Gunsmoke (1955) s03e17 Episode Script

Joe Phy

starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.
Hello, Kitty.
Hello, Matt.
You out spending your money? Well, easy come, easy go.
I'll give you a hand with those.
Oh, thank you.
Marshal Matt! Matt Matt, are you hurt bad? No, I'm all right, Kitty.
I'll go get Doc.
Oh Doc! He's been hit.
He hit him.
Who? Who? I don't know.
I never saw him before.
I've seen him.
Where? Who'd you see? On a wanted circular- his name's Carey Post.
Where's he from, Matt? He's from up around Elkader.
Well, come on.
It's not too bad.
Let's get up to the office, though.
I got to dig it out.
I've been meaning to get up to Elkader.
I'm sure going now.
Well, you're not going today.
A couple of weeks maybe.
Come on, let's get up there.
Kitty, I Oh, Matt I'm sorry about your packages.
Just get on up to Doc's office before you bleed to death.
Go on.
All right.
I'll see you later.
What if they don't sell beer in there, Mr.
Dillon? You know, there's some places that don't.
Well, in that case, we'll just have to drink soda water, I guess.
Soda water? You mean after pounding across the prairie there for nigh on to a week? Let's go see.
How's your shoulder? Oh, it's all right.
A little stiff.
What'll it be, gentlemen? You got beer? Sure.
Make it a couple then.
Right.
Grimes my name.
Cicero Grimes.
But I ain't askin' yours.
Just want to welcome you to Elkader, gentlemen.
And I If you'd like to buy me a little glass of beer, I'll answer any question you like.
You know, providing I'll talk to you if you're honest.
'Cause I don't like to talk to no crooks.
All right, Grimes.
Make that three beers, will ya? Just call me Cicero.
Elkader, pretty lively town, Cicero? I mean, you know, later in the day? Well, it was, and it ain't.
Oh What? Well, it was lively, and it ain't no more.
Why is that? Joe, Joe Phy, he done it.
Since he been here, ain't' been a good gunfight in town.
Who's Joe Phy? Who's Joe Phy?! Three beers.
Yeah, tell me about this Phy.
Oh, he don't bother me none.
It's them wild ones like Carey Post and all.
Did you say Carey Post? Yeah, he's holed up someplace out there in the country.
Come riding into town a couple weeks ago and Joe Phy run him right on out of town.
Him and some of them other gunmen.
What'd he do that for? 'Cause like I said, they was gunmen, and troublemakers, and Joe Phy, he don't stand for that.
Let's sit down, shall we? Take a table? I'm kind of saddle weary.
Oh, this Yeah, that's some better there.
Yeah.
Tell me, this Joe Phy must be quite a gunman, huh? None better.
That so? Mm.
Been here over a month and nobody's faced him yet.
Well, if nobody's faced him, how do you know he's such a gunman and all? Oh, you can tell.
What's his game? Why does he want to run Elkader? It's his job.
His job? Yeah, he's a United States marshal.
He's a what? Yeah, a U.
S.
Marshal.
What's wrong with that? Oh, land's sakes, everybody knows there's just one marshal to the territory.
Yeah, yeah, and that must be this Joe Phy.
But you don't have to worry- he's not going to be after you.
That's right, he won't bother you none.
But you look like a gunman to me.
No offense meant.
Don't make no difference to me one way or the other, but Joe Phy's going to run you right out of town the minute he lays eyes on you.
Maybe we better go stable our horses and get something to eat, huh? I'm kind of hungry.
That restaurant across the street any good? No, it's terrible, but it's the only one we got.
Well, I guess we'll have to eat there then.
Well, thanks for the beer, gentlemen.
Sure.
Well let's sit down and rest our dinner, huh? That was some dinner.
Hog back and pinto beans- a week old.
At least the coffee was fresh anyway.
Well, no restaurant can serve everything bad, Mr.
Dillon.
Lookee there, would ya? Hmm? That must be Joe Phy.
Yeah.
Remember what I told you now.
Oh, don't worry, I ain't gonna say a thing.
I haven't seen you men in Elkader before.
Haven't been here before.
You staying long? Hadn't really thought about it.
You know who I am? It's, uh, Marshal Phy, isn't it? You've heard about me then.
Yeah.
Well, good, that'll save us some time.
I don't like gunmen in Elkader.
You sure move in fast, Marshal.
Perhaps.
But you men make trouble here, and I'll kill either or both of you.
Like that.
Guess you've killed a lot of men, huh? Every one that's ever crossed me.
How many is that? I don't keep count.
Uh-huh.
Wha-hoo! Yee-hoo! Yee-hoo! You see that? My gosh, if the marshal sees you, you're going to be in the hoosegow in two minutes.
Might even shoot you till you're dead just for something like that.
I don't stand for that around here.
You're going to stop him, huh? If I have to kill him.
There ain't no need for that, Mr.
Dillon.
He's just looking for a little pleasure.
that around here.
Tell him, tell him, boys, or he's gonna get in trouble.
Now come on in That man didn't know.
He hadn't been in town since I took over.
Well, he's mild as milk all right.
Well, he should thank his friends for telling him what would happen.
They saved his life.
You sure keep a tight town here, Marshal.
No one's dared fight me yet.
Yeah.
See that you remember.
Of all the mean, blowed-up, hogheaded men that I ever seen, he sure takes the cake.
He's got them all buffaloed, Chester.
Yeah, he sure has got Buffaloed? You What do you mean? You mean that he ain't no gunfighter at all? Nope.
You see the way he handled that cowboy? Yeah? Let those other men do his fighting for him.
It's like that Cicero said- I bet he's never even pulled a gun.
He lets his reputation fight for him.
Oh, well Well, what is he then? I don't know.
But I got to get rid of him, because Post won't come back into town as long as he's here.
I can't let him find out who I am either.
Come on.
Where we going? Well I'll tell you what.
I'm going over to the general store.
You go down to the saloon and pick up Cicero.
I'll meet you over at the stable.
All right.
About a half hour.
All right.
Okay.
Three dollars They sure gave me a three dollar gun.
Where's the ammunition for it? I didn't get any.
If that thing ever went off, it's liable to blow up.
Say, Marshal Dillon Look, Cicero, you're not going to call me Marshal Dillon, remember? That's going to give me away.
Yeah, I forgot.
But I've been thinking about that Joe Phy.
Supposing he's a better gunman than you got him figured for? Chester and I are going to be right there with you.
Yeah, but something could go wrong, and I could get shot.
Cicero, you don't have to do it.
I know.
Oh, I'll do it, all right.
I think it's a man's duty to help the law when he can.
You know, Cicero, you're going to be quite a hero when this thing's over.
Oh, yeah, everybody's going to be buying you drinks from here on out, Cicero.
You're going to be famous, like George Washington or one of them fellas.
Hey, that would be something, wouldn't it? You betcha.
Mr.
Dillon, how come that you picked me for this kind of job? After all, I'm sort of a worthless fella.
No, you're not, Cicero.
I ain't? Right now you're the most important man in Elkader.
I am? You're the man that's going to show up Joe Phy.
I hope nothing bad happens.
Well, of course something could always go wrong in a deal like this.
I wouldn't try to fool you about that.
Hey, that's what I like about you, Dillon- you never try to hide nothing from me.
You all set? Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Good.
Here, I tell you, I better hold on to this.
Chester will be by for you in about an hour.
I'll be there.
Oh, Cicero Here.
Buy yourself a couple of beers.
Oh, thanks.
I can sure use it, believe me.
It's kind of scary for me to do something like this, you know.
I'll be waiting.
Good.
Here, Chester, you Huh? Oh.
better keep that.
What's that for? Well, you never know when you might need it.
I didn't know that I was gonna be a hero, too.
Everybody's going to be a hero around here.
Everybody except Joe Phy.
You all set, Cicero? Yeah, I guess so.
Come on, let's get this gun on you.
Boy, this town's sure going to be surprised when they see me.
Yeah, especially that Joe Phy.
Yeah.
I just hope Mr.
Dillon here's right about him.
Otherwise, tonight I could be sleeping six feet under.
Cicero, I'm going to be watching him just as close as I can.
Well, you better be.
That looks about right, Cicero.
You know what you're going to do now? Yeah, I got it all.
I think I have.
Well, don't think about it too hard.
Just let it come to you.
You'll do all right once you get out there.
I hope so.
Come on.
Now don't worry, Cicero, because we're going to have you covered from here the whole time.
Now remember, when you get out in the middle of the street, Chester's going to fire a couple of shots and then you start hollering, okay? All right, good luck to you.
I sure wish I had had a couple of more beers.
Yippee! Phy! Joe Phy! Marshal, come on out and play! Where are you, Joe?! Come on out here! Come on out of your hole! Yippee! What's the matter with you, Cicero? What are you doing with that gun? This gun's for shooting.
Take it off.
Guess you didn't hear me very good.
I said this gun's for shooting.
And I said take it off before I kill you.
Go ahead and kill me if you think you can.
You must be drunk.
Be better for you if I was drunk, but I ain't.
'Cause I do my best gunfighting when I'm cold sober.
Cicero, have you gone crazy? I'll tell you something, Joe Phy.
I hang around in that saloon so's I can forget all the men I killed.
And sometimes I can't.
Then I just got to put my gun on and go looking for somebody else to kill.
He ain't making much sense, is he? Doesn't matter.
You're lying, Cicero Grimes.
You're drunk and you're lying.
Oh, am I? Get your hand away from that gun.
Gotta pull it out of the holster before I can shoot you.
Now I've had enough of this.
Cicero, you get your hands up before I kill you.
I ain't gonna do nothing you say.
You can't hurt me.
You can't hurt me at all.
There ain't no man in the world can beat me and you know it.
I don't know it.
I ain't never seen you shoot.
Nobody has.
He's talking crazy.
Now for the last time, Cicero, you get your hands off that gun.
Not hardly.
Do what I tell you.
Aw, Phy, watch me.
I'm about to draw.
Watch me, everybody.
No, wait.
Wait, Cicero.
Cicero, listen to me.
I'll make it easy on you, Phy.
I'll shoot you in the head so's you don't suffer too much.
Maybe right in the nose.
No, wait.
Cicero, get your hand away from that gun.
I'm gonna kill you, Phy.
I'm gonna do it now.
No, don't kill me.
Don't don't shoot.
Don't shoot me, Cicero.
I I won't draw on you.
I-I was only fooling.
Yeah, you was only fooling.
Put put the gun down, Cicero.
Please, put it down.
You're all through, fooling, Joe Phy.
Get your hands up! Give me that gun.
Come on, everybody! I've tamed your lion! Don't move! Stand right there! See? And lookit, fellas.
The gun wasn't even loaded! Why don't you find a horse and ride on out of town, Marshal? Calls himself a U.
S.
Marshal and he was lying all the time.
Get him in there! Come on! Get in there! Go on! You did all right, Cicero.
He done it, Mr.
Dillon.
Yeah.
You know, I I kinda feel sorry for that Phy, though.
Oh, Cicero! Looks like he's a hero already.
I'm gonna talk to Joe Phy, Chester.
I'll see you later.
Like to talk to you a minute, Phy.
Can't can't you leave me alone? I'm not gonna hurt you.
You're not? But you're a gunman and I talked rough to you this afternoon.
Just want to ask you a couple of questions.
Couple questions? Why didn't you draw on him out there? What? I said why didn't you draw on that man out there? Oh Well, I don't know.
I just I just couldn't.
How about this marshal business? I'm not a marshal.
I bought this badge.
Whose idea was that? It was mine.
Nobody put me up to it.
I just always wanted to be a lawman.
I guess I should have known something would happen.
You mean to say you came here and pretended to be a marshal and a gunfighter just as kind of a game or something? Yeah, I did that.
Kinda like a kid, huh? Hmm? Yeah.
Yeah, like a kid.
I guess you're right.
Only nobody ever got hurt when I was marshal.
Didn't you ever stop to think that you might get killed? No, I never thought of that.
I'm-I'm not a a crook, mister.
I I never did anything bad.
Where you from, Phy? Um, um I'm from New York State.
I ran away from there when I was 15.
I've been farming back in Ohio.
I studied about real gunfighters; how they talk and they acted.
Well, it was pretty easy to fool people in a little town like Elkader.
I see.
Well, I I'd, uh, I'd like to go now, mister.
I want to I want to get out of this town.
Sure.
No offense, mister, but but I hope I never have to face any of you people again.
Phy Hmm? Just one thing.
What's what's that? You go in wearing a gun, somebody's gonna kill you.
Yeah.
I guess you're right.
You know, I never wore a gun in my life till I came to Elkader.
Always wanted to, but guess I never dared.
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
So long.
So long, Phy.
Have another drink, Cicero.
This one's on the house.
Hurray for Cicero! He showed him! He showed you, all of you, getting taken in by a fake like Joe Phy.
By golly, you're right.
We plumb got taken in.
Cicero, give me that gun.
Oh, no.
What for? Come on, Cicero, give me the gun.
I'm gonna put it up there where the whole town can see it just to remind them how they all got took in.
That's a good idea! Shoot that in here again and I'll crack your head open.
I tell you, Mr.
Dillon, they gone just plumb crazy.
Ain't you gonna stop them? Well, how can I stop them, Chester? If I let them know who I am, why, this Post will never come into town.
You calling me a liar?! Nobody calls me a liar! Forever more, Mr.
Dillon, you gotta do something.
Nothing we can do, Chester.
Come on, let's go.
I'm sure getting sick and tired of this town.
So am I, Chester.
Been here most of the week now.
Dangdest most lawless town that I ever run into.
Uh-oh.
What? Carey Post, Chester.
He just rode into town.
Come on.
Post.
What are you doing here? Did you think I was dead? I was drunk.
I took a shot at the law, that's all.
There was nothing personal in it.
Yeah? Now, look, Marshal, you weren't hurt bad.
You're wanted for murder, Post.
Uh-huh.
So they put out a circular on me, did they? Yeah.
Guess they forgot to send you one.
I didn't kill nobody, Marshal.
They got me all wrong.
Then you got nothing to worry about, have you? You don't believe me.
You're going back to Dodge, Post.
You're gonna stand trial.
Oh, no.
Give me your gun.
That's a real U.
S.
Marshal.
Matt Dillon, Dodge City.
That's him.
You got him, Mr.
Dillon.
We got what we come after.
Yeah.
I'm kinda sorry it had to work out this way, though.
What do you mean? Oh, I don't know.
I just I just hate to have to humiliate and destroy a man like Joe Phy.
You stop to think of it, he was doing a pretty good job keeping the peace here.
Oh.
Yeah, well Yeah, everything's peaceful enough now.
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Peaceful enough now, all right, till we leave town.
Yep, you know, it's too bad we couldn't have left Joe Phy alone.
He was doing a pretty good job.
Come on.
All right, Post, let's go.