I Didn't Do It (2014) s01e18 Episode Script

Next of Pumpkin

Just get up there and scoop out the rest of the pumpkin.
I am this close to telling Lindy your dark, twisted secrets.
That I had a kiss dream about Garrett's sister? No.
Now I know two of your dark, twisted secrets, one of which I really wish I didn't.
Now get up there and hurry.
It's almost time for the Jack-o-lantern contest.
All right, I'm going, I'm going.
Move it, move it! Relax.
I'll scoop out your entire pumpkin just as long as Lindy never Whoa! - You know you're wrong.
- What are you talking about? What do you guys think? We don't know.
You still haven't told us what happened.
I'll tell it.
No, I'll tell it.
No, I'll tell it! Logan, tell the story.
Oh, so you're taking his side now.
No, I'm actually losing interest.
Fine.
Last night, our parents were out late at a party, and once we went to sleep The alarm went off.
I thought it was an emergency, so I followed the evacuation plan.
I was so freaked out, I almost had an evacuation I didn't plan.
Meanwhile, the first thing I did when I wake up Lindy, Lindy, where are you? Then I realized there was no smoke, so I checked the alarm, because I suspected it was just a low battery.
Hey, it's just a low battery.
I was right.
But I was still concerned for my sister, so I shouted Lindy, my dear twin sister, where are you? Then I shouted one more time.
Lindy! Yes? What are you doing outside? I was in our designated meeting place with my most valued belongings.
My computer, my awards, fuzzy fuzzy panda poo.
And what about your fuzzy fuzzy brother poo? You ran out of the house with no regard for me.
- Logan, nothing happened.
- Luckily.
I wasn't thinking clearly.
The alarm woke me from a deep sleep.
It certainly didn't wake you from a caring, loving, compassionate sleep.
Would you guys tell him he's being ridiculous? Wait a minute.
Everybody agrees with Logan? That means I'm a horrible, horrible person.
Now you're starting to get it.
I feel awful.
I promise I will make this up to you.
Don't bother.
I am disgusted with you.
I don't think I can ever forgive you.
Logan, you disgust me every minute of every day, and I forgive you.
You know what, Lindy? Not everything's a joke.
He's overreacting.
He'll come around, right, guys? Okay, this year at holla-ween fest, I am not gonna lose the biggest pumpkin contest.
I can't let my arch-Nemesis, great-granny wrinkle, win again.
Sweetie, if that's the pumpkin you're entering, I think you might have picked it too soon.
That's not my pumpkin.
My pumpkin's already at the festival.
This is the one I crush and feed to my pumpkin.
That's right.
It eats its own.
That seems a little harsh.
That's what I'm going for.
You know how people talk to their plants to help them grow? Well, I'm kicking it up a notch.
Grow, grow bigger! Bigger! Or you'll never see your baby pumpkin again.
You're gonna be such a good mom one day.
Delia, even to a pumpkin, that language is kind of harsh.
Ugh, there's my pus bag of an ex-boyfriend, and his rank hot mess new girlfriend Carmen.
- She's so pretty.
- I know.
- Her skin is flawless.
- I know.
She's probably gonna be prom queen.
I know! Be right back.
I gotta go be petty.
- Hello, Jasmine.
- Good-bye, Dwight.
Guess what I have that you don't.
Smoothie on your shirt? That's okay.
I didn't like this shirt anyway.
- I believe you gave it to me.
- What's your point, Dwight? I have a lock on the dance contest at holla-ween fest now that I finally have a decent partner.
Oh, she's beautiful.
Of course, anything looks good next to you.
You didn't.
You know what I will look good next to? The trophy for the dance contest.
Oh, please, you don't even have a partner.
Probably because you're too manipulative and controlling to follow anyone's lead.
Give me a break.
I'm the least controlling person I know.
Listen and listen good.
You're gonna be my dance partner, and I don't wanna hear a word about it.
- Sorry.
I'm busy Saturday.
- Doing what? Visiting my grandma Betty.
She died last year.
I'm visiting her at the cemetery.
She was buried at sea.
So I'm taking a cruise! I don't wanna dance, and there's nothing even you can say to change my mind.
I'll hook you up with a girl I know is dying to go out with you.
In that case Let's boogie, partner.
Beep beep.
Hi.
Uh, what are you doing? I felt really bad about the other night, so I decided to get you a car.
Oh, sweet.
Unfortunately, this is all I could afford.
So what do you say? Let's steer our relationship back on track, you know.
Get it from To Lovely day for a drive, isn't it, old bean? Okay, spare me the phony French accent.
And this gesture is about as empty as your heart during an emergency.
Logan, you've gotta forgive me.
You don't get it, Lindy.
You really hurt me.
I always thought I had a sister that cared about me, but when push came to shove, you pushed yourself out the door, and shoved me under the bus.
Leave the steering wheel.
You gotta let her off the hook eventually.
How long are you gonna stay mad? Oh, see, I'm not mad anymore.
But as far as letting her off the hook, well, I'm driving this guilt-mobile as far as it'll go.
Beep beep.
Vroom vroom.
You scrawny, stupid, no-good excuse for a seasonal vegetable.
Why don't you just crawl back into whatever pathetic seed you grew out of? Still trash-talking your pumpkin to make it grow, huh? No, I'm punishing it.
I just found out that great-granny wrinkle's pumpkin weighs two pounds more than mine.
What's that old coot doing that I'm not? What's her secret? I'm never gonna win.
Now what am I supposed to do with this giant disappointment of a pumpkin? Maybe I could find a fairy godmother to turn it into a car for Logan.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where you sign up for the costume contest? Yeah, it's under the tent where they're holding the dance contest.
Thanks.
Well, Halloween is officially scary.
So I'm guessing Logan still hasn't forgiven you.
Just my luck.
The one time he's right about something coincides with the one time I make a mistake.
- The one time? - Fine.
I've made a few mistakes.
- Are you happy? - No.
But I will be when you tell me what to do with this huge loser pumpkin.
Well, there's still the Jack-o-lantern contest.
That's great.
I can finally use the skills I learned in butcher camp.
And Halloween just got even scarier.
Pay attention.
It's one step out, and another step in.
Just tell me who you're hooking me up with.
Not until after I beat Dwight at the contest.
There's a girl out there who likes me.
I have to find out who it is before she changes her mind.
Sorry.
My lips are sealed.
But hers won't be.
You're killing me.
Okay, is it Allison? Is it Julie? Is it Amber? Is it Heidi? Is it Madison? Is it the other Madison? Is it Michaela? Is it Kylie? - Is it McKylie? - No! - I should've just asked Logan.
- Why didn't you? Because if I asked Logan, people would think it's a thing, and I don't want people to think it's a thing.
Won't people think it's a thing if you dance with me? No.
Anyway, I don't wanna tell you because I don't want you to bail.
Bail is it Bailey? Come on, give me something.
Fine.
On the day of the contest, I will be dressed as a disco diva, and you'll be a giant mirror ball.
Mirror ball? Is it Mirabel? No.
All you need to know is that your mystery girl will meet you at the corn maze, and before you ask, no, it's not maisie.
Cordelia? Excuse me, everyone.
Attention.
Oh, what a shock.
My sister needs attention.
There's nothing I can say to make my brother forgive me, but maybe there is something I can sing.
Two, three four.
Yeah, sing it with me now.
Come on, give her a break already.
This could really be a chance for you to show some maturity.
For your information, I am mature.
Great.
Then turn the other cheek.
Cheek.
My feet are killing me.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
And if I haven't mentioned it, ow.
- Stop complaining.
- Ow! Five-minute smoothie break, then it's back to rehearsal.
You know, I'm not a trained monkey.
Ooh, make mine a banana.
Having trouble controlling your partner? - Having trouble controlling your mouth? - I don't know.
Was your snide comment supposed to mean I'm not controlling it and I said something, or I said something and I am controlling it? I don't know.
Was that a real question, because your tone indicates you were attempting an insult, but you sound like you genuinely want an answer.
You know what? Can we stop the trash talk? Even though things didn't work with us, I still wish you luck and may the best dancers win.
- Really? - Of course not.
Wow, I saw that one coming, and I was all the way over here.
Your best friend's a jerk.
Don't you dare talk about my mother like that.
Logan.
Logan's a jerk.
Oh, yeah, I know.
You need to tell him to let Lindy off the hook already.
Yeah, what's his deal anyway? Come on, Jasmine, let's go rehearse so we can win that contest.
Wait a minute.
You're acting all squirrely.
You know something! I know a lot of things.
I know all the state capitals I know how to play bridge.
I know my name in pig Latin is arrett-gay.
You've got a secret.
He's got a secret.
We all know you're the worst secret keeper ever.
That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever spill it and I'll tell you the girl you're meeting at the corn maze.
Logan's not upset with Lindy at all.
He's just pretending so he can torture her.
Now who's the girl? Fine.
It's Anita.
Ooh, Anita.
Anita who? I need a better dance partner, but I'm stuck with you.
- Oh, hey, Deels, you called? - Yes, I did.
So what do you think of my costume? I'm an angel.
Oh, you're no angel, which is why you're gonna scoop out That is the worst, grossest job ever.
Why would I do that? Because I had a little chat with your buddy Garrett, or as I like to call him, nerves of steel.
Uh-oh.
Garrett, where are you? The dance contest is about to start.
In the corn maze, like you told me.
Waiting for my date with destiny.
Ooh, destiny? I didn't say in the corn maze.
I said at the corn maze.
And no, destiny is way out of your league.
Get back here right now.
I can't.
I'm lost.
Plus, all these mirrors are making it like, 1,000 degrees in here.
I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I think I may be coming down with Saturday night fever.
Ugh, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for McKylie.
It was McKylie.
I knew it was one of the 150 names I rattled off.
Thank you! Jasmine, Jasmine! All right, come on, Deels, take a break, and check out the dance contest with me.
Delia? Logan? Why are you scooping out Delia's pumpkin? She wrote a really nice rhyming song asking me to? What are you wearing? A traditional sari.
For you.
'Cause I'm sorry.
So why are you doing this? I am doing a selfless favor for someone I care about.
You know, putting someone else ahead of myself.
Oh, wait.
Maybe you don't know.
Logan, please.
I am out of ideas.
I promise I will do anything to make this up to you.
Anything.
Anything? Help! Disco ball down! Disco ball down.
Oh, hello, nice children.
Could you be good little zombies and help a disco ball to his feet? Stop! I am not some disco turtle dreidel.
Stop! You should be ashamed to look at yourselves in my mirrors.
- Garrett? - McKylie? Is that you? Yes.
Where are you? I don't know.
I've been lost in here for an hour.
I'm dressed like a disco ball, and I'm burning up.
This thing is like a magnifying glass.
I'm coming to find you.
Oh, it's hopeless.
Impossible.
I'm in too deep.
You'll never find me.
Hi.
How did you find me? The entrance is just around the corner.
Well, the important thing is you're here.
Now could you please help me up? But be careful.
I don't wanna rip my tights for the big dance contest.
What was that? Uh-oh.
I hope you like popcorn.
Oh, hey.
Gosh.
Hey, Scoopy, step on it, or I'll tell Lindy everything.
And believe me, you do not want her to know the truth.
The truth about what? Delia, what is going on? Logan isn't mad at you.
He's just holding it over your head - to mess with you.
- What?! Are you kidding me? Who does that? That's like emotional blackmail.
Or just a clever use of leverage.
It's a very spinnable concept.
Why didn't you tell me? I was going to, I promise, after I leveraged him cleverly.
What are you gonna do to him? I don't know, but It may involve the same tools I used - on the pumpkin.
- As well you should.
You and me are cool, right? After you help me with one little thing.
Yeah, I'll do anything.
Anything? And now, our final contestants, Jasmine and Garrett, the dancing queen of disco and her ball.
Hey.
Your partner's not a disco ball.
He's the invisible man, 'cause you can't see him.
Hilarious.
You know what? I don't need a partner.
I'll still beat you.
May I have this dance? Logan, you're an angel.
Oh, right.
You sure? You don't know the moves I worked out.
It's okay.
I won a disco contest when I was eight.
Just follow my lead.
You're so good on the dance floor.
It's easy when you have a good partner.
Hey, guess who won the dance contest? Oh, hey, Delia.
Who told you you could go to a dance contest? You were supposed to be here scooping out my pumpkin.
So I didn't finish it yet? Wouldn't you know if you'd finished? Uh, yeah, of course I would know.
Why wouldn't I know? I definitely did not finish.
Just get up there and scoop out the rest of the pumpkin.
I am this close to telling Lindy your dark, twisted secrets.
That I had a kiss dream about Garrett's sister? No.
Now I know two of your dark, twisted secrets, one of which I really wish I didn't.
Now get up there and hurry.
It's almost time for the Jack-o-lantern contest.
All right, I'm going, I'm going.
Move it, move it! Relax.
I'll scoop out your entire pumpkin, just as long as Lindy never whoa! Ever taste the inside of a pumpkin? Well, you're about to.
What do you mean? Ow! You made me feel terrible for nothing.
You'd like me to hypothetically perish.
Hey, could you make another eye? This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Oh, could you make the mouth a little bigger? Oh, that's perfect.
Thanks.
Could you punch out a nose? Ow! You are the worst brother ever.
You are the worst sister ever.
What if this had been a real emergency? There's about to be a real emergency now.
Stop.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll even wear the sari.
Why would you do this to me? Because I'm never right.
And this time, I was.
Kind of.
And the truth is, I wanted to enjoy it.
Logan, I've never seen you this vulnerable.
Eat seeds, dirt bag! So let me get this straight.
You manipulated Lindy into feeling guilty, I manipulated Garrett into entering the dance contest, by manipulating McKylie into pretending to like him.
Delia manipulated you into scooping out the pumpkin for her, and you manipulated Lindy into scooping out the pumpkin for you.
Sounds about right.
I just have one question.
Who manipulated you into dancing with me? Nobody.
I just wanted to do it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
He's cute.
Is that your boyfriend? I wish.

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