Helluva Boss (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

The Circus

[yawns, smacks lips]
My birthday, my birthday!
It's my birthday!
Yaaaay! Birthday, birthday!
Woohoo! Birthday tiiiiime!
Calm yourself, young prince.
You know excitement is unbecoming of a goetia.
Oh! Right.
[deep breath]
But, father told me, today is the day
I am old enough to know my purpose and responsibility!
Of course.
I'm sure it will be wonderful.
[demonic noises]
Paimon: ahhhh! There is my little, uh
which son is this one?
There's so fucking many.
stolas, your highness.
Stolas! Yes! Ha! Right, right!
That's the one! The owl boy.
Well, my little one
It is finally your day of becoming
a true part of the goetia family.
How good for you.
Are you ready to know what you'll
be meant to do to serve hell?
Yes, father!
You will be entrusted with the study of the earth's skies,
the stars, the prophecies they hold, all that stuff.
Isn't that fun?
You will begin the studies of your grimoire
Which will grant you access to the
mortal realm to study and observe
And you will grow to be a mighty prince of hell
With your own legions to lead
and pass on your knowledge to!
I will do my best, father!
Also, son, you are destined to sire
A precautionary addition to the goetia family
So you are now engaged.
Congratulations. Isn't she charming?
[begins crying]
Ohhh! That's an ugly noise, son.
Here, how about you cease this bitch crying?
[cries harder]
Hm, that usually works.
Oh, would you like it if i took you to the circus in town?
Children enjoy the circus, right?
Would that distract you enough from your non-Negotiable future marriage?
[circus music plays in the background]
[whispers] - Is there a spot that's close to the front
But also far enough that i don't have to
Ugh Smell the poor?
[cheers and applause]
[chuckles and claps]
Cash buckzo: nowwww
Everyone's favorite thing about circus shit -
The motherfuckin' clowns!
[audience screams]
Fizzarolli (young): ready, blitzo?
Blitzo (young): born ready!
Heya, folks! Wanna see me make a horse?
[balloon pops]
[balloon pops]
[balloon pops]
[balloon pops]
[balloon pops]
[crickets chirping]
[balloon pops]
[nervously] - De-De-De-De-Do-Do-Do-Do-Da-Dee
[balloon pops]
[blitzo laughs nervously]
[balloon pops]
Uh [laughs nervously]
[audience member coughs]
Well, heh, it was a horse
But then it ate too much sugar
and it's legs stopped working
So they had to amputate
Now it's a gross worm horse.
[stolas laughs]
See? He gets it.
'cause horses, they make no sense.
Okay, blitzo, that's enough horsing around
Hey everybody, look at this!
It's banana pudding the clown horsey!
[makes neighing noises]
[audience laughs and applauds]
I liked his broken horse joke, it was funny.
Their legs do stop working when they eat too much sugar
It's called laminitis.
[squeaky owlet giggle]
What a show, that was real great
So ahem that little clown you have my son really enjoyed that one
I was wondering if i could buy him.
Buy him?
Purchase him, yes, accurate.
[claps his hands]
My son doesn't have any friends, you see
And he liked the little clown boy.
It's his birthday, he's so sad and i don't want to deal with him.
Can i write a check?
Well, fizzarolli is a big draw.
He has a few more shows to be in today, so it would be
[squeaks thumb and finger together]
pretty expensive.
no, no, the other one.
Correct. How much?
Wha- Well, he's my son. So… uh
Hm… ah, how much ya got in your pocket?
A Wadded-Up five and a slim fit condom.
Ah, that's plenty. Done.
Splendid. Fetch him for me and we will be on our way.
[claps his hands]
I'm banana pudding, and i like to dance!
I am worm horse, and i? I am sad!
Why are you sad, worm horse?
Because, i have no legs!
Oh, well that's okay
I lost all my legs in the war.
the war?
Yes! The great pirate war!
No, no pirates.
A'the great pirate warrrrrrr!
If you keep talking about pirates, i will punch you.
I fought bravely but i could not run fast enough
They took my legs, there was blood everywhere!
oh no, eww, no blood.
Blood is disgusting.
No, it's cool!
Well, banana pudding is here to save the day
With his magical feet he dances around with.
He will dance all over worm horse and make him feel better.
And then
[bottle squirts]
there'll be more blood!
[blitzo laughs maniacally]
Blitzo! That's so gross!
[laughs] stop!
Boy, i've got a job for you.
You are gonna spend the day with one of the goetia princes.
Eww, why?
Because money!
Now listen carefully, you are being bought out to be his playmate
But i want you to steal as much from those rich fuckers as you possibly can.
But But if i get caught?
Don't you want your family to be able to buy a bigger tent?
Better food?
Don't you want to be able to help me and your mama out?
Of course i wanna help mama!
Then you gotta do this
Everything those rich fucks have will be worth a fortune
But, if i'm caught - I'm scared, dad.
There are scarier things, aren't there, son?
But -
Yes, papa.
Here is your new friend my son, happy birthday.
a friend?
I guess. Hi, uh, i'm blitzo.
I'm stolas. It's nice to
Don't bow to that one! He bows to us. Idiot.
Oh, right. Sorry, father.
I'm so good at daddy-Ing!
[blitzo sighs]
This is my book on the difference between frogs and toads.
There's a lot of differences!
And this is my book on plants and herbs!
Did you know plants can hear you?
Plants are boring
This is all boring stuff.
Oh, i'm sorry.
I've never had a friend to share my books with.
You know what would be fun? A game.
Let's play 'treasure hunt'.
What's that?
It's where we pretend we are pirates
And we go around the house collecting all the nicest things
And then we throw them out the window!
We…throw them out the window?
Since when did pirates throw things out windows?
Since like, the dawn of time.
Come on, pirates are always throwing stuff out windows.
I don't think they had windows.
What, did a book say that?
Yes, actually! Several!
Well in this game we're throwing them out the window, because it's fun.
Well, that's an odd game.
Is this an imp game?
Suuuuure, why not?
Well, if it's what you want to play
Let's do it!
[blitzo giggling]
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
[stolas panting out of breath]
[both giggling]
ah, yeah!
[chandelier glass jingles]
[both laughing]
[whistle from outside]
Blitzo! Over here!
So, what is that, your diary?
No, this is my new grimoire!
It's a spell book!
I have to learn it so that i can access the living world!
The living world?
Like the world with humans and stuff?
Where the sinners come from?
That's cool!
Yes! I'm supposed to learn to use it
To study the sky!
My dad says i can find prophecies
But i don't really know.
But, i'm supposed to
That's what my job will be when i grow up.
To join the rest of the goetia family.
Well, you know what i'm gonna do when i grow up?
I'm gonna run my own circus
And i'm gonna be the most famous imp ever
And i'll be able to do what i want to do!
All day! I'm gonna make so much money
And buy myself a big building, with a big office!
A big office? For a circus?
Yeah! A big office!
Circus business with clowns and horses!
And the horses will all have good names
Like stapler and biscuit queen.
I'm sure you will.
That sounds like a good business.
Yeah! And if you apply, i'll hire you.
[stolas laughs]
you'll hire me?
Yeah, if i feel like it.
Well, i hope i qualify.
You'd be a good boss.
You say that with sarcasm
But i totes would.
[laughs together]
[stella talking in distance]
Everyone else gets to have their party there
I know still being married isn't a big enough occasion
But to be fair, it's no picnic
Being married to a boring stiff like stolas.
Stella, what in hell is this?
Ugh, stolas, you know i like throwing parties.
Plus, it's true
So you can come if you want.
[stella laughing loudly]
No, stolas is terrible in bed.
I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall
And i have to do everything. It's embarrassing.
I'm glad one egg fell out of me
So i could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass.
[stella and her friends laugh]
[glass shatters]
[continues laughing]
What a pathetic fucking man.
[angry owl noises]
Do you have anything stronger than this?
We have absinthe, your highness.
Bring me all of it.
[stella in background]
poor people! Ugh
I'm so glad that they're not allowed into this thing.
I don't want them anywhere near me.
[stella laughs]
Can you imagine if you didn't have money?
[stella continues laughing in background]
Guard: stolas, sir?
[chokes on drink]
I'm fine!
We caught this nasty imp
Trying to sneak into your chambers.
What should we do with him?
Into my chambers, really?
Oh, well, that is, concerning.
[clears throat]
Leave him to me, i will handle him accordingly.
