I Am Not Okay With This (2020) s01e01 Episode Script
Dear Diary...
1 Dear Diary go fuck yourself.
Just kidding.
I don't know what to write in this stupid thing.
Anyway, hi.
My name is Sydney.
I'm a boring 17-year-old white girl.
I'm not special, is what I'm trying to say, and I'm okay with that.
We moved to Pennsylvania two years ago.
And not, like, a cute part of Pennsylvania either, but corn and cabbage and shit.
Like, my town's won the grand prize for most polluted air in America for a bunch of years in a row now, so yippee.
Ms.
Cappriotti made me promise to do this.
Promise you'll do this.
She said it might help with my moods.
It might help with your moods.
I keep losing my temper.
I don't want to, but it just spills out.
It's 'cause my dad sort of died last spring.
So I'm supposed to write what, now? I don't get it.
Anything.
Everything.
Whatever comes to mind.
And now no one knows what to say to me.
Think of it like you're just talking to yourself and no one will ever read it but you.
Not even the guidance counselor.
Can I just use my phone? Hmm Your phone'll be distracting.
Don't you think? I'd like you to have something a little more therapeutic.
These things are never easy, but I do want you to at least attempt to have a normal high school experience.
I mean, she's pretty all right, I guess.
Even if she does smell like an old hippie.
Anyway, here's to a normal high school experience, whatever the fuck that means.
And yes, during arousal, there is an increase in all sorts of things, including adrenaline and, of course, blood flow, and the blood flow continues down and then gets trapped within the corpora cavernosa.
The penis expands, and this is how the Homo sapien male is able to hold an erection.
Yes.
From my experience, Mr.
File, the holding of an erection is far more successful in the hands of a Homo sapien female.
Very funny, Mr.
Lewis.
Just talkin' science.
Moving on.
When a female gets sexually excited, there is also increased blood flow - to the genitals - Ah.
Oh, come on, fire crotch.
- Laugh.
That was funny.
- proceeds to swell.
Why is all this happening? Your scrotum looks different than others.
That's an asymmetrical scrotum.
- My best friend is Dina.
- Having one is not at all unusual.
She's such a badass.
Normally, I don't think she'd choose me as a friend, but we both moved here around the same time.
Both the new kids in town, you know, so, guess I kinda lucked out.
Before Dina, I mostly just kept to myself.
I'm not the kind of person that likes attention, really, but she has this way about her that she just makes me feel different.
She was with me when I found out about my dad.
Okay.
You ready? - She held my hand.
- One, two We cried.
And now, since then, she keeps me laughing when all I wanna do is melt into the floor.
Which sort of made me realize I've never had a best friend before.
So, I'm standing there, trying to get by, and he's all like, "Oh, who's the new girl in town?" And I'm like, "Shut up.
It's me, Dina.
" Wait, this is Brad Lewis? Yeah.
He's sort of sweet, you know? And then he asked me to homecoming.
Wait, and and you accepted? No.
I told him to take his washboard abs and chiseled jawline and get out of my face.
Yeah, of course I said yes.
Uh Oh, my God.
You had sex with him, didn't you? Holy shit.
No way! Holy shit! You gave Bradley Lewis your P-card? Shh - Tell me he used a condom, because - Yes, of course.
- I know.
- Dina just got her braces off, and her boobs suddenly arrived.
So, of course, golden boy Bradley Lewis takes notice.
So, what, are you guys, like, suddenly girlfriend and boyfriend or something? I mean, we haven't put a label on it yet, but I really like him, okay? This is the worst.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Sure, I get it.
Just give him a chance.
Oh, come on, there's gotta be someone you sort of like.
Just a little.
I don't know.
I just guess I haven't really thought about it.
Well, think about it.
And then maybe we can all go to homecoming together, like a double date thing.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey! Sorry I'm late.
All good, babe.
Ugh.
They both call each other "babe.
" Kill me right now.
Hey, Syd.
Bradley.
Do you think your mom could hook us up with some burgers? They're just so great here.
Huh.
She's not working today.
I was just asking.
Okay.
Want a burger, Brad? Let's get a burger.
I've got some cash.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Wanna share one, babe? - Yeah.
Oh, ketchup.
Help yourself.
So Dina's just great, isn't she? Mm-hmm.
Jesus, do you ever smile? Not today.
So, what have we decided? Whatever you want, babe.
- Please.
Please stop.
- You gotta try one of these fries.
I wish you would just stop talking.
Wipe that smug smile off his stupid, stupid face.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, fuck.
- Are you okay? - Wait.
What? Yeah, fine.
Just give me a minute.
- Take a tissue.
- Gimme a minute, all right? So, here's the deal.
Today, I almost convinced myself that I made Bradley Lewis's nose bleed with my mind.
Right.
Mostly, I just need to chill out more.
I am not losing my first and only very best friend ever.
I'm happy for Dina, and if dating Bradley Dickhead Lewis makes her happy, then I guess I'm okay with it.
Oh, hey, Syd! Hey.
Stanley Barber.
He lives down the street from me.
Where I feel shitty about basically everything about myself, Stan is the master of zero fucks.
Oh, my leg fell asleep.
One sec.
Aah.
Can I walk with you? Sure.
Why not? Cool.
Cool.
Stan is kind of weird.
You okay? Shoes.
Who needs 'em? Uh so, Bloodwitch, am I right? What? Bloodwitch.
You like their music? That's a terrible name for a band.
Nah.
Perfect.
Bet they sound like shit.
Well, I mean, I have I have 'em on vinyl limited edition, gatefold and stuff, if you wanna come over, and we can listen sometime.
Oh.
We can get high.
I have never been high before.
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, you don't have to.
I was I was just, you know We You know, we live so close, and we've never really hung out before.
Uh, no, I guess we haven't.
But, yeah.
Uh, maybe we should.
Yeah.
Cool.
Uh Let me know.
What a world we live in, Sydney.
I live with my mom and little brother.
Sydney! Is that you? Mom and I haven't been getting along lately.
Nope.
It's an axe murderer.
Good thing you asked.
Ha-ha! Very funny.
Hey.
So apparently, Karen's dog ran through a screen door or something, so she had to go to an emergency vet.
Okay.
So I'm gonna pick up her shift tonight, which is fine 'cause I owe her two shifts from the time Liam ate all that cheese.
Well, thanks for telling me your life story, Mom.
No.
Wait, come back here.
I'm not done yet.
Eyes on me.
Okay.
Question.
Big question.
Have you seen my stockings? They were in the bathroom.
They were hanging over the shower curtain? Oh, sorry.
I thought they were dirty.
- No, they were drying.
- Well, I found them in the bathtub.
D Well, where are they? They're my last pair.
I sort of washed 'em.
Wait.
In the washer? Yeah, and I guess they sort of ended up in the dryer, so Oh, great.
Now I get to feel like sausage while I'm serving it.
You don't really have to wear 'em, do you? No one wears 'em anymore.
- Like, since the '90s.
- Can you Can you just make sure that Liam does his homework and eats some dinner? Isn't he old enough to make sure himself? Sydney, can you just do something for me, anything, just once, without questioning? Here I thought I was being so charming.
Nope.
Not even a little bit.
Really doesn't matter what we're talking about.
Mom and I could sit in silence for the rest of our lives, and she'd still annoy the crap out of me.
Hey, Goob.
Done your homework yet? Hours ago.
Soon as I got home.
What about you? Uh I'll get to it.
Come on, Syd.
Mom says you have to work hard if you're gonna succeed.
Yeah, well, the plan's always been for me to sit back and watch you succeed, Goob.
Oh, hey, who knows? Maybe one day, if you really work hard enough, you get to be the one to pay for my funeral.
- How was school today? - Well, um Richard Rynard punched Toby Gardner in the face, and he got sent to Mr.
Coffee's office.
Oh, yeah? Yup, and I think I might be next, so I'm devising a plan.
Check it out.
Holy shit, Goob.
Is that for you? Yup.
Designed it myself.
Breastplate, shin guards, spiked gloves But I'm not so sure about the helmet situation just yet, 'cause I don't wanna block my peripherals, you know, just in case.
It's really cool, man.
It's some of your best work yet.
Yeah, it's basically my Mark One, and the first suit's always the hardest to design, so it's still a work in progress.
And, sorry, what was the plan again? Well, I'm gonna build the suit and kick Richard Rynard's ass.
Oh.
Vengeance.
Got it.
My family.
I guess we've never had a lot of money.
Like, every place we moved, and we've moved a lot, it's always some place like this.
It's like a lottery, I guess.
Some kids win big time the moment they're born.
The rest of us, we're all stuck with scratch-offs and bottle caps and shit.
Liam? Yeah? If Richard Rynard ever touches you before you get your suit built to kick his ass, I'll pull his throat out with my bare hands right in front of Mr.
Coffee.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah, like this.
You are so weird.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, so confession.
I started getting these zits on my thighs.
I am straight up disgusting.
I've tried zit cream and soap and all sorts of junk.
Nothing helps.
They're not even that fun to pop.
Stop! It's probably just puberty.
I don't know.
So, Stanley Barber texted me.
He made me listen to Bloodwitch.
Let me hear your voice To bring me down Waitin' for your lips To bring me round My life's shame and sorrow Falling back Lead me from my head Down underground Lying down until my soul turned flat Sometimes at night, I want to touch myself, but I don't.
Peanut butter helps.
always in a fast-food rut, or buying and not cooking it.
Millions have discovered the secret The later Mom gets home, the more wine she drinks.
What are we watching? Don't know.
to the original We haven't talked about Dad since he killed himself in the basement.
AC's broken.
The unit's probably just overheated.
It's hot as balls in this house.
Open a window.
It's that heavy thing we're all too afraid to talk about.
I got called in to the counselor's office.
- Why? What did what did you do? - Nothing.
She just She wants me to have, like an outlet or something.
An outlet for what? Just, sometimes it feels like the people I love don't love me back.
Well Maybe you're aiming too high, hon.
She's such a bitch sometimes.
Dad would have understood, but he hung himself, so I guess I'm on my own.
Sometimes I wonder why he did it, and why we never talk about it and what the hell is going on with me.
Why sometimes I feel like I'm boiling inside.
'Cause maybe I am way more fucked up than I thought.
Just kidding.
I don't know what to write in this stupid thing.
Anyway, hi.
My name is Sydney.
I'm a boring 17-year-old white girl.
I'm not special, is what I'm trying to say, and I'm okay with that.
We moved to Pennsylvania two years ago.
And not, like, a cute part of Pennsylvania either, but corn and cabbage and shit.
Like, my town's won the grand prize for most polluted air in America for a bunch of years in a row now, so yippee.
Ms.
Cappriotti made me promise to do this.
Promise you'll do this.
She said it might help with my moods.
It might help with your moods.
I keep losing my temper.
I don't want to, but it just spills out.
It's 'cause my dad sort of died last spring.
So I'm supposed to write what, now? I don't get it.
Anything.
Everything.
Whatever comes to mind.
And now no one knows what to say to me.
Think of it like you're just talking to yourself and no one will ever read it but you.
Not even the guidance counselor.
Can I just use my phone? Hmm Your phone'll be distracting.
Don't you think? I'd like you to have something a little more therapeutic.
These things are never easy, but I do want you to at least attempt to have a normal high school experience.
I mean, she's pretty all right, I guess.
Even if she does smell like an old hippie.
Anyway, here's to a normal high school experience, whatever the fuck that means.
And yes, during arousal, there is an increase in all sorts of things, including adrenaline and, of course, blood flow, and the blood flow continues down and then gets trapped within the corpora cavernosa.
The penis expands, and this is how the Homo sapien male is able to hold an erection.
Yes.
From my experience, Mr.
File, the holding of an erection is far more successful in the hands of a Homo sapien female.
Very funny, Mr.
Lewis.
Just talkin' science.
Moving on.
When a female gets sexually excited, there is also increased blood flow - to the genitals - Ah.
Oh, come on, fire crotch.
- Laugh.
That was funny.
- proceeds to swell.
Why is all this happening? Your scrotum looks different than others.
That's an asymmetrical scrotum.
- My best friend is Dina.
- Having one is not at all unusual.
She's such a badass.
Normally, I don't think she'd choose me as a friend, but we both moved here around the same time.
Both the new kids in town, you know, so, guess I kinda lucked out.
Before Dina, I mostly just kept to myself.
I'm not the kind of person that likes attention, really, but she has this way about her that she just makes me feel different.
She was with me when I found out about my dad.
Okay.
You ready? - She held my hand.
- One, two We cried.
And now, since then, she keeps me laughing when all I wanna do is melt into the floor.
Which sort of made me realize I've never had a best friend before.
So, I'm standing there, trying to get by, and he's all like, "Oh, who's the new girl in town?" And I'm like, "Shut up.
It's me, Dina.
" Wait, this is Brad Lewis? Yeah.
He's sort of sweet, you know? And then he asked me to homecoming.
Wait, and and you accepted? No.
I told him to take his washboard abs and chiseled jawline and get out of my face.
Yeah, of course I said yes.
Uh Oh, my God.
You had sex with him, didn't you? Holy shit.
No way! Holy shit! You gave Bradley Lewis your P-card? Shh - Tell me he used a condom, because - Yes, of course.
- I know.
- Dina just got her braces off, and her boobs suddenly arrived.
So, of course, golden boy Bradley Lewis takes notice.
So, what, are you guys, like, suddenly girlfriend and boyfriend or something? I mean, we haven't put a label on it yet, but I really like him, okay? This is the worst.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Sure, I get it.
Just give him a chance.
Oh, come on, there's gotta be someone you sort of like.
Just a little.
I don't know.
I just guess I haven't really thought about it.
Well, think about it.
And then maybe we can all go to homecoming together, like a double date thing.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey! Sorry I'm late.
All good, babe.
Ugh.
They both call each other "babe.
" Kill me right now.
Hey, Syd.
Bradley.
Do you think your mom could hook us up with some burgers? They're just so great here.
Huh.
She's not working today.
I was just asking.
Okay.
Want a burger, Brad? Let's get a burger.
I've got some cash.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Wanna share one, babe? - Yeah.
Oh, ketchup.
Help yourself.
So Dina's just great, isn't she? Mm-hmm.
Jesus, do you ever smile? Not today.
So, what have we decided? Whatever you want, babe.
- Please.
Please stop.
- You gotta try one of these fries.
I wish you would just stop talking.
Wipe that smug smile off his stupid, stupid face.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, fuck.
- Are you okay? - Wait.
What? Yeah, fine.
Just give me a minute.
- Take a tissue.
- Gimme a minute, all right? So, here's the deal.
Today, I almost convinced myself that I made Bradley Lewis's nose bleed with my mind.
Right.
Mostly, I just need to chill out more.
I am not losing my first and only very best friend ever.
I'm happy for Dina, and if dating Bradley Dickhead Lewis makes her happy, then I guess I'm okay with it.
Oh, hey, Syd! Hey.
Stanley Barber.
He lives down the street from me.
Where I feel shitty about basically everything about myself, Stan is the master of zero fucks.
Oh, my leg fell asleep.
One sec.
Aah.
Can I walk with you? Sure.
Why not? Cool.
Cool.
Stan is kind of weird.
You okay? Shoes.
Who needs 'em? Uh so, Bloodwitch, am I right? What? Bloodwitch.
You like their music? That's a terrible name for a band.
Nah.
Perfect.
Bet they sound like shit.
Well, I mean, I have I have 'em on vinyl limited edition, gatefold and stuff, if you wanna come over, and we can listen sometime.
Oh.
We can get high.
I have never been high before.
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, you don't have to.
I was I was just, you know We You know, we live so close, and we've never really hung out before.
Uh, no, I guess we haven't.
But, yeah.
Uh, maybe we should.
Yeah.
Cool.
Uh Let me know.
What a world we live in, Sydney.
I live with my mom and little brother.
Sydney! Is that you? Mom and I haven't been getting along lately.
Nope.
It's an axe murderer.
Good thing you asked.
Ha-ha! Very funny.
Hey.
So apparently, Karen's dog ran through a screen door or something, so she had to go to an emergency vet.
Okay.
So I'm gonna pick up her shift tonight, which is fine 'cause I owe her two shifts from the time Liam ate all that cheese.
Well, thanks for telling me your life story, Mom.
No.
Wait, come back here.
I'm not done yet.
Eyes on me.
Okay.
Question.
Big question.
Have you seen my stockings? They were in the bathroom.
They were hanging over the shower curtain? Oh, sorry.
I thought they were dirty.
- No, they were drying.
- Well, I found them in the bathtub.
D Well, where are they? They're my last pair.
I sort of washed 'em.
Wait.
In the washer? Yeah, and I guess they sort of ended up in the dryer, so Oh, great.
Now I get to feel like sausage while I'm serving it.
You don't really have to wear 'em, do you? No one wears 'em anymore.
- Like, since the '90s.
- Can you Can you just make sure that Liam does his homework and eats some dinner? Isn't he old enough to make sure himself? Sydney, can you just do something for me, anything, just once, without questioning? Here I thought I was being so charming.
Nope.
Not even a little bit.
Really doesn't matter what we're talking about.
Mom and I could sit in silence for the rest of our lives, and she'd still annoy the crap out of me.
Hey, Goob.
Done your homework yet? Hours ago.
Soon as I got home.
What about you? Uh I'll get to it.
Come on, Syd.
Mom says you have to work hard if you're gonna succeed.
Yeah, well, the plan's always been for me to sit back and watch you succeed, Goob.
Oh, hey, who knows? Maybe one day, if you really work hard enough, you get to be the one to pay for my funeral.
- How was school today? - Well, um Richard Rynard punched Toby Gardner in the face, and he got sent to Mr.
Coffee's office.
Oh, yeah? Yup, and I think I might be next, so I'm devising a plan.
Check it out.
Holy shit, Goob.
Is that for you? Yup.
Designed it myself.
Breastplate, shin guards, spiked gloves But I'm not so sure about the helmet situation just yet, 'cause I don't wanna block my peripherals, you know, just in case.
It's really cool, man.
It's some of your best work yet.
Yeah, it's basically my Mark One, and the first suit's always the hardest to design, so it's still a work in progress.
And, sorry, what was the plan again? Well, I'm gonna build the suit and kick Richard Rynard's ass.
Oh.
Vengeance.
Got it.
My family.
I guess we've never had a lot of money.
Like, every place we moved, and we've moved a lot, it's always some place like this.
It's like a lottery, I guess.
Some kids win big time the moment they're born.
The rest of us, we're all stuck with scratch-offs and bottle caps and shit.
Liam? Yeah? If Richard Rynard ever touches you before you get your suit built to kick his ass, I'll pull his throat out with my bare hands right in front of Mr.
Coffee.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah, like this.
You are so weird.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, so confession.
I started getting these zits on my thighs.
I am straight up disgusting.
I've tried zit cream and soap and all sorts of junk.
Nothing helps.
They're not even that fun to pop.
Stop! It's probably just puberty.
I don't know.
So, Stanley Barber texted me.
He made me listen to Bloodwitch.
Let me hear your voice To bring me down Waitin' for your lips To bring me round My life's shame and sorrow Falling back Lead me from my head Down underground Lying down until my soul turned flat Sometimes at night, I want to touch myself, but I don't.
Peanut butter helps.
always in a fast-food rut, or buying and not cooking it.
Millions have discovered the secret The later Mom gets home, the more wine she drinks.
What are we watching? Don't know.
to the original We haven't talked about Dad since he killed himself in the basement.
AC's broken.
The unit's probably just overheated.
It's hot as balls in this house.
Open a window.
It's that heavy thing we're all too afraid to talk about.
I got called in to the counselor's office.
- Why? What did what did you do? - Nothing.
She just She wants me to have, like an outlet or something.
An outlet for what? Just, sometimes it feels like the people I love don't love me back.
Well Maybe you're aiming too high, hon.
She's such a bitch sometimes.
Dad would have understood, but he hung himself, so I guess I'm on my own.
Sometimes I wonder why he did it, and why we never talk about it and what the hell is going on with me.
Why sometimes I feel like I'm boiling inside.
'Cause maybe I am way more fucked up than I thought.