Hawkeye (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

Never Meet Your Heroes

1 (MUSIC PLAYING) WOMAN: Needed their signatures.
MAN: I'm telling you, it's not a problem.
We just have to wait a little longer.
The market's gonna turn around and everything will be fine.
We have to sell the penthouse.
We don't.
- That's, that's - What? An actual solution? Maybe growing up in this place, you got used to the idea that a solution will just fall out of the sky.
But it won't.
You've got a daughter to think of.
I've got it under control, Eleanor.
(SIGHS) Do you want to? Who are we kidding? You go.
(SIGHS) (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Kate? Coming in.
You shouldn't eavesdrop.
Then how would I know what you're saying when I'm not there? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I don't know how to argue with that.
How much did you hear? I don't want to move.
That much, huh? - We don't have to.
- How do you know? Mommy said things don't just fall from the sky.
Well, yeah, but there's always gonna be weather.
Some people forget the one thing they can control, the choices they make in the face of it.
What would you do in a hurricane? I would do what I always do.
Protect you.
Now, why don't you go have some lunch with your mom? Think fast.
I'll be downstairs in my office.
ELEANOR: Mommies can be pretty fun, too, you know.
I bet you didn't know I could do this.
(LAUGHING) Made you smile.
Come on.
Why don't you go grab the Checkers? We can liven things up.
- All right.
- Yeah? Okay, I'm going downstairs, I'll be right back.
KATE: Okay.
(WHOOSHING) (SOFT THUD) (EXPLOSION) Mommy! (PANTING) Mommy? Mommy, what's happening? Mommy! Daddy, where are you? (BREATHING HEAVILY) Dad? Dad.
Daddy, where are you? (YELPS) Mommy! - (CRASHING) - (SCREAMS) (CHITAURI GROWLS) (SHRIEKS) (HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING) ELEANOR: Kate! We have to get out of here.
Is Daddy okay? (YELLS) Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy! (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) MAN: I'm so sorry, my dear.
(KATE CRYING) What if they come back? They won't come back.
How do you know? Because the heroes showed them what would happen.
And even though this is scary, I'm still the luckiest woman in the world because I have the greatest little girl in the world.
Who is not that little.
I need to protect us.
(INHALES SHAKILY) Kate, that's my job.
Okay? Whatever you need, I'm here for you.
I need a bow and arrow.
If we get caught, you're definitely gonna be kicked off the archery team.
Yeah, I know.
But a bet's a bet, Greer.
Okay, so the real question.
Does the bell swing back and forth, or does the dangly thingy in the middle swing back and forth? JANE: It's obviously the bell.
See? I would disagree.
I think it's the dangly thingy.
JANE: Nice outfit by the way, Kate.
Yeah, well, sometimes, you gotta dress the part.
JANE: I know it's a bet, but are you sure that arrow won't damage it? No.
(BOW CREAKING) (BELL DINGS) (SCOFFS) Well, that was a bit of a letdown.
Okay, you know what, just hang on.
Hang on.
Let me just fix this.
Give me a second.
- (WIND WHISTLING) - (BOW CREAKING) (HEART BEATING) (BELL TOLLING) (LAUGHING) Oh, my God! That was amazing! Wow! Nice, Kate.
(METAL GROANING) That's fine.
(CREAKING) Right? I mean, it gives it character.
All the most famous bells have cracks in them.
(CRACKING LOUDLY) All right, that's, uh, that's not great.
But it could be worse.
- (RUMBLING) - (GLASS SHATTERS) This is bad.
MALE GUARD: Hold it! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) (WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS PLAYING) We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy new year CHORUS: (SINGING) Help us win Save us all from the state we're in Things look dark but I know this can't be the end CHORUS: There's a future I know that With the strength you bring us we'll rise again Avengers unite 'cause we've got to hear you say - I could do this all day - Save the City Save us all from the state we're in The Hulk is incredible smashing things up While Iron Man takes to the sky Captain America's strong and that Thor is a god And Lord knows they're easy on the eyes Black Widow's a knockout who can knock you out And when Ant-Man flies you won't hear a sound (MUSIC FADES) (MUFFLED) LILA: (DISTORTED) Dad? Dad? (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) Did you turn your hearing aid off? No, honey, I know what happens.
I was there.
You know who wasn't there? Is that guy.
The battle's just begun BLACK WIDOW: We'll conquer the Chitauri Then get shawarma when we're done Just how are we to fight them? You look pretty cool though.
That's a plus.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Then Natasha, that's your cue Then Hawkeye, hit the bullseye there's no better shot than you Tony, you've got nukes to catch be careful not to crash And Hulk you know the magic word is CHORUS: Hulk you know the magic word is Hulk, you know the magic word is Smash.
Smash CHORUS: City's trashed when you take your bow We'll blame you then but you're good for now Avengers unite 'cause we've got to hear you say I'll be right back.
Got to hear you got to hear you, got to hear you say I could do this all day I could do this all day (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (MUFFLED CHEERING) - Hmm.
- (DOOR OPENS) Oh, uh, a selfie would be really rad, dude.
My kids would flip.
I mean, you're their absolute favorite.
Yeah, uh Now's not really the appropriate time.
- Hey, are you okay? - Oh, hey, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, just wanted to come out for some, uh Some fresh air, is all.
You know it's fine if you don't wanna watch the show.
I mean I know everyone misses her, but she was your best friend.
It's Come here, baby.
This whole thing is a bit ridiculous, isn't it? A lot ridiculous.
- The Hulk part was great.
- Yeah, I liked the Hulk.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, Lila.
Hey, guys! What's up? What are you doing here? Why is everyone singing and dancing about everything? (LAUGHING) I don't know.
But it's Christmas in New York.
And we're out of here.
Right? - Yeah.
- Let's go.
- NATHANIEL: All right.
- Let's show Mom what she's missing.
- Come on, bud.
- Uh, are you in the city? - KATE: Yeah, I, uh, I am.
I was gonna stop by my place and then come see you.
ELEANOR: Will you come here first, please? Jack's over.
I want to talk to you about something.
KATE: Okay, uh, okay.
I'll, uh, see you soon, Mom.
How's it going? Good? Wife, kids, all good? Wonderful, wonderful, Merry Christmas! (ELEVATOR DINGS) (CLEARS THROAT) - ELEANOR: Hi, sweetie.
- KATE: Hi, Mom.
There you are.
Oh, you look amazing.
What are we looking all fancy for? Charity auction.
- Ugh.
- I know, right? All those poor people and nonprofits relying on the more fortunate.
That is not what I meant and you know it.
As much as I love having you home for the holidays, I'm not thrilled that I'm about to replace an irreplaceable clock tower.
It was a bell tower.
The Dean said it had a bell and a clock, and overachiever that you are, you managed to destroy both.
What can I do to make it better, Mom? I started by cancelling your credit cards, and we're going to have a much longer talk about this tower that you destroyed, without joking.
I know young people think they're invincible, and rich people think they're invincible and you've always been both.
So take it from someone who hasn't, you're not.
You will get hurt.
So please, don't go out looking for it.
Sorry, Mom.
You get that from your father, you know.
Why don't you start making it up to me by putting on that red dress in your bedroom and coming with me tonight? All right, well, um, on another note, I got a new one for the case.
Open Martial Art Championship.
You're amazing.
I still remember when you got your black belt at 15.
We might have to retire some from when you were little to make room.
Huh? - I like those.
- ELEANOR: I do, too, hon.
I do, too.
What's with all the swords, Mom? Hon, uh, there have been a few changes while you were away this semester.
Ta-da! KATE: Jack? JACK: Oh.
(CHUCKLES) What an unexpected surprise.
All surprises are unexpected.
That can't be right.
Is it? Nice to see you again, Katie.
That was in your mouth.
(CHUCKLES) So it was.
We cannot be late, so go change.
Meet us at the hotel and we'll talk there.
Okay? - Shall we? - Let's.
We'll see you at the party.
ELEANOR: See you there, honey.
Lots more to talk about.
You look like a maniac.
(LAUGHS) You're a total crazy person.
(LAUGHING) Is anybody else hungry? For some more, like, some more crabs or maybe get four more crabs? - What do you think? - Yes.
I could eat three.
- No.
- COOPER: Come on, Dad, you ordered food for 30 people.
You're going to puke if you have any more.
And if he pukes, you two are cleaning it up.
I'm not cleaning it up.
Hey, you know what? You know what's right down the street? The Christmas tree.
The biggest one you'll see in your life.
It's enormous! You guys want to go see that after this? - Yeah! - Yeah! Let's go.
- (PHONE BUZZES) - Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Momma callin'.
Momma's calling.
Say "Hi!" - Hi, Mom! - Hi, Momma! Hey, guys! How are ya? I miss you so much! - We miss you, too.
- LAURA: (OVER PHONE) How was the show? It was, uh It's over.
It was big.
- We left halfway through.
- There you go.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, no! You guys all good? BARTON: Uh, yeah, it'd be easier if you were here.
I'd be less likely to strangle these kids.
LAURA: The whole point was for you to spend time with the kids.
No, I'm kidding.
We're actually having a really good time.
- We miss you.
- I miss you.
- I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow.
- LILA: Bye, Mom! - LILA: Bye, Mom! Love you! - Bye, Mom.
- Talk to you later.
See you soon.
- NATHANIEL: Bye-bye.
Well, look, it's six days until Christmas, okay? We're gonna do a lot of activities.
What's your favorite one? - Um, gingerbread house.
- We're doing that! What do you got? Uh, Christmas movie marathon.
Movie marathon, awesome! - Uh, ugly sweaters.
- Ugly Christmas sweaters! We have to decorate the tree.
There's a thousand things to do.
It's going to be amazing, but most important thing, we're going to do it all together.
Not holding their hands.
Hold your brothers' hands.
I love you guys.
Love you, too.
It's going to be the best Barton Christmas ever! All right? - Please.
- Yeah.
Dinner is on us.
- Thank you.
- Oh, that's, that's not necessary.
It's necessary.
You saved our city.
Thank you.
LILA: Thank you, sir.
- NATHANIEL: Thank you! - COOPER: Thank you.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Uh, get back to work.
(ELEANOR LAUGHING) (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - Excuse me dear, would you - Sorry, I'm not a waitress.
You're the little Bishop girl.
Yes, I am.
- Armand.
Armand Duquesne.
- Ah.
You used to come to my brownstone for brunch.
Oh, build your own blintz bar.
You know, it's unfair.
I never looked that good in a tuxedo in my life.
I'd appreciate it if you wear something a little more lady-like for the wedding, so we won't be competing.
What wedding? You don't know? Eleanor and Jack.
Oh! Those secretive little love birds! (ARMAND CHUCKLES) - WAITER: Can I offer you some champagne? - Thank you! Believe me, I've done everything in my power to talk him out of it.
When he gets something set in that little mind of his, he can be quite determined.
Seems like he won the jackpot.
You think so? So does he.
I'm not so sure.
(LAUGHING) Armand, I wanna go home.
I'm bored.
That's no way to talk, Armand.
That's not the way you were brought up.
Come and say hello to Miss Bishop.
Another Armand, I see.
I'm Armand the third and he's Armand the seventh.
I believe that's quite sufficient.
(INHALES) Well, uh, I'm gonna make my excuses because it seems that you need to have a chat with your prize of a mother.
Come on, Armand.
Come on, boy! (ELEANOR LAUGHING) You're engaged? Oh, well, I guess the beans are out of the bag.
(CHUCKLES) Well, can we have a little moment? Oh, of course, it's almost time for my other engagement anyway.
(KATE CLEARS THROAT) Babe, I'm sorry, I'm sorry you found out this way.
I don't know, Mom, this is just like - Fast.
- Yeah, yeah, it's fast, yes.
But, you know, it's kind of nice being swept up in the romance of it.
Is there a part of you that could be happy for me? Yes.
Yes, Mom, of course.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you first.
I'm sorry.
- I'm going to get some air, Mom.
- I understand.
- Come back and find me, okay? - KATE: Yeah.
- (DOG WHIMPERS) KATE: Heck of a party, huh? (HORN HONKS) ARMAND III: I should've known that this empire of yours would be built on a lie.
ELEANOR: By myself from the ground up.
So whatever you think you saw is not true.
ARMAND III: Don't insult my intelligence.
ELEANOR: You're frankly insulting us both.
- I know what I saw.
- You are all just Don't you try that on me.
I gave you an opportunity to explain yourself.
ELEANOR: I don't want to argue with you.
I've got powerful friends, too.
The kind you don't want to mess with.
Armand! See you at Christmas dinner.
Mom, what was that about? Is that guy threatening you? I honestly I have no idea.
Why are you lurking in the hallways? - KATE: I was outside getting air.
- Come back to the party.
- KATE: Okay.
All right.
- Okay.
- KATE: Be right there.
- ELEANOR: All right.
- Be right back.
- Okay.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) WOMAN: Gary wants you to bring these down, right away.
- Just these two? - These two.
MALE AUCTIONEER: Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated, and we will begin.
I've reached my breaking point with your fiancée.
Things are about to get very ugly.
Why don't we leave Eleanor alone, you old goat.
MALE AUCTIONEER: For our first item of the evening, we will be traveling back in time.
We'll start the bidding for this magnificent skull at $2 million.
Do I hear $2 million? Bidder bidder, two-point-one.
I got $2 million, do I hear two-point-one? Two-point-one, thank you so much, sir.
Do I hear two-point-two? - Do I hear two-point-two? - Excuse me? Hey, excuse me! Oh, perfect! - Oh.
- Great.
I was supposed to be the only one working here.
Gary? Gary sent me to work here.
So maybe if you want to bother Gary You're doing great.
Two million seven, now two million eight.
I've got two million seven right here, going once.
I've got two-point-seven going twice.
Sold for $2.
7 million.
Thank you.
And I will remind you that this is for home display only.
And you have no idea where you got it.
(GUESTS CHUCKLING) MAN: Who told you to come down here? Gary.
I'm Gary.
What's your name? You see that's the problem, Gary, you don't even know my name.
You know, uh, this is, this is not gonna work out.
I quit.
You can't quit.
Hold on.
Where did she go? Excuse me.
(MEN SPEAKING RUSSIAN) MAN 2: Come on, let's go.
Don't forget your positions.
MAN 3: Mine's on the left.
MAN 4: Yeah, bro.
MAN 2: Get ready.
MALE AUCTIONEER: Up next, we have a very special piece.
An artifact recovered from the wreckage of the Avengers compound.
Now you may recall the Ronin decimated the criminal underworld of the city, almost completely annihilating the status and power of the head of organized crime.
The Ronin brought a brutal form of justice to his victims, and his identity continues to remain a mystery to this very day.
Now you can own this one-of-a-kind retractable sword, and we'll start the bidding at $200,000.
Do I hear $200,000? $200,000, bidder bidder, do I hear $250,000? $250,000, thank you, sir.
Do I hear $300,000? $300,000, looking for $350,000.
What are you doing, you dope? I'm buying that sword.
You don't have 300 grand.
No, but I'll inherit it one day, won't I? - $350,000.
- $350,000, right here in the front.
Do we go to $400,000? Let's go to four.
Four, thank you so much.
At $400,000, do I hear $450,000? (MAN 3 SPEAKING RUSSIAN) MAN 2: Moving to two.
MAN 3: Okay, everybody ready? MALE AUCTIONEER: $440,000, do I hear $450,000? $450,000 up front.
Looking for $475,000.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen.
This sword belonged to the infamous Ronin.
$475,000, bidder bidder, do I hear $500,000? I've got $475,000 here, it's going once.
$475,000 is going twice.
Sold for $475,000.
Up next, we have lot number 3-0-9.
The companion piece, the Ronin suit.
- (EXPLOSION) - (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (RUMBLING) (ALARM BLARING) (INDISTINCT MURMURING) (JACK COUGHS) (MAN 1 SPEAKING RUSSIAN) Help! Please help! Security! WOMAN: We're stuck in here! MAN 4: We've got 90 seconds to find the watch.
Everything else is secondary.
MAN 3: Let's go, bro.
- (COUGHS) - MAN 3: Spread out.
Let's go, let's go.
MAN 4: Find the watch! (WOMAN SCREAMS, CRYING) MAN 1: Where is it? Where is it? MAN 4: Come on! We're running out of time! MAN 5: Come on.
Let's go.
MAN 6: Grab my hand! WOMAN 2: I can't see.
ARMAND III: Do you know who I am? (KATE YELLING) (PANTING) Hello.
(GUNSHOT) (GUN FIRING) KATE: Quick, hurry! Everyone get out of here! MAN 5: I see him! I see him, there! Okay.
Come on, Kate.
(KATE GRUNTING) (MAN 5 SPEAKS RUSSIAN) MAN 5: He disappeared! I'm telling you, it was the Ronin! MAN 3: He's here somewhere, bro! Keep looking! MAN 4: Oh, shit! MAN 5: He's getting away! JACK: Darling! - Where's Kate? She won't answer the phone.
- I don't know.
- Are you okay? - Are you okay? Yeah.
I'm fine.
I found it.
(DOG GROWLING) Hey! (GRUNTS) Get off me! I'm gonna get you, you dumb dog! - Ow! Aah! - (DOG WHIMPERS) I kill you! KATE: Hey! - (DOG BARKING) - KATE: Wait! (SIRENS APPROACHING) KATE: Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Wait! - (HORNS BLARING) - Oh, wait! Wait! No, no, no.
(DOG WHINES) (TIRES SCREECHING) (HORN BLOWS) MAN 3: Kazi! Kazi! - We gotta go! - MAN 2: Let's go, bro! MAN 3: Kazi! We go now! Come on! (SIRENS APPROACHING) MAN 5: Let's get to the van and go after her.
LILA: You were right about the tree, Dad.
It was amazing.
NATHANIEL: I want one that big.
COOPER: It wouldn't fit in our house, dummy.
NATHANIEL: Please, please, please? BARTON: It's a little late for TV, guys.
I've gotta pack.
Ay, ay, ay.
We are following a breaking news story.
A high society gala rocked by an explosion when it went off at Park Avenue and 68th Street tonight.
The cause of the explosion is still under investigation.
But witnesses captured cell phone footage of a masked assailant fleeing the scene.
LILA: Check it out.
A ninja saved a dog.
NEWSCASTER: Authorities believe the assailant could be the Ronin LILA: Isn't that awesome, Dad? who terrorized organized crime in New York and elsewhere.
(GRUNTING) NEWSCASTER: This is the first potential sighting of the Ronin in years.
KATE: Welcome to my apartment.
Okay, that was, that was crazy.
But we're safe.
We're safe.
Okay, what is going on with Armand? Threatening my mom and buying black market swords? Do you think he's connected to the break-in somehow? (PANTING) - Food.
You want food.
Uh, of course.
- (DOG WHIMPERS) Uh Okay, listen.
Just hang on.
I'm gonna I'm gonna get you some food.
Uh Pizza? You want some pizza? Okay.
Have some.
Go on.
Good boy.
You like pizza.
I've got to figure out what's up with Armand.
(PHONE BEEPING) (DOG WHINES) Do not destroy this apartment.
(GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) Monogrammed butterscotch? Armand? Oh, God! - (DOOR SLAMS) - (GASPS) MAID: Mr.
Duquesne? I have your dry cleaning, and I brought dinner.
(SCREAMS) (PANTING) MAN 5: Where do you think you're going? We only want to talk.
MAN 1: Hey, we got little surprise for you.
MAN 2: We've got eyes everywhere.
MAN 5: We missed you, Ronin.
We got you now, bro.
Why you makin' it so tough on us, bro? (GRUNTING) (KATE PANTING) (MAN GROANING) Sorry.
(PANTING) Come on! You're You're Hawkeye! And who the hell are you? (IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR PLAYING)
Next Episode