Happyland (2014) s01e04 Episode Script

Park Maintenance

1 (Announcer) Previously on "Happyland.
" So my dad had a secret love child who I made out with? You're messing with Lucy's livelihood.
(Growling) You're going to get fired for this, Will.
What were you thinking? Mom, what's this? I'm playing Hagula now.
Are you okay? - (Giggling) - Ian! (People screaming) (Maniacal laughter, kids booing) You two are royal pains in my bee-hind! By the power of true love, I banish thee from the kingdom forever! Aah! Oh! - Hang in there, Mom.
- Oh, kill me.
(Maniacal laughter) You haven't seen the last of me! (Cheering) Come, Adriana, let us walk across the bridge of love, into happily ever after.
(Tepid applause) Valor and Adriana are supposed to be madly in love, not madly in awkward.
You said keep an eye on him, not become his BFF.
He's doing his job.
Well, you're just going to have to up the romance quotient.
Look, I know he's terrible to look at, but dig deep, find the inspiration.
I'll get inspired.
Hey, where have you Gotta change out of this dress.
Look like one of those pageant hawkers.
Please, you're way less trampy.
So, why didn't you text me back last night? You seemed busy enough already.
What? I saw you, in the tunnels with Ian, reenacting the poster of a Nicholas sparks movie.
Oh, God.
Lucy Look, Will and I got in a huge fight.
He was being sweet, top-shelf vodka was involved you have a boyfriend, who by the way, is my best friend.
It was just a little slip.
Will deserves better than little slips.
- Have you told him? - No.
Thank you.
Not for you.
It would just make him feel bad.
Lucy, Will and I haven't been great for a while.
Things are changing.
Not everything has to change.
Harper, you make Will happy.
I know you're going through a rough patch, but just fix it, okay? We'll forget this happened.
Instant amnesia, it's a thing.
You're completely right.
I was totally out of line.
I'll fix it.
(Door slamming) What's up? Are you okay? Harper broke up with me.
Harper's really got some timing.
Dumping me the day I'm picking up my stuff after getting fired.
You know, after years of service as a beloved raccoon, they just toss you out into the street like a Regular raccoon.
Hey, I fought in character.
It's the ultimate Happyland don't.
I had it coming.
Okay.
I-I can't fix the job issue, but I can talk to Harper.
What? Well, we've had our issues in the past, but we're friends.
I'll get all girly with her and stuff.
I can fix this.
Just leave it alone, all right? Get in the truck, you unemployed bum.
Yeah, like you never spent a Tuesday afternoon sitting on our couch watching Devry commercials, Dad.
Ray just appreciates irony, right? You should listen to your smart friend here, you might learn something.
(Sighing) See you at the ride preview tonight? Previews are for employees only, Luc, but have a good time.
(Dog barking) Hi, Mom.
Remember when they put me on the top of the float in the starry night spectacular parade? You hated being on that float.
The exhaust fumes made you loopy.
That was the best part.
Who is this joyless, sad creature that's replaced my mother? (Sighing) I was working on my résumé today.
I just says "Princess.
" I have professionally curtsied for 18 years with no other marketable skills except for being Hagula, and that job sucks.
Come on, Mom.
You loved new ride previews.
Throw on a push-up bra.
You may not be an Adriana, but you still work at the park.
Why does Miss "I'd rather stay in and read" wanna hit the town? I have a Project tonight.
Oh, you don't need me for projects.
Just leave me here with my box of wine.
Come on.
My summer plans fell through, Will got fired and dumped, family bombs are dropping like crazy.
Can one thing please be normal? Okay, I'll get dressed.
And for the record, I don't need a push-up bra.
These babies do this on their own.
(Giggling) I knew I should have stayed in tonight.
Monorail Tony is over there.
He's been trying to get you on that ride of his for weeks.
Who's this pimping free-love preacher who's replaced my daughter? He seems nice.
Not everyone has to win a nobel prize, or know what one is.
- Oh! - Hmm.
You must really think my self-esteem is in the toilet.
Just have fun, Mom.
(Sighing) Okay.
(Screaming) Excuse me.
Hey! Dancing queen.
I-I never caught your real name at Ian Chandler's party the other night.
- Lucy.
- That also works.
Either way, I-I was hoping I'd see you again.
I hold that thought, I'm I'm sort of the middle of something.
- Okay.
- Uh Oh, I'll hold it.
I thought, I mean, not (Giggling and chattering) Hey, you made it.
Of course.
I never miss a chance to go violently upside down.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm going to let you guys talk Lucy/Harper stuff.
You know, boys, "real housewives," middle eastern foreign policy.
So, the college intern from the party back there was inviting you to the You're on a date? What the hell? It's not a date, it's a group hang.
What happened to making it right with Will? Lucy, I feel terrible about what happened with Will, but not about everything.
He deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him, and that's just not me anymore.
Sure, tomorrow I'll cry and look at our happy couple Facebook pics, but right now I'm out with a guy who's sexy and new, and it's summer, and I'm 17, not 30, I'm having fun.
What's wrong with that? Come on, you're my friend, too, right? Yeah, but He's not just some rich guy.
Get to know him sometime, when you're not wearing a tiara pretending to be in love.
(People screaming) No more deserts, please, I feel the diabetes starting.
Straight up, you don't get to play a princess unless you keep it fit.
Mm-hmm.
I-I hope I'm not out of line, but this right here, mad fit.
Well, curtsying is a great workout, and it's cheaper than a gym membership.
Hmm.
I still don't know how a dumb monorail operator like me gets to spend an evening with the fairest of them all.
Oh! With the dope backyard.
- Hey! - (Growling) What? Ahh? (Metallic clanking) We need to talk.
Uh, I thought neither of us were into the sibling bonding thing yet.
We're not sibling bonding.
We need to talk about Harper.
We don't.
- What are you doing? - Hey.
Group hanging, small group.
This will only take a minute.
You need to end this thing with Harper before it begins, or before it begins more than it did last night in the tunnels.
Hey, by the way, did you get my text asking your permission to make out with her? Oh, that's right, I didn't send it.
- She has a boyfriend.
- Not any more, right? Shame, since the only reason I hooked up with Harper was to get close to Will.
Lucy, I love him.
Do you think this is funny? Like a game? Let's get Will fired and steal his girlfriend.
Do you realize that Will can't afford to not have a job? Why would I try and sabotage Will's life when he's already doing it so well on his own? What the hell's your problem? (Man on speaker) All right, folks, here we go.
(Sighing) (Shouting) Sorry, employees, we're doing a safety check.
- Great.
- Hold tight.
So we're clear, I don't need you telling me what to do or how to do it.
You had no right to Look, I'm not saying that hooking up with Harper while she still had a boyfriend was my finest moment.
It's been a weird few weeks.
Maybe you can relate.
Maybe.
So you'll lay off Harper? - No.
- But Harper is not a chess piece in some machiavellian game you're imagining.
She's fun.
I like her.
Oh, I feel disgusting for eating all that.
Scratch that, I feel amazing, I deserved it.
- And this.
- Hmm.
It's been a hard few days.
I bet.
You do, what, eight shifts a day as Adriana? Ohh.
That ain't easy.
I bet that corset gets straight-up tight with this body just busting out of it.
(Laughing) Well, as Hagula I get to enjoy the freedom, comfort and style of a shapeless burlap sack.
Hagula? No.
No, you're an Adriana.
Was.
Reassigned this week.
Hey You have the access pass to the monorail, right? What say we take this party to an empty car? You know something? I gotta bounce.
Early shift tomorrow.
Well, wait, maybe tomorrow night, then, hmm? Look, you're a cool chick, it's just Oh, gross! You're one of those creeps that brags about how he's hit every princess in the park.
No! No, that's not me at all.
Well, I'm not an Adriana any more, so sorry, you won't get to pad your stats tonight.
Well I mean, I guess we could Are you serious? You like her? Like, really like her? (Laughing) I'm not planning a wedding, but sure.
What's the problem? I thought I'd finally be getting out of here this summer.
And when that didn't happen, what made it oaky was knowing I'd have something solid here with my friends.
And now you're Messing everything up.
Even if I back off, Harper won't go back to him.
So you want none of your friends to be happy? (Man) Uh, thanks for waiting, folks.
(Metallic clanking) (Screaming) Thank you for coming to preview night.
Come back with your family soon.
Dad, you have a couple of photo ops.
You know, I'm I'm tapped out.
Finish up for me.
How's my favorite princess? Oh Fine.
I mean, I've actually been reassigned to play Hagula, so not a princess anymore, but that's fine.
Elena Velez a witch? Not in my park.
The president of Happyland doesn't need to hear about my small-time work issues.
(Sighing) Look, I'm sure you're busy.
Hang on, it's because I am president that I need to hear it.
I'm a big girl, I can handle it.
You've been here almost 20 years, Elena.
That hasn't gone unnoticed or unappreciated.
We should talk about your future.
(Whispering) Besides, I can't keep throwing this park-wide events just to talk to you.
Wow, you guys were up there forever.
My whole life flashed before my eyes.
Well, I'm glad you both survived.
We're about to head out to an after-party.
It's right near my house.
You can sleep over.
I'm going to keep will company.
Can't come tonight.
Employees only.
But you two have fun.
(Laughing) Sure.
(Laughing) Son, who wants to work at that park, anyway? That nasty fantasyland is nothing but a dirty, seedy hellhole.
That's because they fired you back in the day for nasty, seedy going-down-the-log-flume naked.
It's funny, funny man, who may want to earn his keep around here now that he's funemployed.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Wow, bringing out the hard stuff.
What is that? Schweppes? You talked to Harper, huh? Hey, Will, you know what your problem is? You think these girls are something special, and you get all upset when they move to a different zip code and become social climbing harpies.
I made a pun.
Oh, I'll follow your lead.
I'm sure there's a stripper in a casino bathroom out there for me somewhere.
(Laughing) Man, break-ups.
Been there.
I'm around if you wanna talk.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Uh Hey, listen, you think your dad could hook me up with a free fuzzy navel? Do me a solid.
Can we have a minute here, buddy? So Harper wants to move on, Will.
I'm sorry.
And you should hear it from me versus seeing it on Instagram.
She was there with someone.
Ian Chandler? You oaky? It sucks, but what's weird is that it sucks less than losing my job.
I'm probably never going to leave town, Luc.
Definitely not going to college, like you.
But I thought I'd least always have Happyland.
Come on, you'll figure something out.
Maybe Harper and I have been over for a long time, we just didn't want to admit it with each other, but But without her, without this job, I don't have anything left.
You have friends.
You have me.
And you have a rag that smells like cheap whisky and sadness.
This rag? Oh, gross.
(Laughing) Hola, mija! How did your project go? Mwah.
So glad we went out tonight.
Where you out with James Chandler, the man we're supposed to be avoiding? He cornered me on happy lane.
He wanted to talk.
I mean, what was I supposed to say, no? It didn't look like he was forcing you to leave with him.
He just gave me a ride home, it's no big deal.
And He offered me a promotion.
You're looking at the newest Happyland VIP tour guide.
Better pay, better hours, and last year Amber Danzinger gave Donnie Walhberg a tour.
Donnie! I start my training tomorrow! Isn't that great? And all this just materialized out of thin air? It's not how I get my jobs, Lucy.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Wait.
I'm sorry, okay? I really am.
I believe in you, it's just Everything's changing, and it's a little hard to keep up.
I know, my love.
It's changing for all of us.
But that could be a good thing, right? Hmm? So, no luck with monorail Tony? Princess popper.
- Not again.
- Yep.
Hey, how was the after-party? Ok, I guess.
Um, Ian and I It's okay.
I'm officially abandoning my you and Will reunion tour plans.
It's not that being broken up isn't weird, it's just It's just time to move on.
You know, we're both 17.
I want you to have a great summer, too.
How about you and Noah? - Hey.
- Hey.
You, uh You ready to go? Yeah, you wanna grab lunch? No, it's okay.
I got some stuff to do.
But next time, promise: You and me, girl talk, sex quizzes, unrealistic standards of beauty.
Sounds great.
I'll grab us a table.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Just don't rub it in Will's face, okay? Yeah, yeah.
Something tells me he'll be all right.
Hey, you're the new Adriana, right? Tony.
I'm 17, you perv.
(Will) Lucy.
Is that a disguise? No, got a call this morning offering me a job in security.
They even knew about me getting canned from character department, didn't care.
Guess somebody's got my back.
Yeah, I guess.
This is great.
I can't believe you're back at the park! Check it out.
They gave me a taser.
Think I should use it on Ian? Totally.
He deserves it.
Go for the nipples.
You know, for a while, I thought you were into him.
Me? Uh, no.
Uh, we don't really make a whole lot of sense.
Hmm.
You know, when I found out about this gig, you were the first person I wanted to tell.
It's just that I should be more upset about this whole Harper thing, but I'm not.
I think I know why.
(Noah) Lucy! Hey.
Am I interrupting? - No.
- No.
So, normally I'm great at taking hints.
World-class hint taker here.
But I wanted to try it one more time.
Asking you out.
(Nervous laughter) Again, should have said that sooner.
Yeah, I'd love that.
Give me your phone? Great.
Promise not to run away this time.
(Laughing) Okay.
Well, um, I will text you, or call.
Either, or, uh, Facebook, or Whatsapp.
Or Twitter, or Tinder.
Wait, no, not Tinder You'll find a way to communicate.
Sorry.
What were you saying? Uh, nothing.
No, I was, I was just gonna thank you for coming by the other night again.
It meant a lot.
You know I got you, dude.
Yeah.
So, uh, listen, I should probably get back to studying the manual.
Okay.
Bye.
Okay.
Oh! Yes, of course I'll marry you.
(Applause and cheering) (Sighing) I hate summer.
(Announcer) Next Time on Happyland.
Hey, stranger.
That was the first guy in forever that I've actually liked who's not my brother.
Fun, double date.
The college interns are doing Ricky face 650 tonight.
It's when you drink in every land at the park, and no one wants to wear pants.
My friend here decided to take a happy nap.
- Is he dead? - Like I said, he's taking a happy nap.