Harvey Beaks (2015) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Harvey Harvey Harvey Please leave me alone.
You're fun to hang with.
Whoa.
- Yeah! Whoo! - Oh, yeah! Whoo.
Here wego! I got lift.
- Hey, Harvey.
- Hey, Foo.
What are we doing? Running? Riding bikes.
You want to join us? - Yes! - Oh, I don't know.
- I've got enough cardio for today.
- Yeah, I gotta go too.
I got a date with, like, 50 ladies, you know.
I gotta go get ready.
Oh.
Guess I'll just go play with my stick.
No, man, you're my best friend.
- I'd love to ride bikes with you.
- Really? Sure.
So grab your bike and let's get our ride on! I don't have a bike, so, I'm just gonna have to hop on the back of yours.
Oh, no! What are you doing? I was getting ready to ride a bike.
Duh.
Uh, I think we should get you your own bike.
Harvey, that would be amazing.
Well, if we're going to get you a bike, this is the place to go.
I want one with a bell and a basket and three wheels and How many wheels does a bike have again? - Usually two.
- Cool.
First, we need to find the shopkeep.
Oh, hello.
Uh, welcome to Randl's Rentls.
Everything in here is mine.
I found it.
It's mine.
I rent it.
You don't own it.
It's only out temporarily.
It's mine.
What do you want? I would like to rent a bike for my good friend here.
- And if it's possible - Speed bike! With two wheels.
Whoa there! You want to rent my stuff? Well, then you gotta follow my rules.
Randl, you're gonna scare these nice girls away.
Quiet, Ma! I'm sorry about her.
- She won't live in a home.
- I raised you wrong.
You're the one scaring away the customers, Ma.
Uh, actually, you wouldn't be interested in renting a nice, elderly lady, would you? Whaat? We'll just take the bike if that's okay.
Hey, don't touch anything.
This is my favorite, favorite bike.
20 bucks.
I've got 16 ones and a silver dollar my grandma gave to me for my birthday.
- This is all my money in the world.
- Leave it on the floor.
Great.
Come on, Foo, we're leaving.
Okay, bye, lady.
It's perfect, Harvey.
It's perfect.
Now we just have to grab my bike and we'll be all set.
Uh, are bikes supposed to do that? - Is there a problem? - Hi.
Yes.
Um, I think this bike may be defective.
Well, you should've rented the bolts that hold the bike together.
Ah, corn-bucket! Well, I guess we won't ride bikes together.
No, you know what? I'm not ready to give up on this yet! One way or another, Foo, today we are gonna get you a bike.
- But how? - I don't know! - Let's ask Fee.
- Just steal it.
- We haven't even told you our problem.
- Okay, shoot.
Well, Randl won't give us the bike even though we - Just steal it.
- Sounds like a plan.
But we can't just steal a bike.
That's crazy, right? He's right.
If we're going back, we should steal an even better one.
Listen, dude, you already paid for the bike, right? - It's only stealing if you keep it.
- I guess that's true.
Grandma did say not to waste my birthday money.
- So what's the plan? - I don't know.
But whatever it is, it's gonna be really, really, really good.
Hello.
Hello.
My husband and I are looking for some fine jewelry.
You kids can't have the bike back.
We are conducting a survey on local businesses.
Wait, which one of you is supposed to be the wife? - Is it you or you? - Uh, he is.
Wait.
Harvey, it's me, Foo, I forgot the plan again! Just sneak off and go find the bikes in the back.
I'll stall him.
Be sure to get the one with the bolts this time.
Right! Hehe.
So do you come here often? - This is my store.
- Oh, right.
Uh I have to go use the little woman's room? You know I can see you walking over to the bikes.
And now you're taking one off the rack.
Now you're heading towards the fire exit.
And now you're leaving the store.
Wow! These disguises really worked.
- I love being a girl! - No, Foo, I'm the girl, remember? Hey! I can see you out there.
You've got five seconds to bring that bike back or I'll come get it myself.
- And you don't want that.
- Foo, get on the bike! I'll hop on the pegs and we'll head to my house.
But I don't know how to ride a bike.
You drive it.
I can't! I don't have my helmet.
- I never ride without it.
- Then - we'll ride to your house and get it.
- Do you not get how this works? I see you guys arguing.
I'm coming over.
Come on, let's go.
I'll just have to teach you to ride a bike.
Okay! Let's hide here.
I think we're in the clear.
Let's try again.
Hands go here.
Feet go here.
And one last thing.
Now concentrate and find your center of gravity.
I feel alive inside! Am I moving? Kinda.
No worries.
Aah! Okay, Foo, try it again.
Just like I showed you.
- I can't do it, Harvey.
- Yes, you can, man.
You've got this! - We're dead, Harvey.
We're dead! - Hold up! Time to back off you cheapskate nut-job.
Go and ride bikes, dudes.
- I'll take care of this guy.
- Thanks, Fee.
Okay, you raccooned piece of dumb.
Do your worst.
I slowed him down for you.
Come on! Go, go, go! Get on your bike.
Hop on your bike.
Get up! Get up! Get up! Go, go, go, go! They're close.
You two better give it up.
I'm not afraid to throw a pair of kids in jail.
You wouldn't be the first ones.
That was close.
We gotta figure out a way to outrun Randl.
Maybe something involving glue? - Huh - Harvey, listen.
I don't want you to go to jail.
I'm the one that got you into this.
You've done so much for me.
You even dressed up like a really pretty girl.
You are so pretty, Harvey.
You're a really very good friend.
But maybe I'm just more of a stick kind of guy, you know.
Riding bikes sounds really, really, really cool, but not if it means getting you in trouble.
Foo, that's it! I think I figured out a way we could get your bike ride after all.
We'll just have to get to the top of that hill.
Once we do that, it'll be all downhill from Give me back my bike.
Ah, my tassels! Ah.
- My bike.
- Foo, we're gonna make it.
Yeah - Ready, Foo? - So ready.
I believe in you, dude.
Ahh! Bike! Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off! Aah! Here's your bolt back, mister.
- Yay! - Go, Foo, go! See you're riding.
No.
We're riding.
Ow, ugh, unh, ugh We did it.
Ah, you two look really hurt.
But I still need my bike back.
Ow.
You know what? Take it.
I promised my friend we'd ride together today, and Whoa.
I stood up too fast.
We regret nothing! Right, Foo? - Foo? Uh-oh.
- That was the best ride I've ever had! Thanks, Harvey.
Hey, mister, you can take the bikes back now.
All right, pleasure doing business with you.
Hey, wait, one of those is mine Oh, well Come on, I know some even more bigger hills back that way.
Okay, first, we gotta find our center of gravity.
- Harvey? - Coming! Hey, Perry Perry, I have something for you.
- Happy Valentine's Day.
- Oh, my gosh! Claire, that is the best Valentine's card I've ever seen.
Really? My mom said I cut it crooked.
No.
It's perfect.
I've got something for you too.
- Ta-da.
- Oh, wow.
- That's very thoughtful.
- Here, I really want you to embrace it.
Oh Gosh, I love Valentine's Day.
Do you guys like my Cupid wings? - My mom helped me make 'em.
- Your mom rules.
You guys ready to get some love and cards and candy and love and sweetness and hugs? - Knock on the stinkin' door already.
- I want candy.
Oh, hey, Harvey.
Happy Valentine's Day.
- Hey, Mikey.
- Happy Valentine's Day! Whoa! I come bearing a Valentine's Day gift from me to you.
Wow! Thanks, Harvey.
This is awesome.
I inhaled a lot of glitter.
But it was worth it.
Here, I made this for you.
- Look, I made you one too.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, I made it with real bugs.
- Happy Valentine's.
I made this for you.
Bleh.
This piece is the best tasting one.
- For you.
- Um, thanks? All right, see ya.
Hey, don't worry, guys.
He's probably getting your Valentine's goodies right now.
Oh, hey, Harvey, what's up? Oh, yeah, you forgot to give Fee and Foo their Valentine's.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I don't have cards or anything for them because I don't really like them.
So anyway bye.
- Whaaat? - Oh.
That's okay.
I guess this day really isn't for us after all.
I hate Valentine's Day.
Hang in there, guys.
I'm know the next house is going to have a bunch of Valentine's for you two.
- I can feel it in my little Cupid wings.
- That's easy for you to say.
You already have so many.
Foo and me still have sacks full of nothin'.
Yeah, mine's still pretty empty, except I found this old shoe.
- But I think I put it there.
- Guys, Valentine's is so cool.
It's about love and being nice to each other and kissing if you're old enough.
Valentine's isn't about love.
It's about stuff.
Everyone wants cute cards and candy.
- But somebody always gets left out.
- Will you be my Valentine? Oh The whole Valentine's Day thing is rotten.
- We need a new day, a darker day.
- You mean like night? No, an Anti-Valentine's Day.
A wha-wha-what? Everyone just likes to get cards.
They don't care what they say.
Whoa.
I can feel what you're writing.
Are you really going to give that to someone? Um, yeah.
Happy Anti-Valentine's Day, Mikey.
I made you something.
You think I smell like farts? - Yes.
Now you make a card for me.
- Uh, okay.
- Here you go.
- "You are a butt.
" Look, Foo, we got a card! - We did? - Yeah! It says we're butts.
We are? - Thanks, Mikey! - Yeah.
Thanks, Mikey.
Sure, happy Anti-Valentine's Day.
My first real card.
Anti-Valentine's Day rules.
- Yeah! - Hey, guys, wait for me.
I wonder if I have any Oh! Oh, my gosh.
A Valentine's.
Harvey, was this you, man? Oh, Harvey, you sneak.
What?! Is this some kind of sick joke? This card claims that I "smell like old feet," which is insane.
People stop me on the street just to tell me I smell like mint because I brush my teeth daily.
So this entire thing is completely false.
Hey, we all got cards like that.
It's supposed to be funny.
- Who is responsible for this? - We are! Happy Anti-Valentine's Day.
There's nothing happy about this note.
I don't smell weird at all.
Harvey's my witness and he totally agrees.
Actually, Dade, you kinda smell like I want to say hotdogs.
Kids of Little Bark Grove, I come with a message.
Valentine's Day bites.
Aah! Who want sappy card that don't mean squat? Uh, not me.
Why don't we give each other fun cards? - I like fun cards.
- Yeah! Farts are fun! Telling people what's wrong with them is fun.
Boo-ya! Ha-ha! I just snorted.
I can't read but I'll cherish this.
- Who's with me? - I don't know.
Harvey, you're the king of Valentine's Day.
What do you think? Yeah, Harvey, you tell 'em what you think.
Uh well - Yeah.
I like it.
- Long live Anti-Valentine's Day! My eyes! "Your head looks like a butt with a wig on it.
" "This is you.
" "No.
" Oh, hey there, Francois, I have a card for you.
Oh, wait, no.
Maybe this is too mean.
Okay, um Happy Anti-Valentine's Day! You having fun over there, Foo? I have so many cards that I built an igloo out of them.
I can fit my whole body in here.
- Hey, you okay there, buddy? - Yeah, I'm okay.
It's just that everyone stopped giving me cards.
I think I'm writing mine wrong or something.
Let me see.
"Sometimes you seem grouchy, but you mean well, and you're probably just tired.
So I hope you get more rest soon, because you deserve it.
Love, Harvey.
" Harvey, this is way too nice.
No wonder no one has given you cards.
You have to write something dumb or rude.
Um, okay.
- So something like this? - Harvey, come on.
Just write the rudest thing you can think of.
- Toenails? - Ruder.
- Two toenails.
- No, not toenails.
I want you to look in the deepest, darkest part of your soul.
Okay, but it's not a pretty place.
Eh.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Foo, look what Harvey wrote.
- I thought I knew you, Harvey.
- I know, right? Now go give this to somebody special.
I I Hey, hon, do you know where the scissors are? I was making you a Valentine and I got glued to my Oh, my gosh! Why would you say that to your mother?! Don't look, Egg.
You go to your room, young man! You are grounded! But, Mom, it's funny because it's slightly true.
It's all in the spirit of the holiday.
No! No! Please wait! Oh! Ow.
Hey, Harvey.
I've been looking for ya.
How come you're in your room? Mom didn't like the rude card, so Dad grounded me.
Are you an idiot? You weren't supposed to give it to your mom.
You told me to give it to someone special! Maybe this holiday isn't for people like me.
Harvey, I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
It just felt nice not being left out for once.
I know.
But I I just want to be alone.
Come with us.
- We're here.
- This is where rude kids go.
What? Nooo! I'm sorry.
I don't want to go down the hole.
There's so many things I haven't gotten to do yet.
I haven't had pizza with pineapple.
Okay, go on.
Do it.
I deserve it.
Huh? "I'm a lumpy buttface?" - You sure are! - I don't get it.
You're gonna insult me and then throw me in the hole? No, Harvey, we were thinking something more like this.
Happy Anti-Valentine's Day! What's up, Lumpy butt.
- Look, I'm a zombie Cupid? - Wait.
What? - Huh? - It's a party, dummy.
Look! I still don't understand.
Fee explained the whole "new holiday" thing to us.
And then we felt bad for grounding you.
So we're having a party instead.
We get it.
It's fun to be rude sometimes.
Just please don't ever write anything like that again.
- It was disturbing.
- Oh.
Okay.
Oh.
Hold on.
A box full of broccoli and office supplies? What? You guys You know what? This holiday is pretty swell.
I love everyone so much!!! Man, Harvey, you just don't get it at all.