Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e65 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GAME WILL
REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE
A MYSTERY ♪
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FINDING EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH
OH-OH O-O-OH O-OH ♪
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
SAY, HERE'S SOME
INTERESTING NEWS.
SOME FILM PEOPLE
ARE MAKING A MOVIE
RIGHT HERE IN OUR TOWN.
OH, YEAH?
HEY! THEY'RE LOOKING
FOR SOME LOCAL CATS
TO BE IN THE MOVIE.
I'M GONNA TAKE
HEATHCLIFF TO THE
AUDITION TODAY.
HEATHCLIFF?
HEH. UNLESS THEY GO
A PART FOR A LAZY SLOB,
YOU'RE WASTING
YOUR TIME.
WE'LL SEE.
LOOK OUT, HOLLYWOOD,
HERE COMES HEATHCLIFF.
NEXT.
GET A LOAD OF DAT!
HUBBA BA-VROOM,
LET'S GIVE
THE CHICK ROOM.
NO-CLASS CREEPS.
I'LL GIVE 'EM
A VA-VA-VROOM.
PERFECT--NOW YOU'RE WITH
ALL THE OTHER JUNK MAIL.
NEXT.
THAT'S ME.
OW!
HEATHCLIFF WON'
GET AWAY WITH THIS.
NO WAY.
HE'S GONNA PAY.
UH, I HOPE HE PAYS,
'CAUSE I'M FLAT BROKE.
HEATHCLIFF, THIS
IS THE DIRECTOR,
CLAUS VON STERNBERG.
HMM. A VERY
INTERESTING CAT.
I THINK HE'S PERFEC
TO PLAY OPPOSITE SONJA.
YOU SEE, YOU'RE
EXACTLY WHAT WE'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR.
AND HIS TABBY-COLORED COA
IS PERFECT.
NOW, REPORT TO THE SE
TOMORROW MORNING AT 5:30.
IT WAS A LUCKY STROKE
WHEN THAT CAT WALKED
IN HERE, RIGHT?
YA. HE LOOKS ENOUGH
LIKE OUR STAR,
JACQUES LeSHAR,
SO THAT WHEN HE DOES
ALL OF JACQUES' STUNTS,
NO ONE WILL KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.
YOU'RE A GENIUS, CLAUS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
OOH!
QUIET, QUIET
QUIET ON THE SET.
HERE ARE
MY TWO LITTLE STARS
ALL DRESSED
AND READY TO WORK.
HERE IS
WHAT WE ARE DOING.
SONJA, YOU'RE BEING
HELD PRISONER
HIGH UP IN THE TOWER
OF THE CASTLE.
AND, HEATHCLIFF, YOU'RE
GOING TO RESCUE HER,
TAKE HER IN YOUR ARMS,
AND GIVE HER A BIG KISS.
PLACES, EVERYONE!
NOW, IN THE FIRST SCENE,
ALL YOU DO IS WALK ACROSS
THIS LITTLE WALL.
THIS IS GONNA BE
A PIECE OF CAKE.
EVERYBODY READY?
HEY, WHAT'S THE DEAL?
SOME LITTLEWALL.
HEATHCLIFF,
WALK ACROSS THE WALL
TO THE OTHER SIDE.
GOT IT?
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT HERE
JUST IN TIME.
YEAH. HEH HEH HEH.
ACTION!
AH, THIS IS A BREEZE.
THINK I'LL DO I
WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
CUT! PRINT!
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL,
HEATHCLIFF.
DOWN YA GO,
MR. HIGH AND MIGHTY.
YEOWWWWW
YOU'RE QUITE
A DIRECTOR, HECTOR.
SOMEBODY CATCH
THAT CAT!
HEATHCLIFF,
COME BACK.
WAIT TILL I GE
MY HANDS ON
THAT DIRECTOR.
I'LL PULVERIZE HIM.
GRRRR
HEATHCLIFF,
I THOUGH
YOU WERE DOOMED.
YEAH? WELL, IT'S THE
DIRECTOR WHO'S DOOMED.
WAIT'LL I TAKE CARE OF HIM.
HEATHCLIFF,
YOU HAVE MY MOS
HUMBLE APOLOGY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
THE WALL FELL DOWN.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN
AN ACCIDENT.
GRRRRR
HEY, IT WASN'
AN ACCIDENT.
HECTOR DID IT.
I CAN TELL--
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GALLOP OVER TO
THE DRAWBRIDGE,
THEN YOU LEAP
FROM ONE SIDE
OF THE DRAWBRIDGE
TO THE OTHER.
GOT IT?
OK.
INTO POSITION.
HOW COME I'M
ON THE BOTTOM?
'CAUSE YOU'RE MORE
NEAR THE FLOOR.
UH, OH, YEAH.
I FORGOT.
THANKS,
WORDSWORTH.
REMEMBER
YOUR MOTIVATION.
YOU WILL DO
ANYTHING TO RESCUE
YOUR LOVELY SONJA.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
LET'S GO.
ENOUGH ALREADY.
ACTION!
FASTER, FASTER!
YEOW!
CUT!
OH, NO.
POOR HEATHCLIFF.
HEATHCLIFF, YOU HAVE
MY MOST HUMBLE APOLOGY.
IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT,
BUT IT LOOKED
SO REALISTIC,
WE'RE GOING TO KEEP
IT IN THE MOVIE.
GET THE SHARKS READY!
ANOTHER ACCIDENT, HUH?
THIS DIRECTOR
IS A MENACE TO
THE MOVIE WORLD.
I QUIT.
BUT WHAT ABOU
OUR LOVE SCENE
WHERE YOU HOLD ME
IN YOUR ARMS AND
KISS ME?
THINK ABOUT THAT.
I LIKE YOUR THINKING.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
FOR THE LAST SCENE
ALL YOU DO IS SIMPLY
SWIM ACROSS THE MOAT,
CLIMB UP A VINE TO
THE TOP OF THE CASTLE,
AND FIND SONJA.
GOT IT?
I GOT IT.
BUT IF ANYTHING
FUNNY HAPPENS,
THIS DIRECTOR'S
GONNA GET IT.
WORDSWORTH,
MUNGO,
WIND 'EM UP
AS FAR AS
THEY'LL GO.
LET'S WIND 'EM UP TIGH
TO GIVE HIM A FRIGHT.
PLACES EVERYBODY.
SONJA, GO UP
TO THE TOWER
AND WAI
FOR HEATHCLIFF.
I'LL BE WAITING
FOR YOU, DEAREST,
AND DON'T BE LATE.
ACTION!
HEY, THAT DIRECTOR
NEVER SAID THE SHARKS
WERE GONNA ATTACK ME!
I'LL FIX 'EM.
NICE WORKIN' WITH YA.
HEE HO HO HO HO
YOO-HOO!
HMM. IT'S A LONG WAY UP,
BUT IT'LL BE WORTH IT.
YEOWWW!
THIS'LL
TEACH HIM.
WE GOT HIM,
ALL RIGHT.
HEATHCLIFF'S
HOT TONIGHT.
A DRAGON
WITH CAT'S FEET?
GIMME A BREAK.
YOWEEE!
AAH!
THE NERVE OF THOSE THREE,
TRYING TO STEAL
MY BEST SCENE.
DON'T WORRY, SONJA.
I'M ON MY WAY.
OH, HEATHCLIFF,
MY HERO.
[WHISPERING]
What happened?
I thought
you stood me up.
NEVER, MY SWEET.
NOW, PUCKER UP
AND GET READY
FOR THE KISS
OF A LIFETIME.
CUT! CUT!
CUT? WHA
DO YOU MEAN, CUT?
OK, TAKE
HEATHCLIFF OUT,
PUT THE STAR IN.
I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION.
IT IS VERY SIMPLE.
I AM THE STAR,
AND THEY HIRED YOU
TO DO ALL MY STUNTS
SO THAT NOTHING
HAPPENS TO ME.
NOW, MOVE ASIDE SO
I CAN KISS THE GIRL.
OF ALL THE ROTTEN,
NO-GOOD, CHEATING TRICKS!
SORRY.
THAT IS BUSINESS.
WELL, I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU THE BUSINESS!
STOP! I AM THE STAR!
STOP!
OH, THE STAR
WANTS TO STOP.
YEOWWW
FEELING BLUE,
JACQUES?
HEE HEE HEE HEE
I'LL NEED MAKEUP!
NO PROBLEM.
SOMEBODY HELP ME
WASH THIS OFF.
ALLOW ME.
ENJOY YOUR BATH.
HEE HEE
HOO HOO HOO
YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
I AM THE STAR!
HEATHCLIFF,
THANK YOU
FOR RESCUING ME.
UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU RESCUED ME
FROM KISSING
JACQUES LeSHAR.
YOU'RE A MESS.
