Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s02e12 Episode Script
Feline Good/Off-Road Racer
1
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
Heathcliff: ONE FILLE
OF FLOUNDER, COMING UP,
MA PETITE CHAT.
AHH
UGH
WHEN DID THEY RAISE
THIS THING?
HEE HEE HEE!
GOTCHAHUH?
AAH!
OOF!
Shopkeeper: COME BACK WHEN
WE LOWER OUR STANDARD, TUBBO!
HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE!
OOF!
TSK TSK TSK!
CATCH YOU LATER,
SPORT.
KNUCKLES HAS SOME
SALMON HE'S POACHING.
HEY, YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO HURT A GUY, SONJA.
THINK I'LL DROWN MY SORROWS
WITH SOME WHIPPING CREAM.
AH-AAH!
OOF!
HOW HUMILIATING.
HEE HEE HEE!
TWO QUARTS OF WHIPPING CREAM
FOR THE NUTMEGS.
OH!
OOF! UGH! AH!
AAH!
AND A HALF PINT OF
NONFAT FOR CHUBS. HA HA.
BON APPETIT.
[GULP]
AHH
HITS THE SPOT.
[PANTING]
WHEN DID THESE STEPS
GET SO HIGH?
AT LEAST I KNOW GRANDMA
KEPT A HOME BREAKFAST BURNING.
WHAT?!
MY COMPLIMENTS
TO THE CHEF-ETTE.
THE FRIED EGGS AND SAUSAGE
WERE MAGNIFIQUE.
GRR
THIS PLACE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE 4 OF US!
HUH?HUH?
HUH?
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
IT AIN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR YOU.
[GRUNTING]
CATCH YOU AT BRUNCH,
CHUBBY.
CIAO!
GRR
RROWR!
THE HOLLANDAISE
MADE THE MEAL.
GRR
AH, DON'T GET UP.
I CAN FIND MY WAY OUT.
Heathcliff:
IF YOU HAD ANY MERCY,
YOU'D GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Big cat:
MERCY, MY FOOT!
AAH!
HA HA HA HA!
OOF!
THESE KIPPERS
ARE GOING COLD.
WHERE ISTHAT MAN?
GRANDPA?
GRANDPA?
KIPPERS!
MY SEVENTH-FAVORITE FISH!
AAH!
OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
Grandpa: HEATHCLIFF,
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
JUST CALM DOWN,
DEAR.
I'LL MAKE YOU
SOME MORE KIPPERS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE
TO EAT MYKIPPERS?
HE ALREADY CLEANED
HIS OWN BOWL OF FOOD!
OOF!
DON'T GET YOUR
BLOOD PRESSURE UP,
GRANDPA.
LISTEN TO THE RADIO
WHILE I COOK YOU
A FRESH BATCH.
Radio announcer: SO STAY
OFF THAT FREEWAY TODAY,
AND NOW, HERE'S A SPECIAL
MESSAGE FOR YOU PET OWNERS.
Man: ARE YOUR MANX
BUILT LIKE TANKS?
IS YOUR PERSIAN EMERGIN'?
IN A WORD,
IS YOUR CAT TOO FAT?
DANG TOOTIN'!
THIS IS BIFF BICEPS,
OWNER OF FELINE GOOD,
THE HEALTH SPA
FOR TODAY'S CAT.
IF YOUR TABBY'S TOO FLABBY,
THEN COME ON DOWN.
WHY, YOU'D THINK
HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT HEATHCLIFF!
WHERE ARE YOU
GOING, DEAR?
HE WASTALKING
ABOUT HEATHCLIFF.
[GULP]
Heathcliff: GIRTH,
DON'T FAIL ME NOW!
YAH! YOW!
OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
GET BACK HERE, LARDO!
MEOWR!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING TO ME!
MEOWR!
IS YOUR FELINE
SHAPED LIKE
A SEA LION?
IS YOUR ANGORA
ALL OVER THE FLOOR-A?
IS YOUR--
CUT THE SPIEL,
BICEPS.
I BROUGHT YOU A HORRIBLE
SPECIMEN OF CAT-HOOD.
SHAPE HIM UP,
AND DON'T SPARE
THE SWEATBAND!
EACH PROGRAM IS
SCIENTIFICALLY DESIGNED TO--
FIX HIM UP
OR SELL HIM.
HERE!
GOTCHA.
YOWR!
TAKE A BREAK,
FAT CAT.
IT'S THE LAST ONE
YOU'LL GET.
I'VE GOT TO WARM UP
THE RACK. HA HA HA HA!
