Happy! (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

Year of the Horse

1 Previously, on "Happy!" Why don't you tell me where we're going? How the heck should I know? You're the detective.
What about the guy? Tell me about the guy.
Can you describe him? You're gonna tell me what he looks like, I'm gonna tell him, he's gonna draw it.
You owe me.
I don't owe you anything at all.
The only man you ever loved broke up his marriage.
I get it.
Father gunned down in the line of duty.
Your mother loses her mind.
I bring you Sax, and we're even.
These came from the parents of the other missing children.
Any cop worth his shit might go out there, stake him out.
See if they get a card.
You gotta talk to Mrs.
Claws.
Reminds me of a fella we all knew.
Worked at Gimbels before it closed down, ended up hanging himself.
My monster is very much alive and kicking.
Not him, his son.
[YELLING.]
You look just like your picture.
[YELLING.]
Nick, are you all right? Oh no.
I can see you.
[LAUGHS.]
[WHIMPERING.]
No, no, please.
- You.
- [WHIMPERING.]
[LAUGHS.]
But you You can't touch me unless you believe in me.
[SNIFFING.]
[STRUGGLING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED.]
Bye bye.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, God, no, no.
[SCREAMS.]
No Happy.
[GULPING, SIGHING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[DARK HOLIDAY MUSIC.]
[GAGGING.]
[METAL CLANGING.]
[GAGGING, HACKING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[SHAKY NEIGH.]
[SIRENS WAILING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SIRENS WAILING.]
Gotta go after him.
Nick, are you okay? [SIRENS WAILING.]
That guy would've fed my ass to me if it hadn't been for you.
You saved me.
That's what partners do.
You need to calm down.
[SIRENS GROWING LOUDER.]
We gotta get outta here, Nick.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
What is it? "The best way to a man is through his stomach.
" "Auspicious Dumpling Fortune Cookie Company?" [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
My ex-husband drove me out of Manhattan Literally, in his car.
But now, I'm a Sussex County siren.
They may have stripped me of my pageant title, but they can't take away my Jersey Pride.
They thought white collar prison would break me, but it only made me stronger.
I used to worry about sleeping with the fishes, and now I'm fighting with these bitches.
Poor Isabella.
Losing a child is the worst tragedy a mother can endure.
But losing four at once? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, which ironically is Isabella.
Of course I feel sorry for Isabella.
I am not heartless.
But this does not mean I forgive her for that shit she pulled at Eddie's wedding.
Isabella will be okay.
Death is a big part of being Italian Death and good sauce.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
You did this to my boys.
How could you even suggest such a thing? You're they're uncle, you're supposed to protect them, steer them away from this life.
They were grown men, Isabella.
They were babies! They were grown up enough to make their own choices, and grown up enough to find a hit man's bullet.
Why don't you turn off those cameras? The cameras stay.
Your boys are lying in there with their toes curling up, and you let in these flesh-eating vultures.
I am not ashamed to show people who I am.
You're cruel, Blue.
You were a cruel boy and you're a cruel man.
The blonde wife, the house, the fucking sweaters [FINGERS SNAPPING.]
[WHISPERS.]
No f-bombs, please.
[DISTORTED VOICE.]
You wanna lose those fingers? None of it changes what you really are.
All right, moving inside.
Ten minutes.
Nice work.
[SOLEMN PIANO MUSIC.]
I'm warning you, Ms.
Scaramucci, this isn't for the faint of heart.
I'm ready.
[GUNSHOT.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[SQUEAKS.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[SOBS.]
Show me.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Mikey - [GLASS SHATTERING.]
- My baby [ANGUISHED SCREAM.]
[SOBBING.]
No! [SOBBING.]
And we got it.
[SOBBING.]
No.
Isabella, I need to get you outside driving up again.
Everybody out now! Especially you.
[CRYING, WHIMPERING.]
I shouldn't have gone to the mall that day.
It was so crowded, but I promised Cal an autograph from a Wishee.
He knew every word to Sonny's Wish-mas Special.
Um This-this song was playing when I lost him.
- [HOLIDAY ROCK BALLAD PLAYING.]
- It's strange.
All these things get burned in your memory.
This song is in my head now, playing on a loop.
[BOTH HUMMING ALONG SADLY.]
[HUMMING, WHIMPERING.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
[HUMMING CONTINUES.]
[FOREBODING MUSIC.]
We're leaving.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
- What the hell? - I'm sorry.
With all sympathy to everything you're going through, I can't be out here all night playing TV detective.
Those are sob stories, not leads.
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
What about the red cards? Maybe.
Maybe.
But we can't pretend to know this guy's MO.
Cal was taken from a Sonny Shine event.
And so was Hailey, I get it, I do, but I can't investigate every family that has a missing kid on the off chance that whoever brought you the card is just gonna show up [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[EXCITING MUSIC.]
[KNOCKING.]
Have you heard the good news about God's kingdom on Earth? [DOOR SLAMS.]
Have you heard the good news about God's Kingdom on Earth? [DOOR SLAMS, LOCK CLICKS.]
Have you heard the good news about God [DOOR SLAMS.]
Have you heard the good news about Have you heard the good news about God's kingdom on Earth? [DOORS SLAMMING.]
Why, no, I haven't, but I would love to.
Please, come in.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
A field trip to a cookie factory.
Hailey would've loved this.
That asshole knows what's up.
Come on.
Yo, Confucius.
What say you point me out to the boss man? Ah, shit.
He said your face looks like it got ran over by Wait a minute, you know Chinese? Hailey and I take Mandarin at the Y.
Get outta here.
[LAUGHS.]
It's the language of the future.
Our teacher gave us a blue star on our last test.
- No kidding.
- No big deal.
Forgive my grandfather.
He's totally senile.
It's almost noon.
Why don't you change out of your jammies, pop-pop.
Can I help you? Yeah, we're looking for the boss man.
We, me, I.
You found her.
Oh.
Yup, it's one of ours.
I'm not surprised.
We're the sole distributor in the tri-state area.
And just between you and me We're this close to landing Delaware.
Mazel tov.
I know this is ridiculous Any chance you can tell me what restaurant that fortune came out of? It's not ridiculous.
It was written a few years back.
But sometimes cookies stay on shelves for decades waiting for their matches.
Their matches? You don't think we send these out at random, do you? Mmm, kinda.
I think that was the wrong answer.
Look, I've been chasing around the block a few too many times to believe in this mumbo jumbo.
The universe has an order to it.
Fortunes shed light on that order.
Each one is unique and each one finds the person that's supposed to read it.
She's helping us, Nick, be nice.
I'm gonna choose my words very carefully, um I can appreciate in order to sell your dry, flavorless cookies, you gotta peddle this story that, frankly, makes you sound like a simple-minded asshole.
But there is no such thing as the cosmic order.
The universe is a callous, indifferent bitch, and it will fuck you every chance it gets.
And once you think it's done with you, it will flip you right over and fuck you from behind.
Do you think I'm afraid of a skeptic? You don't dominate the tri-state area and possibly Delaware by being afraid skeptics.
I'm rock hard right now.
Think about it this way, Mr.
Sax.
That fortune you read It brought you here today, didn't it? Well, that, and the number six bus.
Well, isn't that fortunate, because I know where your cookie came from.
Nom Wah Tea Parlor.
181 Division Street? Where is that? Ah, shit.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
Chinatown.
[CURIOUS ACCORDION MUSIC.]
I was thinking about what you said last night, Blue.
About turning off the cameras? About the man who killed my boys The hit man? I wanna be a hit man when I grow up, Daddy.
[LAUGHS.]
Gerry, please.
Why do you wanna be a hit man, Gerry? They get to kill people, Auntie Isa.
[MUTTERING.]
Oh, Jesus.
But, you know, a hit man isn't just any kind of killer.
He's a special type.
He's not a sociopath.
Sociopaths kill for pleasure.
Understand? - For pleasure.
- Mm-hmm.
A hit man is a businessman.
He kills for money.
So, the question becomes who paid that man to kill my boys? Okay, the truth is I think it may have been a revenge killing.
Revenge? It's no secret that I have done some bad things in my time.
I haven't always been a good man.
Ah, no, it's true.
But there is one low to which I have never sunk, and I never will.
This So-called reality TV.
It is a virus, Isabella.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- I'll get it.
- Sit down! Now, does society punish you for this? No.
It rewards you lavishly.
Perhaps looking down from a 100 million feet up in the sky, our lord [GENTLE MUSIC BOX MUSIC.]
decided to take matters into his own hands.
He said, this is not right.
This is not the world that I labored for seven days to create.
This is not what I wanted for the people for whom I sacrificed my own son to save.
And so, Isabella, as is his way, God smote you.
He took his revenge on you, tit for tat, killed your boys the way he killed those poor little Egyptian babies back in historical times.
All because of the unfortunate choices made by a parent.
It's not my fault.
It's not even the hit man's fault.
It's yours, Isabella.
You.
You killed them.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'm gonna get that.
Frappuccino? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[LIQUID TRICKLING.]
[LOW, DISTORTED VOICE.]
Blue.
Thank you for coming in on such short notice.
Of course.
I serve at your pleasure, Mr.
Bug You know what bugs crave more than anything? Dead flesh? Dead things? [LEATHERY SQUEAKING.]
Darkness.
The shadows.
The inside of a wall, the underside of a rock.
The holes in the cheese, the cavities of the world, one could say.
So, what do bugs loathe more than anything? The light? Exposure! You come into a room at night, you flip the switch, they scatter to every corner.
You understand.
[LEATHERY SQUEAKING.]
I understand.
Do you, though? Because fuzzy or not, I know exactly who that is.
[SIGH.]
There are Jenners less exposed than this.
It's a family issue.
I'll squash it No, deal with it.
- I will - That's not all.
Your guy, Mr.
Ho Ho Ho? Junior Mozell? He's under strict orders to stay with the The cargo.
Oh, just say it, Blue.
The children.
I don't want to second guess the way you do business, Blue, but the people you employ do reflect on you.
Ugh, I mean, the Santa suit, it's a little It's a little, camp, don't you think? Everyone loves Christmas, but perhaps he's taking it a little too far.
Do you really think he's stable enough to trust with work this sensitive? Yes, he does put his heart into his work, - but what more could we - Listen to me.
It's only a few days until Christmas, and I need those deliveries made.
They are important gifts for important people, and I expect them to be bright and shining under the tree Christmas morning.
Got it, got it.
I'd like you to accelerate things.
We'll transfer the children to the prep stage tonight.
Yes, sir.
[CLUB MUSIC.]
[FOREBODING MUSIC.]
[SOFT MOANING.]
[DOOR CLICKS.]
When I'm finished with you, you are going to regret not having done this sooner.
[MONOTONOUS VOICE.]
Warm.
Yes, warm.
You have such a way with words.
Not to bore you with shop talk, but this wax When it's poured into the nostrils Perfection.
It restricts the breathing passages.
Not enough to kill you, just enough to trigger excruciating pain as the blood vessels burst.
Well, what am I rattling on about? Oh, it'll also There we go Take five years off your hands.
[GIGGLE.]
So, they'll only look 80.
Oh, now, now, now, don't be greedy.
As captivating as it is to stare into those empty, vacant eyes for hours on end, well, every pleasure has its limits.
[WHISPERS.]
And I need some Smoothie time.
Need.
So, you just sit tight and watch TV.
Oh, look, it's your favorite show.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING.]
That's it, that's it, that's it.
- Go.
- [YELLS.]
[CUTLERY SHINGS.]
[YELLING.]
This is the first nice thing that I have done for myself in a long time.
[ELECTRIC WHIRRING.]
[PANICKED WHIMPERING.]
[PHONE BUZZING, RINGING.]
[LADY GAGA'S "BAD ROMANCE" PLAYING.]
- Hold up.
- Ga ga, ooh la la Want your Smoothie.
Where the hell are you? [WHIMPERING.]
I am at the McCarthy's with Jessica like you put me.
The bug is upset.
We're making some changes and I need you to do a scrub down.
Today now.
Well, I am in the middle of something.
So, get out of it.
Shit.
Okay.
I'll be back.
[FENCE RATTLING.]
[CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
[YELPS.]
Come on, man.
I'm not the guy you're after.
Yo, I'm basically FedEx.
Would you kill FedEx? You work for murderers.
I don't know nothing about that.
I mean, you work for NYPD.
Pretty sure they're not all saints up there, am I right? You see this lock of hair? It belonged to a boy named Cal.
He is nine years old.
This is not gonna be a merry Christmas for Cal.
If he's not dead already.
Look at it.
I just deliver envelopes, point A to point B.
The cash is good, all right? Look, I'm just trying to put myself through Juilliard, okay? This shit is not cheap.
Juilliard? You like music? Piano.
What? I play piano.
Jazz.
I'ma be the black Bill Evans, see? I'm not some kind of monster, all right? Piano.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[WHIRRING.]
[CLICK.]
[WHIRRING.]
Oh.
Okay.
All right, please, please! Come on, man! This is harassment! How's your finger feel on that throttle, Ms.
Hansen? Twitchy.
Part of you wants to squeeze it just to see what'll happen? A real big part.
You are gonna tell us where you got that envelope, Liberace, or you're gonna need chopsticks to play Chopsticks.
You understand? Okay! All right, all right.
It's a dead drop.
They page me an address, they leave it for me.
There you go.
- [CLICK.]
- [WHIMPER.]
Piano nothing.
Singing's your forte.
All right, listen, you need to go home.
Not a chance.
All right, I was wrong about you, and maybe Nick was too You're tough as shit.
But what I'm walking into You're gonna be a liability to me.
And to her.
I can either take you back to the station and lock you up again, or you can go home and get some rest.
I will call you as soon as I know anything.
I promise.
[FEMALE TV ANNOUNCER SPEAKING CHINESE LANGUAGE.]
[FUNKY MUSIC.]
Nick, I think this cat is trying to tell me something.
But what? [MUTTERS.]
Ah, come on.
Look at all the pretty plastic food.
All of the paper lanterns and the funny hats.
I don't get it, Nick.
Why do you hate Chinatown so much? [THE POINTER SISTERS' "I'M SO EXCITED" PLAYING.]
Oh, pai gow, moth oh! This deck hates me.
Tonight's the night we're gonna [SIGH.]
Not again.
Tonight we'll put all other things aside You're a guy, aren't you? Eh.
I want to love you, feel you I love a story with a happy ending.
I know I never pass one up.
All right, this is the place.
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
Nick Sax, NYPD ish.
I'm trying to locate a man Eats here, maybe he orders in.
Uh, big, smelly animal.
Looks like Santa Claus if you ran him over with a mack truck and sprayed him with cat piss.
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
[TEETH CHATTERS.]
Uh All right, hit me with Mandarin.
Slow.
I got this.
Repeat after me.
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
- Is that for real? - [SPEAKS MANDARIN.]
[WHISPERS.]
That means yes, Nick.
Well, give it to [QUIETER.]
Give it to me slowly, will you, please? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Keep it going.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SPEAKS MANDARIN.]
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
[THUDS.]
All right.
Not bad.
I had my doubts.
[SNORTS.]
What the Yin-Yang fish.
Dead and alive.
Blue star at the Y, huh? Real impressive.
Did she curse me out? She says to wait for the boy to help us.
All right, fine, I'll wait, but I ain't eating that.
[CHA CHA MUSIC.]
[CHA CHA MUSIC.]
I can't believe you did that.
It was the humane thing to do.
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
All right, let's rev up the engines.
[SPEAKING MANDARIN.]
Dude, speak English.
How much weed do you want? Ah, no, no, no, I'm not Yeah, maybe a J.
Um, but I'm also here looking for a guy who orders out of this restaurant.
Looks like Santa Claus if he was dragged through a swamp, doused some gasoline on himself.
Yeah, I remember a dude like that.
Buys in bulk, couple times a week.
Every week.
Spare ribs, Moo Shu, crab rangoon.
Extra fortune cookies.
You don't look like immigration.
Immigration? Dude orders enough to feed 50 Cambodians.
Anyway, seems like no one lives there.
I figure it must be some kind of underground sweatshop Whorehouse, maybe.
Color me twice as interested.
Where's that? In one of those old buildings down near South and Rutgers.
South and Rutgers? Let's be specific, kid.
God is in the details.
Oh, sure, let me just check my digital delivery boy log for the coordinates.
Beep beep boop boop Ugh! Look, I'm trying to save a life here.
My patience has run out for the black hole of Millennial sarcasm that is your brain.
- Now - Ahh! Take me to that building, or I'm gonna snap your wrist back over your delivery bike and smoke all your weed.
You got that? [PANTING.]
Get up.
Ah, sweet Jesus, help me.
Serves you right for being a P-I-G.
"Next time, try duck.
" Now you tell me.
What's that, Nick? Eh, dopey fortune says, "Next time, try" Duck! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[DOOR BELLS CHIMING.]
[YELPING.]
- Ahh! - [METAL TRAY CLANGING.]
Ugh! [DISHES RATTLING, CLATTERING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[OIL SIZZLING.]
[MUFFLED SHRIEKING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Look, Hap! Yin-Yang Asshole.
Ah, look out, Nick! [CRASHES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
You can hide, but you can't run, Sax! It's a shame there's only five of you With six, you get eggroll.
Wow, that is so offensive.
Offensive? You guys are trying to kill me! Oh, no, Sax.
We're gonna kill you.
[TECHNO MUSIC.]
[SCREECHING FLAMBOYANTLY.]
Ugh, shit.
Shove that slinky right up your Oww, shit, that hurt! God damn it.
Shouldn't have come to Chinatown, Sax.
Well, trust me there, Elvis, I never wanted to set foot in this sputum stained shithole of a tourist trap for the rest of my life, but today I'm a man on a mission.
[YELPING.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Whoa.
[TECHNO MUSIC.]
[CRASH.]
[TIRES SCREECHING, SQUEALING.]
[GLASS SHATTERING, CRASHES.]
[WOMAN SHRIEKING.]
Chinatown.
All right, come on, let's go find Rutgers and South street.
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
Ah, crap, more of 'em? Yoo-hoo, Nick! Up here! [GRUNTS.]
[SIGH.]
[KNOCKING.]
[ITALIAN ACCENT.]
Did you bring what I asked for? Si, Signora.
Grazie.
Si accomodati.
A cheeseburger.
Grazie.
And what brings you here today, my dear? I'm just so broken-hearted, Signora.
[SIGH.]
I need to know who did this.
I need to know who killed my babies.
Once you know the truth, you cannot un-know it.
Capisci? Yes.
Si.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Grazie.
- Mamma.
Nonna.
Bisnonna.
Mostrami i figli di Isabella.
[WIND HOWLING SOFTLY.]
[TV CLICKS, BUZZES.]
Oh.
- [ELECTRICITY FIZZLING.]
- I see them now.
Si? They are together.
- [ELECTRICITY FIZZLING.]
- They are in peace.
And they love you.
- [RELIEVED SIGH.]
- Very much.
[FIZZLING.]
[MUTTERING IN ITALIAN.]
[GASP.]
They warn you.
You have an enemy in your house, and this enemy is the one who killed your three sons.
[STAMMERING.]
What is she saying? Three? There's four.
Che me dici? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
What? [MUTTERING IN ITALIAN.]
Mikey is not with them.
[HUMMING.]
Mrs.
Scaramucci, what are you I wanna see my sons.
I'm in the middle of a very delicate op Uh You sure we're going the right way? Eh, sure I'm sure.
It's Yeah, there's the bridge, right there.
That, uh That means we're going east, then.
I think we're going east, or is that east? It means the building's gotta be, uh God damn it.
You can't be lost, Nick? I've been lost 20 years.
Trust me, I know lost.
Nick What are you doing? What am I doing? I'm running around like an idiot because of a fortune cookie! Gotta be 20-something buildings in one block! Santa could be in any one of them or none of them! You understand what I'm saying? We've run out of luck.
Wait, hold on.
Oh.
Maybe not completely.
[CHUCKLES.]
[LIGHTER CLICKS.]
[LIGHTER CLICKING.]
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING.]
I have no idea what you're doing back there, but I want it to stop.
[TAPPING.]
Are you doing jazz hooves? I'm doing the dance of hope.
Is that to get around the no-singing rule? Because this is just as annoying.
No, there's always hope, Nick.
Always hope.
There's always hope.
Let me tell you a little something about hope.
- [TAPPING CONTINUES.]
- Hope is like this lighter! Screw it, you dance all you want.
I don't give a shit.
And you know something? If you think that a bolt is gonna come out of the blue and miraculously just light our way [THUNDER BOOMS.]
[CRACKLING.]
Holy shit.
Oh, my God, Nick.
Gimbel's is where Santa's daddy worked.
I know, that's why I just said "holy shit.
" [MELLOW MUSIC.]
All right.
All right, now Don't even say it, don't even say it.
Don't say it.
[THUNDER BOOMS.]
I thought you said this place was ritzy.
Yeah, well, it was when I was a kid.
Oh, I remember how hard it was for Hailey to learn how to tie her shoes.
But she did learn.
Sometimes I miss her so bad, I just close my eyes and remember that time we learned to make our own pizzas, or when we went to the planetarium and looked through the telescope.
And we could see Pluto like we were right there.
Memories fade.
Or they start to hurt.
And then one day you wake up, and the newspaper's telling you that Pluto's no longer a planet.
Like none of it ever happened.
All right, come on.
Where to? [THUD.]
Women's Casuals.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[DOOR SQUEAKS.]
[CIGARETTE CRACKLING SOFTLY.]
- [BANG.]
- [RECORD STUTTERS.]
Christmas, Christmas, Christmas [RECORD SQUEALS.]
- [YELPS.]
- [CRASHES.]
[SCREAMS.]
[SHOUTING.]
What'd you do that for? Sax? Ugh, stabbing me right in my good leg.
This is it, Nick.
The dark room! [PANTING.]
Hailey.
[LOUDER.]
Hailey? [ROUSING MUSIC.]
[FRUSTRATED SCREAM.]
Don't worry, Happy and my dad coming.
They're going to save us.
How will he find us now? I I don't know.
[BANGING.]
Sing it again! Sing it! Twelve drummers drumming [CHILDREN, SLOWLY.]
On the first day of Christmas My true love sent to me A partridge in a pear tree