House Husbands (2012) s05e02 Episode Script

1 I'd like to introduce Nepean South's specialist music teacher, - Mr.
Nick Gazecki.
- (APPLAUSE) - Has he had a police check? - What is your problem? I don't want a deviant teaching our kids music.
There's nothing about him on the internet.
No search results on Nick or Nicholas Gazecki.
He's hiding something.
I got here as quick as I could.
Are we good enough to swim in the Olympics? - We would if we had our own pool.
- We do.
Thanks for letting us stay.
Stay as long as you want.
I convinced them to let me re-sit my final exam.
And I nailed it.
I'm a med school graduate.
Congratulations, Dr.
Crabb.
- You're fired.
- Sorry? Rachel told me that you guys just lost your jobs.
- Oh, he sacked you too.
- Hmm? I will get another job.
I'll tell the hospital I'll be back Monday.
('GO BIG OR GO HOME' BY AMERICAN AUTHORS) (CAR HORN) Mum? Dad? Am I in heaven? Am I dead? No such thing as an afterlife.
I think the lycra's cutting off his circulation.
(GROANS) What are you doing here? He's forgotten.
It's your father's birthday.
The big 7-0.
We've come to celebrate with you and the family.
Like you suggested.
Did I? Oh, I did.
We can talk plans back at your place.
My place.
My place? Okay.
Back on your bike, love.
(CAR STARTS) A 70th? Here? I think I may have said something a couple of months ago.
Dad wants to celebrate with the family, which is A disaster.
You'd better get home here now.
This place is a pit.
- (BICYCLE BELL) - Morning! - Here we go.
- Hello.
Hello, little one.
Don't worry.
I know you don't do tactile.
How are you, Abi? Good.
Great.
And you, Liz? - Okay.
Happy birthday, Bernie.
- Oh, it's a couple of days, yet.
It's all right.
You don't have to get out your pots and pans.
We'll do something casual.
Out the back, maybe.
So you're having the party here, then? Birthdays are all about family.
Oh! You beat me home.
Birthday's at our house.
With the family.
Like you offered.
Yeah, it'll be terrific.
I'm looking forward to it.
It'll be (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Great.
- Hey! - Oh, dear.
Sorry.
Cop an eyeful, did you? Oh, copped more than an eyeful, darl.
E-mail.
Something about your internship.
Oh, no.
I got St.
Michael's.
- That was your last preference.
- This can't be happening.
Maybe it's a good thing.
It's local, you know where the toilets are I was hoping for a fresh start.
Everyone at St.
Michael's will still see me as a nurse.
I wanted a clean slate.
I know you did, darling.
Yeah, I've moved my entire family into my mate's, that's how bad it is.
Yeah.
Have you got the chewing gum off yet? Yeah, one second, mate.
Direct debit payment.
Comes out every month like clockwork.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, I didn't get that letter.
You should wear your Hard Yakka's more often, darl.
Accentuates your man assets.
He'll keep.
Okay, get your bags, kids.
We need to go.
- Talk about useless.
- They can't send out an assessor? Well, they can't really do anything.
I missed my last payment policies and arrears.
What, you're not insured? Well, they sent me a reminder but I guess with everything I've got on, I missed it.
Well, how are you going to pay for the damage? - (BICYCLE BELL) - Hey.
- Oh, morning.
- How's it going? Never better.
Nothing like a morning ride to clear the cobwebs.
Hey, Nick.
I got a new guitar.
Oh, aren't you lucky? - I got the drums.
- Woohoo! Okay, who's walking with me? Our house is flooded.
It's a disaster.
- Your house is flooded? - Completely waterlogged.
- Do you need a hand? - Nah, we're right.
Sure.
If you've got time? Yeah, I can pop around this afternoon.
Coffee's getting cold.
Just shoot me the address.
See you.
Bet you the house he doesn't turn up.
- (TUNEFUL KNOCKING) - (COUGHING) - Wow.
Oh, you look - This really isn't a good time.
I poisoned myself with salmon.
- Thank you, darling.
- Lucky I hate salmon.
.
Yeah, that makes two of us.
Um, I'll call you later when things have Is there anything I can do? Nah, we're fine.
Mate, grab your bag.
I'll take you to school.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Oh! - Oh, come on, quick, quick.
You'll have to deal with stinky bum.
I'm already running late.
Okay, well I'll drop Sophie at day-care.
Can we call it something else? Just while your mother's here.
And can you relocate the party to Uzbekistan by the time I get back from work? Thanks.
See? You've still got your sense of humour.
It's a good sign.
First day back and I'm already falling short.
Grandma's walking me to school today.
Oh, thanks, Liz.
Poppy says she has no more late passes left.
When you're early, you get to play with the other kids.
Will you be home when I get home from school? Absolutely.
- Have a good day.
- I will.
Love you.
- Gemma, have you got a minute? - Yeah, sure.
- Oh.
Are you right with that, darl? - Yeah, I've got it.
Oh.
Glad to see you're embracing the musical spirit, Lewis.
I've got you down to help out in Nick's music class today.
But it's just a few kids bashing sticks around.
To the non-musical ear.
You're in there to learn, Lewis.
Better get those sticks ready.
I'll take that.
It gets pretty heavy.
- Thanks, Gemma.
- Okay.
What was that about? Nick? He just wanted to know what perfume I wear.
Did the alpha mums freeze you out? No, self exile.
Smart woman.
And with excellent taste in shoes.
- Thank you.
- Look at them, gossiping and jostling.
My daughter-in-law would be right at home in their ranks.
Honestly, her idea of fun is a monologue.
Sounds like someone I would love to have a drink with.
A drink is the only thing that gets me through our encounters, believe me.
(BOTH LAUGH) Grandma, Mum forgot my lunch again.
(LOUD PERCUSSION AND YELLING) Ah! Sorry, Dad.
Guys? (YELLS) Guys! Guys! Hey! - (CHANTS) - (CHILDREN REPEAT CHANT) Very good.
Now, who's ready to make some real rhythms? - (CHILDREN CHEER) - Yeah! - Crisis, was it? - What's that? The call.
You leaving the class.
You leaving the kids in the class unsupervised.
Well, you were here.
Mate, you've got one class this morning and you've missed part of it.
I thought you might need some hydrolytes.
I expect you heard me chucking.
No, Nick just asked me to pop in.
Nick? Mmm.
The ones who stick around even after you've chucked they're the keepers.
I'm doing my best to scare him off.
Unemployed, single mother, shady side of 40 and allergic to cooking.
Must be your X-factor.
Gets me in trouble every time.
Well, if you need anything, just give me ahoy.
Thanks.
- Yes.
- Hi, pretty girl.
Hey, I don't mind taking Sophie if Any excuse to leave the house, huh? Enjoy your family bonding time.
Mum means well-ish.
Can you not leave Georgia alone with her? Remember what happened to Poppy she asked where milk came from and your mother made an udder out of a latex glove and made Poppy milk her.
Please, don't let her scar any more of our children.
Well, I survived, I'm okay.
(CAR STARTS) Who's this coming up to you? - (LAUGHS) - (BABY COOS) You can't leave kids alone in a classroom.
I should report him.
The kids are old enough to look after themselves.
Says the bloke who's hiding from his mum.
Some people avoid conflict rather than actively seeking it.
You guys working hard or hardly working? Looks like they're hardly working.
Mate, this would have been a lot easier if you hadn't have let your insurance lapse.
- Come on, mummy's boy.
- Shut up, Lewis.
- What happened with your insurance? - Don't ask.
I just won't have plans to expand the business.
- Yeah? Like what? - Oh, it's not going to happen now.
Not if you talk it down, it won't.
Oh, I was just thinking of other fitness classes.
For kids? Yeah.
For kids, adults maybe.
- Or both.
Together.
- Get the whole family fit.
There's nothing wrong with going big, mate.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Lateness is a sign of sociopathy.
Oh, thank you for that pearl, Toni.
It's always a pleasure.
Oh! I had them in a specific order.
I spent ages arranging them and - What's this? - A file.
- Yes, and? - All our new interns.
Joy, oh joy.
It's O-week.
- (OVER PHONE) It's a disaster.
- It'll be just like before.
Back together, hospital hijinks.
This could be the worst thing to happen to Gemma and me since I incorrectly assumed she had implants.
