Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s02e18 Episode Script

1
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY
THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
ANOTHER DAY
WITHOUT FOOD,
I'M GOING
TO LOSE MY
PERFECT FIGURE.
NICK, WAKE UP.
I'M HUNGRY.
[SNORING]
YOU'RE NO HELP.
OH, NO!
I'M SO WEAK,
I CAN'T SEE.
SOPHIE? SOPHIE?
SOPHIE! SOPHIE!
PEA-BRAIN,
IT'S JUST A USELESS
BANANA PEEL.
NOW, GET YOUR TAIL
IN GEAR.
LET'S TRY TO CON
SOME BREAKFAST.
[SNIFFING]
[NOISY CHEWING]
MMM.
AHH.
WASTE NOT.
WANT NOT.
[GULPS]
MMM. THE SWEET SMELL
OF FISH.
AHH.
CAVIAR, SUSHI,
LOBSTER, ANYTHING.
FEED US.
DO THEY MAKE
DIET CAVIAR?
HA HA.
SORRY.
BUT WE CAN'T HELP
YOU CATS OUT.
WELL, WE TRIED
TO BE NICE.
NICK,
GO GET 'EM.
[MUTTERING]
ROCKY, EA
YOUR HEART OUT.
[MUTTERING]
OK, BOYS,
I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU.
WE'RE HUNGRY,
AND WE'RE BROKE.
YOU KNOW ANY SUCKERS
WE CAN SCAM
SOME FOOD FROM?
SUCKER?
FOOD?
[LAUGHING]
All: HEATHCLIFF.
I CAN'T THINK
OF ANYONE
I'D RATHER SEE
PART WITH
THEIR FISH
MORE THAN
HEATHCLIFF.
Together: HA.
SPIKE,
WHERE ARE YOU?
HEATHCLIFF,
YOU'RE ALL
SMILES TODAY.
THE STARS SAY
TODAY IS MY LUCKY DAY.
THERE'S NO STARS
UP THERE.
AAH!
[WHIMPERING]
[HEATHCLIFF AND SPIKE GROWLING]
NOW CAN YOU
SEE THE STARS?
SURE. SURE.
I SEE THEM.
THAT'S THE CA
WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO SCAM ON?
INSTANT FORTUNE-TELLER.
Woman:
MY CLEAN LAUNDRY.
STOP THAT,
YOU BAD CAT!
STOP THAT,
YOU RASCAL!
UH! OH!
[GASPS]
ONE CRYSTAL BALL
COMING UP.
YIKES!
Sophie: AAH!
OH!
ARE YOU OK,
MA'AM?
I--I--
I THINK SO.
[CRASH]
YOU SAVED
HER LIFE.
YOU MIND IF
I PUT YOU DOWN
AND SAVE MY OWN LIFE?
[MOANS]
YOU HAVE
A VERY POWERFUL PRESENCE.
YEAH, YOU'RE
NOT EXACTLY
AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER.
NO. YOU CAN SENSE
SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTAN
ABOUT YOUR FUTURE.
LEAD ME TO A QUIET,
DARK PLACE.
A DARK PLACE?
OOH. AHH. OH.
OH. OOH.
MMM. AHH. OH.
OH, WHAT HAVE I
GOTTEN MYSELF
INTO THIS TIME?
SHH. SILENCE.
I SEE A TALKING TREE
WILL GIVE YOU
GOOD ADVICE.
NEXT YOU'LL
CHANGE FROM ORANGE
TO WHITE CAT.
FINALLY, A STRANGER
GIVE YOU 20 CASES
EXPENSIVE CAVIAR
IN YOUR GARAGE
TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT.
[MOANS]
20 CASES OF CAVIAR?
WHAT A JOKE.
TREES CAN'T TALK.
Nick, different voice:
DON'T SIT UNDER ME.
HUH?
WHY--WHY
SHOULDN'T I?
A THUNDERSTORM'S COMING,
AND YOU COULD BE
STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.
[SHUDDERS]
PREDICTION
NUMBER ONE--
COMPLETE.
[SLURPS]
A GUY COULD RETIRE
ON 20 CASES OF CAVIAR.
BUT ME TURNING
INTO A WHITE CAT--
IMPOSSIBLE.
Nick:
LOOK OUT BELOW!
AAH!
THE FORTUNE-TELLER
WAS RIGHT.
PREDICTION NUMBER 2--
COMPLETE.
HA HA.
HE'LL BE IN
THE GARAGE TONIGH
AT MIDNIGHT.
YES. AND WITH
NO GUARD CAT,
I'LL ROB
THAT HOUSE BLIND.
MEOW! MEOW!
MEOW! MEOW!
SETTLE DOWN,
HEATHCLIFF.
I HAVE TO WASH
THIS FLOUR
OFF OF YOU.
[MEOWING]
CALM DOWN,
HEATHCLIFF.
YOU DON'T WAN
TO CATCH COLD.
WHAT A CAT HAS TO GO THROUGH
JUST TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
COME DOWN,
HEATHCLIFF.
UH-OH.
MEOW!
YIKES!
TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY,
RODENT.
I GOT BIGGER FISH
TO FRY.
Nick,
different voice:
ARE YOU READY
FOR YOUR SURPRISE?
[SLURPING]
I'M READY.
SURPRISE!
HUH?
[GROWLING]
[HEATHCLIFF MUMBLING]
THAT WILL
HOLD YOU AWHILE,
KING TUT.
[MUMBLING]
HOW'S OUR FRIEND?
HE'S ALL WOUND UP
IN TAPE.
[LAUGHING]
YUCK.
PLEASE
DON'T MAKE ME
LOSE MY APPETITE.
NOW, HELP ME
CARRY OU
THIS SILVER PLATTER
SO WE
CAN DINE IN STYLE.
[GRUNTS]
Together: BLIMPO!
[GROWLING]
MEOW!
Together:
FOOD FIGHT!
FIGHT NOW.
EAT LATER.
[CRASHING]
[NICK MUTTERING]
Sophie: AH!
Nick: OH!
SO, YOU WANT THE FOOD,
DON'T YOU?
SPIKE.
AAH!
Together: NO! NO!
Sophie: OH, NO!
Nick: NO. NO.
[MUTTERING]
SPIKEY, YOU'RE
NOT SUCH A BAD GUY
AFTER ALL.
YEAH. BUT I'D LIKE
TO CATCH THE WISE GUYS
WHO SET YOU UP.
HUH?
PLEASE PASS
THE FILET OF CARP.
LOOKS LIKE WE CAME OU
SMELLING LIKE ROSES
THIS TIME.
HA HA.
YEAH, WE PULLED
A GOOD PRANK ON--
[ALL GASP]
SO, ARE YOU ENJOYING
YOUR DINNER?
UH, YEAH,
HEATHCLIFF.
HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE A FLIGH
TO THE MOON?
[GASPING]
WHOA!
Cats: OH! OW!
OH! OW!
NO! OH! AAH!
YOU'RE GOOD
FOR SOMETHING
AFTER ALL, SPIKE.
WA-HOO!
MUNGO,
FOR ONCE YOU WERE RIGHT.
PLAYING FRIVOLOUS
FELINE FACTS IS FUN.
"NAME 4 ANIMALS
OF THE CAT FAMILY."
THE DADDY, THE MOMMY,
AND 2 KITTENS.
UH, "WHAT DOES A CAT SAY
WHEN HE GETS A SHO
FROM THE DOCTOR?"
"OH."
NO. "ME OW."
THE ANSWER TO THIS ONE'S
A ROUGH BUNNY TO PEG.
"WHICH CAME FIRST,
THE CHICKEN OR EGG?"
CHICKEN.
UH, EGG.
THE EASTER BUNNY.
WHAT'S THE EASTER BUNNY
GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
YEAH, WELL
WE WERE TALKING ABOU
CHICKENS AND BUNNIES AND EGGS,
SO IT MADE ME THINK
OF PRETTY COLORED
EASTER EGGS AND
I WONDER WHICH DID COME FIRST,
THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG.
DUH, WHO MADE
THE FIRS
COLORED EASTER EGG?
Distant voice:
THE EASTER CHICKEN.
All: IT'S
THE EASTER BUNNY.
I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING
YOUR DISCUSSION
ABOUT COLORED EASTER EGGS.
IF YOU'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW,
I CAN TELL--
Hector: YEAH.
PLEASE TELL US.
Wordsworth: YES.
Riffraff:
TELL US.
Mungo: PLEASE.
WELL, IT WAS
SOME TIME AGO
IN A VERY SPECIAL,
WONDERFUL PLACE
CALLED ANIMAL LAND.
THINGS A
THE HENHOUSE EGG FACTORY,
INCORPORATED WERE BUZZING.
IT WAS SPRING.
PRODUCTION WAS UP,
AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY.
[HENS CLUCKING]
EVERYONE, THAT IS,
BUT HENRIETTA HEN.
TRY THOUGH SHE MIGHT,
SHE COULDN'T LAY AN EGG.
KEEP TRYING,
HENRIETTA.
MR. ROOSTER
IS COMING.
OH, MS. FOREHEN,
I AM TRYING,
BUT I CAN'T SEEM
TO LAY AN EGG.
IS THIS
THE LAZY HEN,
THE ONE WHO
DOESN'T LAY EGGS?
I CAN'T HAVE
A WORKER
WHO DOESN'T WORK.
AS HENRIETTA
REACHES THE ENTRANCE,
SHE CLUTCHES THE COLUMN,
WAILING "BOOHOO"
AS LOUD
AS ANY HEN EVER WAILED.
POOR HENRIETTA.
SHE REALLY DID WANT TO LAY EGGS.
[SOBBING]
THAT'S IT?
GO ON.
GO ON.
WELL, THERE WERE 4 CATS
VERY MUCH LIKE YOU,
VERY NICE CATS.
IN FACT, SINCE
THEIR INDIVIDUAL NAMES
WERE NEVER RECORDED,
I'LL JUST USE YOURS.
HENRIETTA
WANDERED AIMLESSLY.
SOON,
SHE WAS APPROACHING
AWELL,
INTERESTING PLACE.
[SOBBING]
All: ALL RIGHT.
IT WILL BE FISH
FOR BREAKFAST.
YEAH. FISH
AND EGGS.
EGGS?
[SOBBING]
WE'RE SORRY
THAT YOU'RE SAD.
WHAT MAKES YOU
FEEL SO BADLY?
MAYBE WE CAN HELP.
MY NAME'S
HENRIETTA HEN,
AND I WORK
AT THE HENHOUSE
EGG FACTORY,
INCORPORATED,
BUT I COULDN'T LAY
AN EGG, NOT ONE,
AND ROGER ROOSTER,
THE OWNER, FIRED ME.
BUT I REALLY DID TRY.
I WASN'T BEING LAZY,
BUT THE OTHER HENS
ALL DESPISE ME.
BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT,
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
JUST BECAUSE YOU
CAN'T DO ONE THING,
IT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE A FAILURE.
BUT I'M A HEN.
I'M SUPPOSED
TO LAY EGGS!
OH!
HMM. GOOD POINT.
HELP HER WE MUST,
OR HER FEATHERS
WILL RUST.
HENRIETTA,
WE'RE GOING
TO HELP YOU LAY EGGS.
HMM. COULD BE
SHE'S NO
EATING RIGHT.
[GULPING NOISILY]
[GASPS]
[THUD]
[GROWLING]
[CLUCK CLUCK]
[SCREAMS]
NO! NO! NO!
[HENRIETTA BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SKIDS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I'M SORRY.
[LAUGHING]
IT'S NO USE.
[CATS GASP]
IT'S
USELESS.
I'M
A FAILURE.
UH, THIS IS
A TOUGH PROBLEM.
WE GOT TO THINK
OF SOMETHING
THAT WILL
EGG THAT HEN
INTO EGGS.
PETER FLASH COTTONTAIL HERE,
FASTEST HARE
HOPPING DOWN
THE BUNNY TRAIL.
AND YOU ARE
SOME SAD-FACED CAT.
UH, IT'S BECAUSE
OF HENRIETTA.
SHE CAN'T LAY EGGS.
[CHEWING]
THIS
HAREBRAINED HARE
DOESN'T CARE.
COME ON.
WE GO
TO FIND
HENRIETTA.
VEGETABLES:
RABBITS HAVE A THING--
WHEN IN DOUBT,
EAT A VEGETABLE.
WE TRIED FOOD.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
NOT VEGETABLES.
YOU OUGHT TO TRY THEM.
EAT THEM RAW,
OR YOU CAN FRY THEM.
Wordsworth:
HE SAID THA
IN A RHYME,
SO WHY NO
TRY I
THIS ONE TIME?
