Grounded For Life (2001) s02e01 Episode Script

Baby, there it is.
I found it.
I found it.
The new finnerty mobile.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Look, look, dual cam, uh, alloy wheels, 190 horsepower A probe.
Baby, it's a sports car.
It's a girl's car.
Oh, come on.
No, it's not.
No, it's a car for someone who wants to look cool driving fast.
Someone named Diane.
Aw, that's ridiculous.
Oh, come on, Sean.
This is the first time we've had a chance to buy a new car.
Let's not waste it on a chick car.
Come on.
The probe is the thinking man's sports coupe.
Which he buys for his daughter.
Oh, hey, Claudia, do you got anything that takes off shrimp sauce? Yeah, in the kitchen.
All right, dad.
How was the old knight's convention? Aw, it was beautiful, except for the chapter from wehawken.
What a bunch of snobs.
Oh, hey.
What's all this? You lookin' for a new car? Someone stole our car.
What? Hey, grandpa, can I use your sword to stab the car stealers? Sure.
When was it stolen? Uh, last night.
Henry, you can't use your grandpa's sword.
Can I use my own sword? Do you have a sword? I don't have one, no.
I do not have a sword.
Jimmy, bring me your sword.
Nice one, moron.
Now we're completely defenseless.
So how was the car stolen? It was the wildest thing.
Claud and I were coming home from a party last night, all right, and we're walkin' up, and right in front of the house That's, like, the first party we've gone to in 2 years where there wasn't a goody bag.
It was fun for Timmy keeks.
Every time I looked over, he was undressing you with his eyes.
Yeah, and when you weren't lookin', he was doin' it with his hands.
You can't blame the man.
Look at you, baby.
Both: Mmm.
Baby, you left the lights to the car on.
Mmm, no, I didn't.
Yeah, well, I certainly didn't.
Wh hey! Hey! You! Aah! Baby, no! Whoo! Whoo! That's our car, Sean! Oh, oh, crap! Aah! How can there be this many claim forms for one crappy old car? I don't know.
Ok, what was the vin number? Uh, 339xzg15490.
Really? I don't know the friggin' vin number.
Oh, man.
I can't believe you guys left your new golf clubs in there.
We don't have any golf clubs.
Not any more.
You left them in the car.
Car got stolen.
I'd put it down.
Oh, come on.
Look, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie to the insurance company.
I'm not talkin' about lying.
I'm talkin' about gettin' what's comin' to you.
Everybody does it.
You've been payin' for it, now it's time for you to get paid.
No.
You know, though, we do pay them a lot of money every month, and then every time we get into a Fender bender, we never even report it because then our premiums will go up.
So you think we should cheat? No, of course not.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just, you know, saying if we did, no one could blame us.
Yeah.
It's not huge things.
I'm just talkin' bending.
Here, where it says "radio," you wrote "yes.
" Just change "yes" to "blaupunkt Guys, I can't.
I no.
Why? No.
Mom, dad, Jimmy and Henry are driving me nuts.
Well, they're just a little freaked out about the car being stolen.
Stay out of my room.
All we were trying to do was board up your windows.
Well, what are you trying to keep out, burglars or zombies? There are zombies? Henry, Henry, zombies did not steal our Subaru.
So you're sayin' there are zombies?! No, no, no, no, no.
Well, whoever stole that car of yours, Sean, did you a favor.
It was a piece of junk.
Aw, come on, dad.
We had good memories with that car, and we took Henry home from the hospital in that car, remember? Come on, you piece of crap.
Turn over! Did you flood it? I'm I'm sorry.
I didn't flood it, baby.
I didn't even touch the gas.
Just just just just to soothe the baby, ok, I got it.
I got it! I loved that car.
Henry, we've got work to do.
Well, did you put on that club I gave you for Christmas? Yeah, dad.
Sure did.
Did you lock it or just rest it on the wheel? Dad, dad, the club is a visual deterrent.
The crook sees the club and just moves on.
Well, it worked, seannie, 'cause he moved on In your car.
Don't forget to write down club.
Deluxe club.
I'm not gonna do that.
Oh, come on, seannie.
We work hard, and what do we get for it, huh? Our ice maker's leaking, and that spinney thing in the microwave just twitches.
We deserve something shiny and new.
Ok, so you do think we should cheat? I didn't say that.
I just said we should explore all avenues.
Remember the last time we took a little stroll down Avenue Eddie, huh On super bowl Sunday when he convinced me to buy that big screen TV and put it on my credit card? Sean: Oh, man, I don't know about this, Eddie.
Don't worry.
It costs you nothin'.
We bring it back tomorrow, get the money on your card, no one's the wiser.
I don't know.
The picture's awesome.
Oh, oh, oh! Wait! He fumbled! Oh, jump on it! Oh! Jump on it! You bum! Hey, that fumble cost me a lot of money.
Oh, see, see? That's what you get when you trust Eddie.
Yeah, right.
Um, Sean? Do do you have the spare car keys? What good would they do us? Oh, my god.
They're not here.
What? Someone must have come into our house and taken them.
What? They were in our house? Wait, the zombies were in our house? What's the number of that detective you called? It's on the fridge.
Ok, nothing nothing to worry about, all right? W-we're gonna change all the locks, and the police will just figure out who did this.
We'll just call the police.
No, no, no! Don't, don't! Um Can I please talk to you guys in the other room for just a second? Not all of you.
Ok, jeez.
What's up, lil? I took the keys.
You did? I think this whole thing is my fault.
Ok, what are you talking about? Well, see, Brad came over last night, and we were just hangin' around, lookin' for somethin' to do.
Watch this.
I'm gonna make a prank call.
It's ringing.
Hello? That was great! Yeah.
You know, I made you a mixed tape.
You did? Brad, why do we have to listen to this in the car? 'Cause it was originally recorded in the car.
No, it wasn't.
Shh.
Girl, you know I love you With a love so real and true Tonight's the night I show you When I make my love for When I make my love for you You know I'm gonna make it, baby You know I love you Girl, you know I make Brad, if I kiss you, will you stop singing? I guess I'd have to.
You, baby, baby Lily: And I guess I left the keys in the car.
Oh, Lily, what were you thinkin'? She wasn't thinkin', babe.
That's what she was thinkin'.
Oh I'm sorry.
This is all my fault.
Yeah, yeah, it is.
Claudia: Ok, ok, ok, look, that was a really, really careless thing to do, but the fact that you came clean about it shows real maturity, right? Right? Oh, ok.
It was an honest mistake, but next time, you gotta be more careful.
I will.
I'm sorry.
Ok.
Hey, Lily.
Hey, Mr.
and Mrs.
finnerty.
It's ok, Brad.
I told them what we did.
Oh, crap! No, no, no, no! It's ok.
Don't worry, Brad.
We're cool.
My dad's right.
You guys are ultra-liberals.
Hey, look.
It turns out you guys had a state-of-the-art ski rack.
Ok, erase that, please.
Come on, seannie.
I want a new car.
We deserve it.
Please, please, for the love of god, don't make me go back to big Pete's house of deals.
Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials.
King of deals, wearin' that crown.
Looks like an idiot.
It was a nightmare.
Baby, this is the car.
No way.
You got to pick our last car.
It's my turn.
Oh, come on.
That was 10 years ago when we had, like, 600 bucks.
All right, in 2011 you're up again.
You can get a rocket car.
Oh, come on, now.
Uh, oh-oh.
What? There's a salesman coming.
Oh, damn.
Has he seen us? I don't know.
Uh, let's make a break for it.
Ok.
Can I help you folks? Aah! Aah! Uh, no.
Not really.
I'm Dave.
You are? Uh, monty.
This is my wife patrice.
Hi.
Monty and patrice, how can I put you in a pre-owned vehicle today? W-we're looking for something used, but not too we have one of the largest selections of pre-owned vehicles in the tristate area.
You mean, they're used? Oh, sir, our selection does not just include the pre-owned, we also have a large number of lease returns.
Oh, ok, so, they're also used.
I can assure you, the leased returns and the pre-owneds are completely certified.
How am I gonna get you to say "used?" That's not a word we like here.
All right, at least admit that they're cars.
You mean the vehicles? So you're saying we should cheat? No, I'm not saying we should cheat.
I'm just saying Yes, I'm saying we should cheat But only enough for a reasonable down payment.
Everybody does it, right? I mean, the system owes us.
Babe, we are the victims here.
Someone stole our car.
Why why, ok, should we be punished for being honest? We shouldn't.
You know what? We deserve a nice thing every once in a while.
Eddie, pad away.
I'm on it, brother.
All right.
Yeah.
You know what? I love you, monty.
I love you, patrice.
Mmm, aw, baby.
What the hell was that? Oh, my.
What the? What the oh, jeez.
The door Are you Sean finnerty? Uh, what the? Y-yeah.
Good news.
We found your car.
Damn it! Thank you.
It was abandoned over on victory.
W-what kind of animal would do this? I gotta go.
No, Brad I gotta go! Brad! I can't believe it, Brad.
That car's totally trashed! I'm sorry.
All right, Brad.
Why? Why did you do it? I don't know.
Did you think you could get away with it? I don't know! We want some answers, Brad.
I don't have any! Hey, hey, hey, enough of that.
Oh! Enough of that! Hey! He's stonewalling.
I'm I'm bad, that's all.
I'm just a bad seed.
Yeah, he's part of that new breed of superpredator.
He doesn't care about anything but himself.
Yeah.
What? Brad stole our car? How can we defend against that? He's the last person I'd suspect.
Yeah, you're so nice.
Plus, you're such a doofus.
Wait a minute, whoa, whoa.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
So, so, so after Lily went inside, you just drove off in our car? Back in the house? After you made out.
We made out? Did it mean that little to you? How insulting! Get out of this house, now! Whoa, Brad.
Stick around.
Lily, what is going on? Brad confessed.
Why why why why don't we just move on? What's for dinner? Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Oh-ho-ho Did you do this? Whoa.
Where did that come from? Oh, but you did do this! I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
We didn't mean any harm.
So your whole story was a crock? Not the whole story.
It's ringing.
Hello? Oh, that was great! Oh, man, they're they're star 69ing us.
What do we do? Oh, boy, Brad.
That was a roller coaster ride! I know.
My legs are still shaking.
Well.
Hey, you have your learner's permit, don't you? Yeah.
Let's take my dad's car and go for burgers.
Uh, I'm only allowed to drive with a licensed driver.
Well, that's ok.
I'll drive, and if we get pulled over, we'll just switch seats.
That doesn't make any sense.
Do you want to make sense, or do you want to be with me? Ha! Brad: Brake, brake Lily: Whoo! Brake, brake, brake! Stop! Brake it! Brake! Isn't this great? Yeah.
Ok, give me money.
There.
Thank you.
Ah.
Mmm.
- Oh, my god! - Oh, my god! Get off of me! God! Ooh! Ooh! Both: Oh, my god! Oh, my, not, uh, not good.
Maybe we can stick it back on.
Ok, ok, yeah.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Aah! Ooh.
Oh, man.
Oh, god.
Oh, man.
Oh, god.
Oh, man, oh, god.
Oh, man, oh, god.
Oh, man.
We're dead.
We're goin' to jail, and we're dead.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're cool.
We're cool.
We can handle this, ok? Stop honking at me! What possibly could have gotten into your head? We were so hungry, and there was no food in this house.
Oh, there was food in the house.
There weren't any hamburgers.
You destroyed our car! Isn't this the time where you say "thank god you're not hurt?" We knew you weren't hurt.
You've been walkin' around the house all day.
Yeah, all right.
Can't we all just agree it's spankin' time? No, no, no, no, no.
It was an accident.
I did everything I could to try and fix it.
I even called the one person I knew who could help us.
So what do you think? Oh, it's no big thing.
Thank you, uncle Eddie.
Uncle Eddie? First of all, your daughter came to me.
She was a mess.
She was never gonna get away with it.
Oh, we don't want her to get away with it.
Come on.
Look at look at that little face.
How could I say no? And I just happen to have friends who can fix things.
Yo, Vince! Out of the way.
Vincenzo.
Ed.
All right.
All right.
Vince here is the proprietor.
He's gonna hook you up with everything you need.
Hey, there.
Eddie: Vince, that's my niece.
Hello.
Heh.
Where do you find these people? They find me.
You took a little girl to a chop shop in the middle of the night? Hey, Vince is good people.
Oh, how so? Hey, he hooked us up.
Hey, check it out.
This door just came in.
You guys are lucky.
A lot luckier than the people who owned it.
They're dead.
Oh, god.
Now, I feel bad.
No, no.
I'm sure they'd want you to have it.
Here's your mirror.
Oh, what? This mirror is huge.
Actually, it's smaller than it appears.
Hey The back seat is gone! No way.
We were only gone for 5 minutes.
Somebody must have salvaged it.
Hey, I'm not responsible for people's personal property.
It says so on the thing you're gonna sign.
We're not gonna sign that.
Oh, you're gonna sign it, pretty boy.
You're gonna sign it.
All right, Vince.
Back off.
Oh, my god.
Dad is gonna freak when he sees that back seat.
It's cool.
It's a futon.
It's good.
It's ergonomic.
Ok, ok, new plan.
You're gonna ditch the car and say it was stolen.
What? Guess we're gonna ditch the car and say it was stolen.
Ok, ok.
Lily: Oh, no.
Mom and dad are back.
Step on it.
Go! Sean: They took my That's my hey! Don't panic! Don't panic! Panic is counter productive! Back it up.
Back it up.
Back it up.
Back it up.
Cut it.
Cut it! Cut it! Didn't you hear me say "cut it?" I don't know what that means.
How? How could you help her? Hey, I'm the good guy here.
You are? How are you the good guy? I helped your daughter out of a jam.
I tried to do you guys a favor.
You did? Hey, you wanted a new car.
You didn't have the guts to do what needed to be done to get it.
I did.
Those are the things I do.
Those dirty little details that you don't want to know about in your perfect little suburban white picket fence paradise.
You live, like, It's a different world.
Dad, can we take Brad down to the basement and do things to him? No! Come on.
I mean, we gotta make him confess, right? He already confessed.
There's gotta be other stuff.
Kid's got a point.
No, come on, guys.
Hey, Henry, Jimmy, get upstairs, all right, and Eddie, get your butt out there and start fixing that car.
I have to do everything for this family.
Mr.
finnerty, I'm really sorry.
Please don't send me to a group home.
Don't worry.
We're just gonna go have a little sit-down with your old man.
He's gonna kick my ass! That salad shooter? He doesn't have the stones.
I don't know what that means.
Yeah, I'll explain it to you on the way out.
How, how, how could you do this? What? What? Destroy our car, endanger your life, and lie about it.
See? This this is why I don't tell you things because because you overreact.
Oh, I am not overreacting.
The appropriate reaction would be to swing you around by your hair.
You know, when you act this way, it just makes me feel like next time I do something wrong, I should lie about it.
S-so Punishing her would just make things worse.
Oh, you know what? It would.
It would send out the wrong signals.
Yeah, we'd just be shutting down the channels of communication.
Right.
I think so.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what? Hmm? I say we risk it.
I'm right with you.
Mm-hmm.
What? You know how you're getting your learner's permit next year? Yeah? You're not.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
All of the kids are gonna be driving to school.
I'm gonna look like a loser.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You're gonna look cool because, don't worry, 'cause every day I'm gonna drive you to school in the futon-mobile.
That that's ok.
That's ok.
I'll walk.
No, you won't.
Ohhhh! Only 3 more years.
Oh, till she goes away to college? No, until she can be tried as an adult.
All right.
This should fit.
Oh, w-wait a minute.
That that has pokemon stickers on it.
So peel 'em off.
No, no, no, no.
That's my car seat.
Yeah, for 75 bucks.
No, you don't get it.
That no, no.
That seat came out of my car.
Oh, great.
We know it's gonna fit, then.
Hey, I'm not payin' 75 bucks for that.
That's mine.
Oh, you're gonna pay, hot lips.
You're gonna pay.
Come on.
Hey, no, wait, wait.
W-w-w-wait.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Vincent, Vincent.
Don't what's going on here? Hey! It's business.
Just pay it.
Look, you're not gonna get a better price in town anywhere.
Oh.
It's cool, man.
What are you gettin' crazy for? I don't know.
Ok, w-what's this for? It's commission.
I bring him business.
Aw, jeez.
What? I can't make a living? Hey, that was really cool the way you protected me.
I mean, you never gave up.
Yes, it's it's not my Style? Yeah.
Well, thanks.
No problem.
You'd do the same for me, right? Yeah, I guess.
You wanna go to the dance next week? Yeah, ok.
Yes! Wait, wait, wait, with me, right? With you.
Yes! Whoo!