Gunsmoke (1955) s01e27 Episode Script
Cooter
Gunsmoke starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.
There are a lot of ways a man can die.
And maybe violence is the easiest.
Fever in the brain is worse, or disease that fades into skin and bone.
And sometimes you see another thing.
A man who's never lived at all, except to eat and sleep.
A man whose mind is like a child.
Who needs protection, even from himself.
That's another job for me, Matt Dillon, U.
S.
marshal.
Try him again, Sam.
Right, Miss Kitty.
Well, Cooter, did you remember what he wanted? Yes, sir.
Uh, rye.
Rye he gets.
I do, I remember.
Open for 10.
Call.
Forty to you, Kid.
Your 40.
And I've got left$30.
And that cleans me.
I'm aiming for the pot.
It's too bad you didn't start this game with a man's bankroll so I could have had the pleasure of your company a little longer.
I've already dropped over $300 here, mister.
And I notice that ain't been small enough to keep you from pickin' it up.
Oh, no offense, Kid.
Cooter, bring the drink to the table.
He's been over an hour getting that one drink.
Cooter, when I send you for a drink, bring it back to me quickly.
I forgot, Mr.
Sissle.
Well, it's all right this time, but don't let it happen again.
No.
No, I-I won't.
He ain't got a brain in his head, that one.
Call.
Did you make a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle? That fella's laughing at me.
No, he's laughing at me, Cooter, not you.
That's right, isn't it, Pate? That's right, fella.
Oh.
Now just forget it.
Yes, sir.
That's $30 to you.
Two cards to me.
Whenever you're ready to play.
One card.
And three to the dealer.
Your third card came off the bottom, mister.
I saw it that time.
Now just count out the $320 I sat in with.
I'm leaving, and I'm taking it with me.
You're making a mistake.
Count it out.
Make me.
Somebody get Doc.
The boy is dead, Miss Kitty.
Well, it's too bad, but he shouldn't have gone for his gun.
It was him or me.
All of you saw him draw first.
Everybody saw it.
You didn't have any choice.
Now, you people remember how it happened.
The marshal will want to know.
He'll be back tomorrow.
I'll tell him.
You can be sure I'll tell him just how it happened.
Howdy, Mr.
Dillon.
Welcome back.
Hello, Chester.
I'll put your horse up for you just as soon as I finish shavin'.
Thanks.
How's things up at Salina? Oh, peaceful.
How things been in Dodge? Oh, some cowboy got killed in the Long Branch last night.
Outside that, it's been pretty dull.
Who killed him? Man named Pate.
Self-defense, they told me.
I just was goin' over there now to find out about it.
Where were you last night? Where? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr.
Dillon, I was out with a lady friend.
Well, I hope you had a good time.
Oh, I did.
I had a fine time.
Well, I'm going on down to the Long Branch.
You go ahead and put my horse up, huh? Yes, sir.
I'll see you later, Mr.
Dillon.
Hey, Cooter.
What's the rush? Hello, Chester.
Well, hey, now, wait a minute.
What-? Where-? Where you takin' this grub? It's for Mr.
Sissle.
I work for him now.
He's my new friend.
Well, that's fine, Cooter.
What do you do for this Mr.
Sissle? Cook? No, I don't cook.
I- I carry.
Happy as a jaybird and don't know what time of day it is.
Come on, boy.
Thanks, Sam.
Well, the cowboy did draw first, Matt, but, uh, I wouldn't call it self-defense, in spite of what everybody says.
Why not, Kitty? Wasn't after Pate.
He was after Ben Sissle.
He wasn't even looking at Pate.
He was looking at Sissle, and when he started to draw, Pate killed him.
How long's this Sissle been in town? He got here the day you left for Salina.
Mm.
And this Pate is always hanging around when Sissle's dealing? Always.
Here, Mr.
Sissle.
Here is is.
Well, thank you, Cooter.
You're doing just fine.
Oh, uh Here, go get yourself something to eat.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I will.
Hello, Cooter.
Hello.
Hello, marshal.
I, uh, let him hang around, run errands for me.
Seems to make him happier.
You're Marshal Dillon.
I thought you were out of town.
I was.
And you're, uh, Ben Sissle.
Well, that's right.
You've heard of me? Where you from, Sissle? Well, I've been all over, marshal.
You know how gamblers are.
Yeah, I know.
How long's Pate been working for you? Working for me? What are you trying to say, marshal? Well, I'll make it simple.
The way you operate's already led to one killing here.
And I'm not having any more.
Well, I didn't kill anybody, marshal.
Plenty of witnesses to that.
I don't ever carry a gun.
No matter what you think- I think you're a gambler using a hired gunman to protect you when you're caught cheating.
Well, I don't know how you could prove that, even if it were true.
Well, I can't prove it.
But I can do something about it.
Where's this Pate? Well, I don't know.
Why should I? Where is he? I told you, I didn't know.
I do.
He staying at the Dodge House, room number seven.
All right, Sissle.
Let's go talk to him.
Let's go.
You knock on his door.
Tell him I want to talk to him.
This is wrong, marshal.
Maybe.
All right.
Go ahead and knock.
Who's that? Ben Sissle.
Who's this, Ben? This is Marshal Dillon, Pate.
What are you doing here, marshal? I would come inside and tell you.
If you come here over that cowboy last night, it ain't no use.
Everybody saw it knows I killed him in self-defense.
Plenty of witnesses to that.
He can't do a thing to you, Pate.
Ah, you're right about that, Sissle.
I can't jail Pate because I can't prove that that boy drew on you and not on him.
Fact, you've got it worked out so good I can't even prove you were cheating.
Course you can't, marshal.
Because I wasn't cheating him.
And I'm not gonna argue with you.
But I am gonna show you why you won't cause any more trouble around Dodge.
Go ahead.
Show me.
You know, you're pretty smart, Sissle.
But you're a coward.
That's why you had to hire a gun to back up your crooked deals.
You're talking, marshal.
You gonna arrest us on the grounds of your talk? Maybe.
You can't.
You don't have any proof.
That might be just as well for you, marshal.
Because if you don't keep out of my affairs, Pate will kill you.
He will? All right, Pate.
Get out of Dodge.
I ain't done nothing, marshal.
Kill him, Pate.
He's not even gonna try.
I'm not some half-drunk cowboy, am I, Pate? I got no quarrel with you.
What kind of a gunman are you? You afraid of him?! I said, I got no quarrel with him.
I didn't pay you to crawl out of town on your belly.
I know you didn't, Mr.
Sissle.
But you didn't pay me enough to stay.
I don't think you'll find any gunman to hire out to you now.
You might as well learn how to deal straight.
Why don't you just run me out of town? 'Cause I want you to stay.
Why, marshal? 'Cause the next time you make a mistake, I'm gonna arrest you.
And then I'm gonna see you hang.
Oh, sure, Matt.
Man like Sissle, not gonna change.
He's trouble.
He always will be one.
Yeah, I know, Doc.
He's also a coward.
But I hear he deals off the top now.
Well, stopping him that way isn't gonna get the kind of evidence to hang him.
That's what you want.
Yeah, I know that.
Mr.
Dillon? Chester.
What are you grinning about, Chester? Who do you think would be the last man in Dodge you'd ever expect to start packin' a gun? Me.
No.
Who, Chester? Cooter Smith.
Cooter Smith? What's he doing with a gun? Well, right now he's struttin' around out in the alley, nervous as a bride.
He oughtn't to be allowed to look at a gun, much less wear one, Matt.
Yeah.
You better bring him over, Chester.
I ought to talk to him.
Yes, sir.
I wonder what made Cooter Smith put on a gun.
Oh, I don't know, Doc.
He's pretty harmless.
Yeah, I don't know.
Man like that can be harmless one day and dangerous the next.
Yeah, what is the matter with him, anyway? I don't know.
He, uh- I examined him once.
Looked to me like he'd been shot in the head sometime or other.
He couldn't say or wouldn't say.
He just didn't seem to remember, I guess.
Trouble is, he knows something's wrong with him.
He knows he's different from other people.
But he just doesn't know what to do about it.
That's it.
I'm here, marshal.
Oh, hello, Cooter.
I come here like Chester said.
Well, thank you, Cooter.
I, uh I wanted to talk to you.
You never told me to come to you before.
Well, you never wore a gun before.
Oh.
Uh That's for my job, marshal.
What kind of a job? Hm.
I don't rightly know.
Tell me something that you do know then, Cooter.
Who hired you? Well, the fella that gave me this gun, he hired me for an awful lot of money.
I've been working for him for a long time, I guess.
You mean Ben Sissle? The fella that you carry the lunches for? That's the one.
Mr.
Sissle.
Uh, Chester knows.
Everybody knows I work for Mr.
Sissle, and, uh, he told me to wear the gun.
Did he tell you what for? Tonight.
What about tonight? That's when he's gonna tell me.
Gonna tell me everything I gotta do.
I-I'll do it too.
Quick, like he says.
I like to have a job.
Nobody here ever gave me a job before.
Well, Cooter, I'm glad you got a job.
But you be careful now.
Don't you let Mr.
Sissle talk you into any kind of trouble.
No, he won't do that.
He don't try and make a fool of me, like some do.
I-I don't like that.
He better not do that.
I'll tell him not to do that.
Cooter.
You know how to shoot that gun? I can learn.
Well, I think I'll go talk to Mr.
Sissle now.
All right, Cooter.
You better take that gun away from him, Matt.
He's liable to kill somebody.
He's sure enough crazy, Mr.
Dillon.
Well, I think Sissle's crazier than Cooter, giving him that gun.
Well, I think I'll wait till tonight.
May give Mr.
Sissle the chance to finish making his rope.
What rope, Mr.
Dillon? Oh, Chester.
For the one I hope Mr.
Sissle's gonna hang himself with, Chester.
Evening, Kitty.
What are you doing around here so early? Well, you might say I'm here professionally.
Same thing, Sam.
How about you, Kitty? A drink? No, thanks, Doc.
I got one.
Oh.
There's nobody sick or shot up round here that I know about.
Might be just a question of time.
Trouble? Well, all I know is- Could be this is the start of it right now.
Give me a rye whiskey, Sam.
Right, marshal.
Evening, marshal.
Cooter tells me you had a talk this morning.
That's right.
Looks like you're gonna get a chance to talk to him some more.
Fine.
Well, now, I don't think it'll be so fine, marshal.
He says he's going to kill you.
Now, that doesn't sound like Cooter.
Oh, he's not so easygoing as you think.
How do you figure? Well, once he tied that gun on, it changed his whole character.
Made him mean.
You'd be surprised how mean, marshal.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh maybe he can tell me why he's saying he's gonna kill me.
'Cause he thinks you're gonna put him in jail and take his gun away.
Was that his idea? Or was that something you put in his head? Well, you better talk to him, marshal.
Calm him down.
I wouldn't want to see him hurt.
Then why did you give him the gun? Well, he asked me to.
Said he wanted to carry one like everybody else.
Well, I didn't think it would do any harm.
Then when I asked him to give it back to me, he- He wouldn't hear of it.
I see.
I don't want any more trouble, marshal.
You know that.
You lookin' for me, Cooter? Cooter.
Come here.
Cooter, I've been telling the marshal what you said.
Remember? We talked about it this afternoon? About the gun, Cooter? I remember.
I'm gonna kill you, marshal.
I'm gonna draw on you, and I'm gonna kill you.
Now, Cooter, you know better than that.
No, it's true, marshal.
I'm gonna kill you.
Well, Cooter What has Mr.
Sissle here been sayin' to you? Well, I'm goin' to.
Now you look out.
Cooter, you wouldn't stand a chance.
You were too slow.
You didn't even get your gun out.
That was good, marshal.
I did right, didn't I, Mr.
Sissle? For the joke I did, like you said.
I said "I'm gonna kill you, marshal.
" And then I went for my gun, and he did too.
I did it all like you said, didn't I, Mr.
Sissle? Yes, Cooter.
You did just fine.
It- It was a joke, wasn't it? What's wrong? Well, Cooter, Mr.
Sissle wanted you to draw on me so I'd kill you.
And that I'd make such a fool of myself I'd have to leave Dodge.
Well, did I s-spoil the joke? Well, he wanted me to kill you, Cooter.
I'm afraid the joke's on- On us.
On you and me.
Did you want the marshal to kill me? Is that what you wanted, Mr.
Sissle? Well- Please tell me.
Did you? You didn't try to make a fool of me, did you? Did you? Well, I hope you're proud of what you done, Sissle.
Now, you let me tell you something.
I'm gonna see that this story goes after you.
I want everybody to know what a cheap, rotten, tinhorn you are.
Now you get out of here, while you still can.
Get out, Sissle.
Before we ride you out on the rails.
You gonna take your hired gunman with you? Did you try to make a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle?! That's enough, Cooter! You made a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle! Let go of me! I didn't forget to draw.
You didn't tell me to.
Didn't you? But I can draw, Mr.
Sissle.
Look! I got you, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter! Put the gun down, Cooter.
You're not gonna make a fool of me again, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter, if you shoot him, you'll go to jail.
They'll hang you for it.
That don't make no difference.
They won't laugh.
Nobody will.
I'm not gonna miss, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter.
Unless you put that gun down, I'm gonna have to shoot you.
And then you'll never get to kill him.
He'll laugh at you.
We'll all laugh at you, Cooter.
Now you stay back! Uh, you better keep your gun, Mr.
Sissle.
You see, I'm not gonna work for you anymore.
Ain't you gonna go after him, Mr.
Dillon? No, he won't go far, Chester.
I'll pick him up pretty soon.
I think we done enough to Cooter for one day.
Well, it wasn't your fault, Mr.
Dillon.
No.
No, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
There are a lot of ways a man can die.
And maybe violence is the easiest.
Fever in the brain is worse, or disease that fades into skin and bone.
And sometimes you see another thing.
A man who's never lived at all, except to eat and sleep.
A man whose mind is like a child.
Who needs protection, even from himself.
That's another job for me, Matt Dillon, U.
S.
marshal.
Try him again, Sam.
Right, Miss Kitty.
Well, Cooter, did you remember what he wanted? Yes, sir.
Uh, rye.
Rye he gets.
I do, I remember.
Open for 10.
Call.
Forty to you, Kid.
Your 40.
And I've got left$30.
And that cleans me.
I'm aiming for the pot.
It's too bad you didn't start this game with a man's bankroll so I could have had the pleasure of your company a little longer.
I've already dropped over $300 here, mister.
And I notice that ain't been small enough to keep you from pickin' it up.
Oh, no offense, Kid.
Cooter, bring the drink to the table.
He's been over an hour getting that one drink.
Cooter, when I send you for a drink, bring it back to me quickly.
I forgot, Mr.
Sissle.
Well, it's all right this time, but don't let it happen again.
No.
No, I-I won't.
He ain't got a brain in his head, that one.
Call.
Did you make a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle? That fella's laughing at me.
No, he's laughing at me, Cooter, not you.
That's right, isn't it, Pate? That's right, fella.
Oh.
Now just forget it.
Yes, sir.
That's $30 to you.
Two cards to me.
Whenever you're ready to play.
One card.
And three to the dealer.
Your third card came off the bottom, mister.
I saw it that time.
Now just count out the $320 I sat in with.
I'm leaving, and I'm taking it with me.
You're making a mistake.
Count it out.
Make me.
Somebody get Doc.
The boy is dead, Miss Kitty.
Well, it's too bad, but he shouldn't have gone for his gun.
It was him or me.
All of you saw him draw first.
Everybody saw it.
You didn't have any choice.
Now, you people remember how it happened.
The marshal will want to know.
He'll be back tomorrow.
I'll tell him.
You can be sure I'll tell him just how it happened.
Howdy, Mr.
Dillon.
Welcome back.
Hello, Chester.
I'll put your horse up for you just as soon as I finish shavin'.
Thanks.
How's things up at Salina? Oh, peaceful.
How things been in Dodge? Oh, some cowboy got killed in the Long Branch last night.
Outside that, it's been pretty dull.
Who killed him? Man named Pate.
Self-defense, they told me.
I just was goin' over there now to find out about it.
Where were you last night? Where? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr.
Dillon, I was out with a lady friend.
Well, I hope you had a good time.
Oh, I did.
I had a fine time.
Well, I'm going on down to the Long Branch.
You go ahead and put my horse up, huh? Yes, sir.
I'll see you later, Mr.
Dillon.
Hey, Cooter.
What's the rush? Hello, Chester.
Well, hey, now, wait a minute.
What-? Where-? Where you takin' this grub? It's for Mr.
Sissle.
I work for him now.
He's my new friend.
Well, that's fine, Cooter.
What do you do for this Mr.
Sissle? Cook? No, I don't cook.
I- I carry.
Happy as a jaybird and don't know what time of day it is.
Come on, boy.
Thanks, Sam.
Well, the cowboy did draw first, Matt, but, uh, I wouldn't call it self-defense, in spite of what everybody says.
Why not, Kitty? Wasn't after Pate.
He was after Ben Sissle.
He wasn't even looking at Pate.
He was looking at Sissle, and when he started to draw, Pate killed him.
How long's this Sissle been in town? He got here the day you left for Salina.
Mm.
And this Pate is always hanging around when Sissle's dealing? Always.
Here, Mr.
Sissle.
Here is is.
Well, thank you, Cooter.
You're doing just fine.
Oh, uh Here, go get yourself something to eat.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I will.
Hello, Cooter.
Hello.
Hello, marshal.
I, uh, let him hang around, run errands for me.
Seems to make him happier.
You're Marshal Dillon.
I thought you were out of town.
I was.
And you're, uh, Ben Sissle.
Well, that's right.
You've heard of me? Where you from, Sissle? Well, I've been all over, marshal.
You know how gamblers are.
Yeah, I know.
How long's Pate been working for you? Working for me? What are you trying to say, marshal? Well, I'll make it simple.
The way you operate's already led to one killing here.
And I'm not having any more.
Well, I didn't kill anybody, marshal.
Plenty of witnesses to that.
I don't ever carry a gun.
No matter what you think- I think you're a gambler using a hired gunman to protect you when you're caught cheating.
Well, I don't know how you could prove that, even if it were true.
Well, I can't prove it.
But I can do something about it.
Where's this Pate? Well, I don't know.
Why should I? Where is he? I told you, I didn't know.
I do.
He staying at the Dodge House, room number seven.
All right, Sissle.
Let's go talk to him.
Let's go.
You knock on his door.
Tell him I want to talk to him.
This is wrong, marshal.
Maybe.
All right.
Go ahead and knock.
Who's that? Ben Sissle.
Who's this, Ben? This is Marshal Dillon, Pate.
What are you doing here, marshal? I would come inside and tell you.
If you come here over that cowboy last night, it ain't no use.
Everybody saw it knows I killed him in self-defense.
Plenty of witnesses to that.
He can't do a thing to you, Pate.
Ah, you're right about that, Sissle.
I can't jail Pate because I can't prove that that boy drew on you and not on him.
Fact, you've got it worked out so good I can't even prove you were cheating.
Course you can't, marshal.
Because I wasn't cheating him.
And I'm not gonna argue with you.
But I am gonna show you why you won't cause any more trouble around Dodge.
Go ahead.
Show me.
You know, you're pretty smart, Sissle.
But you're a coward.
That's why you had to hire a gun to back up your crooked deals.
You're talking, marshal.
You gonna arrest us on the grounds of your talk? Maybe.
You can't.
You don't have any proof.
That might be just as well for you, marshal.