WE'LL TRY IT,
COTTONTAIL.
MIND HOPPING ALONG
WITH US?
GLAD TO.
HAVE TO WARN YOU, THOUGH.
RABBITS NEVER STAY ANYPLACE
FOR LONG.
ALL RIGHT,
HENRIETTA,
FRONT AND CENTER.
THERE'S
A HARE OUT HERE
WITH AN EGGCITING,
EGG-MAKING
POSSIBILITY.
THERE IS?
HI.
[CHEWING NOISILY]
[CLUCKING]
[CHEERING]
OH.
YEAH.
THIS EGG
IS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU CAN
SAY THA
AGAIN.
OK.
THIS EGG IS--
[PLINK PLINK]
Cottontail:
THE GREATES
EGGS EVER.
WE GOT TO
SPREAD THE WORD.
STOP! IT'S
NOT TIME TO LEAVE.
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
THERE'S THIS
WONDERFUL CHICKEN
AND FABULOUS COLORED EGGS.
WE'VE GOT TO GO SEE.
A CHICKEN
LAYING COLORED EGGS?
IT CAN'T BE.
WHO WOULD WANT MY
EGGS IF THEY COULD
HAVE COLORED EGGS?
I'D BETTER GO
AND TAKE A LOOK.
MY TURN!
[CUSTOMERS ARGUING]
HEY! JUST A SECOND.
FASTER. HURRY
WITH THE BASKET.
FASTER!
MORE VEGETABLES.
OH, HENRIETTA,
I KNEW YOU
COULD DO IT.
THOSE ARE
WONDERFUL EGGS.
EXCUSE ME.
ROGER ROOSTER'S THE NAME,
AND EGGS ARE THE GAME.
WANT TO SELL
THIS LITTLE STAND?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
EVERYONE LOVES THESE EGGS.
WHY SHOULD
WE SELL THIS STAND?
I WAS FIRST.
[CUSTOMERS ARGUING]
I'M GLAD EVERYONE
LOVES THE EGGS,
BUT I'M POOPED.
IF WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE SURE THERE
ARE ENOUGH EGGS,
WE BETTER EXPAND
THE OPERATION.
Roger Rooster:
MAYBE I CAN HELP.
YOU?
I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
WE AREN'T SELLING
THE STAND.
FINE. I DON'
WANT TO BUY IT.
I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOU
A PARTNERSHIP, THOUGH,
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
WE MIGHT BE.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
HENRIETTA WORKS
AT THE FACTORY
IN CHARGE OF
THE COLORED EGG DIVISION.
NOW, SINCE
THE COLORED EGGS
WOULDN'T BE AS SPECIAL
IF THEY WERE
ALWAYS AVAILABLE,
WE'D ONLY PRODUCE THEM
ONCE A YEAR,
IN THE SPRING.
OH, I'D LIKE THAT.
THEY WOULD BE
A SYMBOL
OF THE COLORS
AND REBIRTH
SPRING BRINGS,
A HAPPY SYMBOL.
EGGZACTLY.
YOU CATS WILL BE
IN CHARGE OF ORGANIZATION,
AND PETER COTTONTAIL
WILL TAKE CARE
OF DELIVERY.
WITH MY SPEED,
THEY'LL BE
SINGING SONGS
ABOUT ME ON
THE BUNNY TRAIL.
WELL?
DEAL.
ROGER, YOU'RE
NOT SO HARD-BOILED
AFTER ALL.
HARD-BOILED?
NOW, THERE'S AN IDEA.
WHAT IF
THE COLORED EGGS WERE
OF COURSE,
IT WASN'T LONG
BEFORE THE COLORED EGGS
WEREHARD-BOILED,
AND THE RES
IS HISTORY.
Together: YAY!
[LAUGHING]
A PRESEN
FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
FOR 4 TERRIFIC
CADILLAC CATS.
GOT TO RUN, NOW.
All: OH! WOW!
YOU AND FUZZY PLAYING, JAN?
NO, HE'S NO FUN ANY MORE, MOM.
ANY MORE? YOU MEAN HE USED TO BE
FUN?
SURE. WE USED TO PLAY GAMES AND
STUFF.
ALL HE DOES NOW IS LIE AROUND.
SORRY BOY, I GUESS I FORGO
OLDER DOGS LIKE TOYS, TOO.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION