Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s02e14 Episode Script

1
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
BRING THOSE BACK!
OHH! VERY FUNNY.
WE THOUGHT SO.
HA HA HA!
OK. LET'S DIVIDE UP
THE STUFF.
WHO WANTS THAT?
I BELIEVE I'LL
TAKE IT ALL.
I SAID,
I'LL TAKE IT ALL.
YEAH? AND WHO
ARE YOU?
THE NAME'S JAKE,
AND I'M TAKING OVER
THIS TERRITORY,
SO HAND OVER
THE FISH.
HA HA HA!
TAKE A HIKE,
JAKE.
AAH!
HUH?HUH?
[TREMBLING]
AAH!
PUT ME DOWN!
I THINK I'M
GETTING SICK.
OOH! OH! UH!
HEH HEH HEH!
NOW I'LL TAKE
MY FISH.
HEATHCLIFF ISN'
GOING TO LIKE THIS.
THIS IS HIS TERRITORY.
WELL, THEN TELL
THIS HEATHCLIFF
TO COME AND SEE ME.
BEAT I
BEFORE I HAVE TO COME
AND SEE YOU IN THE HOSPITAL.
NO ONE TALKS
TO ME LIKE THAT,
FUR BUCKET.
UHH!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
UH, IS THIS WHA
YOU WAS TRYING TO DO?
UH!
NOW WHOSE TERRITORY
IS IT?
YOURS.
HA HA HA!
THAT'S FUNNY!
YOU!
THANKS,
HEATHCLIFF.
Heathcliff:
ANYTIME, GUYS.
YUM.
OHH.OHH.
NO ONE HUMILIATES ME LIKE THAT.
I'LL SHOW THAT HEATHCLIFF.
HEH HEH HEH!
BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED,
THEY'LL RIDE HIM OUT OF TOWN
ON A RAIL.
HUH?
I DON'T WAN
ANY TROUBLE TODAY,
HEATHCLIFF.
I'M ALREADY LATE.
UHHHUH?
WELL, HEATHCLIFF MUST HAVE
TURNED OVER A NEW LEAF.
HEE HEE HEE!
[BOTTLES BREAKING]
NO!
THIS TIME, YOU'VE GONE
TOO FAR, HEATHCLIFF!
I WAS HOPING
HE'D SAY THAT.
GOTCHA!
NOW YOU'RE
GOING TO THE POUND.
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
IT'S HEATHCLIFF.
COME ON, YOU BUMS. BEAT IT!
I'M SETTING YOU FREE.
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[BARKING]
UNGRATEFUL MUTTS!
HEY! WHAT'S
HAPPENED?
HEY! COME BACK HERE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
I DIDN'T DO THIS.
HEATHCLIFF!
COME BACK,
HEATHCLIFF!
SO THIS IS WHERE
THE FUZZBALL LIVES.
FIRST THING
IS TO MAKE SURE
HE'S NOT HOME.
[SNORING]
ALL CLEAR.
[BAM]
[MUTTERING]
KISS ME,
YOU FOOL.
[BAM BAM]
I'M COMING!
I'M COMING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
KICK THE DOOR DOWN.
OUCH!
[PLATES BREAKING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
OOF! HEATHCLIFF!
HEATHCLIFF!
COME HERE.
OOH!
I'VE GOT YOU NOW.
HUH? HEY! COME BACK HERE!
HUH?
OHH!
WHEE! WHEE!
THERE YOU ARE. OH! OH.
WHEE! WHEE!
IF I GET MY HANDS ON YOU
Heathcliff: I WONDER
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
LOOKS LIKE A MEETING
OF MY FAN CLUB.
HE'S A MENACE
TO THIS TOWN.
HE'S RUINING
MY BUSINESS.
YOU'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOU
THAT CAT, NUTMEG.
THEY FLATTER ME.
I'D LIKE
TO GET MY HANDS ON HIM
AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
HEATHCLIFF
DID THAT STUFF.
DID WHAT?
I TELL YOU, HE DESTROYED
EVERY BOTTLE OF MILK
ANDMY TRUCK.
AND HE LET EVERY DOG
I CAUGHT GO FREE.
AND HE TORE
THE FRONT OFF
MY MARKET!
I KNOW I'M A LIVING LEGEND,
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
SOMEBODY'S BEEN MAKING PEOPLE
THINK I DID THAT STUFF.
I'VE GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS
JUST BEING ME.
HEATHCLIFF WOULDN'T DO
ANY OF THAT STUFF.
WOULD YOU, HEATHCLIFF?
All: HEATHCLIFF?!
I THINK HE'S TRYING TO TELL US
IT WAS AN IMPOSTOR.
IMPOSTOR? THERE'S
ONLY ONE HEATHCLIFF.
YEAH. LET'S GET HIM!
A MOB IS AN UGLY THING.
HEY!
COME BACK HERE!
Iggy: HEATHCLIFF!
HEATHCLIFF, WAIT.
COME WITH ME, BUDDY.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO SHOW YOU.
STOP, HEATHCLIFF.
WE'VE GOT TO BE
CAREFUL.
OH, YEAH. CAREFUL NO
TO LET THE GUYS FROM
THE LOONY BIN SEE US.
SEE, HEATHCLIFF?
THAT KITTY'S
IMPERSONATING YOU.
Heathcliff: AMAZING
HOW LONG IT TAKES HUMANS
TO CATCH ON TO THINGS.
OH, HI, HEATHCLIFF.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
HEATHCLIFF!
LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO MY NEWSPAPERS.
COME BACK HERE!
YOU--YOU ANIMAL.
HMM. THIS IS ONE
SHREWD CAT, HEATHCLIFF.
WE'VE GOT TO PLAY HIS GAME
IF WE'RE GOING TO CATCH HIM.
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
[WHISPERING]
HEE HEE HEE!
SOMETIMES I REALLY
LIKE THAT KID.
WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE
TOO MUCH LONGER
BEFORE THE WHOLE TOWN
IS IN AN UPROAR.
THEN THE WHOLE TOWN
WILL BE MINE. ALLMINE.
[YAWNS]
[SNORING]
THERE HE IS, HEATHCLIFF.
I HOPE WE'RE NOT GOING
TOO FAR WITH THIS.
AFTER WHAT THA
CAT DID TO ME?
OK, OK. I GUESS
HE DESERVES IT. HA HA!
IF HE WANTS TO BE HEATHCLIFF,
HE'S GOT TO BE WILLING
TO TAKE THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
COME ON.
THIS GLUE IS GOING TO
MAKE THINGS A LITTLE
STICKY FOR YOU, JERK.
[SOBBING]
HEATHCLIFF, WAKE UP.
HEATHCLIFF, YOUR TESTS
CAME BACK FROM THE VET,
AND YOU'VE GO
CATAFUNGALOPUS.
CATAFUNGALOPUS?
YOU'VE GOT TO
HAVE AN OPERATION
IMMEDIATELY.
HOPE YOU GET BETTER
REAL SOON. HEE HEE HEE!
Hector: BON VOYAGE!
YEAH. DON'T FORGE
TO WRITE.
PARTING IS SUCH
SWEET SORROW.
BYE-BYE!
A PICNIC CRUISE
IS SO ROMANTIC,
I HOPE THEY DON'T GE
SEASICK FRANTIC.
MAKE SURE MY CAR
IS WASHED AND WAXED,
OR YOU'LL LOSE ALL YOUR
CADILLAC PRIVILEGES!
WHY DO WE HAVE TO
POLISH HIS HEAP?
HEY!
OURS IS NOT TO REASON WHY.
OURS IS BUT TO WASH AND DRY.
YEAH. AM I GOING TO
GIVE THAT CADDY
THE BEST SHINE EVER.
THE BOSS WILL BE
SO PROUD.
WHOA!
HI, HECTOR.
WANT TO JOG WITH US?
ALL RIGHT!
OW!
TEMPTATION IS BECKONING,
BUT RIFFRAFF IS RECKONING.
WHOA!
THIS IS TOO MUCH
TO RESIST.
DUH, CHARGE!
WOW!WOW!
IT'S GREAT TO GE
THE OLD HEAP BACK.
I'M GOING TO
RESTORE THIS BABY.
I'M GLAD
TO BE RID OF IT,
MR. SCHWECKNER.
THAT CAR ATTRACTS
THE STRANGES
CREATURES.
CREATURES?
MMM.
[SLURP]
HUH?
THE CAR!
MMM! WHAT CAR?
DUH, THAT CAR.
TELL ME, MUNGO,
THAT YOU'RE MISTAKEN.
THAT CAN'T BE RIFFRAFF'S
CAR THEY'RE TAKING!
DUH, THE HECK
IT AIN'T.
YOU DON'T HAVE
THE CADILLAC?!
All: WE DON'T HAVE
THE CADILLAC.
YOU TWITS!
YOU IDIOTS!
YOU FLEA-BITTEN
FURBAGS!
OHH!
[MUTTERING]
THERE, THERE.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
WHEN WE TALK IT OVER.
IT'S OK, MUNGO.
I'M MUCH CALMER NOW.
SWEAR ON THE JUNK
OF YOUR FOREFATHERS.
I SWEAR ON THE JUNK
OF MY FOREFATHERS
THAT YOU IDIOTS
WON'T EAT OR SLEEP
OR HAVE A MOMENT'S PEACE
UNTIL THAT CADILLAC
IS RIGHT BACK HERE
WHERE IT BELONGS!
A LITTLE
TO THE LEFT,
BOSS.
Riffraff: NOW GET CRACKING!
CHECKED OUT FRON
AND CHECKED IN BACK.
STILL NO SIGN
OF THE CADILLAC.
OOH! UH!
LAST JUNKYARD, AND STILL
NO SIGN OF IT, RIFF.
BOY, THIS PLACE IS SURE
GOING TO THE DOGS.
[GROWLING]
Riffraff:
KEEP LOOKING.
WHOA! OHH! AYE, AYE.
RIGHT, BOSS.
HUH?
ENOUGH FOR NOW.
GOOD TO HAVE
THE OLD CAR BACK.
UH, WAIT'LL I TELL THE BOSS.
THIS IS THE PROUDEST DAY
OF MY LIFE.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE, MUNGO.
TRY TO THINK.
YOU PUT THE WIRE BETWEEN
POINT "A" AND POINT "B"
UNDER THE DASHBOARD.
GOT IT?
DUH, YEAH, BOSS.
THEN THE ENGINE STARTS,
AND I DRIVE AWAY.
IT'S AS SIMPLE AS
"A," "B," UH"Q."
OHH! UHH!
UHH!
[ALARM SOUNDING]
OH!OH!OH!
DUH, LET'S SEE.
POINT "A" AND POINT "B."
DUH, I THINK
I HEAR SOMETHING.
Riffraff: HOIS
HIM OUT, QUICK!
OH.
MUNGO DIDN'T MEAN
ANY HARM.
WHO'D EVER GUESS
THE OWNER WOULD
INSTALL AN ALARM?
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MUNGO.
YOU GAVE I
YOUR BEST SHOT.
I THINK I'LL JUS
RECUPERATE FOR A WHILE.
OOPS!
YAA!
THEN AGAIN,
MAYBE I'LL GO GE
THE CADILLAC BACK.
AND DON'T SPARE THE HORSEPOWER.
WE WANT THIS PLAN TO WORK.
DUH, I GOT THE HORSES
LIKE YOU ASKED,
BUT THE COPS
WERE AWFUL MAD.
Riffraff: OK, MUNGO.
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
BUT THE COPS.
FORGET THE COPS!
WHATEVER YOU SAY, BOSS.
UHH!
Riffraff: OHH!
DUH, THOSE COPS WILL
BE HERE ANY MINUTE, BOSS.
[RIFFRAFF MUTTERING]
DUH, THAT'S NO
NICE LANGUAGE, BOSS.
UHH!
STOP IN THE NAME
OF THE LAW!
WHOA!WHOA!
YOU SHOULD LEARN SOME MANNERS,
LIKE THE NICE KITTY
BY THE FENCE.
DID YOU HEAR
THAT, BOSS?
THEY SAID
I WAS ABOSS?
BOSS?
Riffraff: SO MUCH
FOR PLAN "B."
I KNEW HE WOULDN'
LET US DOWN.
THE BOSS IS SPRINGING US
FROM THE POUND.
YOU GUYS ARE MORE TROUBLE
THAN YOU'RE WORTH.
YEAH? SO WHY ARE
YOU SPRINGING US?
WHOA!
[SIGH]
BECAUSE I NEED YOU
FOR PLAN "C."
NICE GOING, MUNGO.
NOW SIT ON THE FENCE
AND RELAY MY DIRECTIONS.
DUH, UH, TAKE I
FROM THE TOP.
I LEARNED THA
ON TV.
GETTING WARMER.
UH, DUHBUT WE
GOT TO HURRY
BECAUSE--
NEVER MIND THAT!
DROP IT!
Mungo: DROP IT!
WHOA!
WE'RE GOING TO
GET THIS RIGHT YET!
EASY DOES IT.
EASY DOES IT.
Schweckner: HEY!
HUH?
GET YOUR PAWS OFF
THEM CONTROLS.
OH!AAH!
OH!
OH, THE GUY
AT THE JUNKYARD WAS RIGHT.
THIS CAR DOES ATTRAC
STRANGE ANIMALS.
THIS IS GETTING
TO BE A HABIT.
AND OFF TO THE POUND
WITH YOU.
MEET ME A
THE JUNKYARD, MUNGO.
I'VE GOT TO SPRING
THESE CLOWNS AGAIN.
NEXT TIME, DO US
A FAVOR AND LEAVE US
IN THE SLAMMER.
HEY, BE GRATEFUL
I DIDN'T USE ALL
THE DYNAMITE.
NOW HERE'S
PLAN "D."
SCARY BALLOONS?
CHECK.
PAINT?
CHECK.
TAPE RECORDER?
NIX. THE BIG ONE!
CHAINS?
CHECK.
SHEETS AND NOISEMAKERS.
HEAD 'EM UP
AND MOVE 'EM OUT.
HMM. NO ENGINE, NO TIRES,
AND I'M GOING TO
MAKE SURE NO
STRANGE ANIMALS
BOTHER THIS BABY
TONIGHT.
AHH, NO NEED
OF THE ALARM
WITH MURRAY
ON THE JOB.
[SNORING]
HE'S ASLEEP. LET'S GO!
[SNORING]
OH! YEOW!
SHH!
TESTING. 1, 2.
HUH? WHAT?
ROCK-A-BYE,
SCHWECKNER ♪
GO BACK
TO SLEEP ♪
LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION!
GOSH, I LIKE SAYING THAT.
CONTACT.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
HUH? WHAT'S GOING ON?
Wordsworth: THE DAY YOU TOOK
THE HAUNTED CADDY,
THE CAR THA
BARELY COASTS,
YOU WOKE A SLEEPING ARMY
OF ANGRY FELINE GHOSTS.
Mungo: DUH, BOO!
AAH!
DOUBLE BOO!
AAH! WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?
[CLINK CLANK]
THE CADILLAC
IS HAUNTED!
1, 2
LEAVE ME ALONE!
DUH, I'M EVEN SCARING
MYSELF, BOSS.
Wordsworth:
YOU'LL HAVE NO PEACE,
YOU BIG, UGLY BADDIE,
UNTIL YOU RELEASE
THE HAUNTED CADDY.
TAKE YOUR CADDY!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
HELP!
[CRASH]
O-OPERATOR? OPERATOR?
GET ME THE JUNKYARD.
YES. THIS IS
AN EMERGENCY!
HAUNTED? UH, SURE,
I'LL COME TOW IT.
[HONKING HORN]
Junkyard man:
I GUESS IT KNOWS
THE WAY HOME.
GREAT DAY FOR FISHING!
[PANTING]
OH, I ALMOST FORGOT TO LEAVE A
WINDOW OPEN FOR LEROY.
ON A HOT DAY A CLOSED UP CAR CAN
BECOME AN OVEN
IN ONLY 5
MINUTES.
SO PROTECT YOUR PETS. DON'
LEAVE THEM IN A CLOSED UP CAR
ON A WARM DAY.
CAPTIONING
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FOX FAMILY CHANNEL
AND U.S. DEPARTMEN
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