I'LL TAKE A BREAK
A PRISON BREAK.
OOH
OOH, WHAT'S THIS?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NOW, THIS IS WHAT I CALL
"FELINE GOOD."
GET DOWN
GET FUNKY
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HE'S PUDGY,
BUT CUTE!
LIGHT ON HIS FEE
FOR BEING SO HEAVY.
WE'LL HELP YOU WORK OFF
THIS EXTRA PADDING, CUTIE.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
DON'T JUMP, GIRLS.
THERE'S PLENTY HERE
FOR EVERYONE.
[HORN HONKS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[RING RING]
I'LL JUS
CHECK THIS OUT.
IT WOULD BE
PERFECT FOR
HEATHCLIFF?!
I'LL CHECK HIM OUT
OUT OF LIFE!
[LAUGHTER]
PARTY'S OVER, GIRLS.
TIME FOR
AN ICE CREAM BREAK.
OH, WE CAN'
EAT ICE CREAM.
WE'RE ON A DIET!
THEN DO SOME DEEP KNEE BENDS
OVER A TUNA SHERBET!
AAH!
OH, NO!
OH, NO!
ICE CREAM DOES
SOUND GOOD RIGHT NOW.
I'LL CREAM YOUR ICE!
NOW, WHERE IS
THAT TUBBY CAT?
HERE, KITTY, KITTY!
UNH!
AH, THERE YOU ARE,
YOU LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
TIME FOR OUR
STRETCHING EXERCISES.
15 MINUTES OUGH
TO GET RID OF
THOSE FLABBY ARMS.
15 MINUTES OF THIS,
AND MY FLABBY ARMS ARE
GONNA FALL RIGHT OFF!
[GROANING]
I'LL GET YOU
FOR THIS, GRANDPA.
HUH?
THANK MY LUCKY
STARFISH.
I LIVED.
NOW TO TIGHTEN UP
THOSE SORRY PECS.
8 TIMES YOUR WEIGH
OUGHT TO DO IT.
NO CHEATING!
IT TOOK ME YEARS OF
SELF-INDULGENCE TO GE
MY CHEST THIS FLABBY.
COME ON! ONE
OHH!
I'VE GOT TO KEEP MY MIND
ON PLEASANT THOUGHTS,
OR I'LL CRACK UP.
80 POUNDS OF TUNA
UGH!
HUH?
GRR
RROWR!
WHEN I OPEN MY EYES,
THAT UGLY FACE'LL BE GONE.
HEY, THERE!
YIKES!
IT GOT WORSE!
UP WE GO, TIGER!
NOW THAT YOU'RE
WARMED UP,
WE CAN REALLY WORK ON
THOSE FLABBY HINDQUARTERS.
WHAT IS THIS,
A GYM OR A MEAT MARKET?
A BRISK PACE
FOR 20 MILES
WILL BE GOOD
FOR YOUR FLANKS.
JUST AS I THOUGHT
MEAT MARKET.
[CROWD CHEERING]
AHTHE MILK
OF HUMAN KINDNESS.
UNH!
UGH!
NO! NO! NO!
LYING DOWN ON THE JOB?
THIS WON'T DO.
YOU DO SEEM THINNER.
WHEW!
SEE WHAT YOU HAVE
TO LOOK FORWARD TO?
LUNCH?
MY LUNCH, NOT YOURS.
HA HA HA!
IS THIS AN ELECTRIC CHAIR?
THIS C-C-CAN'T B-BE
HAPPENING T-TO ME!
TH-TH-THIS CAN'T--
CAN'T BE REAL!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
ENOUGH!
I'VE HAD IT!
[STRAINING]
ENOUGH!
TIME TO CALL
THE CAT CAVALRY.
[BEEPING]
[CLANGING]
ALL RIGHT!
WE GOT THE MESSAGE!
IT'S FROM
HEATHCLIFF.
HE WANTS US TO GET OVER
TO FELINE GOOD ON THE DOUBLE.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Big cat:
"P.S., OR ELSE."
YOU CALLED,
BIG GUY?
HEY, HEATHCLIFF,
THIS EXERCISE STUFF
AGREES WITH YOUSE.
YEAH, BUT NOW
IT'S TIME FOR US
TO GIVE A LITTLE
INSTRUCTION.
TAKE NO PRISONERS!
WHOA!
WHATOHH
PUT ME DOWN!
I DIDN'T MEAN THERE!
OH, NO!
UNH!
UGH!
UGH!
OHHUGH!
OHH
[HEATHCLIFF WHISTLES]
Biff: NO! AAH!
Heathcliff: HEY, BIFF,
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
NO NO NO!
HEE HEE HEE!
NO NO NO!
COME, COMRADES.
THE ICE CREAM
TRUCK AWAITS.
Biff:
NOOH!
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
OOH, HUNKS!OOH, HUNKS!OOH, HUNKS!
WOW!
LOOK AT THAT BODY!
LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES!
MY HEATHY
[METALLIC CLATTERING]
THERE.
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGH
THIS TIME.
[CLICK, WHIR]
AAH!
OH!
HEY! CHANGE IT BACK!
CHANGE IT BACK!
OHH
I THOUGH
YOU FIXED IT.
MAYBE IF WE PUT SOMEONE
HEAVIER IN THAT SEAT,
IT WILL WORK.
MUNGO, YOU SI
OVER WHERE HECTOR IS.
DUHO.K.,
RIFF RAFF.
STOP HIM BEFORE
IT'S TOO LATE!
HE'LL CRUSH HECTOR WITH
HIS ENORMOUS WEIGHT!
Hector:
AAH! UHH
NO, MUNGO,
I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO SIT ON HECTOR.
I WANTED YOU
TO SIT OVER THERE
AND FOR HECTOR TO SI
IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
DUHOH.
NOW I
SHOULD WORK.
YEEAAH!
CHANGE IT BACK!
AM I INTERRUPTING
SOMETHING?
UH, WE WERE JUS
FIXING THE CAR.
PLEASE INTERRUPT!
WELL, I'VE JUST COME OVER
TO TELL YOU THA
I'VE BEEN NAMED MISS OFF-ROAD BY
THE OFF-ROAD RACERS ASSOCIATION.
I'LL BE PRESENTING THE TROPHY
TO THE WINNER OF
TOMORROW'S BIG RACE.
THAT'S GREAT, CLEO.
WE'LL COME BY AND WATCH YOU
GIVE OUT THE TROPHY.
WELL, I HAVE
A LOT TO DO
BEFORE TOMORROW,
SO I'LL
SEE YOU THERE.
BYE, RIFF RAFF.
BYE, CLEO.
IMAGINE THAT!
MY CLEO IS
MISS OFF-ROAD!
YEAH? WELL, IMAGINE HER
KISSING SOME OTHER GUY.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, HECTOR?
WHEN MISS OFF-ROAD
PRESENTS THE TROPHY,
SHE KISSES THE WINNER.
THEN SHE DANCES WITH
HIM AT THE BIG PARTY
AFTER THE RACE.
THEN THERE'S ONLY
ONE SOLUTION--
I HAVE TO WIN THE RACE
AND YOU 3 HAVE TO HELP ME.
DUHOH, BOY!
WE'RE GONNA RACE!
AAH!
[CRUNCH]
WHEN DID YOU DECIDE
TO ENTER THIS RACE?
WHEN I FOUND OU
THAT YOU WERE GONNA
KISS THE WINNER.
Race announcer:
DRIVERS,
TAKE YOUR PLACES
AT THE STARTING LINE.
DUHTHAT'S US!
THAT'S US!
GOOD LUCK, BOYS!
[WHISTLING]
IF THE SUN STAYS BRIGHT,
MY SOLAR-POWERED VAN
WILL WIN THIS RACE.
I FIXED THEM,
BILLY BOB.
HEY, GOOD WORK,
CLEM.
NOW I'M SURE TO WIN
THIS-HERE RACE.
Race announcer:
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES.
[ENGINES REV]
I'LL SEE Y'ALL ON
THE VICTORY STAND, CLEO.
YEAH. AND YOU'LL SEE ME
NEXT TO HER.
YAAH!
YAAH!YAAH!
HEE HEE.
I THINK I'LL WATCH
YOUR HANDIWORK, CLEM,
AND THEN RACE
WHOEVER'S LEFT.
HEE HEE HEE!
HEE HEE HEE!
[HISS]
HUH?
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Y'ALL READY TO FIX
THIS SOLAR-POWERED
VAN, CLEM?
I'M READY, BILLY BOB!
HUH?
HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA!
THAT'S ONE MORE DOWN.
Junkyard cats:
YAAH!
Hector: SLOW DOWN,
RIFF RAFF!
NO WAY. WE'VE GOT THE LEAD,
AND I'M GONNA KEEP IT.
THERE'S NO LEAD TO KEEP.
WE'RE WAY BEHIND THAT HEAP.
WHAT'S THAT?!
I'M SURE
GLAD WE TOOK THA
LITTLE OLD SHORTCUT.
HEE HEE HA HA HA!
YEAH, BUT THAT CADILLAC'S
GAINING ON US.
NO PROBLEM!
[TIRES SCREECH]
Mungo:
DUHHOW CAN YOU SEE
TO DRIVE, RIFF RAFF?
IT'S JUST LIKE DRIVING
IN THE CITY.
HUH?!
HUH?!
WELL, THIS LITTLE
OLD OIL SLICK OUGH
TO SLOW THEM DOWN.
HEY!
All: AAHAAH!
WHOAOHOH!
HA HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE!
THAT WAS
ALMOST SERIOUS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
ALMOST?
WHOA!
AAH!
All: AAH! AAH! AAH!
Riff Raff:
MUNGO, LEAN LEFT!
All: WHOAOH!
WHOO-WEE!
I BET THOSE GUYS
ARE MAD.
YIKES!
WHY DON'T YOU
ASK THEM?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK!
O.K., O.K.,
THAT'S IT.
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.
DO Y'ALL HAVE THOSE
TACKS I TOLD Y'ALL
TO BRING?
YEP. RIGHT HERE.
THROW THE TACKS IN FRON
OF THE WHEELS.
[POP POP POP]
[HISS]
[GASP]
I MEANT THEIRWHEELS!
OHH
NO!
[ENGINE REVS]
All: AAH! WHOA! OH!
OOF!
UH, MUNGO,
WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING OFF MY HEAD NOW?
DUHI'LL GET BACK TO YOU
ON THAT, RIFF RAFF.
Billy Bob:
THERE THEY ARE!
[ENGINES REVVING]
WE'RE GAINING
ON THEM NOW!
HEY, LOOK!
THAT SOLAR-POWERED
VAN IS BACK.
I'M GONNA GET RID OF
THAT GUY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Billy Bob, Clem:
YAHOO!
DUHHE'S GAINING
ON US, RIFF RAFF.
I KNOW!
I KNOW!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
YIKES!
WHOA!
All: AAHAAH!
Mungo: WELL,
WE'LL BE LEAVING NOW.
HA HA HA HA.
Clem: NOW WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, BILLY BOB?
[BUBBLING]
I DON'T KNOW
Riff Raff:
WHICH WAY, MUNGO?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
[WATER RUSHES]
Riff Raff:
O.K., MUNGO. WHICH WAY?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
[TIRES SCREECH]
WHICH WAY, MUNGO?!
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
WHAT?!
MUNGO, ARE YOU SURE
YOU KNOW HOW TO READ
A MAP?
UH-HUH. I DID
JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME
I KEPT US GOING BY
USING THE COMPASS.
WHAT COMPASS?!
THIS ONE.
MUNGO, THAT'S
PAINTED ON THERE!
NO MATTER HOW
YOU HOLD THE PAPER,
IT POINTS TO NORTH
ON THE MAP!
YEAH
I NOTICED THAT, TOO.
GIMME THAT!
I KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
[TIRES SCREECH]
Mungo: DUH
IT'S ALL MY FAUL
WE RAN OUT OF GAS?
THAT'S RIGHT.THAT'S RIGHT.
Riff Raff:
MUSH! MUSH!
HURRY!
WE'RE ALMOST THERE!
Billy Bob:
HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA!
I'LL SEE Y'ALL
AT THE FINISH LINE.
I'LL BE THE ONE
KISSING YOURGIRL!
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, MUNGO
THERE'S A BOX OF
KITTY CRACKERS WAITING
FOR YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.
OH, BOY!
[WHISTLING]
Riff Raff:
THERE! THERE!
WHAT?!
Riff Raff:
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
YAHOO!
[CLICKING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
All: HUH?
IT'S A GIRL!
THAT MEANS SHE'LL BE GETTING
HER TROPHY FROM MR.OFF-ROAD
UHH
OHH
OHH
OH! WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU MEAN THIS WAS
ALL FOR NOTHING?
OH, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
Iggy: EXERCISE IS GOOD
FOR KIDS AND CATS.
HUH?
TIME FOR YOUR EXERCISE!
OUCH! MIGHT AS WELL HUMOUR THE
KID. WON'T GET ANY RES
UNTIL I DO.
RUN WITH YOUR DOG. GET SOME
STRING AND PLAY WITH YOUR CAT.
IT'S GOOD FOR THEIR HEALTH, AND
THEY'LL LOVE YOU FOR IT.
OUCH! YEAH, BUT DON'T OVERDO IT!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE
BY FOX FAMILY CHANNEL
AND U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE
OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED
WITHOUT PERMISSION
OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
Heathcliff: ONE FILLE
OF FLOUNDER, COMING UP,
MA PETITE CHAT.
AHH
UGH
WHEN DID THEY RAISE
THIS THING?
HEE HEE HEE!
GOTCHAHUH?
AAH!
OOF!
Shopkeeper: COME BACK WHEN
WE LOWER OUR STANDARD, TUBBO!
HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE!
OOF!
TSK TSK TSK!
CATCH YOU LATER,
SPORT.
KNUCKLES HAS SOME
SALMON HE'S POACHING.
HEY, YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO HURT A GUY, SONJA.
THINK I'LL DROWN MY SORROWS
WITH SOME WHIPPING CREAM.
AH-AAH!
OOF!
HOW HUMILIATING.
HEE HEE HEE!
TWO QUARTS OF WHIPPING CREAM
FOR THE NUTMEGS.
OH!
OOF! UGH! AH!
AAH!
AND A HALF PINT OF
NONFAT FOR CHUBS. HA HA.
BON APPETIT.
[GULP]
AHH
HITS THE SPOT.
[PANTING]
WHEN DID THESE STEPS
GET SO HIGH?
AT LEAST I KNOW GRANDMA
KEPT A HOME BREAKFAST BURNING.
WHAT?!
MY COMPLIMENTS
TO THE CHEF-ETTE.
THE FRIED EGGS AND SAUSAGE
WERE MAGNIFIQUE.
GRR
THIS PLACE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE 4 OF US!
HUH?HUH?
HUH?
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
IT AIN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR YOU.
[GRUNTING]
CATCH YOU AT BRUNCH,
CHUBBY.
CIAO!
GRR
RROWR!
THE HOLLANDAISE
MADE THE MEAL.
GRR
AH, DON'T GET UP.
I CAN FIND MY WAY OUT.
Heathcliff:
IF YOU HAD ANY MERCY,
YOU'D GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Big cat:
MERCY, MY FOOT!
AAH!
HA HA HA HA!
OOF!
THESE KIPPERS
ARE GOING COLD.
WHERE ISTHAT MAN?
GRANDPA?
GRANDPA?
KIPPERS!
MY SEVENTH-FAVORITE FISH!
AAH!
OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
Grandpa: HEATHCLIFF,
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
JUST CALM DOWN,
DEAR.
I'LL MAKE YOU
SOME MORE KIPPERS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE
TO EAT MYKIPPERS?
HE ALREADY CLEANED
HIS OWN BOWL OF FOOD!
OOF!
DON'T GET YOUR
BLOOD PRESSURE UP,
GRANDPA.
LISTEN TO THE RADIO
WHILE I COOK YOU
A FRESH BATCH.
Radio announcer: SO STAY
OFF THAT FREEWAY TODAY,
AND NOW, HERE'S A SPECIAL
MESSAGE FOR YOU PET OWNERS.
Man: ARE YOUR MANX
BUILT LIKE TANKS?
IS YOUR PERSIAN EMERGIN'?
IN A WORD,
IS YOUR CAT TOO FAT?
DANG TOOTIN'!
THIS IS BIFF BICEPS,
OWNER OF FELINE GOOD,
THE HEALTH SPA
FOR TODAY'S CAT.
IF YOUR TABBY'S TOO FLABBY,
THEN COME ON DOWN.
WHY, YOU'D THINK
HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT HEATHCLIFF!
WHERE ARE YOU
GOING, DEAR?
HE WASTALKING
ABOUT HEATHCLIFF.
[GULP]
Heathcliff: GIRTH,
DON'T FAIL ME NOW!
YAH! YOW!
OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
GET BACK HERE, LARDO!
MEOWR!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING TO ME!
MEOWR!
IS YOUR FELINE
SHAPED LIKE
A SEA LION?
IS YOUR ANGORA
ALL OVER THE FLOOR-A?
IS YOUR--
CUT THE SPIEL,
BICEPS.
I BROUGHT YOU A HORRIBLE
SPECIMEN OF CAT-HOOD.
SHAPE HIM UP,
AND DON'T SPARE
THE SWEATBAND!
EACH PROGRAM IS
SCIENTIFICALLY DESIGNED TO--
FIX HIM UP
OR SELL HIM.
HERE!
GOTCHA.
YOWR!
TAKE A BREAK,
FAT CAT.
IT'S THE LAST ONE
YOU'LL GET.
I'VE GOT TO WARM UP
THE RACK. HA HA HA HA!
I'LL TAKE A BREAK
A PRISON BREAK.
OOH
OOH, WHAT'S THIS?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NOW, THIS IS WHAT I CALL
"FELINE GOOD."
GET DOWN
GET FUNKY
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HE'S PUDGY,
BUT CUTE!
LIGHT ON HIS FEE
FOR BEING SO HEAVY.
WE'LL HELP YOU WORK OFF
THIS EXTRA PADDING, CUTIE.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
DON'T JUMP, GIRLS.
THERE'S PLENTY HERE
FOR EVERYONE.
[HORN HONKS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[RING RING]
I'LL JUS
CHECK THIS OUT.
IT WOULD BE
PERFECT FOR
HEATHCLIFF?!
I'LL CHECK HIM OUT
OUT OF LIFE!
[LAUGHTER]
PARTY'S OVER, GIRLS.
TIME FOR
AN ICE CREAM BREAK.
OH, WE CAN'
EAT ICE CREAM.
WE'RE ON A DIET!
THEN DO SOME DEEP KNEE BENDS
OVER A TUNA SHERBET!
AAH!
OH, NO!
OH, NO!
ICE CREAM DOES
SOUND GOOD RIGHT NOW.
I'LL CREAM YOUR ICE!
NOW, WHERE IS
THAT TUBBY CAT?
HERE, KITTY, KITTY!
UNH!
AH, THERE YOU ARE,
YOU LITTLE BUTTERBALL.
TIME FOR OUR
STRETCHING EXERCISES.
15 MINUTES OUGH
TO GET RID OF
THOSE FLABBY ARMS.
15 MINUTES OF THIS,
AND MY FLABBY ARMS ARE
GONNA FALL RIGHT OFF!
[GROANING]
I'LL GET YOU
FOR THIS, GRANDPA.
HUH?
THANK MY LUCKY
STARFISH.
I LIVED.
NOW TO TIGHTEN UP
THOSE SORRY PECS.
8 TIMES YOUR WEIGH
OUGHT TO DO IT.
NO CHEATING!
IT TOOK ME YEARS OF
SELF-INDULGENCE TO GE
MY CHEST THIS FLABBY.
COME ON! ONE
OHH!
I'VE GOT TO KEEP MY MIND
ON PLEASANT THOUGHTS,
OR I'LL CRACK UP.
80 POUNDS OF TUNA
UGH!
HUH?
GRR
RROWR!
WHEN I OPEN MY EYES,
THAT UGLY FACE'LL BE GONE.
HEY, THERE!
YIKES!
IT GOT WORSE!
UP WE GO, TIGER!
NOW THAT YOU'RE
WARMED UP,
WE CAN REALLY WORK ON
THOSE FLABBY HINDQUARTERS.
WHAT IS THIS,
A GYM OR A MEAT MARKET?
A BRISK PACE
FOR 20 MILES
WILL BE GOOD
FOR YOUR FLANKS.
JUST AS I THOUGHT
MEAT MARKET.
[CROWD CHEERING]
AHTHE MILK
OF HUMAN KINDNESS.
UNH!
UGH!
NO! NO! NO!
LYING DOWN ON THE JOB?
THIS WON'T DO.
YOU DO SEEM THINNER.
WHEW!
SEE WHAT YOU HAVE
TO LOOK FORWARD TO?
LUNCH?
MY LUNCH, NOT YOURS.
HA HA HA!
IS THIS AN ELECTRIC CHAIR?
THIS C-C-CAN'T B-BE
HAPPENING T-TO ME!
TH-TH-THIS CAN'T--
CAN'T BE REAL!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
ENOUGH!
I'VE HAD IT!
[STRAINING]
ENOUGH!
TIME TO CALL
THE CAT CAVALRY.
[BEEPING]
[CLANGING]
ALL RIGHT!
WE GOT THE MESSAGE!
IT'S FROM
HEATHCLIFF.
HE WANTS US TO GET OVER
TO FELINE GOOD ON THE DOUBLE.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Big cat:
"P.S., OR ELSE."
YOU CALLED,
BIG GUY?
HEY, HEATHCLIFF,
THIS EXERCISE STUFF
AGREES WITH YOUSE.
YEAH, BUT NOW
IT'S TIME FOR US
TO GIVE A LITTLE
INSTRUCTION.
TAKE NO PRISONERS!
WHOA!
WHATOHH
PUT ME DOWN!
I DIDN'T MEAN THERE!
OH, NO!
UNH!
UGH!
UGH!
OHHUGH!
OHH
[HEATHCLIFF WHISTLES]
Biff: NO! AAH!
Heathcliff: HEY, BIFF,
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
NO NO NO!
HEE HEE HEE!
NO NO NO!
COME, COMRADES.
THE ICE CREAM
TRUCK AWAITS.
Biff:
NOOH!
HA HA HA!HA HA HA!HA HA HA!
OOH, HUNKS!OOH, HUNKS!OOH, HUNKS!
WOW!
LOOK AT THAT BODY!
LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES!
MY HEATHY
[METALLIC CLATTERING]
THERE.
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGH
THIS TIME.
[CLICK, WHIR]
AAH!
OH!
HEY! CHANGE IT BACK!
CHANGE IT BACK!
OHH
I THOUGH
YOU FIXED IT.
MAYBE IF WE PUT SOMEONE
HEAVIER IN THAT SEAT,
IT WILL WORK.
MUNGO, YOU SI
OVER WHERE HECTOR IS.
DUHO.K.,
RIFF RAFF.
STOP HIM BEFORE
IT'S TOO LATE!
HE'LL CRUSH HECTOR WITH
HIS ENORMOUS WEIGHT!
Hector:
AAH! UHH
NO, MUNGO,
I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO SIT ON HECTOR.
I WANTED YOU
TO SIT OVER THERE
AND FOR HECTOR TO SI
IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
DUHOH.
NOW I
SHOULD WORK.
YEEAAH!
CHANGE IT BACK!
AM I INTERRUPTING
SOMETHING?
UH, WE WERE JUS
FIXING THE CAR.
PLEASE INTERRUPT!
WELL, I'VE JUST COME OVER
TO TELL YOU THA
I'VE BEEN NAMED MISS OFF-ROAD BY
THE OFF-ROAD RACERS ASSOCIATION.
I'LL BE PRESENTING THE TROPHY
TO THE WINNER OF
TOMORROW'S BIG RACE.
THAT'S GREAT, CLEO.
WE'LL COME BY AND WATCH YOU
GIVE OUT THE TROPHY.
WELL, I HAVE
A LOT TO DO
BEFORE TOMORROW,
SO I'LL
SEE YOU THERE.
BYE, RIFF RAFF.
BYE, CLEO.
IMAGINE THAT!
MY CLEO IS
MISS OFF-ROAD!
YEAH? WELL, IMAGINE HER
KISSING SOME OTHER GUY.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, HECTOR?
WHEN MISS OFF-ROAD
PRESENTS THE TROPHY,
SHE KISSES THE WINNER.
THEN SHE DANCES WITH
HIM AT THE BIG PARTY
AFTER THE RACE.
THEN THERE'S ONLY
ONE SOLUTION--
I HAVE TO WIN THE RACE
AND YOU 3 HAVE TO HELP ME.
DUHOH, BOY!
WE'RE GONNA RACE!
AAH!
[CRUNCH]
WHEN DID YOU DECIDE
TO ENTER THIS RACE?
WHEN I FOUND OU
THAT YOU WERE GONNA
KISS THE WINNER.
Race announcer:
DRIVERS,
TAKE YOUR PLACES
AT THE STARTING LINE.
DUHTHAT'S US!
THAT'S US!
GOOD LUCK, BOYS!
[WHISTLING]
IF THE SUN STAYS BRIGHT,
MY SOLAR-POWERED VAN
WILL WIN THIS RACE.
I FIXED THEM,
BILLY BOB.
HEY, GOOD WORK,
CLEM.
NOW I'M SURE TO WIN
THIS-HERE RACE.
Race announcer:
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES.
[ENGINES REV]
I'LL SEE Y'ALL ON
THE VICTORY STAND, CLEO.
YEAH. AND YOU'LL SEE ME
NEXT TO HER.
YAAH!
YAAH!YAAH!
HEE HEE.
I THINK I'LL WATCH
YOUR HANDIWORK, CLEM,
AND THEN RACE
WHOEVER'S LEFT.
HEE HEE HEE!
HEE HEE HEE!
[HISS]
HUH?
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
Y'ALL READY TO FIX
THIS SOLAR-POWERED
VAN, CLEM?
I'M READY, BILLY BOB!
HUH?
HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA!
THAT'S ONE MORE DOWN.
Junkyard cats:
YAAH!
Hector: SLOW DOWN,
RIFF RAFF!
NO WAY. WE'VE GOT THE LEAD,
AND I'M GONNA KEEP IT.
THERE'S NO LEAD TO KEEP.
WE'RE WAY BEHIND THAT HEAP.
WHAT'S THAT?!
I'M SURE
GLAD WE TOOK THA
LITTLE OLD SHORTCUT.
HEE HEE HA HA HA!
YEAH, BUT THAT CADILLAC'S
GAINING ON US.
NO PROBLEM!
[TIRES SCREECH]
Mungo:
DUHHOW CAN YOU SEE
TO DRIVE, RIFF RAFF?
IT'S JUST LIKE DRIVING
IN THE CITY.
HUH?!
HUH?!
WELL, THIS LITTLE
OLD OIL SLICK OUGH
TO SLOW THEM DOWN.
HEY!
All: AAHAAH!
WHOAOHOH!
HA HA HA HA!
HEE HEE HEE!
THAT WAS
ALMOST SERIOUS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
ALMOST?
WHOA!
AAH!
All: AAH! AAH! AAH!
Riff Raff:
MUNGO, LEAN LEFT!
All: WHOAOH!
WHOO-WEE!
I BET THOSE GUYS
ARE MAD.
YIKES!
WHY DON'T YOU
ASK THEM?
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK!
O.K., O.K.,
THAT'S IT.
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.
DO Y'ALL HAVE THOSE
TACKS I TOLD Y'ALL
TO BRING?
YEP. RIGHT HERE.
THROW THE TACKS IN FRON
OF THE WHEELS.
[POP POP POP]
[HISS]
[GASP]
I MEANT THEIRWHEELS!
OHH
NO!
[ENGINE REVS]
All: AAH! WHOA! OH!
OOF!
UH, MUNGO,
WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING OFF MY HEAD NOW?
DUHI'LL GET BACK TO YOU
ON THAT, RIFF RAFF.
Billy Bob:
THERE THEY ARE!
[ENGINES REVVING]
WE'RE GAINING
ON THEM NOW!
HEY, LOOK!
THAT SOLAR-POWERED
VAN IS BACK.
I'M GONNA GET RID OF
THAT GUY ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Billy Bob, Clem:
YAHOO!
DUHHE'S GAINING
ON US, RIFF RAFF.
I KNOW!
I KNOW!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
YIKES!
WHOA!
All: AAHAAH!
Mungo: WELL,
WE'LL BE LEAVING NOW.
HA HA HA HA.
Clem: NOW WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, BILLY BOB?
[BUBBLING]
I DON'T KNOW
Riff Raff:
WHICH WAY, MUNGO?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
[WATER RUSHES]
Riff Raff:
O.K., MUNGO. WHICH WAY?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
[TIRES SCREECH]
WHICH WAY, MUNGO?!
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
WHAT?!
MUNGO, ARE YOU SURE
YOU KNOW HOW TO READ
A MAP?
UH-HUH. I DID
JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME
I KEPT US GOING BY
USING THE COMPASS.
WHAT COMPASS?!
THIS ONE.
MUNGO, THAT'S
PAINTED ON THERE!
NO MATTER HOW
YOU HOLD THE PAPER,
IT POINTS TO NORTH
ON THE MAP!
YEAH
I NOTICED THAT, TOO.
GIMME THAT!
I KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
[TIRES SCREECH]
Mungo: DUH
IT'S ALL MY FAUL
WE RAN OUT OF GAS?
THAT'S RIGHT.THAT'S RIGHT.
Riff Raff:
MUSH! MUSH!
HURRY!
WE'RE ALMOST THERE!
Billy Bob:
HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA HA HA!
I'LL SEE Y'ALL
AT THE FINISH LINE.
I'LL BE THE ONE
KISSING YOURGIRL!
I'VE GOT IT!
HEY, MUNGO
THERE'S A BOX OF
KITTY CRACKERS WAITING
FOR YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.
OH, BOY!
[WHISTLING]
Riff Raff:
THERE! THERE!
WHAT?!
Riff Raff:
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
YAHOO!
[CLICKING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
All: HUH?
IT'S A GIRL!
THAT MEANS SHE'LL BE GETTING
HER TROPHY FROM MR.OFF-ROAD
UHH
OHH
OHH
OH! WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU MEAN THIS WAS
ALL FOR NOTHING?
OH, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
Iggy: EXERCISE IS GOOD
FOR KIDS AND CATS.
HUH?
TIME FOR YOUR EXERCISE!
OUCH! MIGHT AS WELL HUMOUR THE
KID. WON'T GET ANY RES
UNTIL I DO.
RUN WITH YOUR DOG. GET SOME
STRING AND PLAY WITH YOUR CAT.
IT'S GOOD FOR THEIR HEALTH, AND
THEY'LL LOVE YOU FOR IT.
OUCH! YEAH, BUT DON'T OVERDO IT!
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