Grounded For Life (2001) s03e01 Episode Script
301 - I Didn't Start the Fire
I'm walking on sunshine, whoa-oh I said I'm walking on sunshine What are you so happy about, finnerty? Let's just say, ned, today might possibly be the happiest day of my life.
What, did you hit on another $5 scratcher? No, Chuck.
Today I received the best news that a man with 3 kids could ever get.
Minus sign! Yeah! Yes! Thank you, god! Thank you, god! Oh, thank you, god! I know! I know! It was like a bullet was right by my head, and then suddenly, everything became so clear.
Life is too short.
What are you saying? You gotta seize the moment! You gotta go for the gusto, and once I realized that, nothing could get me down.
All right, oh, yeah Don't touch me with that thing! I'm not touching you! Yes, right in front of Dean! I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh And don't it feel good? Whoa-oh Finnerty! Finnerty! There's work to do, you lazy shovel Tucker.
What in cake are you grinning at? Oh, hey, boss.
I was just telling these guys I got a whole new lease on life today.
I own the lease to your life, finnerty.
Till the day you retire you are mine! Hey, relax, man.
It's all good.
Good? It ain't good till I say it's good, and it's bad! So get your fat batches in packages! And put your helmet on, finnerty! What do you think you're doing, finnerty? Those tools are city property, you mall Walker! So unless you're the smeckin' mayor, you best just pick 'em up Mmm-ah! Guys, I'll miss ya.
Aah! Sean: Ha ha! Ha ha! What are we doing here? We're celebratin'! Celebrating? Honey, it's the middle of the week.
Big, big news.
You want a beer? I gotta get us a beer.
Reggie, 2 guinness please.
Hey, Ty, tom.
Uh, fill up my friends here, too.
All right? And let's get the yanks game on.
We're gonna kick some blue Jay ass tonight! All: Yeah! All right, here you go.
A toast.
Ok, what are we toasting? To life and all the wonderful things that can happen, because you have nothing in there but a sandwich.
Whoo! Was that a relief or what? I swear, when I saw that negative sign, I went totally nuts.
Me, too.
No.
No, seriously, I mean, I spent $120 on this haircut.
I quit my job.
No, really.
Really.
Yeah.
Yeah, 2 weeks ago, just quit.
What have you been doing? You're looking at it.
Give me the beer.
G-give, just, come on.
Now, we can get you some help, ok? Really.
Oh, no.
No.
No, baby, you're not understanding.
That's what the big news is.
I bought this bar! Please tell me you're just a drunk.
Ok, ok, look, I knew you'd be in shock, but please, trust me, over time you're gonna learn to love this place.
You wanna take a swing at me, don't ya? Oh, yeah.
Hey! Hey, the kids are here! Are we really allowed to come in? What, are you kidding? You've got the run of the place.
You're the owner's kids.
Except you.
Can we afford to buy a bar? Trust me.
Trust me, it's a smart move.
Trust Get in there! Trust you? I'm supposed to trust you?! You have been pretending to go to work for 2 weeks, and you've been totally lying to me.
Hey, baby, I never lied.
I put on my work clothes, I went out the door.
Never once did you specifically ask me, "are you going to work?" So, what exactly did you do all day, huh? Well, I waited till you guys left, and then I snuck back in the house, and I did things.
Brandy? I don't think you know who you're dealing with, devereaux.
I'm Victor Newman.
If you ever show your face in port Charles again, I shall beat you like a dog.
I shall beat you like a rug! I shall beat your dog with a rug.
And then I shall make mad, passionate love to Ashley, your wife, on said rug.
Your dog can watch.
Hey! Hey, man, what's going on? What the hell are you doing here? I live here! What the hell are you doing here? I stop in every so often, make sure everything's ok.
Maybe cook up a little sausage.
Why? I don't like my house to smell like sausage.
So what are you doing here in the middle of the day? Nothing, I'm just I'm hanging, I'm fine, you know? What have I done, Eddie? What have I done? Here, have a sausage.
I mean, how am I gonna pay for the kid's school? I mean, how am I gonna pay for the mortgage on this house? I'm a moron, ed! Ok, listen, Sean, maybe I can get you out of this jam.
Yeah? How's that? I have some investor friends that presented me with an opportunity I can get you in on.
This one's a can't-miss.
Can't miss? Trust me.
All you need to do is put up a little seed money.
I'm tellin' you, can't miss.
That's my brave little man.
So you trusted Eddie? Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got a really good sense for these things.
He thinks this bar is gonna be huge.
Eddie doesn't work, honey.
As long as I've known him, he's never even had a single job.
Yeah, and yet, he always does well for himself.
Why? Because Eddie thinks outside the box.
Ok? See, he's out of the box, I'm in the box, all right? I'm in this box, he's out of the box.
I have to get out of the box.
Honey.
Honey.
Honey, get a grip, baby.
You hate people who say "out of the box.
" Ah.
That's because I was in the box.
This is so cool.
We're on a date in a bar.
This isn't a date.
You're only here because Jimmy invited you.
Jimmy didn't invite me.
I just saw you guys walking down the street and kinda followed you.
What can I get for you love birds? Love birds.
Stop it.
Just a soda.
Scotch and soda? Yes, a scotch and a soda.
Yes, I, too, will have a scotch and a soda.
Ok.
Oh, my god! This is so freakin' cool! For god's sake, be cool.
More cherries.
No.
Come on, top me off.
You're not getting any more cherries.
You've had enough.
I'll tell you when I've had enough.
Do you know who I am? Do you? What's your name? I'm not gonna tell you my name.
What's Your Name? There's more cherries in the back room, ok? That's more like it.
Uncle Eddie, where are the cherries? Henry, go easy on the cherries, will ya? It's fruit.
It's healthy for me.
I'm not surprised we're getting served.
We have a very adult vibe about us.
Yeah.
I haven't shaved in a month.
I think that helps.
Hey, guys.
What's going on? Go! Go! Go! Get away! Go! Go! Go! What is your problem? Whoa! Shut up! Son.
What? You heard your mom, junior! Go wait in the car while mommy drinks.
Scotch sucks! Hey, what happened? What happened? Jeter hit a 3-run homer.
All right! Hey! Another round on the house! How many free rounds have you given out? I don't know.
You know, there were, like, 4 homers and then 2 doubles, and that fan made a great catch, and then hal, it's gonna be his birthday next week.
There's no cash in this cash register! Hey, baby, see, that's part of the plan.
You know, you gotta get them in, and once you got them in, bam, you got 'em.
When you start charging them for beer, guess what? Romance is over! They'll be going down the street to that new t.
J.
Shenanigan's.
T.
J.
Shenanigan's? Please.
"Where the fun's on tap"? That place has great mini-pizzas.
That place sucks.
Hey, they have a real fun birthday song.
It's not the one you're used to, Sean.
Come on, this place has history.
It's the oldest Irish bar in staten island.
I remember when my grandfather used to take me and Eddie here when we were kids.
Good man, Tim.
Another shot and a beer.
A couple of colas for young seanie and Edwin here.
Are we ever gonna get some lunch? Lunch? Absolutely, lunch.
Yeah, all you can eat right here.
Cool.
What are they? I don't know, but I bet I can eat more than you.
You wish.
Good lads.
Herlihy! Raise a glass.
A toast to the bicentennial.
It's been 200 years since your last bath, ya filthy, stinkin', flag-burning hippy bastard! Ah! Aah! Aah.
I had my first drink in this very bar.
Are we ready to celebrate? Yes! Oh, I'm really not No.
No.
No.
A toast.
A toast.
A toast.
To my little brother Eddie, ok? Without whom None of this would have been possible.
Ok? 'Cause after 16 years of working for the man, today, I am the man.
Fine, you're the man.
That's my girl.
More champanya? A lot more champanya.
Damn, I knew it! This is gonna be great, baby! I love you, ok? Hold on 'cause I'm just gonna go get another bottle of the champanya.
Whoa.
Hey, hi, dad.
Hey, uh, Henry, where'd this box come from? I don't know.
Uncle Eddie put it there.
What the hell? Wow.
Gas cans, oily rags, and matches.
That's a good way to start a fire.
Yeah, uh, Henry, go play somewhere, ok? Ok.
Oh, Eddie! Sean, what are you doing back here? Let's go out front, that's where all the action is.
Nah, you know, I was thinking, I don't know, maybe play a little foosball, you know? Love to.
No ball, let's go.
Oh, come on, wait.
There's gotta be a ball around here somewhere.
Oh, wait! Look, there's a box! Oh, no.
No ball, just some gas cans, oily rags, matches.
That's our blackout preparedness kit.
You're gonna burn down the place for insurance money! No, I'm not.
No, you're not? No, some guy's going to.
You told me this place was a can't-miss, and now you're gonna torch the place for insurance money? That was the can't-miss part! Oh, god! Why, Eddie?! Why do you always do this to me?! Why? I don't know, Sean.
Why do airlines charge twice as much for a one-way ticket? It doesn't make any sense.
Round trips should cost more.
You go there, you come back.
That's 2 times the gas, I can see if one-way costs maybe 70-75%, that's just business, but twice as much? Answer me that! You know, I can't, and it's really about time that I do something about it, but Oh, wait a minute, I just remembered, I don't own an airline, man! I own a bar! All right.
Come on, Sean, you own a piece.
I own a piece, our investors own several pieces, and these are the kind of investors who wanna see their profits quickly.
They're not interested in the fact that Eugene O'Neill got wasted in this place in 1917.
He did? That's the scuttlebu man, why does everything have to be a scam with you? You've never taken the high road your whole life.
Oh, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Besides, I'm looking out for you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You're like my own personal superhero, captain arson! Hey, I'm a good guy.
All right? Remember, I was a guardian angel? Oh, yeah, you, uh, you really made a difference.
Aah! Hey, help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! I did help that guy.
I taught him to be self-reliant.
You weren't even a real guardian angel, man.
You just stole mom's red beret.
You know, th-th-that's the story of your life, Eddie! You know? All the glory, none of the commitment.
You know, you should be thanking me.
I cut you in on this deal.
Do you think the investors liked that idea? They did not.
I fought for you 'cause you're my brother.
Well, you could have at least told me.
I didn't think you'd stand up all that well under questioning.
What questioning? Baby, you were right.
You were right.
You know what my beloved brother is planning on doing? He's gonna torch this place for insurance money.
How much insurance? Plenty.
Claudia! I know.
I Look, this is our policy.
Look at that figure.
Oh, holy mama! Oh, Claudia, no.
Claudia, no! Sean, face it, the only way this bar is ever gonna make any money is if it's on fire.
That's right.
Take a good look at that, thank me later.
You know, we just need to order the right thing.
Don't they have something with peppermint? Like a candy cane kind of thing? What's that blue stuff? That looks harmless.
Ooh, maybe there's something with chocolate.
That sounds good.
Ok.
Ok.
So just order a peppermint, blue, chocolate drink-thing.
He'll know what it is, just order it.
How are those scotches? Both: Good.
Another round? Sure.
Hell, yeah.
Damn it! Are you ok? No, I feel sick.
Well, you know, maybe you should stop eating so many of those cherries.
Maybe you should get off my back.
They're sweet And red, and they make me happy.
Yeah, the entire policy.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Effective immediately.
What are you doing? Oh, uh, I'm ordering pizza.
Yeah, 56893.
Is that our policy number? Yeah.
Cancel in full.
What are you doing? No.
No.
What are you doing? Cancel the entire policy! Yes.
Cancel the whole thing! Bye, have a nice day, thank you.
No, don't cancel it! Oh, I'm sorry, did you need to use the phone? Hey, Sean, babe.
Those, um, chairs back there would look really good in the kitchen, so you might wanna take 'em home tonight before, uh, hoo-hoo you know.
There isn't gonna be any hoo-hoo because Sean sold us out.
What? Oh, me and my big mouth.
Now you did it.
What do we do now, smart guy? I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna roll up our sleeves, we're gonna make this place great.
Honey, we don't have dollar one in the register, and down the block there's a with searchlights in the parking lot.
Sweetie, you just need to face facts.
Buying this bar was a mistake.
No.
No.
No! No! No, the only mistake is not following your dreams.
This place will only fail if I let it fail.
All right, listen up! Listen up, everybody! I need your attention, all right? Now, you got a choice to make.
Now, this is a neighborhood bar, run by neighborhood folk, ok? So you can either keep your business here, or you can go down the street to t.
J.
Shenanigan's, you know.
And so what, they got 75 different types of margaritas, but do you really want your hometown to become one big shopping mall? Have you tried the mini-pizzas? They're delicious.
Ok, no, no, I haven't, and in fairness, I've heard good things.
But this is the red boot pub.
I mean, this has a place of history in this city.
If this place goes, a little piece of all of us goes with it.
You, Phil, hmm? Your dad, he had his retirement party right here in this bar.
That's right.
And you, Conway, when your brother got out of the joint, huh, where was his welcome home party? Right here, all 3 times.
Hey, you know what they have at those t.
J.
Shenanigan's now? Xtreme taters.
They do? They're new! Ok, enough about t.
J.
Shenanigan's! All right? This is a family-owned place.
All right, we're not some big faceless conglomerate, you know, that may or may not be killing baby whales.
All: Ooh.
Ok, so, all I'm saying is if you've had a good time here tonight, all right, you've enjoyed your company, you've had some drinks, you wanna help us keep the lights on, just come on up and just put some money on the bar.
You know, I wouldn't mind checking out those xtreme taters.
You read my mind.
Hey, what's wrong with that kid? Look at his mouth.
Oh, we'll make you feel better somehow, Henry.
Huh? Huh, baby? What's he got? Uh, we don't know, and the doctors down at the free clinic don't know, but It's pretty bad.
Really bad.
Really bad.
Come on.
Well, I guess I did have a few boilermakers.
Wouldn't really kill me to pay for 'em.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
See, yes! Yes, and my son would thank you, but he's got a bad bad mouth.
Here.
Here's a 20.
I don't think we have change.
Oh, well, that's all right.
I'll buy another round.
All right.
Well, thank you very much.
God bless you.
Yeah, this is Oh, thank you.
Thank you! Oh, god! Thank you! Look, baby.
Ooh! Reggie, put this in the register.
I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh I'm walkin' on sunshine Nice work, Sean.
You really taught me something about the moral high road.
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Oh, yeah, but once Henry kicks his cherry habit, you got no gimmick.
All right, you just leave the gimmicks to me, ok? And you take care of the investors.
Oh, I spoke to the investors.
The investors are irked.
You know, they were expecting a gym bag full of cash next week.
Well, just tell 'em to be patient.
I calmed 'em down, but, you know, just in case, I wouldn't start your car for the next few days.
Relax, Eddie.
All right? This place is gonna thrive.
We're the finnerty boys, right? I mean, you know, sure, it's gonna be some long hours and some hard work, but this place is gonna be great.
Sean, that whole hard work thing? Good luck with that.
Hey Want an egg? No.
Oh, 'cause you know I can eat more than you, right? You know, I can eat, like, 10 of those.
Oh, is that all? You're on.
They taste just like they used to.
Wait a minute, you think these are the same eggs? Very possibly.
Hey, baby.
Hair looks great.
Thanks, babe.
Yes.
Yes, I splurged a little bit.
Oh, and you should.
It's terrific.
I mean, it doesn't really look all that different.
It's very different.
It's a really good haircut.
No! It's It's great.
I hope they washed it for Sean, you bought a bar.
Ok, you spent all our money on a bar.
You're right.
You're right, baby.
I'm a jerk.
You're right.
You're right.
That 120 include the tip? Oh, god.
What, did you hit on another $5 scratcher? No, Chuck.
Today I received the best news that a man with 3 kids could ever get.
Minus sign! Yeah! Yes! Thank you, god! Thank you, god! Oh, thank you, god! I know! I know! It was like a bullet was right by my head, and then suddenly, everything became so clear.
Life is too short.
What are you saying? You gotta seize the moment! You gotta go for the gusto, and once I realized that, nothing could get me down.
All right, oh, yeah Don't touch me with that thing! I'm not touching you! Yes, right in front of Dean! I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh And don't it feel good? Whoa-oh Finnerty! Finnerty! There's work to do, you lazy shovel Tucker.
What in cake are you grinning at? Oh, hey, boss.
I was just telling these guys I got a whole new lease on life today.
I own the lease to your life, finnerty.
Till the day you retire you are mine! Hey, relax, man.
It's all good.
Good? It ain't good till I say it's good, and it's bad! So get your fat batches in packages! And put your helmet on, finnerty! What do you think you're doing, finnerty? Those tools are city property, you mall Walker! So unless you're the smeckin' mayor, you best just pick 'em up Mmm-ah! Guys, I'll miss ya.
Aah! Sean: Ha ha! Ha ha! What are we doing here? We're celebratin'! Celebrating? Honey, it's the middle of the week.
Big, big news.
You want a beer? I gotta get us a beer.
Reggie, 2 guinness please.
Hey, Ty, tom.
Uh, fill up my friends here, too.
All right? And let's get the yanks game on.
We're gonna kick some blue Jay ass tonight! All: Yeah! All right, here you go.
A toast.
Ok, what are we toasting? To life and all the wonderful things that can happen, because you have nothing in there but a sandwich.
Whoo! Was that a relief or what? I swear, when I saw that negative sign, I went totally nuts.
Me, too.
No.
No, seriously, I mean, I spent $120 on this haircut.
I quit my job.
No, really.
Really.
Yeah.
Yeah, 2 weeks ago, just quit.
What have you been doing? You're looking at it.
Give me the beer.
G-give, just, come on.
Now, we can get you some help, ok? Really.
Oh, no.
No.
No, baby, you're not understanding.
That's what the big news is.
I bought this bar! Please tell me you're just a drunk.
Ok, ok, look, I knew you'd be in shock, but please, trust me, over time you're gonna learn to love this place.
You wanna take a swing at me, don't ya? Oh, yeah.
Hey! Hey, the kids are here! Are we really allowed to come in? What, are you kidding? You've got the run of the place.
You're the owner's kids.
Except you.
Can we afford to buy a bar? Trust me.
Trust me, it's a smart move.
Trust Get in there! Trust you? I'm supposed to trust you?! You have been pretending to go to work for 2 weeks, and you've been totally lying to me.
Hey, baby, I never lied.
I put on my work clothes, I went out the door.
Never once did you specifically ask me, "are you going to work?" So, what exactly did you do all day, huh? Well, I waited till you guys left, and then I snuck back in the house, and I did things.
Brandy? I don't think you know who you're dealing with, devereaux.
I'm Victor Newman.
If you ever show your face in port Charles again, I shall beat you like a dog.
I shall beat you like a rug! I shall beat your dog with a rug.
And then I shall make mad, passionate love to Ashley, your wife, on said rug.
Your dog can watch.
Hey! Hey, man, what's going on? What the hell are you doing here? I live here! What the hell are you doing here? I stop in every so often, make sure everything's ok.
Maybe cook up a little sausage.
Why? I don't like my house to smell like sausage.
So what are you doing here in the middle of the day? Nothing, I'm just I'm hanging, I'm fine, you know? What have I done, Eddie? What have I done? Here, have a sausage.
I mean, how am I gonna pay for the kid's school? I mean, how am I gonna pay for the mortgage on this house? I'm a moron, ed! Ok, listen, Sean, maybe I can get you out of this jam.
Yeah? How's that? I have some investor friends that presented me with an opportunity I can get you in on.
This one's a can't-miss.
Can't miss? Trust me.
All you need to do is put up a little seed money.
I'm tellin' you, can't miss.
That's my brave little man.
So you trusted Eddie? Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got a really good sense for these things.
He thinks this bar is gonna be huge.
Eddie doesn't work, honey.
As long as I've known him, he's never even had a single job.
Yeah, and yet, he always does well for himself.
Why? Because Eddie thinks outside the box.
Ok? See, he's out of the box, I'm in the box, all right? I'm in this box, he's out of the box.
I have to get out of the box.
Honey.
Honey.
Honey, get a grip, baby.
You hate people who say "out of the box.
" Ah.
That's because I was in the box.
This is so cool.
We're on a date in a bar.
This isn't a date.
You're only here because Jimmy invited you.
Jimmy didn't invite me.
I just saw you guys walking down the street and kinda followed you.
What can I get for you love birds? Love birds.
Stop it.
Just a soda.
Scotch and soda? Yes, a scotch and a soda.
Yes, I, too, will have a scotch and a soda.
Ok.
Oh, my god! This is so freakin' cool! For god's sake, be cool.
More cherries.
No.
Come on, top me off.
You're not getting any more cherries.
You've had enough.
I'll tell you when I've had enough.
Do you know who I am? Do you? What's your name? I'm not gonna tell you my name.
What's Your Name? There's more cherries in the back room, ok? That's more like it.
Uncle Eddie, where are the cherries? Henry, go easy on the cherries, will ya? It's fruit.
It's healthy for me.
I'm not surprised we're getting served.
We have a very adult vibe about us.
Yeah.
I haven't shaved in a month.
I think that helps.
Hey, guys.
What's going on? Go! Go! Go! Get away! Go! Go! Go! What is your problem? Whoa! Shut up! Son.
What? You heard your mom, junior! Go wait in the car while mommy drinks.
Scotch sucks! Hey, what happened? What happened? Jeter hit a 3-run homer.
All right! Hey! Another round on the house! How many free rounds have you given out? I don't know.
You know, there were, like, 4 homers and then 2 doubles, and that fan made a great catch, and then hal, it's gonna be his birthday next week.
There's no cash in this cash register! Hey, baby, see, that's part of the plan.
You know, you gotta get them in, and once you got them in, bam, you got 'em.
When you start charging them for beer, guess what? Romance is over! They'll be going down the street to that new t.
J.
Shenanigan's.
T.
J.
Shenanigan's? Please.
"Where the fun's on tap"? That place has great mini-pizzas.
That place sucks.
Hey, they have a real fun birthday song.
It's not the one you're used to, Sean.
Come on, this place has history.
It's the oldest Irish bar in staten island.
I remember when my grandfather used to take me and Eddie here when we were kids.
Good man, Tim.
Another shot and a beer.
A couple of colas for young seanie and Edwin here.
Are we ever gonna get some lunch? Lunch? Absolutely, lunch.
Yeah, all you can eat right here.
Cool.
What are they? I don't know, but I bet I can eat more than you.
You wish.
Good lads.
Herlihy! Raise a glass.
A toast to the bicentennial.
It's been 200 years since your last bath, ya filthy, stinkin', flag-burning hippy bastard! Ah! Aah! Aah.
I had my first drink in this very bar.
Are we ready to celebrate? Yes! Oh, I'm really not No.
No.
No.
A toast.
A toast.
A toast.
To my little brother Eddie, ok? Without whom None of this would have been possible.
Ok? 'Cause after 16 years of working for the man, today, I am the man.
Fine, you're the man.
That's my girl.
More champanya? A lot more champanya.
Damn, I knew it! This is gonna be great, baby! I love you, ok? Hold on 'cause I'm just gonna go get another bottle of the champanya.
Whoa.
Hey, hi, dad.
Hey, uh, Henry, where'd this box come from? I don't know.
Uncle Eddie put it there.
What the hell? Wow.
Gas cans, oily rags, and matches.
That's a good way to start a fire.
Yeah, uh, Henry, go play somewhere, ok? Ok.
Oh, Eddie! Sean, what are you doing back here? Let's go out front, that's where all the action is.
Nah, you know, I was thinking, I don't know, maybe play a little foosball, you know? Love to.
No ball, let's go.
Oh, come on, wait.
There's gotta be a ball around here somewhere.
Oh, wait! Look, there's a box! Oh, no.
No ball, just some gas cans, oily rags, matches.
That's our blackout preparedness kit.
You're gonna burn down the place for insurance money! No, I'm not.
No, you're not? No, some guy's going to.
You told me this place was a can't-miss, and now you're gonna torch the place for insurance money? That was the can't-miss part! Oh, god! Why, Eddie?! Why do you always do this to me?! Why? I don't know, Sean.
Why do airlines charge twice as much for a one-way ticket? It doesn't make any sense.
Round trips should cost more.
You go there, you come back.
That's 2 times the gas, I can see if one-way costs maybe 70-75%, that's just business, but twice as much? Answer me that! You know, I can't, and it's really about time that I do something about it, but Oh, wait a minute, I just remembered, I don't own an airline, man! I own a bar! All right.
Come on, Sean, you own a piece.
I own a piece, our investors own several pieces, and these are the kind of investors who wanna see their profits quickly.
They're not interested in the fact that Eugene O'Neill got wasted in this place in 1917.
He did? That's the scuttlebu man, why does everything have to be a scam with you? You've never taken the high road your whole life.
Oh, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Besides, I'm looking out for you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You're like my own personal superhero, captain arson! Hey, I'm a good guy.
All right? Remember, I was a guardian angel? Oh, yeah, you, uh, you really made a difference.
Aah! Hey, help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! I did help that guy.
I taught him to be self-reliant.
You weren't even a real guardian angel, man.
You just stole mom's red beret.
You know, th-th-that's the story of your life, Eddie! You know? All the glory, none of the commitment.
You know, you should be thanking me.
I cut you in on this deal.
Do you think the investors liked that idea? They did not.
I fought for you 'cause you're my brother.
Well, you could have at least told me.
I didn't think you'd stand up all that well under questioning.
What questioning? Baby, you were right.
You were right.
You know what my beloved brother is planning on doing? He's gonna torch this place for insurance money.
How much insurance? Plenty.
Claudia! I know.
I Look, this is our policy.
Look at that figure.
Oh, holy mama! Oh, Claudia, no.
Claudia, no! Sean, face it, the only way this bar is ever gonna make any money is if it's on fire.
That's right.
Take a good look at that, thank me later.
You know, we just need to order the right thing.
Don't they have something with peppermint? Like a candy cane kind of thing? What's that blue stuff? That looks harmless.
Ooh, maybe there's something with chocolate.
That sounds good.
Ok.
Ok.
So just order a peppermint, blue, chocolate drink-thing.
He'll know what it is, just order it.
How are those scotches? Both: Good.
Another round? Sure.
Hell, yeah.
Damn it! Are you ok? No, I feel sick.
Well, you know, maybe you should stop eating so many of those cherries.
Maybe you should get off my back.
They're sweet And red, and they make me happy.
Yeah, the entire policy.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Effective immediately.
What are you doing? Oh, uh, I'm ordering pizza.
Yeah, 56893.
Is that our policy number? Yeah.
Cancel in full.
What are you doing? No.
No.
What are you doing? Cancel the entire policy! Yes.
Cancel the whole thing! Bye, have a nice day, thank you.
No, don't cancel it! Oh, I'm sorry, did you need to use the phone? Hey, Sean, babe.
Those, um, chairs back there would look really good in the kitchen, so you might wanna take 'em home tonight before, uh, hoo-hoo you know.
There isn't gonna be any hoo-hoo because Sean sold us out.
