Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e08 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- GET UP, YOU LAZY BALL
OF GOOD-FOR-NOTHING FUR.
- HUH?
- OOH!
- YOU'RE ON MY CHAIR.
- I'M SURE HE'LL BE
JUST TICKLED PINK.
I'M GOING TO STAR
THIS VERY MINUTE
GETTING THE PLACE
STRAIGHTENED UP.
TA-TA TO YOU, TOO.
I HAVE WONDERFUL NEWS,
HEATHCLIFF.
YOUR COUSIN,
JONATHAN BIXBY MORRISON III,
IS COMING FOR A VISI
WITH HIS OWNER VANESSA.
- WHOOP-DE-DO.
- NOW, EVERYONE WILL CHIP IN
AND GET THIS PLACE
SPICK AND SPAN.
VANESSA LIVES IN A LUXURIOUS
PENTHOUSE IN THE BIG CITY,
AND WE WANT TO
MAKE HER FEEL AT HOME.
- MOVE IT, YOU SHACK RAT.
- [GROWLING]
- [HUMMING]
- [COUGHING]
- ALMOST FORGOT THE BATHTUB.
- MEOW!
[GRUMBLING]
LET ME OUT.
HELP! HELP!
[SIGHS]
AH, FINALLY,
A MOMENT'S PEACE.
- WHO'S THAT?
- OOH, WOW. LOOK AT THAT.
- WOW, LOOK AT THE SIZE
OF THAT CAR.
- WELL, WELL,
THE GREAT ONE HAS ARRIVED.
- YUCK.
- OH, BROTHER.
- IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT WE'RE COUSINS,
BUT WE ARE CERTAINLY
NOT BROTHERS.
THANK GOODNESS.
- WHEN DID YOU SAY
YOU WAS LEAVING?
- OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?
THE 2 LITTLE COUSINS ARE
GETTING ALONG FAMOUSLY.
- I'M GOING TO RETIRE.
BRING THAT BAG
UP TO MY ROOM.
- ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
- WELL, THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE
A BUTLER ON THE PREMISES.
- I'M BUSY.
- I DO BELIEVE I'LL
HAVE A NIGHTCAP.
- DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.
- DEAR COUSIN,
I AM A GUEST.
I DO BELIEVE YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE A GRACIOUS HOST.
- OK, I WILL BE.
HERE, UH, LET ME HELP YOU.
I'LL FLUFF UP YOUR BED HERE.
OOPS.
IT'S RISE-AND-SHINE TIME.
[RING]
GOOD MORNING, COUSIN.
READY FOR A ROYAL TOUR?
AFTER YOU FINISH BREAKFAST,
OF COURSE.
THIS IS THE
SPLENDIFEROUS BATHROOM,
YOUR LORDSHIP.
OVER THERE'S
THE ROYAL SINK.
AND ABOVE YA
IS THE TALCUM POWDER.
HEE HEE HOO HOO!
AND THIS IS
THE LINEN CLOSET.
- YEOW!
- WHY DON'T YOU TWO CUTIES
GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY?
- LET'S NOT AND SAY WE DID.
ARE YOU STILL HERE?
- UNFORTUNATELY.
- I'LL SHOW COZ
WHO'S KING AROUND HERE.
HEY, SPIKEY BOY!
- THAT'S A RATHER
LARGE CANINE.
- LOOK AT THAT.
GOTCHA!
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- [WHISTLING A TUNE]
- AHH, BIG DEAL.
- DON'T YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMEN
WITH YOUR STOCKBROKER
OR SOMETHING?
- NOT UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
WE USUALLY SUMMER
IN FRANCE,
WHERE THE WOMEN ARE--
HOW SHALL I SAY--
OOH-LA-LA!
AND THE FOOD IS
MM-WAH!
MAGNIFIQUE.
- WELL, EXCUUUUSE ME.
AHH!
HIT THE DECK, QUICK. HURRY.
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT.
WILL YOU MOVE?
OH, LOOKS LIKE IT'S
GONNA BE A GREAT DAY.
JUST GREAT.
THANKS A LOT, J.B.
