Helluva Boss (2019) s02e03 Episode Script

Exes and Oohs

[car horns honking]
You know, i checked the scale today.
And it said i lost two pounds this week.
I. Am not.
[door bursts open]
[mille growls and grumbles angrily]
[millie continues screaming]
millie, honey? Everything okay?
[sighs] yeah.
Just Bumped into an ex.
Oh! Oh
He just kept going on about how he has money now,
And "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."
Wait, what?
Every time i see his stupid face
I can't help it! I just need to
What the fuck is all this noise?
I got a client!
Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned
What is this?
[horse neighs]
Uh Research!
For science!
Just put it back correctly, okay, i alphabetized them.
Okay, so let me get this straight -
You don't want us going to earth at all for this job?
Correct, that will not be necessary.
I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.
Uh, you want us killing someone in hell?
Cause, i got to tell 'ya, that ain't exactly our business no more.
I'll tell 'ya all about it when you're here.
It's in regards to a business venture i'm sure will be very
Worth your time.
Ooh, how ominous.
Fine, whatever, what's the address?
Transportation has already
Been taken care of.
[helicopter flying overhead]
What the fuck is that?
[metallic clang]
Satan's ass crack!
Enough with the wall shit!
We have a door!
[wind blows]
My research!
[kid cries]
[kid pukes]
I.M.P. ?
Right this way, please.
Uh, sir? What's going on?
Now don't worry, it's just some fancy shmuck
From greed wanting to do business with us.
Uh, sir? I don't think this is a good idea.
It'll be fine. Now get your asses moving.
Is this thing safe?
Don't worry, we are professionals!
Ugh. I hate this place.
Oh yeah, this is your old stomping ground
Isn't it, moxx?
Yeah, unfortunately.
I grew up just over there
Swore i'd never come back, and Uh
Uh What.. What Wh-Where are we going?
What Blitz
Who did you say this meeting was with?
I'm not sure.
Just some rich somebody or other who wants to discuss biz at his place.
Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
There he is!
There's my boy!
Get over here and give your daddy a hug!
[blitzø and millie]: daddy?
I only let moxxie call me that.
Unless you pay me!
Guys, uh
This is my father, crimson.
Sir, this is my boss blitz.
And my
Millie! I'm his wife!
And what a beautiful wife you are.
Moxx, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?
Oh, i'm sure he would've introduced us eventually.
Oh, i'm sure.
You gotta be blitz
With the silent "o", right?
I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.
What kind of shit has moxxie been spreading about me?
I'll fucking kill you moxxie,
Don't you fucking test me!
No, no! From all over.
Looks like you're building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.
Really? Hah.
Well, i guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.
I like your attitude.
Well, i hope you're all hungry.
We put together a fabulous dinner for ya.
Hey, baby?
Why haven't i met your pa before?
Well, uh, you know It's It's
It's just, never been a
Hey! You two!
Move it before it gets cold.
Look, look millie W-We
We can talk about it later.
[snaps fingers]
[door slams]
So blitz
Ya always been a hitman?
No, no, not always.
Yeah, i was in the circus for a long time.
Show business!
Good money in that.
What are we doing here, sir?
I raised you better than that.
Ya know there's no business before dinner.
Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.
[door bursts open]
Woo-Hoo-Hoo, what is up, party people?
[millie and moxxie]: chaz?
[millie and moxxie]: wait - What?
You know him?
You remember that "ex" i was talking about?
Looks like i got two big sex reunions today.
[singsong] how lucky am i?
Did you date him too?
Ha, yeah. No big deal.
But i usually bone half the people in any room i'm in
Are you fucking kidding me?
There's someone who's fucked both of you?
[angrily] it was a long time ago.
But i still remember it like it was yesterday.
You, a fledgling mafioso.
Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle!
It was like, it was written in the stars!
Ha! Moxxie in the mafia,
That's fucking rich.
[knocking on door]
[door slams open]
Ohhhhh shit.
You've never told me this before.
I.. I don't really like to talk
about this part of my life, but
I first saw chaz at my induction into the family.
Our eyes met from across the room.
And there was just something about him.
Something that was magnetic!
[more explosions]
[more gunshots]
[big boom explosion]
[doorbell rings]
It's been 84 years
Isn't that from that boat movie?
Did any of that stuff actually happen?
Oh yeaahhh
[licks lips]
But he skipped over the jizz-Covered parts.
[annoyed] anyway
Things changed when we went on a heist together.
[alarm bell rings]
[sirens in distance]
[cell door locks]
Sooo, what are you in for?
Okay, not much of a talker, are we?
I'm "blitzø", the "o" is silent.
I'm sure we're going to get along just fine.
So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle?
You look like someone good with a gun.
You look like someone who'd shoot up an office
And i hope you are 'cuz i got a plan to get us
Out of this dump but i'm going to need some help you think
You can give me a hand?
I need to get out to my daughter.
[voice fades]:
the babysitter will kill me if i don't get back soon
Once i got out, i never looked back.
[millie growls]
Well Huh Like you said
It was a long time ago.
[nervous chuckle]
I'll fucking kill you!
Whoa, the fuck! Crazy bitch!
[crimson]: hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
[crimson]: hey! Hey! Hey! Hold on a
You're going to die, bitch!
Dinner is served.
So! This is aggressively uncomfortable.
I suppose you want to know why you're here.
Yeah, so what gives?
I mean, you know we kill people on earth, right?
We don't normally do contracts for locals, so
If you want to do business with us, you gotta
I don't wanna do business with i.M.P.
I want to do business with moxxie.
Yeah, kid.
I summoned i.M.P
To be sure you'd show.
Because, well
We're bringin' chaz into the family.
Since when can just anyone join the family?
Come on, moxx.
You had responsibilities here
[angrily] that i had to pick up once you left.
Now chaz is going to lighten the load.
I thought you always hated his guts.
Well, i don't know if i exactly "hated" him.
You called him a "friendless horse-Fucker"
And said we lived a "sissy lifestyle".
Yeah, well i was wrong.
You've been gone a long time, moxx.
A man can change.
And so has chaz.
Yeah! I've grown!
And recently, came into millions!
But, y'know, mostly the "mature" thing.
Oh okay, okay.
So the horseless friend fucker over here
Gets a little moolah and suddenly
It's worth wasting our time over?
Well, i'm the whole "package"
If you know what i mean.
I gotta big dick!
What does any of this have to do with moxxie?
There's going to be a ceremony tomorrow.
Moxxie here is going to officially
Release his holdings in the organization.
Then you can get back to
[angrily] ignoring your family to your heart's content.
Maybe he wouldn't "ignore his family"
If they didn't force him to rub elbows with a
No-Good, shark-Toothed fuck face!
Yay, look, everybody, relax.
I know tensions have been high tonight.
Why don't you stay here and get some rest?
We'll have the ceremony tomorrow
And then you will be free to leave.
I have your rooms all prepared.
Yes, sir.
[sternly] a moment, moxxie.
Just give me a minute, millie.
I'll be there.
[doors shut]
Ya think you're too good for this family now?
Come here.
I I don't understand.
[moxxie]: [moans]
You think you're gonna just get to
Walk away from this family and
Never come back?
You're dead wrong, moxx!
Matter of fact, the only thing you're right about
Is that that obnoxious piss-Stain can't get made.
Not unless he marries in!
Marries? B.. But who would he
Who do ya think?
This family needs that money
And it's about time your pathetic
Ass was useful for something!
Sir I'm already married!
I..I can't
You think i give a shit about your stupid beard?
Come on, moxx.
I even went through the trouble of making
The house more to "your kind's" liking.
[panel beeps]
[multiple dildos flop noisily]
Wait? What?
What do you think i'm into?
What? This is the kind of shit gays like, right?
Okay, first off dad
I'm bisexual.
Yeah. Gay.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
I don't know a single person of
Any sexuality who would enjoy this.
[blitzø]: hah! There's dicks in the wall!
Oh, that's fucking hilarious!
Look at me, kid.
One way or the 'nother,
You're going to do what i fucking say.
Don't cross me.
[door slams]
[muffled speech]
[continues muffled protests]
Let this be a lesson, moxxie.
This is what happens when you cross me.
Now get to bed, moxxie.
You have a big day tomorrow.
Yes, sir.
Oh, and moxx?
If you ever talk back to me again,
You and that pretty little thing you brought here
Are going home in boxes.
Yes, sir.
[opens and closes door]
[dildos continue to make floppy noises]
How come we aren't in
Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms.
It's just one night, millie.
It's okay.
Moxx, are you okay?
I'm fine, please don't worry sweetie.
You know you can tell me anything.
Yes. Everything's fine.
We're partners, moxx.
It's just my dad.
It's okay, really.
It'll be over tomorrow.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Good night.
[door opens]
What the?
Fucking why?
[water runs]
Like what i've done with the place?
Ugh! Just get out of here!
Come on, moxx.
We used to have so much fun here.
I'm married, chaz.
And even if i weren't
I would never
Never what?
Let me take you to cum town again?
You are so gross.
Just leave me alone.
I know what you want most moxxie poxxie.
How about a sexually charged
[sings] musical number! Hey!
You always loved those.
[slow music starts playing]
♫ whoa-Oh-Oh ♫
♫ yeah yeah ♫
♫ it's chaz time! ♫
♫ moxxie, i see you looking at me ♫
♫ looking at you wondering when i'm ♫
♫ going to crack you open like a walnut ♫
♫ and the answer is soon! ♫
♫ walnut! ♫
♫ now i'm feeling what you're feeling ♫
♫ and i'm feeling that you want to feel my ♫
♫ feelings i feel, for feel You feel me? ♫
♫ saxophone ♫
♫ yeah, so let me get a little something ♫
♫ off my chest while i blow ♫
♫ a hot emotional load on yours. ♫
♫ moxxie, feeling foxy ♫
♫ wanna get a good taste of your boxy ♫
♫ well i got two tickets to pleasure land ♫
♫ oh, baby! ♫
♫ well come down here ♫
♫ and have your way, yeah ♫
♫ on my d ♫
♫ with my sensual body, yeah yeah ♫
♫ so naughty! ♫
[door slams]
[sobs quietly]
[knock at door]
What do you want?
[slow music starts playing]
♫ oww! ♫
♫ whoa-Oh-Oh ♫
[mille barks]
[record scratch]
[music abruptly stops]
Damn it. This usually works.
[door slams]
[knocks on door]
Hey there good looking.
Oh, i was wondering how long
It would take for you to make a pass.
Hmm, does that mean you're
Down to clown?
Ew. What the.
You think i would violate
My friend's trust by sleeping with their ex,
Especially one who fucked them over
The way you did?
I'll show you all the things
They liked in the sack!
[door shuts]
[sounds of chaz and blitzø getting it on]
[blitzø]: chill the fuck out!
[sounds of chaz and blitzø fade]
[chaz whispering in sleep]: Gotta big dick
Okay, fucker.
Nobody who's that bad in bed
Can score two hotties that easily.
I know you've got to be hiding something
[chaz continues snoring]
[car alarm chirps]
[car alarm chirps]
Oh fuck that.
No one fucks with m&m's marriage but me!
[groans in pain]
Sorry, babe.
You aren't the only
Junk in my trunk!
Damn it, that is not a good one.
Hey, hey!
The man of the hour!
You ready to get started?
Wait, where's blitz?
I think i saw him head outside.
He said something about
[mocks blitzø] needing some fresh air
Or something. Pffft.
Why don't you grab him so we can get moving?
Be right back, baby.
What'cha looking so glum for kid?
It's your wedding day!
The best day of your life!
[audible teeth gleam]
I'm not doing it.
What was that?
I couldn't make it out over the
Sound of you being a whiny bitch.
[bangs table]
i said i'm not doing it, sir.
I've spent my whole life being afraid of you
But i'm not giving up the only good thing i've ever had
Just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything.
Millie is a good woman,
A better woman than i deserve.
And there's nothing that scares me more
Than hurting her. Not even you.
I'm leaving, dad.
And if you or herpes the clown over here
[chaz]: hey!
Try to stop me, you'll learn firsthand
Just how good i've gotten at my job.
[taser fires]
[moxxie groans]
Now take care of the others.
[banging noise from trunk]
Oh, millie, you found me.
Who's your friend?
[solemn music plays in background]
[wedding guests growling]
Is everyone here?
Yeah yeah yeah.
Don't worry about it,
Let's get this thing rolling, eh?
Aww, you told me all the chairs would be filled.
[crimson groans]
[multiple dildos flop noisily]
Oh, fuck yes.
What is going on?
That seductive dick-Hole is trying
To marry moxxie, and he's not even rich!
[metal shutters slam down]
[muffled protests from moxxie]
do you, chazwick thurman
Take moxxie n'olastname
To be your lawfully wedded husband?
Oh yeah.
And do you, moxxie
Whatever Take chazwick thurman
To be your lawfully wedded
Look at that!
He's just so fucking happy to be here!
Everything's locked down!
How are we going to get in?
[engine turns over]
[radio]: ♫ loo-Loo land! Loo-Loo land! ♫
[radio channels quickly switch]
[radio plays "crashin' a muthafuckin' wedding']
Buckle up, millie!
We're doing a shrek!
[tires spin out]
[radio]: ♫ ohhh-Oo-Ooo oo-Ooo ♫
I object!
You want my husband?
You're going to have to fucking kill me!
[snaps fingers]
♫ oh, i ain't a stranger to your thorns ♫
♫ think i'm a damsel, now you get the horns ♫
♫ lay low my dear, i'll get you outta here ♫
♫ i ain't a damsel, i'll make that clear ♫
♫ just try to stop the reckoning that's coming ♫
♫ lay down your head boy ♫
What the fuck?
♫ can't you hear those beats a drumming? ♫
She's a dame!
♫ be it as it may, by death do us part ♫
She's a broad!
Kill her!
♫ think fast cause momma's gonna tear out your heart ♫
[crimson]: you frigging goons!
♫ (momma's gonna tear out your heart) ♫
What the fuck is the matter with you?
Why do i pay ya?
Get her!
You stupid idiots!
♫ (soon you'll have no heart) ♫
♫ giddy up, little bitch boy, you're dead ♫
♫ giddy up, little bitch boy, you're dead ♫
♫ you tried to take him like you didn't know ♫
♫ he was mine, and taken, now reap what you sow ♫
♫ ohh-Oh ♫
♫ you tried to take him like you didn't know ♫
♫ he was mine, and taken, now reap what you sow ♫
[music ends]
Hey! What about my
This ass is mine!
[blitzø]: by the way
Y'all should probably note, chaz isn't even rich, okay?
Check his car.
He just played you like a fucking rube.
Later, losers!
[helicopter takes off]
[chokes and coughs]
[nervous laughter]
Millie, thank you for saving me.
you're amazing.
Next time, just tell me if your dad is a psychopath.
I can handle it.
Well, i'm glad everything ended up okay.
Good to know we both have daddy issues, moxx.
Also, i got to plow your ex-Boyfriend,
Isn't that great?
Now we all fucked the same guy.
[slow music starts playing]
♫ i see that look that's in your eye-Eye-Ah ♫
♫ (don't taunt me) ♫
♫ staring down at my wet sweaty thighs. ♫
♫ (lower body) ♫
♫ and it comes as no surprise ♫
♫ let your groiner eyes ♫
♫ the loins' desire never lies-S-Ah-Ah ♫
♫ yeah! It's chaz time! ♫
♫ stop it! Get the girl, baby ♫
♫ oh stop it! You really want me! ♫
♫ you wanna take me hooooome! ♫
♫ you want it bad! ♫
♫ you want to be bad with a bad boy! ♫
♫ don't look at me don't look at me ♫
♫ don't look at me don't look at me! ♫
♫ ahhh yeaaahhhhhhhhhh-Ah! ♫
♫ ah! ♫
♫ i'm finished. ♫
[horse galloping]
[whip cracks]
Previous EpisodeNext Episode