Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e30 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
HE'S MIXING
WITH THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
YOU'LL FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- ISN'T SHE
THE SWEETEST THING?
- HELLO, YOU CUTIE.
- WHAT A DOLL!
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S MY CARRIAGE.
- HER NAME IS TAMMY.
ISN'T SHE DARLING?
- SCRAM, FURBALL!
- FURBALL?
- NOW, HEATHCLIFF,
YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY.
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE
LITTLE TAMMY A RIDE
IN YOUR CARRIAGE.
TAMMY'S SUCH AN ANGEL.
- MEW.
- WHAT A DARLING PUSSYCA
YOU ARE, TAMMY.
- MEW.
- FURBALL?
[SNORING]
HUH?
HEY, I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO TALK TO YOU.
I'M HEATHCLIFF.
I RUN THIS BLOCK,
AND YOU CAN'T GO AROUND
CALLING ME
FURBA--WHOA-OH-AH-OH!
- I THOUGHT CATS
ALWAYS LANDED ON THEIR FEET.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU!
PUT THEM UP!
UP! UP!
- YOU WOULDN'T HI
A GIRL, WOULD YOU, HEATHCLIFF?
[RATTLING]
- HEY, LOOK AT THIS.
HEATHCLIFF IS PICKING
ON A LITTLE GIRL.
- HA HA!
- HA HA!
- HA HA!
- MY, OH, MY,
WHAT A TOUGH GUY.
- HEH HEH HEH!
SHAME, SHAME, HEATHCLIFF.
- HA HA HA!
LEAD WITH YOUR LEFT,
HEATHCLIFF!
- "I'M HEATHCLIFF, AND
I RUN THIS BLOCK."
WELL, NOT ANYMORE, FURBALL.
- WOW! WAY TO GO, BEAUTIFUL!
HEY, HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO MEET A REAL MAN?
[WHISTLES]
WHOO! WOW WOW WOW!
[MAKING KISSING NOISES]
- WHOA
- WHOA
- I RUN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD NOW,
SO YOU BETTER WATCH
YOUR STEP!
- BOYHAVE I
GOT A PROBLEM.
- HEATHCLIFF!
COME BACK HERE
WITH THAT FISH!
HEY!
WHOA
COME HERE
- WELL
WHY, ISN'T THAT SWEET?
A GIFT FOR ME.
THANKS, FURBALL.
- WHY, YOU
- HEY, GUYS, LOOK AT THIS.
HEATHCLIFF'S
PICKING ON A LITTLE GIRL.
- HEATHCLIFF,
I TOLD YOU TO STAY
OUT OF MY STORE.
- BOY, HAVE I GOT A PROBLEM.
- NOW, WHERE'S THAT FISH?
- WHOOPS
BOY, HAVE I GOT A PROBLEM!
EE-YIKES!
- HI, FURBALL.
WANT SOME MILK?
- WHY, YOU
- YOU WOULDN'T HIT A GIRL,
WOULD YOU, HEATHCLIFF?
- UH, NO, NO, I GUESS NOT.
- GOOD, 'CAUSE I LOVE
TO HIT BOYS!
- OH! HI, HEATHCLIFF.
HEY, I THOUGHT CATS
ALWAYS LAND ON THEIR FEET, EH?
- OH, HEATHCLIFF,
I'M SURE YOU SAY THA
TO ALL THE GIRLS.
- NO, REALLY, SONIA.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
FOR ME.
THERE'S NOBODY ELSE.
- OH, HEATHCLIFF,
I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!
- HUH?
- NOBODY ELSE, HUH?
- UH, SONIA, THIS ISN'
WHAT YOU THINK. I
- I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I THINK!
- SONIA, WAIT!
LET ME EXPLAIN!
- I THINK YOU'RE A ROTTEN,
NO-GOOD TWO-TIMER!
WE'RE THROUGH!
- OHHDID LITTLE HEATHCWIFF
HAVE AN ARGUMEN
WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND?
- OK, THAT'S IT!
YOU'VE HAD IT!
- IS BIG, BAD HEATHCWIFF
GONNA HI
A WITTLE TINY GIRL?
- AWW
- SUCKER!
- I THOUGHT CATS ALWAYS
LAND ON THEIR FEET.
- HYAAH!
- GRRR! ROWR!
- AARGH! RUFF!
WHOA!
OH, NO!
LUCKY I DIDN'T LAND
IN THE
UNH!
AWW
- YOU SHOULD'VE
BEEN THERE.
I REALLY CLOBBERED
THAT WIMPY HEATHCLIFF.
- YEAH? HA HA!
AND THAT FURBALL
WOULDN'T FIGHT ME
'CAUSE I'M A GIRL,
SO THEN I REALLY
LET HIM HAVE IT.
AND GET THIS:
I MADE HIS DUMB
GIRLFRIEND THINK I LIKED HIM.
- DUMB GIRLFRIEND, HUH?
- I RUN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD NOW.
HEATHCLIFF IS THROUGH.
HERE COMES MARCY. WATCH THIS.
- I'VE GOT TO FIND HEATHCLIFF
AND APOLOGIZE.
- MEW.
MEW.
- YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD GIRL.
- MEW.
- NOW, YOU PLAY WITH HEATHCLIFF
WHILE I GO INSIDE FOR A MINUTE.
- MEW.
- GOOD GIRL.
NOW, HEATHCLIFF,
YOU BE NICE TO LITTLE TAMMY.
- MEW!
- MEW.
- WELL, FURBALL,
HOW DOES IT FEEL
BEING THE NUMBER 2 CA
AROUND HERE?
- MMM, I'LL SHOW YOU
HOW IT FEELS.
OWWOH
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- ME-YEOW-OW
- POOR HEATHCLIFF.
TAMMY, WHA
DID YOU DO TO POOR
LITTLE HEATHCLIFF?
YOU'RE A BAD CAT, TAMMY,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO
PLAY WITH YOU ANYMORE.
- OW OW OWW
- NOW, HEATHCLIFF,
YOU JUST WAIT HERE,
AND I'LL GET YOU
A BIG, JUICY STEAK
TO PUT ON YOUR EYE.
AND, YOU,
YOU NAUGHTY GIRL,
YOU STAY AWAY
FROM MY HEATHCLIFF.
- NOTHING MAKES ME
FEEL BETTER
THAN GIVING YOU SOME
OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE.
- MEWRRR!
MEWRRR! HISSSSS
- [CHEERING]
HEATHCLIFF!
HEATHCLIFF!
HE'S OUR MAN!
IF HE CAN'T DO IT,
NO ONE CAN! YAY!
- IF HE CAN'T DO IT,
NO ONE CAN!
YAY!
- UNH!
- HEY, HEATHCLIFF,
I THOUGHT CATS
ALWAYS LANDED ON--
- DON'T SAY IT!
I'M NOT GONNA
FIGHT YOU, TAMMY.
I'M NOT GONNA
BACK DOWN, EITHER!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
HE'S OUR CAT!
IF YOU WANT TROUBLE,
HE'S WHERE IT'S AT!
- OK, HEATHIE,
YOU ASKED FOR IT.
- BUT YOU'RE
GONNA GET IT.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- IT MAY BE AGAINST HEATHCLIFF'S
HONOR TO FIGHT YOU,
BUT IT'S NOT AGAINST MINE!
- SONIA, SONIA,
SHE'S NO CLOWN!
IF SHE CAN'T DO IT,
WE'LL LEAVE TOWN!
- IF YOU EVER
BOTHER HEATHCLIFF AGAIN,
YOU'LL ANSWER TO ME!
- YAAH!
- THAT WAS VERY UNLADYLIKE,
BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE.
- WAY TO GO, SONIA!
- NOT BAD FOR A GIRL.
- YOU'RE ONE SLICK CHICK!
- SONIA, SONIA,
SHE'S OUR GIRL!
- LIKE I ALWAYS SAY
BEHIND EVERY
GOOD MAN IS
- A BETTER WOMAN.
- A BETTER WOMAN.
- WHOAAH
- [BARKING]
- OH!
UNH!
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M, UH, DUH
IN LOVE!
- HUH?
- DUHUHMONGO!
I'M MONGO. HUH?
- HI, MONGO. I'M DIXIE.
- UH, UH, GEE
UH, UH, D-DO YOU
COME HERE OFTEN?
- HA HA HA!
I GUESS I DO.
WELL, I BETTER GO NOW. BYE.
- UH, HEH HEH HEH
- MONGO!
YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
- GOSHHEH HEH HEH!
- GRRR!
GRRR!
- SHE LOVES ME
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
[SLURP]
SHE LOVES ME
[SLURP]
SHE LOVES ME NOT
[SLURP]
- WHAT IS WITH HIM?
- HEY, MAN,
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
LOVE IS THE WORD.
- SHE LOVES ME
[SLURP]
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
[SLURP]
- MONGO'S IN LOVE?
- THAT'S A FACT, JACK.
[KA-THUMP]
- WHICH ONE OF YOU
CLOWNS IS MONGO?
- HE IS!
- HE IS!
- YAHOO!
[COUGHS]
UH, YAHOO
- MY SISTER'S IN TRAINING
FOR THE BIG TRACK
AND FIELD MEET,
AND I DON'T WAN
NOBODY BUGGING HER!
- I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS, MONGO.
IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT MONGO HERE IS IN
THE TRACK MEET, TOO.
- HA! THAT'S A LAUGH!
WHAT EVENT?
- UH
UH, THE, UM
OH, ALL OF 'EM.
- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
I'M IN ALL
OF THE EVENTS, TOO,
AND IF YOUR FAT FRIEND
IS GOOD ENOUGH TO BEAT ME,
HE'S GOOD ENOUGH
FOR MY SISTER!
- AND, UH
IF HE DOESN'
BEAT YOU?
- I'LL USE ALL 3 OF YOUSE
AS JAVELIN CATCHERS!
- WHOA
- WHOA
- WHOA
- EEYAAH!
- YAAA!
- AAH!
HEH! I'LL SEE
YOU BOZOS AT THE MEET.
- WE'D HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR
IF RIFFRAFF WAS HERE.
- FORGET ABOUT RIFFRAFF.
I'VEGOT A FOOLPROOF PLAN.
- SHE LOVES ME
[SLURP]
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
[SLURP]
WELL, WHY AM I DOING THIS?
- IT'S SIMPLE.
YOU GOT TO WIN
ALL THE EVENTS
AT THE TRACK MEE
IF YOU WANT TO SEE DIXIE.
- YOU GOT TO WIN,
PLEASE,
OR WE'RE SWISS CHEESE!
- IF YOU SAY SO.
NOW WHAT?
- UNHHH!
- OHHH
- WHOA
- I WISH I KNEW
WHY I LISTEN TO YOU.
- WHOA--WHOA--WHOAAA
- OHH
- HOW DID I DO, GUYS?
- GOOD HEIGHT, MONGO.
YOU JUST GOT TO WORK
ON YOUR DIRECTION.
- HEY, WHEN IT COMES
TO SHOT PUTTIN',
THERE'S NO PUSSYFOOTIN'.
JUST HOLD I
IN YOUR PALM--
YEOWWW
AND THEN YOU'RE GONE.
- NOW, ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS RUN REAL FAS
TO THE OTHER END.
- UH, WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER
IF YOU GOT THOSE THINGS
OUT OF MY WAY?
- YOU GOT TO JUMP
OVER 'EM, MONGO!
- OHOK. HERE GOES.
- HE'LL DO THIS ONE REAL EASY.
- OOF!
UNGH!
OOG!
[CRASH]
- OH
- OH
- HEY, THAT WAS EASY, GUYS!
THAT WAS FUN!
I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
- DON'T WANT TO
LET YOU DOWN,
BUT I'M LEAVING TOWN.
- NOT SO FAST.
I GOT ANOTHER PLAN.
- I WAS HOPING,
MAYBE AFTER THE MEET
UH, UH, UH,
YOU AND ME COULD MEE
AND HAVE SOME
FISH SANDWICHES TOGETHER.
- I'D LIKE THAT.
- YOU WOULD?
- YEAH, I WOULD.
- HEH HEH HEH!
GOSH
- I HOPE YOU TURKEYS
MAKE BETTER JAVELIN CATCHERS
THAN THE LAST GUYS I HAD.
- [GULPS]
- [GULPS]
- WH-WHA
HAPPENED TO THEM?
- I USED ONE OF THEM
FOR A FISHING NE
AND THE OTHER AS
A SPAGHETTI STRAINER.
- HAAA
- EHHH
- GEE, THAT'S GREAT.
I--I LIKE SPAGHETTI.
- BET YA CATCH SOME BIG FISH.
- THE FIRST EVEN
IS THE SHOT PUT.
SEE YOU THERE.
- NOW, REMEMBER,
JUST THROW I
AS FAR AS YOU CAN.
WE'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE REST.
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND
TOO HARD.
- ALL RIGHT, MINGO,
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
- HEYTHIS THING IS HEAVY.
- GO FOR IT, BIG GUY!
- WHOOPS
- YAAGH! YAAGH!
WHY, YOU
- SORRY.
- WHY, I OUGHTA
- NOW, CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT.
- YOU GUYS HAVE HAD IT!
I CAN BEAT THAT THROW
WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.
- GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT.
HA HA HA!
- YAAA
[CRASH]
- TOUGH BREAK, JAKE.
- Y'ALL CAN FORGE
ABOUT SEEING DIXIE,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA BURY YOU
ON THE HIGH HURDLES!
- ON YOUR MARK
GET SET
[BANG]
- OOF!
- I'VE GOT YOU NOW.
WHOA!
- I WON!
I WON!
- CAN YOU DIG IT?
- YEAH. TRACK CONDITIONS
ARE TERRIBLE.
- HA HA HA!
- HA HA HA!
- WHY, THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY
GOING ON WITH YOU GUYS,
BUT I'LL TELL
Y'ALL RIGHT NOW,
NO ONE BEATS ME
IN THE POLE VAULT.
- YOU COULD HAVE USED THAT POLE
WHEN YOU FELL IN THE HOLE.
- GRRR!
[TWANG-G-G]
WATCH THIS!
- HA HA HA!
- EEYAAH!
[CRASH]
- HA HA HA!
- HA HA HA!
- Y'ALL CHEATED ME,
AND NOW YOU'RE
GONNA PAY FOR IT!
HYAAH
- JAKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I BET THESE GUYS
THAT MANGO COULDN'T BEAT ME
IN A TRACK AND FIELD EVENT.
- SO?
- IF HE WINS, HE GETS
TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE.
- I'M GONNA GO
ON A DATE WITH MONGO
WHETHER YOU
LIKE IT OR NOT,
SO THE DEAL'S OFF!
COME ON, MONGO, LET'S GO.
- GOSH
HEH HEH
- HA HA HA!
- HA HA HA!
- BET'S OFF. HA HA!
NYA-NA NA-NA NA NAH
- SO LONG, JAKE.
- GRRR
THAT'S RIGHT.
ALL BETS ARE OFF!
[METALLIC RATTLING]
- UH-OH
- UH-OH
- RUN!
- WAIT TILL I GE
MY PAWS ON YOU GUYS!
- I DON'T--
I DON'T GET IT.
MONGO GETS THE GIRL,
BUT WHAT DO WE GET?
- WE GET JAKE,
WHICH IS A BIG MISTAKE.
- AAH!
- YOU'RE JUST LIKE A BIG,
CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR.
- OH. HEH HEH.
YEAH, I KNOW.
GOSH--
OUCH.
- HA HA HA!
- IN THE LAST WEEKS
BEFORE GIVING BIRTH,
YOUR CAT WILL SEEK A QUIET,
DIMLY LIT SPO
FOR HAVING HER KITTENS.
UNLESS YOU PREPARE A BOX OR AREA
AHEAD OF TIME,
SHE MAY FIND HER OWN--
LIKE IN YOUR CLOSET,
ON A PILE OF LAUNDRY,
OR YOUR BRAND-NEW
ANGORA SWEATER.
IF SHE BALKS,
DON'T FORCE HER.
A LITTLE COAXING SHOULD DO IT.
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE AN ALIBI
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU