Grounded For Life (2001) s04e14 Episode Script

Don't these 976 things cost, like, $2.
00 a minute? So? So my parents will murder me.
They'll never know.
Phone companies can't list a 976 number on your phone bill.
It's against federal privacy laws.
Really? My brother calls these things all the time.
Here.
[dialing.]
It's asking if I'm over 18.
If you can press 1, you are.
Uhhi, Dakota.
I'm fine.
How are you? Me? Jimmy Finnerty.
Uh, but that's--that's not my real name, by the way.
Uh-huh.
No.
No, I don't-- I don't mind at all.
If your apartment's that hot, then by all means.
[beep.]
Call waiting! Call waiting! Just get rid of 'em.
Dakota? I'm sorry.
Hang on one second.
[beep.]
Hello? Hi.
Yeah.
I'm kinda in the middle of something, Aunt Marie.
Oh, Aunt Marie.
Can she call you back? We've been trading phone calls all day.
Mom-- Hey, Marie.
Oh--[laughs.]
No, his voiced changed.
All of a sudden, he's a man.
Mom-- It's so cute.
[imitating a drumbeat.]
Well, that'sWow.
Yeah? Get ready, Florida.
Here comes Hurricane Brad.
Where'd you get that outfit? Really, really Old Navy? Hey.
When me and my gramps hit the beach, heads are gonna turn.
You know, this is gonna be the first time we're gonna be apart since we started dating.
I'm not leaving for a few weeks.
We'll just have to spend extra time together before I go.
You smell like coconut.
Oh, yeah.
It's this new bronzer I'm trying out.
Check it out.
No tan line.
Mom? Brad! And three days a week, I take classes at Wadsworth College.
Hey, Mom, I need the phone when you're off.
No! You can't.
Go away! But I have the phrase that pays.
Yeah.
No, actually, college is a lot harder than I expected.
I've got midterms.
I'm already stressing out.
No, Sean's being very supportive.
Is that Aunt Marie? Tell her I still have that awful hair that makes me look like a drug dealer.
Sean sends his love.
Okay.
Okay, we'll talk then.
Bye-bye.
[phone rings.]
I'll get it.
Hello? No, we're really happy with our long-distance service.
God, is that another telemarketer? Let me just talk-- Sorry.
Um, I--I hung up.
** [theme.]
So what's your grandma's place like? It's nice.
There's a lot of old people here.
Wish you were here.
I'm so bored.
God, me, too.
I was thinking about going to the beach tomorrow, but there's no cell reception out there.
** [rock.]
Hang on a second.
Do you mind? Sorry, Brad.
The hippies are rocking out! ** [rock.]
** [reverb.]
Hear that, man? I'm like a young Robert Fripp over here.
You don't know how to use the wa-wa pedal.
You got no funk in your foot.
Excuse me? You don't have half of my funk.
Hey, baby.
You okay? I had a test.
I had a midterm in Economics.
My whole grade depends on this test.
I did not do well.
Where the hell's Lattimore 223? "You are here.
" Where's here? Oh, God! Not Lattimore.
Oh! Yaah! Guys, can you tell me where Lattimore is? I'm looking for Lattimore.
You're in luck.
I'm Lattimore.
Oh, you're Lattimore.
Yeah, that's really cute.
You want to tell me where the [thunder.]
Lattimore is, you [thunder.]
piece of [car horn honks.]
? It's just past the main quad, behind the student union.
Thank you! And pencils down.
How can they move the test without even telling me? Baby, everybody was in the same boat.
No, no, no, no, no.
They were not in the same boat.
They got called.
I did not.
That is not the boat I had.
I'm sure if you ask your professor, baby-- Oh, yes, right.
That hard-ass? No way.
I'm totally screwed.
But you know what? I'm not taking this lying down.
People are gonna hear about this.
Oh, God, this is not good.
What? Remember the other night, we were watching the Knicks game? Yes! Good shot! Good shot! [phone rings.]
Hello.
Uh, no, she's not.
Tuesday moved to Lattimore 223.
Okay, thank you.
Remind me to tell Claudia her Econ test's been moved.
You got it.
Come on, come on! Eddie, you were supposed to remind me.
I thought you asking me was some sort of pneumonic device.
Ah, God.
I'm dead.
I am dead.
Just tell her you screwed up.
I can't.
I'm in a bad spot here.
This was not my first offense.
I am so late, so late.
Oh, hey, baby, don't worry about it.
Denise dropped by yesterday.
She can't make it.
Sean, why are there plumbers in our bathroom? Oh, yeah, they're coming today.
Uhh! What's wrong, baby? The doctor still hasn't called.
The results should be in by now.
Oh, no.
He called last week.
What? Yeah, yeah.
It's benign.
I think the solution is pretty simple, Sean.
Oh, yeah? What's that? Stop answering the phone.
It was the funniest show.
I wish you'd seen it.
Do you even get Channel 11 down there? Yeah, but it's like Channel 38 instead.
Really? I bet a lot of it's like that, like the channel's the same, but with a different number.
Like 4 is 2, but 2 is 8.
We don't even get 8 here.
I know! Is that a phone? Uh, yes, it is.
So what is it, then? Uh It's a phone.
What do you call it? He's telling you it's a phone! I know it's a phone! What's going on? Uh, some guy's telling this other guy it's a phone.
If you're going to sit like that in those swim trunks, you should wear underpants.
Uh, Lily, I got to go.
Okay.
Call me back.
Okay.
Brad, call me back.
I miss you, I need you.
I do not sound like that.
It's gross.
It's like you can't live without him.
Go away! Oh, kissy-kissy.
I need you, mmm! What an idiot.
Brad'll get a kick out of that one.
Hello.
Hello! Who is this? Aah! Lily, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
You okay? Yeah.
It's just-- well, my friend Wayne-- from school, you know-- a couple of weeks ago, he got me to call a 976 number.
Eww.
He swore it wouldn't show up on the phone bill.
The next thing at school, he was like-- Turns out it does show up on your phone bill.
So I grabbed the bill out of the mail before Mom and Dad could see it.
Now it's past due.
Look.
$116? The first minute was free.
Uhh Okay, okay, there's got to be a way out of this.
Oh, do you have $116? No.
Right.
Okay, um well, we could claim that the bill never came, and they'd just send another one.
We could forge their signatures-- [phone rings.]
Ooh.
Hello.
Brad! Hey! Lily, I-- Nothing, I'm just talking to Jimmy.
Lily, I-- [amp shuts off.]
It's not my fault.
That T.
A.
never called me.
You know what? Just give me the professor's home number.
Well, of course I'm gonna yell at him.
What is your name, genius? I'm so stupid.
I am so stupid! I am so stupid.
I should have written that damn message down.
You did.
You wrote it down, and you you put it on the refrigerator.
Eddie, I didn't.
You did.
It's not your fault.
It fell off and went under the refrigerator.
Oh.
my God.
You are brilliant.
Okay, okay.
Uh, piece of paper, piece of paper.
Post--no.
Hold on.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
I got it, okay.
Claudia, okay? Econ test moved to Lattimore 223.
It's just bad luck.
You know, it fell there, and nobody knows.
Oh! I can't begin to tell you how furious I am with that stupid T.
A.
Whoa, baby, is this about your Economics test? Yes.
What do you think I've been talking about? Oh, no.
What? Oh, my God.
Therewas a message, remember? Someone called a couple of days ago, remember, Ed? I remember that.
I wrote it down.
No, no, no, no, no.
I never got a message.
What? No.
I--I took it down.
I put it on a note.
it was right here.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, no! Oh, God, how could this happen? How could You let this happen? You know, I blame these damn fruit magnets.
This was inevitable.
It'll happen again.
Man, I just spent two hours yelling at my professor's assistant.
I should have used the cherry, but I used the banana! Damn it, I am kicking myself! Honey, it's not your fault.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Who's to say? I mean, like you said, nobody's at fault.
The point is, Claudia Finnerty is not a quitter, huh? So you're gonna get back on that horse, and you're gonna win that race, huh, baby? Thanks.
That was close.
You were brilliant, my brother.
I couldn't have done it without you, buddy.
Uh, Sean? I just want to know to tell my professor when I call him.
When did the T.
A.
leave this message? Uh, it was Tuesday afternoon.
Got it.
Okay.
It's funny, 'cause this note that fell under the fridge, it's on the back of a receipt that's dated this morning.
Really? Yeah, it is.
You wrote this today, didn't you? Today? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
W-What is today? It ain't Tuesday.
Come on.
You didn't write down the message.
You got the call and never told me.
Whoa.
That is a pretty serious allegation.
It just wasn't important enough for you to worry about that I might miss a test.
I might have to take this class over again next semester.
Maybe he'll let you take the test again.
Yeah, maybe he'll let me take the test again.
This is not high school, Sean.
This is college.
They don't let you just retake tests any-- What did you buy at Sam Ash Music for $120? Uh, well, I got, uh, it was--among other things, it was I got a wa-wa pedal.
And you needed that to Uh, make my guitar go wa-wa.
Okay.
Okay.
So to make ends meet around here, I'm using Bob the Builder shampoo from the 99 Cent Store, and you're spending $120 for a wa-wa pedal that makes your-- I'm sorry.
What was that nice sound again? [high voice.]
Wa-wa.
** [Wa-wa.]
Yeah, she gets it, Ed.
Hi.
Ha ha.
Me again.
Just checkin' up on ya.
Okay.
I guess you're out.
No biggie.
None.
Okay.
Talk to you later.
Bye.
Damn it, I forgot to tell him to call me back.
Honey, you left that on the last 10 messages.
Just calm down.
It's been three hours, Mom.
I'm not stupid, okay? He's in Florida.
Florida! Where the girls go wild! I don't think the girls go so wild in Leisure Village.
What was I thinking? Oh, my God, I made fun of his shorts.
I--I'm gonna call him and apologize.
Great! Great! His mailbox is full! Who's calling him? I wonder.
So you made Sean return the wa-wa pedal? No.
I just told him every time he used it, it would remind me of what a thoughtless ass he was.
You're creating an atmosphere of terror around here.
You're making Sean afraid to lie to you.
You just want the wa-wa pedal.
I don't ask for much.
Oh.
The mail came? Here.
I can carry this for you.
Okay.
No Victoria's Secret.
Ha! Yeah, you got me.
Okay.
What do you want me to do? I want you to break into the O'Keefes' house.
Okay.
Don't you want to know what you're looking for? Oh.
Okay.
Yeah, I need you to find Brad's phone charger.
Why? Because he hasn't called me, and you know how Brad is.
He probably forgot to charge it, and now it's out of juice.
Yeah.
Well, you know, there could be other explanations.
Maybe he went to the beach, or he met another-- There are no other explanations! Go! Ohh! I'm okay.
[door opens.]
So what was it? What are you talking about? I saw you palm that envelope.
No, no.
I was just trolling for lingerie.
Got busted.
We all had a good laugh.
All right.
Have it your way.
Okay, wait.
I did something really bad.
What are we talking about here? Termination of phone service.
This is the second one we got.
I thought it was gonna be okay, because my friend Wayne says-- They can't actually cut your primary line.
It's a Constitutional protection.
Who is this Wayne? He's a guy who knows things.
Dark chocolate is 2% cocaine.
There's a type of sushi that if a girl eats it, she has to do it within an hour.
If you fart and burp at the same time, your lungs will collapse.
Okay, first of all, don't listen to Wayne anymore.
Wayne's full of crap.
Except about the sushi thing.
Oh, man.
Well, why is this phone bill your problem? Well, I've been hiding it because I called a certain number.
I just wanted to see if it was true: if they'd talk to you and you could-- I don't need to know that.
You know, people have needs.
I'm not here to judge.
Let's just try to resolve the situation.
Now bring me that first bill.
I'm gonna perform some magic on it.
Your parents will never know.
What are you gonna do? Bring me a fine point Bic pen, some sandpaper, a Q-Tip, some Vaseline, and a beer.
Got it.
Jimmy? Nothing.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
What's that? Oh, this? This is a, uh it's a wa-wa pedal.
I thought you were returning that.
I was going to, but then I realized I'd have to use it with this.
One second.
* Da da da da da da da * Oh, you bought a new guitar? That's right.
I couldn't resist.
What are you thinking? I was gonna return the pedal, and then I started thinking about what you told me about how you couldn't retake the test, and you'd have to take the class again.
Yes, yes, of course I remember.
I felt so bad that I figured I should do something about it.
So does anyone have any questions? I do.
Why are you being such an ass to my wife? Excuse me? My wife, Claudia Finnerty, missed your test because of my simple mistake.
I admit that.
But my mistake was an innocent one.
Yours? Yours is a stupid power trip.
You could let her take the test again, but no, no, no! No retests.
You, sir, are not an educator! No.
You are a bully and an ass.
I told her she could take the test again on Friday.
Oh, you did, did you? Okay.
Uh You told me they wouldn't let you take the test again.
When I told you that, it was true, I thought.
The professor was just very understanding when I spoke to him.
Funny how you forgot to tell me that part, how you let me lie in bed feeling guilty! Yes, because if I'd have let you off the hook, you wouldn't have learned your lesson.
You just go along your stupid way-- do-do-do-dee-do.
Oh, my God, this is about teaching me a lesson? Yes, of course it is! You have to learn to be more responsible! You know what? I'd like to hear this, but I have a big fat book of Zeppelin songs I have to master.
Oh, oh, the precious.
Oh, gee! I love the precious! Henry! Henry! Did you find anything? Yeah! The O'Keefes leave out bowls full of candy! Henry.
Right out on the table.
All you want.
You're supposed to find Brad's phone charger, not candy! Okay, okay.
Lily! What? In the kitchen, little chocolate bars.
Oh, my God, it's like a dream! Henry, do not touch another piece of candy until you find the phone charger, do you understand me? Okay, okay.
[phone rings.]
Hello.
Hey, Lil.
Brad! Ha.
How's it going? Good, good.
Hey, sorry I haven't called.
Well, I didn't realize.
I--I've been out.
Yeah, well, the old guys started playing Tetris on my phone, and they got really into it, and I couldn't get my phone back-- A little more Tetris.
Get off me! God.
Uh, anyway, then the alarm company called because the silent alarm in our house go tripped, and my dad was on the phone dealing with them forever.
Wow, that's annoying.
Uh, so what have you got planned for today? Uhnothing.
Yeah, me, neither.
I'm bored.
Lily! Lily! I'm on the phone! I think I might go to the mall with Allison.
I'll pay for the candy! Okay.
Enough.
You made your point.
I got it, okay? I made a bad choice.
You rubbed it in.
Now please return the guitar.
We can't afford it.
Oh, actually, baby, we can.
See, this guitar costs less than the course would have cost had you had to retake it, so the way I see it, I'm rubbing it in your face and passing the savings along to you.
** I--I can't even talk to you.
How about a little exit music? ** Stop it.
[striking a chord for every step.]
Stop it! [doorbell rings.]
["descending" chords.]
Lina, hey, come in.
You ready? We got to get going.
For what? Danielle's baby shower.
No, that's next week.
No, no, no.
We moved it.
I told Sean.
You told Sean? Y-You couldn't have told Sean, 'cause Sean certainly would have told me.
Uh, actually, I don't really need another guitar.
Okay, but you made the cake? Sean, any news about a cake? Uh, they have a 30-day return policy that I'm sure they're pretty cool about.
All right, I'll call Danielle.
You find an open bakery.
The phone is dead.
Oh, no.
Is this a phone bill behind the piano? Looks like it, Jim.
Apparently, it fell back there some time ago.
Holy crap, this was due weeks ago.
Oh, wow, that's a bummer.
Don't worry, Jimmy.
It's nobody's fault, yours less than anybody's.
You know what I bet happened? A gust of wind must have picked it up, threw it right back behind the piano.
Yeah, yeah, what a theory.
Let's be quiet now.
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA