Hustle s05e05 Episode Script
Politics
Here we are.
James, put it there.
- Bloody good doing business with you.
- Bloody good doing business with you! I love this bloody guy.
See you in Brunei, Jago.
The Sultan is expecting you.
Your people can start work on the palace extension any time.
And don't forget the sunscreen.
- Told you, they're all bloody bonkers.
- See you, chaps.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, bye.
I can't believe they fell for it.
- Yeah.
- Easy money.
Right, then, let's, er, get this place back to how it was.
Sean, mantelpiece.
I mean, those blokes were dim.
That was like taking candy from a baby.
Yeah.
I never really saw the job satisfaction in taking candy from a baby.
Or the fun.
- Fun? - Yeah.
Well, it's no fun when they're that thick, is it? I mean, it bloody spoils it.
Henley and Darlow Solicitors? - Yes.
- Only there was no one at reception.
- That's because we're in here.
- Spring cleaning.
- So, what can we do for you? - I need an injunction fast.
I run this youth club, like a drop-in centre for problem kids.
- In four days it's going to be levelled.
- That's not really our field.
You see, this club, it's in a disused church, a listed building.
Now some speculator buys it, he says he's going to knock it down.
Yeah, that's terrible.
But, to tell you the truth, - we're more divorce - Work-related injuries.
based.
Yeah, yeah.
I get you, mate.
Just like all the other law firms I've been talking to.
- Afraid to take on the big boys, right? - That's us, typical law firm.
So, if you're ever injured by your ex-wife, er, give us a call.
- Yellow Pages out there in front of the - Wait! We may be able to help.
You see, the thing is, we haven't got time for "may be".
I mean, which is it? You gonna take the case or not? Listen, I survived out there long enough to learn one thing.
Kids who go down drop-in centres are scary.
- You think there's a mark in it? - Not sure.
I think we should go down to his youth club, the Pulse.
Hear some more.
- Couldn't hurt.
- Couldn't hurt? It's in Poplar.
Sounds fascinatingly urban.
Let me know how it goes.
You know, we've got four or five pool tables, erm, music.
Jalon? J.
Yeah.
Er, we've got arts and crafts here.
Once a week, we have, er, creative writer's workshops.
If they want to, the kids can hang their stuff up on the lines or on the boards.
We were looking for a yoga teacher but we couldn't really Yeah, I see that look a lot.
And then I show people the offending rates for our club users.
One-third the average for inner cities.
I mean, these kids come to us - That's some pretty good stuff.
- Yeah.
Who'd have thought so many things rhyme with Glock nine mil.
We try to get them to express themselves in in different ways.
And maybe they can resolve issues without violence.
You making fun of my poem? No.
Is that your poem? No.
If anything, I would say it was interesting.
- Shanice.
- Could I just get past? - Don't make fun of my poem.
- Shanice.
- How did he get by on the streets? - He had a lot of help.
Shanice, just just do the breathing thing, Shanice, OK? She is crazy.
You know what the real problem is.
- Can we leave? Soon.
- Lack of discipline.
These kids have never done a decent day's work in their life.
Hard manual labour.
That's what they need.
Is that what you did at their age, Ash? Not a stroke, and look how I turned out.
Sorry about that.
Shanice is making real progress in her anger management.
Look, guys, we thought we were set - listed building, nobody would touch it.
Even when the lease ran out and the council put the place up for sale, we weren't worried.
Then we find out that they sell the place to some speculator.
Oh, dear.
They said our cheque got lost in the system.
Two weeks after that, the listing is lifted.
Come on, that's got to be dodgy, right? How come you've never gone public about this? Well, I was going to.
I had a campaign organised and everything.
Our local MP, Rhona Christie.
She convinced me to call it off.
Said she'd find us a building.
Everyone would be happy.
And? She stopped returning our calls.
That was the last we heard from her.
- Well, I say we help them.
- You must be joking.
That place does not need saving, it needs a fence put round it to keep the kids in.
Weren't you listening? Politicians, speculators, dodgy property deals.
Sounds like a gift from the grifting gods.
Seriously, Albert.
There was this girl Yeah, but this speculator, he wouldn't have bought a listed building on a hunch.
He must've known he could get the listing lifted.
But who'd tell him? That's insider dealing - kind of thing you can get locked up for.
Maybe the same person that persuaded Lennie to drop their campaign.
The MP? - Research? - Research.
What? Er, that's the real Big Ben there? - It's over there.
That's it there.
- Thank you.
Sorry? Do you know what you can do with sorry? Get a cardboard box, put sorry in there.
Then go to your desk and put the rest of your crap in there with it and get out of my office! Rhona Christie.
Career politician.
Took a marginal seat promising to speak up for the man and woman in the street, preserve ethics and integrity in public life.
Built a reputation as a conscientious MP.
Well thought of in the party.
Four years on, she is someone of influence in the construction industry.
Christie is a key member of the team behind the Minister for Urban Development.
Her job is to streamline the regulatory process - and accelerate economic growth.
- What's that? She picks projects to fast-track, then she makes them happen.
It means that she can bypass planners, environmentalists That's a lot of influence.
That's why she has got every construction bigwig in the country fawning over her.
And she uses that influence to help them put up the new buildings.
Or better still, it lets them tear down the old ones.
If they've got a listed building on a site they own, it means they can't develop.
That's why Christie is their fairy godmother.
With a wave of her wand, she turns worthless property into prime real estate.
And you think she delisted the Pulse? She was in the room when it happened.
- But that doesn't prove - She's right.
Christie is not stupid.
She's not going to leave evidence lying around, is she? If she is taking bungs, then the question is how do they get the money from the developer to her? - Brown envelopes.
- Not these days.
Too risky.
MPs know that the bloke with the brown envelope's got a chance of being an undercover journalist.
Developers can't expose themselves either.
They've got to account for their outgoings.
All right, fine.
We give up.
- How? - No idea.
I've drawn a blank.
However Christie is covering her tracks, she is very good at it.
The only way we're gonna find out how she does her deals is to offer her one.
If she is dodgy, we'll find out.
Yes.
Yes.
General election is not far off.
She's got to be looking for one last big payday.
First we find a property developer, borrow their identity, make Christie believe they're offering bungs for a quick delisting.
Then we get ourselves into the developer's place of business and close the deal.
That's all? No, not quite.
Before that we have to get someone into Christie's office.
Sadly her and her researcher have had a parting of the ways.
Apparently, she goes through them at the rate of one a week.
Chews them up, spits 'em out.
So, who do we know that's bite-sized? We would like you to apply for the post of researcher.
Me? Why me? Because you have an impressive ability to absorb and apply new information.
And you're the only one of us who could pass for some spod straight out of uni.
- But I don't know anything about politics.
- That's all right.
Picked you up some background reading.
Could be a long afternoon.
Make sure you get your head round those by the morning.
Got to get the details right.
Wouldn't want you getting spat out too soon.
- Eddie's anyone? - Yeah, what a lovely idea that is.
Don't work too hard.
- You're concerned.
- Ah, she is concerned.
See.
Unless I'm very much mistaken, Emma here is a bit anxious about how her little brother's going to get on in the murky world of politics.
Actually, that isn't what I was concerned about.
- Right.
- What I was thinking was, the demolition men get to work on the Pulse on Friday, right? That's in three days.
So, even if this all comes off and we work out how Christie is making money and how we con her and all that how does that save the Pulse? It's more or less what I was saying, really.
After we've exposed Christie, right, everyone will see that the deal's not kosher.
But by then it'll be too late.
Bulldozers would have flattened it.
Don't worry.
We'll think of something.
The lady in question.
This policy initiative is about choice.
It's about empowering communities which is something I'm passionate about.
- Doesn't seem so bad.
- You wait till the cameras go off.
OK, here's a list of 30 of the biggest London-based property developers.
Albert, you've got to be one of these people.
There's a lot of aristos.
- Funny that.
- How's your toff, Albert? Not bad if I do say so myself.
What about this guy here? Dave McAsker.
He is Glaswegian.
Do your Gorbals.
I'd hardly be gien the name of a Scot were I nae a Scot myself.
Darren Black, a cockney.
Right, mate.
Darren Black, cockney, hell! Oh, er, look at Sorry.
Right, erm, here.
JJ Kayne.
Billionaire.
There's no images coming up.
Says he's camera-shy, likes to keep himself to himself.
So Christie won't know what he looks like.
But she'll know who he is, though.
Big name in property like that.