I mean, you know Gemma, she's Ruthless? No, I wouldn't say that, but she'll make me look - Bad? - Mark.
Not that you'd let that happen.
Put Georgia on.
(WHIMPERS SOFTLY) Is she okay? She sounds snuffly.
Has Liz got the windows open again? Oh, no, no.
She's fine, aren't you, bubs? Yeah.
I'm fine.
You're fine.
Mum's fine.
Everyone's fine.
Hello? Hello? Toni? - Is the intern manager about? - No.
What, in the whole hospital? Does no one manage the interns? No, I mean no, you can't see her.
Oh.
I don't really think that's your call.
(SCOFFS) Let me guess you didn't get your first preference, so now you think you deserve special treatment.
Am I right? Mmm, that's pretty much the gist of it.
Do you know how many people would give their left nut for a placement at St.
Michael's? Yeah, I do, actually.
I think I must be nervous.
You know, I loved my time at Nurse Unit Manager here.
It's a great crew.
The finest.
You've crossed over, now.
- You're a doctor.
- Well, on the outside.
On the inside, I'm all nurse.
That's never going to change.
That's the smartest thing I've heard come out of your mouth.
I like you.
(SCOFFS) Bull.
Well, you're not afraid to call it like it is.
That's a great Nurse Unit Manager for you.
You're all right for a doctor.
You and me.
They are not going to know what's hit them.
(BOTH LAUGH) (SIGHS) Just did a bit of nurse bonding.
I noticed.
I just thought if we're working together, I don't want her as an enemy.
Oh, God.
Sorry.
Congratulations on getting St.
Michael's.
Oh, yeah.
Lucky me.
I mean we probably won't even see each other, me in ED and you all over the place.
We'll have to diarise coffee dates.
Yeah.
Oh, I met your mother-in-law at the drop-off this morning.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Visit's going well then? - (SIGHS HEAVILY) Just the usual.
Liz criticising Mark, Liz criticising me, Liz trying to break us up.
She hates me.
Always has, always will.
I know consulting can be a pretty fickle trade, so I'm very keen and I'm certainly available.
I would love the opportunity.
Do you want me to send my e-mail again? Because I can.
You looking for a new job? - Spreading your wings? - No, I'm just between contracts.
No need to be so glum about it.
Oh, I'm not glum.
No, just hiding behind underpants.
At least they're clean.
Mum The loss of your superficial career is the best thing that could happen.
Superficial? Selling stuff to people who have no need for it.
It's hardly the stuff to fire up your passion.
You've been stuck in a rut for years, Mark, while Abi's been climbing the ladder.
Where has it got you? This is an opportunity, Mark.
Use it to rekindle your fire.
I want my boy to glow.
I want him to roar.
- Don't you want that, too? - (TIMIDLY) Yeah.
Learn from your mistakes.
It's not too late.
I've never thought of marketing as a mistake I wasn't just talking about your career choice.
The truth can be painful but it can set you free.
Abi's been holding you back, my love.
Always has.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just waiting for one of the boys.
Maybe he joined a fancy music class and his parents had to fork out big bucks for a new instrument.
Most parents hire first.
And for some, new instruments are a bit of a status thing.
Tilda's guitar was on sale.
40% off.
I'll call his Mum, make sure it's okay.
Just bump up a kid from the waiting list.
No, I'd check in with Stevie, first.
Sounds fair.
You can't hold spots for fickle kids.
You'll go under with a business model like that.
Loyalty pays, Lewis.
No, paying customers pay.
Stevie's not here tomorrow, his place goes to another kid.
End of story.
You've got a house to fix.
Righto, kids, come on in.
He reminds me of my Dad.
Don't you ever want to tell him where to go? Yeah.
Look, he's a bit of a pain but I wouldn't have all this if it wasn't for him.
You know what they say about old mates and money.
So you'd buy him out if you could? Yeah.
Not likely, though.
Flood damage has already cost me $5k that I don't have.
Here I was just talking to the bank about a business loan.
Well, I could loan you the money.
I mean, you're obviously good for it.
Money and mates, remember? Yeah, but some loans come without conditions.
It might help you out.
Then again, maybe it's better the devil you know.
Your call.
And carry the three.
We don't carry, Grandpa, we drop down.
Oh.
I am old.
Hey, you didn't get one right.
I need the energy.
Me too.
Sorry, I'm late.
We're used to your unpredictable hours.
Something smells good.
Ethical meat has a better aroma, I find.
Where are Sophie and Georgia? In their beds.
Where's Mark? You were out of almond milk.
(LAUGHS) Seriously? You actually drink almond milk? Oh, hey.
You don't know where the almond milk is, do you? No idea.
Maybe check the tea and coffee aisle? Oh, right.
I don't suppose you want to come home with me tonight? Uh I hear music soothes all kinds of things.
How long is your mum staying for? Well, she always arrives unannounced and leaves the same way.
So Right.
Anything you want to tell me? Uh, no.
Just responding to a crisis call for a friend.
Catch you later.
Catch you.
Liz thought a slide night would be fun.
- Not the slides.
- Yes, the slides.
She's invited all our friends.
This is what spontaneity looks like.
Mark tells me you were in the building game.
Yeah, but it's a whole different game now.
Dad built our first house.
So, Mark inherited his mum's talents.
(CHUCKLES) Ah, Liz.
This is my best friend, Gemma.
Gemma, my mother-in-law, Liz.
- Great shoes, Gemma.
- Thanks, Liz.
I go for comfort, myself.
There's nothing uglier than a bunion.
I mean, I get all the glamour and the swagger and all that, but talk to me about vanity when you're having bone shaved off your foot because your big toe's all out of alignment after years of wearing pumps.
I mean, not that that would ever happen to either of you.
Glass of wine, Gemma? Yes, please.
Thank you.
(CHUCKLING) Scully City Pipes and Drums.
He was rhythmic, great sense of timing.
Remember what your drum major used to say? Please wear pants? (LAUGHS) Your parade work was exceptional.
This is when we were home-schooling.
Travelled around Australia.
Mark spent hours studying native fauna.
What happened to that passion? You were going to be a zoologist.
Mum, I was nine.
He gets nervous when the guinea pig squeaks.
You do.
It's called wheeking in guinea pig speak and it means aggressively begging, actually.
He always scored high for empathy.
School captain.
(LAUGHING) Not hard when you're home-schooled.
This was Oxbury.
Topped the class in Latin and Colonial Politics.
This must be your Chuck Norris years.
Honestly, can't you take anything seriously? Mum, it's a slide night.
It's supposed to be a bit of fun.
Just keep flicking.
Hopefully we'll get to something that's not me.
There are some DVDs of Pops and Sophie somewhere here.
What's happened to you, Mark? Mum - Not now.
- Yes, now.
Look at you.
You used to have intellect.
A questioning mind.
Ambition, wonder.
Now - Liz, leave it.
- No, I will not leave it.
Our bright boy has become an aging stay-at-home dad, pegging out washing with a bunch of equally-lost, sniggering slackers.
Liz! Someone has to call it, Bernie, before it's too late.
- You've got to stand up to her.
- She's his mum.
You ever stand up to yours? I was a golden boy.
- Could do no wrong.
- (CHUCKLES) No offence mate, but she is full of it.
Maybe about you guys, I'm not so sure about me.
Cut it out.
You're not a slacker.
You like to faff around a bit.
- I'm middle-aged - Oh, come on, don't say that.
I'm unemployed, I'm out buying almond milk and wrestling with cling wrap.
Stop sooking.
Sometimes life's rubbish and it just is and then something shifts and it picks up.
Nice pep talk.
It's your life, mate.
She ought to stay out of it.
You're not in a kilt anymore.
I've got to straighten this out.
I'm going to do it now.
I just think that they're not concentrating on the right things.
I mean, poor little Sophie.
She's definitely showing signs of developmental delay.
As soon as I can, I'm going to follow it up with Mark.
I'm going to ask her to leave.
She snipes at you.
She has a go at my mates.
It's not on.
You can't.
How much wine have you had? It's your Dad's 70th, we're hosting the party, the kids are so excited and, really, that's all that's important.
Not me and my sanity.
What about me and mine? What are you still doing up? Why is Grandma being so mean to you? Grandma is not being mean.
We're all entitled to an opinion.
She needs to go back to the Ashram for more medication.
It's meditation, Pop.
As long as stops her from being nasty to you.
Come here.
Thank you.
Now, off to bed.
You've got school tomorrow.
Pop, have you seen Grandma? She went to Qigong, whatever that is.
Okay, grab your jacket or we'll be late for bootcamp.
- Look at this beauty.
- It's so glam.
I found it at the vintage markets.
There's a little stall there, collector's been at it for years.
Grandma will look so pretty in this at the party.
Okay, Pop, grab your jacket, let's go.
Come on.
I love the colour.
Yeah, they don't make them like this anymore.
This was made with love and time.
No rushing.
No mass-producing.
Grandpa's Dad used to make clothes.
Used to spend hours watching him work.
- He made dresses? - Yeah, he was one of the lucky ones.
He found the thing he loved and he was always in a job.
Not like that now.
That's no one's fault.
It's not.
Your mother just wants what's best for you.
You're doing fine.
I can see that.
Come on, that's it.
Quick.
Too slow, come on! Oh, closest thing I've done to exercise since who knows.
What about all the yoga? I'm not as gung-ho as your mother about it.
Well, that goes for a lot of things.
Check it out.
Forget running around cones.
Now that's a decent challenge.
It's too hard, mate.
Rubbish.
It's good to extend the little buggers.
- Toughens them up.
- Yeah, I get it, but if you make it too hard, they just feel like they're failing the whole time.
Better just start easy, give them a boost of confidence, then Nonsense.
What do you reckon, Bernie? You certainly talk a good game.
Yeah, right.
Get me out! Pull, will you? - Step aside.
- What are you Look at these.
Brand spanking new.
Come on kids, grab the sides.
Now, all together lift! Right, kids.
Race you to the top of the hill.
Hey.
About that loan - What's this? - It's the cash.
Wait, are you sure? Well, when I left the law, I came into some money and I don't need it right now.
But you do.
Unless you've got an issue with it.
- Thanks.
- No worries.
I'll make sure to pay it back.
Okay, interns.
You've hit the big time.
White coat, personalised stethoscope.
Now is when the real learning begins.
You guys get to crawl your way past smug, know-it-all doctors and under-valued, over-worked nurses.
Do you think HR know she's unleashed? - Mate, she would eat you alive.
- Here are your assigned supervisors, slash slave drivers.
Ah, Rudi Elli, Dr.
Singh.
Anna Long, Dr.
Newnham.
Gemma Crabb, Dr.
Albert.
Samuel Carmichael, Dr.
Mendez.
And Shivanna Tiller, Dr.
Newcomb.
Is this some terrible joke to you? - I don't do jokes.
- Pairing me with Gemma Crabb.
Oh, you know that's nothing to do with me.
Yeah, but did the names get mixed up somehow.
No, no mix up.
Oh, it would be funny if there was, though.
This could be a great way to expand your business.
I know.
I think it's a winner.
What's a winner? Dads of Nepean South.
Nick came up with the idea.
Fitness training for local dads.
Bringing blokes together.
Yeah.
I think there's a real need.
Could be great.
It'll cost.
- New businesses soak up the dough.
- Let me worry about that.
You can't even keep up your insurance premiums.
How are you going to expand your business? You know what, I'm going to head off.
I said that I'd check in with Rach.
Thanks for your help, I appreciate it.
Great to see you, Lewis.
So, let me get this straight it was his idea and he's bankrolling you? It's just something I want to do, on my own.
Oh, you want to do something on your own? Yep.
Fix your own house.
It's true.
My mates snigger at me.
Sorry? My mates are there for me, no matter what.
Even when I'm being an idiot.
Yes, it's true sometimes that Abi can be a bit self-obsessed and Finally, some truthsay.
She's also wonderful and great, Mum She's got you on a short leash.
She's my wife.
- I love her.
- Love is mutual respect.
Love is letting each other grow.
Love is unconditional.
Yes, it is.
I've always supported you.
You don't know the meaning of the word unconditional.
You say you want me to have more passion and fire I have passion and fire.
For my friends and family.
The only thing that snuffs my fire out is you.
Mark! Come on, love.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Could you tell me where the music room is? - Are you looking for Nick? - Yeah.
He's not here today, sadly.
