I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e01 Episode Script
The Lady in the Bottle
-Thank you, Tony.
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-Good Morning.
-How are you feeling, Tony? -Kind of eager, sir.
He's a lucky devil.
Wouldn't want to sit this one out, would you? No, thanks.
lt's my baby.
-Everything checks out, general.
-Good.
Melissa asked me to give you her love.
She wanted to come and see you off but l don't break regulations, not even for my daughter.
-No, sir.
l understand.
-Tony, this is your week.
Up in orbit today and marrying Melissa on Sunday.
We'll throw you a bachelor party when you get back.
All systems A-okay.
Ten seconds to firing.
Nine, eight seven, six, five four, three, two one, zero.
Lift-off.
Status, Control-- -What happened? -Final stage misfired.
He won't be able to maintain orbit.
Control to Stardust One.
Control to Stardust One.
Come in, Tony.
Stardust One to Control.
Final-stage rocket misfired.
We'll have to bring you back.
Stand by.
This is General Stone.
We have an emergency.
Stardust One is coming down.
Alert the Seventh Fleet.
l must have gone further into orbit than l thought.
Well, l've read about genies, but l never thought they really-- lt's like something out of the Arabian Nights.
l suppose if l didn't come along, you'd still be in this.
Wait a minute.
l rescued you.
l rescued-- That means l get a free wish or something.
Genies do that, don't they? Well, of course they do.
Yeah, genie-- l'll tell you what l wish.
l wish there was a big, beautiful P2V right up in the sky, over my head right now.
l have to get a genie that doesn't speak English.
Airplane, airplane.
Airplane, you know.
lt's up in the sky.
Up there, see.
-Simore.
-Yes, yes, yes.
All right, simore.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Genie, take it away.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a simore, all right.
All right, look, forget about the airplane.
l wish for a ship, genie.
A boat.
A boat in the water, in the ocean.
Like this.
A ship.
-Heshti.
-Yes, yes.
Heshti.
You're older than you look.
No.
No, it's-- lt's not right, genie.
lt's not right.
Take it away.
Genie, l wish you could speak English.
Somehow l must find a way to please thee, master.
Forget it.
You'll never be able to please me as long as you don't understa-- You spoke English.
That's all l had to do was say, '' l wish.
'' Thou may ask anything of thy slave, master.
That's very kind of you.
l-- l actually don't need anything at the moment.
Yes, l do.
l need a helicopter.
-Helicopter? -Yes, a helicopter.
lt's a-- Well, it's like an airplane, and it's big, and it's noisy.
Well, it has blades on top.
Makes that kind of a noise.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a helicopter.
That's a helicop-- That's a helicopter! That is a helicopter! Genie, you're marvellous.
l don't know how to thank you.
-l will teach thee, master.
-Wait a minute, genie.
But l-- l gotta get my gear.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, boy.
Wait till l get you back to the base.
-l'll travel anywhere with thee, master.
-Sure.
Sure.
Wait till General Stone sees you.
Genie, l'll never be able to explain you.
Well, l-- l'm setting you free.
Thou hast set me free, master.
Now l belong to thee.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
l rescued you, and you rescued me.
We're even.
l'm going home now, and you-- You go wherever you go.
Okay? Goodbye, genie.
Goodbye.
-Are you a welcome sight.
-Well, so are you.
The world is wondering where you are right now.
-l was wondering myself.
Where am l? -Well, l'm not quite sure.
Storm blew us off course.
-Well, how did you find me? -lnstinct, captain.
lnstinct.
Come on, let's go get your gear.
Yeah, l can't wait to get out of here.
-What, did you lose something? -No.
No, no, it's all right.
You say something? -Did you say anything? -No.
Come on, let's go.
l'm always fascinated by these local courtship customs.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Melissa, excuse us while your fiancé and l have a chat? l'll wait for you outside.
-l'll drive you home? -Wonderful.
Doctor.
Well, l just checked over your report.
You don't seem to suffer any physical after-effects.
No, sir.
-No emotional after-effects? -Not exactly.
-But something.
-Well, it was-- lt was nothing, really.
l-- l sort of had a hallucination.
-Did you? -Yes, yes.
l'd been floating around up there, and l suppose l was dizzy and that, in combination with a lack of oxygen and worry and wishful thinking.
