Hot Streets (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

Creamy Zeus

2x01 - Creamy Zeus Branski: The new boss starts today.
Heard he gets down to brass tacks.
I still can't believe they fired Soo Park.
- The end of an era.
- Suck it up.
In this line of work, you check your feelings at the door.
No matter what happens, never forget what Hot Streets is really about.
It's about solving cases.
Is that all you can say? Isn't Soo your friend? At least I'm your friend r-right? Let's go.
Time to meet the new Soo Park.
Am I your friend? My name is John Wayne Jetwayne Jr.
, but please call me Jet Jr.
I'm your new boss.
I'm a tiny airplane, I'm 700 years old, and I can turn people into crystals.
Now, let's get down to brass tacks.
We received reports that Creamy Zeus the Pirate is planning to plunder America.
Your mission take him out.
The pirate with supernatural cream powers? - I heard he's tough.
- Not tough enough for the two of us! Anyway, no one has ever survived a fight with Creamy Zeus.
Tomorrow we commence the mission, Jet Jr.
[Seagulls crying] [Music] Now, this is the life.
Is there anything better than two best buds hunting pirates together? You know, I'm sick of your arrogance lately! First you diss Soo, now you're too cool for me, too? I'm feeling exceptionally horny today.
[Bleep] my dong.
I only licked your [bleep] when I couldn't afford that churro! [Bleep] my dong.
Two dongs? All: [Bleep] my dong! - Lick his [bleep].
- Do it.
What in the heck is happening?! And that's what happens if you set the clones to maximum horny.
Clones controlled by long-distance radio waves.
Sending clones instead of real-life agents is a great way to cut down on casualties.
I'd never send my best agents on a suicide mission like this.
That's the Jet Jr.
We have 50 cloned Branskis, 30 cloned Jens, 19 cloned Chubbies, - and one useless cloned French, just for fun.
- Can I grease your wings? I'm flattered because you have a nice body, but inner-office romances are discouraged at my Hot Streets.
Imagine how crazy it would be if there was a mix-up and one of us got on that boat.
That would never happen in my Hot Streets.
This is a clone! Mix-up! - Real French on boat! - What happens if we try "Sad" instead? [Boom!] Why won't you let me grease you? Please! [All crying] So, Hot Streets sent me the guy with a bunch of disposable clones, huh? Some "friends" I have.
Why are you guys crying? I'm the one who's real.
Don't touch that, Sanders.
It's not a toy.
[Boom!] They look so realistic! Yes, they're state-of-the-art clones.
- Only dogs can sense the difference.
- Not Not real! - Real! Real! - Quiet, Chubbie! No one likes an attention whore.
Hey! Hey, look at me! Hey, look at me! Hey, look at me! [Yelling] [Choking] Chubbie Webbers just ate my gun.
Now back to the video feed.
Attention, clone-maties.
I have a plan.
Uh, what do you say we abandon this case - and sail back to America? - No chance.
Hot Streets is about solving cases.
You guys really are Branski.
All: Hot Streets is about solving cases.
Hot Streets is about solving cases.
Wait! Maybe Hot Streets is actually about friendship.
Have you ever thought about that? Wrong.
Now cook us some food.
Yeah, cook us some [bleep] food.
Cook us some [bleep] food, you [bleep] asshole! Cook us some [bleep] food.
[All talking over each other] Okay, okay! Where's the cilantro? - Creamy Zeus! - Ah! Please, Branskis.
Turn the ship around.
I'm too real to die.
Stop hitting Creamy Zeus with cannonballs.
You're going to grab his attention! Splish splash.
I'm Creamy Zeus the Pirate.
My cream will give you scream dreams.
Now, hold on here.
This is just a misunderstanding.
- It's simple.
- I'm listening.
You see, my new boss is a tiny airplane - and he sent a ship full of clones out here - Hm.
- to kill you.
- Yeah, I see.
But I'm not a clone.
I'm real.
- Mm-hmm.
- Now this is the tricky part.
- I also want to kill you.
- Fascinating.
You know what? I don't like this Creamy Zeus.
It's settled then.
You'll let me plunder America, and I'll let you live.
And I won't kill you, even though I want to! That's fair.
[Boom!] [All grunting] [Screams] Ahh! [Gasps] [All grunting, yelling] Betrayal.
Ah! Ah! My hero! Look out! He can trickle! Ah! Yah! Ah! Ouch.
My heart.
I'll be back for creamy revenge.
We did it.
[Grunting] [Electricity buzzing] [Screaming] Oh, my God! French is dead! I can't believe he's gone.
I'll miss you, buddy.
Not dead! Not dead! Fake! Must save! I can't understand a word this Chubbie Webber says.
I like him.
You're different than the others, somehow a little out-of-tune.
I think I'll call you No-Nose.
Holy shit! [All yelling] That barrel must be controlling the clones.
I have to just Uh! [Groans] Huh? [Monkeys screeching] [All grunting] This control module must be stuck on "Kill" mode.
I might be able to modify it to make them friendlier? [All growling] There.
[Boom!] How can we help you, best friend French? Maybe a coconut? Some sand? Or how 'bout some delicious monkey meats? Looks like the "Friend" mode is working, and I'll take the monkey meats.
You want us to rebuild the ship so you can go back to your friends? "Friends"? I don't have any friends.
We're your friends.
We'll do anything for you.
Anything? I found him! Help me, dirty dogs! Find [Choking] French now.
[Whimpering] [Grunting] Oh, it must be horrible for him! I'm in heaven me and my friends and my Hot Streets.
What's the mission, Soo Park? Someone had been having consensual sex with the island apes.
I need you to find out who.
I'm on the case.
- I think it's Soo Park.
- It is me.
- Should I arrest myself? - Yes.
We make a great team.
You clones did such a great job building Hot Streets City.
- French! - Hey, French! Branski: Uh, hey, French.
As your friend, should we be worried about Creamy Zeus? He might still be out there.
Nobody can find us, No-Nose.
We're undetectable, thanks to our friends, Chubbies Weberses.
[All grunting, whimpering] All: Goodnight, French! Goodnight, Hot Streets.
[Monkey screeching, man groaning] Where, oh where could he be? [Grunting, whimpering] The worst part I never got to tell French how much he meant to me as a friend.
Sometimes I have a tough time expressing myself.
You always check your feelings at the door like a proper agent.
Now, time to find you a new partner.
- Let's take it to the wheel.
- [Sighs] If I must.
I hope I get Tall Otis.
Tall Otis would be the ideal partner for you in every way, but the wheel makes the call.
[Gasps] - Oh.
- Oh.
The song of the wheel can be a mournful tune, but we must face the music.
You know, today would have been French's birthday.
Happy Birthday to me.
- Today's your birthday, too? - No.
All: Happy Birthday, French! [Gasps] For me? We all got together and baked a cake out of sand and dead apes.
Also, my shit.
Wait a minute if the Chubbies are here, that means They say blood is thicker than cream, and they're right.
Protect me, No-Nose! From what? You set us to "Friend" mode, and now we're friends with Creamy Zeus.
Let's face it, we were never true friends with you.
Ahh! [Sputtering] Real-life Branski would find this scenario pathetic, but still, happy birthday! [Gasps] Ahhh! Your friends at Hot Streets abandoned you.
Your programmed friends couldn't care enough to save you.
Now you will die alone.
Prepare yourself for infinite cream.
[Music] What's that dumb-looking mutt doing here? [Coughing] He's just seasick, that one.
No threat at all.
[Laughing] Yeah! Chub Well, well, well, if it isn't Chubbie Webbers.
I was prepared for something like this.
All: Chubbie's such a good baby boy! Don't you want a belly rub? Not real! [Screams] Ah! [Gunshots] [Garbled screaming] And stay dead! [Coughing] The real Chubbie Webbers? [Talking indistinctly] - True friends.
- You mean it, Chubbie? Thank God.
They're okay.
Jet Jr.
is up to something.
Somehow, I have to expose him and save Hot Streets.