Gunsmoke (1955) s01e14 Episode Script

Professor Lute Bone

ANNOUNCER: Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.
Wind and rain from the prairie is wearing away the names written on these Boot Hill markers.
But then there are always new graves with new names.
I know, I'm Matt Dillon, U.
S.
marshal.
And sometimes I had a part in putting them here.
Seldom does the kin of a man lying on Boot Hill come to tend his grave or leave a bunch of flowers.
Many times, the man was just passing through Dodge, delayed a minute too long and now he's here to stay.
She is beginning to breathe, doctor, ain't she? Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Get me that hot water kettle, Mrs.
Ringle.
Hold it.
Never mind.
Never mind the water.
Never mind.
There.
Uh, get me a blanket, son.
Get, quick.
Come on.
There we are.
Yes.
There we are.
Oh.
There she is, Mrs.
Ringle.
She'll be all right now.
Just put her in that crib.
Keep her warm.
Oh, thank God for you, Dr.
Adams.
We never thought there was a chance when she started turning blue like that.
It was such a far trip into Dodge to get ya.
Doc thanks.
I tied a heifer to your buggy.
I just don't understand this.
That baby had bronchial pneumonia, but she was well on her way to recovery.
I I left careful instructions for you, Mrs.
Ringle.
Did you follow my instructions? Oh, we done everything you said, just the way you told us.
We even done more.
More?! Professor Bone said it was a sure cure for any kind of cold, sore throat, lung trouble, and what all.
So we just thought we'd make double sure and give her a- Double sure? Well, you just almost killed your own baby with this stuff.
But Professor Bone- "Professor Bone said.
" That quack has had his last say with any of my patients, and if Marshal Dillon doesn't run him out of the country, by thunder, I'll do it myself.
Now, you two do just exactly like I said, you hear? Good night.
Ah, Mr.
Dillon, I could just listen to that Professor Bone's spiel every day.
You do.
Oh, well, yeah.
Anyway, that, uh, tonic of his is better than any medicine I ever tasted.
What's ailing you? Oh.
General debility.
That's what the professor said.
It's, uh Uh Well, it just covers the whole shebang is what it does.
Heh.
Well, heh I'll see you later, Mr.
Dillon.
I don't wanna miss nothing.
Heh.
Where'd you get the calf, Doc? That murdering old scarecrow with his universal curative is getting all the hard cash in this town, I get paid off in livestock and vegetables and promises.
Sounds like you've had a tough night.
"Tough"? I'll show you how tough it was.
Couple of young pumpkin-rollers out on the prairie.
You know 'em, the Ringles.
They bought some of this swill he's selling and dosed their baby with it.
Depressed its respiration, darn near choked her to death.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Listen to that! I have a surprise for you.
A big surprise.
About to stand beside me on this wagon is a man you all know and respect.
A man whose very presence has contributed mightily to the progress of your fair town.
A man whose soul is pure, but whose body- Ah! Whose body has been a host of five diseases.
Five separate diseases.
Any one of which might have been fatal.
But he's been saved.
Three bottles.
Three bottles of Professor Bone's universal curative have done it.
And here he is, ladies and gentlemen.
Here he is: Chester Goode.
Step right up, sir, step right up and speak.
Pour your heart out for the sake of your fellow man.
Ladies and gentlemen, fellow sufferers Boy, that simple-minded- Chester.
Get down off of there.
Ah.
Hello, Mr.
Dillon.
Come on.
Excuse me, Professor Bone, uh Marshal, you're going a great disservice to this community, not letting this man tell his inspiring story for all to hear.
Go on with your lecture, professor.
But you'll have to find yourself another worthy citizen with a pure soul.
Come on, Chester.
Hey, professor.
Yes, my friend? You claim that stuff will cure anything.
Every disorder known to medical faculty.
All right.
My daddy's turned 80, and he's been flat on his back for more than a year.
Regular doses of my universal curative will restore his waning powers and endow him with the vigor and vitality of a man half his age.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, who'll be the first-? Yeah, but my daddy's got a hate against taking medicine.
He's a stubborn old coot, and- I'll tell you what, my friend.
I'll be happy to come and visit the old gentleman and explain to him the virtues of this wonder nostrum in person.
But now, if you don't mind, I'll pass out a couple of these bottles to the good folks waiting around here.
There you are, ma'am.
Fifty cents.
Fifty cents for the greatest Fifty cents a bottle.
Matt, you heard what he said about visiting Hank Stooler's father.
Now if that isn't practicing medicine without a license, I don't know what is.
Yeah, Doc.
The old man's flat on his back because I told him to stay that way.
He's just plain worn out, and he's got a bad heart.
And if he thinks I'm gonna- Doc.
Now, come on, let's go in the office.
Fifty cents, 50 cents for the wonder nostrum Just look at you.
All doped up with that hogwash.
I feel good, if that's what you mean.
There's nothing wrong in that.
So you decided to get up to tell the world about it, huh? Yes, sir, I mean Sure.
I- I made a deal with Professor Bone.
A deal? A deal?! I give 'em an honest testimonial, and he gives me $2 a day and all the medicine I can drink, free.
I ask you for the last time, Matt, are you gonna do something about this blustering scoundrel? Well, I can't keep a man from operating a legitimate business, Doc.
Legitimate?! Well, what he's selling's no better or worse than other elixirs on the market.
I hate saying this to you, Matt, but I don't think you're much of a marshal! Oh, no need to say that- You shut your mouth! What'd you say? Just like you, I've got a job to do.
Blow me, I am gonna do mine right, whether the letter of the law says I can or not.
What are you talking about? I'll tell ya.
I've got a hunch what's in this witch's brew.
Well, it's mostly alcohol, usually.
Yes, there may be something a lot more deadly.
But I'm gonna make sure.
And if I'm right, I swear to you I'll blow that flannel-mouthed swindler in half.
And you're not gonna stop me.
Well I think Doc means it.
Ah.
Evening, marshal.
Hello, professor.
Unbend.
Rest yourself a while.
Professor, I'm not gonna waste words with you.
Ah? I'm here to ask you to be on your way.
Why? What do you got against me? Nothing against you.
It's just your medicine.
You're talking for Dr.
Adams, aren't you? I'm talking for myself.
You wouldn't be so quick to side with the good doctor if you had witnessed the cures it's been my privilege to see.
You'd believe in my universal curative with all your heart and soul.
Now, professor, if you really believe in this curative of yours and its benefits, why do you peddle it from the back of a wagon like a quack medicine man? I don't understand what you mean.
Well, this morning you had Chester up there testifying to a lot of lies.
There wasn't a thing wrong with him, but you still had him believing he needed your curative.
It's true I resorted to somewhat shady means: frontier salesmanship.
It's equally true I knew that young man had no ailments.
But it was a harmless deception.
It's not harmless if people believe those lies.
Ah, people come to expect that kind of thing.
Had I merely come to Dodge and set up a store, no one would have paid any attention.
I deplore the methods I have to use to show my wares, but I feel that the means is justified by the end.
And that's having people buy your medicine.
That's right, marshal.
It's restored health to thousands of ailing people.
Yes, sir, right from Sonora clear to the Canadian line.
I just want you to know, professor, that, uh, if you stay around Dodge, I'm gonna have to find a way to run you out.
That puts me square against you, marshal.
I've already made arrangements to rent a store on Front Street, a place in a growing community where I can bottle my medicine, sell its benefits to one and all.
I see.
I hope you're not gonna try and stop me.
Well, in your own words, professor, this puts me square against you.
Don't do it.
Hello, Kitty.
Matt, that old fool Professor Bone's running that store down at the end of Front Street, and he's put up a sign with his name on it.
Well, there's not much I can do about that.
It's not that I'm worried about.
It's Doc.
Why? He saw the sign too.
Took one look at it and headed for his office.
Said he was gonna get a gun.
Get a gun? Doc's mad enough at Bone to shoot him, Matt.
You gotta do something about it.
I will.
All right, Doc, I'll take it.
What? You know what.
I want that gun.
No, you don't.
You're looking at a one-man safety committee.
Now you get out of my way.
Doc, listen to Matt.
Don't be a fool.
There's nothing for Matt and I to talk about.
The marshal and I have nothing in common, not anymore.
All right, Doc.
Matt! Oh.
There's a lot of choice things I'd like to call you right now, if there wasn't a female present.
All right, go ahead, Doc.
Get it all out of your system.
You're a marshal.
You- You wear a badge.
You could do something about this.
But instead you- Do you know what you're doing? What? You are protecting an opium peddler.
Opium? Doc.
One of the most dangerous, vicious drugs there is.
You sure he's doing this? Why, the stuff's loaded with it.
I've tasted and sampled enough of it, I oughta know.
And I checked in the pharmacopoeia.
Matt, you can't let this go on.
All right, Doc.
You stay here, I'll take care of this somehow.
No, you don't.
I'm goin' with you, Matt.
Whether you like it or not, you've got a deputy.
You can't say that to me, marshal.
It's not true.
It's about time you faced it, professor.
You're selling opium.
Selling opium? Huh! It's true there's an infinitesimal quantity of it in there, but only for therapeutical purposes.
Not enough to harm an infant.
But it almost killed one that I know of.
You don't know what you're talking about.
The Ringle baby! I spent one whole night putting life back into that little body that was all doped up with your cure-all.
There must have been something else wrong with the child.
I refuse to believe- Look, I don't care what you believe, professor.
From now on, the label on your medicine is gonna say that it contains a dangerous, habit-forming drug.
Ha, you can't do that to me.
Just as long as you're in Dodge, that's the way it's gonna be.
Last night, tried to run me out of business.
Now you're getting the idea.
I'm not gonna do it, gentlemen.
My medicine has helped too many people.
You can't force me away from Dodge when people here might need me.
No, sir, I'm gonna stay.
You better think it over.
I know I'm right and you're wrong.
I'll take my case to the law.
There's the man I'm lookin' for.
Hold it, Hank.
What's the trouble? This crazy, lying professor.
I'll kill him.
Calm down, quick.
You better get out of my way, marshal, unless you wanna get full of holes.
Don't make me draw, Hank.
You wouldn't stop me if you knew what he'd done.
Now what's all this about, Hank? His medicine.
He talked my daddy into buying a batch of it.
He started taking it, and he fell down dead.
But my medicine My medicine wasn't responsible.
You dirty, murdering liar! All right, now, hold it, Hank.
Chester, take Professor Bone over to jail.
I'm locking you up for practicing medicine without a license, professor.
That'll be the charge till I get back from Stooler's place.
Let's go, professor.
I guess I'll need you, Doc.
This is one inquest I'll be glad to do without charge.
Come on, Hank.
It's better to get rid of this stuff, Mrs.
Stooler.
Ain't no use talking to her, marshal.
Not a word come out of her since Daddy keeled over dead out there on the field.
She'd been married to Daddy almost 50 years.
Can't understand nothing but that he ain't here no more.
There's a law against fakers like Professor Bone, ain't there? Well, I'm afraid not, Hank.
Well, then you're the law.
You can't stand by and let him crowd folks into their grave before their natural time.
I-if you're not gonna do nothing about it, I- Hank.
Take your mother into the other room, will you? I wanna talk to Doc alone.
Well, don't think that I'm just talkin', I- Do like I say, will you? Well, I looked at him.
If you want my verdict, nothing short of murder.
Like Hank said, he started to guzzle that stuff by the bottle, got to feeling so good he thought he was 40 years younger.
Went out and tried to plow a field.
His heart just couldn't stand it.
Well, that's clear enough.
Well, what are you gonna do about Professor Bone? I'm gonna run him out get rid of him for good.
You're- You're calling me a murderer, marshal.
Be earnest with yourself for once, professor.
You killed this man.
But I I I only wanted to help.
Nobody gives a hoot about your good intentions.
You're just lucky the law doesn't make what you did a hanging offense.
It's strange.
Only yesterday, all I wanted was to win your respect and find a place to myself to spend the rest of my days.
Now there There's nothing.
Well, you're free to go, professor.
As long as you put a lot of distance between you and Dodge.
Go? Go where? Well, if you had any kind of a conscience, there'd be no place for you.
I'll be out to the grove this evening, professor, just to make sure you're gone.
Sure, sure, marshal.
You You don't have no reason to trust me.
You don't have to worry, marshal, I'm leaving.
Did you have to do that? Saw its day as I've seen mine.
I've been deceiving myself.
You'll still find a place for yourself somewhere, professor.
Where I can live with my conscience? Well, goodbye, marshal.
You gave me a square shake all the way down the line.
You're feeling pity for me, aren't you? Pity? That's the way of things.
Someday there won't be a place out here even for a gunfighting marshal.
And you'll be riding off just like me.
Well, when that time comes, professor, I'll be the happiest man in Dodge.
But in the meantime, somebody's gotta be here because of people like you.

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