What? Oh, me and my big mouth.
Now you did it.
What do we do now, smart guy? I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna roll up our sleeves, we're gonna make this place great.
Honey, we don't have dollar one in the register, and down the block there's a with searchlights in the parking lot.
Sweetie, you just need to face facts.
Buying this bar was a mistake.
No.
No.
No! No! No, the only mistake is not following your dreams.
This place will only fail if I let it fail.
All right, listen up! Listen up, everybody! I need your attention, all right? Now, you got a choice to make.
Now, this is a neighborhood bar, run by neighborhood folk, ok? So you can either keep your business here, or you can go down the street to t.
J.
Shenanigan's, you know.
And so what, they got 75 different types of margaritas, but do you really want your hometown to become one big shopping mall? Have you tried the mini-pizzas? They're delicious.
Ok, no, no, I haven't, and in fairness, I've heard good things.
But this is the red boot pub.
I mean, this has a place of history in this city.
If this place goes, a little piece of all of us goes with it.
You, Phil, hmm? Your dad, he had his retirement party right here in this bar.
That's right.
And you, Conway, when your brother got out of the joint, huh, where was his welcome home party? Right here, all 3 times.
Hey, you know what they have at those t.
J.
Shenanigan's now? Xtreme taters.
They do? They're new! Ok, enough about t.
J.
Shenanigan's! All right? This is a family-owned place.
All right, we're not some big faceless conglomerate, you know, that may or may not be killing baby whales.
All: Ooh.
Ok, so, all I'm saying is if you've had a good time here tonight, all right, you've enjoyed your company, you've had some drinks, you wanna help us keep the lights on, just come on up and just put some money on the bar.
You know, I wouldn't mind checking out those xtreme taters.
You read my mind.
Hey, what's wrong with that kid? Look at his mouth.
Oh, we'll make you feel better somehow, Henry.
Huh? Huh, baby? What's he got? Uh, we don't know, and the doctors down at the free clinic don't know, but It's pretty bad.
Really bad.
Really bad.
Come on.
Well, I guess I did have a few boilermakers.
Wouldn't really kill me to pay for 'em.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
See, yes! Yes, and my son would thank you, but he's got a bad bad mouth.
Here.
Here's a 20.
I don't think we have change.
Oh, well, that's all right.
I'll buy another round.
All right.
Well, thank you very much.
God bless you.
Yeah, this is Oh, thank you.
Thank you! Oh, god! Thank you! Look, baby.
Ooh! Reggie, put this in the register.
I'm walkin' on sunshine Whoa-oh I'm walkin' on sunshine Nice work, Sean.
You really taught me something about the moral high road.
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Oh, yeah, but once Henry kicks his cherry habit, you got no gimmick.
All right, you just leave the gimmicks to me, ok? And you take care of the investors.
Oh, I spoke to the investors.
The investors are irked.
You know, they were expecting a gym bag full of cash next week.
Well, just tell 'em to be patient.
I calmed 'em down, but, you know, just in case, I wouldn't start your car for the next few days.
Relax, Eddie.
All right? This place is gonna thrive.
We're the finnerty boys, right? I mean, you know, sure, it's gonna be some long hours and some hard work, but this place is gonna be great.
Sean, that whole hard work thing? Good luck with that.
Hey Want an egg? No.
Oh, 'cause you know I can eat more than you, right? You know, I can eat, like, 10 of those.
Oh, is that all? You're on.
They taste just like they used to.
Wait a minute, you think these are the same eggs? Very possibly.
Hey, baby.
Hair looks great.
Thanks, babe.
Yes.
Yes, I splurged a little bit.
Oh, and you should.
It's terrific.
I mean, it doesn't really look all that different.
It's very different.
It's a really good haircut.
No! It's It's great.
I hope they washed it for Sean, you bought a bar.
Ok, you spent all our money on a bar.
You're right.
You're right, baby.
I'm a jerk.
You're right.
You're right.
That 120 include the tip? Oh, god.