IT'LL TAKE A WEEK
TO GET YOU CLEANED UP,
AND I'VE GOT TO FINISH
THIS PICTURE TODAY.
YOU'RE THROUGH!
OH, HEATHCLIFF
MAY I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU?
PLEASE HELP ME OUT.
IF YOU DO,
I PROMISE I'LL STAR YOU
IN DOZENS OF MOVIES.
THIS IS ONLY
THE BEGINNING.
YEAH? WELL, AS FAR
AS I'M CONCERNED,
IT'S THE END.
[SOBBING]
ONLY THE BEGINNING
WELL, SO MUCH FOR
BEING A MOVIE STAR.
TO ME, YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE A STAR.
REALLY?
REALLY.
YOU KNOW, SONJA,
I HAVE TO ADMIT,
YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE.
HEE HEE HOO HOO HOO
[TAUNTING]
YA-YA YA-YA YA YA
YOU'VE HAD IT,
RIFF RAFF.
HA HA HA HA HA
WHOA!
YOW!
[WHISTLING]
YATZEN-FRAHGEN!
HEY, CLANCY, WHAT DO YOU
WANT US TO DO WITH THEM?
NOTHING RIGHT NOW.
'ELLO, LADS.
HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
HOW ARE WE DOING?
WE WERE DOIN' FINE
TILL YOU GUYS
CAME ALONG.
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
ANYHOW?
WE'RE GOING TO
WANT NOTHIN'
WE JUST WANTED
TO GIVE YA NOTICE
TO PACK YOUR THINGS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
PACK OUR THINGS?
ME BOYS AND I
ARE TAKIN' OVER
THE JUNKYARD,
SO YOU TWO AND THOSE
OTHER THREE CLOWNS
ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO VACATE.
SAYS WHO?
SAYS US--
THE DIRTY DOGS.
Both:
YOU'RE THE DIRTY DOGS?
YOU WANNA MAKE
SOMETHING OF IT,
MUTT?
NO. I WAS
JUST ASKIN'.
I SEE YOU'VE GO
A SOCCER BALL THERE.
YOU KNOW
HOW TO PLAY?
OH, I'VE PLAYED A LITTLE
IN THE OLD COUNTRY, LAD.
HAVE A GO, LAD.
I'VE PLAYED A LITTLE
SOCCER MESELF, LADDIE.
WOULD YOU LIKE
A LITTLE CONTEST?
HMM.
WHAT KIND OF
CONTEST, ME BOY?
HOW ABOUT IF YOU DIRTY
DOGS PLAY A SOCCER GAME
AGAINST US?
THE WINNER
GETS THE JUNKYARD.
THE LOSERS
HAVE TO LEAVE.
YIP. WELL, BOYS,
WE'VE BEEN CHALLENGED.
SHALL WE ACCEPT?
IT WON'T EVEN
BE CLOSE.
WE'LL ANNIHILATE
THE BUMS.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
IT'S SETTLED.
WE'LL COME BACK
HERE TOMORROW.
YA BETTER DO SOME
PRACTICING, LADDIE.
[LAUGHTER]
ARE YOU CRAZY?
WE CAN'
BEAT THOSE GUYS
IN A SOCCER GAME.
HAVE YOU GO
A BETTER IDEA?
AHEM.
WELL, UH, NO.
I, UH
EXACTLY.
SO WE NEED YOU TO PLAY
FOR OUR TEAM, CLEO.
AND, BUSH, WE WANT YOU
TO BE OUR MANAGER.
PLAY FOR YOUR TEAM?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
WHY WOULD I WANT TO
DO A THING LIKE THAT?
WELL, BECAUSE
IF WE ALL LOSE OUR
HOME IN THE JUNKYARD,
WE'D HAVE TO
MOVE IN HERE WITH YOU.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL PLAY.
GOOD. WE GOTTA WORK
AS A TEAM.
IF WE DO THAT,
WE'VE GOT A CHANCE.
HOW 'BOUT THE RES
OF YOU GUYS?
DID YOU EVER PLAY SOCCER?
I CAN HOLD MY OWN.
OK. HOW 'BOUT YOU,
WORDSWORTH? EVER PLAY?
I PLAY A MEAN
TAMBOURINE.
GOOD, WORDSWORTH.
REAL FINE.
HOW 'BOUT YOU, MUNGO?
UH, NO.
I NEVER PLAYED
A TAMBOURINE,
BUT I GUESS
I COULD LEARN.
OHH
BUSH, YOU'VE GOT TO
MANAGE THIS TEAM.
THINK YOU CAN DO IT?
OF COURSE I CAN
MANAGE THIS TEAM.
I'M AS SHARP
AS ANYONE.
WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
Sonja: IT'S SO EXCITING.
I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO A GAME BEFORE.
I CAN HARDLY WAI
UNTIL IT STARTS.
Cat: YAY! YAY!
HERE WE GO!
YAY, TEAM! YAY!
Announcer: TODAY'S MATCH
PITS THE UNDEFEATED
DIRTY DOGS
AGAINST THE UNENVIABLE
JUNKYARD JOKES.
WHAT'S THE MEANING
OF ALL THIS JUNK
ALL OVER THE FIELD?
THAT STUFF WAS TOO BIG
TO MOVE, SO WE LEFT IT.
THE GROUND RULES ARE THA
ANY TEAM CAN USE ANYTHING ON
THE FIELD DURING THE GAME.
HA!
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
EXACTLY.
[TWEET]
OOF!
ATTA BOY, LEROY!
GRRR
GRRR.
HEADS UP, HECTOR.
YAY!
YAY!
GOAL!
GOAL!
YAY, TEAM!
YAAAAAY, TEAM!
Announcer:
THE JUNKYARD JOKES
NOW LEAD 1-0!
JUST LUCK, ME LADS.
JUST LUCK.
ARE YOU SURE YOU PLAYED
THIS GAME BEFORE, LADDIE?
GRRRRR
LEROY, LEROY,
HE'S OUR MAN ♪
HE CAN STOP THAT BALL
LIKE NO ONE CAN! ♪
YAHOOO!
Announcer: THIS RIFF RAFF KID
IS SOMETHING, FOLKS.
HE LOOKS UNSTOPPABLE.
GO, TEAM GO!
YAY!
WAY TO GO!
LET'S GET HIM.
WHEW.
[TWEET]
YAY, TEAM!
YAY, TEAM!
OHH
OHH
ALL RIGHT, GANG,
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
WE ARE BAD, LAD.
UH, I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING BAD, DID I?
OH, STIFLE
YOURSELF, MUNGO.
YOU'RE DOING
A GREAT JOB, LEROY.
WITHOUT YOU, WE WOULDN'
STAND A CHANCE.
NOW, LET'S GO.
HEY! LEMME OUTTA HERE!
STOP! COME ON!
HAS ANYBODY
SEEN LEROY?
[TWEET]
GOALIES READY?
WE'RE IN TROUBLE NOW.
HEY, BUSH, COME HERE.
YOU'LL HAVE TO PLAY GOALIE
TILL WE FIND LEROY.
GOALIE? I'VE NEVER
PLAYED GOALIE BEFORE.
SPARE ME THE UGLY DETAILS
AND GET OUT THERE.
BUSH, THIS WAY!
THAT'S THEIR GOAL.
HA! LOOKS LIKE
A GREAT GOALIE,
LADDIE.
ALL RIGHT, CLANCY,
WHERE'S LEROY?
HA HA. I DON'
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT, LAD.
[TWEET TWEEEET]
WHOA!
HOW DID THIS GET HERE?
THANK YOU, BUSH.
OH, NO!
YAY!
YAY!
RIFF RAFF,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
BUSH CAN SMELL
A STEAK A MILE AWAY,
SO WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS
[WHISPERING]
HEY, MUNGO, I GO
A JOB FOR YA.
[WHISTLING]
GRRRR
SHUSH. UH, SHUSH.
GRRRR
OH, NO. THE DOG
ATE OUR STEAK.
[WHINING]
Announcer: 5-5, FOLKS.
IT'S A TIE.
UH, HERE'S THE
STEAK, RIFF RAFF.
PERFECT.
[SNIFF SNIFF]
I SMELL STEAK!
YAY, TEAM!
YAY, TEAM!
YAY, TEAM.
GO, CATS, GO.
PTUI!
THAT'S NOT STEAK!
CLEO!
10 SECONDS.
5 SECONDS
I GOT IT!
21
YAY!
YAY!
[TWEEEET]
GAME'S OVER!
YOU BIG DOPE.
WHY, I OUGHT TO--
YIKES!
YIKES!
COME BACK HERE!
2, 4, 6, 8!
WHO DO WE APPRECIATE?
OUR TEAM, OUR TEAM!
YAYYYY! ♪
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO WON?
WE MAKE A GREAT TEAM.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL AND
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION