Harlem (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Your laptop had my Instagram,
my hobbies, my schedule.
Everything we did
last night you researched.
Do you not get
how stalkery this is?
It ain't even like that, Cam.
I'm just terrible
at planning dates.
It's like the one thing
I'm bad at.
If you do say so yourself,
and you know what?
By the way, you're bad
at other things,
like being honest.
What?
Pretending that you ran
into me at Red Lobster,
that was dishonest.
Guessing that I'm a Gemini,
dishonest.
Oh, now he likes video games,
dishonest!
Okay, okay,
but it wasn't lying, lying.
It was more, you know,
reconnaissance, right?
I was just trying
to impress you.
Oh no, you were trying
to manipulate me
to get me into bed
by pretending that
we had things in common.
No, a lot of them
turned out to be real.
Do you not get the part of me
that will always now wonder
what is real
and what's for show?
And why would you go through
all of that anyways
before you even knew me?
Because that piece you wrote
for The Root
about gentrification
was dope, okay?
And then, yes, I looked you up,
and I thought you were cute.
Suddenly, you're on the panel,
and so I did
a little Instagram deep dive,
and I rolled the dice
with Red Lobster.
Hello, stalking.
I mean,
it's like I'm basically waiting
to be murdered at this point.
Well, I had you in a lot
of remote locations last night,
so if murder was my intent,
it would have happened.
Good to know.
That was supposed
to be a joke.
Trust me, this is a joke,
and I don't have time for it.
Because of this, I missed
a really important meeting.
So I'm just gonna go
before the doors close
and lock themselves
or something.
Hey, yo ♪
It's times two
when you put in that work ♪
Unless you tryna lose
or you coming in third
Dr. Pruitt, Dr. Pruitt!
I was just in your office.
Fun.
I was in my office
at our appointed meeting time.
I am very sorry.
If I could just explain
Camille, there are two things
I cannot abide.
One is lateness,
and the other is
inappropriate cleavage
in the workplace.
Boom, boom, guilty two times.
This is completely
not like me.
I am on time for everything.
I was even born
three weeks early.
Please, I promise
that I can prove my worth
on your Seneca Village
research team.
Well, you get the opportunity
to prove that
in your new role
as second assistant.
And I suppose that
groveling is beneath me?
I don't know if it is,
but it probably won't work.
Who got my position
as first assistant?
The one that wasn't late,
Nora Longbone.
My student Nora?
But she's an undergrad.
Yes, with lots of potential.
How is assisting my student
even gonna work?
You'd have to show up
on time to find out.
You know, Camille,
I am not gonna be doing you
any special favors.
If you really want this job,
you gotta work for it.
Yeah, I will.
And if that's you I smell,
you need to take a shower.
♪baby girl she
gotta do it with a purpose ♪
Madonna by the mirror, man
I heard that she a virgin ♪
Sheesh, and I been
in the gym all week
Who knew that a photo shoot
would be such an aphrodisiac?
Who knew I would be back
in your bed again?
And for the record,
sex after actually meeting you
is even better
than the first time.
Ditto.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go reheat some food
on my way out.
Such a bitch move.
But you remembered me.
I've profiled enough CEOs
to know that branding is
the number-one rule of success.
- I like that.
- I like you.
Yeah, another ditto.
And if you're serious
about branding consulting,
I just did a piece on Trask.
I would be happy
to introduce you.
Fuck, connected
and she eats pussy?
How am I this lucky?
Oh, if only
my homophobic mother
could hear someone
say that to me.
What are you doing
tomorrow night?
Are you about
to ask me back
for another secret booty call?
I was thinking
more like a date, dinner.
Wow, I've been upgraded.
And afterwards,
me and my friend Angie
are gonna hit up Minton's,
if you wanna roll.
- I love to roll.
- Well, all right.
Something 'bout
the way you look at me
Good morning.
♪makes my head
spinning
Good morning.
- I made you
- Oh, my God.
Bagels, and fruit,
and potatoes,
extra bacon.
Oh, I will have to pass.
I don't think one-night stands
are supposed to cook.
I mean, technically
this is my first,
so I'm not totally sure
of all the rules.
But thank you for last night.
You were very thorough.
I aim to please.
Um
Farewell, good sir.
W-wait, wait, so that's it?
You're just
you're just out?
Yeah, I mean,
that was the plan.
You know, fuck me,
choke me, pull my hair,
not cook for me.
But I guess
I'm a little hungry.
I'll just
I'll have a little bite.
But just to be clear,
this is for my blood sugar,
not because we're having
breakfast together.
Crystal clear.
This means nothing.
The bacon is perfect.
You're perfect.
Daddy!
Oh, my God.
What is that?
What are those?
JJ, how how are you here?
Oh!
JJ, go to the kitchen.
- Bye, naked lady.
- Oh, God.
Grandma,
how are you home so early?
It was one of those outbreaks
with everyone
getting sick on the ship.
You know white people
don't vaccinate.
I will be out of your hair
as soon as I can find
This, and these?
Um it was really nice
meeting you,
and I will happily
reimburse you for any therapy
your son might need after this.
Good day.
Thank you so much.
So sorry.
See, this is exactly why
I don't have sex
with strangers, girl,
because one second you think
you're about to get
a little dick and dip,
and the next, you are hiding
your boobs from a little boy.
Oh, I have been there,
girl twins.
I don't wanna hear more
of that story.
Suit yourself, but it's good.
Short version, Michael Douglas
didn't ever invite me back
on his houseboat.
Ew.
What sucks, girl,
is that the sex with Shawn
was really good.
And, actually,
I didn't hate talking to him
over breakfast this morning.
Over breakfast?
You met his family?
Accept it, Quinn, you ain't
really about that ho life.
No, I'm learning, okay?
I'm new to this.
I'm a ho apprentice.
And I know one thing for sure:
I'm not gonna see him again.
I can't.
Because, you know,
I have a very strict "no kids
that did not come out
of Quinn" policy.
Thank you, because kids
mean baby mama drama.
And I'm trying to look
for something simple.
I'm not trying to ask
some other
probably not-so-happy woman
into the mix.
- No, please, no.
- Another woman can be fun!
Oh, but that just brings me
back to Mikey's houseboat.
Fuck, I wish
he hadn't changed his number.
Oh, shit!
Oh, I must have left it.
What, pride, dignity,
your virginity?
My necklace!
Damn, I must have
ran out of there so fast
I left it by the bed.
Or in the shower,
Underneath the kitchen table?
Yes, around the world, honey,
that's how I like to travel.
Ugh, my grandmother
gave me that!
Now I'm gonna have to see him
in order to get it back.
It's a sign.
You about to be
an evil stepmom.
- Bitch, I'ma slap you.
- No, I should slap Get Out.
Look at this fucking check!
How the hell you gon'
tax somebody
making this little bit
of money?
Is this how Black
Republicans happen?
Have I been too hard
on Stacey Dash?
No, her and Ben Carson
are forever canceled.
Shit, now I gotta ride out
that nanny gig long-term.
Mm-mm, my girl,
yu never know it,
so yu a gwine bi a madda.
Wow, Quinn,
that is so offensive.
I only do it
when it's necessary.
Mi can't believe city girl
actually take yu
for Jamaican.
Oh, she take mi. She pay mi.
And I take care
of her daughter.
- No, that was horrible.
- "Doughta"?
- "Daughta." "Doughta"?
- No, mm-mm.
- Mm-mm.
- "Daughta"?
It's a horrible ting
you're doing.
Help me!
Yes, thank you.
No, I totally forgot.
I'm sorry, you know what?
I had the worst morning.
And you're right,
even more of a reason
to keep my therapy appointment.
And I will not miss it again,
I promise.
Okay, I'll see you next week.
Thank you.
- Camille.
- Oh, my gosh, Regina, hi!
I haven't seen you here
in forever.
I know!
Um, you know,
our our shopping schedules
probably just got out of sync.
Or you intentionally stopped
coming on Saturdays,
and you won't return my texts.
You know, work has been,
like, crazy.
Camille.
Okay, shouldn't there be
some type of rule
against mothers talking
to sons' exes,
especially when
said son is engaged?
I'm a grown-ass woman.
I talk to who I want.
And I've wanted
to talk to you.
Ian told me he saw you.
Yep, he did see me,
and I saw him, too.
I mean, obviously,
we saw each other.
But point being is that
we should get together soon.
And we should have lunch
or something and catch up.
Well, it's gotta be
very soon.
I retired,
and I'm finally moving south.
Congratulations.
But you can't leave.
You are New York.
Let's be real, New York
ain't New York anymore.
Come to my retirement party,
tomorrow, 6:00 p.m., my house.
I will try.
We all know "try"
is New York for "no."
- No.
- Please?
It won't feel right leaving
Harlem without you there.
- Won't it be weird with Ian?
- No, not at all.
Ian can't even make it.
So I'll see you there?
Well, I just you know,
I don't
I'll see you there.
Well, Regina says
that Ian has other plans.
But even if Ian's not
gonna be there,
aren't exes' families
off-limits?
I don't even like meeting
a dude's family
when we're together,
especially dads.
I may have fucked one
or three of them before.
- While you're still together?
- You fuck anything.
Okay, ex-families are
definitely off-limits.
I remember in the sixth grade,
I dated a boy.
His parents owned Hyatt Hotels.
And now,
I will never stay at one just
to avoid the remote possibility
of ever seeing them.
That's a bit extreme, Quinn.
There's like 5,000 Hyatts.
Actually, there's 843,
and they'll never get
Quinn's money.
Well, that's why they're
called the Hyatt,
not the Angie.
Oh!
Okay, fuck y'all.
I'm making my own money now.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, but I should go
to Regina's, right?
- No, you shouldn't.
- Of course you should.
- Right?
- Yes.
I mean, Regina's been like
a second mom to me.
More like a first mom to me,
if you count my shit show.
Are you sure you wanna go
back to Ian Ground Zero?
Okay, that is dramatic,
but no, I don't.
But I do feel like I owe it
to Regina to at least go
and say a proper goodbye.
I mean,
I have been kind of a douche
to her ever since the breakup.
Oh, Quinn's a slut.
Camille's a douche.
Why is everyone
stealing my brand?
I will go with you, Camille,
if you need support.
I appreciate that.
Especially
if you come with me
to go get my necklace
back from Shawn.
- Of course.
- Well, I can't go.
Tye and I are doing Minton's.
Plus, I kind of don't wanna.
It sounds messy.
For the record,
it just sounds to me
like you're dipping
your toe back into Ian drama.
No, this is not about Ian.
Don't read into it.
And you watch
too much Bravo.
Ooh, speaking of, are we
getting together on Friday
to watch the finale
of Weather Wives: Tampa?
Of course.
You know it's hurricane season.
Yes, it's hurricane season!
We're hosting, we're hosting.
- Uh-huh.
- "We" are?
Oh, okay, you are.
Camille hosted last week.
- I did.
- Oh, I guess I forgot.
Ugh, it's just my brain.
It's fried with work.
The store's going
from bad to worse.
Real talk, Quinn, you should
really try to get an investor.
You need somebody
who can put money into building
the brand that's not interested
in making a quick buck.
You need a wealthy white.
Yes, I love me
a wealthy white.
They will bail you out
of jail, anytime day or night,
no questions asked.
I always forget
you're from Staten Island.
Girl, try as I might,
I can't forget.
You know what?
I think an investor would
really help me spread my wings.
Do you think maybe
you can introduce me
to a few of your contacts, Tye?
I'll get back to you.
Do you think Tye is really
gonna get back to me?
Of course, why wouldn't she?
Oh, gosh.
This is Jameson texting again.
Nope.
No, didn't you say
you had a good time?
Are you really
gonna cut him off
just because
of a little dick-ception?
Uh, there ain't nothing little
about that dick,
but what's the "ception" part?
Dick-ception,
a harmless untruth
that a guy tells just
in order to give you some.
Angie's been teaching me
all the words, okay?
It's like a reverse
My Fair Lady.
But, for real, the fact
that he put all of that work in
just to show you a good time
Come on,
that's kind of romantic, Cam.
Plus, on paper,
he's the perfect guy for you.
Well, this isn't paper.
And what about your stripper?
When are we gonna get
your necklace back?
We don't.
I brilliantly gave
Shawn this address
and then told him
to text me when he was outside.
And then I was hoping maybe
you might go and get it for me.
Won't that be awkward?
Oh.
Speaking of awkward,
you are here.
Yeah, at my mom's.
What are the odds?
- Hey, Quinn.
- Hi.
All right, well,
someone must've invited y'all.
Okay,
should we leave or go in?
- We should leave.
- Okay.
No, no, no, we should go in.
We should go in.
We should go in, girl.
Just go in.
No, no, no, no,
we should leave.
We should leave.
Go, go, go.
No, no, no, go in?
Damn, I already gave
Shawn the address.
Go in. Damn it.
I cannot believe
that we are that annoying,
happy couple that I hate.
But I kind of love it.
- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Fuck, that's good.
So how was work today?
More importantly,
my cover story?
- Not a cover story.
- Mm-hmm.
But I think you'll be
very, very happy.
When can I read it?
When it hits the stands.
So, honey,
you can't slip me
an advanced copy?
No, I will slip you
no such thing.
What if I do that thing
that you like?
Mm.
Slip for a slip, huh?
That is tempting.
Let me get the check
before you change your mind.
Check, please.
Thank you.
Hey, thanks for dinner.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Um can we rain check
Minton's?
I'm just really fried.
Do you just want to go back
to your place?
'Cause you mentioned
some quid pro quo.
Um, another time.
I'm just tired.
Okay, yeah.
Are you sure everything is
- A hundred.
- Okay.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Fuck.
- There she is.
- Hi.
Are you ladies
having a good time?
Yes, yes.
Gosh, I-I missed this house.
Camille, you look wonderful,
like no time has passed at all.
Are they experimenting
on Black folks up there
at Columbia?
Well, if they were,
it wouldn't be for us
to look young.
I am so glad you came.
You know, you were always
like a daughter to me.
Thank you, but, you know,
I was surprised to see the guy
who's kind of
like a son to you.
Ian is here.
Oh, yeah, well,
his plans changed.
- I hope that's okay.
- Oh no, totally.
I mean, it's more than okay.
It's actually awesome.
I mean, it's like
the most perfect thing.
Ian's here in the house 'cause,
you know, he grew up here
- Camille.
- Oh, there's Dwana.
Dwana, girl,
you better give me those shoes.
There she is.
Ian's fiancée, Mira.
Oh, I mean, she's cool
if you're into
that thin model type, I guess.
Right.
But see, she looks
so out of place here.
Look, she looks like
she don't fit.
Just a little bit less.
Thank you.
Yeah, I do kind of
feel bad for her.
Yeah, me too.
But look, it cannot be easy
watching your fiancé's ex
just getting loved on
by his whole family.
Regina ain't slick, okay?
Oh, please, come on.
His plans change?
Okay, like Ian was ever gonna
miss his mom's party.
She knew he was
gonna be here.
You think so?
Of course.
This is totally a setup.
Yeah, but why?
Because she's probably hoping
that you and him will
still get back together.
No, I mean,
he's clearly moved on.
Camille, of course she is.
Come on,
she just said it herself.
You're almost like a daughter
to her still.
- Maybe you're right.
- I'm definitely right.
Look, you're still on the wall,
for crying out loud.
Aww.
Ian and I did always dream
about moving in here
after we got married,
had some kids, maybe a dog.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, calm down, I always
indulge your romantic side.
No, Shawn.
He's inside.
Ooh!
What are you doing here?
You were supposed to text.
I did, four times.
No response.
Oh, okay, well, fair enough.
Well, if you'll just
give me my necklace,
then you can be on your way.
Quinn, who is
this handsome slab
of a man you brought
to my house?
Hi, I'm Shawn.
I love your home.
Well, thank you.
- I was just leaving, so
- Like hell you are.
Nobody leaves
my house hungry, right?
- Right.
- You like ribs?
Come on, baby,
I'm gonna get you
I love this woman!
Yeah, she's great.
Where I go,
he go ♪
Kill me.
Riding dirty
or riding clean ♪
He got that loyalty ♪
Where you're supposed
- Yo, yo, yo.
- Hey, girl, this hair.
I know.
Still getting used to it,
but you know.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
You wear your Retro 4s
when you've been getting some,
but you wear your Retro 9s
when you're into someone.
And I haven't seen those
since Melissa.
- You don't know my life.
- Uh-huh, so where is she?
Yeah, I changed my mind.
Girl, you tear
through pussy faster
than I would if I liked it.
So what was wrong
with this one?
Nothing,
she's funny, mad smart.
Okay, so what's the problem?
She's
she's white.
Ooh, twist!
- You think I'm a sellout?
- Mm.
- I didn't say that.
- You do.
But listen, I'm not like
these other Black people
that get a little bit
of success
and then start
dating white people.
It just happened,
and I like her.
I thought I could handle it,
but the way people looked
at us,
and what kind of message
am I sending to the world?
"Hi, I'm Tye,
"and I created an app
so that queer people of color
"can meet and fall in love.
"But here's my white wife
and our mixed kids,
and my little baby
Labradoodle."
Tye, pump the brakes!
You think I should
break up with her?
You do.
You think I should
break up with her.
You're bugging.
It does not matter what I think
or what anyone else thinks.
Bullshit.
You know how we go in
on Black men
who have white girlfriends.
But those are the guys
who say they date white women
because Black women are
too loud,
too aggressive,
and too difficult.
That is not you.
I don't think I can handle
the pressure, Ang.
At the end of the day,
love is love.
But a relationship is
a choice.
I don't have to choose Anna.
It sounds like you
already know
what you wanna do.
Well, hold on, where's Trina?
Oh, Trina gone.
I burnt her.
- You burned her?
- RIP to Trina.
Girl, that is human hair!
Listen, I'll order you
a new one, a new Trina.
Ooh.
And maybe even
a Debbie, bitch.
Oh, hold on, 'cause Debbie
sound like she blonde.
She sound like she blow
in the wind, bitch.
So, I mean, what?
You're gonna stay
all night or
It's the last plate, I swear.
You said that
three plates ago.
And, please, be careful.
You're never gonna get that
sauce out of this dress suede.
Thank you.
What are you, a dry cleaner?
I'm a designer.
That's why I know fabric.
So you're gorgeous,
and you're talented.
Did I just stumble across
the perfect woman?
It was less of a stumble
and more of a dick drag
across the forehead in front
of 100 strangers, but
- Okay.
- A tale as old as time.
So where do I buy your stuff?
My store.
Well, for now, at least.
Running a boutique
is so expensive,
especially after you throw in
trying to make everything
with ethical,
sustainable fabrics.
And then your rent goes up,
and then all of a sudden, you
have to ask your mom for money.
And then your friend
isn't helping, even though
she's sleeping on the couch,
and then
I'm sorry.
I just said way too much.
Sometimes I have a big mouth.
I love your big mouth.
Ew, but kind of hot.
Aunt Tammy, I thought when
I went to Paris,
I was gonna come home,
my family was gonna
be proud of me.
You're a world traveler,
congratulations.
No one from Harlem
has ever been to Paris.
I'm on the verge
of a whole new life.
As a chef, financially,
socially
And I'm thrilled for you,
darling.
I'm just not clear
why you and the white folk
had to push Ray's out to do it.
Aunt Tammy, Ray's went under
'cause people stopped going.
But you sure jumped at the
opportunity to snatch it up.
But you know what?
You were always
a selfish little kid.
It makes me sad
you don't care about history.
Oh, well,
come on, Aunt Tammy.
I mean, when was the last time
you really went to Ray's?
Why are you here, Camille?
I thought you two broke up.
We did.
Mm, so you came
because of history.
She gets it, Ian.
Yes, but you have
to at least try
to be excited for your nephew.
I mean, he's doing his thing.
And, yes, we will definitely
miss Ray's, too.
- It meant a lot to us.
- Where we had our first date.
But, for real, I mean,
Ray's has fallen off.
Everybody knows it.
Yep, he had a C.
You know how hard it is
to get a C?
He's 83 years old.
He fell asleep
at the fryer one time,
and y'all wanna make
a big fuss.
Fuck off, Ian, and it's nice
to see you, Camille.
Mm-hmm.
You see what I gotta
deal with?
Yeah.
Thanks for trying at least.
Yep, she was definitely
eating you alive.
Uh, your mom said that
you weren't going to be here.
So, you know,
I wouldn't have come otherwise.
It's fine.
Right.
Could you pass me
a paring knife?
Oh, I know, you ain't gonna
act like you don't know
your way around this kitchen.
All the times you've been
my sous chef in here.
Give me that knife.
- Thank you.
- It smells amazing.
Taste tester, please test.
I like, except for I think
that it could take
just a little bit more
- More heat?
- There you go.
- You right.
- Yeah.
Same page,
we was always on the same page.
Not always.
The times you was right,
we was on the same page.
Ian, I know that a lot's
been said between us,
and most of it
hasn't been great.
But what's happening in Harlem
isn't your fault.
And I wanted you to know
that I am really proud of you.
You had a dream,
and you are making it happen.
I appreciate that.
We're having a tasting party
there in a few weeks.
You should come.
And look at you,
professor at Columbia, hm?
I'm proud of you, too.
It looks like we both
finally getting everything
we wanted, huh?
Yeah, totally.
So I'm gonna go find Quinn
'cause I think
I have to help her steal
her necklace back or something.
Well, I've always
been a vegan.
And it's not just about
the food for me, you know?
I make it a lifestyle.
Even our wedding will have
a negative carbon footprint.
Oh, wow!
So, wait, do you have
an eco-friendly wedding dress?
Not exactly, Vera Wang.
No, no, listen,
you want negative footprint,
it all starts with the dress.
Do you know how much
of the rainforest is destroyed
for the silk
that's in wedding gowns?
I don't I've never heard
that.
You wouldn't believe it.
You don't want that
on your conscience.
I have a friend who has an
eco-friendly fashion boutique.
- She's actually here.
- Oh, brilliant.
- I have to meet her.
- Here she is.
Hey, Quinn, this is Mira.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Quinn, you wouldn't
believe this,
but Mira needs an ethically
designed wedding dress.
Good for you, good luck.
Thank you.
I was gonna go
with a traditional designer,
but here you are.
Now, the budget is small,
mid-five figures.
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
That's less than what
I'm used to getting,
but I'm listening.
Thank you all
for coming out tonight.
It means a lot to see friends
and family here.
Harlem has been
such a huge part of my life.
And it will be hard
for us to leave it,
but our legacy remains as Ian
and my new daughter,
Mira, will be taking over
the brownstone.
My dream of the next generation
of Walkers
living here has come true.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah.
No.
They've moved on.
Everyone's moved on.
Ian and I are history.
- Baby
- Oh, cheers, Regina.
I never thought
in a million years
this is where my life
would take me.
But that is the power of love.
- Aww!
- No.
When I met this goofy man,
I thought he was dreadful.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, Aunt Tammy.
I spent years building
an image in my head
of what a husband would be.
And Ian couldn't have been
more opposite, just god-awful.
I mean,
every deal-breaker on my list.
All right,
I think they get it, baby.
My point is, when
the right one comes along,
you let go of certain rules
and go with love.
To love.
Even though I have
a strict no lies rule,
after much consideration
with the judges,
it has been determined
that romantic gestures fall
just outside the technical
definition of a lie.
Oh, I love a technicality.
But look, I I get that
I freaked you out.
It's just that real life
isn't like the movies
where perfect dates just, boom,
magically happen, you know?
They require planning,
and you gave me
about 10 minutes' notice.
Well, see,
here is no notice at all.
- You want a rematch?
- Show me no mercy.
Oh, I don't plan to.
That's a boss
right there ♪♪
What's up?
I don't
I don't know
if I can do this.
Get rice pudding?
I promise you're gonna love it.
Rice pudding is the most
underrated of all desserts.
No.
I know this is
out of nowhere,
but I can't date you.
- Wait, what?
- I'm sorry.
Well, at least you're sorry.
Why?
I don't want
to be a successful Black person
dating a white woman.
I created an app
for this very thing,
and I will feel like
a hypocrite
walking around with a
Oh, please don't finish
that sentence.
I'm in
a complicated position.
You understand that, right?
Tye, I don't think
anybody is paying attention
to who you're dating.
Trust me, they are,
and that's the difference
between the two of us.
You don't ever have to be aware
of who's paying
attention to us.
Your friends think dating me
is cool and progressive,
but for me,
it's a stamp of a sellout.
I'm not an idiot.
And I know that I have
blind spots
with certain things,
but if you are making decisions
based on what everyone else
says and thinks,
well, you're not a sellout.
You're just a coward.
I know what I know
because my man is
the greatest weatherman
in the entire
- Ooh!
- Oh, my God.
Your husband couldn't tell
the difference
between a category three
and a category five.
We should have been
in shelters, ho!
Bitch, my husband was only
two days on the job,
and he saw Katrina coming
before anybody else, okay?
That's an old storm.
You still riding off
that 'Trina success?
I bet you
he did not warn you
that there was
a chance of showers!
Ahh!
- Ooh!
- Yes!
Girl, Yolanda get up, boom!
That was silly!
You would've got dragged.
Ooh, so good!
Yolanda always up
to something.
How do you even meet
a meteorologist?
I can't believe
that a show
that goes against everything
I stand for can be so perfect.
Okay, I have to fess up.
I'm giving Jameson
another shot.
- Yay.
- Be careful, Camille.
I went against my rule
about not dating white women,
and that shit imploded
in my face.
I just hope she doesn't
take it out on me
by screwing
with my Forbes article.
Oh, after Trina
sacrificed herself!
Girl, fuck that wig!
Well, since we're sharing,
Shawn's coming over tonight.
Ooh!
If I see him twice,
is it still a one-night stand?
It's a two-night stand.
Girl, you better
keep that man around,
especially after he got you
that gig
designing Mira's wedding dress.
Oh, look, the show's back on!
- I'm a real woman
- Wait, what?
Flat earth and all, bitch!
You're working with Mira?
She asked me
to design her dress.
Babe, I know how this looks,
but I promise you
this is not personal.
It's only business.
Five figures' worth
of business.
Angie!
Yeah,
she offered me 25 grand.
I was gonna talk
to you about it
'cause you know how
the store has been doing.
And it was weird.
She was there,
and then she said it,
and it was really fast.
And what was I supposed to do,
say no?
Yes, "no" is exactly what
you say to my ex's fiancée.
That's fucked up, Camille.
I mean,
you really want me to choose
between my business
and our friendship?
Oh, no, no need.
It seems like
you already chose.
Yo, Quinn, that's fucked up.
Hold
up, hold up, hold up, okay?
Because I never even
would have needed this check
if you hadn't been so damn
stingy with your contacts.
Bitch, no.
Don't blame your shit on me.
I wasn't being stingy.
It's called being smart.
Why would I mix friends
and money?
So I can end up having someone
living off me
like Angie does you?
Hmm, do not bring me into this.
It is not my fault
that Quinn is being
a shady friend to Camille.
What?
Oh, my God!
Okay, everything is not always
about Camille!
This is not the Camille Show!
Ooh, shots fired!
No, it's not the Camille Show,
'cause Camille is out of here!
Millie
- Camille!
- Fuck this!
Make all your friends'
exes' dresses.
How could you take her side
when you did the same shit
to me?
You know what, Quinn?
Enjoy your business.
And I can see why you're not
a good businessperson,
'cause you can't even be
a good friend!
- What?
- I'm out!
Well, damn!
Thank you, Angie.
Thank you so much.
You knew I wanted
to tell Camille
when the time was right!
It's hard for me
to lie.
I do not lie well.
Can we at least
watch the end?
This is the end, thanks.
Y'all bitches are
too dramatic!
Oh
♪problems,
problems
Oh, shit, now everybody crying,
and then I don't know why!
You're my problem,
problem, baby ♪
We all got problems,
problems, baby ♪
You're my problem,
problem, baby ♪
I'm not stuck with you ♪
I just don't wanna give up
with you ♪
You rub me the right way ♪
Bring out my edges ♪
Loose cannon,
you're a renegade ♪
Make me lay
with your pretty face ♪
Dissonance and adrenaline ♪
Leaning on me
like the ocean ♪
You make me wanna
dance tough ♪
You make me throw
my hands up ♪
You make me wanna play ♪
You make me wanna rage ♪
We all got problems,
problems, baby ♪
Oh ♪
You're my problem,
problem, baby ♪
Oh, and I like it that way ♪
We all got problems,
problems, baby