Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

Buggin' Out; How Do You Solve a Problem Like Medusa

1 [THUNDERING.]
[MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING.]
[BATS SQUEAKING.]
[MUSIC.]
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING.]
Who would have thought exploding giant bugs could be this great! Boom! Gotcha! I could do this all day.
Hey, uh, what time is it anyway? - Um, Friday? - Oh, okay, Friday.
Friday?! We've been here five days?! Uh, 12 actually.
Really good game.
So, I have two weeks worth of work to do before Aunt Lydia does her inspection in 15 minutes?! [SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
That's mine! [POOFING.]
Oh man.
If I don't get all this done, Aunt Lydia's for sure going to put me on waxing duty.
[SOFT AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMING.]
First stop: torture chamber.
Pointy.
Stretchy.
Breaky.
Choppy.
Hungry.
Werewolves sharing connecting rooms with werecats.
Ah, no time.
What's the worst that could happen? [MEOWING.]
[SNARLING.]
[TWINKLING.]
Ugh, done.
Now to hide in my room and hope no one complains to Aunt Lydia! Hi.
Hi.
It's so great to see you.
No, it is not.
Tell me, Mavis, was it not your responsibility to service the torture chamber equipment? I went for a quick decapitation.
You know, it's good to grow a fresh head every couple of months, but the guillotine blade was dull.
Now I've got to finish the job myself! [SAW BLADE GRATING.]
Did it.
[SIGHING.]
Well, I suppose there is no serious harm done.
Assuming you did the one essential job I gave you that could bring the entire hotel down if not completed.
[GULPING.]
Well, of course I did that.
Good.
Because naturally, our guests expect only the freshest and hungriest bed bugs.
[GASPING.]
The bed bugs! [GROWLING.]
Are buggier and beddier than ever! I'm dead.
Or, like, more dead.
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC CHIMING.]
[POOFING.]
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Hey! - Total disaster! To-tal disaster! We could've paused that, you know.
- Yeah, it's not the game's fault.
- Yeah, it is.
I forgot I was supposed to fly to Spookarest to buy fresh bed bugs this week.
You need bugs? I got all kinds of bugs! Lightning bugs, June bugs, ladybugs, gentlemen bugs, jitterbugs, litterbugs, humbugs.
Bed bugs! I need bed bugs! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Okay.
Easy, lady.
[GROANING.]
Boom.
Spookarest bed bugs? For real?! You're a lifesaver.
Now I just got to get them in all the rooms before the guests go to bed.
[LAUGHING.]
[BEAT BOXING.]
Yo Mavis in da hizzouse I'm rolling like a big louse Dropping bugs with Hanky He puts them on the blankie Me I'm just a-winging them Wendy's all a-flinging them Pedro keeps on bringing them And now it's time to sing to them Bedbugs in the hotel, monsters love a bite Bedbugs in the hotel Sweet dreams, my bugs, good night Wikka waa [YAWNING.]
- Oof! - A-hem.
About those bed bugs you purchased.
[GULPING.]
[WHINNYING.]
I am not one for extravagant praise, but Diane feels I need to be more appreciative.
So [THROAT CLEARING.]
Adequate work.
[COUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Nice.
Chalk one up for irresponsibility! What what! Oh, Mavis, darling, I want to thank you for such a bitey night.
It almost made up for my back hair getting tangled in the hot tub filter.
Oh, um, thanks, I guess.
I thought braiding it would keep me out of trouble.
Nope.
[LAUGHING.]
Any who, my husband stole six pool towels and I licked the TV remote.
Bye.
Okay, way too much information.
But [LAUGHING.]
Mavis! Love the new bugs.
And I have to tell you, I drank out of the toilet last night and licked the TV remote.
Da svidaniya.
Ugh.
Okay, something's up, because guests are sharing way too much today.
[GRUNTING.]
Get back here.
Hey, come on! Break it up! Wendy said my stitches are too symmetrical.
Pedro said for a year after we met he thought I was a booger! Hank says he uses me to wipe his butt! Mm, you know what? You just can't find this kind of softness and absorbency anymore.
Yeah, you got to stop that.
Ow! [GRUNTING.]
Guys! Guys! Guys! What is going on around here today? Huh? [LAUGHING.]
Ah, everyone's probably just extra honest 'cause we put truth bugs in all the rooms instead of bed bugs.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, right.
That makes sense.
What?! Yeah, I figured it out last night.
But was too embarrassed to admit I couldn't tell my home bugs apart.
Actually, I'm not even sure why I'm telling you right now.
Oooh.
- Maybe it's the truth bugs.
- Holy rabies! Okay, let's not freak out just yet.
I bet no one will even notice.
[SCREAMING.]
MAVIS: Oh, no.
All this truth telling has made everybody mad at each other.
I've got to fix this before Aunt Lydia finds out.
There must be someone gross around here - that knows about bugs.
- Mm-hmm.
Dr.
Gillman, Dr.
Gillman! Whoa, what's wrong with your head? Ah, I'm just growing a new one.
Now, how can I be of service? I need to know about truth bugs.
Okay, okay, truth bugs.
Truth bugs.
Ah, here we go.
It says here, "They bite you and then make you tell the truth.
" Right, I guess you knew that part.
Well, apparently, "The bugs feed on these truths, and vampires are the only monsters immune to the bites.
" So, that's why I haven't been spilling my guts all over.
- Okay, so, how do we get rid of them? - It ain't easy.
Truth bugs can't be squashed or poisoned or nagged to death, or even burned with an enchanted magnifying glass.
[GROANING.]
So, we just have to listen to the truth forever? Well, that.
And bites from full-grown bugs melt monster's brains.
I probably should've led with that.
- So, they're invincible and melt brains? - Yeah, sorry.
Thou recent studies suggest the bugs are vulnerable to overeating.
Of course, those studies are run by quacks like me, so Wait, overeating? How? Just like this schmo here.
Keep laying truth on these ugly suckers and they go kablooey! - And kablooey is a medical term? - Yep.
I did a whole unit on kablooey in swamp monster med school.
Right before I flunked out.
[MUSIC.]
Guys, stop! Stop what? These truth bugs are going to melt our brains! - Whoa! - What? - Brains? We need to overfeed them the truth, then kablooey! Is that a medical term? Yep.
Quick, you guys, more honesty.
[CHOMPING.]
Ow! Yes, Mavis.
Man, you got to be the bossiest vampire in Transylvania.
Ah, yeah.
That's the way.
[CHOMPING.]
Oh! I once saw Mavis show a zombie a more efficient way to eat brains.
- Like, micromanage much? - Oh, okay.
Great.
Uh, but everything doesn't have to be about me, right? [CHOMPING.]
Ow! Huh, that's nothing! Did you know Mavis toots into the coffins when she thinks no one's watching? [EXPLODING.]
- Great work.
- Truth bomb.
[GUESTS SCREAMING.]
[GASPING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Everyone, listen! We can stop this! These bugs are going to melt your brains unless you tell the truth! [LAUGHING.]
Keep looking, dude, hasn't been a brain in there since I got mummified.
Show 'em what's up, guys! My billionaire dad steals ketchup packs from the hotel restaurant! [SCREECHING.]
[EXPLODING.]
I'm only 75 years old.
I just tell people I'm ancient to look cool! My middle name is Norma.
- I love pork chops.
- My kids ate the werecat family in the adjoining room next door.
[LAUGHING.]
[SPLATTERING.]
It's working.
It's working! [GRUNTING.]
What's wrong? Sorry, Mavis, I think we're all out of truth.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, we don't have enough truth to explode the bugs? We're ruined.
I don't even deserve to work at this hotel.
LYDIA: Yes, you do.
[EXPLODING.]
You are a Dracula.
Prove me right.
Wow.
Okay.
You want the truth? You got it.
I grew a moustache when I was 90 and told everyone it was chocolate milk.
And, yes, I do toot in the coffins when no one's watching! Mavis, you did it! We're saved.
[ROARING.]
[RUMBLING.]
[SCREAMING.]
I take that back.
We're all doomed.
It's the queen! Come on, Mavis, you can end this.
But I only have one truth left, and it's not really something I want to Truth! Truth! Truth! Truth! Truth! Truth! Truth! [RAPIDLY CHANTING.]
Truth! LYDIA: You are a Dracula.
Prove me right.
[BUG SNARLING.]
I'm responsible for bringing truth bugs into the hotel.
This is all my fault.
Go, Mavis! [CHEERING.]
You're way heavier than you look! [GRUNTING.]
Okay, I hope this wears off soon.
I'm not sure how much more honesty I can take.
I am betting it will wear off about the same time you are finished yeti waxing duty.
Yes, ma'am.
But, Aunt Lydia, what you said before about my deserving to work at the hotel? Truth bugs don't work on vampires.
[BATS SQUEAKING.]
[MUSIC.]
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
One, two, three, four! G-g-g-guts! G-g-g-g-garlic! - G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g! - Yeah! What is going on? [SCREAMING.]
Ah! [CYMBALS CLASHING.]
[GUITAR STRUMMING.]
Diane was in the middle of re-enacting a riveting tale.
[CLUCKING.]
[LAUGHING.]
- Mavis, explain yourself.
- We're just friends having fun.
And I can tell by your face, fun with friends is over.
A face which should be welcoming guests to our hotel.
Instead of wasting what feels like an eternity looking at you.
Get back to work! Lydia, out.
Aunt Lydia is such a stake in the mud! So, now I can't have fun with my friends? [GRUNTING.]
[POUNDING.]
Hang on, maybe that's the problem.
Maybe she's miserable because she doesn't have many friends.
Many? You mean any friends.
None.
Zero.
Nada.
Zero.
[CHUCKLES.]
I said zero again 'cause that time I said it in Polish.
Maybe if she had a friend she wouldn't be so miserable.
And maybe if we cheered her up she'd leave us alone.
But we just established she's got no friends.
Zero.
Hey, I'm bilingual.
Hey, I just thought of someone else who was undead when Aunt Lydia was a kid who might just know if she ever had a bestie.
Mavis, out.
[GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING.]
Ugh.
One day that's going to work.
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC BEEPING.]
How dare you come onto my turf! I'll tear you limb from limb.
[GASPING.]
Here, take these! [GRUNTING.]
- Um, Uncle Gene.
- Mavis.
Has Aunt Lydia ever had a friend? - Nope.
Never.
- Told you.
Wait, there was this one girl.
With a look so cold she could turn you to stone.
And snakes for hair.
- Do you mean Medusa? - That's the one! Yes! Thank you.
Told ya.
But Lydia totally hated that girl.
[LAUGHING.]
[SPITTING.]
Glad we don't have to see her ever again.
[LAUGHING.]
[MOOING IN GAME.]
I have to milk my cows.
Why would I want to milk a bunch of cows? [LAUGHING.]
Sucker! Now, Jim, this is super urgent.
I need express, ultrafast delivery.
Got it? Jim's the best.
Look at him go.
This is so exciting! What girl wouldn't want to hear from her childhood BFF? Maybe the girl with snakes for hair - who turns everyone to stone? - Plus, you're not her BFF.
Relax, Medusa will never know I was pretending to be Aunt Lydia in that letter.
Yeah, 'cause your opening line of, "Hey, girlfriend!" sounds exactly like something - the evil dark baroness would say.
- Right? [STAMPING.]
Oh, child.
Why are you being an even greater nuisance than usual? Oh, no special reason.
Just wondering if that face of yours has welcomed any new guests.
Maybe a blast from the past? [WOMAN LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING CONTINUES.]
Oh, hi.
"Lydi-uh.
" [GASPING.]
Medusa.
[THROAT CLEARING.]
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood.
Ha.
Oops.
So sorry, Lydi-uh.
She is such a backstabber.
MEDUSA: Uh, what a dump.
I never thought I'd set foot in this place again.
But then I got your adorable letter with all the teen speak.
[LAUGHING.]
Adorable? Letter? Teen speak?! [GROWLING.]
[SNAPPING.]
Careful, you don't want to make such an ugly face.
I might just make it stay that way.
[HISSING.]
[CLUCKING.]
[ZAPPING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, and, Lydi, set my bags by the bed, would you? [GROWLING.]
[SNAPPING.]
- Oh.
- Be glad you're already undead!!! Ooh-hoo-hoo.
You see the look she gave you? I thought you were going to explode! [LAUGHING.]
Guess you learned your lesson, huh? Yup.
If I'm going to cheer up Aunt Lydia I've got to be way more blatant with my interference.
To Medusa, from Nope.
Love, your BFF Lydia.
Do you know the boogeyman The boogeyman, the boogeyman Do you know the boogeyman - # He lives under your bed # - No.
Way! La la la la la la la - # La la la # - I turn you to stone.
And you to stone.
And I turn you to stone.
And I turn you to stone.
[HISSING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Holy rabies.
Holy rabies.
I turned you to stone.
I turned you to stone.
Sorry.
Sorry.
So so sorry.
How do I turn you back? [HISSING.]
Oh, no.
Ugh.
No.
Don't.
Ow.
Ow.
I'm going to call you "Bitey.
" [HISSING.]
Psst, tell my friends I need help.
- I told you this wouldn't end well.
- No, you didn't.
- Well, I meant to.
- Wow.
Okay, I need help to fix things but I can't go out looking like this.
Why am I still talking to you? [MUSIC.]
[WHISPERING.]
Hank.
Wendy.
Pedro.
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Medusa, coming through.
[SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[CLUCKING.]
LYDIA: Medusa.
[LAUGHING.]
I knew she wore stilts.
[PANTING.]
You won't believe what's happened.
- You turned Medusa to stone.
- No! I turned Medusa to stone! We know, a shrunken head told us.
And so, maybe we hid her.
Oh, thank you.
- Where is she? - Right, well, here's the thing.
Before we hid her we kind of, um broke her.
[GASPING.]
We're still trying to get her back together.
- Oh, found her big toe.
- Hey! That's my big toe! Uh, dude, it's clearly mine.
[CHEWING.]
Huh.
You're right.
Forget your toes! Look at my hair.
[HISSING.]
[SCREAMING.]
That is a terrible haircut.
- Well, I think it's pretty.
- Aw, thank you.
But also, we got to get these snakes off my head! They're totally stuck! [MUSIC.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[THUDDING.]
Ow.
Ugh, this is hopeless.
We need to get these snakes off my head to reverse the curse on Medusa.
[THUDDING.]
The only monster who might know what to do is Aunt Lydia, and I can't exactly ask her.
[GASPING.]
- Wait, Uncle Gene! - No, I'm Wendy.
I think maybe the snakes are on too tight.
[SNORING.]
I can't believe I'm stuck with snakes for hair.
Of all the times for Uncle Gene to be asleep.
[SNORING.]
Wait, when I found the snakes Medusa was singing in the shower and her snakes were asleep.
You're saying we need a nap.
On it.
No, I'm saying we need to sing the snakes to sleep.
[SNORING.]
[LULLABY MUSIC.]
- How is that even possible? - Shh, Mummy needs his beauty rest.
[BANGING.]
# Yes, I know the boogeyman # The boogeyman, the boogeyman Yes, I know the boogeyman He's hiding under your bed Right now he's trying to sleep over here! [SLAMMING.]
La la la la la la la [GASPING.]
It worked.
[WHISPERING.]
They're asleep.
Who goes there?! Diane needs to rest for her next performance.
[SNORING, WHISTLING.]
Medusa? [HISSING.]
[SING-SONGY.]
# They're waking up.
# - Run! I know a secret shortcut.
- Hm.
Your secret shortcut goes right through the hotel lobby? During unhappy hour? [SOBBING.]
I love unhappy hour.
[SOBBING.]
# You know the boogeyman # The boogeyman, the boogeyman La la la la la la la La la la la la la - Mavis, they're asleep! - Get those snakes off your head now! - It worked.
- LYDIA: Mavis? [GASPING.]
- That's you? - Uh-oh.
Uh.
[SCREAMING.]
What is her face doing? - I-I don't know.
- Is that a - She's kind of sort of - Oh, no.
She's going to ALL: Smile? MAVIS: It is a-a-a smile.
Sort of.
I think she's happy.
Really, really happy.
Kind of? Why are you in my wrap? [GASPING, GULPING NERVOUSLY.]
Because she wears it so much better than you.
Oh! Oh, my glasses are stuck.
[GRUNTING.]
Oh, and did anyone ever tell you, you have a staring problem? [LAUGHING.]
I've wanted to say that for centuries.
And as for you, you're grounded.
[SNAP.]
For having brought Medusa here in the first place.
Since that was the first and probably last time I will almost see you smile, it was totally worth it.
Is one of my arms on backwards? I just got a manicure.
Boo-yeah.

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