Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020) s01e10 Episode Script
Chapter Ten: To the Pain!
1
[GROANS]
[LAUGHTER]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS]
♪
Sorry, Father.
I tried.
I tried.
You must be that little Spanish brat
I taught a lesson to
all those years ago.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
Hmm. Simply incredible.
Have you been chasing
me your whole life?
- Only to fail now?
- [INIGO GROANS]
Why I think that's the
worst thing I've ever heard.
How marvelous.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
There's a shortage of
perfect breasts in the world.
It'd be a pity to damage yours.
Oh, Westley, darling!
- [GROANS]
- [CLANGS]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
COUNT RUGEN: Good heavens.
Are you still trying to win?
[RUGEN CLICKS TONGUE]
You have an overdeveloped
sense of vengeance.
[GROANS]
It's going to get you
in trouble someday.
♪
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[CLATTERING]
[GROANS]
Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Hello!
My name is Inigo Montoya!
You killed my father.
Prepare to die!
[GROANING]
Stop saying that!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
- [BOTH GRUNTING]
- [GROANS]
[SHOUTING]: Hello!
My name is Inigo Montoya!
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
No!
[GASPS]
Offer me money.
- Yes.
- And power, too.
[GROANS]
All that I have and more, please.
Offer me everything I ask for.
Anything you want.
[COUNT RUGEN GROANS]
I want my father back,
you son of a bitch.
[GROANS]
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS, ENDS]
[SIGHS]
♪
BUTTERCUP: Will you ever forgive me?
What hideous sin have
you committed lately?
I got married.
I didn't want to. It
all happened so fast.
It never happened.
- This old man said "man and wife."
- Did you say "I do"?
I guess we sort of skipped that part.
Then you're not married.
If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.
Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?
A technicality that
will shortly be remedied.
But first things first
- [METAL RATTLING]
- to the death!
No! To the pain.
I don't think I'm quite
familiar with that phrase.
I'll explain.
And I'll use small words so that
you'll be sure to understand,
you warthog-faced buffoon.
That may be the first time in my life
a man has dared insult me.
"To the pain" means the
first thing you'll lose
will be your feet below the ankles.
Then your hands at the wrists,
next, your nose.
And then my tongue, I suppose.
I wasn't finished. The
next thing you'll lose
will be your left eye
followed by your right.
And then, my ears. I understand.
- Let's get on with it!
- Wrong.
Your ears you keep
and I'll tell you why.
So that every child that
sees your hideousness
will be yours to cherish.
Every babe that weeps at your approach,
every woman who cries out,
"Dear God! What is that thing?"
will echo in your perfect ears.
That is what
That is what "to the pain" means.
It means I leave you in anguish.
Wallowing in freakish misery forever.
I think you're bluffing.
It's possible, pig.
I might be bluffing, it's conceivable,
you miserable, vomitous mass.
That I'm only lying here because
I lack the strength to stand.
Then again
perhaps, I have the strength after all.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Drop your sword.
[BROOM CLATTERS]
Have a seat.
♪
Tie him up. Make it
as tight as you like.
Where's Fezzik?
- I thought he was with you.
- No.
Oh, well, in that case [GROANS]
- Help him.
- Why does Westley need helping?
Because he has no strength.
I knew it! I knew he was
bluffing. I knew he was
Shall I dispatch him for you?
Thank you, but no.
Whatever happens to us,
I want him to live a long
life alone with his cowardice.
FEZZIK: Inigo, where are you?
Ah! There you are.
I saw the prince's stables,
and there they were.
Four white horses.
And I thought, "There are four of us
if we ever find the lady."
Hello, lady!
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[GROANS]
INIGO: It's very strange.
I've been in the
revenge business so long.
Now that it's over, I
I don't know what to do
with the rest of my life.
Have you ever considered piracy?
You'd make a wonderful
Dread Pirate Roberts.
♪
GRANDFATHER: "They rode to freedom.
And as dawn arose,
Westley and Buttercup
knew they were safe.
A wave of love swept over them,
and as they reached for each other "
GRANDSON: What? What?
[CHUCKLING] Oh, no, it's
No, it's kissing again.
You don't want to hear it.
It's okay, I don't mind.
Okay.
"Since the invention of the kiss,
there have been five
kisses that were rated
the most passionate, the most pure.
[CHUCKLES] This one
left them all behind."
Now, I think you oughta go to sleep.
Okay.
[CHUCKLING] Okay, okay.
All right. So long.
Grandpa?
Can you come over
tomorrow and read it again?
As you wish.
[GROANS]
[LAUGHTER]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANS]
♪
Sorry, Father.
I tried.
I tried.
You must be that little Spanish brat
I taught a lesson to
all those years ago.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
Hmm. Simply incredible.
Have you been chasing
me your whole life?
- Only to fail now?
- [INIGO GROANS]
Why I think that's the
worst thing I've ever heard.
How marvelous.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
There's a shortage of
perfect breasts in the world.
It'd be a pity to damage yours.
Oh, Westley, darling!
- [GROANS]
- [CLANGS]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
COUNT RUGEN: Good heavens.
Are you still trying to win?
[RUGEN CLICKS TONGUE]
You have an overdeveloped
sense of vengeance.
[GROANS]
It's going to get you
in trouble someday.
♪
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[CLATTERING]
[GROANS]
Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Hello!
My name is Inigo Montoya!
You killed my father.
Prepare to die!
[GROANING]
Stop saying that!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
- [BOTH GRUNTING]
- [GROANS]
[SHOUTING]: Hello!
My name is Inigo Montoya!
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
No!
[GASPS]
Offer me money.
- Yes.
- And power, too.
[GROANS]
All that I have and more, please.
Offer me everything I ask for.
Anything you want.
[COUNT RUGEN GROANS]
I want my father back,
you son of a bitch.
[GROANS]
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS, ENDS]
[SIGHS]
♪
BUTTERCUP: Will you ever forgive me?
What hideous sin have
you committed lately?
I got married.
I didn't want to. It
all happened so fast.
It never happened.
- This old man said "man and wife."
- Did you say "I do"?
I guess we sort of skipped that part.
Then you're not married.
If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.
Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?
A technicality that
will shortly be remedied.
But first things first
- [METAL RATTLING]
- to the death!
No! To the pain.
I don't think I'm quite
familiar with that phrase.
I'll explain.
And I'll use small words so that
you'll be sure to understand,
you warthog-faced buffoon.
That may be the first time in my life
a man has dared insult me.
"To the pain" means the
first thing you'll lose
will be your feet below the ankles.
Then your hands at the wrists,
next, your nose.
And then my tongue, I suppose.
I wasn't finished. The
next thing you'll lose
will be your left eye
followed by your right.
And then, my ears. I understand.
- Let's get on with it!
- Wrong.
Your ears you keep
and I'll tell you why.
So that every child that
sees your hideousness
will be yours to cherish.
Every babe that weeps at your approach,
every woman who cries out,
"Dear God! What is that thing?"
will echo in your perfect ears.
That is what
That is what "to the pain" means.
It means I leave you in anguish.
Wallowing in freakish misery forever.
I think you're bluffing.
It's possible, pig.
I might be bluffing, it's conceivable,
you miserable, vomitous mass.
That I'm only lying here because
I lack the strength to stand.
Then again
perhaps, I have the strength after all.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
Drop your sword.
[BROOM CLATTERS]
Have a seat.
♪
Tie him up. Make it
as tight as you like.
Where's Fezzik?
- I thought he was with you.
- No.
Oh, well, in that case [GROANS]
- Help him.
- Why does Westley need helping?
Because he has no strength.
I knew it! I knew he was
bluffing. I knew he was
Shall I dispatch him for you?
Thank you, but no.
Whatever happens to us,
I want him to live a long
life alone with his cowardice.
FEZZIK: Inigo, where are you?
Ah! There you are.
I saw the prince's stables,
and there they were.
Four white horses.
And I thought, "There are four of us
if we ever find the lady."
Hello, lady!
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[GROANS]
INIGO: It's very strange.
I've been in the
revenge business so long.
Now that it's over, I
I don't know what to do
with the rest of my life.
Have you ever considered piracy?
You'd make a wonderful
Dread Pirate Roberts.
♪
GRANDFATHER: "They rode to freedom.
And as dawn arose,
Westley and Buttercup
knew they were safe.
A wave of love swept over them,
and as they reached for each other "
GRANDSON: What? What?
[CHUCKLING] Oh, no, it's
No, it's kissing again.
You don't want to hear it.
It's okay, I don't mind.
Okay.
"Since the invention of the kiss,
there have been five
kisses that were rated
the most passionate, the most pure.
[CHUCKLES] This one
left them all behind."
Now, I think you oughta go to sleep.
Okay.
[CHUCKLING] Okay, okay.
All right. So long.
Grandpa?
Can you come over
tomorrow and read it again?
As you wish.