Hey Arnold! (1996) s03e02 Episode Script

Dangerous Lumber/Mr. Hyunh Goes Country

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
Hey Arnold!
Hey Arnold!
Move it, football head.
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
HAROLD: Oh, look!
Arnold got the bat.
I'm so scared.
Move in!
Look at you Arnold.
Swinging your butt
like you're some kinda
Mickey Kaline or something.
Just throw the ball,
you big oaf.
You couldn't hit a watermelon
off a t-ball, Arnold.
Just throw it.
ALL: Are you okay?
Are you alright?
Can you hear me?
GERALD: Say something big boy.
Easy squeezy lemon peezy.
Ha ha ha!
Well, well, well.
It's Arnold,
the heat sinking
smart bomb.
Come on Harold!
Suck it up and pitch it.
I'm okay.
What the heck is going on
football head?
At this rate you're gonna
bean everyone on the field.
You're up scud.
Okay, okay.
Arnold the assassin
is up to bat.
Heads up, you guys!
I got it,
I got it,
I got it.
ALL: I got it. I got it.
Man! You're a freak
of nature football head.
Look at the bright
side Arnold.
You hit the ball every time
you come up to bat.
Yeah. But I also hit a kid
every time I come up to bat.
So? You're currently
batting a thousand.
This Friday night we're
playing the Wolfgangs team.
And the way you're hitting,
we can't lose.
But, today I hurt
half the team,
Ah, no one got hurt
that bad.
EUGENE: Good news guys.
The doctor said I'll have
my full memory back
in a few weeks.
Oh, what a great sign.
Eugene there's a stop sign.
Oh! (THUD)
EUGENE: I'm okay.
GRANDPA: Eh, heh!
Look at 'em
down there Arnold.
All your friends
playin' baseball
the great American pastime.
Wait ya! Ooh! Wait a minute.
How come you aren't down there
playing with them?
I'm too dangerous, Grandpa.
Oh, ho ho!
Are you still worried about
that hooker man.
So you knocked over
some of your friends.
Well, good for you.
You're not dangerous Arnold.
You're just a good shot.
Grandpa, every time I hit
the ball, I hurt somebody.
Not every time.
It's mathematically
impossible short man.
Sooner or later, I'm sure
you'll have to miss somebody.
And then you'll be cured.
Come on, I'll prove it.
GRANDPA: All right, let's see
what you're made of.
Oh, come on now,
Don't hold back.
Give me your best.
Oh! Little Mr. Ty Cobb junior,
You stink!
You couldn't hit the side
of the statue of liberty
if you were
ten feet away from it.
Um, Grandpa,
just pitch the ball.
Oh, alright, fine.
We'll play by your rules.
Aha, ow!
Ow! What'd you do that for?
See? Every time I hit
the ball,
I hurt somebody.
Well, stop it.
Maybe we should stop, Grandpa.
No, nonsense. We just have to
keep trying it. That's all.
I got another leg.
MAN: Ow! That baseball hit me
right in the head.
Ok, one more try, short man.
And this time you'll miss
for sure.
Yeah, Arnold.
No question about it.
You got dangerous lumber.
In your hands
that bat is a weapon
of mass destruction.
Oh! I'd quit baseball
if I were you.
Quit baseball?
We're talking about
the great American pastime.
Mr. Pots, there's no way
I can practice without
hurting someone.
Are you kiddin'?
Of course there is.
Okay, Arnold.
MR. POTS: This will give you
confidence. Nothing could
go wrong.
And no one can get hurt.
BOY: Ow!
ARNOLD: That's it.
I quit.
I'm sick. I'm hurting people.
I don't care how much
I love baseball.
I can't bat anymore.
Maybe ever.
You what?
Arnold, you can't just
go and quit now.
We need you
for Friday's game.
I mean the way
you're hitting
The way I'm hitting
is the whole problem, Gerald.
The way you're hitting,
our troubles would be
over, football head.
Don't wuss-out on us.
Come on Arnold,
You gotta play.
We need you.
All: Come on!
I told you, I can't.
ALL: Arnold, please.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the pathetic
little fourth grade team.
You're gonna show up
for Fridays's beating or
you're gonna wuss-out?
Oh, no.
Everybody's gonna show up.
Right, you guys?
(CHUCKLES) Alright then?
See you Friday.
GERALD: How about I lead off?
Then Sid, Stinky,
Nadine, Harold
Yeah, great plan Geraldo.
It's like you're rearranging
deck chairs on the Titanic.
Come on,
we don't stand a chance.
So, Friday at last,
huh, losers?
You about ready there
with your little strategy?
We're ready for you Bubba.
We got a plan.
You'll see.
Whatever. See you at 7:00.
At the vacant lot.
Don't you mean Gerald field?
Right, the vacant lot.
Well, good luck tonight,
to you guys.
Don't you have some
non baseball activity
plan for this afternoon?
ARNOLD: I better be going.
Hi, folks!
Mickey Kaline, here.
You probably remember being
a big fan of mine
when I was playin' ball.
Well, I remember being a big
fan of Ball Park hot dogs.
So after I retired,
I decided to open
this restaurant.
Mickey's all natural casing's
dog pounds.
So come on down.
That's Mickey's all natural
casing dog pounds.
Right across the street
from Phil's TV.
Hey kid, you look a little
down the dumps.
You okay?
Well, I've got this problem,
Is it the hot dog?
It's not the hot dog, guys.
So, what is it?
Well, I've got
a big game tonight.
At 7:00 at the vacant lot
by my house.
You mean Gerald field?
And they really need
me tonight,
'cause we're up against this
huge mean fifth grader.
And the thing is,
whenever I go up
to bat I get a hit.
But every time I get a hit,
the ball hits somebody
and they get hurt.
Dangerous lumber.
You got dangerous
lumber, kid.
What should I do?
Well, grab in on a hot dog,
sit back and listen up.
When I was just starting out
there was this player
by the name of Johnny Banks.
We called him target practice
because he too had
dangerous lumber.
One season playing first
base against him,
he hit my elbow,
both knees, my wrist
and some called the Tibula
whatever that is.
One day I took him by the neck
and asked him to stop.
Now, it's been hard for Johnny
to step up the bat after that
but he faced his fears.
Next time he gets up
hits it over my head
straight out of the park.
You got to face
your fears too kid.
You gotta stand up
to that plate, swing.
No matter what.
Because if you don't,
You'll never get over it.
You could end up a loser.
Never live up
to your true potential.
But if you stick to it,
you face your fears
it'll end up a big success.
Like me.
Mr. Kaline,
The Toilet's backed up.
Strike three!
That's two out and one
to go, bottom of the ninth.
Say your prayers
you fourth graders.
Well, that's about it.
It's all over but the crying.
What's the score?
Ten to seven.
Last inning.
Bases loaded.
Two out.
Give me a bat.
Thanks Grandpa.
Well, if it isn't the kid
with the weird shape head.
How nice of you to join us.
Just pitch the ball, Wolfgang.
Strike one!
MAN: Oh! Hey!
Strike two.
Come on Arnold.
You gotta swing.
MAN: Number one.
It's going, going.
That babe is gone.
ALL: Yay!
Wow! You okay, Mister?
Easy squeezy lemon peezy.
ALL: Yay!
GRANDPA: Hey, hey!
That's my grandson.
Mr. Ty Cobb junior.
ALL: Arnold! Arnold!
Oh, my gosh.
It's Mickey Kaline.
Hey kid!
Hey Mickey.
You take my advice?
I sure did.
Any luck?
Yeah, I'm cured.
I hit the ball
right out of the park.
Yeah, I know.
I I caught it.
Here. It's the home run ball
you hit today.
I thought you might want it.
Thanks, Mickey.
I better get back
to the dog pound.
Hey, Mickey?
Yeah kid.
Don't you wanna hear
how I won the game?
Sure kid.
Well, I was plenty scared
when I stepped up to bat.
I mean Wolfgang was pitching
like a man on fire.
But I remember what
you told me about
facing my fears.
So I just planted my feet
and dug in.
Whoopee ti yi yo
Get along little dogies♪
It's your misfortune
Ain't none of my own♪
Whoopee ti yi yo
Get along little dogies♪
You know that Wyoming
Will be your new home♪
Hello, Yes.
Mr. Hyunh.
Was that you singing?
Yes. I love to sing.
But But that
was incredible.
You sounded
like a professional.
No, I just sing for fun.
I have to go town myself.
You know that Wyoming
Will be your new home ♪
GERALD: I can't believe it.
Mr. Hyunh?
I know. It's so weird.
When he talks sometimes
you can barely understand him.
When he sings
When he sings
he has the most beautiful,
velvety, country and western
singing voice
these ears have ever heard.
He should be on the radio.
Arnold, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
If Mr. Hyunh makes a country
western record and it's a hit,
he could quit his job
at the restaurant, move out
of the boarding house
If Mr. Hyunh makes
a country record
we could be his managers.
I mean, it was our idea
in the first place.
Mr. Hyunh,
country and western star.
Gerald: First,
we record a CD,
and then we get every
radio station in
the country to play.
He'll sell out concerts
all over the city.
Until finally,
we book the big one.
The Great Ole Opry.
Naturally as his managers,
we'll get the customary
10 percent.
Sounds good to me.
But don't you think
we better ask him first?
You can tempt me
With the palaces of kings ♪
I'd give 'em back
In a big ol' sack ♪
And keep the simple things♪
Wait a minute.
You mean you sing
like an angel.
And you write your own music?
Yes, I just do it to relax.
Mr. Hyunh, Gerald and I
were thinking
You should be a country
western singer.
I'm talking the real deal.
Making CD's,
playing concerts,
Sell out crowd.
Rich and famous.
Rich and famous?
That is very funny.
I don't want to be famous.
But Mr. Hyunh,
if you're rich you can live
anywhere you want.
Arnold, Gerald,
you have to understand.
I like my job
at the restaurant.
I like where I live,
it may be simple
but I think the simple things
are the best thing.
But Mr. H, think about it.
That amazing voice of yours
belongs on radios and TV.
Oh! I don't think so.
My friends and my family
enjoy my playing.
That's enough.
How about if you made a CD?
So your friends and family
can enjoy you all the time.
Umm, a a CD?
That might be fun.
Wait a minute,
he wants to record
a country western song?
right this way partner.
(LAUGHING) It's your
money, tex.
Let's lay one down.
You can offer me
A diamond-plated pearl♪
You can send me all
The riches in the world♪
Well, burn my house
and steal my car.
I just heard a brand-new
country western star.
BOTH: Yes!
MR. HYUNH: This was fun.
I I was thinking,
what if I try to get your song
played on the radio?
Oh! No radio station would
want to play my song.
Enjoy the CD. Bye.
Well, he never said
don't try to get it on
the radio, did he?
No, but
Come on.
Gee, that was great, you guys.
Can't play it
on the radio though.
My hands are tied
by the system.
Huh! Gotta go live.
Here is Billy Bob Blanchett,
with his newest hit,
I Done Went And Lost
My Dog Again.
I mean, I have to stick
to a really rigid playlist
and whoop!
Dropped my doughnut.
Heh, I know it's around
here somewhere.
You know, we just
changed over from
a Jazz format last week
Oh! Here it is.
Little dusty though.
Gee, that doesn't sound
like Billy Bob.
You guys didn't touch any
buttons, did ya?
Nashville Ned show.
You like the song?
Nashville, Ned.
Song? It's called uh
The Simple Things.
The Simple Things.
Yeah, sure.
Of course, I'm going
to play it again.
I've got the simple things♪
I've got the rain
in spring♪
Got spicy chicken wings ♪
And French-fried
onion rings♪
You can line me up
A mile of limousines♪
For me don't add up
to a hill o' beans♪
I got no hankerin'
For grabbin' your brass ring♪
It's crystal clear I'll stay
Right here and keep
The simple things♪
Oh, excuse me.
Aren't you that Mr. Hyunh,
the country singer?
Mr. HYUNH: Yes.
Dude, can I have
your autograph?
ALL: Me!
Look, look. It's Mr. Hyunh.
MAN: Hey, Mr Hyunh.
Hey Elvis, can I talk to you
for minute?
I'm very tired, Oscar.
Okay, that's good.
Listen, I was thinking
may be we could write
songs together.
G & A Management.
Yes, we represent Mr. Hyunh.
You want him to perform
at the county fair?
Let me check our schedule
Are you okay
a week from Friday?
I think I have to work
at the restaurant
next Friday.
Can you get Carlos
to cover for you?
Th this is big man.
This is the county fair.
Hey, Mr. Hyunh,
you were great.
You were great tonight,
Mr. H.
But I think you need to smile
and move around a little bit
more on the intro
of song number five.
Ahhh! Yes! Okay.
Mr. Hyunh,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm Travis Randall.
The Travis Randall?
The Emcee on The Great
Ole Opry show?
That's me.
Now, Mr. Hyunh, I've been
listening to you on the radio
and I heard you here today
and I must tell you
I like what I hear.
Oh, thank you.
I have come to ask you
to join us
at the Great Ole Opry show
this Sunday night
to perform on stage.
On national TV?
Yes sir.
Oh! I love that show.
I watch it every Sunday.
But, you want me
to play there?
Absolutely, my friend.
You're the real deal.
You could really
go places with that
wonderful voice of yours.
And believe me, I know
my country singers.
Oh! Thank you.
So you'll come play
Sunday night?
he'll be there Sunday.
It would be a
a great honor.
Who knows, if things
go well Sunday night,
you could come on the road
with The Great Ole Opry
touring show.
We play 30 cities
in two months.
Bye now.
30 city in two months?
That's a different city
every two days.
Oh, this is the big time,
Mr. H. The big time.
No. It is not Mr. Hyunh's
number so stop calling it.
Oh, Arnold.
Everything is happening
so fast.
A few weeks ago,
I was a simple happy man
with a good job
in a restaurant
and now all of a sudden
I'm a rhinestone cowboy.
It's all so complicated.
You don't have to do this,
you know.
But, Arnold,
everyone is counting on me.
You, Gerald
and now Mr. Randall,
want me to go to on tour.
Yeah, but the only thing
that really matters
is what you wanna do.
It's your life Mr. Hyunh.
Yes, my life.
I have a decision to make.
GERALD: Can you hear
that crowd?
It's gonna be the greatest
night of our lives Mr. Hyunh.
Tomorrow, we hit the road
for the 30 city country
western tour.
Uh, we need you on stage
in two minutes, Mr. Hyunh.
Did you make a decision?
ARNOLD: You're sure
it's the right one?
I am sure.
It's time to face the music.
You know,
ladies and gentlemen,
every once in a while
in my line of work
I hear a voice
that truly stands out.
That truly moves me.
that's not the case tonight.
I'm just pulling your leg.
Such a voice belongs
to tonight's featured
new artist.
This is Mr. Hyunh's
first time singing here
but I bet you a bundle,
it won't be his last.
Let's all give him a warm
Great Ole Opry welcome.
Mr. Hyunh.
Before I begin
I have something to say.
It is honor to be here.
So 10 percent of 5200
I love country music.
I love writing songs.
But I am a simple man.
I have a job in a restaurant
and I like it.
In fact some day,
I hope to be a great chef.
I don't want to be famous.
Oh, Gerald.
Not now, man.
I'm trying to figure how much
money we're gonna make.
This is my first time singing
at the Opry.
It will also be my last time.
So now,
I will sing my song
on stage for the last time.
You can offer me
A diamond-plated pearl ♪
You can send me
All the riches in the world ♪
You can tempt me
With the palaces of kings ♪
I'd give 'em back
In a big ol' sack
And keep the simple things ♪
I've got the simple things
I've got the rain in spring ♪
Got spicy chicken wings
and French-fried onion rings ♪
You can line me up
A mile of limousines ♪
For me it don't
Add up to a hill o' beans ♪
I got no hankerin'
For grabbin' your brass ring ♪
It's crystal clear
I'll stay right here
And keep the simple things ♪
I've got the summer breeze
Got 16 cans of peas ♪
A two-speed window fan
When it's 93 degrees ♪
So forgive me for not
Grabbin' your brass ring ♪
It's crystal clear
I'll stay right here
And keep the simple things ♪
It's crystal clear
I'll stay right here
And keep the simple things ♪
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