Hey Arnold! (1996) s01e12 Episode Script

Benchwarmer/Cool Jerk

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
Hey, Arnold!
Hey, Arnold!
Move it, football head.
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Hey, Arnold.
It's great that we're
on the same team.
Hope we both get to play.
Oh, sure. In this league,
we'll all get to play.
I'm Coach Wittenberg.
Welcome to
Youth League basketball.
Being as I am the coach
of the said team,
it's recumbent that you do
whatever I dictate.
So heretofore,
our strategic strategy
will constitute the idea
that we revolve our offense
around one player.
Yeah, Dad.
This is Tucker.
Would have been the league
MVP last year if it wasn't
for the voting.
Now, for all intents
and purposes,
our strategy
will consist thusfully.
Get the ball to Tucker.
Everyone understand?
CHILDREN: Yeah, whatever.
Louder please!
Yes, Coach Wittenburg.
Good. Now it's time
for layup practice.
Move it! (WHISTLE)
Arnold, pass the ball
to Tucker.
Gerald, pass it to Tucker.
Stinky, pass the ball
to Tucker.
Nice pass to Tucker.
(WHISTLE) Arnold.
Excellent pass
to Tucker, Arnold.
(WHISTLE) Gerald.
Very, very nice.
(WHISTLE) Stinky.
Way to pass it to Tucker.
(WHISTLE) All right,
let's break it up.
Start passing to Tucker.
(WHISTLE) Good pass.
Don't dribble too much.
Give that ball to Tuck.
That's it.
You don't have to dribble.
Just pass it to Tucker.
That's it.
Good catch, Tucker.
I want you to be
dreaming passes to Tucker.
Man, it's all about
getting the ball to Tucker.
Some team, huh?
You're telling me.
I wish we could run that play
we worked out in the park.
This really bites.
It's our first game.
And before we go out there,
I want you guys
to remember the words
of the great Guy Lombardo.
There is no "I" in "Team."
Now, get up there
and make sure
Tucker gets the ball.
Let's go.
COACH: Arnold.
You fragrantly
didn't listen to me.
The game plan is simple.
Get the ball to
I know, sir, Tucker.
But he wasn't open.
Don't unrespect
the game plan.
You need to think
about your insubordinance.
You're out of the game!
Go park yourself
in the bench, Arnold.
ARNOLD: Grandpa,
I got a problem.
I think I'm gonna
quit the basketball team.
Quit? Why?
I'm benched 'cause
I wouldn't pass the ball
to the coach's kid.
It's totally unfair, Grandpa.
Have I ever told you
about how I always wanted
to be in the circus?
Yeah, you did,
Grandpa. But
When I was a kid,
I wanted nothing more
than to be a trapeze artist.
But the only job I could get
was cleaning up
after the elephants.
Thirteen years
with my pail and shovel,
following around
Jumbo and Big Nelly.
I thought about quitting,
but I remembered
what my grandfather
said to me.
What was that?
"Don't quit, you ninny."
So, I stuck with it.
And eventually, you got
a chance to the trapeze?
Although I did get an audition
as the bearded lady.
But, Arnold,
those were the cleanest
elephant cages
this side of the Bengal Bay.
You know, Grandpa,
you make a lot of sense.
Anytime, short man.
Foul. Two shots.
Come on, Tucker.
We need both shots.
Don't let me down, son.
For cryin' out loud,
you can't miss
those big free throws, Tucker.
Suck it up, son.
You don't miss free throws
with the game on the line!
It almost makes you
feel bad for the guy.
Yeah, almost.
You coming, Arnold?
I'm just gonna shoot around.
Okay, I see you later, man.
Wow, I can't believe it.
Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Tucker.
Where'd you learn to shoot
your foul shots like that?
You know. Around.
Man, I could never do that.
Come on, son,
don't let me down.
Take the shot.
Don't let me down.
Come on, son.
Don't let me down.
Make a shot!
Every time I try,
I think of my dad and choke.
Big time.
I really need to learn
how to sink my free throws.
I guess I could teach you
to do my shot.
Really? Hey,
that would be great.
All right.
Meet me tomorrow
at the outdoor court
near Demado's grocery store.
3:30. Don't be late.
How many little dots
are on the surface
of this ball?
I don't know.
I never really thought
about it.
ARNOLD: There are
9366 little dots.
You must know
the ball intimately.
You're ready
to start free throws.
You're kidding.
Trust the ball.
Trust the ball?
Trust the ball.
You didn't trust the ball.
Now. Do it again.
Boys, this game is critical.
We wanna make
a play-off type situation.
So, whether we win, or lose,
I want you guys
to go out there and win.
Thus spoken, I want you
to remember one ordinal rule.
No missed free throws.
Okay, now go get 'em.
Come on, boys.
Foul. Two shots.
Come on, Tucker, baby.
Trust the ball, Tucker.
Tucker, your free throw
shooting is terrific.
What did you do?
Eh, nothing special.
Just good old-fashioned
hard work.
All on your own, huh?
Yeah, all on my own.
That's my boy, Tucker.
Now just keep it up
in the second half,
and the game is ours
All right, boys.
Tucker, Stinky, Robert,
Lamar, and Frankie.
You guys start the half.
Gerald and Ravi,
take a breather.
Arnold, bring me a towel.
Hey, what's the matter?
Eh, nothing.
Breaching in. Two shots.
Don't let me down, son.
ARNOLD: Trust the ball.
Yeah. All on my own.
What are you doing, Tucker?
He's not trusting the ball.
Okay. We're down,
but we're not out.
The only thing we have
to faculate is sink one shot.
And we tie the game,
and we vanish the fools
in overtime.
Gerald, you take
the ball up court,
and give it to Tucker
on the low post.
Tucker, you better
sink this shot, son.
Don't let me down.
Foul. Two shots.
COACH: Don't let me down, son.
Ah, my shoulder.
Aw, he's faking it.
Tucker, Tuck, are you
all right, boy?
I must have got hurt
when I got fouled.
Hey, come on, Coach.
We need a replacement
shooter out here.
You'll have to put
somebody else in.
What? There is nobody else.
Well, you can always
put in Arnold, Dad.
COACH: Arnold?
That kid doesn't
follow the rules!
He's not a team player.
No, Dad, listen.
He is a team player.
He's the one
who really taught me
how to shoot.
The play-offs are
on the line here.
I can't put him in.
He can do it, Dad.
And so can this team.
Give them a chance.
For once.
Get in there, Arnold.
And don't screw up.
Arnold, Arnold
BOY: Good fighting, Arnold.
Time out!
If we make a two-pointer
instead of a free throw,
we'll win the game.
Let's do that play
we worked on at the park.
I'll put the ball
where it needs to be,
and you guys do the rest.
Got it?
TEAM: Let's go!
COACH: You guys are
the greatest.
What a victory, men.
Arnold, you have
restored upon me
a volatile lesson
in team work.
From now on,
the suppository
of the team strategy
will proceed as thusly.
Everyone touches the ball!
Then we pass it
to Tucker.
Who will pass it
to the rest of you.
You guys are the worst
nucular ball players
I've ever seen.
Don't you know
you are facing me, Harold?
The greatest
warrior of balls
who ever lived?
Aw, give it up, pink boy.
You haven't hit a kid
in 50 throws.
Oh, yeah.
Watch this.
Hold still, Arnold,
I'm beaning ya.
Harold, Harold.
You okay, man?
I hurt my nosy.
Let me see that.
Uh, you're fine, Rudolph.
I'm not fine.
I am hurt bad.
And I'm gonna
kick Arnold's butt.
Who? Me?
BOY: Let him go.
MAN: What are you doin'?
Uh, doin'?
We weren't doin' nothing.
It's Frankie G.
It don't look
like nothin'.
It looks like somethin'.
Let him go.
You okay, kid?
Oh, yeah.
Now, listen, idiot boy.
In the future,
leave the football
head alone.
Or I'll come back
and introduce you
to some pavement.
Yes, sir, Mr. G sir.
Come on, kid,
I'll give you a ride.
Okay, Frankie G.
Call me Frankie.
Wow, this is
I can't believe he's riding
in Frankie G's bike.
He's the coolest guy
in the world.
You're okay, kid.
I said, "You're okay."
You've got potential.
ARNOLD: You want my pencil?
See you tomorrow, Arnold.
Later, Frankie.
Speak to me, buddy.
Tell me about it, Arnold.
Come on, come on.
Leave the man alone.
Let him breathe.
If Arnold doesn't want to talk
about Frankie G right now,
he doesn't have to.
Come on, man, spill it!
Wow, what did you do?
Where'd you go?
There's nothing to tell.
He's a really nice guy.
He thinks my head's cool,
and he wants to be my friend.
What else is there to say?
He's not so scary.
I don't know, Arnold.
There's something
I don't like about that
Frankie G guy.
Or maybe you're
just bummed
'cause there's
someone cooler than you
around for a change.
Now you realize
that's impossible, Arnold.
I am the coolest.
BOY: Whoa. Bike.
That's so awesome.
Anybody who
Frankie G thinks is cool,
must be the coolest kid
in the universe.
FRANKIE: Hey, Arnold.
ARNOLD: Talk to you
later, Gerald.
Hey, man, how's it goin'?
You're ready to go
do some stuff?
Well, not right now.
I mean, I'm supposed
to go to school.
Yeah, good one.
Anyway, get on. We've got
more important things to do.
Well Okay.
ARNOLD: This is
where you live?
FRANKIE: Yeah. Come on in.
I want you to meet
some of the guys.
MAN: Hey, look, it's Frankie.
Hiya, Frankie.
Hey, we'll do
something later.
What? Frankie's here.
When are you gonna
pay me my rent?
Ah, come on, Miss Rozali.
You'll get it.
When have I ever
let you down?
Aw, you're
a good boy, Frankie.
You're a good boy.
Get out of here.
You're a nice lady.
You're hungry?
You can come
to my house anytime,
get something to eat.
I'll come over tonight.
All right, Frankie,
just make sure
you bring the rent.
I've never seen
anything like this.
Frankie likes music.
FRANKIE: Arnold,
the guys.
Tony B., Philly D.,
Joey C., and Chas.
Excellent to meet you,
old boy.
Chas is new.
Guys, this is Arnold.
Hey, touchdown,
how you doin', kid?
Have a seat, Arnold.
I'll get you a Yahoo.
Uh, hi.
I like your head.
Thanks. I think.
Yeah, man, he's perfect.
What a collection.
You know, Arnold,
most kids your age
don't appreciate
this kinda music.
What a system.
It's amazing.
Triple stack CD remote,
with 28-bit over-sampling,
joint 360 woofers
with separate sub-channel.
Where did you get
all this stuff, Frankie?
Hey, anything you want,
you can get
all you gotta do
is work hard,
plan things out, and
have your priorities
in the right order.
Guys, a toast
to our new friend, Arnold.
May he always know
the true meaning
of friendship.
ALL: To Arnold.
From now on, Arnold,
you're one of us.
ALL: One of us.
ARNOLD: See you
tonight, Frankie.
Hey, Arnold.
Where have you been?
We were supposed
to go skateboarding,
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
But, man, Gerald,
I had the best time.
I met Frankie's friends
and we hung out.
And guess what.
We have the same
taste in music.
But you skipped school.
Well, Frankie said
he wanted me
to go with him,
and I just went.
What's all this
Frankie stuff?
Well, he's my friend.
Come on,
he's not your friend.
You don't even
know the guy.
Sure I do.
Look Arnold, I was talking
to my man Fuzzy Slippers
and he says this
Frankie G is bad news.
What do you mean,
"bad news"?
He just is, that's all.
And if you're smart,
you'd stay away from him.
You know, Gerald,
you're lucky.
You've always had
a big brother
to hang out with.
I haven't.
And for the first time
in my life,
I've got somebody older
to look up to,
somebody who likes me
even though I'm just a kid.
You'd think that you
of all people
would be happy for me.
Instead, you're just jealous.
That's whack, man.
What are you talking?
You heard me.
You're just jealous.
I thought you were
cooler than that.
Hey, Arnold, hurry up,
we're gonna be late.
ARNOLD: Hey, Frankie,
can I ask you a question?
Sure, Arnold, shoot.
Is there some reason
you want me to hang out
with you guys?
Something I don't get?
What are you talking about?
ARNOLD: Well, I mean
the reason we're
hanging out together
is you're really
my friend, right?
Of course, I'm really
your friend, Arnold.
And you're really
my friend, right?
Sure, Frankie.
And friends
do friends favors, right?
Yeah. What's the favor?
Get on.
They're late. (SPITS)
Gene's Hi-Fi?
What are we doing here?
You'll see.
Okay, Frankie G,
we're all set.
Let's do it.
"Do it"? Do what?
Come on, Arnold,
I wanna show you something.
See that window up there?
You're the only guy
with a head
with right shape
to get through that window.
All you gotta do
is crawl through,
jump down inside,
and unlock the door. See?
You mean
I need a new tweeter
for my system.
So you needed me
to help you steal a tweeter?
Look, Arnold,
you wanna be cool, right?
Sometimes, if you
wanna be cool,
you gotta bend
the rules a little.
I thought we were friends.
Well, we'll be better friends
when you get
through that window.
Hey! You're not
listening to me.
ARNOLD: What are you doing?
Leave me alone.
No! Let go of me!
I won't do it.
Yeah? Watch this.
(GRUNTS) Come on! Stop!
I don't wanna do this.
I won't do this.
Come on. Stop.
Cherry tops!
FRANKIE: So long, sucker.
Later days, triangle face.
Get it out of the way,
you crook!
Let me down!
Arnold? Arnold!
You okay?
Huh? Gerald?
Hang on, I'll pull you out.
Thanks, Gerald.
Where'd you get
that thing anyway?
It's my grandpa's.
I found it in the attic.
How'd you know I was here?
Hey, I followed you.
I told you those
guys were trouble.
Fuzzy slippers
tell no lies, man.
Guess I acted pretty dumb.
Yeah, you did.
Hey, Gerald,
do me a big favor.
GERALD: Yeah, what?
If I ever do anything
like that again,
drop a piano on my head.
You got it, man.
Now, who
did you say
was the coolest?
ARNOLD: You know,
you're a bold kid, Gerald.
GERALD: Wait a minute,
that's my line.
ARNOLD: Oh, yeah.
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