.
You got an "A.
" Raise the roof.
Should I throw another dog on the load? Wait.
Let me see this test.
Don't jump to any conclusions.
Oh, my God.
You changed my answers.
Only the wrong ones.
Brody Moyer, how dare you? That is so unbelievably (Doorbell rings) (Sweetly) Our guests are here.
No, no, no, no, no.
We are gonna talk about this.
No, we can't.
We've got a dinner party.
Please, please, please.
This night is too important for you to be mad at me, okay? Let's just fight real quick and get it over with.
We're not gonna do that.
Oh, we're not gonna have a fight? Oh, no, we're gonna have a big, big fight, just not right now.
Hello! Oh, good evening.
Oh.
Good evening.
Here you are.
Thank you.
What a, uh What a colorful neighborhood.
I just saw two hobos fighting over a rack of lamb.
This is gonna be quite a night.
Yes.
Yes, it will be.
Now, I know there is tension in the air, so let's go ahead and address the elephant in the room.
Mr.
Moyer was unclear with his invitation, and as a result, I'm wearing a dinner jacket with a supper tie.
I can only hope I don't look quite as ridiculous as I truly feel.
Not at all, sir.
Oh, no, you look like James Bond.
Well, thank you.
Why don't we go ahead and give me the grand tour? Well, uh, starting right here, this is the entire apartment.
Well, I love it.
It looks like you live in a play.
Can I offer you a drink, sir? I'm I'm whipping up a traditional pimm's cup.
Why, uh, Mr.
Moyer, would you serve me a digestif as an aperitif? Because Google is a liar.
I'll have a beer.
Yes, coming right up.
Okay, you were 100% right, and I was 100% wrong, and your test was only 70% right, and I don't know why I just brought that up.
We're not gonna do this.
Please.
Come on.
You're killing me.
Aha! Never mind.
I, uh I thought I just found a room that you didn't know about.
I'll be darned if it doesn't seem to happen in my house every day.
(Chuckles) Uh, here you go, sir.
Oh, Jenny, thank you.
Straight out of the bottle.
Yee-haw.
(Chuckles) (Doorbell rings) Uh, excuse me just one second.
What are you doing? You can't put a pin in a fight, okay? Just call me an asshole and get it over with.
I am not giving you the satisfaction.
Well, Harvard, here we are at the party, having overheard nothing.
Hang in there, buddy.
Here, I got you a rack of lamb.
While the dow was down, spirits were up at the closing bell.
This is Mike "Threepeat" Wen from Remington Trust.
Ooh! See? You got it, man.
Okay, let's do one for the camera.
Okay.
The market was mixed With a small cap index of 10 points reacting to European jitters.
What are you doing? Do what you was doing before.
I-I can't, man! When the camera's on, I just get filled with all this nervous energy and (Gags) Ooh.
Oh, man, calm down, okay? Let's get some protein in you before you pass out.
Here have a p3, okay? And I'm gonna take a couple of these for later.
Look, m-m-maybe I'm just too nervous to do this.
Hey, man, I once knew a kid that was too nervous to say "spaghetti" correctly.
But he channeled that energy into a dance.
That dance changed the world, and he had kids everywhere just singing and dancing, "I love pasghetti!" Six months later, the Berlin wall came down! You can do this, too, all right? Do it with me.
"I love the pasghetti.
" Let me hear you.
Come on.
"I love the pasghetti!" Let me hear you! I love the pasghetti.
All right, yeah.
"I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti.
"I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti.
" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love the pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love pasghetti! "I love the pasghetti!" I love pasghetti! "I love pasghetti!" This meatload is fantastic.
I-is it possible that I'm getting a buzz off of this? It's not just possible, it's very likely.
(Chuckles) Honey, you did a great job.
I love you.
Doesn't Harvard look nice? (Chuckles) Lover.
(Chuckles) It's all from the Lindsay collection.
He's my little Ken doll.
She even bought me my underwear.
(Laughs) Mesh.
Speaking of almost anything else, uh I see that, uh, someone got an "A" on their test.
Yes, sir.
Someone did.
Yes, someone who meant well.
Someone who doesn't trust someone else to live their own life.
Someone is confused by all these pronouns.
Now, what the hell's going on? I'm sorry, sir.
It's it's not important.
Yeah, we don't need to fight in front of you.
Oh, no, no.
Now, don't hold it in.
That's not healthy.
If you want your relationship to last, you can never bottle things up.
Sometimes you have to fight.
Otherwise, resentments fester.
And sure as shooting, sooner or later they'll explode.
So just Let it out.
Okay.
(Thud) I'm not your Ken doll! I can dress myself! Yeah, well I want to have sex in more than one position.
Well, I don't know the other one! Bottle that up.
You bottle that right up! You know what?! I'm taking off all the clothes that you got me! I gave you all of those clothes! Well, then, I guess I will just be naked! So thank you for college.
You're very welcome.
Now, won't you please tell me about your "A"? You know what? It's not my "A.
" It's Brody's "A.
" He changed my answers.
I'm sorry.
But I couldn't just sit there and watch you get a 70.
Babe, it's my 70.
It's my test.
You should have just stayed out of it! I am very disappointed.
Thank you.
In you.
In in me? W-why why in me? He changed my test.
Well, I expect that from him.
He's a he's a smug know-it-all.
That's why I hired him in the first place.
But it it sounds to me like you half-assed that test.
What? A 70 is okay.
Okay is not good enough.
You think NASA should settle for okay? "We, uh we only made it 70% of the way to the moon, but that's okay!" With all due respect, sir, I don't think I'm exactly NASA material.
Yeah, plus NASA doesn't really send people to the moon anymore.
Oh, say, sir smuggy.
Not about you.
Now, tell me this Do you think you could have done better than that 70 if you'd worked just a a little bit harder.
Yeah.
I can't hear you.
Yes.
I want you to understand something.
I invested in you because I saw unlimited potential, and I am never wrong about my investments.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
Good.
See? That's what I'm saying.
If she just pushed herself Oh, give me a break, will you, Mr.
Moyer? Are you kidding me? I can't help myself.
Oh, look at that.
M-m-Mr.
Wen is on.
Why don't we go to the media room? As home sales surge on news the fed plans to keep interest rates low, low, low, low, that means new construction's gonna raise the roof on millions of single-family homes.
You know, this, uh, may very well be the meatload speaking, but I find this strangely compelling.
And tech markets are up, so don't forget to (Robotic voice) Invest in robotics.
(Normal voice) I'm Mike "Threepeat" Wen from Remington Trust.
Okay.
Hmm? Great party last night.
(Chuckles) Sorry things got a little awkward.
The good news is Lindsay and I are now closer than ever, so if you guys need any advice Oh, no.
I-I think we're good.
Yeah.
We were concerned, though.
What were you guys doing in my bathroom for over an hour? (Giggles) Oh, no.
Yeah, we had makeup sex.
That's right both positions.
Okay, it is time for a new segment we call "so you think you can dance, but you're wrong.
" Check out this guy who I can only assume is now a former money manager in San Francisco.
As home sales surge on news the fed plans to keep interest rates low, low, low, low I do not think they are laughing with you.
Oh, oh.
Definitely at me.
So why do you seem so happy about it? I'm famous.