Do you know where he is? Well, I could get a message to him.
Please tell him to call me ASAP.
Yeah, sure.
Let him know that if I don't pay my overdue rent today, little Jack and I will get chucked out.
(KNOCKING) Nick there? Oh, hello to you, too.
- Is he? - So nice to chit-chat.
He'll be back soon.
Can I help? No, just tell him to pop over.
I've got a message for him.
School stuff.
Must be nice being Nick's helper.
Might broaden that narrow mind of yours.
Actually, you can pass on the message.
Just tell Nick his other girlfriend dropped in at school today with their son and if he doesn't pay their rent, they'll get thrown out.
Hey, Hun.
Lewis just stopped by to let you know Mia's looking for you.
- Something about the rent being due.
- Ah, yeah.
Yes, Lewis.
I know all about Mia and Jack.
She's not his girlfriend and he's not his son.
Mate, what is it? I mean, you obviously think that I'm dodgy, so why don't you just come out and ask whatever it is you want to know? Yeah, I'll leave you to it.
- So, how was the gym? - Good.
Oh, you don't smell too sweaty.
I showered just for you.
Lucky me.
Can we wake up early tomorrow morning, Grandpa? - What's tomorrow, Poppy? - It's your birthday.
Is that so? Oh, we can't wait for your party.
- (BALLOON DEFLATES) - Oh, pardon me! You're so funny, Grandpa.
(BALLOON SQUEAKS) Mate, I just really need to get back into my house, that's all.
Yep, appreciate it.
What's going on? I'm going to a hotel.
Look, I appreciate your help, always have, but I think it's best if we move on now.
Tilda loves having the kids here.
So does Gemma.
All right, so do I.
Yeah.
You want me to beg? No, I just want you to stop acting like a spoilt four year old.
That's harsh.
But true.
Probably.
You want an apology? Apology.
Good.
What do you reckon the kids want for dinner? ('CA PLANE POUR MOI' BY PLASTIC BERTRAND) Mum, dance with me! I thought I was doing your birthday tomorrow, Bernie.
- We're warming up.
- Come on, Mum.
Let's dance! Abi, join us, please.
All right.
Let's twirl, Pop.
A slide night, now a disco.
What's going on? I had a big fight with Mum and made her cry and now we're dancing.
Her idea.
Something to do with shaking the blues out, apparently.
- You okay? - I'm getting there.
- Hey, loosen those hips.
- (SQUEALS) (MUSIC FADES) Abi - Abi! - Bernie! Bernie, love! ('HEAL' BY TOM ODELL) Take my mind and take my pain Like an empty bottle takes the rain And heal, heal Heal, heal And take my past and take my sins Like an empty sail takes the wind And heal, heal Heal, heal And tell me some things last And tell me some things last I'm so sorry.
I did everything I could.
(SOBS) No! Why couldn't you just do your job? Take my heart and take my hand Like an ocean takes the dirty sands.
The last thing Dad did was dance with you.
Apparently that's lethal.
You didn't see the smile on his face.
Can you tell Poppy? (ACOUSTIC GUITAR) (SOBBING) I thought you were packing Dad's bag.
These are Dad's? Dad wore dresses.
That's right, my love.
How long have you known? About 20 years.
20 years? Why didn't you tell me? It was never the right time.
I would have thought there'd be an opportunity in 20 years! He was going to tell you after his 70th birthday party.
He always did things in his own time.
You know what he was like.
No, I don't.
I didn't know him at all.
Apparently his sisters use to frock him up in their dresses when he was little.
Dad said it was like taking aspirin if you had a headache.
Why didn't I know? Oh, baby.
Bernie might have thought he'd lose you.
Well, that was never going to happen.
Dad's birthday cake just arrived.
Oh, Lord, I forgot.
It's beautiful.
- What sort is it? - MARK AND LIZ: Vanilla cream.
It's his favourite.
We should donate it to the foodbank.
I can organise that.
It's still Grandpa's birthday.
Can we light the candles? Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Grandpa (FADING) Happy birthday (MOURNFUL CHORAL MUSIC) Thanks for coming.
Thanks for asking.
You okay? There's uh There's something I need to tell you.
(CHORAL MUSIC CONTINUES) I'm going to need a bit of help with this.