Happy's Place (2024) s01e09 Episode Script

1
I picked up your
order from the printers.
Oh, the anniversary flyer.
Let me see.
Oh, it looks great!
What the heck?
He only gave us one.
I only ordered one.
This is for the regulars,
and they know where to look.
The anniversary party is on?
I just heard Tall Kathy
talking to Short Kathy about it.
It's on.
Yes!
Oh, Izzy, you are going to love this.
We have a raffle and
karaoke, and there's a roast.
Who gets roasted?
The regulars.
Every year, Daddy would
emcee, and he loved them so much
that he'd just rip them to shreds.
He's like Joan Rivers and
Don Rickles just rolled into one.
You know, he'd be all
like, zing, zing, zingity-zing!
OK, the bar is absolutely buzzing
about the anniversary party.
But who's going to emcee?
Happy left some
really big shoes to fill.
I've got somebody in mind.
They know the tavern, naturally funny,
and they have a
gorgeous mane of red hair.
Oh, Bobbie, I'm flattered,
but I don't think I need to dye my hair.
I'm talking about me, ya hockey puck.
Zing, zing!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just was confused because
I'm the obvious choice.
You really think you're
the obvious choice
to replace my dad?
[CHUCKLES] My mistake.
I thought we were going off
comedic talent, not nepotism.
- Zing, zing.
- Oh, OK.
Maybe we just take it down a notch.
Happy you always said
that if anyone thought
they were funnier than him,
they could challenge him for the job.
That would be up a notch.
I live for drama.
You know what?
Game on.
Oh, all right.
Challenge accepted.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh, don't worry.
We'll still be friends, right?
Yeah, this is just two friends
having a friendly competition.
Two funny ladies being funny.
It'll be great.
And Emmett and Takoda can judge.
I'm already bored.
Wake me up when there's drama.
Sometimes it feels
like a big ol' fight ♪
To get through the day ♪
And sleep on through the night ♪
But here you'll find a place ♪
That'll surely lift your spirits ♪
You belong at Happy's Place ♪
Boy, it smells good in here.
Must be the grease cleaner.
Highly toxic with just
a touch of lemon scent.
Have I ever told you
how valuable you are?
Once. Just now.
What do you want?
Want? Me?
I want for nothing.
OK, I want you to promise
me that you'll vote for me
'cause I want to be the emcee
at the anniversary party.
Mm-hmm. No.
Come on, Emmett, what's the big deal?
I realize you don't know
anything about judging
a talent contest.
The decision should be
made on talent and talent alone.
And that's what America expects,
and that's what America deserves.
2:03 and Emmett has lost his mind.
I thought you were looking
forward to this competition.
Only if I win.
Do you have any idea why
nobody ever challenged Daddy?
'Cause they didn't want to get fired?
No, 'cause he was the
heart and soul of this place.
That's when he let it shine.
I want people to think
of me the same way.
Then win the damn thing.
Winning doesn't mean
anything if it's not fair and square.
I'm not going to take
that away from you.
Fine.
2:04, Emmett turned into a traitor.
2:04?
Time for my break.
So how's prepping for the big
showdown with Gabby going?
It's hard to tell.
These walls may talk,
but they sure don't laugh.
Hey.
I just told two people
at the bar a funny story,
and they said, and I quote
[LAUGHING]
Well, I'm so glad you're
into the competition, Gabby.
- Me, too.
- Hm, really?
Oh, yeah.
I said something to Isabella,
and she laughed so hard
that she smashed her head on the desk.
Ow?
Yeah, well, I better get
back out there, you know?
Oh, what's that now?
They're calling me the new Happy.
Oh, I'm coming, Tall Kathy.
Hold your horses.
I'm kind of jealous of
this competition you're in.
It reminds me of when I was
on the debate team in college.
Not to brag, but we were undefeated.
That is bragging.
And very interesting.
I actually know of a way that you can be
- part of the competition.
- How fun.
What do you need me to do?
Help me destroy Gabby.
OK.
Want to help, but not sure I'm
comfortable destroying someone.
No, I just want you
to help me with my act.
Oh.
Oh, my gosh, of course.
This is exactly like speech and debate.
Oh, man, I'm so excited.
Let's make those Barnard girls cry!
Oh, OK.
Well, I have some material ready.
It just needs a little polishing.
Great. Persuade me.
I mean, make me laugh.
Yeah.
All right, so I'm gonna start off
by introducing myself,
and then I'm gonna do the crowd work.
- Oh, love that.
- Yeah.
And then I'm gonna say, nice hat.
And then I'm gonna go into my hat jokes.
Who are you saying "nice hat" to?
Emmett. I'm gonna give Emmett this hat.
You think Emmett is
going to put on a funny hat?
OK, maybe I get rid
of all the hat jokes.
- I'm just gonna go into my routine, OK?
- So excited.
OK. [LAUGHS]
Two bartenders are fighting
over what the best drink is,
and one says it's
- Bobbie, look up.
- What?
Well, you want to look at the audience.
Oh, right.
OK.
Tell your monkey that's
how we make it in New York!
Come on.
That's hilarious.
I feel like you left out the middle.
You made me look up.
What's the matter with me?
I'm funny.
I know a lot of people say they
are, and they're not, but I am.
I know what's going on.
This means a lot to you,
and you're trying too hard.
Yeah, you're right.
I gotta loosen up.
Same thing would happen to
my friend Kristi on debate team.
- Yeah?
- She was naturally persuasive.
She convinced me to get a mullet once.
But put her behind a
podium, and she'd freeze.
I don't want to freeze.
You won't.
Not with a three-time collegiate champ
in your corner.
Now give me those cards.
You don't need these or this silly hat.
Think I can get my
money back for that hat.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hey, Takoda.
Need any help?
Sure, Gabby. Can you help me chop?
Yeah. I love chopping.
Chop, chop.
Chop o'clock.
On it.
You know, carrots can
improve your eyesight.
And your soup.
So true.
Question for you.
Are you as worried about
our friendship as I am?
Why would you ask that?
Well, I'm sorry, I just
I have to be honest.
We used to be solid.
Like a rock.
Or Emmett's forearms.
But lately, I'm just not
sure where your loyalty lies.
I apologize.
Maybe I've been distant.
My wife says I do that sometimes.
Well, don't sweat it.
I know you've got a lot on your plate.
Even more now that I've
done all this chopping.
[LAUGHS]
Everything will be fine once you just
vote to make me the new emcee.
No, that wouldn't be
fair to you or Bobbie.
Well, it would be if Bobbie didn't know.
Aha!
Busted!
I can't believe you're trying to get
Takoda to compromise his
sacred duty as comedy judge.
Where's your integrity?
It ran away with yours.
To Hypocrite Island.
This is just like when you
asked Emmett for his vote.
How did you know that?
I didn't, until just now!
Does she know that you've
got Isabella to help coach you?
[GASPS]
Do you know you're not
part of this conversation?
Oh, so you couldn't go at it alone, huh?
I must really have you rattled.
I don't rattle.
I roll.
Can you believe she
went to Isabella for help?
How pathetic.
We can't let this party divide us.
It's the opposite of what
Happy would have wanted.
Yes, of course. Exactly. Well said.
Come on.
A French fry joke?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, shoot, it's good.
Did you hear any of that?
No, unlike you, I don't press my ears
to unsanitary surfaces.
Isabella is in there helping Bobbie.
OK, that is not playing fair.
And you're telling me this because?
Because I know that you used to help
Happy with his material.
In secret.
He told me he would
take that to the grave.
How do you know that?
Are you doing seances again?
Yeah, but that's not how I know.
There was a certain Steve-ness
to Happy's roasts, you know.
Good-natured with just a dash of harm.
I'm flattered you noticed my duality.
So will you help me?
It depends.
Why is this important to you?
Because I have never won a
competition in my whole life.
I used to think it was
because I'm not competitive,
but my mom told me it's because I suck.
You know, I have never made her laugh.
Not once.
I'm in.
Yes!
OK, so I thought I would
start with just a little bit
Uh, uh, uh.
If we're working together,
there is one rule.
You have to do exactly what I say.
I mean, is that necessary?
- You want to be a winner?
- Yes.
Then hear and obey.
Oh.
- Give me your first joke.
- Oh.
Yes, sir.
[CHUCKLES] I started bartending
Too slow.
Pace.
Again.
I started bartending here
Too fast. Where is the rhythm?
- Again.
- I started bartending
- Again.
- I started bartending
- Again!
- I started bartending here
Again! Higher.
- I started bartending
- Lower.
- I started bartending here
- Physically lower.
Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah?
Bah bah bah.
Bah bah.
[LAUGHING]
Hilarious.
What's with the code?
You worried about somebody
stealing your material?
Oh, of course not.
We're all family here.
Hi, guys.
I don't need to see your "jokes."
I've been working with
Bobbie on her delivery,
and she's got this in the bag.
Oh, no, I forgot all the times
Bobbie told stories so uproarious,
we laughed till we cried.
Oh, wait, that never happened.
Have you forgotten that you're dealing
with a psychology major?
I know that confident
facade is covering the fact
that you're actually
shaking in your boots.
I don't wear boots.
They're germ buckets.
Let's put a little wager
on who's going to win this.
Brilliant idea.
You should have to put your
money where your mouth is.
Great. What's the bet?
That's it.
If Bobbie wins, you
have to put your money
where your mouth is
and kiss a dollar bill.
[TRILLING]
Mwah.
I'll take that bet.
'Cause the only thing
my confidence is covering
is more confidence.
Mm-hmm.
Professor Reese
would call that deflecting.
I'm afraid to ask, but
what if Gabby wins?
When Gabby wins, Isabella cannot mention
having gone to college
for a whole entire day.
You two are out for blood.
Game on!
Yeah, you're running.
You're running because you're scared.
I'm not the first person to run
when you were behind them.
Oh, hilarious.
Enough!
This competition is tearing us apart.
I agree.
And it's her fault.
You know, when you point
your finger at somebody,
you have three fingers
pointing back at you.
Oh, wow, she's right.
Look at that, huh.
In the spirit of Happy's
Place, can't one of you
just step aside for the other one?
Aw, that's a lovely suggestion.
How about it, Gabby?
Are you ready to step aside?
Oh, Bobbie, you know that normally
I would do anything for you.
But the truth is, there's
a lot of things I can't do.
Parallel park.
Anything tennis.
But every night, I stay up
and I watch those late night
TV hosts, and I whisper to myself
[WHISPERING] Gabby, you could do that.
And if I could do that
here, well, I mean,
it would just validate
my entire existence.
Bobbie, I guess it's up to you.
Oh, Gabby.
I have to say, no.
Look, this night always belonged to
our daddy.
Isabella never got to see him shine.
But maybe, just maybe, through me,
she'll be able to get
a glimpse of his light.
Daddy, is that you?
Oh, come on.
This is gonna be an impossible decision.
No.
No, it's not.
You can't win a comedy
competition with a sob story.
I guess it comes down
to, would you rather
see me kiss a dollar
or have an entire day
where Isabella doesn't remind
us she's a psychology major?
This is going to be an impossible.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Don't you think we should
be clear-headed for this?
I asked myself that same question.
I answered it about five beers ago.
I don't feel comfortable judging others.
Didn't one of your great
teachers say, "Judge not,
lest ye be judged"?
Yeah.
He's got a lot of stuff.
We use it as we need it.
Let's get this show on the road.
Gabby, you're up!
OK, this is it.
- I can do this.
- Mm-hmm.
You believe in me, right?
Here's what I believe.
I believe this moment
defines who you are,
and you must conquer
it, or it will conquer you.
I believe you got one chance,
one shot to prove you are not garbage.
Holy crap.
Is that from an Eminem song?
That's how my father dropped
me off at elementary school.
Oh, my God.
Your dad is my mom.
That's why I decided to help you.
- Duh.
- [MOUTHING]
This whole thing just makes me sad.
I'm sorry, Emmett.
I won't choose between my friends.
Speaking of choosing
friends, I pick Tall Kathy, huh?
Ever since Short Kathy got divorced,
not fun, am I right?
Uh-oh, she's good.
What are you talking about?
Emmett hasn't laughed once.
Didn't you hear him go "pft"?
That's Emmett's version
of rolling in the aisle.
We're not concerned with
what Gabby is doing, OK?
Our only focus is what you'll be doing.
Oh, dang it!
He did another "pft."
She's killing it up there.
- Bobbie, Bobbie, listen to me.
- Yeah?
You're ready for this, OK?
You just have to remember
the two things we went over
again and again and
again because they make
the whole presentation work
emotional journey mapping
and tempo variability.
This might be a little
late to tell you this,
but I don't know what that means.
Bobbie! You're up!
- OK.
- Crap.
You know, that was a pretty cheap laugh,
pretending you couldn't even remember
the name of the tavern.
I wasn't going for a cheap laugh.
I froze.
I actually couldn't remember the name
- of the place for a second.
- Oh, sure.
[SIGHS] Seriously.
What's really bad, it's
happens to be the same name as my daddy.
You might have to
teach me that little trick.
I would love to forget
the name of my mom.
Pft!
Well, if we're talking
about cheap laughs,
your nicknames for the
staff bit was low-hanging fruit.
What are you mad about?
I didn't make one up for you.
What about "Red Thunder"?
That's what you call me
around here sometimes, right?
Pft.
Not to your face.
Actually, I don't mind that one.
When Daddy'd get mad at me,
he used to call me "Crimson Turd."
Pft.
OK, what could possibly
be taking so long?
Gabby clearly won this, hands down.
Oh, please.
Insult humor is so easy.
Where'd you get that sweater,
Really Old Navy?
Hey, uh, could you both
do me a really big favor?
- Sure.
- Of course.
Shut up.
OK, I'm ready.
[GRUNTS]
- [SIGHS]
- This is what I think.
Gabby, you are damn funny.
- Yeah!
- Yes!
You are now an alumni of
Who Gives a Crap University.
Thank you, Emmett.
Um, but, you know,
Bobbie was kind of funny, too.
Yes, she was.
As a matter of fact, she was great.
Yes! Ha-ha!
Have fun making out
with George Washington.
Hang on, Emmett.
I don't think I was funnier than her.
- You weren't.
- Oh.
Or vice versa.
See?
This is why you should
have stopped at three beers.
No matter how funny you
two are, you're funnier together.
Hm.
When I look out from the kitchen
and you two are behind the bar,
all I see are regular
customers laughing.
I guess we do get
them going pretty good.
And I don't freeze when
I'm with you 'cause I know
you can make anything funny.
- Right back at you, Red Thunder.
- [CHUCKLES]
You're the best, Blonde Buzzard.
So my choice for this year's emcee
would be
both of you.
- Ugh, boo-hoo.
- Lame.
Aw, I like that.
What do you think, Gabby?
- What do I think?
- Yeah.
I think your dad would be thrilled
that it takes two funny
people to fill his shoes.
Oh.
OK.
But Steve still has to
kiss the dollar bill, right?
You know what you can kiss?
You are indeed a wise judge, my friend.
Even with a buzz on.
[LAUGHS]
ALL: Zing!
Pft!
[LAUGHTER]