- YOU'RE VERY WELCOME,
COUSIN, I'M SURE.
- HELLO THERE.
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL OUT?
- YOUCERTAINLY ARE.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE ME
TO THIS GORGEOUS CREATURE?
- NO.
- WAIT, DON'T GO.
- OH, HEATHCLIFF,
DON'T BE SUCH A GROUCH.
INTRODUCE US.
- SONJA, THIS IS JERK.
JERK, THIS IS SONJA.
- HOW VERY DROLL,
HEATHCLIFF.
ALLOW ME TO
INTRODUCE MYSELF.
- AHA!
I'M, UH, SORRY.
ALLOW ME
TO INTRODUCE YOU.
SONJA, IT IS
MY PLEASURE TO--
HEY, WATCH OUT!
HEE HEE HOO HOO!
- OH, NO!
THAT WAS VERY MEAN,
HEATHCLIFF.
HERE, I'LL HELP YOU GE
CLEANED UP.
- AW, IS MY POOR
LITTLE RICH COUSIN DIRTY?
- HEATHCLIFF,
I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.
- WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOIN' WITH MY GIRL?
- HAVEN'T YOU HEARD
ABOUT THE BIG DANCE?
- OF COURSE.
WHAT DANCE?
- I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU.
THERE'S GOING TO BE
A BIG PARTY
AT THE THIRD STREE
ALLEY TONIGHT.
SEE YOU THERE,
HEATHCLIFF.
- I'LL SHOW 'EM.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT,
JONATHAN BIXBY BIG DEAL.
"DEAR AUNT VANESSA,
"WE FOUND THIS POOR
ITTY-BITTY KITTY
"WHO NEEDS A HOME.
YOURS, KISSES,
THEODORE AND BABS."
SO
OLD J.B. WAS NOTHING MORE
THAN AN ALLEY CAT.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
GRRR.
- YOU DANCE DIVINELY.
WOULD YOU CARE
FOR SOME OF THIS PUNCH?
- NO, SHE WOULDN'T CARE
FOR SOME.
- HEATHCLIFF.
- FEELING EDGY, DEAR COUSIN?
- DON'T "DEAR COUSIN" ME,
YOU FAKER.
[BRITISH ACCENT]
HEY, LET'S DANCE
THE NIGHT AWAY.
- OH!
OWWW!
- [PANTING]
- WELL, WELL, TWINKLE TOES.
THOSE EXTRA POUNDS
MAKE IT RATHER HARD
TO BE LIGHT ON YOUR FEET.
- POUR SOME PUNCH
FOR ME, PLEASE.
- WHOA!
- WHY, COUSIN, IT APPEARS
THAT YOU'RE WET.
TSK TSK TSK.
WHAT A MESS YOU'VE MADE.
- [NO ACCENT]
HEY! COUSIN OR NO COUSIN,
I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE
WIT YOU!
JUST WHO DO YOU TINK YOU ARE?!
- I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
- WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OF IT?
COME ON, PUT UP YOUR DUKES.
LET'S GO.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SCAREDY-CAT?
FATSO!
- CAN'T LOOK.
- RROWWWRRRR!
- RROWWWRRRR!
- RROWWWRRRR!
- GOTTA HAND IT TO YA.
YOU'RE A DARN GOOD FIGHTER.
- YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF.
- I KNOW.
[BOTH LAUGH]
FRIENDS?
- FRIENDS.
- LET'S GO PIG OU
ON THE CAVIAR.
- CAVIAR?
- I LOVE CAVIAR.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANY CAVIAR
SINCE THAT CHRISTMAS
WHEN I WAS, OH, ABOUT
- RIFFRAFF IS GETTIN'
ALL SPIFFED UP.
I WONDER WHERE HE'S GOING.
- WE COULD FIND OUT.
WE COULD ASK HIM.
- WELL, LET'S GO ASK HIM.
- HEY, RIFFRAFF, YOU'RE
LOOKING PRETTY DAPPER, MAN.
WHAT'S THE PLAN?
- IF YOU HAVE TO KNOW,
CLEO AND I ARE GOING DOWN
TO THE FUN PARK TO HAVE
A FEW LAUGHS.
- OH, BOY! THE FUN PARK!
I LOVE GOIN' THERE.
- THAT'S TOO BAD, MUNGO,
'CAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING
TO THE FUN PARK.
LIKE I SAID,
IT'S JUST ME AND CLEO,
AND YOU GUYS
AREN'T INVITED.
- GEE, THAT'S TOO BAD.
THE FUN PARK IS ONE
OF MY FAVORITE PLACES.
- DON'T WORRY, PAL.
WE'RE GOIN' TO THE PARK, TOO.
- CLEO, YOU LUCKY CAT,
HERE COMES THE ONE
AND ONLY RIFFRAFF.
- [SNORING]
- SO, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA SNEAK BY ME, DID YA?
- HEY, HIYA,
BUSHY, OLD BOY.
NAH, I WASN'T TRYING
TO SNEAK BY YA.
I WAS JUST TESTIN' YA,
THAT'S ALL.
AND YOU PASSED THE FIRST PART.
- PASSED, DID I?
- YEAH, YOU DID FINE
ON THE FIRST PART.
NOW HERE'S THE SECOND PART.
[LOUD TOOT]
- YEOW!
OOF!
- WHAT TOOK YOU
SO LONG, RIFFRAFF?
YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'
KEEP A GIRL WAITING.
- SORRY, CLEO, SWEETHEART.
I WAS DETAINED BY THA
BIG BALL OF HAIR OVER THERE.
WHAT SAY WE GET GOIN',
SHALL WE, MY DEAR?
- CERTAINLY.
- OUR CHARIOT APPROACHES,
MY DEAR.
- GEE, THEY LEFT WITHOUT US.
- NO PROBLEM, MUNGO.
WE CAN CATCH THE NEXT BUS.
- GEE, GUYS, HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET INSIDE THE PARK?
- WEREN'T YOU PAYIN'
ATTENTION, FUR FACE?
WE JUST DO LIKE
RIFFRAFF AND CLEO.
- YIKES!
CATS UNDER MY DRESS!
- YAAA!
- YAAA!
- YAAA!
[ALL PANTING]
- SO, TRYIN' TO SNEAK
INTO THE FUN PARK, EH?
- YOOO!
- WHOA!
- WAAA!
- GREAT PLAN,
HECTOR, MY MAN.
- [COUGHS]
- GEE, RIFFY, AIN'
THE FUN PARK GREAT?
- YEAH, CLEO, THIS WAS
A SWELL IDEA.
- [WHISTLES]
I WONDER WHICH WAY
RIFFRAFF AND CLEO WENT.
- YEAH, THIS WOULD BE
EVEN MORE FUN
WITH MY PAL RIFFRAFF HERE.
- WOW, RIFFY, WHAT'S THAT?
- OH, THAT'S THE HOUSE
OF THE FUTURE DISPLAY.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
BEEN INSIDE?
- UH-UH.
- WELL, FOLLOW ME.
I KNOW A WAY INSIDE.
- WOW!
- PRESENTING THE FUTURE.
- I THINK THEY WENT THIS WAY.
- THIS WAY TO
THE HOUSE OF THE FUTURE,
THE MOST FANTASTIC VIEW
OF THE FUTURE
YOU WILL EVER SEE.
STEP THIS WAY, PLEASE.
OVER HERE, THE KITCHEN
OF THE FUTURE.
EVERYTHING IS
COMPLETELY AUTOMATED.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
PRESS A BUTTON
IN ORDER TO ENJOY
A DELICIOUS MEAL.
NOW, IF YOU WILL FOLLOW ME.
- BOY, YOU CAN REALLY FEED
YOUR FACE IN THIS PLACE.
- LET'S EAT.
- IN HERE IS
THE ENTERTAINMENT ROOM--
MOVIES, MUSIC, AND GAMES,
ALL AT THE TOUCH
OF A BUTTON.
- THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER
THAN I THOUGHT.
WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE
TO OURSELVES.
HOW'S ABOUT A NICE
CANDLELIGHT DINNER,
COURTESY OF YOURS TRULY?
- WHATEVER YOU SAY,
HIGH ROLLER.
NOT BAD, RIFFRAFF.
NOT BAD AT ALL.
- WELL, I HOPE YOU'VE ENJOYED
YOUR TOUR OF THE HOUSE
OF THE FUTURE.
BEFORE LEAVING, WE HAVE
ONE LAST THING TO SHOW YOU--
THE HOUSE OF THE FUTURE'S
SPECIAL SECURITY SYSTEM.
THIS SYSTEM COMPLETELY
WATCHES OVER THE HOUSE
WHILE THE OCCUPANTS ARE AWAY.
AND THAT ENDS OUR TOUR.
THANK YOU.
- KILL, KILL, KILL.
HEE HEE HEE!
CATCH THEM.
- WOW!
- LOOK AT THIS NEAT ROOM.
IT HAS ALL KINDS
OF THINGS TO PLAY WITH.
- WELL, WHAT ARE WE
WAITIN' FOR?
- I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO TRY ONE OF THESE.
- KILL, KILL, KILL.
TOO MUCH
KILL, KILL, KILL.
- WHOA!
WHOOOOOAAAA!
- KILL, KILL, KILL.
- YAAAAAA!
WHOAAAAAAA!
- LOOK OUT BELOWWWWW!
- KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL,
KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL.
- WHOA!
- WHOA!
- WHOA!
- YAAAA!
- WHOA!
- WHAT A RUDE DUDE.
- ARE WE GONNA TAKE THAT?
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- COME ON, WE'RE GOIN'
BACK IN THERE.
- NOW LET'S RELAX
AND ENJOY THE SHOW.
- WHERE'S THE POPCORN?
- I DON'T KNOW.
PRESS A FEW BUTTONS.
- GEE, ALL THAT EXERCISE
MADE ME HUNGRY.
- WELL, ALL WE GOTTA DO
IS PUSH SOME OF THESE BUTTONS,
AND WE'LL GET SOMETHING TO EAT.
- KILL, KILL, KILL.
- WOWEE ZOWEE!
- WOWEE ZOWEE!
- WOWEE ZOWEE!
- KILL, KILL, KILL.
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- WE GOTTA LOWER THE BOOM
ON THAT BIG VACUUM.
- HEY, CLEO, LOOK
AT THIS NEAT ROOM.
IT'S FULL OF ALL KINDS
OF ELECTRONIC TOYS AND GAMES.
- COME ON, RIFFRAFF,
LET'S PARTY.
- LOOK AT THAT WEIRD-LOOKING
COMPUTER GAME.
- LET'S GO CHECK IT OUT.
- KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL.
- ALL CLEAR.
THIS TIME WE'RE GETTIN' IN
AND STAYIN' IN.
- COME ON, CLEO.
I'LL HAVE YOU A GAME.
- COME ON, RIFFRAFF,
LET'S GET TO IT.
- WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- WHOOOAAA!
- THIS GAME IS DULL.
LET'S GO IN THE
LIVING ROOM AND RELAX.
- YEAH, I'M WITH YOU, RIFFY.
HOW ABOUT SOME MILK?
- COMIN' UP.
TO A PLEASANT AFTERNOON
WITH YOU, MY DEAR.
- NOT BAD, RIFFY. NOT BAD.
IT'S A GOOD THING
THOSE 3 BOZO FRIENDS OF YOURS
WEREN'T AROUND TO SPOIL IT.
- EVEN AT A HOUSE OF THE FUTURE,
I CAN'T ESCAPE MY PAST.
OHH.
[PANTING]
HEY, KIDS,
DON'T FORGET AN IMPORTAN
SAFETY AND COURTESY TIP
ABOUT WALKING YOUR DOG.
HEEL, YOU HEELS!
ALWAYS WALK YOUR DOG ON A LEASH
FOR HIS, OR HER'S, SAFETY.
MUSH!
THIS ALSO KEEPS
YOUR DOG FROM RUNNING ON
OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY.
HEH HEH! OK, FELLAS.
LET'S GO HOME.
HEEL!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU