Harley Quinn (2019) s03e09 Episode Script

Climax at Jazzapajizza

Bruce isn't thinking straight.
Okay? He's outside doing
something awful with Frank.
Bruce sees 10 steps ahead
of everything he does.
Whatever he's doing,
he knows it'll be safe.
You know how depressed Selina
breaking it off has made him.
Oh, please. He broke up with her.
Jesus! He's never gonna
say that he loves you, dude.
I'm slightly worried that
my extremely realistic portrayal
of his murdered father
may have played a small part in this.
Oh, wow. Is your next role
Sherlock Fucking Holmes?
Look, he's been down in the dumps,
but Bruce would never do anything
to put others in danger.
Well I can't believe
I'm about to say this.
I'd love for you all to meet
my parents.
I see how this looks.
But it's just temporary.
A few more experiments and I'm positive
I'll turn my zombie parents
back into my beloved,
very much alive parents.
Oh, I've got to get him on the pod.
Let's get you down to the lab
to see if we can extract
that plant growth hormone
so you don't become another
one of Alfred's topiaries.
- You did this.
- Bullshit.
Frank was only supposed to resurrect
dead plants, not humans.
Billionaire bitch boy
obviously altered Frank
to bring back his dead parents
instead of just, you know,
dealing with his emotions.
Whoa! And I thought I was the
psychiatrist in this relationship.
If you untie us, I won't kill Bruce
in front of his dead parents
for what he did. Deal?
What she meant is we need to
figure out how far reaching
what Bruce did goes.
Free us so we can figure
out how to stop it.
We're not letting you go. We
can deal with it ourselves.
Oh, nards!
Ah, my wrists can breathe.
What the hell are you doing?
I know it's hard to hear,
but I think Bruce messed up.
No, that, that can't be.
There's a freaking zombie horde outside.
Well, how many are there?
Hmm. I'd say five, 10, maybe
20 football fields' worth.
Oh, my God. Frank is out there.
Hey, man. Dude to dude,
I'm not in this crew.
They basically tricked me.
So leave me out of whatever justice
you're bringing them. All right?
Oh, my God.
They turned Frank into a zombie.
No. No, I was just pretending
to be one to get here safe.
Never seen a fucking zombie movie?
Yeah, she's still making her way through
the fourth season of
that pottery competition.
- You like it too.
- Yeah. Okay. True.
We might want to do something
about Frank's friends here.
Frank, what happened?
That walking definition
of white privilege
planted me directly into the root system
surrounding this house.
Roots reach out like sperms.
My shit went everywhere
bringing back all
kinds of dead assholes.
Well, how can we stop them?
All I know is stay the
fuck away from their puke.
Oh, shit. Okay, hypothetically speaking,
if, say, a friend happened
to come in contact with said vomit,
what side effects are
we looking at here?
Psycho, are you trying to tell us
that someone vomited on you?
What? No.
Like I said, hypothetical
about a Oh, fuck!
Oh, bit on the nose, even for me.
Okay. I might have gotten
a little vomit on
Fuck me in the nasal urethra!
Okay. We gotta figure
out how to reverse this
before people we actually care about
are turned into that.
So this is where I do my actual job.
I'm basically the last line of defense
Gotham has against total chaos.
I got my own spotlight.
I mean, whatever.
Mother, Father, this is your grandson.
Damian, say hello to your
soon to be completely alive
grandmama and grandpapa.
Teens, right?
Oh, right. You died when I was eight.
Well, they're a handful.
Uh, do I want to know
what's going on down there?
Nope? Okay, great.
That's great.
The zombies are headed
for Gotham Central Park.
What? Jazz Fest got
canceled three years ago,
so they rebranded it
to a three day event.
And you know what? I love jazz.
Okay? Get over it.
Wait, Frank.
Are you saying that every
dead person in Gotham
may have been brought back to life?
- It's possible.
- Ah-ha!
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have some errands to run.
I mean, it's clear the zombies
share DNA with the plants,
so there's reason to believe
that they're connected to the green.
Maybe if I just go in there,
I can find a way to control them.
No. No, no way.
The last time you went
there, you almost died.
What other choice do we have?
I hate saying this, but
the Bludhaven boner's right.
Plus, I know what to expect now.
I've got this, peanut.
Who knew confidence was my kink?
Okay, while I'm in there, you and
the bat freaks try to stall them off.
And you're delegating. Oh. I'm
gonna need to change my shorts.
Oh. God, I love you.
I know. Now, go!
All right. Which way to the Batcave?
What? What's this Batcave you speak of?
Yeah, it sounds, um, scary.
Not someplace I'd like to go.
Guys, I know Bruce is Batman.
Bruce Vilanch is Batman?
Oh. Wow. Jokes and crime fighting.
What a guy!
Oh. For fuck's sake.
I was just in his head.
He literally told me.
So you can either keep this shit up
or we can go and save Gotham.
Fine, this way.
Remember, Harley, you're in the Batwing,
which means you're representing
This is awesome.
Now let's go stop
these undead dickheads.
We got this, Ive.
All right. You got this.
You know, I'm psyched
for Jazzapajizza too.
If these zombies
stop me from seeing a jazz legend
go off on his flugelhorn,
I'll lose my shit.
You better hurry your ass up, Ivy.
Pamela, wait.
Alec, I'm kind of in
the middle of something.
So if you need to talk,
maybe Nora is available.
I'm here for you.
You know what? I appreciate
the support on that. Thank you.
I can feel your conflict inside.
I'm sorry. What are you talking about?
The conflict of who the real
you is. Good versus evil.
Which are you?
The green can give you immense power.
Power that would make
it easy for you to help
or hurt this world,
to complete any plan you can imagine.
I implore you to use it for good.
Even a plan that was ruined
by a selfish billionaire?
Um, yeah.
Oh, boy, I biffed that speech.
I think now would be a great
time to figure your shit out.
We are seeing that flugelhorn phenom!
Okay. That's not that many zombies.
Oh, shit.
Hey, Harley, wait a second.
Are you in the Batwing?
Yeah. Long story.
Are you in the middle of some
ceremonial crap or something?
Yeah. Long story. What's up?
Gotham's swarming with zombies.
Ivy's in Wayne Manor,
stuck in the green,
I need you to make sure she's okay.
Oh, you can count on me.
All right, let's see
what this bad boy can do.
Hey, where the hell are the missiles
or machine guns on this?
- There are none.
- And why is that?
We decided, as a family,
we don't believe in killing.
What, anyone?
What if it's Gwyneth Paltrow
and she's, like, eating a baby?
You know, or like a massive asshole.
Not even massive butt holes.
Saying butt hole's so much worse.
It paints a gross picture.
Whoa! Ivy, you dramatic motherfucker!
What the hell happened in there?
I found this energy, this
power and I entered it.
I became a part of it and
it became a part of me,
and it felt amazing,
like getting a massage on mushrooms,
and also I realized I can
pull off a kitten heel.
Okay. Okay, but what's
with all the zombies?
I can control them.
Make them do Beyonce's
sick dance from homecoming.
I want to see these fools
pantomime all the horns.
I think that's maybe
like too much to ask.
But how about this?
God damn, you need to get out.
All right. Let's stop the rest.
No. This is still my plan.
It's not exactly how I saw it going,
but they're out creating
Eden with their vomit.
I can remake the city
exactly as I envisioned it.
That's not what you told Harley.
Maybe check with her first.
Oh, she's gonna understand.
She wants this as much as I do.
Now, let's go
terraform this motherfucker.
No. Stop it, zombies. Stop tickling.
Get away from me! Oh, that was too much.
Ivy? Ivy!
I told you guys to wait downstairs.
I'm just grabbing a snack.
What are you doing in my house?
Wait, watch out.
There are two zombies right behind you.
Those are my parents.
Well, they're zombies, but
they won't be much longer.
I know how this looks,
but I'm not crazy.
I just want to bring my
zombie parents back to life.
And what are you doing in my house?
I was in here to help.
Do you know what's going on out there?
- Jazzapajizza.
- Zombie apocalypse.
Wait. There are more
undead than just my parents?
Oh, yeah. Look, I'm not judging.
We all handle grief differently.
I mean, I've been off this whole year
since my dad died, and we
weren't even that close.
I can't concentrate.
I've barely been journaling
and I killed another one of my brothers.
Anyway, look, it takes time
to process these things.
Although, didn't your
parents die like a while ago?
Is 30 years a while?
Okay. Now I am judging.
It feels like you should be
much further along than this.
I mean, you're obsessed about the past
and missing out on the present
and also starting a zombie apocalypse.
Is it that bad?
Oh, my God, it's the end of the world.
Gotham's falling. We're all gonna die.
Give me your pen. I
wanna slit my throat.
What have I done?
I think your dad just ate your cat.
And that cat looked expensive.
Hey, look at me out here
with you two just saving the
world like a big old nerd.
As soon as Ivy has
control of those zombies
we'll have Gotham
cleaner than ever. Whoo!
So how many of these do we need?
All of them.
What the hell?
Harley, what's going on?
It's like they found a purpose.
They're destroying everything.
Wait, not everything.
Mama Macaroni's?
Thank you.
How are we doing tonight?
All right. Yeah. All right.
Our next act was booked last year.
But then some crazy
clown went a bit extreme
and got Jazzapajizza cancelled.
My bad.
Anyway, it's my pleasure to introduce
Joey Q and Centri-Flugel Force.
Jeez, that's tortured.
Musicians can get
folks to scream in a way
I always tried to
achieve but I never could.
Hey, nobody touches Joey Q
and the Centri-Flugel Force.
Zombies and plants, ghouls and greens,
it is my pleasure to introduce to you
the Vine Vixen, the Lady of
Leaves, your one and only queen,
Dr. Pamela Ivy.
Hello, Gotham. Thank you. Thank you.
Yes. Looking sexy tonight.
Look, for too long, humans have
killed us for their convenience.
Cutting us down to build their homes
or so they can feed their
unhealthy lust for meat
or taking a passing interest
in greening up their homes,
only to lose that
interest, letting us die
unloved in a corner.
They spit on us and piss on us.
It's time for us to spit back.
For today, we announce to the world
that Gotham City is going green.
Get somewhere safe, Bats.
Oh. What the hell are you doing, Ive?
What the hell is going on?
It's Ivy.
Oh, shit.
- We have to take her out.
- By any means necessary.
What happened to no killing things?
Sometimes we're forced
to make exceptions.
All right, let's do this.
Wait, wait. Please,
just let me talk to Ivy.
Harley, I know you love her,
but I think we're past talking.
She will listen to me.
I know it. Please give me 10 minutes
and this will all be figured out.
Fine, but hurry the hell up.
Hey, hey, she's good. She's with me.
Holy shit, Ive, you look hot as hell!
And I was so wrong
about the kitten heel.
Right? I know. I was like, "What?"
It took me by surprise, too.
So, um, how you doing?
Honestly. Amazing.
I just have never felt
better about myself
than I do right now. I
mean, Harley, we're doing it.
Uh-huh. And what exactly is "it"?
Our plan.
Look. We're turning Gotham into Eden.
Mmm. I don't know if this was,
like, totally what the plan was.
No, I mean, it's not
exactly what we talked about.
Bruce fucked that up.
But then I realized I can salvage it,
call an audible and still basically
get the end result that we wanted.
Look, the old me would have given up,
but, Harls, you, you helped
me awaken the real me.
I mean, don't you see?
You, no matter what, believed in me
and finally showed me
how to believe in myself.
You are the best thing that has
ever happened to me on every level.
I love you so much.
And after this,
everything will be perfect.
Ivy, I'm
I am so happy you found that confidence
I always knew was inside of you
and it makes me happier than anything.
But this, this is wrong.
It is not what we talked about.
Wait, what? What do you mean?
Like, this is Eden. This is our plan.
- Our dream.
- Innocent people are dying.
That was not part of the plan.
Well, Harley, plans change.
You know, like, that's what I'm doing.
This is what I want.
I'm sorry that you can't get on board,
but I'm following through.
Something I always thought
that you wanted me to do.
Dear God! Why?
I thought I was over this.
Calm down.
Call Cherise.
She said to do this for
any therapy emergency.
Cherise, I know you said not to
approach you outside of sessions.
But I am having a therapy emergency.
Ivy, I love you and
this might be your Eden,
but it's not mine.
Harley, you sacrificed yourself for me?
I can finally forgive you and move on.
Forget the stupid pasta maker.
It's just Selina breaking it off
and that movie about my dad.
I'm usually so good at
pushing my emotions down,
but this left me with an
excruciating emptiness.
Oh. It sounds like a
tough couple of weeks.
Sure has been.
I just missed my parents so much
and thought bringing them back
would give me the closure I needed.
I didn't think it would
lead to a zombie apocalypse.
It's an honest mistake.
But as much as I wish it wasn't true,
my parents are dead.
I can't change that.
But I can fix this.
Wait. You don't have to.
No, I do.
I brought all this upon the city.
It's my cross to bear.
Ironic, isn't it?
I spent the last 30 years
mourning the loss of my parents,
and I'll spend the next 30
grieving their second death at my hands.
Are you sure? Because
I'll do it for you.
You know, I'd really appreciate that.
Uh, you're going to want to
look away and cover your ears.
Harley, why did you do this?
I can't, I can't change
you back without
Without undoing everything.
Oh. Thank God I was
I was hoping that was how it worked,
but I didn't know exactly what
the plant magic rules were.
Are you okay?
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