Well, she seemed very real to me at the time.
Of course, l know now that it was just my subconscious.
l knew l was off the beaten track, and that l might never be found, and-- When l saw that bottle on the beach, l-- l hallucinated a genie out of it.
-A genie? -Yes.
A girl genie.
-A girl genie? -Yes.
-What was this genie like? -Oh, she was-- Just your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill genie.
Of course.
-Beautiful? -Yes.
Desirable? -And helpful? -Yes, yes.
Captain, that's the classic fantasy.
A beautiful girl on a desert island.
A girl who would do anything for you.
Do you know who that girl was? No, sir.
l've never seen her before in my life.
-She was your mother.
-My mother's in Salt Lake City, sir.
l'm a psychiatrist.
l know a mother when l see one.
Now, l suggest you go home and get some rest, a lot of it.
Well, thank you.
l feel a lot better getting this off my chest.
For a while there, l was afraid l was cracking up.
-Were you? -Yes.
Goodbye.
Get me General Stone.
Darling, how would you like me to fix dinner for you? That would be wonderful.
Well, that's the least l can do for the conquering hero.
Yeah, some hero.
l didn't even finish the mission.
Well, that really wasn't your fault.
Tony? -ls there someone in your shower? -No.
Of course not.
Who would be taking a shower--? -Goodbye.
-Goodbye? l didn't realize how tired l was.
Well, you look a little tired.
All right, darling.
Of course l understand.
l tell you what.
After l get a little rest l'll pick you up, and we'll go to dinner-- Well.
Well, look-- Look who's here.
l'm looking.
-Melissa, this is-- This is Jeannie.
-Tony.
l've always prided myself on being tolerant, but.
But would you explain to me, what is that girl doing here? Well, that's the explanation.
She's not here.
-What? -Well, she is here but, of course, she's not a girl.
-No-- -Goodbye, Tony.
-No, no.
You don't understand.
-Oh, l'm afraid l do understand.
Tony, l may be tolerant, but-- But that's a girl.
lt's a girl.
What was that one doing here, master? That one was my fiancée.
-Thou art kidding.
-Now, just a minute, young lady.
-Melissa happens to be a very-- -A black-haired demon.
Well, yeah, look who's talking.
l can do much more for thee than she can.
Now, stop that, Jeannie.
We don't do that in America.
l mean, when you're engaged to General Stone's daughter you don't do that in America.
Yes? Hello.
Oh, hi, Eddie.
General Stone's on his way over here? Right.
Right, thanks.
General Stone's on his way-- General Stone's on his way.
You've gotta get out of here right now.
-l'm happy here with thee.
-Oh, but you-- Jeannie, l hate to do this, but l wish you to vanish.
-Where did l go wrong? -Thou hast set me free.
That means that l am free to please thee.
And l am going to please thee very much.
Oh, no.
No, please-- Look, you don't understand.
Please, General Stone's gonna be here any minute.
l'll tell you-- Get back in your bottle, okay? -Back in your bottle, huh? -Oh, thou art so masterful.
Now, Jeannie-- Now, Jeannie, l mean it.
Stop that.
l mean it.
Would you please cut that out? l don't think you understand how really important this is.
This-- l want you to get back in there.
Now, come on, stop playing around.
Please-- Jeannie, look.
Yeah, look.
Jeannie, look.
Look at what l have.
lsn't that pretty? Look, look, look.
See? -lt's a black pearl.
-Yes, yes.
lt's yours.
lt's yours.
Here.
There.
l got you.
Stop.
Bless you.
l'm gonna let you go now, Jeannie, and l-- Thanks for everything.
Have a nice trip.
-Hello, Tony.
-How you doing, boy? -How are you feeling? -Great.
Just great.
Dr.
Bellows told us about your hallucination.
Well, you didn't have to mention that, sir.
lt was nothing really.
lt was just the heat of the excitement.
lt was nothing at all.
l explained it all to him.
Sometimes these hallucinations return, captain.
ln all conscience, l can't qualify you for active duty again until we're certain that you're completely normal.
l am normal.
Absolutely normal.
There's no girl in a bottle.
Dr.
Bellows and l both think-- Excuse me.
Hey, stop! Hey, wait a minute, there's a girl in there.
She must have sneaked past us.
Jeannie? Are you all right? Now, come on, speak to me.
What's with this guy, Charlie? l told you, there's a girl in there.
She's in a bottle.
Well, no wonder we didn't see her.
You're sick.
Hey, stop! Please, no! You could kill her.
-l'll buy the garbage from you.
-What? l'll buy the whole truckload.
-What do you charge for garbage? -We're in a high-class neighbourhood.
l mean, we got a good grade of garbage.
l'll give you $1 0.
Here.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, speak to me.
Please! Jeannie? Jeann-- -Oh, here she is.
Here she is.
-Come along with us, captain.
We'll buy you all the garbage you want.
lt's all right.
No, no, no.
Jeannie, you can come out now.
She saved my life, you know.
Come on out, Jeannie, the general's waiting.
Oh, look, look, look.
Look, look.
See? See? Now, come on.
Yeah, now l see her.
She's really quite -smooth.
She's beautiful.
-Very clear.
You and this girl were inside of this bottle, playing marbles.
-Call the hospital.
-Please-- No, wait.
Sir-- Please.
You really believed me, didn't you, huh? l really had you fooled.
Oh, if you could see the expression on your faces.
What do you mean, you had us fooled? When l was putting you on.
Do you remember the time you locked me in the freezing chamber and left me there, huh? And do you remember the time you blew me out of the wind tunnel? Well, l was just getting back at them, sir.
You mean the whole thing is just a gag? And what a gag.
l really had you guys going, huh? You made it seem remarkably real.
Very interesting.
Well, l hope l didn't carry this too far, general.
You really had me worried, Tony.
l wouldn't want a son-in-law who went around seeing genies, would l? -Well, of course not, sir.
-Rest.
l'll see you in the morning.
-Yes, sir.
-Let's go.
Come on, you guys.
l really had you going.
We thought we'd lost you.
Well, you'll know better than to play practical jokes on me in the future.
Oh, l'm terribly sorry.
Thou deceived me.
l should turn thee into a serpent with two heads.
Now, don't do anything you're gonna feel sorry for.
l trusted thee.
What manner of master art thou? l appreciate everything you've done for me.
Honestly, l do.
But-- Well, there's just no room for you in my life.
l wish you'd take my shirt off, Jeannie.
No, no! l mean, l wish you'd put on your own clothes.
Thanks.
You're just not Air Force, Jeannie.
l have a career.
l have a fiancée.
That one, she's made of ice.
She could never make thee happy.
For over 2000 years l've been in that bottle.
And then.
Then this hand released me.
Oh, when l saw thy wise face l cannot tell thee how much happiness thou hast brought to me.
No, no, no.
No.
Thou must relax.
Wait, wait.
Now, stop.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, put me down.
Jeannie, stop.
Now, is this not better? Well.
Well.
lt beats going into orbit.
How'd you get in that crazy bottle anyway? A wicked and powerful jinn put me in there because l would not marry him.
You poor kid.
lt must have been wild in those days.
Oh, it was.
lt would please thee to see it.
Hey, this is wild.
Ladies-- No, no, no.
Please stop.
We don't do this in Cocoa Beach.
Hey, look, Jeannie, l-- Jeannie, would you please--? Could you--? Lady, would you take this--? Would you stop this.
-Art thou not pleased, master? -Yes-- No! Now, look, they're liable to lock me up now.
Thou art the most stubborn and ungrateful master l've ever served.
Hey, Jeannie.
That's-- That's very kind of you.
You can go.
Disappear now.
Jeannie, don't leave me here.
Don't leave them here.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! Look, l want us to part friends.
l'll tell you what, let's-- Let's go get your bottle and take it down to the beach or somewhere where you won't be seen, and you can take off.
l'm sorry if l hurt your feelings.
So that's what's been going on since l've been out of town! l never saw him before.
But he's got a bottle waiting for you at his place.
-You rotten home wrecker! -No, no, no.
l-- Sir, l wasn't talking to your wife.
l was talking to your smoke.
l thought it was a friend of mine.
Thank you.
Hello, Tony.
We were having a little barbecue, sir.
-Are you going to a costume ball? -No-- Well, l thought l might.
Shall we go inside.
Why don't we stay out here, sir.
lt's so cool.
Tony, let's go inside.
-You won't like it in there.
-Well, why not? -For one thing, l'm redecorating.
-How come you didn't tell me? Wait! Wait, l can explain everything.
lt's very simple-- You all make yourselves comfortable.
That's much better.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Tony, there are certain things that are expected of Melissa's husband.
Yes, sir, l know.
-Find that amusing? -No.
No.
-That's not funny.
-What did you say? Nothing.
Nothing.
You seem very nervous, Tony.
No, sir, l'm fine.
Fine.
Just fine.
l'm gonna recommend a vacation for you.
That's an excellent idea, sir.
Somewhere a long, long way away from here.
That's a wonderful idea.
-l believe in long honeymoons.
-So do l.
So do l.
l know that you've been under a terrible strain, darling.
And l'm-- l'm willing to make allowances up to a point.
But-- You don't want me to make allowances? Oh, l do.
l do.
Get out of that dress.
-What? -l didn't mean you, Melissa.
Tony, when you were up there you didn't meet any unidentified flying objects, did you? Tony's just tired.
After all, he has been through a lot.
You'll never know, Melissa.
l think you're going to feel so much better once we get married.
-Would you get out of here.
-What? Not you.
Not you, sir.
lt's all right, darling.
l think it's time that you should go to bed.
-l think you're absolutely right.
-l'll come by in the morning? lt might be a better idea if l came by to see you.
Naturally, l don't want to find that girl around here anymore.
-Naturally.
-Good night, Tony.
Good night, Dad-- General.
l'm going to see that everything is just fine, darling.
Just fine.
Fine.
Fine.
Good night.
Good night.
Go ahead, laugh.
Laugh, laugh, laugh.
You're laughing, l'm dying.
Well, go ahead, a good laugh.
l'm glad you're enjoying yourself, because the party's over.
Now, listen here, young lady.
l am a grown man.
l won't have someone taking over my life like this.
Do you understand that? l won't-- Jeannie, what are you doing to me? l'm sorry, Jeannie.
You have got to go.
l want you to get on your magic carpet, or however you travel and when l got up in the morning l don't want to see you here.
Do you understand that? Oh, no, you don't! Jeannie.
Jeannie, stop that.
Out.
Out!
-Good morning.
-Good morning.
-Good Morning.
-How are you feeling, Tony? -Kind of eager, sir.
He's a lucky devil.
Wouldn't want to sit this one out, would you? No, thanks.
lt's my baby.
-Everything checks out, general.
-Good.
Melissa asked me to give you her love.
She wanted to come and see you off but l don't break regulations, not even for my daughter.
-No, sir.
l understand.
-Tony, this is your week.
Up in orbit today and marrying Melissa on Sunday.
We'll throw you a bachelor party when you get back.
All systems A-okay.
Ten seconds to firing.
Nine, eight seven, six, five four, three, two one, zero.
Lift-off.
Status, Control-- -What happened? -Final stage misfired.
He won't be able to maintain orbit.
Control to Stardust One.
Control to Stardust One.
Come in, Tony.
Stardust One to Control.
Final-stage rocket misfired.
We'll have to bring you back.
Stand by.
This is General Stone.
We have an emergency.
Stardust One is coming down.
Alert the Seventh Fleet.
l must have gone further into orbit than l thought.
Well, l've read about genies, but l never thought they really-- lt's like something out of the Arabian Nights.
l suppose if l didn't come along, you'd still be in this.
Wait a minute.
l rescued you.
l rescued-- That means l get a free wish or something.
Genies do that, don't they? Well, of course they do.
Yeah, genie-- l'll tell you what l wish.
l wish there was a big, beautiful P2V right up in the sky, over my head right now.
l have to get a genie that doesn't speak English.
Airplane, airplane.
Airplane, you know.
lt's up in the sky.
Up there, see.
-Simore.
-Yes, yes, yes.
All right, simore.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no.
Genie, take it away.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was a simore, all right.
All right, look, forget about the airplane.
l wish for a ship, genie.
A boat.
A boat in the water, in the ocean.
Like this.
A ship.
-Heshti.
-Yes, yes.
Heshti.
You're older than you look.
No.
No, it's-- lt's not right, genie.
lt's not right.
Take it away.
Genie, l wish you could speak English.
Somehow l must find a way to please thee, master.
Forget it.
You'll never be able to please me as long as you don't understa-- You spoke English.
That's all l had to do was say, '' l wish.
'' Thou may ask anything of thy slave, master.
That's very kind of you.
l-- l actually don't need anything at the moment.
Yes, l do.
l need a helicopter.
-Helicopter? -Yes, a helicopter.
lt's a-- Well, it's like an airplane, and it's big, and it's noisy.
Well, it has blades on top.
Makes that kind of a noise.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a helicopter.
That's a helicop-- That's a helicopter! That is a helicopter! Genie, you're marvellous.
l don't know how to thank you.
-l will teach thee, master.
-Wait a minute, genie.
But l-- l gotta get my gear.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, boy.
Wait till l get you back to the base.
-l'll travel anywhere with thee, master.
-Sure.
Sure.
Wait till General Stone sees you.
Genie, l'll never be able to explain you.
Well, l-- l'm setting you free.
Thou hast set me free, master.
Now l belong to thee.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
l rescued you, and you rescued me.
We're even.
l'm going home now, and you-- You go wherever you go.
Okay? Goodbye, genie.
Goodbye.
-Are you a welcome sight.
-Well, so are you.
The world is wondering where you are right now.
-l was wondering myself.
Where am l? -Well, l'm not quite sure.
Storm blew us off course.
-Well, how did you find me? -lnstinct, captain.
lnstinct.
Come on, let's go get your gear.
Yeah, l can't wait to get out of here.
-What, did you lose something? -No.
No, no, it's all right.
You say something? -Did you say anything? -No.
Come on, let's go.
l'm always fascinated by these local courtship customs.
Hello, Dr.
Bellows.
Melissa, excuse us while your fiancé and l have a chat? l'll wait for you outside.
-l'll drive you home? -Wonderful.
Doctor.
Well, l just checked over your report.
You don't seem to suffer any physical after-effects.
No, sir.
-No emotional after-effects? -Not exactly.
-But something.
-Well, it was-- lt was nothing, really.
l-- l sort of had a hallucination.
-Did you? -Yes, yes.
l'd been floating around up there, and l suppose l was dizzy and that, in combination with a lack of oxygen and worry and wishful thinking.
Well, she seemed very real to me at the time.
Of course, l know now that it was just my subconscious.
l knew l was off the beaten track, and that l might never be found, and-- When l saw that bottle on the beach, l-- l hallucinated a genie out of it.
-A genie? -Yes.
A girl genie.
-A girl genie? -Yes.
-What was this genie like? -Oh, she was-- Just your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill genie.
Of course.
-Beautiful? -Yes.
Desirable? -And helpful? -Yes, yes.
Captain, that's the classic fantasy.
A beautiful girl on a desert island.
A girl who would do anything for you.
Do you know who that girl was? No, sir.
l've never seen her before in my life.
-She was your mother.
-My mother's in Salt Lake City, sir.
l'm a psychiatrist.
l know a mother when l see one.
Now, l suggest you go home and get some rest, a lot of it.
Well, thank you.
l feel a lot better getting this off my chest.
For a while there, l was afraid l was cracking up.
-Were you? -Yes.
Goodbye.
Get me General Stone.
Darling, how would you like me to fix dinner for you? That would be wonderful.
Well, that's the least l can do for the conquering hero.
Yeah, some hero.
l didn't even finish the mission.
Well, that really wasn't your fault.
Tony? -ls there someone in your shower? -No.
Of course not.
Who would be taking a shower--? -Goodbye.
-Goodbye? l didn't realize how tired l was.
Well, you look a little tired.
All right, darling.
Of course l understand.
l tell you what.
After l get a little rest l'll pick you up, and we'll go to dinner-- Well.
Well, look-- Look who's here.
l'm looking.
-Melissa, this is-- This is Jeannie.
-Tony.
l've always prided myself on being tolerant, but.
But would you explain to me, what is that girl doing here? Well, that's the explanation.
She's not here.
-What? -Well, she is here but, of course, she's not a girl.
-No-- -Goodbye, Tony.
-No, no.
You don't understand.
-Oh, l'm afraid l do understand.
Tony, l may be tolerant, but-- But that's a girl.
lt's a girl.
What was that one doing here, master? That one was my fiancée.
-Thou art kidding.
-Now, just a minute, young lady.
-Melissa happens to be a very-- -A black-haired demon.
Well, yeah, look who's talking.
l can do much more for thee than she can.
Now, stop that, Jeannie.
We don't do that in America.
l mean, when you're engaged to General Stone's daughter you don't do that in America.
Yes? Hello.
Oh, hi, Eddie.
General Stone's on his way over here? Right.
Right, thanks.
General Stone's on his way-- General Stone's on his way.
You've gotta get out of here right now.
-l'm happy here with thee.
-Oh, but you-- Jeannie, l hate to do this, but l wish you to vanish.
-Where did l go wrong? -Thou hast set me free.
That means that l am free to please thee.
And l am going to please thee very much.
Oh, no.
No, please-- Look, you don't understand.
Please, General Stone's gonna be here any minute.
l'll tell you-- Get back in your bottle, okay? -Back in your bottle, huh? -Oh, thou art so masterful.
Now, Jeannie-- Now, Jeannie, l mean it.
Stop that.
l mean it.
Would you please cut that out? l don't think you understand how really important this is.
This-- l want you to get back in there.
Now, come on, stop playing around.
Please-- Jeannie, look.
Yeah, look.
Jeannie, look.
Look at what l have.
lsn't that pretty? Look, look, look.
See? -lt's a black pearl.
-Yes, yes.
lt's yours.
lt's yours.
Here.
There.
l got you.
Stop.
Bless you.
l'm gonna let you go now, Jeannie, and l-- Thanks for everything.
Have a nice trip.
-Hello, Tony.
-How you doing, boy? -How are you feeling? -Great.
Just great.
Dr.
Bellows told us about your hallucination.
Well, you didn't have to mention that, sir.
lt was nothing really.
lt was just the heat of the excitement.
lt was nothing at all.
l explained it all to him.
Sometimes these hallucinations return, captain.
ln all conscience, l can't qualify you for active duty again until we're certain that you're completely normal.
l am normal.
Absolutely normal.
There's no girl in a bottle.
Dr.
Bellows and l both think-- Excuse me.
Hey, stop! Hey, wait a minute, there's a girl in there.
She must have sneaked past us.
Jeannie? Are you all right? Now, come on, speak to me.
What's with this guy, Charlie? l told you, there's a girl in there.
She's in a bottle.
Well, no wonder we didn't see her.
You're sick.
Hey, stop! Please, no! You could kill her.
-l'll buy the garbage from you.
-What? l'll buy the whole truckload.
-What do you charge for garbage? -We're in a high-class neighbourhood.
l mean, we got a good grade of garbage.
l'll give you $1 0.
Here.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, speak to me.
Please! Jeannie? Jeann-- -Oh, here she is.
Here she is.
-Come along with us, captain.
We'll buy you all the garbage you want.
lt's all right.
No, no, no.
Jeannie, you can come out now.
She saved my life, you know.
Come on out, Jeannie, the general's waiting.
Oh, look, look, look.
Look, look.
See? See? Now, come on.
Yeah, now l see her.
She's really quite -smooth.
She's beautiful.
-Very clear.
You and this girl were inside of this bottle, playing marbles.
-Call the hospital.
-Please-- No, wait.
Sir-- Please.
You really believed me, didn't you, huh? l really had you fooled.
Oh, if you could see the expression on your faces.
What do you mean, you had us fooled? When l was putting you on.
Do you remember the time you locked me in the freezing chamber and left me there, huh? And do you remember the time you blew me out of the wind tunnel? Well, l was just getting back at them, sir.
You mean the whole thing is just a gag? And what a gag.
l really had you guys going, huh? You made it seem remarkably real.
Very interesting.
Well, l hope l didn't carry this too far, general.
You really had me worried, Tony.
l wouldn't want a son-in-law who went around seeing genies, would l? -Well, of course not, sir.
-Rest.
l'll see you in the morning.
-Yes, sir.
-Let's go.
Come on, you guys.
l really had you going.
We thought we'd lost you.
Well, you'll know better than to play practical jokes on me in the future.
Oh, l'm terribly sorry.
Thou deceived me.
l should turn thee into a serpent with two heads.
Now, don't do anything you're gonna feel sorry for.
l trusted thee.
What manner of master art thou? l appreciate everything you've done for me.
Honestly, l do.
But-- Well, there's just no room for you in my life.
l wish you'd take my shirt off, Jeannie.
No, no! l mean, l wish you'd put on your own clothes.
Thanks.
You're just not Air Force, Jeannie.
l have a career.
l have a fiancée.
That one, she's made of ice.
She could never make thee happy.
For over 2000 years l've been in that bottle.
And then.
Then this hand released me.
Oh, when l saw thy wise face l cannot tell thee how much happiness thou hast brought to me.
No, no, no.
No.
Thou must relax.
Wait, wait.
Now, stop.
Jeannie.
Jeannie, put me down.
Jeannie, stop.
Now, is this not better? Well.
Well.
lt beats going into orbit.
How'd you get in that crazy bottle anyway? A wicked and powerful jinn put me in there because l would not marry him.
You poor kid.
lt must have been wild in those days.
Oh, it was.
lt would please thee to see it.
Hey, this is wild.
Ladies-- No, no, no.
Please stop.
We don't do this in Cocoa Beach.
Hey, look, Jeannie, l-- Jeannie, would you please--? Could you--? Lady, would you take this--? Would you stop this.
-Art thou not pleased, master? -Yes-- No! Now, look, they're liable to lock me up now.
Thou art the most stubborn and ungrateful master l've ever served.
Hey, Jeannie.
That's-- That's very kind of you.
You can go.
Disappear now.
Jeannie, don't leave me here.
Don't leave them here.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie.
Jeannie! Look, l want us to part friends.
l'll tell you what, let's-- Let's go get your bottle and take it down to the beach or somewhere where you won't be seen, and you can take off.
l'm sorry if l hurt your feelings.
So that's what's been going on since l've been out of town! l never saw him before.
But he's got a bottle waiting for you at his place.
-You rotten home wrecker! -No, no, no.
l-- Sir, l wasn't talking to your wife.
l was talking to your smoke.
l thought it was a friend of mine.
Thank you.
Hello, Tony.
We were having a little barbecue, sir.
-Are you going to a costume ball? -No-- Well, l thought l might.
Shall we go inside.
Why don't we stay out here, sir.
lt's so cool.
Tony, let's go inside.
-You won't like it in there.
-Well, why not? -For one thing, l'm redecorating.
-How come you didn't tell me? Wait! Wait, l can explain everything.
lt's very simple-- You all make yourselves comfortable.
That's much better.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Tony, there are certain things that are expected of Melissa's husband.
Yes, sir, l know.
-Find that amusing? -No.
No.
-That's not funny.
-What did you say? Nothing.
Nothing.
You seem very nervous, Tony.
No, sir, l'm fine.
Fine.
Just fine.
l'm gonna recommend a vacation for you.
That's an excellent idea, sir.
Somewhere a long, long way away from here.
That's a wonderful idea.
-l believe in long honeymoons.
-So do l.
So do l.
l know that you've been under a terrible strain, darling.
And l'm-- l'm willing to make allowances up to a point.
But-- You don't want me to make allowances? Oh, l do.
l do.
Get out of that dress.
-What? -l didn't mean you, Melissa.
Tony, when you were up there you didn't meet any unidentified flying objects, did you? Tony's just tired.
After all, he has been through a lot.
You'll never know, Melissa.
l think you're going to feel so much better once we get married.
-Would you get out of here.
-What? Not you.
Not you, sir.
lt's all right, darling.
l think it's time that you should go to bed.
-l think you're absolutely right.
-l'll come by in the morning? lt might be a better idea if l came by to see you.
Naturally, l don't want to find that girl around here anymore.
-Naturally.
-Good night, Tony.
Good night, Dad-- General.
l'm going to see that everything is just fine, darling.
Just fine.
Fine.
Fine.
Good night.
Good night.
Go ahead, laugh.
Laugh, laugh, laugh.
You're laughing, l'm dying.
Well, go ahead, a good laugh.
l'm glad you're enjoying yourself, because the party's over.
Now, listen here, young lady.
l am a grown man.
l won't have someone taking over my life like this.
Do you understand that? l won't-- Jeannie, what are you doing to me? l'm sorry, Jeannie.
You have got to go.
l want you to get on your magic carpet, or however you travel and when l got up in the morning l don't want to see you here.
Do you understand that? Oh, no, you don't! Jeannie.
Jeannie, stop that.
Out.
Out!