High Maintenance (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

Fingerbutt

1 WOMAN: Wait.
I'm starting to rethink the beige.
I know you're closing up, but what about these? These are gonna run you considerably more, 'cause they're made to order.
My guy in Perugia is a fifth-generation tile maker.
He and his brother hand-paint each and every one.
- His brother lost a hand.
- His leg.
Oh, right.
His leg.
Anyway - Well, they're really beautiful.
- Aren't they? I've been working with Enzo and his family for almost 40 years.
Oh, wow.
He's the best.
Very unique designs.
Here, why don't I give you a card, and you can look at the whole gallery online.
WOMAN: Oh, shoot! Look at those.
I thought I knew, now I have no idea.
[LAUGHING]: Well, there's no hurry.
You're gonna be looking at that wall everyday.
Why don't you take your time and come back to us.
Thank you, I'll definitely be back.
This has been great.
It sure has.
- Okay, thanks, Mamie.
- Bye-bye.
Take care.
Oh, my God, - I thought she'd never leave.
- Tell me about it.
Let's blow this dump.
MAMIE: So, if he can't guarantee his delivery by next month, what use do we have for him? I'm gonna take my business elsewhere, you know? Uh-huh.
Why do you do that? You're gonna run into something.
It's my friend, Ruby.
She's asking if you'd ever consider modeling.
What? Modeling? Yeah, it's for a campaign she's producing.
She's just seen you on my Instagram.
- Instagram? Let me see.
- Mm-hmm.
Come on.
I'm not a model.
They don't want models, that's the whole point.
I don't understand.
Why me? Are you kidding me, Mamie? Look at you.
Exactly! Look at me.
Is this the body and face of a model? - You are fixated on that word, "model.
" - Wheeler, you're the one who's trying to convince me to be a model.
- Okay, fair, but - You're a beautiful woman! RIVKA: Yeah, and your fabulous clothes? Come on! WHEELER: Right? You're iconic.
MAMIE: Oh, well, let's not get carried away now.
MARY: I've always said you have the most interesting face, - haven't I? - RIVKA: Why is this so shocking? MAMIE: I don't know.
It's not like I was trying to get noticed or something MARY: Well, you certainly weren't trying to be invisible.
Let's get real.
Is there pay? - Oh, there's pay.
- Yes.
- You didn't say that.
How much? - It's a fair amount.
It's enough that she can go on a nice vacation.
- That's a no-brainer to me.
- Mamie, you are fabulous.
Thank you, my love.
- All right.
Let's get dessert.
- Dessert, I want No dessert for you.
You're a model now.
[ALL LAUGHING] COLLIER SCHORR: Take a few steps to your right.
Nice.
Look around.
Take a minute - Okay, so makeup is straight ahead.
- Oh, thanks sweetie.
SARA: Oh, my God.
Mamie, right? Hi! I love that name.
I remember you 'cause that name is so good.
I'm Sara.
[LAUGHING]: It's really nice to meet you, sweetheart.
- You look amazing.
- Well, thank you! - Okay, let's find Ruby.
- Is this Mamie? Hi, how are you? Oh, my God! You look better in person.
How is that even possible? I feel like I know you already, too, 'cause Wheeler's always posting pictures.
Oh, is she? I don't know what she puts up there.
SARA: For real though, everyone is obsessed with you.
RUBY: Yes, girl, we are obsessed.
Let's go to wardrobe.
Are you hungry? Do you need something to eat? No, I'm good.
I would use the ladies' room, though.
My bladder is the size of a damn peanut.
MAMIE: Okay if I hang this stuff here? Absolutely.
But, cute-ini, you did my job for me! - I'm sorry.
- No, no.
It's all good.
We just want to start with a clean, fresh palette.
It's just, I'm so used to slapping on my customary spackle in the morning.
I always tell my clients, just moisturize and drink water.
Those are really the two main ingredients for good skin.
Of course, here I am telling you to hydrate while I suck down the second coffee of the day.
Oh, a little coffee never hurt anybody.
Oh, yes, sis, it dehydrates your skin and discolors your teeth.
Hey, I'm gonna order some weed if anyone wants to get in on it.
SHAY: Hell yes.
That sounds good.
Hold a second.
EVAN [LAUGHING]: Okay, try to look, like, disgusted.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, here, check it out.
[ABDULLAH LAUGHING] - Dude, that's fucking amazing! - I knew it.
I'm gonna send this to our mutual friend.
Man, who knew that finger meat could look that much like ass and thigh meat? Yeah.
I guess I did.
Shit, man.
Take an item from the case, man.
Anything you want.
- Really? Well - Are you kidding me? Look at the gift you've given me.
- I won't say no to that.
- - You got anymore tricks? - Oh, yeah.
Sure.
[GRUNTING, SCREAMING] Oh, my God, dude! What the fuck, man? Are you okay? Just kidding.
[BOTH LAUGHING] - Dude, you're fucking crazy! - Yeah.
Wait, wait.
Hold that.
Let me get some of my finger ass-meat in the shot here.
BOTH: Ah! Ooh! All right, here.
Check this out.
[BOTH LAUGHING] Wait.
You have to show me how to do that immediately.
Oh, my God, it's so easy, and it's going to change your life.
MAMIE: Does it make me look washed-out? No, yeah.
It's great.
- I think it really works.
- It totally works, maybe.
- I'm just kidding.
- Pip! - Hello, my love.
- Hi boo! Wow, sis, you are looking sickening, mate! Do you even need to go to makeup? Honestly, thank God for y'all.
I slept maybe four hours.
Well, God bless you, - because you're perfect.
- Amazing.
- So, are we good? - Yeah, Ma, you look great.
That's the outfit.
Okay, you're all set.
Thank you.
JOJO: Show us, show us! What the [LAUGHING] Checking out the sandwiches? Can't decide which one I want.
- Try 'em both.
- Mm, too many calories.
Mamie, are you ready? Call me Helen Reddy.
Okay, right this way.
- [CAMERA SNAPPING] - COLLIER SCHORR: That's great, Mamie.
Okay, take a small little walk to your right.
Nice.
Gentle.
Okay, stop.
Great.
Okay, take it back to the middle.
Maybe, like, give a little jump? - Give a little hop.
- Okay.
Beautiful! That's perfect.
You look like you've been doing this your whole life.
MAMIE: If there's even a little bit of truth in that, - it's because of you.
- Well I think you were born in a photo studio.
[WHISPERS]: Okay.
You know what? - We like it when she smiles better.
- Okay.
Can you give me one of those smiles? - From before? - Okay.
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Yeah, that's perfect.
Hey, Mamie, has anyone ever showed you the fingerbutt? The fingerbutt? No.
Look like you're shocked.
MAMIE [LAUGHING]: Oh, my God! That's great, that's great.
Liam, Liam Liam, get out of the way.
[LAUGHING]: That's great.
- Yes! - That's magic, Mamie.
- Yes, Mama! - Get it girl, yes! [WHEELER GASPS] WHEELER: Look at you! You look luminous! Your skin is glowing! MAMIE: Looks like somebody else's skin.
And look at those teeth.
They glow in the dark, that's glowing.
WHEELER: They look beautiful.
They look white and bright and shiny! MAMIE: They look radioactive.
WHEELER: I am thrilled.
I know a model! RIVKA: Wow, full page.
Why do they always find ways to remind me about my age? Yeah, like, oh, my God, I think I almost forgot, I am old.
I never think of my age until somebody reminds me.
I still feel like I did when I was 35.
I still feel the same way as you did when you were 35.
- [LAUGHTER] - God, that is such a mindfuck.
- Screw them! You got paid, right? - Where's the check? Finally, a month after the fact.
Ugh, where are we going? I vote Jamaica.
WAITER: Can I get you girls another drink? Oh, yes.
We girls would love another drink.
MAMIE: God damn it.
Hey! You got, you got, you got You got to Hey, you're mine, you're mine You gotta shake it, you got You're mine, you're mine, you're mine You're gonna break it and shine, shine, shine You got to Hey, you're mine, you're mine You gotta get it, and you shine, you shine, you shine! Oh.
No, it's okay, really.
It's me, see? Oh, okay.
That's what's up.
[LAUGHING]: Have a good night.
- Hey-hey, lady, wait! - What? You mind if I take a selfie with you? No! Come on.
Really? Oh, man, that's cool.
All right.
Fix that up.
There you go.
One, two, three cheese! Well, thanks a lot.
All right.
MAMIE: You're welcome.
Oh! Have you ever tried the fingerbutt? [DOG WHIMPERING] - It's okay, buddy.
- So, what now? I would want to get him into surgery for a proper biopsy of the mass, and then, depending on what we find, there'd be another surgery to remove the mass itself.
[SNIFFLES] Or you can take him for a walk to the park, buy him a turkey sandwich, and then bring him back and say goodbye.
[SOBBING] How much is the surgery? [MAN SINGING MELANCHOLY SONG IN FRENCH] [GASPS, PANTS] There you go.
[SIGHING]: Oh, very good.
[LIGHTER FLICKS] GENE: This other vet, he's like, "What I would do is take pentobarbital for large breeds.
" And I said, "Well, what I would do is take "pentobarbital for large breeds and small breeds, and I'm 140, so I double it.
" I'd probably hop a flight to Fiji.
I'd want to be on a beach.
But that's, that's just a hypothetical.
I haven't really thought about it, to be honest.
THERAPIST: Wow.
This has escalated.
What? How so? You just gave a very detailed description of your own suicide.
Oh, sorry.
Are you feeling suicidal? No No.
Have you given any further thought to trying antidepressants? Yeah, I'm, uh, still not feelin' it.
- You're not feelin' it? - No.
Are you still using marijuana? Mm-hmm.
- Daily? - Pretty much.
Nights, weekends.
Just to offer a professional observation, I've noticed, by and large, the people most resistant to antidepressants are those most prone to recreational drug use and addiction.
- Do you want me to go on medication? - Not if you don't.
Just offering an observation that might help you.
Hey, um Wh What do you think about micro-dosing psychedelics? You know, for for depression.
THE GUY: I mean, listen, man.
Every time I take mushrooms, I'm blissed out.
- Huh.
Okay.
- Almost every time.
But, yeah.
So, how much should I take? Uh, you know what? I don't know, 'cause I didn't make 'em.
So you're gonna want to just take a little bit.
So like a little nibble? Mm-mm, like a nibble of a nibble.
- Oh, wow.
- Micro.
Okay, right.
That's why it's called - Micro-dosing.
- Right.
[DOG BARKING] Does he know how to turn his head and cough? Just joking.
Oh, I think he likes it! Me, too, buddy.
Me, too.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An "irrelephant.
" - [BARKS] - He's doing great! He just wants to play a little more.
Thank you for a great day, everybody! Nice work! Okay.
[DOG BARKS] You get a treat, and you get a treat! Don't think I forgot about you, missy! Whoops.
- Should have given you a micro-dose.
- [CAT MEOWS] You know, your shell is part of your skeleton, but it's also your home, your safety zone.
Which leads me to Just curious, how are things at your home? Mmm! GENE [OVER-ENUNCIATING]: Neutered.
Neu tered.
Neu-tered.
Wow, I'm really good at this weird thing, aren't I? - I'm gonna be real with you, Kadisha.
- Mm-hmm.
Lucky's fucked.
But I'll tell you, with the Supreme Court and the world being the way it is, it seems like we're all fucked.
So maybe you're the lucky one.
I love your eyes.
Theresa, have I ever told you how much I appreciate you? Thank you.
[INHALES] [SIGHING]: So much love.
[LAUGHING]: Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
"Tolerance to mushrooms builds quickly.
" "Using mushrooms two days in a row may lead to a diminished experience.
" Huh.
[PSYCHEDELIC ROCK PLAYING] [HUMMING] [EXHALING] [PSYCHEDELIC ROCK PLAYING DISCORDANTLY] [HIGH-PITCHED WHINING] - [WHINING STOPS] - [MUSIC MUFFLES] [GROANING] - Gene? - Hmm? Cremation pick up is here.
Okay, thank you.
I'll be right there.
CORRINE: Okay.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm feeling a bit off.
I'm fine.
Okay.
[INHALES] [EXHALES SHARPLY] [INHALING] [WHEELS CREAKING] Whoa, that's a lot of bags.
Somebody had a busy week.
Yes, I, uh, took a lot of lives last week.
Hey, it keeps the lights on.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING] Yes, it does.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING GROWS LOUDER] Jesus.
[DOOR CLOSES] [LOUD WHINING CONTINUING] [INHALES, EXHALES] The violent cycle of breeeeed-ing.
[MARKER SQUEAKING, GROANING] [LOW HISSING] Oh, shit.
I gotta go.
[INHALES] [GRUNTING] Hey, I'm sorry.
I think I've got a migraine.
And diarrhea, so gross.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- What about your appointments? Oh, we can cancel or just call Jarny.
- Jarny? - Sorry.
Jenny.
Sorry.
Just call Jenny.
- Help, help.
- Please, help! CORINNE: What's going on? One at a time.
I was practicing for all-states and then I went to get food and And then her kitten fell into the tuba and she got stuck.
- We can't get her out.
- Can Can you get a vet? CORINNE: The vet's on his way out.
I mean, I don't know GENE: Hold on.
Hold on.
Let's go take a look.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much! Oh, my gosh! Thank you! [GENE INHALES] Oh, God.
Oh, I feel her.
She's still warm, that's good.
And so fucking soft.
Yep, she's stuck.
Stuck cat.
Staccato.
Okay, I'm gonna try something.
- On three.
You ready? - Yeah.
[EXHALES] [INHALES] [MOANS] Are you gonna start counting, or Oh, sorry.
One, two, three.
Aah! Stop! What are you doing? Stop it! Matches! - [TUBA CLANGING] - Stop it! Please stop! - Oh, my God! - Stop! Matches! Okay, that's the first step.
Have you seen the Damn! What are they called? Scissors? [GROANS] Forceps? In the drawer.
[CLATTERING] [BREATHING DEEPLY] Hey! Ah! I think I loosened Yeah.
[LAUGHING] Easy does it.
Hello kitty.
Okay.
- I did it! - Oh, my God! - What the fuck is wrong with you? - Oh, no! Please God! No! No! - [GIRL SOBBING] - CORRINE: Dr.
Sou! Dr.
Sou! She's still warm, God damn it! [SOBBING] GENE [CRYING]: What have I done? [CRYING]: I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
[SOBBING] - [GENE WAILING] - He has diarrhea.
What? [WHIMPERING]: I can't do it any What the hell? THERAPIST: How are you feeling today? You know, I feel fine.
I feel like it's working.
Have you had any further thoughts of suicide? Well, sure No, I'm [LAUGHS] Uh, no.
- Well, that's good! - Yeah, it's good.
Um, I feel silly for being so resistant to the medication.
And how's your work going? Much better.
I've I've been thinking about getting a dog.
- Wow, I think that's great.
- It is.
No, yeah.
It's good.
There are some side effects I'm not so psyched about.
[MEDITATIVE FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING] You want me to keep going? No, it's fine.
You can stop.
Cheer up, baby.
[WOMAN SINGING LIVELY SONG IN FRENCH] [POP MUSIC PLAYS] MAN: I'm digging the sexy pilgrim.
This is a reverse Mayflower situation.
- I'm being persecuted on a boat.
- [CHUCKLING] Who are you That's not your business what anybody thinks of you, you know? I just don't think anyone's judging you.
I really don't.
Yeah, but it's impossible to know.
[SPEAKING SPANISH] [SPEAKING SPANISH] - [CAR HONKS] - [SPEAKING SPANISH] Coffee regular.
Welcome to New York.
[MUSIC CONCLUDES]