Because if you don't keep out of my affairs, Pate will kill you.
He will? All right, Pate.
Get out of Dodge.
I ain't done nothing, marshal.
Kill him, Pate.
He's not even gonna try.
I'm not some half-drunk cowboy, am I, Pate? I got no quarrel with you.
What kind of a gunman are you? You afraid of him?! I said, I got no quarrel with him.
I didn't pay you to crawl out of town on your belly.
I know you didn't, Mr.
Sissle.
But you didn't pay me enough to stay.
I don't think you'll find any gunman to hire out to you now.
You might as well learn how to deal straight.
Why don't you just run me out of town? 'Cause I want you to stay.
Why, marshal? 'Cause the next time you make a mistake, I'm gonna arrest you.
And then I'm gonna see you hang.
Oh, sure, Matt.
Man like Sissle, not gonna change.
He's trouble.
He always will be one.
Yeah, I know, Doc.
He's also a coward.
But I hear he deals off the top now.
Well, stopping him that way isn't gonna get the kind of evidence to hang him.
That's what you want.
Yeah, I know that.
Mr.
Dillon? Chester.
What are you grinning about, Chester? Who do you think would be the last man in Dodge you'd ever expect to start packin' a gun? Me.
No.
Who, Chester? Cooter Smith.
Cooter Smith? What's he doing with a gun? Well, right now he's struttin' around out in the alley, nervous as a bride.
He oughtn't to be allowed to look at a gun, much less wear one, Matt.
Yeah.
You better bring him over, Chester.
I ought to talk to him.
Yes, sir.
I wonder what made Cooter Smith put on a gun.
Oh, I don't know, Doc.
He's pretty harmless.
Yeah, I don't know.
Man like that can be harmless one day and dangerous the next.
Yeah, what is the matter with him, anyway? I don't know.
He, uh- I examined him once.
Looked to me like he'd been shot in the head sometime or other.
He couldn't say or wouldn't say.
He just didn't seem to remember, I guess.
Trouble is, he knows something's wrong with him.
He knows he's different from other people.
But he just doesn't know what to do about it.
That's it.
I'm here, marshal.
Oh, hello, Cooter.
I come here like Chester said.
Well, thank you, Cooter.
I, uh I wanted to talk to you.
You never told me to come to you before.
Well, you never wore a gun before.
Oh.
Uh That's for my job, marshal.
What kind of a job? Hm.
I don't rightly know.
Tell me something that you do know then, Cooter.
Who hired you? Well, the fella that gave me this gun, he hired me for an awful lot of money.
I've been working for him for a long time, I guess.
You mean Ben Sissle? The fella that you carry the lunches for? That's the one.
Mr.
Sissle.
Uh, Chester knows.
Everybody knows I work for Mr.
Sissle, and, uh, he told me to wear the gun.
Did he tell you what for? Tonight.
What about tonight? That's when he's gonna tell me.
Gonna tell me everything I gotta do.
I-I'll do it too.
Quick, like he says.
I like to have a job.
Nobody here ever gave me a job before.
Well, Cooter, I'm glad you got a job.
But you be careful now.
Don't you let Mr.
Sissle talk you into any kind of trouble.
No, he won't do that.
He don't try and make a fool of me, like some do.
I-I don't like that.
He better not do that.
I'll tell him not to do that.
Cooter.
You know how to shoot that gun? I can learn.
Well, I think I'll go talk to Mr.
Sissle now.
All right, Cooter.
You better take that gun away from him, Matt.
He's liable to kill somebody.
He's sure enough crazy, Mr.
Dillon.
Well, I think Sissle's crazier than Cooter, giving him that gun.
Well, I think I'll wait till tonight.
May give Mr.
Sissle the chance to finish making his rope.
What rope, Mr.
Dillon? Oh, Chester.
For the one I hope Mr.
Sissle's gonna hang himself with, Chester.
Evening, Kitty.
What are you doing around here so early? Well, you might say I'm here professionally.
Same thing, Sam.
How about you, Kitty? A drink? No, thanks, Doc.
I got one.
Oh.
There's nobody sick or shot up round here that I know about.
Might be just a question of time.
Trouble? Well, all I know is- Could be this is the start of it right now.
Give me a rye whiskey, Sam.
Right, marshal.
Evening, marshal.
Cooter tells me you had a talk this morning.
That's right.
Looks like you're gonna get a chance to talk to him some more.
Fine.
Well, now, I don't think it'll be so fine, marshal.
He says he's going to kill you.
Now, that doesn't sound like Cooter.
Oh, he's not so easygoing as you think.
How do you figure? Well, once he tied that gun on, it changed his whole character.
Made him mean.
You'd be surprised how mean, marshal.
Mm-hmm.
And, uh maybe he can tell me why he's saying he's gonna kill me.
'Cause he thinks you're gonna put him in jail and take his gun away.
Was that his idea? Or was that something you put in his head? Well, you better talk to him, marshal.
Calm him down.
I wouldn't want to see him hurt.
Then why did you give him the gun? Well, he asked me to.
Said he wanted to carry one like everybody else.
Well, I didn't think it would do any harm.
Then when I asked him to give it back to me, he- He wouldn't hear of it.
I see.
I don't want any more trouble, marshal.
You know that.
You lookin' for me, Cooter? Cooter.
Come here.
Cooter, I've been telling the marshal what you said.
Remember? We talked about it this afternoon? About the gun, Cooter? I remember.
I'm gonna kill you, marshal.
I'm gonna draw on you, and I'm gonna kill you.
Now, Cooter, you know better than that.
No, it's true, marshal.
I'm gonna kill you.
Well, Cooter What has Mr.
Sissle here been sayin' to you? Well, I'm goin' to.
Now you look out.
Cooter, you wouldn't stand a chance.
You were too slow.
You didn't even get your gun out.
That was good, marshal.
I did right, didn't I, Mr.
Sissle? For the joke I did, like you said.
I said "I'm gonna kill you, marshal.
" And then I went for my gun, and he did too.
I did it all like you said, didn't I, Mr.
Sissle? Yes, Cooter.
You did just fine.
It- It was a joke, wasn't it? What's wrong? Well, Cooter, Mr.
Sissle wanted you to draw on me so I'd kill you.
And that I'd make such a fool of myself I'd have to leave Dodge.
Well, did I s-spoil the joke? Well, he wanted me to kill you, Cooter.
I'm afraid the joke's on- On us.
On you and me.
Did you want the marshal to kill me? Is that what you wanted, Mr.
Sissle? Well- Please tell me.
Did you? You didn't try to make a fool of me, did you? Did you? Well, I hope you're proud of what you done, Sissle.
Now, you let me tell you something.
I'm gonna see that this story goes after you.
I want everybody to know what a cheap, rotten, tinhorn you are.
Now you get out of here, while you still can.
Get out, Sissle.
Before we ride you out on the rails.
You gonna take your hired gunman with you? Did you try to make a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle?! That's enough, Cooter! You made a fool of me, Mr.
Sissle! Let go of me! I didn't forget to draw.
You didn't tell me to.
Didn't you? But I can draw, Mr.
Sissle.
Look! I got you, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter! Put the gun down, Cooter.
You're not gonna make a fool of me again, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter, if you shoot him, you'll go to jail.
They'll hang you for it.
That don't make no difference.
They won't laugh.
Nobody will.
I'm not gonna miss, Mr.
Sissle.
Cooter.
Unless you put that gun down, I'm gonna have to shoot you.
And then you'll never get to kill him.
He'll laugh at you.
We'll all laugh at you, Cooter.
Now you stay back! Uh, you better keep your gun, Mr.
Sissle.
You see, I'm not gonna work for you anymore.
Ain't you gonna go after him, Mr.
Dillon? No, he won't go far, Chester.
I'll pick him up pretty soon.
I think we done enough to Cooter for one day.
Well, it wasn't your fault, Mr.
Dillon.
No.
No, but that doesn't make me feel any better.