Hotel Babylon (2006) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode 6

CHARLIE: Something strange happens when you spend the night in a hotel.
It's as though normal rules of behaviour no longer apply.
Obviously, alcohol plays a big part.
When the alcohol's been drunk and the sun's gone down, you behave in ways you wouldn't have dreamed of a few hours earlier.
Some guests think nothing of asking hotel staff for sex, and some staff are only too happy to oblige.
Others are not.
Later, when you're all tucked up in bed, the atmosphere changes.
Hotels can be lonely places.
And in the bowels of the hotel, places you'll never see, it can get really creepy.
(MICE SQUEAKING) (THUDDING) You should be scared.
Statistically, the most common time to die is 4:30 am.
(GASPS) Thankfully, as the sun rises, a degree of normality returns.
Leaving us to clear up the mess from the night before.
-Is he dead? -Call an ambulance.
Phone Rebecca.
Go! -Oh, God.
-We haven't got time for this.
-Rebecca, we'll miss the plane.
-If we leave by 7:00, we'll be fine.
If you go in there, you'll get caught up in whatever's going on and we'll never get out of here.
We need this holiday.
Yeah, and we're going to get it.
Baby, I am taking you to Venice, and I'm gonna give you the time of your life.
Then let's go.
Let Charlie sort it out.
I'm not doing this again.
I'm getting that plane.
-Mark -No, I'm sorry.
You decide what you want.
Get the cases and come and wait inside.
We'll be gone by 7:00, I promise.
You just think about what I'm gonna do to you when we get to Venice.
-Can't I leave you in charge for one night? -I'm sorry.
Don't just stand there.
Take me to him.
-Have you called the police? -I thought it'd be better to wait for you.
So, do you want to tell me what happened? While I'm in Venice, I'm relying on you to support Charlie.
Don't worry.
I'll keep an eye on him.
I'm not asking you to keep an eye on him.
I'm asking you to support him.
I'll keep a supportive eye on him.
When do you leave? -12 hours, 15 minutes and 11 seconds.
-Not looking forward to it, then? Oh, I can't wait.
Feels like forever since we had a holiday.
I need to get changed.
I hate it when you work nights.
-Oh, Charlie.
I need to see you before I go.
Mate, got a great story for you later.
That was too close.
You know, it doesn't actually have to be like this.
Have you thought maybe it's time we thought about going public? Well, we work together, don't we? What's everyone gonna say? -They'll say, "Congratulations.
I'm happy for you.
" -I can hardly imagine Rebecca saying that.
What? You think Rebecca's gonna sack you for having a relationship? I'm the Deputy Manager.
I've got to set an example.
Well, I'm kind of fed up sneaking around, shagging in hotel rooms.
I quite like sneaking around, shagging in hotel rooms.
You need to get changed.
-Very nice.
Your famous Duke of Wellington used them in a duel with Lord Winchelsea.
-Really? Who won? -Oh, nobody won.
They deliberately missed each other, but honour was satisfied.
I purchased them this afternoon at Sotheby's.
Well, it will be a pleasure to look after them for you, sir.
Thank you, Miss Mitchell.
Much appreciated.
(WOMEN CHATTERING) It's a well-known fact that working the nightshift disrupts your menstrual cycle.
Never affected mine.
And research also suggests that it decreases your lifespan by 20%.
Ready? Sorry.
It's okay.
It's nothing you haven't seen before.
-Jagdeep, you on security tonight? -Worst bloody luck.
Why do I get the nightshift? I've been in this country 10 years.
Make the bloody Poles work the nights.
Does that man ever stop eating biscuits? -Who wants to hear a really good story? -Go on then.
Remember the cleaner from The Burlington who went missing? What cleaner? Well, why would I know anything about a cleaner? Okay, a few weeks ago, there's this cleaner.
Does the nightshift, disappears.
Leaves his wallet, all his personal items in his locker.
His family never hear from him again.
He's vanished into thin air, until now.
They found him this morning in a cupboard in a disused storeroom.
Why was he in a cupboard? Because somebody had slit his throat and stuffed him in there.
Oh, God.
Do you want to hear the bad bit? What? Because having your throat slit and being stuffed into a cupboard isn't the bad bit? He's been disembowelled.
(ALL GROANING) Now, imagine somebody doing that to you.
The police are still searching the hotel, looking for his intestines.
ANNA: Yuck.
BEN: Disgusting.
At last, a decent bolognese, eh? Bloody good.
(GROANS) -I feel sick.
-BEN: Yuck.
Thanks, Tony.
That's wonderful.
Seeing as how we're now going on the nightshift.
Come on.
Have fun, children.
Hello, gorgeous.
Charlie? -Good evening, sir.
-Good evening.
I'd like a room for tonight.
-Would you like to see our rates? -No.
Just give me the best room you have available.
And can you have a bottle of champagne sent up? Certainly, Mr Lawrence.
Sheikh Abdullah is on the early morning flight to Dubai, so he'll collect these pistols from you before he leaves.
-No problem.
I've got to go.
I promised Mark I'd be home by 7:00.
Haven't even packed yet.
-Monitor the reservations for VIPs.
-Of course.
-And don't forget the stock check on Monday.
-I won't.
And make sure security keep an eye on the honesty bars.
Guests are stealing alcohol faster than we can restock it.
I'll tellJagdeep.
You have my mobile number and the number of the place where we're staying, -so call me if there are any problems.
-I will.
-Or if there's anything you're unsure of.
You're in charge.
The staff will look to you to set the tone.
I know.
-Look after my hotel, Charlie.
-Don't worry.
I will.
Rebecca, have a nice time.
(WHISPERING) Just listen to me.
-Just listen -Who are they? -Mr and Mrs Johnson.
Isn't marriage a beautiful thing? -You'll do as I say.
-I want to go home.
You're not going anywhere.
Do you understand? -Take your hands off me.
-Stop it.
Stop it.
Good evening.
Charlie Edwards, I'm the Deputy Manager.
-I trust you have everything you need? Yes.
Thank you.
Well, enjoy the rest of your stay.
Mrs Johnson.
Oh! If a man treated me like that, I'd crack his skull.
Keep an eye on them.
I don't want any domestics in the lobby.
CallJagdeep and get him to do a sweep of the honesty bars.
(PHONE RINGING) Jagdeep? (BANGING) Jag? Jag? Jagdeep, it's Charlie.
Where are you? Give me a call when you get this message.
Well, I can't find him anywhere.
No one's seen him since he clocked in.
Well, there was a cup of tea and a half-eaten biscuit on his desk.
Looks like he just got up and walked out.
Do you want me to rustle up one of the other security guards to cover his shift? No, it's okay.
I'll deal with it.
Sir, the 1999 Château Le Pin Pomerol.
I have waited over five years to open this wine.
How is it? It's bloody spectacular.
(CHUCKLING) Sir, you are a lucky man.
None of the other security guards can cover Jagdeep's shift, so it looks like we're on our own.
They're finding dead bodies in the hotel up the road and our security guard's vanished.
This is not how I want to spend my nights.
-You're hilarious.
-Thank you.
-Go and check the honesty bars.
-Why do I have to do it? Do you see this badge here? It says "Deputy Manager".
-What is? How sexually inadequate males abuse their positions of authority.
You know, Hitler only had one testicle.
He probably lost the other one after spending the night with her.
-Cheers, pal.
-MAN: Waiter, can we have another one, please? (MEN LAUGHING) I think maybe they giving you problems later.
If you were seeing someone at work, would you keep quiet about it? Is she a pig? Because if she a pig, you don't want anyone to know that you -No, she's not a pig.
-You lucky son of a bitch.
-What? -You and Little Miss Snooty Boobs, eh? -No, I'm not shagging Anna.
-Who's shagging Anna? -No one's shagging Anna.
Well, some poor sod somewhere, but certainly not me.
I wouldn't shag Anna if -But you did shag her.
A long time ago, yeah.
-You doing it in the hotel? -You're shagging Anna here in the hotel? -I'm not doing Anna anywhere.
-You dirty dog.
(SNICKERING) Serve some customers.
(THUDDING) (MAN GRUNTING) (WOMAN GASPING) (GLASS SHATTERING) (MAN GRUNTING) WOMAN: No, please! (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) What's up with you? I think I just heard MrJohnson attacking his wife.
I was walking past their room when I heard Mrs Johnson calling for help.
Please, no.
(GASPING) (GLASS SHATTERING) It sounded like he was strangling her.
You don't know that's what it was.
It could be anything.
-Like what? -I don't know, like (GLASS SHATTERING) (BOTH GRUNTING) She was begging for her life.
Anna, you probably heard something on the telly.
MrJohnson came out of his room like he was worried someone had overheard him.
His shirt was torn.
He was out of breath.
(SNIFFS) Have you been drinking? -Have you? -No.
Well, neither have I.
I'm serious.
I think MrJohnson may have just murdered his wife.
Just as long as he pays the bill.
We have to do something about it.
There could be a dead body upstairs.
(SIGHS) -What room are they in? -904.
Well, I'll check it out later.
(PEOPLE LAUGHING) Just wait until this lot go to bed.
(GRUNTING) (MEN SNICKERING) Sir, I believe the bar is closing.
It's gonna be a waste of time.
Good evening, sir.
Can I help you? My name is Irwin and I've forgotten my room number.
Not a problem, sir.
I'lljust check the computer for you.
-Well, you don't seem to be checked in, sir.
-What? -You don't seem to be checked in.
-You calling me a liar? No, sir.
Is the room booked under your name? The room is booked under my name.
Irwin, sire.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr Irwin, but you don't seem to have a room here.
Well, why would I be here if I didn't have a room? I always stay at the Dorchester.
Well, in that case, you should go to the Dorchester.
Maybe they know which room you're in.
-So, this isn't the Dorchester? -No, sir.
The Dorchester's up the road.
Because this place is a shithole.
Thank you, sir.
Have a pleasant evening.
(WATER RUNNING) -Well? -It sounded like someone taking a shower to me.
What, is that it? There was definitely nothing happening.
-They look a little bit red in the face, huh? -Gino.
-What's up with him? -Nothing.
Right, that's me for the night.
Any sign ofJagdeep? No.
-Do you want me to hang around? -No, no.
It's fine.
You get off.
You do know Rebecca asked me to keep an eye on things? -Keep an eye on me? -No.
She thinks this place is gonna fall to pieces if she's away from it for more than 24 hours.
Well, it's not.
I've got everything under control.
You can go.
You're the boss.
What's wrong with her? She thinks one of the guests has murdered his wife.
Oh, nice.
Maybe I should get him to do mine.
-I'm serious.
-So am I.
Night, all.
(PHONE RINGS) Reception.
Yes, sir.
We are a five star hotel, but that particular service we don't provide.
Good night.
Dirty man.
-Are you thinking what I'm thinking? -Somehow I doubt it.
What if Mrs Johnson's inside those suitcases? Oh, well, then I'd say she's an incredibly supple lady.
So where's he going at midnight with two suitcases? I've no idea.
-What are you doing? -I'm calling the Johnsons' room.
-Mrs Johnson might be asleep.
-We'll soon find out, won't we? (PHONE RINGING) -There's no answer.
-She could have gone out.
When? We would have seen her leaving.
She's not in those suitcases.
She could be anywhere in the hotel.
Right, I'm going to look for her, and then when I don't find her, you can start believing me.
Hello? Mrs Johnson? (GASPS) -There's blood in his bath.
-What? -MrJohnson has blood in his bath.
-You've been in his room? I looked everywhere.
Mrs Johnson is not in this hotel, so, yes, I went into their room.
You know that you don't go into a guest's room without permission unless it is an emergency.
-And murder isn't an emergency? -Oh, come on.
So where's Mrs Johnson, then? I don't know.
Maybe we've missed her.
Maybe she's gone out.
If she went out, why is her handbag, her purse, her phone, her wedding ring still in her room? Only men take off their wedding rings.
Mrs Johnson isn't even her real name.
Her passport says her real name is Emma Miller.
Well, lots of people don't use their real names when they check into hotels.
When they're up to something dodgy.
-Oh, like having an affair? -Or murdering their wife.
You can't go accusing a guest of murder without any evidence.
So what are we gonna do? Just wait until Mrs Johnson's decapitated body turns up? Hmm, that's generally the idea.
-I think you should call Rebecca.
We're not calling Rebecca.
You're just afraid to phone her because it's going to look like you can't cope on your own.
Close the door on the way out.
ANNA: He's probably thrown the suitcases in the river.
I heard about a guy who killed his wife in a hotel in New York.
He hollow out the mattress, then stuff her inside.
Guests sleep on her for days till she stink up the room.
Can we lay off the horror stories, please? How would you go about cutting up a human body? You do it in the bath.
You strip naked, turn on the shower to wash away the blood, then go to work with a hacksaw.
-You said the shower was running.
-Then he must be a murderer.
If you chop a body into small enough pieces, you can flush it down the toilet.
I guessing.
(WHISPERING) It's him.
Oh, my God.
He's coming.
Don't you dare say a word.
(WHISTLING) Good evening, MrJohnson.
Good evening.
Will you be requiring any room service? Something to eat, perhaps? No, I've already eaten.
Thank you.
And Mrs Johnson? What about her? Will your wife be wanting anything from room service? Oh, no.
(JABBING LIFT BUTTON) No, she had an early night.
Thank you.
So, Mrs Johnson has had an early night, has she? You see his face when you mention his wife? The only thing left of Mrs Johnson in that room is a streak of blood in the bath.
He look like a murderer.
You can see it in his eyes.
-Well, I'm off.
-What? You're leaving? I go for a drink with Meryl.
-The new waitress, Meryl.
There is a murderer upstairs, and all you can think about is Meryl with her massive tits? I'm sure your boyfriend can protect you, eh? -Ciao.
Boyfriend? So, what, does he think we're shagging? He's half-Spanish, half-Italian.
He thinks everyone's shagging.
He thinks the siesta was designed for a midday bunk-up.
-What have you been saying to him? -Nothing.
I thought you were concerned about MrJohnson.
So, are we going to call the police? -No, we're not gonna call the police.
We need to get another look inside his room.
Well, you said that we can't accuse a guest without evidence, -so let's get some evidence.
-All right.
(WATER RUNNING) (PHONE RINGING) Hello? -MrJohnson? -Yes? -Charlie Edwards, Deputy Manager.
-Do you know what time it is? I know it's late.
I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm afraid your car alarm's going off.
What do you want me to do about it? Well, if you wouldn't mind coming down to Reception, I can escort you to the car park.
He's leaving.
If you get caught, don't worry about MrJohnson, because I'm gonna kill you.
He's on his way down.
Go on.
Anna, he's not here.
CHARLIE: Anna, you need to get out of there.
Anna! (DOOR BEEPS) Anna, are you out of the room? Shh! (URINATING) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) (ZIPPING) -Sir.
I thought that maybe you'd got lost.
-I forgot my car keys.
-You think someone tried to break into my car? -We're not sure.
The alarm is going off.
If you (GASPS) (DOOR CLOSES) (CAR ALARM BLARING) It doesn't look like it's been broken into.
-Anything missing? -No, I don't think so.
Perhaps someone bumped into it.
-Sorry to put you to so much trouble.
-No problem.
Good night.
You are not gonna believe this.
He has got rope, masking tape, and those, you know, creepy surgical gloves.
There was a message written on the bathroom mirror.
It said, "Help me.
" I mean, what if MrJohnson did Jagdeep? What if he's the guy who got the cleaner at The Burlington? He's a psycho! The suitcases we saw MrJohnson leave with earlier have not been thrown into the river.
They're in the boot of his car.
-Mrs Johnson could still be inside them.
-He was simply moving his luggage to the car.
I can't believe I bought into any of this.
What about the message on the mirror? Help me.
-Probably written by a maid.
-The rope? The masking tape? The gloves? I've found weirder stuff than that in hotel rooms.
Now, listen, this is all in your head and you've got to stop it now.
No more talk about Mr or Mrs Johnson.
Okay? -Where are you going? -I'm going to go make a coffee and a sandwich.
I'll have ham and cheese.
Go easy on the butter.
(DOOR CREAKING) (MAN GRUNTING FAINTLY) Hello? Help me He must have been there all night.
They reckon it's a heart attack.
Well, I'm not surprised with the amount of biscuits he put away.
-Did you take that from the kitchen? -I thought I might need it for self-defence.
(PHONE RINGS) Reception.
And there's no answer from Room Service? Do you think that maybe you could come down and get it? Mmm-hmm.
No, sorry.
Right away, sir.
-Sheikh Abdullah wants a bottle of whisky.
-Well, you better go and take it up to him.
I'm gonna go and callJagdeep's family.
Let them know what's happened.
Can't sleep.
Is there any chance I could get a drink? Thank you.
-Most of the guests are asleep.
-Lucky them.
Feel like I haven't slept in weeks.
-You heard of the futures market? -Something to do with stocks and shares? Call it right, you make a packet.
A few weeks ago, I called it wrong.
Thought I could cover the loss, so I hushed it up.
If you keep calling it wrong, you have to gamble larger and larger amounts of money because the losses you're trying to cover just keep getting bigger.
So, you keep going, hoping one of the gambles comes off.
Has to, right? So you keep going, and you keep going, and you keep going, until there's no money left.
How much money are we talking? Hundreds of millions of pounds.
So, what's gonna happen? Tokyo opened a couple of hours ago.
My employers will be discovering they're broke.
They'll trace me.
Police will come to the hotel first thing in the morning, they'll arrest me and I'll go to prison.
Isn't there something you can do? (SIRENS WAILING) Can I offer you another drink? How's my credit? Your credit's fine, Mr Lawrence.
-Good evening.
-Good evening.
Come in.
That is most kind of you.
Thank you very much.
My pleasure.
(MURMURING) (DOOR CLOSES) Could you post this for me? It's to my wife.
I didn't want her to have to go through all of this.
Of course.
Try and get some sleep.
(INHALES SHARPLY) (SCREAMS) I've been looking all over the hotel for you.
I found this on my coffee table.
Isn't mine.
Thank you.
-One of the maids must have dropped it.
-Strange I didn't see it earlier.
Looks like someone's been in my room while I was out.
Come up to my room.
I'll show you.
No, I really have to get back to the reception desk.
Won't take a moment.
After you.
It looked like someone's been through one of my bags.
-Was there anything missing? -I'm not sure.
We'll look together.
(GASPING) -Who are you? -You're having a dream.
Oh, bugger.
(DOOR OPENS) Where have you been? You stupid bastard! I took Sheikh Abdullah his whisky.
And I was in the lift, and MrJohnson, he found my keycard.
And he wanted me to go to his room and then he chased me! It's always the pretty girls who get killed, you stupid, selfish bastard! Shh.
You're okay now.
You're safe.
I found your shoe.
(MAN COLLAPSES) Drink that.
It'll make you feel a bit better.
Would you have a relationship with someone you were working with? Who are we talking about? No one.
Just You know, Do you think it'd put you in an awkward position? Oh.
It depends why you're sleeping with them.
If you're sleeping with someone to get ahead, then you keep it quiet, because no one likes a slutty bitch who's prepared to put out for a promotion.
If you're sleeping with them because you like them Well, then it doesn't matter if you work with them or not.
In some ways, it's more difficult to have a relationship with someone who doesn't work in the hotel industry because of the ridiculous hours we work.
You're tired, they're awake.
And then you're awake when they're tired.
Trying to get a man to have sex when he's tired is like trying to milk a bear.
Just isn't worth it.
If you like someone, you like them.
You can't fight chemistry.
-Unless they're poor, then you just have to.
So, are you going to call Rebecca? -What for? -To deal with MrJohnson.
He found my keycard.
He knows we're onto him.
Where are you going? What are you doing? I'm gonna ask MrJohnson what happened to his wife.
-You can't do that.
-Why not? Well, because Isn't it a bit rude? MrJohnson? We should have a look around.
What the -So now do you believe me? -Who is she? He killed his wife, and she was gonna be next.
That could have been me.
(WOMAN MOANING) Miss? Miss, can you hear me? I think she's pissed.
We're gonna have to get her out of here before MrJohnson gets back.
Let's go.
(DOOR CLOSES) -Is he dead? -Call an ambulance.
Phone Rebecca.
Go! Oh, God.
-Who's this woman he had in his wardrobe? -We're not sure.
She's sleeping it off in the next room.
She doesn't seem to be hurt.
Thank you.
MrJohnson, I'm Rebecca Mitchell, the General Manager.
We haven't called the police yet.
I thought I'd give you a chance to explain why you had a woman bound and gagged in your wardrobe.
My staff are also concerned with the whereabouts of your wife.
You killed her, didn't you? You chopped her up and you carried her out in those suitcases.
Richard? -Richard, what happened? Are you okay? -We got caught.
We thought you were dead.
But seeing as you're not, perhaps you could tell us what's going on? All right, Mark? I thought you'd be on your way to Venice by now.
Tell Rebecca that.
We'll probably end up booking into a room here.
That's the trouble with working in a place like this.
You're so busy making sure that other people have everything they need, you forget about what you need.
Give that to Roberto.
He's the concierge at the Cipriani.
He's a friend and he'll take care of you.
You'll have such a good time, Rebecca won't even remember that this place exists.
Let's hope it isn't too late.
My grandfather donated Wellington's pistols to a museum, and they just sold them to the highest bidder.
They had no right, they belong to my family.
-We were just taking back what was ours.
-And who was the woman in the wardrobe? WOMAN: No! No, please! She was one of the Sheikh's wives.
I found her in the honesty bar.
(STAMMERING) I saw my chance and I abducted her.
I switched places with her, so we could get to the safe in the Sheikh's suite.
-I couldn't find the code.
-The pistols are in the hotel safe.
Sheikh Abdullah came back with these men.
I was trapped in a bedroom.
-Thank you.
-My pleasure.
I got out when they left the suite this morning.
-There was blood in the bath.
-I suffer from nose bleeds.
What about the bags you were carrying to the car in the middle of the night? In order to make a quick getaway.
So, what happens now? Kidnapping is a very serious crime.
MRS JOHNSON: We wouldn't have hurt her.
MRJOHNSON: We're broke.
If we don't get the pistols back, we lose our business, our house, everything.
Bankruptcy can't be as bad as prison.
You're going to let them off? The Burlington's bookings are down 50% since news got out about their dead cleaner.
The last thing we need is any horror stories about this hotel.
But MrJohnson chased me.
And you smashed a vase over his head, so I guess you're even.
-She's the boss.
-Ah, Miss Mitchell.
One of my wives is missing.
This man and this woman, they abducted me.
My husband can't find out I drinking alcohol.
-You want us to cover it up? -They don't hurt me.
I'm fine.
It will be much worse if my husband find out I drink.
Okay, Mark.
-I think she's made her choice.
-I'll go and find her.
Ready? -Do you want to go for breakfast? -Sure.
You two have a lovely time.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN) -What does that mean? -My wife has a swollen ankle.
She twisted it on one of the cobbled streets out there.
The only Italian I know.
-There's something I need to talk to you about.
Whatever it is, I'm not interested.
I don't care if the hotel is on fire.
I am going to Venice and I don't expect to be disturbed while I'm there.
You're perfectly capable of running this place, so get on with it.
Well, I just wanted to tell you, and everyone, actually, that Jackie and I, we're seeing each other.
No shagging in the rooms.
-Aren't you gonna say something? -I am very happy for you.
So, has she got nice boobs? Come on.
Share the joy.
CHARLIE: Something strange happens when you spend a night in a hotel.
Your boundaries shift.
Your rules of engagement change.
But no matter how badly you've behaved during the night, you turn up at Reception the next day like innocent little children.
You may have drunk the bar dry during the night, but what you shouldn't forget is that we're sober.
We see, hear and remember everything.
But it can be our little secret.
Good morning, sir.
Let me take that.
-I thought we were going for breakfast? -I don't think your girlfriend would approve.
-What are you doing? -I went public about us.
-And what did they say? -Congratulations.
Has she got nice boobs? -And what did you say? -I said, "Yes, she has.
They're sensational.
" You look tired.
Get some sleep.
When you stay in a hotel, you're staying among strangers.
You never know who you'll meet or what might be going on in the room next door.
And working in hotels, you hear so many different stories about what's been going on, it's sometimes difficult to know what to believe.
(RUMBLING) I left a little loose change on my bedside table last night.
-How much money are we talking about? -Two, maybe 3,000.
No big deal.
Anyone caught stealing faces instant dismissal.
Derek's asked me for a favour.
He wants his son to get the nod.
I don't like cleaning.
It's birds' work, innit? Miss Merchant is here.
Please, do not crunch them.
You have so many attractive qualities.
James, really.
Are you trying to pick me up?