Hey Arnold! (1996) s05e14 Episode Script

April Fool's Day

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
Hey, Arnold!
Hey, Arnold!
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Oh! Oh-ho! Oh!
Mercy, Arnold.
There's been
a terrible accident!
And oh, April Fool's!
You got me, Grandpa.
Happy Groundhog's Day,
I saw my shadow.
And you know
what that means.
We know, Pookie.
BOTH: Twelve more days
of Christmas.
Oh, isn't it exciting?
Well, I'll be upstairs.
I got presents
to wrap.
Jingle bells,
jingle bells,
jingle all the way ♪
(SNIFFS) Ah, spring.
The fresh air,
the flowers
Hey Arnold,
smell my bout-onniere!
April Fool's!
Good one, Grandpa.
Sorry, Arnold,
I couldn't resist.
No more jokes now.
Eat your eggs.
Rubber eggs!
April Fool's!
Oh, come on, short man.
It's April Fool's day.
Don't you want
to play a prank
on someone?
No thanks, Grandpa.
I'm not really
into the April Fool's jokes.
Oh, that's crazy talk, Arnold.
Everyone loves April Fool's.
Let's see.
Oh, here it is.
The grand daddy
of all April Fool's pranks.
Try this one on your
little classmates today,
I used it on my friend,
Jimmy Kafka.
Told him it was
a late birthday present.
But when you open it,
a blinding light
goes off!
It's a riot.
No thanks, Grandpa.
I just don't think
anybody at school's
really into April Fool's Day.
April Fool's!
April Fool's.
April Fool's!
Oh, ah.
Good one, Sheena.
Wow, I guess everyone's
really into April Fool's Day.
No kiddin', Arnold.
We gotta get in
on this action.
I don't know, Gerald.
I'm just not really
into it. I'm too
I know.
Trustworthy, loyal,
helpful, friendly,
courteous, kind.
In fact, you're
the perfect target
for an April Fool's joke.
April Fool's,
football head!
Good one, Helga.
Get used to it, bucko.
'Cause you're gonna
get it all day long.
Students, quiet, please.
Settle down.
I have some
very serious news.
Your beloved teacher,
Mr. Simmons
is no longer with us
because he was run over
by an enormous steamroller!
Oh! Egad!
It's his ghost!
April Fool's, everybody!
It's not my ghost.
It's just me.
That was so lame.
Thank you,
Principal Wartz, for
a very special introduction.
Let's make it
an annual tradition,
Mr. Simmons.
Carry on.
Oh, class,
we're having our first
annual April Fool's dance
tonight at
the YMAA gym.
Principal Wartz and I
will both be there
as chaperones,
and I'll be crowning
one lucky student
the King of Fools!
Eugene, would you mind
distributing the flyers?
I'd be honored!
I really hope
you'll all come
and vote for me.
I think I'd make
a wonderful King of Fools.
I'm okay.
Hey, Arnoldo,
pick up my pencil.
Arnold farted!
April Fool's,
football head.
Willikers, Sid,
this school's just
chock-full of pranks.
I know.
This room is tough.
We gotta think
of a prank that
beats 'em all,
or it'd be a shame.
Yeah, huge whoppin'
super prank.
Hey, what if we pulled
one at the big dance
that Mr. Simmons is
going on about?
That's a great idea, Sid.
Tonight, where everybody
could see.
Now all we gotta do
is think of a prank.
Maybe we could use
something involving
my pet turtle, Snappy.
He's a parcel
of laughs.
Careful, Sid.
He really bites.
I hope Helga's finished
playing April Fool's
jokes on me.
April Fool's,
football head!
Look at him!
What a loser!
Time to change
your diaper, Arnold!
Arnold, she's gonna be
at it all day.
She said so herself.
Face it, man,
it is time to retaliate.
You're right.
I'll be back.
Hello, Grandpa.
Hello. Ed E. Cumming.
Huh? Oh, sorry.
I must have
April Fool's!
Sorry, short man.
I couldn't resist.
You're just a perfect
straight man.
Not anymore.
I'm calling
'cause I've decided
to take you up
on your offer, after all.
A special offer?
Sorry, we're not
buying any today.
Thank you, goodbye.
April Fool's, Arnold!
I can't stop.
Listen, I'm serious.
Remember that little
gift box you showed me
this morning?
Of course I do!
It's the grand daddy
of all April Fool's pranks.
Oh, don't tell me!
You want to
use it on someone?
That's right.
I can't believe it.
Oh, this is wonderful!
Hold that thought,
Arnold. Don't weaken.
I'll be right down.
And Grandpa,
bring me an
extra pair of pants.
Yeah. Done.
Oh, now we're ready
to try it,
Mr. "I'm not really
into April Fool's Day."
Can I just have the box,
please, Grandpa?
What's that
on your pants?
Turn around.
It's chocolate pudding.
Oh, that's a good one.
Old pudding pants.
Who did it?
Let me guess,
your little friend
with the one eyebrow?
Helga, right.
Can I have the box?
Wait till she gets
a load of this.
She'll be the one
needing an extra
pair of pants.
And speaking of which,
here's yours.
Uh, Grandpa,
those are your pants.
April Fool's.
Good luck, short man.
Man, talk about gullible!
You're almost as easy
to bamboozle as
that loser, Arnold!
Speaking of which,
where is the biggest
sap of them all?
Right here, Helga.
And I have
a present for you.
Ha! Get real,
football head.
Like there's any way
I'm falling for
that old gag.
It isn't a gag.
It's a belated
birthday present.
Yeah, right.
And I'm Mary,
Queen of Scots.
I'm serious, Helga.
I mean, your birthday,
well, it was
last week, right?
HELGA: Oh, my gosh!
I can't believe
he remembered!
Yeah, so?
So happy belated birthday!
Oh, Arnold,
my beloved,
you're so kind
and good.
I solemnly swear,
I'll never play
another prank
on you again.
Well, uh
Gee, Arnold. Thanks.
April Fool's.
Help, help!
I'm blind!
You have to be
if you didn't see
that one coming.
HELGA: No, you morons,
I am really blind!
It's like Mr. Simmons
always says,
horseplay leads to tears.
So give it to me
straight, lady, am I
gonna make it or not?
You'll be just fine,
Fortunately, your blindness
is only temporary.
You should be back
among the sighted
any second now.
Hey, what do you know,
I'm cured!
Well, thanks for
the miracle!
I'll catch you later.
Not so fast, Helga.
Before I can let you go,
you have to promise me
you'll be more careful.
Me? But this whole thing
was Arnold's fault.
Him and his lousy
April Fool's prank.
Can you believe
I trusted him?
Either way, I want you
to ease up on
the tomfoolery.
The last thing we need
is for you to wind up with
a permanent eye injury!
It would be
devastating for you,
and your little
football-headed friend!
Wait a minute,
that's a great idea!
I mean,
that's great advice!
From now on,
careful's gonna be
my middle name.
You can count on it.
Oh, man.
This is gonna be so boss!
I'll pull the biggest
April Fool's prank of all,
by pretending
to still be blind.
And Arnold,
sentimental sucker
that he is,
will feel so guilty
and responsible,
he'll have no choice
but to be my slave.
My servant,
my seeing-eye dog!
I'll totally torture him.
Now all I gotta do
is sell it.
Boy, howdy.
She has been in there
a long time.
But you must feel
pretty guilty right
about now, huh, Arnold?
Way to state
the obvious, Sid.
Helga, are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine,
you know,
except for the fact
that I'm still blind.
Helga, I'm so sorry.
Arnold. Arnold,
is that you?
It's so dark.
Yes, it's me.
So what did
the nurse say?
I mean, how long
is this thing
gonna last?
You mean my complete
and utter lack
of eyesight?
Oh, you know,
maybe an hour.
Maybe forever.
(GULPS) Well, is there
anything I can do?
Well, actually there is.
You could walk me home.
I figure I should
break the sad news
to my poor parents
as soon as possible.
No problem.
Great! I'll go get my things.
That is
the saddest thing
I have ever seen.
Tell me about it.
Now she's even more
pathetic than ever.
I was talking
about Arnold.
The poor guy
could be indebted
to Helga G. Pataki
for the rest of his life.
Helga, I'm really,
really sorry.
I swear, I never meant
for this to happen.
Ah, don't sweat it.
It'll all blow over soon.
And if not, well, you got
the rest of your life
to make it up to me.
So what's the hold-up,
why'd we stop?
Red light.
Helga, what is it?
What's wrong?
Uh, nothing,
it's just
I'm overwhelmed
by all these sounds.
They're making me dizzy.
Do you think you could
carry me across
the street, Arnold?
Carry you?
No, on your back.
Like one of the ponies
at the petting zoo.
I mean, it's the least
you could do for
blinding me, right?
Ow, watch Watch out!
Ah, it's my hair.
Arnold, look out
for that cab!
Arnold, are we alive?
We're fine.
Phew! Good thing I saw
Uh, I mean, smelled
that cab coming.
You smelled the cab?
Yeah, you know how it is
when you lose
one of your senses.
The others just kind of
kick into overdrive.
(SNIFFS) Speaking of which,
you might want to try
a stronger deodorant,
football head.
Thanks, I'll keep
that in mind.
I don't know about you,
but all this excitement
has really made me thirsty.
Oh, there's a drinking
fountain over there.
No dice.
I need something hearty.
There any place around here
I can get
a milkshake, Arnold?
Well, there's Lawson's,
but it's on the other
side of the street.
Well, then, giddyap.
Okay, what'll it be?
An extra-large
triple chocolate shake.
Two cherries,
no funny stuff.
That's an awful big order
for such a little girl.
You sure your eyes
aren't bigger
than your stomach?
Positive. On account
of my friend here
who has blinded me.
Why don't you make it two?
Well, you're the boss.
And don't skimp
on the whipped cream,
okay, Wyatt?
Why, it's gotten
so very, very warm
in here all of a sudden.
I'm gonna go sit outside.
Be a sport and pick up
the check, would you, Arnold?
Well, here we are.
Your house.
Thanks, Arnold.
I really appreciate
all that you've done for me.
You know, except
the part where
you made me go blind.
Dropped my books.
Let me get them for you.
Don't bother.
It's not like they're
of any use to me
now that I'm blind.
Hey, I know.
Why don't you take it?
After all, I'm going to
need someone to do
my homework for me
until I learn Braille.
Well, see you later.
Oh, wait,
I won't,
because I'm blind
because of you.
Mom, I'm home!
And I'm blind!
Arnold, what a sap.
What a sucker.
What an April Fool.
I mean,
talk about blind.
The guy can't even
see the wool being
pulled over his own eyes.
Oh, well, I guess I'll just
sit back and enjoy
a dish of sweet revenge.
Oh, happy
Groundhog's Day,
You're just in time
to open presents.
Maybe later, Grandma.
Oh, how'd the prank
go, Arnold?
Was it a big hit?
No, Grandpa.
It was terrible.
Helga went blind.
Oh, what's so
terrible about that?
Sounds like
a total success.
Heck, I nearly
wet my pants
when the same thing
happened to Jimmy Kafka.
What? Grandpa,
why didn't you tell me?
That I wet my pants?
Well, that's no big news.
No, that the prank
could cause blindness.
Arnold, I did.
I said, it had
a blinding flash.
I can't believe
this is happening.
Oh, don't worry,
short man.
If Helga has Jimmy's luck,
she should have
her sight back
Meanwhile, you should
do something nice
to make it up to her.
Hey, I know!
Why don't you take her
to this April Fool's dance?
Grandpa, what good
will that do?
It'll be fun!
It'll take her mind
off the horrible situation.
You know, the fact
that you blinded her.
Well, I guess
it couldn't hurt.
Unless she falls down
and breaks her hip.
Helga, it's Arnold.
Uh, I mean
How are things
in the sighted world,
football head?
Fine. The reason
I called was,
I was wondering if you
wanted to go to the
April Fool's dance with me.
You mean, like a blind date
or something?
Uh, I guess
you could call it that.
All right, Arnold,
if it'll ease your
guilty conscience.
But it better be
first-class all the way.
Nothing on the cheap.
It won't be.
I promise.
Good. I'm glad
we're seeing eye-to-eye.
You know,
figuratively speaking.
Since I'm blind.
I'll pick you up
at 7:00. Bye.
Hah! Forget about
Eugene being crowned
King of Fools,
at this rate,
Arnold's the shoo-in
for victory.
And when I'm done
with him,
he's gonna wish he'd
never tried to beat me
at my own game.
Everybody out.
Next stop,
North Pole.
HELGA: Watch your back,
watch your back,
blind girl
coming through.
Look at Helga!
Boy, howdy.
Look at her!
Yeah, she looks
even blinder than before.
I realize she's blind
and everything,
but her outfit?
I mean, there's
really no excuse.
Attention, everyone!
Welcome to the most
special dance
of the year,
our first ever
April Fool's dance!
And remember,
later tonight,
we'll be crowing
the King of Fools.
So don't forget
to cast your vote.
I really hope
I can count
on your votes.
I think I'm a natural-born
King of Fools. Don't you?
I couldn't care less.
April Fool's?
No, Eugene.
No April Fool's.
Hey, Helga.
I brought you
some punch.
About time.
Now hand it over.
Nice going.
You spilled punch
on my hands.
Oh, well, I guess
I'll just wipe 'em off
with this towel.
Ow! That's my hair, Helga.
Okay, people,
time to come
on the floor
and dance to a special
April Fool's Day song
played backwards!
Are the sighted people
out there dancing
and having fun?
That That must be nice.
Helga, would you
like to dance?
Sure, what the heck.
Arnold dragging
a blind Helga
around the YMAA
gym floor,
to backwards
disco music.
Now I've seen everything.
It is a rather
extraordinary situation.
Easy there, fella.
No snapping.
At least not yet.
ARNOLD: Oh, man,
I really hate this.
HELGA: Oh, man,
do I love this or what?
I'm actually dancing
cheek-to-cheek with Arnold.
He's holding me tight,
his hair smells yummy.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I love this guy!
Maybe I should
stop torturing him.
Nah, this is
way too much fun.
I'm not okay.
Oh, my, Eugene!
Should I call a doctor?
April Fool's,
I'm okay.
Well, I'm not okay.
Where's the dumb
football head that
blinded me for life?
I'm right here, Helga.
Take me to the can.
Geez, I'm about
to explode.
Now there's a lovely image.
Oh, here we are,
The girls' room.
Can you take it
from here?
Fine, I'll grope my way
into the stall.
Thanks for nothing.
Phew! At long last.
Phoebe! Jeez,
don't scare me like that.
Helga, you can see me?
Is your eyesight
Phoebe, I'm not blind.
I can see everything.
Oh, my!
And I especially
can see Arnold
falling for the greatest
April Fool's joke in history!
I totally have him
fooled, the fool.
He's the one
who's blind.
Gosh, Helga,
I'm amazed.
I mean, I'm actually
It's a brilliant
April Fool's prank.
Pretty good, huh?
I'm chumping everybody!
It's easy as pie.
And you know why?
Because the people
we hang out with
are lamebrains
and saps!
And the biggest
lamebrain is Arnold!
Ha! I can't wait to see
the look on his idiotic face
when I break the news to him.
There's just
one more dance to go,
and then it's time
to announce
the King of Fools.
But until then,
mum's the word.
Got it?
Uh-oh, I heard a flush
but no "ow."
Looks like the joke's
on us, Sid,
on account that
Snappy's been flushed
down the toilet.
Oh, this really bites.
Guess what, man?
Helga's faking it.
She's totally
pretending she's blind.
Pretending? Helga?
I just heard her
tell Phoebe
the whole thing.
She said you're
a lamebrain and a sap.
And a chump.
So she thinks
I'm a lamebrain
and a sap, huh?
And a chump.
Maybe it's time
you give Helga G. Pataki
a taste of her
own medicine.
Gerald, I think
you're thinking
what I'm thinking.
That's even better
than what I was thinking.
All right, people,
it's time to tango.
There you are, Helga.
Just in time
for the tango.
Bring it on,
football head.
Let's cut her up.
Must be strange,
not being able
to see anything.
Anything at all.
It is, it's very
Arnold, you're being
kind of rough.
Don't worry my poor,
blind friend.
You're in good hands.
Um, fellas, is it just me
or is the floor moving?
Helga, there's something
I've been meaning
to tell you.
There is? Funny.
There's something
I have been meaning
to tell you, too.
Yeah, I'd just
been waiting.
Waiting for
the right moment.
HELGA: So have I.
People, attention!
We've counted
all the votes.
And our first ever
King of Fools is
You, Arnold!
Actually, it's you,
April Fool's!
Actually, Eugene
is the King of Fools.
Me? Oh my gosh!
It's an honor
just to be nominated.
You're all winners, guys!
Here he comes
He's the King of Fools
He's Eugene
From our very own school ♪
HAROLD: Where did
Eugene and Helga go?
ARNOLD: Joke's on you
this time, Helga.
I know you're not blind.
All right, fine, you win.
The least you can do
is help me out of here.
Ha! Got you again,
football head.
What the heck.
April Fool's, Simmons.
Ow! Ouch!
you're alive!
He made it through
the toilet after all!
Hey, wait a minute.
If Snappy got flushed
down the toilet
and ended up here,
what the heck
are we swimming in?
Let's get out of here!
Gosh, this is the best
April Fool's Day ever!
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