I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s01e19 Episode Script

What are you doing with this mummy case, master? And where is the mummy? This is a steamer trunk, Jeannie.
lt's used for travelling.
We are going on a journey! Oh, master, what a wonderful surprise! Oh, good, good.
l've got a bigger surprise for you.
You're not going.
-You're taking a journey without me? -Yeah, that's right, Jeannie.
l'm sorry.
This is official business, and-- Well, the government's sending me to the lnternational Air Show in Rome.
-Rome? -Yeah.
You probably knew it as ''Gaul.
'' Oh, it was divided into three parts.
Yeah, that's the place.
l want to go see the chariot races.
There's a new young driver they speak very highly of.
Ben Hur? l keep forgetting.
You're not a kid.
-l may go? -No, l'm afraid not.
lt's gonna be three weeks, what with the boat trip and all.
You're crossing the ocean by ship? Yeah, l wanted to fly, but Dr.
Bellows thought the ocean voyage would do me good.
Jeannie, what do you think you're doing? Get this thing off of me.
Come on.
Master, you must not go.
Ships are not safe.
l was shipwrecked for 2000 years before you found me on that island and rescued me from my bottle.
Jeannie, you were travelling in little wooden boats.
l'm gonna be on a great big steel-hulled ship.
Must weigh 30,000 tons.
Thirty thou--? Oh, that will go down even faster! Oh, master, if you insist on risking your life this way l must go to protect you.
Jeannie, l don't need any protection.
l'm gonna be as safe as.
Well, l'll be as safe as that ship in that bottle.
-Dr.
Bellows, morning.
-Good morning, Captain Nelson.
-You'll soon be off, won't you? -l'm looking forward to my trip, sir.
Not as much as l am, captain.
Not as much as l am.
Yeah.
-Hi, Roge.
-Tony, Tony.
-Where is she? -Where's who? Where's who? -Where's who? -You know who.
Jeannie.
Well, Roger, l don't carry her around in my pocket.
She's at home in her bottle.
Gee, that's wonderful.
Certainly glad you found her instead of me.
You really are? l mean, a lot of guys would envy you, but not me.
You really know how to handle a situation like this.
Thanks, Roge.
l've got everything in life l need.
Well, l'm very glad to hear that.
l have a staff meeting.
l'll see you at lunch, huh? Yeah.
Lunch.
Now, where was l in my little list? Let's see, l had the new sofa, end table, lamps, colour TV.
How about a coloured TV for the bedroom? Why not? Colour TV for bedroom.
Gee, l.
l wonder how she does that, anyway? lt's just amazing.
lt's.
Captain Healey? lt worked! lt worked! Thanks.
Now, blink-- Blink my heart out of my mouth.
-Did l just bring you here? -No.
l came because l'm worried about my master and l need your help.
You need my help? That's a switch.
You are my master's best friend.
You might say that.
We're buddies.
Then you must try to convince him that he must take me with him to Rome.
Take you to Rome? -l'm sorry, Jeannie, l can't do that.
-But why not? For two reasons: selfishness and greed.
l was hoping he'd lend you to me while he was away.
My master lend me to you? Well, l lend him my golf clubs.
lt's only for a couple of weeks.
l thought we'd pick up a few knickknacks-- -Golf clubs? -Rolls-Royce-- And you believed he would do this? That he would pass my bottle from hand to hand as if it were a bottle? -Well, it's only for a couple of-- -l mean, does he care so little for me? Back home we have an old saying.
With someone like you for a friend, Captain Healey who needs an enemy? lmagine that.
They had a Captain Healey back in those days.
l better make a note of that.
Keep bottle corked whenever possible.
Yeah? Yes, Captain Nelson here.
Captain, this is Dr.
Bellows.
A problem has arisen about your trip.
-About my trip, sir? -Yes.
There's been a slight change in plans, captain.
What kind of change, sir? You will be travelling by plane instead of by ship.
Well, just a minute ago you told me-- Never mind what I said a few minutes ago, captain.
I don't want you to go by boat.
-Understand? -Yes, yes.
l understand, Dr.
Bellows.
You don't want me to go by boat.
Who says l don't? Well, you do, sir, or else l'd still be going.
Captain, to whom are you talking? l'm talking to Dr.
Bellows, Dr.
Bellows.
-You're talking to me? -Yes.
Well, it sounds like you.
Must be the wrong number.
l'm sorry.
You have the wrong number.
Yes.
l just came in to give you your ticket.
-Well, thank you, sir.
-Not at all, captain.
ln my opinion we can't get you on that boat a moment too soon.
Captain Healey.
-Well, what's bugging him? -l am.
l was talking to him on the phone when he walked in.
You were? Well, look, l'm gonna take you down to the boat.
l don't want anything to happen to you.
And don't worry about a thing while you're away.
l'll check your mail and take care of your laundry wash your car and, you know, things like that.
You want to give me the keys to your house? That's very nice of you, Roge.
What do you want the keys for? l thought l could water your plants and feed your parakeet.
l don't have a parakeet.
You do now.
Say hello to Seymour.
No.
You don't want to say hello to Seymour? No, l don't want to give you the key to my house.
-And tell Jeannie it won't work.
-What won't work? You had a talk with Jeannie about my trip, right? A little talk, not too much-- And she asked you to talk me into taking her with me, right? Well, she did mention it.
-But you wouldn't do it, would you? -Of course.
We're buddies.
Well, forget it! l did not send him.
Morning, Dr.
Bellows.
That can't be Dr.
Bellows.
He wears his hair shorter.
l'm sorry about tricking you.
Oh, no, no.
You're sorry your trick didn't work.
l am going on a boat l am going alone, and that's final.
Roger, would you please tell her that boats are safe.
Boats are safe.
There is the Titanic, the Lusitania, the Normandie.
Jeannie.
Oh, hi.
Say, would you hand me a pair of pliers? There's a smaller pair over on top of the bookcase, please.
Thanks.
-How are you feeling, master? -Fine.
Just great.
Never felt better.
Why? Oh, l just wondered.
Now, Jeannie, don't try to outsmart me.
l feel wonderful, in great physical health and l'm gonna remain that way.
Of course, master.
l don't suppose it ever entered your mind that if l were ill or had an accident, l couldn't go to Rome.
Well, it did occur to me.
Jeannie, you wouldn't do that to me.
Promise me you-- What is a sprained ankle or an aching back if it saves your life? No, you don't, young lady.
Where is that--? Oh, here it is.
Swear you won't let anything that's in this book happen to me.
What is the book? The Unabridged International Medical Encyclopaedia of Diseases, Accidents and Allergies.
Swear.
Thanks.
l think.
Oh, look, look.
This ought to convince you that the S.
S.
Sorrento is not a slave galley.
Here.
Look, look.
Here it is.
Jeannie.
Beautiful? Well Oh, master, l would not worry so much if l could go with you.
Jeannie, l would love to take you with me.
Now, you know that.
l love having you around.
-Do you really? -Of course l do.
Oh, you're lovely.
You're magic.
But l don't mean ''magic'' magic.
l mean, magic.
Oh, master.
l am so glad you are taking me with you.
l'm not.
You are leaving me here? How would it look if l walked into the conference with a genie on my arm? We've advanced quite a bit in research, but that's ridiculous.
-l say l will be there.
-And l say you won't.
And what power will you use to stop me? The power l have up here.
You see, you're forcing me to do something l really don't wanna do.
-l'm gonna have to make a phone call.
-Whom are you calling? l'm calling.
No.
On second thought, l will call from my bedroom.
Gotcha.
You tricked me! Oh, l don't know.
lt doesn't exactly have your razzle-dazzle but it's not bad for a mortal like me.
Please let me out! l'll let you out when l get back from Rome.
l'll write.
-Say, Tony, you got a minute? -Sure.
l wanted to ask you a question.
Well, what's on your mind? -Would you like a cup of coffee? -No, no, thanks.
l really wanna get back to the office.
Got a million things to clean up before l leave.
Well, l bet Jeannie's really excited about the trip, huh? Oh, well, Jeannie's not going.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, l'm positive.
Why, l never thought you could do it.
You just have to be firm with her, that's all.
And a little sneaky.
What'd you want to ask me? Roge, what'd you want to ask me? l wanted to ask if you wanted a cup of coffee.
No.
No, thanks.
-l'll take a rain check, all right? -Yeah.
Let me see.
Where was l? New golf clubs.
Gotta get new golf clubs.
How about a cabin cruiser? How about a 40-foot cabin cruiser? How about a 50-foot cabin cruiser? How about a 60-foot cabin cruiser? l just came in to talk to you about your friend, Captain Healey.
-What's Roger done now? -Well, l'm not quite sure.
There's something very peculiar going on.
Has he inherited a large sum of money recently? No.
No, not that l know of.
Why? He's started his own anti-poverty program here at the base.
-l beg your pardon? -Well, it began this morning when reports began to trickle through that he'd given Bowens his television and Carruthers his hi-fi.
Well, he's a very generous man.
l'm sure there's some ex-- Then l heard about the gift he gave Lieutenant Lonsdale.
Lonsdale just got married, sir.
He's entitled to a little wedding present.
Three rooms of furniture? -Three rooms of furniture? -And his car.
His car? He said he didn't need it anymore.
lt had a dented fender.
l think l have an idea what's happening to Captain Healey.
So have l.
He's suffering from acute megalomania.
He needs an ocean voyage.
l want you to take him along with you.
That way you can keep an eye on each other.
Yes, well, l think that's a wonderful idea, sir.
Yeah, don't worry about Roger.
l'll watch out for him.
And of course you don't have to worry about me.
You know what l am.
l'm in deep trouble.
Captain, did you say you're in deep trouble? Yes.
Yes, sir.
lf l-- lf l don't finish my reports before l leave, they won't let me go.
Thank you very much for dropping in, sir.
Jeannie, l think-- lf you don't mind.
-Who let you out of the bottle? -Captain Healey.
Roger, the megalomaniac.
Because l love you, l will give you a choice.
Oh, thanks! What kind of lap dog would you like to be? l don't know.
What kind have you got? -Wait.
You wouldn't do that to me.
-lt's the only way l can trust you.
-Now, you can't do that! -Watch.
No, l mean, you can do that, but, well, you shouldn't.
You wouldn't be able to talk to me.
l would not be able to talk to you if you went to Rome without me.
Jeannie, that's blackmail! lt's out and out blackmail! lt is an ancient Carthaginian custom.
Okay, okay.
-All right, fine.
You can go.
-Oh, thank you, master! Now, you go and get in your bottle and l'll take you with me.
Now, wait! Now, look.
Please, be reasonable, will you? -How you gonna go not in your bottle? -As a woman.
An American woman.
Don't be ridiculous.
You'd never get away with it.
Hey.
Hey, you look beautiful.
-Thank you, master.
-No, l mean it.
You're the most beautiful genie a man ever had.
-Am l? -Yeah.
But you can't go as a woman.
-A man? -Jeannie, be reasonable.
You don't have a passport.
They won't even let you sail on the ship.
Oh, well, then l will get a passport.
No.
Tell you what, l'll make a deal with you.
lf you can get a passport-- And no magic.
--then we'll leave the bottle here.
But if you can't, you travel in the bottle.
lt is a deal.
Fine.
l'll- l'll drive you down to the passport office in Miami.
Well, that-- That certainly ought to impress them.
Thou art wonderful to help me, master.
lt's my pleasure.
There.
lt is finished.
You fill everything out? Well, l ran out of spaces where it said '' list previous addresses'' so l just listed those places l lived until 200 A.
D.
Good, good.
That shows you're not trying to hide anything.
Oh, l'm sorry, Mrs.
Medford you didn't fill in the back of the application.
Oh, dear.
Well, l'll be right back.
How these people ever find their way through Europe.
Well, good for you.
You've filled in both sides, huh? We should have you processed in no time.
Birthplace, Babylon? l'll fill in New York.
Mother, Fatima.
Father, Mustafa.
-Mustafa what? -Mustafa the camel driver.
Yes, but what was his last name? Oh, he did not need a last name.
Everyone in the village knew him.
Yes.
You know how popular local camel drivers are.
Well, if it will help, l have an old passport.
Oh, well, why didn't you say so? That'll be a great help.
Babylonian passport? Oh, signed by King Nebuchadnezzar himself.
See? lt is not valid for travel in Carthage, Phoenicia or North Mesopotamia.
lt's not valid here, either.
You'll have to present a birth certificate or bring someone who's known you for two years.
Oh, well, Captain Nelson knows me.
He will vouch for me.
-Oh, yes.
l'll vouch for her.
-Well, that's different.
How long have you known this young lady, captain? -Six months.
-l'm afraid that won't do.
-But why not? -l couldn't lie.
-He's a perfectly good friend.
-Jeannie, they have their rules.
-You knew about this.
-Yeah, Jeannie, look.
We tried, right? Better luck next time.
Tell you what.
l'll phone the base, tell them l'll be late.
And then l'll take you out to dinner on the town.
Okay? Bye.
Hi, beautiful.
Haven't we met somewhere before? l do not think so.
Sure.
Atlantic City.
-You mean Atlantis? -Sure.
Two years ago, sweetheart.
We were sweethearts two years ago? -l remember it like it was yesterday.
-You're sure it was l? -Baby, l'd swear to it.
-Thank you! Sir, l have found an old friend who will swear he has known me for two years.
What is this? You may be beautiful but you're not worth a federal perjury rap.
Forget it.
For an old friend, he was not very friendly, was he? Seems to be more red tape in getting a passport these days.
lt wasn't like that in 1 931 .
Listen, you were so anxious to get out of Chicago after what happened that summer, you didn't notice the red tape.
l still get nightmares from it.
That rainy day, that car coming down the street gangsters shooting that barbershop, me right in the middle.
Why, l wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for that brave girl risking her life by throwing me down on the sidewalk.
A regular Joan of Arc.
Did you ever find out who she was? Never.
She saved my life and disappeared.
To this day, l couldn't tell you what she looked like but everything else is as vivid today as it was then.
lt's the strangest thing.
What? l just relived that whole incident again.
For the first time l saw the face of the girl who saved my life.
She was blond and blue-eyed.
Very pretty.
That's her! That's the girl who saved my life! Well, you're the girl who saved my life! Remember? Thirty years ago? Those gangsters? -Dearborn Street? -Of course! ln front of the barbershop.
Oh, l knew l was right.
Oh, isn't this a thrill? Why, you don't look a day older.
Oh, neither do you.
What are you doing here? l'm trying to get a passport, but they insist on a witness who has known me for two years and l cannot think of anyone in town.
What about me? You are sure you would not mind? Mind? l've been waiting 30 years to do something for you.
Come along.
Oh, it's you again.
l have brought an old friend.
Now, may l have my passport? Not so fast.
-How long have you known this lady? -Thirty years.
Thirty years? May l have my passport now? She saved my life in Chicago 30 years ago.
She saved your life in Chicago 30 years ago? According to her application, she wasn't even born then.
-Well, she must have made a mistake.
-She must have.
May l have my passport now? What is your friend's name? -lt's-- -l asked her.
Johnny.
lt happens to be a federal offence to try to obtain a passport by fraudulent means.
l'm going to have to hold the both of you for federal-- Well, where did she go? Well, l don't know.
Maybe back to Chicago.
Gonna give a cocktail party? Good, good.
For the whole base? You know what you're doing? Well, l hope so.
Roger, l think somebody wants to use the phone.
Yeah, yeah.
l'll talk to you later.
-What happened? -You won, master.
l did not get the passport, so l will go with you in the bottle.
Oh, that's wonderful, Jeannie.
Good girl.
-What's the matter? -Oh, it is nothing.
l just saved a woman's life from some gangsters in Chicago.
Do you mind? That'll do it.
Get new drapes.
Put a nice, long sofa here in front of the fireplace.
Coloured television right there.
lt's open! Get rid of that picture.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Hey, hey, what's--? What's going on around here? l'm redecorating.
Yeah, but where's the furniture and the sofa and the-- Your dining room stuff? l gave it all away.
Where's Jeannie? l thought you said you were giving a farewell cocktail party for the whole base? Oh, l am.
Are you kidding? l've got Dr.
Bellows, General Peterson.
All the brass are coming.
This is gonna be a real daddy of a party.
We'll have champagne, caviar, a dance band, everything.
Where'd you say Jeannie was? They're gonna be here any minute.
You know that? What are you so nervous about? Just relax.
This whole place is gonna be transformed in the blink of an eye.
Where'd you say Jeannie was? She's in her bottle in my luggage aboard the ship.
She's where? --all have a wonderful time and-- Well.
Ask her to move over.