If we could convince Christie someone like JJ Kayne would occasionally take the odd shady deal, it would be a great relationship for her to foster.
And Sorry, no offence, Albert, but he qualifies for a bus pass.
Oh.
And look at that.
It It says here that he also happens to be American.
I'd still like to try my cockney.
Give it an old punt, you know.
- JJ Kayne.
- JJ Kayne.
JJ Kayne.
Albert's JJ Kayne, big property developer and your godfather.
Got it.
Looks like I've got a new godfather.
What it's not about, Peter, is, and I make no apology for this, what it's not about is top-down handouts and dependency culture Nervous? Nah.
Thought you might be nervous.
Corridors of power and all that.
Well, the thing you've got to grasp is the electorate's got the welfare and service expectations of a Scandinavian social democracy, coupled with a low tolerance for taxation levels that stray above 25%.
Once you've got that it's a piece of piss.
CV.
A first from Cambridge.
Well, I told you all that hard work and dedication would pay off, didn't I? - What if she follows up the references? - Check the telephone numbers.
They're all yours.
Barrington.
Fine fellow.
Good head on his shoulders.
Play golf with his father.
He's a fine fellow too.
Fine.
You sure you're not nervous? Only your CV is shaking a bit.
All right.
Yeah, I might be a little bit.
You must have been nervous your first time.
Yeah, I was.
Yeah.
But luckily, I had Albert with me.
- He did something took me mind off it.
- Yeah? What did he do? Stamped on me foot.
I was fine after that.
Miss Christie? Could I have a word? - How can I help? - I've followed your career closely.
In fact you are one of my favourite parliamentarians.
Top five.
- Scrap that.
Top three.
- And what do you want? A job as a researcher.
Sorry, I should have said that.
If you can just take a look at my CV Already got a pile of those in my office.
They block the light out.
I thought I'd approach you directly.
Make a positive face-to-face impression? You think that was a good idea? - I took a first in politics from - Now he's reciting his CV to me.
- I've submitted papers - Boring.
- I'm dedicated, proactive, ambitious.
- Don't forget boring.
- I did a two-year MA - Goodbye.
Then I finished my MA.
After which I served a six-month internship at Kayne Holdings.
Kayne Holdings.
How did you swing that one? It wasn't very difficult.
JJ's my godfather.
- He's good friends with my - Follow me.
Two steps behind.
He's with me.
I get in at eight and leave between ten and midnight.
You're here when I arrive and after I go home.
When you're not here, you're on call 24 hours, seven days a week.
That's your desk.
The position is unpaid.
- Sounds very fair.
- It's not supposed to.
I'm in.
Nice one.
Bride and groom only, please.
Hold on.
Big smiles.
- Lovely.
- Sorry I have to postpone the honeymoon.
But I have some business I have to take care of in the country.
I'm sending through her diary now.
Should come in handy.
- She's horrible.
- It's only for a few days.
A few days is a long time in politics, OK? Yeah.
No, JJ, she's not that kind of MP.
Yeah.
Look, I have to go now, OK? All right.
Bye.
I need a two-page precis of this lot, er, within the hour.
Sure.
Sorry about that.
It was JJ.
He got kind of excited when he found out who I was working for.
He's a great guy but a bit old school in his business practices, - if you know what I mean.
- He sounds like a character.
Oh, and, erm one more personal call and you're fired.
If you so much as move another inch, I'll blow your head off your shoulders.
Miriam? Is that any way to greet an old friend? Albert? I've got to get a new prescription for these things.
I might've shot you where you stand.
Now, what can I do for you? You all right? Get this.
I have just done a 12-hour day at work, yeah? What does she go and do? She's given me homework.
Work to do at home after work.
Right, so, difficulties with the old work-life balance, then, eh? Oh, very insightful.
- Where's Emma? - Booth.
No, it's true and she is making me If I had to guess, I'd say those two were - How old? - Not very old.
That's the point.
You stop appreciating the the expertise with the You all right? - Sean.
- Hi.
How's the cut-throat world of political intrigue? Brilliant, yeah.
I thought you could go over the breakdown of the con for me, - seeing as I wasn't around.
- Yeah, good idea.
Have a seat.
Hm.
I'm just gonna get a drink.
Well, Albert will play JJ Kayne, your godfather.
- Yeah.
- And, er, Emma will play Georgia, his wife.
We're just working out how to get into Kayne's office.
- I'll be their personal lawyer.
- Meaning you're in the office with Emma.
And Albert.
That's funny, that, you and Emma working the inside again.
Seems to break down that way a lot, doesn't it, Mick? Only this time you've got me putting in 25-hour days as Christie's personal punchbag.
It's worked out nice for you.
- That's not why - Look, I see what's going on.
- You see it? - Yeah, I see it.
- Do you mind telling me what it is? - Well you seem to be arranging it so you can spend all of your time alone with Emma.
Am I? I'm not messing around, Mick, OK? It's my sister we're talking about here.
I want to know what you've got in mind.
This might be the most old-fashioned conversation I've ever had.
Listen.
I've seen the way you look at her, all right? I'm just warning you.
Keep your distance.
Now, you two get together, fine.
You have your little workplace romance, whatever.
That comes to an end, you're OK to pick up where you left off but she's not.
She needs this and she can't afford for it to go wrong for her, all right? - And don't do that stupid smirky thing.
- I'm not.
- It winds me up.
- I'm smiling genuinely.
I think it's admirable, you looking out for her like that.
Sean, I give you my word.
I will always behave honourably toward your sister.
Admirable, yeah? Yeah, we'll see, won't we, Mick? - Michelle Mae? - It's six o'clock in the morning.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Listen, travel company says you have to have these as early as possible - if you're gonna make the flight.
- Flight? Two-day city break in Madrid.
- Madrid! Oh, party town.
- For two.
Yeah, I didn't book a city break to Madrid.
Well, the tickets are in your name.
I'll tell you what.
These travel companies are always screwing up.
If you don't say anything, then I won't say anything.
Only, you've got two hours to catch that plane.
Cheers.
Shivery.
Yeah.
Pains in my bones.
Don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow either if I'm honest.
Thanks, Troy.
- Gatwick.
- Fast.
Are you sure you can get the position? It's a guy in charge, isn't it? Lovely to meet you, Troy.
I I don't understand how you got here so fast.
Our regular office assistant only just rang in sick.
Well, we're not called Quickie Temps for nothing.
Sorry, is it hot in here or is it me? Don't say both.
I'm just gonna We do need somebody.
However I'm not sure you're suitable.
- Shoes.
- Excuse me? - Prada loafers.
Very nice.
- Thank you.
Christian Louboutin? Oh, what is that? Is that jasmine? - You like? - I adore.
This godfather of yours - Get me a meeting.
- OK.
Only - What? - He doesn't really do meetings.
- Get me the meeting or find a new job.
- Right.
What now? Is that going to count as a personal call? Can I just say this has not been easy to set up.
That's him.
Alex Cooper.
Kayne's lawyer.
Everything goes through Alex.
- JJ said we can have five minutes.
- Why's he talking to Hugh Cannon? Thought I recognised the face.
I'm sorry for coming up to you like this.
Hugh Cannon.
The The Shadow - Development Secretary.
- Bastard.
Is there a way I could make some sort of contribution to party funds? Nothing massive, just a couple of hundred thousand.
He's probably putting out feelers in case there's a change of govern Government? Sorry.
JJ does always say how property's a long-term business.
I'm in printing, for my sins.
So hence all this bumf.
Please ignore.
That's City Side.
JJ's biggest project.
Thirty acres of retail and living complex.
JJ's always banging on about it.
"We'll make millions, my boy.
" The only problem is there's a bunch of listed buildings on the site.
I'll be in touch.
Wonderful to do business with you.
Actually, I probably shouldn't have said that Shut up.
Afternoon.
- Hi, Alex, this is - Rhona Christie, MP.
Yes.
JJ mentioned you.
I work very closely with the Minister for Urban Development.
My department is always keen to explore sites with the potential for regeneration.
Er, let me know if Mr Kayne feels a meeting would be mutually beneficial.
Er, yes, yes.
Of course, erm I will do that.
- This City Side development - I thought we were going to forget that.
It'll create jobs, bring huge benefits to the area.
It's my brief to make things like this happen.
I'm not sure JJ's someone you want to If they're approaching the opposition, I need to move fast.
This development should be a feather in our cap, not the Tories.
Brief me on Kayne.
Everything you know.
- Tough day at the office? - I don't know how people do it.
- Thank you.
- So, when do we go in? There is a window of 43 minutes.
- Sounds specific.
- It is.
Troy told me.
- Troy - Now, according to Troy, old man Kayne is a creature of strict routine.
He stays up late with the global markets, so he doesn't get into the office until 10.
On the dot.
Always.
Morning, Mr Kayne.
He's not a big people person.
He reads the financial papers and talks to his overseas brokers for precisely 182 minutes.
Afternoon, Mr Kayne.
At 1:02 he comes out again.
And he's back in his people carrier by 1:10.
By 1:17 he's tucking into a bowl of French onion soup.
- It's the same soup every day.
- How do you know what soup he has? Nice lunch, Mr Kayne? Get me New York.
Breath.
I do appreciate a strict routine.
We have to get into his offices, take a meeting as JJ Kayne, convince Christie to buy into the deal - and be out again before anyone notices.
- Do you think we can do it in the time? Let's give it a go.
You're looking very groomed.
I've got an interview later for a permanent job.
- Oh.
- I know.
- Don't go.
- Have to.
Morning, Mr Kayne.
Should I call someone? We'll send our best man.
Enjoy your lunch, Mr Kayne.
Hiya.
They said to take this up to, er, Kayne Holdings.
Send him up.
It's here.
- Fifth floor.
- Fifth floor.
Cheers.
Dentist.
Fourth floor.
I've got an interview with Kayne Holdings in about, er, five minutes.
Sorry.
Could I use your bathroom? I'm a bit nervous.
- Sure.
Through to the left.
- Thanks.
I have a 1:20 dental appointment.
- Troy McCabe? - Speaking.
- Flat 2, 194 Cumberland Grove? - That's correct.
Afraid there's been a small blaze at that address, sir.
Yeah, seems someone left a lit candle unattended.
- Oh, my God.
- Don't alarm yourself.
We got it under control.
Most of the damage was to a huge pile of what appear to be interior design magazines.
The Elle Decos.
Take over.
so calm down.
Oh, hello, Mr Kayne.
No, Troy had to step out for a moment, I'm afraid.
Something about his house burning down.
Er, yeah.
Oh, you're coming back? Oh, that soon? Yes, certainly, Mr Kayne.
I'll go and greet them, shall I? - Right.
Out by two.
Remember? - I'll bear that in mind.
Ms Christie.
So pleased we could do this.
- May I introduce Georgia Kayne, JJ's wife.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
Shall we go up? JJ was so eager to meet with you that he cancelled lunch.
That's unheard of.
Alex said you made an excellent first impression.
Everything goes through Alex.
Valentine's Day, 2006.
That was the happiest day of my life.
- How did you two meet? - Well, Alex introduced us.
- And it was love at first sight.
- Charming story.
- Isn't she precious? - Oh, stop.
- Utterly.
- And you should see her in a swimsuit.
- Oh, JJ.
- Oh, come on, now.
Miss Christie is not the shockable type.
- Are you, Miss Christie? - Not at all.
Perhaps we should get straight down to business.
Well, for Kayne Holdings in the coming financial year May I share with you the secret of my success, Miss Christie? - As they say, cut to the chase.
- JJ Alex, it's all right.
I've got a feeling about this one.
Kayne Holdings has got a big development in the pipeline.
City Side.
And there's nothing for you to concern yourself with, you understand? But in order to finance this development, we need money.
And that's where you come in, Miss Christie.
I'm selling land to raise capital.
Lots of it.
But there's this one site I don't like.
It gives me nightmares.
- Somebody put a little warehouse on it.
- It's a listed building.
Meaning you can't knock it down and realise the full value of the land.
Maybe we could make this, er, listing go away, Miss Christie? JJ, as your as your lawyer, I'm advising extreme caution.
Applications on delistings are considered for their social and economic merit.
I see.
Well, suppose somebody put £50,000 in your personal account.
Would that rate as economic merit? If you'd like to make a legitimate case for a delisting I recommend you use the legitimate route, Mr Kayne.
I warned you.
In the circumstance, I think it inappropriate for me to pursue this conversation.
- Well, don't rush off.
You just got here.
- We're so sorry.
Well, if you change your mind, you got Alex's telephone number.
Just give a call.
So, what do you think? I think Ash is right.
She's very good at covering her tracks.
Or we're barking up the wrong tree and Christie's straight after all.
Alex Cooper.
I'd like to speak to Mr Kayne, please, about a warehouse that's giving him problems.
Or not.
His name is Jonas Proctor.
And he very kindly offered to buy my warehouse.
Of course.
Of course! Jonas Proctor.
High-flying property speculator.
He doesn't look very high-flying to me.
Still, he's got a nose for a lucrative investment.
Now, ask me that question again.
"How does Christie get her bungs from developers?" Go on, ask me.
- How does Christie get her bungs? - Legitimate business.
Proctor offered to buy Kayne's warehouse for a hundred grand, right? That's what he said, yeah.
With an option for Kayne to buy back at 50% mark-up in the event - of the warehouse being delisted.
- Right.
- That's how she does it.
- Right, so So, this Jonas bloke is Christie's front.
Look Say Christie's out with one of her property developer friends, right? Developer has a horrible building he wants delisted.
Christie says she will look into the regeneration potential.
Nothing indiscreet.
Keeps her hands clean.
Got it.
- Next thing you know, this guy shows up.
- Jonas Proctor.
In one.
Jonas says, "I believe you're the owner of a horrible listed building.
" Jonas offers him a few hundred K for it.
Now, everyone knows that it was Christie who gave Jonas the nod, but she's long gone.
There is nothing to tie her to the deal.
Now this is the good bit.
All the offers to buy come with an option to buy back at a 50% mark-up if and when the building's delisted.
Christie knows she can get the delisting.
When it goes through, developer buys it back.
Now there's no listed building on it, site's worth millions.
The 50% is Christie's and Proctor's payment.
That's how she gets her bungs.
Case in point.
Guess who the current owner of the Pulse is? - Proctor? - Yeah.
Christie's office has delisted Some perfectly legit but eight of them belong to Jonas Proctor.
Each for no more than three months.
So far he's sold on seven after delisting, netting - A lot.
- If Jonas is keen to buy, we should sell.
Told you there was a con in it.
Easy money.
Mr Proctor? JJ Kayne.
Look, I'd like to take you up on your little offer.
Candy from a baby.
And now you're going to explain to me how all this saves the Pulse.
Where the hell have you been? I've got less than 24 hours or my legal team goes AWOL.
Yeah, well, we meant to phone but this is our busiest time of year, you see.
Now, listen, I've got a little project that I want to talk to you about.
So, what do you think? - So, that's your plan? - Well, I reckon you'll see results.
No land searches, title deeds, any of that stuff? Well, I'm more a hands-on sort of lawyer, you know.
What makes you think I'm going to let you put my kids on a chain gang? You never know.
Might make a nice change from yoga and poetry.
Well, come on.
What are you frightened of? They're shovels.
They won't bite.
You don't seem like a very conventional lawyer to me.
- No, that's me.
Unconventional.
- Where was it you studied again? What, law? Well, you know.
- University of Life.
- Oh, I knew it.
Formerly known as the Polytechnic of Hard Knocks.
I don't believe this.
I've got one day to save this centre and my lawyers aren't even lawyers.
- What do I tell these kids? - Maybe tell them you went down the official route, it didn't work.
Maybe tell them that's life.
And while you're at it, maybe you should tell them to pick up a shovel.
So kind of you to agree to meet with me again, Miss Christie.
I hope you forgave my earlier blunt approach.
The minister agreed with my assessment.
The warehouse site's a good candidate for fast-tracking.
You can clear the site and start rebuilding within six months.
I commend your efficiency.
I'm sure the project will offer extensive benefits to the community.
Why haven't you come to me about City Side? That's your largest scale project.
That's what the capital's for.
You've seen what I can do.
I can delist anything on the site.
I'm afraid we already have some commitments on that score.
From Hugh Cannon? Oh, we thought it was wise to speak to Mr Cannon since he may be assuming your responsibilities in the not-too-distant future.
What if I told you I could get every listed building on that site delisted within a month? I'd prevail upon you not to.
I'm so sorry you read too much into our arrangement.
Time to say goodbye.
My six o'clock.
You may want to take your leave, ma'am.
Jonas! I understand you want to buy an old warehouse, right? £100,000.
- Whoo! - Nice grift.
Beautifully planned and ably executed.
Yeah, we should probably cash that.
We close the account in an hour.
- Phase one complete.
- Nice lawyer, by the way.
Oh, thank you very much.
Nice younger wife temporarily trapped in a loveless marriage of convenience.
I thought so.
You know, that that dinner we talked about? Vaguely.
How does tonight sound? Ed, if I never see another politician again, it'll be too soon.
Right, right.
Feelings of job dissatisfaction, eh? Yeah, I know.
I see that a lot.
This feels strange.
I think we've waited long enough, don't you? I suppose.
Some excellent work coming out of your office, Rhona.
And it's not just me saying that.
The right people are noticing your efforts in this.
How gratifying.
It's so exciting to finally be getting our message across on regeneration as the way forward for our inner cities.
Oh, I agree, erm Would you excuse me for a moment, Minister? I've just seen a constituent I should greet.
Rhona Christie's assistant.
I'm in the restaurant with the minister.
Get a camera down here now.
Over here.
Looks like Uncle JJ's trophy wife just stepped out of the trophy cabinet.
You don't think they're Hammer and tong.
Look at them all over each other.
Looks like it's going to be a productive night.
Get these printed out and bring them back to me here.
- Nice evening? - Yeah, not bad.
I found these.
Reckon someone else has seen them and all.
- Where's Sean? - I don't know.
He's not in his room.
He's not answering his phone either.
Where is he? Sean, listen.
I don't want to hear it.
If you don't need me any more, then fine, I'm gone.
- Let us explain.
- Don't even speak to me, - cos you made me a promise and you lied.
- Wait.
Whatever happened to us looking out for each other? What happened to that? You didn't even tell me.
Sean, there is nothing between me and Mickey, all right? - That was Georgia and Alex.
- Yeah, right.
- It was part of the con.
- I know what I saw.
You're out with your boyfriend celebrating how clever you are.
Meanwhile, the woman we've just stung is sitting three tables away.
Bravo, you're not so clever any more, are you? Sean, she's wearing a ring.
- What? - Emma is wearing Georgia's wedding ring.
She's in character.
Details.
You weren't supposed to be there.
It was for Christie to see.
We knew she was a hard taskmaster but we didn't think she'd call you to bring her a camera.
No.
No, the con was over.
She already got that Jonas guy to give us the 100,000.
Yes, we got our money.
But we had to think of a way to save the youth club.
Candy from a baby.
And now you're going to explain to me how all of this helps the Pulse.
It doesn't.
Look, Sean.
The con showed us how she operates but we needed a new plan that would make Christie incriminate herself.
- Power.
- What? That's what Christie wants.
Makes her think she's in control.
It's the only way she's going to drop her guard.
- How are we going to do that? - Bait.
You and I have to convince Christie that we are involved.
- Gives her leverage.
- With that feeling of power she will incriminate herself and we will use that to save the Pulse.
Where will Christie be tonight? Hello.
Yes, I'd like to make a reservation.
Table for two, 7:30pm this evening.
Under the name of Alex Cooper.
When she saw Georgia and Alex together, she felt She felt that she had one over on us.
This feels strange.
I think we've waited long enough, don't you? I suppose.
Did she see? Erm, no.
- Oh, for God's sake.
- I know.
She had Georgia and Alex exactly where she wanted them.
- It was part of the con? - It was part of the con.
You and Mickey were bait? Yes, we, erm Sean, it was horrible.
- So, nothing actually - Oh, God.
No! - No, nothing.
- Don't be absurd.
Macadamia? Sean, you've made such an issue of me spending time with your sister.
- You can be quite arsey, Sean.
- Yeah, it's scary.
That can jeopardise a con.
It was to get Christie.
Well, now that's completely cleared up.
Mm-hm.
Forever.
Oh, by the way, erm, today is not your last day in Christie's office.
What? Bulldozers are still due at 9:30.
Could be worse.
He could be shagging your sister.
Still can't believe I thought you two were, er Thanks for coming.
I thought we'd be more comfortable meeting here.
Away from JJ.
You can come up now.
Seems like everything really does go through Alex.
These photographs could kill JJ.
Though probably not before he made some amendments to his will.
And I don't suppose they'd play very well in the divorce courts either.
And I can't imagine what they'd do to your reputation as a personal lawyer.
All right, OK.
What What - What do you want? Money? - I do want money.
Once the City Side development goes ahead, it'll be worth millions.
What I'm asking for is quite modest in comparison.
500,000.
There is no way we can give you that amount of money.
- Not without JJ noticing.
- Oh, I think you do a lot without JJ noticing.
We'd have to account for that kind of outgoing on our books.
Sell me a plot on the edge of the site.
Say 50,000.
After Hugh Cannon's delisted it, you buy it back for 600.
If JJ asks, tell him it was an oversight.
There was a small leasehold that someone forgot to buy out.
Wait.
50,000 in exchange for 600,000? There's no way What about this situation gives you the impression you're in a position to negotiate? OK OK.
Say, erm, we did sell you a plot of land Well, you're an MP.
You can't be seen to be mixed up in this kind of thing.
You're not actually thinking of letting her do this? - I don't think we have a choice.
- Alex.
- No.
- If JJ sees those photos, it's over.
So, tell me.
How how do you, er how do you give us that money without it being traceable back to you? Same way I always do.
Jonas wants to give you a bank draft of £50,000.
I don't understand.
He works for me, stupid.
I tell Jonas what to buy, I delist it, he sells it, we split the profits 80-20.
- She just called me stupid.
- I know, I know.
- You should really tell your brother.
- Your brother? Get out.
This meeting is private.
He works for me, stupid.
I tell Jonas what to buy, I delist it, he sells it, we split the profits 80-20.
You really shouldn't talk about my sister like that.
Or confess to high-level corruption on tape.
You bugged my office.
Well, I told you I was proactive.
- Are you sure this is going to work? - Works every time.
- Think it'll work? - I don't know.
It was your idea.
You can't blackmail me with any of this.
Bugging an MP's office, offering bribes to an elected official.
If I go down, you do too.
Yes.
Yes, probably.
But the question you should be asking yourself really is, erm, are we willing to run that risk in order to do the right thing? That's called conviction politics.
Let's do it.
What do you want? We want a property you told Jonas to buy.
The Pulse.
We'd like that, please.
I'm afraid you're too late.
The bulldozers go in at half past nine.
We may have bought a little extra time there.
Good Lord! A natterjack toad.
I'm almost certain that's a protected species.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
The 1994 Conservation Regulations make it an offence to kill, capture, or disturb a protected species I think.
Look, Miss Christie.
My guess is you didn't go into politics to steal from your constituents.
Might be that at some point you even wanted to help them.
If you can remember that far back.
So, we would like to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
It's also an offence to damage or destroy the breeding site or resting ground of such an animal.
I can't imagine where their breeding grounds might be.
Stop the work.
Stop the work.
It worked.
I can't believe it worked.
Come on, wake up, Emma.
Don't let it overflow.
Sam, watch it with that fork, yeah? Lennie, here are the frogs.
- They're not frogs, they're toads.
- Oh.
There you go.
No, don't worry.
We'll think of something.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Only if you're thinking let's buy extra time by borrowing some endangered frogs from my friend Miriam.
Now, what can I do for you? - I'm looking for some frogs.
- No frogs here.
Got some toads if you'd like.
The old toad breeding scam, eh? Right, guys.
Watch out for the frogs.
Don't don't step on the frogs.
Toads.
Don't Don't step on the Don't step on the toads.
Right.
Let's do this.
OK.
My government is committed to fostering a business culture grounded in community responsibility.
The Prime Minister, you may remember, has spoken about the need to revive a tradition of philanthropy in this country.
And that's why it's so gratifying to be able to announce the gifting of this fine centre by Jonas Proctor to the community.
We just got our club back.
You guys, thanks.
What do I owe you? We've, erm We've covered our costs on this one.
£100,000.
Yeah, nice grift.
Yeah, once again, guys, thanks.
Yeah, you might be able to start those yoga lessons now.
What happened to short sharp shocks, Ash? - Bollocks.
- Are you becoming a do-gooding liberal? I'm not saying anything without a lawyer present.
Mickey told me what you said.
Are you still looking out for your big sister? - Yeah, I am.
- You I was thinking about this fake affair.
Out of curiosity, whose idea was it? - Well, it's tricky actually to remember - In a brainstorming situation like that.
- Brainstorming? - I think it's time for us to make a move.
Yes, good idea.
We're probably a bad influence on these kids.
Wait.
Is that Shanice coming over? She looks pretty angry.
Yeah, very funny.
James, put it there.
- Bloody good doing business with you.
- Bloody good doing business with you! I love this bloody guy.
See you in Brunei, Jago.
The Sultan is expecting you.
Your people can start work on the palace extension any time.
And don't forget the sunscreen.
- Told you, they're all bloody bonkers.
- See you, chaps.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, bye.
I can't believe they fell for it.
- Yeah.
- Easy money.
Right, then, let's, er, get this place back to how it was.
Sean, mantelpiece.
I mean, those blokes were dim.
That was like taking candy from a baby.
Yeah.
I never really saw the job satisfaction in taking candy from a baby.
Or the fun.
- Fun? - Yeah.
Well, it's no fun when they're that thick, is it? I mean, it bloody spoils it.
Henley and Darlow Solicitors? - Yes.
- Only there was no one at reception.
- That's because we're in here.
- Spring cleaning.
- So, what can we do for you? - I need an injunction fast.
I run this youth club, like a drop-in centre for problem kids.
- In four days it's going to be levelled.
- That's not really our field.
You see, this club, it's in a disused church, a listed building.
Now some speculator buys it, he says he's going to knock it down.
Yeah, that's terrible.
But, to tell you the truth, - we're more divorce - Work-related injuries.
based.
Yeah, yeah.
I get you, mate.
Just like all the other law firms I've been talking to.
- Afraid to take on the big boys, right? - That's us, typical law firm.
So, if you're ever injured by your ex-wife, er, give us a call.
- Yellow Pages out there in front of the - Wait! We may be able to help.
You see, the thing is, we haven't got time for "may be".
I mean, which is it? You gonna take the case or not? Listen, I survived out there long enough to learn one thing.
Kids who go down drop-in centres are scary.
- You think there's a mark in it? - Not sure.
I think we should go down to his youth club, the Pulse.
Hear some more.
- Couldn't hurt.
- Couldn't hurt? It's in Poplar.
Sounds fascinatingly urban.
Let me know how it goes.
You know, we've got four or five pool tables, erm, music.
Jalon? J.
Yeah.
Er, we've got arts and crafts here.
Once a week, we have, er, creative writer's workshops.
If they want to, the kids can hang their stuff up on the lines or on the boards.
We were looking for a yoga teacher but we couldn't really Yeah, I see that look a lot.
And then I show people the offending rates for our club users.
One-third the average for inner cities.
I mean, these kids come to us - That's some pretty good stuff.
- Yeah.
Who'd have thought so many things rhyme with Glock nine mil.
We try to get them to express themselves in in different ways.
And maybe they can resolve issues without violence.
You making fun of my poem? No.
Is that your poem? No.
If anything, I would say it was interesting.
- Shanice.
- Could I just get past? - Don't make fun of my poem.
- Shanice.
- How did he get by on the streets? - He had a lot of help.
Shanice, just just do the breathing thing, Shanice, OK? She is crazy.
You know what the real problem is.
- Can we leave? Soon.
- Lack of discipline.
These kids have never done a decent day's work in their life.
Hard manual labour.
That's what they need.
Is that what you did at their age, Ash? Not a stroke, and look how I turned out.
Sorry about that.
Shanice is making real progress in her anger management.
Look, guys, we thought we were set - listed building, nobody would touch it.
Even when the lease ran out and the council put the place up for sale, we weren't worried.
Then we find out that they sell the place to some speculator.
Oh, dear.
They said our cheque got lost in the system.
Two weeks after that, the listing is lifted.
Come on, that's got to be dodgy, right? How come you've never gone public about this? Well, I was going to.
I had a campaign organised and everything.
Our local MP, Rhona Christie.
She convinced me to call it off.
Said she'd find us a building.
Everyone would be happy.
And? She stopped returning our calls.
That was the last we heard from her.
- Well, I say we help them.
- You must be joking.
That place does not need saving, it needs a fence put round it to keep the kids in.
Weren't you listening? Politicians, speculators, dodgy property deals.
Sounds like a gift from the grifting gods.
Seriously, Albert.
There was this girl Yeah, but this speculator, he wouldn't have bought a listed building on a hunch.
He must've known he could get the listing lifted.
But who'd tell him? That's insider dealing - kind of thing you can get locked up for.
Maybe the same person that persuaded Lennie to drop their campaign.
The MP? - Research? - Research.
What? Er, that's the real Big Ben there? - It's over there.
That's it there.
- Thank you.
Sorry? Do you know what you can do with sorry? Get a cardboard box, put sorry in there.
Then go to your desk and put the rest of your crap in there with it and get out of my office! Rhona Christie.
Career politician.
Took a marginal seat promising to speak up for the man and woman in the street, preserve ethics and integrity in public life.
Built a reputation as a conscientious MP.
Well thought of in the party.
Four years on, she is someone of influence in the construction industry.
Christie is a key member of the team behind the Minister for Urban Development.
Her job is to streamline the regulatory process - and accelerate economic growth.
- What's that? She picks projects to fast-track, then she makes them happen.
It means that she can bypass planners, environmentalists That's a lot of influence.
That's why she has got every construction bigwig in the country fawning over her.
And she uses that influence to help them put up the new buildings.
Or better still, it lets them tear down the old ones.
If they've got a listed building on a site they own, it means they can't develop.
That's why Christie is their fairy godmother.
With a wave of her wand, she turns worthless property into prime real estate.
And you think she delisted the Pulse? She was in the room when it happened.
- But that doesn't prove - She's right.
Christie is not stupid.
She's not going to leave evidence lying around, is she? If she is taking bungs, then the question is how do they get the money from the developer to her? - Brown envelopes.
- Not these days.
Too risky.
MPs know that the bloke with the brown envelope's got a chance of being an undercover journalist.
Developers can't expose themselves either.
They've got to account for their outgoings.
All right, fine.
We give up.
- How? - No idea.
I've drawn a blank.
However Christie is covering her tracks, she is very good at it.
The only way we're gonna find out how she does her deals is to offer her one.
If she is dodgy, we'll find out.
Yes.
Yes.
General election is not far off.
She's got to be looking for one last big payday.
First we find a property developer, borrow their identity, make Christie believe they're offering bungs for a quick delisting.
Then we get ourselves into the developer's place of business and close the deal.
That's all? No, not quite.
Before that we have to get someone into Christie's office.
Sadly her and her researcher have had a parting of the ways.
Apparently, she goes through them at the rate of one a week.
Chews them up, spits 'em out.
So, who do we know that's bite-sized? We would like you to apply for the post of researcher.
Me? Why me? Because you have an impressive ability to absorb and apply new information.
And you're the only one of us who could pass for some spod straight out of uni.
- But I don't know anything about politics.
- That's all right.
Picked you up some background reading.
Could be a long afternoon.
Make sure you get your head round those by the morning.
Got to get the details right.
Wouldn't want you getting spat out too soon.
- Eddie's anyone? - Yeah, what a lovely idea that is.
Don't work too hard.
- You're concerned.
- Ah, she is concerned.
See.
Unless I'm very much mistaken, Emma here is a bit anxious about how her little brother's going to get on in the murky world of politics.
Actually, that isn't what I was concerned about.
- Right.
- What I was thinking was, the demolition men get to work on the Pulse on Friday, right? That's in three days.
So, even if this all comes off and we work out how Christie is making money and how we con her and all that how does that save the Pulse? It's more or less what I was saying, really.
After we've exposed Christie, right, everyone will see that the deal's not kosher.
But by then it'll be too late.
Bulldozers would have flattened it.
Don't worry.
We'll think of something.
The lady in question.
This policy initiative is about choice.
It's about empowering communities which is something I'm passionate about.
- Doesn't seem so bad.
- You wait till the cameras go off.
OK, here's a list of 30 of the biggest London-based property developers.
Albert, you've got to be one of these people.
There's a lot of aristos.
- Funny that.
- How's your toff, Albert? Not bad if I do say so myself.
What about this guy here? Dave McAsker.
He is Glaswegian.
Do your Gorbals.
I'd hardly be gien the name of a Scot were I nae a Scot myself.
Darren Black, a cockney.
Right, mate.
Darren Black, cockney, hell! Oh, er, look at Sorry.
Right, erm, here.
JJ Kayne.
Billionaire.
There's no images coming up.
Says he's camera-shy, likes to keep himself to himself.
So Christie won't know what he looks like.
But she'll know who he is, though.
Big name in property like that.
If we could convince Christie someone like JJ Kayne would occasionally take the odd shady deal, it would be a great relationship for her to foster.
And Sorry, no offence, Albert, but he qualifies for a bus pass.
Oh.
And look at that.
It It says here that he also happens to be American.
I'd still like to try my cockney.
Give it an old punt, you know.
- JJ Kayne.
- JJ Kayne.
JJ Kayne.
Albert's JJ Kayne, big property developer and your godfather.
Got it.
Looks like I've got a new godfather.
What it's not about, Peter, is, and I make no apology for this, what it's not about is top-down handouts and dependency culture Nervous? Nah.
Thought you might be nervous.
Corridors of power and all that.
Well, the thing you've got to grasp is the electorate's got the welfare and service expectations of a Scandinavian social democracy, coupled with a low tolerance for taxation levels that stray above 25%.
Once you've got that it's a piece of piss.
CV.
A first from Cambridge.
Well, I told you all that hard work and dedication would pay off, didn't I? - What if she follows up the references? - Check the telephone numbers.
They're all yours.
Barrington.
Fine fellow.
Good head on his shoulders.
Play golf with his father.
He's a fine fellow too.
Fine.
You sure you're not nervous? Only your CV is shaking a bit.
All right.
Yeah, I might be a little bit.
You must have been nervous your first time.
Yeah, I was.
Yeah.
But luckily, I had Albert with me.
- He did something took me mind off it.
- Yeah? What did he do? Stamped on me foot.
I was fine after that.
Miss Christie? Could I have a word? - How can I help? - I've followed your career closely.
In fact you are one of my favourite parliamentarians.
Top five.
- Scrap that.
Top three.
- And what do you want? A job as a researcher.
Sorry, I should have said that.
If you can just take a look at my CV Already got a pile of those in my office.
They block the light out.
I thought I'd approach you directly.
Make a positive face-to-face impression? You think that was a good idea? - I took a first in politics from - Now he's reciting his CV to me.
- I've submitted papers - Boring.
- I'm dedicated, proactive, ambitious.
- Don't forget boring.
- I did a two-year MA - Goodbye.
Then I finished my MA.
After which I served a six-month internship at Kayne Holdings.
Kayne Holdings.
How did you swing that one? It wasn't very difficult.
JJ's my godfather.
- He's good friends with my - Follow me.
Two steps behind.
He's with me.
I get in at eight and leave between ten and midnight.
You're here when I arrive and after I go home.
When you're not here, you're on call 24 hours, seven days a week.
That's your desk.
The position is unpaid.
- Sounds very fair.
- It's not supposed to.
I'm in.
Nice one.
Bride and groom only, please.
Hold on.
Big smiles.
- Lovely.
- Sorry I have to postpone the honeymoon.
But I have some business I have to take care of in the country.
I'm sending through her diary now.
Should come in handy.
- She's horrible.
- It's only for a few days.
A few days is a long time in politics, OK? Yeah.
No, JJ, she's not that kind of MP.
Yeah.
Look, I have to go now, OK? All right.
Bye.
I need a two-page precis of this lot, er, within the hour.
Sure.
Sorry about that.
It was JJ.
He got kind of excited when he found out who I was working for.
He's a great guy but a bit old school in his business practices, - if you know what I mean.
- He sounds like a character.
Oh, and, erm one more personal call and you're fired.
If you so much as move another inch, I'll blow your head off your shoulders.
Miriam? Is that any way to greet an old friend? Albert? I've got to get a new prescription for these things.
I might've shot you where you stand.
Now, what can I do for you? You all right? Get this.
I have just done a 12-hour day at work, yeah? What does she go and do? She's given me homework.
Work to do at home after work.
Right, so, difficulties with the old work-life balance, then, eh? Oh, very insightful.
- Where's Emma? - Booth.
No, it's true and she is making me If I had to guess, I'd say those two were - How old? - Not very old.
That's the point.
You stop appreciating the the expertise with the You all right? - Sean.
- Hi.
How's the cut-throat world of political intrigue? Brilliant, yeah.
I thought you could go over the breakdown of the con for me, - seeing as I wasn't around.
- Yeah, good idea.
Have a seat.
Hm.
I'm just gonna get a drink.
Well, Albert will play JJ Kayne, your godfather.
- Yeah.
- And, er, Emma will play Georgia, his wife.
We're just working out how to get into Kayne's office.
- I'll be their personal lawyer.
- Meaning you're in the office with Emma.
And Albert.
That's funny, that, you and Emma working the inside again.
Seems to break down that way a lot, doesn't it, Mick? Only this time you've got me putting in 25-hour days as Christie's personal punchbag.
It's worked out nice for you.
- That's not why - Look, I see what's going on.
- You see it? - Yeah, I see it.
- Do you mind telling me what it is? - Well you seem to be arranging it so you can spend all of your time alone with Emma.
Am I? I'm not messing around, Mick, OK? It's my sister we're talking about here.
I want to know what you've got in mind.
This might be the most old-fashioned conversation I've ever had.
Listen.
I've seen the way you look at her, all right? I'm just warning you.
Keep your distance.
Now, you two get together, fine.
You have your little workplace romance, whatever.
That comes to an end, you're OK to pick up where you left off but she's not.
She needs this and she can't afford for it to go wrong for her, all right? - And don't do that stupid smirky thing.
- I'm not.
- It winds me up.
- I'm smiling genuinely.
I think it's admirable, you looking out for her like that.
Sean, I give you my word.
I will always behave honourably toward your sister.
Admirable, yeah? Yeah, we'll see, won't we, Mick? - Michelle Mae? - It's six o'clock in the morning.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Listen, travel company says you have to have these as early as possible - if you're gonna make the flight.
- Flight? Two-day city break in Madrid.
- Madrid! Oh, party town.
- For two.
Yeah, I didn't book a city break to Madrid.
Well, the tickets are in your name.
I'll tell you what.
These travel companies are always screwing up.
If you don't say anything, then I won't say anything.
Only, you've got two hours to catch that plane.
Cheers.
Shivery.
Yeah.
Pains in my bones.
Don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow either if I'm honest.
Thanks, Troy.
- Gatwick.
- Fast.
Are you sure you can get the position? It's a guy in charge, isn't it? Lovely to meet you, Troy.
I I don't understand how you got here so fast.
Our regular office assistant only just rang in sick.
Well, we're not called Quickie Temps for nothing.
Sorry, is it hot in here or is it me? Don't say both.
I'm just gonna We do need somebody.
However I'm not sure you're suitable.
- Shoes.
- Excuse me? - Prada loafers.
Very nice.
- Thank you.
Christian Louboutin? Oh, what is that? Is that jasmine? - You like? - I adore.
This godfather of yours - Get me a meeting.
- OK.
Only - What? - He doesn't really do meetings.
- Get me the meeting or find a new job.
- Right.
What now? Is that going to count as a personal call? Can I just say this has not been easy to set up.
That's him.
Alex Cooper.
Kayne's lawyer.
Everything goes through Alex.
- JJ said we can have five minutes.
- Why's he talking to Hugh Cannon? Thought I recognised the face.
I'm sorry for coming up to you like this.
Hugh Cannon.
The The Shadow - Development Secretary.
- Bastard.
Is there a way I could make some sort of contribution to party funds? Nothing massive, just a couple of hundred thousand.
He's probably putting out feelers in case there's a change of govern Government? Sorry.
JJ does always say how property's a long-term business.
I'm in printing, for my sins.
So hence all this bumf.
Please ignore.
That's City Side.
JJ's biggest project.
Thirty acres of retail and living complex.
JJ's always banging on about it.
"We'll make millions, my boy.
" The only problem is there's a bunch of listed buildings on the site.
I'll be in touch.
Wonderful to do business with you.
Actually, I probably shouldn't have said that Shut up.
Afternoon.
- Hi, Alex, this is - Rhona Christie, MP.
Yes.
JJ mentioned you.
I work very closely with the Minister for Urban Development.
My department is always keen to explore sites with the potential for regeneration.
Er, let me know if Mr Kayne feels a meeting would be mutually beneficial.
Er, yes, yes.
Of course, erm I will do that.
- This City Side development - I thought we were going to forget that.
It'll create jobs, bring huge benefits to the area.
It's my brief to make things like this happen.
I'm not sure JJ's someone you want to If they're approaching the opposition, I need to move fast.
This development should be a feather in our cap, not the Tories.
Brief me on Kayne.
Everything you know.
- Tough day at the office? - I don't know how people do it.
- Thank you.
- So, when do we go in? There is a window of 43 minutes.
- Sounds specific.
- It is.
Troy told me.
- Troy - Now, according to Troy, old man Kayne is a creature of strict routine.
He stays up late with the global markets, so he doesn't get into the office until 10.
On the dot.
Always.
Morning, Mr Kayne.
He's not a big people person.
He reads the financial papers and talks to his overseas brokers for precisely 182 minutes.
Afternoon, Mr Kayne.
At 1:02 he comes out again.
And he's back in his people carrier by 1:10.
By 1:17 he's tucking into a bowl of French onion soup.
- It's the same soup every day.
- How do you know what soup he has? Nice lunch, Mr Kayne? Get me New York.
Breath.
I do appreciate a strict routine.
We have to get into his offices, take a meeting as JJ Kayne, convince Christie to buy into the deal - and be out again before anyone notices.
- Do you think we can do it in the time? Let's give it a go.
You're looking very groomed.
I've got an interview later for a permanent job.
- Oh.
- I know.
- Don't go.
- Have to.
Morning, Mr Kayne.
Should I call someone? We'll send our best man.
Enjoy your lunch, Mr Kayne.
Hiya.
They said to take this up to, er, Kayne Holdings.
Send him up.
It's here.
- Fifth floor.
- Fifth floor.
Cheers.
Dentist.
Fourth floor.
I've got an interview with Kayne Holdings in about, er, five minutes.
Sorry.
Could I use your bathroom? I'm a bit nervous.
- Sure.
Through to the left.
- Thanks.
I have a 1:20 dental appointment.
- Troy McCabe? - Speaking.
- Flat 2, 194 Cumberland Grove? - That's correct.
Afraid there's been a small blaze at that address, sir.
Yeah, seems someone left a lit candle unattended.
- Oh, my God.
- Don't alarm yourself.
We got it under control.
Most of the damage was to a huge pile of what appear to be interior design magazines.
The Elle Decos.
Take over.
so calm down.
Oh, hello, Mr Kayne.
No, Troy had to step out for a moment, I'm afraid.
Something about his house burning down.
Er, yeah.
Oh, you're coming back? Oh, that soon? Yes, certainly, Mr Kayne.
I'll go and greet them, shall I? - Right.
Out by two.
Remember? - I'll bear that in mind.
Ms Christie.
So pleased we could do this.
- May I introduce Georgia Kayne, JJ's wife.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
Shall we go up? JJ was so eager to meet with you that he cancelled lunch.
That's unheard of.
Alex said you made an excellent first impression.
Everything goes through Alex.
Valentine's Day, 2006.
That was the happiest day of my life.
- How did you two meet? - Well, Alex introduced us.
- And it was love at first sight.
- Charming story.
- Isn't she precious? - Oh, stop.
- Utterly.
- And you should see her in a swimsuit.
- Oh, JJ.
- Oh, come on, now.
Miss Christie is not the shockable type.
- Are you, Miss Christie? - Not at all.
Perhaps we should get straight down to business.
Well, for Kayne Holdings in the coming financial year May I share with you the secret of my success, Miss Christie? - As they say, cut to the chase.
- JJ Alex, it's all right.
I've got a feeling about this one.
Kayne Holdings has got a big development in the pipeline.
City Side.
And there's nothing for you to concern yourself with, you understand? But in order to finance this development, we need money.
And that's where you come in, Miss Christie.
I'm selling land to raise capital.
Lots of it.
But there's this one site I don't like.
It gives me nightmares.
- Somebody put a little warehouse on it.
- It's a listed building.
Meaning you can't knock it down and realise the full value of the land.
Maybe we could make this, er, listing go away, Miss Christie? JJ, as your as your lawyer, I'm advising extreme caution.
Applications on delistings are considered for their social and economic merit.
I see.
Well, suppose somebody put £50,000 in your personal account.
Would that rate as economic merit? If you'd like to make a legitimate case for a delisting I recommend you use the legitimate route, Mr Kayne.
I warned you.
In the circumstance, I think it inappropriate for me to pursue this conversation.
- Well, don't rush off.
You just got here.
- We're so sorry.
Well, if you change your mind, you got Alex's telephone number.
Just give a call.
So, what do you think? I think Ash is right.
She's very good at covering her tracks.
Or we're barking up the wrong tree and Christie's straight after all.
Alex Cooper.
I'd like to speak to Mr Kayne, please, about a warehouse that's giving him problems.
Or not.
His name is Jonas Proctor.
And he very kindly offered to buy my warehouse.
Of course.
Of course! Jonas Proctor.
High-flying property speculator.
He doesn't look very high-flying to me.
Still, he's got a nose for a lucrative investment.
Now, ask me that question again.
"How does Christie get her bungs from developers?" Go on, ask me.
- How does Christie get her bungs? - Legitimate business.
Proctor offered to buy Kayne's warehouse for a hundred grand, right? That's what he said, yeah.
With an option for Kayne to buy back at 50% mark-up in the event - of the warehouse being delisted.
- Right.
- That's how she does it.
- Right, so So, this Jonas bloke is Christie's front.
Look Say Christie's out with one of her property developer friends, right? Developer has a horrible building he wants delisted.
Christie says she will look into the regeneration potential.
Nothing indiscreet.
Keeps her hands clean.
Got it.
- Next thing you know, this guy shows up.
- Jonas Proctor.
In one.
Jonas says, "I believe you're the owner of a horrible listed building.
" Jonas offers him a few hundred K for it.
Now, everyone knows that it was Christie who gave Jonas the nod, but she's long gone.
There is nothing to tie her to the deal.
Now this is the good bit.
All the offers to buy come with an option to buy back at a 50% mark-up if and when the building's delisted.
Christie knows she can get the delisting.
When it goes through, developer buys it back.
Now there's no listed building on it, site's worth millions.
The 50% is Christie's and Proctor's payment.
That's how she gets her bungs.
Case in point.
Guess who the current owner of the Pulse is? - Proctor? - Yeah.
Christie's office has delisted Some perfectly legit but eight of them belong to Jonas Proctor.
Each for no more than three months.
So far he's sold on seven after delisting, netting - A lot.
- If Jonas is keen to buy, we should sell.
Told you there was a con in it.
Easy money.
Mr Proctor? JJ Kayne.
Look, I'd like to take you up on your little offer.
Candy from a baby.
And now you're going to explain to me how all this saves the Pulse.
Where the hell have you been? I've got less than 24 hours or my legal team goes AWOL.
Yeah, well, we meant to phone but this is our busiest time of year, you see.
Now, listen, I've got a little project that I want to talk to you about.
So, what do you think? - So, that's your plan? - Well, I reckon you'll see results.
No land searches, title deeds, any of that stuff? Well, I'm more a hands-on sort of lawyer, you know.
What makes you think I'm going to let you put my kids on a chain gang? You never know.
Might make a nice change from yoga and poetry.
Well, come on.
What are you frightened of? They're shovels.
They won't bite.
You don't seem like a very conventional lawyer to me.
- No, that's me.
Unconventional.
- Where was it you studied again? What, law? Well, you know.
- University of Life.
- Oh, I knew it.
Formerly known as the Polytechnic of Hard Knocks.
I don't believe this.
I've got one day to save this centre and my lawyers aren't even lawyers.
- What do I tell these kids? - Maybe tell them you went down the official route, it didn't work.
Maybe tell them that's life.
And while you're at it, maybe you should tell them to pick up a shovel.
So kind of you to agree to meet with me again, Miss Christie.
I hope you forgave my earlier blunt approach.
The minister agreed with my assessment.
The warehouse site's a good candidate for fast-tracking.
You can clear the site and start rebuilding within six months.
I commend your efficiency.
I'm sure the project will offer extensive benefits to the community.
Why haven't you come to me about City Side? That's your largest scale project.
That's what the capital's for.
You've seen what I can do.
I can delist anything on the site.
I'm afraid we already have some commitments on that score.
From Hugh Cannon? Oh, we thought it was wise to speak to Mr Cannon since he may be assuming your responsibilities in the not-too-distant future.
What if I told you I could get every listed building on that site delisted within a month? I'd prevail upon you not to.
I'm so sorry you read too much into our arrangement.
Time to say goodbye.
My six o'clock.
You may want to take your leave, ma'am.
Jonas! I understand you want to buy an old warehouse, right? £100,000.
- Whoo! - Nice grift.
Beautifully planned and ably executed.
Yeah, we should probably cash that.
We close the account in an hour.
- Phase one complete.
- Nice lawyer, by the way.
Oh, thank you very much.
Nice younger wife temporarily trapped in a loveless marriage of convenience.
I thought so.
You know, that that dinner we talked about? Vaguely.
How does tonight sound? Ed, if I never see another politician again, it'll be too soon.
Right, right.
Feelings of job dissatisfaction, eh? Yeah, I know.
I see that a lot.
This feels strange.
I think we've waited long enough, don't you? I suppose.
Some excellent work coming out of your office, Rhona.
And it's not just me saying that.
The right people are noticing your efforts in this.
How gratifying.
It's so exciting to finally be getting our message across on regeneration as the way forward for our inner cities.
Oh, I agree, erm Would you excuse me for a moment, Minister? I've just seen a constituent I should greet.
Rhona Christie's assistant.
I'm in the restaurant with the minister.
Get a camera down here now.
Over here.
Looks like Uncle JJ's trophy wife just stepped out of the trophy cabinet.
You don't think they're Hammer and tong.
Look at them all over each other.
Looks like it's going to be a productive night.
Get these printed out and bring them back to me here.
- Nice evening? - Yeah, not bad.
I found these.
Reckon someone else has seen them and all.
- Where's Sean? - I don't know.
He's not in his room.
He's not answering his phone either.
Where is he? Sean, listen.
I don't want to hear it.
If you don't need me any more, then fine, I'm gone.
- Let us explain.
- Don't even speak to me, - cos you made me a promise and you lied.
- Wait.
Whatever happened to us looking out for each other? What happened to that? You didn't even tell me.
Sean, there is nothing between me and Mickey, all right? - That was Georgia and Alex.
- Yeah, right.
- It was part of the con.
- I know what I saw.
You're out with your boyfriend celebrating how clever you are.
Meanwhile, the woman we've just stung is sitting three tables away.
Bravo, you're not so clever any more, are you? Sean, she's wearing a ring.
- What? - Emma is wearing Georgia's wedding ring.
She's in character.
Details.
You weren't supposed to be there.
It was for Christie to see.
We knew she was a hard taskmaster but we didn't think she'd call you to bring her a camera.
No.
No, the con was over.
She already got that Jonas guy to give us the 100,000.
Yes, we got our money.
But we had to think of a way to save the youth club.
Candy from a baby.
And now you're going to explain to me how all of this helps the Pulse.
It doesn't.
Look, Sean.
The con showed us how she operates but we needed a new plan that would make Christie incriminate herself.
- Power.
- What? That's what Christie wants.
Makes her think she's in control.
It's the only way she's going to drop her guard.
- How are we going to do that? - Bait.
You and I have to convince Christie that we are involved.
- Gives her leverage.
- With that feeling of power she will incriminate herself and we will use that to save the Pulse.
Where will Christie be tonight? Hello.
Yes, I'd like to make a reservation.
Table for two, 7:30pm this evening.
Under the name of Alex Cooper.
When she saw Georgia and Alex together, she felt She felt that she had one over on us.
This feels strange.
I think we've waited long enough, don't you? I suppose.
Did she see? Erm, no.
- Oh, for God's sake.
- I know.
She had Georgia and Alex exactly where she wanted them.
- It was part of the con? - It was part of the con.
You and Mickey were bait? Yes, we, erm Sean, it was horrible.
- So, nothing actually - Oh, God.
No! - No, nothing.
- Don't be absurd.
Macadamia? Sean, you've made such an issue of me spending time with your sister.
- You can be quite arsey, Sean.
- Yeah, it's scary.
That can jeopardise a con.
It was to get Christie.
Well, now that's completely cleared up.
Mm-hm.
Forever.
Oh, by the way, erm, today is not your last day in Christie's office.
What? Bulldozers are still due at 9:30.
Could be worse.
He could be shagging your sister.
Still can't believe I thought you two were, er Thanks for coming.
I thought we'd be more comfortable meeting here.
Away from JJ.
You can come up now.
Seems like everything really does go through Alex.
These photographs could kill JJ.
Though probably not before he made some amendments to his will.
And I don't suppose they'd play very well in the divorce courts either.
And I can't imagine what they'd do to your reputation as a personal lawyer.
All right, OK.
What What - What do you want? Money? - I do want money.
Once the City Side development goes ahead, it'll be worth millions.
What I'm asking for is quite modest in comparison.
500,000.
There is no way we can give you that amount of money.
- Not without JJ noticing.
- Oh, I think you do a lot without JJ noticing.
We'd have to account for that kind of outgoing on our books.
Sell me a plot on the edge of the site.
Say 50,000.
After Hugh Cannon's delisted it, you buy it back for 600.
If JJ asks, tell him it was an oversight.
There was a small leasehold that someone forgot to buy out.
Wait.
50,000 in exchange for 600,000? There's no way What about this situation gives you the impression you're in a position to negotiate? OK OK.
Say, erm, we did sell you a plot of land Well, you're an MP.
You can't be seen to be mixed up in this kind of thing.
You're not actually thinking of letting her do this? - I don't think we have a choice.
- Alex.
- No.
- If JJ sees those photos, it's over.
So, tell me.
How how do you, er how do you give us that money without it being traceable back to you? Same way I always do.
Jonas wants to give you a bank draft of £50,000.
I don't understand.
He works for me, stupid.
I tell Jonas what to buy, I delist it, he sells it, we split the profits 80-20.
- She just called me stupid.
- I know, I know.
- You should really tell your brother.
- Your brother? Get out.
This meeting is private.
He works for me, stupid.
I tell Jonas what to buy, I delist it, he sells it, we split the profits 80-20.
You really shouldn't talk about my sister like that.
Or confess to high-level corruption on tape.
You bugged my office.
Well, I told you I was proactive.
- Are you sure this is going to work? - Works every time.
- Think it'll work? - I don't know.
It was your idea.
You can't blackmail me with any of this.
Bugging an MP's office, offering bribes to an elected official.
If I go down, you do too.
Yes.
Yes, probably.
But the question you should be asking yourself really is, erm, are we willing to run that risk in order to do the right thing? That's called conviction politics.
Let's do it.
What do you want? We want a property you told Jonas to buy.
The Pulse.
We'd like that, please.
I'm afraid you're too late.
The bulldozers go in at half past nine.
We may have bought a little extra time there.
Good Lord! A natterjack toad.
I'm almost certain that's a protected species.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
The 1994 Conservation Regulations make it an offence to kill, capture, or disturb a protected species I think.
Look, Miss Christie.
My guess is you didn't go into politics to steal from your constituents.
Might be that at some point you even wanted to help them.
If you can remember that far back.
So, we would like to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
It's also an offence to damage or destroy the breeding site or resting ground of such an animal.
I can't imagine where their breeding grounds might be.
Stop the work.
Stop the work.
It worked.
I can't believe it worked.
Come on, wake up, Emma.
Don't let it overflow.
Sam, watch it with that fork, yeah? Lennie, here are the frogs.
- They're not frogs, they're toads.
- Oh.
There you go.
No, don't worry.
We'll think of something.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Only if you're thinking let's buy extra time by borrowing some endangered frogs from my friend Miriam.
Now, what can I do for you? - I'm looking for some frogs.
- No frogs here.
Got some toads if you'd like.
The old toad breeding scam, eh? Right, guys.
Watch out for the frogs.
Don't don't step on the frogs.
Toads.
Don't Don't step on the Don't step on the toads.
Right.
Let's do this.
OK.
My government is committed to fostering a business culture grounded in community responsibility.
The Prime Minister, you may remember, has spoken about the need to revive a tradition of philanthropy in this country.
And that's why it's so gratifying to be able to announce the gifting of this fine centre by Jonas Proctor to the community.
We just got our club back.
You guys, thanks.
What do I owe you? We've, erm We've covered our costs on this one.
£100,000.
Yeah, nice grift.
Yeah, once again, guys, thanks.
Yeah, you might be able to start those yoga lessons now.
What happened to short sharp shocks, Ash? - Bollocks.
- Are you becoming a do-gooding liberal? I'm not saying anything without a lawyer present.
Mickey told me what you said.
Are you still looking out for your big sister? - Yeah, I am.
- You I was thinking about this fake affair.
Out of curiosity, whose idea was it? - Well, it's tricky actually to remember - In a brainstorming situation like that.
- Brainstorming? - I think it's time for us to make a move.
Yes, good idea.
We're probably a bad influence on these kids.
Wait.
Is that Shanice coming over? She looks pretty angry.
Yeah, very funny.