I Hate Christmas (2022) s01e02 Episode Script


I bought a calendar.
Just something simple
to keep me updated on my anxiety. [laughs]
There are 20 days until Christmas. Mm-hmm.
Twenty days to find a boyfriend.
That's really easy.
Everyone knows that, of course. [laughs]
So simple.
A little bit like riding a bike, right?
As soon as you start pedalling, then
[sighs] Well, I'll give it a go.
Bicycle number one,
I started out with the best intentions,
okay? I really did.
Compared to all those grill freaks,
Nicola seemed like a normal person.
[Nicola] Then they say
you're just a small-town professor.
Well, it's still better
than being an assistant, right?
Because you're the one
managing the situation.
A bit like you.
Doctors compared to nurses.
You said you work at the hospital.
You're a doctor, right?
- No, I'm a nurse.
- [Nicola] Oh.
[Didi] Stop!
It's quite obvious.
He thought you were a doctor,
ignoring the rivalry
between doctors and nurses,
and you got pissed off and laid into him.
Uh, excuse me?
He was the one ignoring me. Really!
I was starving, really starving,
and he didn't even notice.
Did you tell him?
Of course!
[loud crunching]
What's your take on this
huge gap between those who have a lot
and those who have nothing?
I mean, when talking about
the allocation of food in the world,
of famine, of world hunger?
How do you mean?
Nothing. Don't worry.
Can I at least have a bit of celery?
- [Nicola] Of course. Help yourself.
- Thanks!
So kind.
[music slows, rewinds]
Let alone when Caterina arrived.
He was really rude.
No, hold on, sorry. [laughs]
And you really had
Caterina sit at your table?
- [Gianna] And so, that's it
- [Caterina] Hey!
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you. I found another one.
So he leaves these
on your bike every morning?
Yeah, or I find them on my bike
in the evening
when I close the bar at home time.
And when it rains,
he puts them in little boxes.
How sweet! But how can you be sure
it's Thomas leaving them for you?
Well, who else could it be?
I suppose so. Hmm!
Sorry, the the origami thing
is interesting, but could I pay, please?
- Of course. I'll bring you your change.
- Thank you.
[upbeat music playing]
[Gianna] He offered her money.
Money! Do you get it?
I get it. He offered her money
because she is the owner of the bar.
Otherwise, it would've been theft.
Uh, yes,
but there are other ways of doing it.
You can come up with ways that's more
Anyway, that's nothing.
The best part is still to come.
After drinks, we went to the cinema.
Okay, sorry, let's recap because,
first, the bar with your virgin friend,
and then the cinema?
There was a Christmas event
where they were showing Love Actually.
Love Actually?
I mean, a film from 20 years ago
that still makes you cry today.
Uh, I don't cry at Love Actually.
[film playing in background]
[funky music playing]
I got my style ♪
Have I already mentioned
that there are 20 days until Christmas?
Yeah, I said it. I said it earlier.
It's insane. That film always manages
to make me cry. Every time!
Hmm. Crying over something ridiculous
happens to everyone at some point.
Well, Love Actually isn't ridiculous.
It's a masterpiece.
The perfect romantic comedy.
It's a bit of an outdated romantic comedy.
And it's full of clichés about women.
Like the doctor-nurse cliché, for example?
[music rewinds]
You're right.
He made that joke about nurses,
I got offended, and I lost my mind.
I'm an idiot.
I'm sure making out on the doorstep
will have made him forget all about it.
You did make out
on the doorstep, didn't you?
Well, we
Okay, firstly, nurses are
just as important as doctors,
if not more sometimes.
Secondly, I was hungry. Chips, okay?
Thirdly, Hugh Grant falls in love
with a curvy girl.
That's not a cliché.
It's a dream come true!
- That's not what I was saying
- I don't want your opinion.
Okay? The only thing I want is
to find a normal enough guy
to take home to Christmas dinner
at my parents'. That's all.
Yes, but if you carry on like this,
it's gonna be hard.
[footsteps retreating]
I don't understand men any more.
And I've even turned into a bitch!
No, Giannina.
Okay, let's just call that a trial run.
And anyway, being a bit of a bitch
with men never hurt anyone.
But now I think it's time to focus
on more important things.
Don't move. You look beautiful.
[camera clicks]
Hold on. Perfect for what?
- No, for
- No, give it to me.
- But
- No! No, no, no, no, no!
No Tinder. That looks really desperate.
If you think it looks desperate,
maybe that's because you are.
That's why we're here
talking about this, isn't it?
[upbeat music playing]
Great. Well, if you don't need
any more help from me, I'll get going.
Are you coming in or going out?
Uh, both. I slept four hours,
and now I have a hearing.
A crazy day.
See you later! Oh, Gianna
Have a think about Tinder
because men don't just fall from the sky.
[upbeat music continues]
[Gianna] Up until high school,
it's guys who hit on girls.
Maybe it's all the hormones,
or that girls grow up faster.
But there seem to be
loads more men than women.
Then, suddenly, everything changes.
In 2001, I was too young to understand
that Geri Halliwell was right.
Finding a man at 30 is a miracle.
You might as well
pray for them to fall from the sky.
Ooh, sorry! Sorry!
- Sorry, I didn't see you there.
- That happens to me often.
Are you from around here?
Yes. Yes, I'm from around here.
I'll give you my number then.
Oh. Oh, okay. [chuckles]
Oh! If you want, you could put it in.
You don't want to.
Okay. [chuckles]
Anyway, you can find me at the market,
if you need anything.
Okay. Then bye.
[man] Bye.
- My name's Mario.
- [laughs]
[upbeat music playing]
[Gianna] I don't know how to do it.
I don't know how to have a relationship.
Come on. Cheer up.
You're just a bit scared, that's all.
Instead, you need to learn to
to put yourself out there, enjoy life,
learn to have fun, go out!
Who would want to go out with me,
now that I've become bitter and bitchy?
Have you seen yourself?
You're wonderful, inside and out.
What more do you want?
You just need to
Here, for example. Sit up straight.
Straight, straight. Come on. Look at you.
Show off how beautiful you are.
Oh! Chest out.
- What? Like this?
- [Matilde] That's it. Yes. Big smile.
- There you are! And you're good to go.
- Natural.
- Like this?
- That's how you do it. Be proud! Come on!
Yes. Not too stiff though.
Flow a bit. Yes!
Swing those hips a bit.
Just a bit. A bit less!
Yes! Well done!
[Gianna laughs]
Sorry! Oh, sorry! Dammit.
[Gianna gasps] Oh!
Well, I see you've done your rounds.
Looks like you're taking over his job too.
Uh, no, I just I [clears throat]
Sorry. I'm really sorry.
I didn't see you. [laughs nervously]
[phone beeps]
I got, I got my style ♪
I got, I got my style ♪
And it's all right ♪
Hi. [laughs nervously]
- [Gianna chuckles]
- Hi!
[Mario] Uh, I'm glad you stopped by.
I didn't think that you were,
uh, a fish market girl.
I mean, I thought
you were more of a sushi girl.
Then again, for sushi, you still
have to go to a fish market! [chuckles]
Yeah, if you make it yourself.
Otherwise, you go to a restaurant.
Oh, right. Yes. Of course.
You hold on.
[upbeat music playing]
Oh! [chuckles]
Is it nice?
It's fresh.
You still haven't asked me out though.
That's why you came, isn't it?
[music rewinds]
Yes, of course that's why.
[laughs sarcastically]
No, it's because I'm desperate!
But not desperate enough
to succumb to Tinder.
I said to myself, "Gianna,
you're the problem. You're too strict."
"Give this man a chance. Why not?"
And so here is my second bike.
My father has a delicatessen.
But he's always loved fishing,
so he used to take me with him
on his boat when I was little.
He taught me how to fish.
I enjoyed it.
- Don't you go any more?
- No, we haven't been for years now.
You should definitely go fishing
with your father.
Family traditions are
incredibly important.
Even if women
don't know how to fish. Anyway
[gasps] Bissiole!
[Mario] Come on!
These are just here for tourists.
My mum makes them!
I'm sure the ones your mum makes
are better, but but I, hmm
would like
Can I? Just these. Thank you.
- Mmm. They're nice.
- [groans]
[Gianna] Mm?
Now we're gonna have fun. [chuckles]
Just so you know,
we have to win the giant bear.
Oh, okay. I'm game.
Let's go.
- [shot fired]
- [Gianna sighs] No good! Never mind.
[Mario] I'll show you.
So legs apart,
bend your knees,
then you have to aim
from the viewfinder to the target.
You know, I think if you want to hit it
in the middle, you need to go a bit
Aim a bit higher. That's it.
- [shot fired]
- I hit it!
- Yes! Well, yes.
- [Mario] I hit it!
No. No. No. It has to fall.
What do you mean, "No"?
- [man] If it's not precise, it won't fall.
- Come on!
[Gianna] Look, it's the game that's
Tell him I hit it!
No! Never mind. It doesn't matter.
What do you mean?
It might not matter to you maybe!
My mum might have liked that massive toy.
His mother might like it.
Seeing as it doesn't matter to you,
that means I'll give it to her. All right?
[shot fired]
Bull's-eye! I hit it!
Did you see anything fall?
- I got it!
- It has to fall. It has to
Can you just tell him I got it?
If you want to have another go, you can.
- That way, I give you another five euros
- It's not important.
- That's what we're here for.
- It's rigged. It's stuck on the bottom.
- There's a guy under there!
- It's not rigged.
- It will never fall! Never!
- [man] It's not rigged!
- They're just normal tin cans.
- Shall we go?
- Whatever! Normal tin cans! All right.
- Let's go and have tea.
- Follow the lady. Go on. Go!
- Thank you. Goodbye.
- [Mario] You have to let me check.
- [man] No, no, no!
- Let me through!
- I'm not showing you!
[men continue arguing]
[Mario] Show me!
They won't be seeing me in this place
ever again. They can just jog on!
[laughing] Of course not.
Also because they've now banned you
from the Christmas market! [laughs]
You should be on my side,
no matter what, regardless.
You're confusing me with your mother.
What a saint!
Well, she would have at least
played as a team.
Between you and me,
there's just something lacking.
No symphony.
Symphony? Anyway, yes,
there was no symphony for me either.
You need to get down
off of your high horse.
You need to roll your sleeves up,
get involved.
No, no. Hold on. The problem is
that you were obsessed
with getting a giant teddy
for your mother.
I let you go for it. I gave you more than
one chance. Do you have any idea?
Oh, but but
Excuse me! Letting me express myself
means that you turn around
whilst we're talking and walk away?
- Gianna!
- [moaning] Why am I so stupid?
Thomas, Thomas, Thomas.
I'm begging you, help me.
Buy me a drink. I went out with
- Oh, okay.
- Gianna!
- I think we need to talk.
- No, I've finished talking.
Well, I haven't finished talking.
She's coming to have a drink with me.
[Gianna] Yes.
All right. Do I look like I give a damn?
No! No problem.
Apart from the fact that we didn't win
the teddy bear because of her!
And I wasn't able to give it to my mum,
as the teddy bear didn't matter to her.
No, that's all right.
All right. All right.
- Right, he
- Is he supposed to be
No, he's no one
Hey! And anyway,
if you decide one day to buy some mussels,
don't come to my stall.
All right? Not to my stall!
You can!
- Sorry. No, no, no.
- Is that your type, or
Okay, I'll explain.
Basically, yesterday, I met
Gianna, do you really have plans
to bring him to mum's house?
No! He's
My house is that way!
Over there
are the children's rides you like!
Don't worry. Never mind.
Um, what are you doing out at this time?
- Uh, what do you think?
- Oh, of course.
The dog that Giacomo wanted so much.
Guess who has to take him out?
Right. Of course.
Midnight is a bit late for Giacomo.
Why don't you give it a go?
Working all day, food shopping,
keeping the house tidy,
taking the children
to their sports activities, homework,
putting the children to bed
after having given them dinner,
loading the dishwasher, calling mum,
and taking the dog out before midnight.
Maybe Guido could give you a hand
now and then?
I'm going to die soon, I feel.
Maybe then you'll understand.
- [sighs]
- Maybe we could have a drink first?
- Great idea!
- And we'll get some water for him too.
Gorgeous! I love dogs, you know?
I can take him out for you some time.
- Really?
- [Thomas] Yeah.
Guys, I think I'd better go home. Bye.
Excuse me.
Look, would you really take my dog out?
[laughs] Thank you!
[Margherita] Gianna,
I've found the right man.
His name is Carlo.
He's one of Guido's clients.
And how do you know he's the right one?
He's a successful businessman. Hmm?
He's good-looking, single,
rich and fulfilled.
What more could you want?
Besides, he's in a wheelchair.
So the chances of something very serious
happening to him again are very slim.
If I'd found someone like that,
I wouldn't have to iron every day.
Well, honestly, you should stop ironing
Guido's pants, seriously.
Yeah, sure.
I'll send him out in crinkled trousers.
He has an accident,
goes to hospital, gets undressed,
and they'll say,
"What kind of wife has this man got?"
Sure. That's definitely
the first thing they'd think. Definitely.
Whatever. Anyway, he's a businessman
so can pay for someone to do his ironing.
That's one less problem
if he ends up in hospital.
- Come on.
- Okay.
What kind of a businessman is he, exactly?
Just dress up.
You'll see.
Balls hanging low
While I pop a bottle off a yacht ♪
Chain swinging, clang, clang
And it cost a lot ♪
Bitch, I'm always after guala, yeah
And you're not ♪
Badass B keep on goin'
Till you hit the spot ♪
Whoa! Never ever fall for a daddy
That's a no ♪
I hate my sister right now. [chuckles]
I'm guessing she didn't say
you'd be walking among the vineyards?
No. [laughs]
As you can see, I got around that problem.
So this whole wine estate is all yours?
Mm-hmm. From this vineyard, you can see
all three
of the Prosecco production areas.
It's a real gem, isn't it?
So on this side,
the Prosecco DOC vines branch out.
Can you see how lustful it is?
Lu luscious?
No, no, lustful.
It makes you want to enjoy its beauty
without setting yourself limits.
- [chuckles]
- Are you able to let go of your limit?
Oh, well. We'll have to work on that.
[both laugh]
These vines where we're walking
produce Asolo Prosecco.
And over there
are the Conegliano Valdobbiadene hills.
- They're a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
- They're beautiful.
The vineyards lace the hillsides
like a tailor-made dress.
Have you ever worn
a tailor-made dress for an evening?
Um, no.
Never mind. We'll make up for that too.
- Are you hungry?
- Yes, I'm a bit hungry.
A bit? Well, let's go then.
They're waiting for us for lunch.
Shall we see who gets there first?
Go! Come on!
[tender music playing]
Fifth of December. My third bike.
Santa would heal
All the scars in my soul ♪
And to make me feel better ♪
He'll sing ♪
I wasn't expecting this.
That's been my rule
since I've been in a wheelchair.
Only do things that are unexpected.
Hmm, yes, my family has owned this castle
for many generations.
For more than ten years now,
we only use it for grand events.
That's the first time
I've been called a "grand event".
- No, no. No offence.
- No, no, no, I
I like it.
- A grand event.
- Great.
Let's order, shall we?
Allow yourself to be amazed.
Trust me, you'll like it.
You hardly know me. How can you be sure?
I know you're someone
who never lets your hair down.
Nothing bad will happen
if you do that now.
[tender music playing]
[Carlo] Open
a little spicy.
Most definitely.
Prosecco rosé.
It's the latest arrival. Something new.
Oh, just to warn you, at Christmas
at my parents' house, new things aren't
- You're warning me?
- I'm telling you. At my parents' house.
- I'm telling you! [laughs]
- All right.
Save some space for pudding
because I've got a Cartizze
you just have to taste.
[tender music continues]
[Gianna] Can I ask
Maybe you don't
want to talk about it, but
An oil spot on the motorway.
I was on my motorbike. I was 20.
Gosh, that's That's terrible. I don't
Yes, it was.
But that was also when I started
really taking control of my life.
I said to myself, "If you can't walk,
you have to be able to do
everything else."
I've always been scared of motorbikes.
Of speed, in general. And heights.
I can't ever bring myself to fly at all.
- [Carlo] No, come on!
- No, no, no, no!
It's a proper phobia.
So I try to avoid it,
and if I really have to,
then I stuff myself with tranquillisers.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm scared of flying
because I'm someone
who never lets her hair down.
[tender music playing]
[engine shuts off]
[Gianna sighs]
Here we are. [laughs]
Here we are.
Now is that moment where I'm supposed
to ask you if you want to come up.
If you want Invite you in.
No, no, no!
Sorry, I'm a bit a bit out of practice.
And maybe I've had
a bit too much to drink.
No, don't worry. It's not like
It's not like
I'm running off anywhere, am I?
[both laugh]
I'll wait until you invite me up sober.
Very well.
I'm off.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- [car door slams]
- [Gianna sighs]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good night.
Good night.
[tender music playing]
[doorbell ringing]
- Didi, is that you?
- [Didi] Good night then?
I'm the one who put you in your pyjamas
at three this morning. Yeah?
Good morning. Uh Um
Yes? Thank you. Goodbye!
It's for you.
- For me?
- [Didi] Yeah.
It's from Carlo. He'll pick me up at four,
but he doesn't say where we're going.
Oh, good, right?
That means last night went well.
It's just that I'm working tonight.
I think I'll have to dump my shift
on someone else.
Who are you turning into on me?
Pretty Woman?
Meaning I'm being a bit of a whore?
Yeah. I'd say that's progress.
["You Deserve It All"
by John Legend playing]
You've given me the world ♪
With all your love ♪
It's everything
That you've been dreaming of ♪
Well, I have to say,
I wasn't expecting this.
Venice can only be seen from the water.
You deserve it all ♪
You deserve it all ♪
You know you've been good all year ♪
Come over here ♪
And let me show you ♪
You deserve it all ♪
All right? Is there a problem?
No. No, no, no.
Well, gosh, maybe.
I hope I don't get bronchitis. [laughs]
Oh my God. I'm turning into my sister.
Here. Take this.
Oh, and thank you for the dress.
It's not really my
But it's beautiful.
I know it's not really your style,
but being with other people
means that too, doesn't it?
Overcoming personal limits.
Yes. Not that I think my style is a limit.
No! Don't be offended.
- I like you the way you are.
- Okay. [chuckles]
[mysterious music playing]
Are you going to tell me
where we're going, or is it a secret?
To one of my other restaurants.
My favourite one.
It's in Bellagio.
- Bellagio is on Lake Como.
- That's right.
And how are we going to get to Lake Como?
You'll see.
[upbeat music playing]
All right. Okay.
I mean, you want me to get on that?
- I'm terrified of flying.
- Everything will be fine.
I'll take care of you
and your little fears.
No, it's not a little fear. It's a phobia.
Exactly. It's a phobia.
It's in your head,
and you'll overcome it,
now that you're with me.
I don't think so.
I'd rather go home, thank you.
Trust me.
You just have to let your hair down.
Or do you want to ruin the evening
on a whim?
Go and get comfortable on board.
I'm gonna sort out
the authorisation procedure for take-off.
A whim! [scoffs]
Did you hear what he called it? A whim!
I even thought about it.
I said to myself, "Maybe this could be
a good chance to overcome a little fear."
After all, a little paternalism
never killed anyone, hmm?
[upbeat music playing]
Balls hanging low
While I pop a bottle off a yacht ♪
Chain swinging, clang, clang
And it cost a lot ♪
Bitch, I'm always after guala, yeah
And you're not ♪
Badass B keep on goin'
Till you hit the spot ♪
Whoa! I'm a big bag hunter
With the bow ♪
She a got a big bad dumper
Drop it low ♪
Mama called me
And she happy with Go, go! ♪
[Gianna] Great!
It's a shame to take it off.
It looks fantastic on you.
[groans] I hate it!
I'll give you a hand.
I don't know if you can. It's a trap.
Like the rest of the evening.
[mysterious music playing]
- You can breathe.
- [exhales]
Men can be
really insensitive sometimes, right?
I agree.
Thank you very much.
[mysterious music swells]
- [Gianna] Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Mr. Crisanti?
- Dante.
Da Dante Crisanti? Like the congressman?
Former senator, actually.
Oh, it's you! [laughs]
I wouldn't have expected to see you here.
You thought
former senators don't get sick?
No, no. Of course not.
I just thought that
You were on the Health Committee,
so I thought that, since you knew
what the state of public healthcare is,
you'd get treated privately, that's all.
Listen, um
- Gianna. Gianna.
- Gianna.
- Can I call you that?
- Sure.
Well, I've been told that I can't,
but you couldn't let me out
to get some fresh air, could you?
[mischievous music playing]
Thanks. I needed that.
Can I ask you something?
- Something else?
- [both laugh]
Did you break the rules just because
a former senator asked you to?
Well, try asking the matron
whether I should be doing favours.
Actually, no, don't.
Maybe she won't notice this time.
No, I'm sorry.
It's just that I never know
whether someone is being kind
just because I'm a politician
or because I'm me.
I see.
My late wife really understood people.
She helped me find my way.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
I've been a widower for ten years now.
- Ten?
- Hmm.
From the way you talk,
it's like it happened yesterday.
You must've been
very much in love with her.
Anyway, I can tell on my own
that you're a lovely person.
[upbeat music playing]
[Didi] Oh! What happened?
Nothing. Why? It's normal
to have a jumpsuit in your locker!
Just in case you're in the ward at night
with an evening dress and heels on!
[inhales sharply]
- Everything's fine.
- Let's get Gianna a spiked coffee.
Didi, I'm begging you.
It's true. You're right.
Men don't fall from the sky.
So whatever you want is fine.
Tinder, Cathy's choir friends
- No, not the choir.
- No, not the choir.
Whatever you want. Your school friends.
As long as I don't have to find myself
talking to a stranger
about my ex-boyfriend in ten years' time.
Even if he was nice looking.
- Who is this nice-looking stranger?
- Huh?
You said "nice-looking stranger".
Who were you talking about?
No, no one.
You said it subconsciously then.
Have you met someone?
You have! If he's the right one,
you'll know it at first sight.
Steven who works in renewable energy, no.
Now I'm going to find you
the right one at first sight.
You won't find him on Tinder.
Oh, no? This one looks right to me.
[Didi] Hmm?
[Gianna] Yeah!
Maybe he's a bit young?
[Didi] He's a student.
Zero thoughts,
but with better performance.
What does he study?
I don't know what he's studying,
but he's got something to teach you.
How long has it been since you had sex?
You mean with someone else, or
See, that's bad.
Are you busy tonight?
No. Well, let's make it tomorrow.
You need a bit of restoration.
Tomorrow night,
you have an appointment with Davide.
[Gianna] Oh, that's enough for me, thanks.
Actually, it's for me.
[playful music playing]
Eight, nine, ten.
[bell jangling]
[Gianna] Hi, Mamma. Hi, Papa.
- Hi!
- [dad] Hi, darling.
Yours is the second one.
[Gianna] This one?
- Did this go out of date today?
- No, yesterday.
And you still have a week to eat it.
They're all plain yoghurts.
Can I take two of Margherita's fruit ones?
No, darling. The fruit and cereal ones
are for the children.
Are you coming for dinner
tomorrow evening?
You could help with the Nativity,
or we could watch a movie.
No, I can't. I'm going out tomorrow.
Are you going out with your boyfriend?
That's right. [laughs nervously]
- Ah!
- [Gianna] Bye!
I can't wait for Christmas to meet him!
And that's how I started cycling again.
["Alors on Danse" by Stromae playing]
[music crescendos]
[beat drops]
Do you want something else to drink,
or do you want to dance?
I'd like both, please.
[song ends]
["Alleluia" from Exsultate, Jubilate, K165
by Mozart playing]
[gasps and laughs]
[both laugh]
Oh God,
I didn't even ask you what you study.
So the faculty
of foreign languages and literature?
Just languages.
A level.
[Gianna] It's true.
At 30, men don't fall from the sky.
But when you can't move forward,
maybe it's better to start over?
And today, I'm starting over my A levels.
[funky music playing]
I got, I got my style ♪
I got, I got my style ♪
And it's all right ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
And it's all right ♪
And it's all right ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style, my style ♪
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