Follow me, imp.
[party conversations fade]
Look, i didn't mean to interrupt your
Whatever th Party, i was just trying to -
Don't bother with excuses
I know why you were here.
You do?
Yes, you were here to rrrrravish me, weren't you?
Uhhhhhh, you?
Why else would you be breaking into my room?
You could've asked to visit you know
It's been a long time
But i have a very good memory.
[claps hands]
Oh, yeah
Yeah, well uh you know
I figured since you're a prince and all it might just be easier
To scale the walls and slip on in.
Certainly is easier than going through your fucking staff
One would think you might be here for nefarious reasons
If you are sneaking in during the cover of night.
Oh, i wanted to crash the party
And it's always more fun, you know, to make an entrance.
I recall how you enjoy making an entrance!
So, over two decades since i last saw you
Are you still a circus clown?
No, not anymore. No, i kill people now.
Oh How afraid should i be?
Well, i mean
[voice becomes more seductive]
how afraid do you want to be?
Oh, well, um, well, i, uh
You know, i was teasing i don't really
Yeah, you seem pretty tense.
How about i Help you out there?
[nervous laughter]
You know, this is, um, getting a wee bit
Is it hot? I'm starting to feel it getting very hot
Oh! What are you doing?
I barely remember your name.
It's blitz.
Didn't it have an "o" at the end
Like a clown name? I remember -
yeah well, it's silent now, 'kay?
So call me Blitz.
Okay, blitz
What are you doing to me?
what do you want me to do to you?
I, uh, well
[stolas moans]
Oh my fuck!
Oh, wow
You are so forward, blitz!
Oh! What are we doing?
N-No, stay down, dammit.
Oh! So you like to command
You like being in charge, hmm?
Yeah, i sure do.
Oh, so you're a kinky little imp, are you?
Do you like it when i talk to you dirty?
I want you to [beep!] me
With your [beep!] [beep!] imp [beep!]
Get it all the way [beep!] [beep!]
Get it all the way through me,
you [beep!] [beep!] [beep!]!
[neck cracks]
Ew. Stop it.
Yes, if that's what blitzy wants.
Blitzy, oh, my, yes!
Oh, i've never had anyone want me this way!
You have no idea how long i've craved this kind of passion
And how much it means that the one who wants me is
My first ever friend!
Alright, fine I can do this real fast.
Blitzø: sorry, i fucked your husband.
What. The fuck was that, stolas?
That was the sound
Of a fucking divorce!
[laughs maniacally]
[groans in pain]
[phone clicking noises]
♫ owl in a cage ♫
♫ you show your age ♫
♫ your sweetness has run foul ♫
♫ without a change you're lost, exhausted ♫
♫ by your time on stage ♫
♫ then you walked in my room ♫
♫ and light sparks in the dark ♫
♫ life was suddenly thrilling and new ♫
♫ what's between you and i? ♫
♫ just a comfortable lie ♫
♫ i'm the fool who believes when you look in my eyes ♫
♫ prince, all alone, upon your throne ♫
♫ your power is so frail ♫
♫ you raise your voice ♫
♫ you have no choice ♫
♫ inside your gilded jail ♫
The fuck are you doing?
Well, stop.
It's annoying to hear you screeching
your silly woes all the time.
Why are you still here?
You leave with via on weekends
But then you stay around the house despite everything.
I like tormenting you.
I want to keep reminding you of what you did.
I know what i did.
I would feel bad if i hurt you
But we both know i didn't do that.
You and i were arranged for one reason -
To birth a precautionary heir to the goetia family.
Nothing more.
I tried so many years to make it comfortable for us
To have this family, but it was never enough.
The only reason i have endured your constant insults and cruelty
Was for that girl to have a normal life.
I cannot do this anymore.
I want you out. Now.
What do you mean, out?
I mean out!
Out of this palace, out of my life!
We are getting the divorce!
How dare you?
What do you think the rest of the goetia family will think?
I don't care what your arrogant brother thinks!
And the only thing the goetia family wanted
From our marriage is already 17, so it's over!
I'm done!
I have no desire to stay in the place of a traitorous embarrassment.
You have fallen from what little grace you had
And i know you'll pay for it.
[walks away]
[stolas sighs]
[horse galloping]
[whip cracks]
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