I Hate Suzie (2020) s01e07 Episode Script
Anger
(ALL SHRIEK)
(CROWD MURMURS)
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(ECHOES) Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, God.
Fucking press nights.
Why are you all wearing scarves?
You're indoors.
-You should love this.
-They won't feel the benefit.
It's supposed to be stupidly clever.
He's really hot right now.
The director? He shouldn't
be making you do a workshop.
It's offensive.
It's basically a long audition.
Yeah, but apparently
he's a genius, so
It's because they think
you can't act.
I said, "It's a fucking musical."
You just don't want me
to do any theatre.
No, that's not true! I love theatre.
I love people standing up
and shouting.
I've been doing shit for ages.
This is what I should be doing.
-Sorry.
-That's what Cob says.
No, that's what I think.
So it doesn't pay anything. So what?
You know I lost
two clients this month?
Who?
Guive and Teddy Blair.
They left for United.
-What, the poet?
-No, he's not a poet.
He's a stand-up,
and actually a really good actor.
Hmm. I think I saw him do a poem.
Sorry.
-(SIGHS)
-WOMAN: So sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
It's just really fucking full-on
because I've been so busy
managing your sex scandal.
Oh, don't put it on me!
Justoh, just so co-dependent.
-I'm co-dependent?
-Oh, what, I'm co-dependent?
You're so co-dependent!
(THEATRE BELL RINGS)
-Oh, God.
-What? what?
-Don't look. Look at me.
-Why? Why?
Look at me. It's not an issue.
Is that his wife?
She stayed with him?
That's just tragic.
Do you wanna leave?
We can leave.
(WHISPERS) Yeah, let's go.
-Yeah?
-Let's go.
-Sorry, sorry.
-Sorry.
-(DISCORDANT ELECTRONIC MUSIC BLARES)
-Sorry. Sorry. Shit.
So sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(MALE ACTOR SHOUTS VICIOUSLY
AND INCOMPREHENSIBLY)
(ACTOR CONTINUES SHOUTING VICIOUSLY)
-My God, did you see them kissing?
-Who?
Carter and his wife! I mean,
who the fuck kisses during a play?
Ugh, I did not see that.
No, but you're right,
that director is a genius.
-I can't even talk about it.
-My God. Do you think everyone knew?
Do you think everyone knew the penis
was sat in front of me
with the penis's wife?
-I need to get a margarita.
-CARTER: Shit!
-NAOMI: Oh
-Suzie!
Suzie Pickles!
I haven't seen you in ages.
You were so wonderful in the rushes
of 'AfterDeath' that I've seen.
-Carter, look.
-Yeah. How are you?
-How are you? How are you?
-WOMAN: Oh, my!
Gen, please introduce me
right this moment
or I will lose my proverbial shit.
Charon Bander.
From William Morris Agency.
CHARON: So, who are you with?
Sorry, she asked
with American levels of ambition.
-I'm Naomi Jones.
-Sorry. No, I meant professionally.
-Also me. Hello.
-They're doing their thing.
-Let's, um
-Yeah, we should
So, are you coming to the fundraiser?
Oh, you must!
Genevieve here is an actual
real person in the real world.
-Does amazing work in West Africa.
-Yes, please do come!
We raise money every year
to reunite children
from tourist orphanages
with their families.
CHARON: It's a Women of Talent
in the Arts event.
I mean, you must be a member.
Great networking.
Very drunk, powerful women
all in the same room.
No, you can't come, Carter.
You must come. So, who do I write to?
Send it to me and I'll pass it on
if it's worth it.
-We're late for the, um
-The club.
Yeah, we're going clubbing.
(MIMICS TECHNO BEAT)
Amazing. Right, 'bye!
'Bye, 'bye, 'bye.
-'Bye.
-'Bye.
-Cheekies!
-'Bye.
Oh, my God.
Was that the most graceful
passive-aggressive "fuck you"
ever from his wife?
No, she doesn't know.
That woman has no idea.
So he never told her?
-About you. About the affair.
-My God.
-He never fucking told her.
-The photos.
He said he fucking told her.
NAOMI: What a lying piece of shit.
He lost nothing.
(CHARON LAUGHS)
(TENSE STRING MUSIC BUILDS)
(THEME MUSIC)
(GLASS SMASHES)
(BIRDS TWITTER)
(CLOCK TICKS)
(SIGHS)
Suz, what is wrong?
You've been in
a really weird mood lately.
Nothing. I'm just really nervous
about today.
Don't be. It's fucking theatre.
They're lucky to have you.
Yeah, but they'll all be
proper actresses, you know?
Listen, it's not exactly
Shakespeare, is it?
It's some wanky nonsense
about Monica Lewinsky.
OK, so these are Pass the Parcel,
these are prizes
for kids who win games,
and we'll open these together
when I get back.
-Didn't you label them?
-Yeah.
I wrapped them
in different wrapping paper.
-Should've moved it.
-What, his birthday?
It doesn't have to be
on his actual birthday.
And I'm not saying cancel it,
I'm just saying
I'm not sure
he's particularly bothered
about his birthday party, that's all.
Well, I asked him and he
Obviously if you say
do you want a big party
with balloons and presents,
they're gonna say yes.
-They arrive at 2:00.
-I'm just saying.
I'm not sure these things
are always the kid's idea.
No, they're not the kid's idea,
you're right.
They're a tradition of western
civilisation. He didn't invent it.
He's not Frank Birthday Party,
the inventor of Birthday Parties.
I told him I'd be back
to cut the cake.
There's lasagne for parents
who want to stay.
-Parents who want to stay?!
-'Bye!
-Hi. It's me.
-SUZIE: I'm here now.
I'm here now.
This place is like a maze.
Just checking
you didn't want to go
to this Women in the Arts
charity thing?
Are you fucking joking? And spend the
whole night avoiding Carter's wife?
Why would I wanna do that?
NAOMI: OK, I just thought
Women in the Arts,
there'll be lots of contacts there.
I could go with you.
I could do with replacing
some clients.
No, I'm already missing
Frank's birthday
and I promised I'd be back
to open his presents.
-NAOMI: It won't go late.
-Yeah, I'd rather chop my tits off.
OK. Point taken.
OK, I've gotta go.
Fuck!
(CLEARS THROAT)
-Hello. Women in the Arts event.
-Hi, there.
I'm calling on behalf
of Suzie Pickles.
I know we said she couldn't attend
the event this afternoon,
but it turns out she can.
-I'll put her name on the list.
-OK, great. Thanks.
You're welcome.
MAN: Before we start,
I'm just gonna say
..one thing.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
MAN: I just wanna make that clear.
I already feel weird and insane
that I'm the only man in here,
and so I just wanna say, generally,
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I don't know what
we are gonna create in here.
I'm not in charge.
We're gonna go from having nothing
but our stories
into a musical called
'The Party of Monica Lewinsky'.
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
This is an exploration.
And, er, just have to
have faith in each other.
Really get into your walk.
How do you walk?
Take up every bit of the space
and really feel your own walk.
Feel the space.
Hey, um, I'mI'm really happy
to feel the space,
but it's just
it's my son's birthday,
and they said to me
that I could be away at 5:00.
But it's, like,
much further away than I thought
'cause I live out of town.
So I was just wondering
if I could slip away earlier
or if you could do this sort of stuff
that I'm not totally necessary for
at the end of the day.
-That would
-Warming up?
Yeah. Like, if it's not
totally necessary.
-It is pretty
-Really?
(CHUCKLES) I feel really warm.
-OK.
-Take up every bit of the space.
Yes, feel the space.
How do you walk?
Really get into your walk.
So, do a bad impression
of yourself.
Have the courage to be monstrous.
Keep pushing it.
Push it further.
Don't overdo it, Suzie.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Oh, that was a good effort.
Let'slet's keep passing
andand stuff.
(KIDS LAUGH AND CHATTER)
Christ, OK.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(MOUTHS WORDS)
(LOW, UNSETTLING MUSIC)
(VIVALDI'S 'WINTER' FROM
'THE FOUR SEASONS' SLOWLY BUILDS)
('WINTER' CONTINUES)
Oh, hi. Er, Suzie Pickles.
('WINTER' CONTINUES)
NAOMI: Hello, Hampstead.
-Suzie's friend. Hello!
-(NAOMI CHUCKLES)
Welcome to our haven from patriarchy.
Yeah. Great.
-Isn't Suzie with Hal today?
-Er, yeah.
-He's one of mine.
-(SOFTLY) Of course he is.
Thank you.
Mmm!
HAL: I want you to show me
why you're here.
Be bold. Think about how
you've been wronged as women.
That's what's bringing
these women together
in this place outside of time.
Hmm?
Catherine?
(SINGS) I did not fuck that horse
I did not fuck that horse
I only sought the best
for Russia and my people. ♪
Antoinette!
I never said it
I never said it
They can eat whatever they like! ♪
Delilah!
What an excuse,
how bloody unfair
To pretend that he failed
because of his hair. ♪
HAL: Jezebel!
(RAPS) Bitch can wear make-up
Bitch can wear wigs
Bitch can wear whatever she please
Looking good not a disease. ♪
Monica!
(SINGS) I loved him
I loved him
He loved me
He loved me
It wasn't good, it wasn't bad
We loved each other
We loved. ♪
Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry.
SUZIE: Sorry.
(SNORTS)
Who's your agency then, Naomi?
-I do know. I've forgotten.
-I have my own set up.
Sensov? Sensov Agency.
"Sense of Agency."
You should come and join a big ship.
Honestly, it gets lonely
out there punting, no?
At some point you just want
a fuck-off view
and an office with a chaise longue.
Yum.
I mean, you'd have to bring Suzie,
of course,
but now is definitely
the time to consolidate,
life stage-wise.
I bet your parents wanted you
to be a doctor or something?
Why do you say that?
Because don't all our parents?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on. I'm not gonna let you
make this into something it isn't.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry,
but this is just getting silly.
Is it? What's getting silly?
-You see, this is why
-WOMAN: Charon!
No, no, I won't.
It's a beautiful house.
You're lucky to even be here.
So go and do something with that.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
(BRISTLING, JAZZY PERCUSSION)
WOMAN: Did you see Hal's show
that's on now?
-Amazing.
-Oh, I couldn't get tickets.
-How did you get a ticket?
-Friends of friends.
(SIGHS)
Is it just me or does he take
a long time to
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
-My God, when he looks at you
-That glare?
Yeah.
It's like, "I don't know.
You're the genius!"
Is he, though? Oror just
(CHUCKLES)
Don't you do that Nazi zombie show?
'AfterDeath', yeah.
Yeah, not for long, though. Spoilers!
-I don't watch it.
-Oh, er, well, I die.
-Hmm. Too late. Tweeted it!
-(WOMEN LAUGH)
Is that still Carter Vaughan?
Yeah.
Hmm, yeah.
What?
I just hope your runners
all signed NDAs.
What, you mean like shouty or hands?
Oh, hands. I worked with him
on 'Chorley Bay'.
There was quite the turnover
of young, stupid women on that show.
We used to call him
the 'reverse firework'.
'Cause he banged them,
then he fired them.
(WOMEN LAUGH)
I'mI'm just gonna make a
I'll be right back.
He is such a fucking cunt.
Do you know he's fucked, like,
runners and assistants as well?
How did I not know that?
Carter? I knew that.
And if you'd told your best friend
who you were considering banging,
I would have thrown myself
across his cock
like one of JFK's bodyguards.
Well, like them, you have failed.
Where are you?
NAOMI: Er, just working.
You know, as I do.
I've got to go, I've got
to go back in. Alright, 'bye.
Oh, my God.
You've got one fucking job.
I'm justI'm just gonna see
if there's somewhere I can put it
so it stays
Hang on a minute, I'm just gonna
put it here so I can use my hands.
COB ON PHONE: He's being a shit.
-Cob?
-OK, er
So, what's happening? What's wrong?
Let me go over and talk to him.
He says he won't play
unless you're here.
(SIGHS) I don't know what to do
with all these kids
if he won't join in.
Well, he doesn't have to join in.
(PHONE BEEPS)
(DOOR OPENS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
-Welcome back.
-Sorry.
We were just discussing
what Monica wants.
Objectives.
Objectives, like?
Like when she walked into
that room, what did she want?
Well, there are lots of
different Monicas, aren't there?
Did she want sex when she walked
in that room with him?
-Did she want power?
-Did she want approval?
Oh!
Interesting.
What do you think she wants, Suzie?
Probably just to get
something signed.
To not lose her job.
No, you can't play a negative.
You can't play not wanting something.
Well, I can. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
People don't walk around
wanting things.
That's not how it is,
at least not for women.
(SOMEONE LAUGHS)
That's being alive!
Hm!
I want things. I want money.
I want my kids to be safe.
I want to be seen.
Hmm, I wonder if there is
something interesting
in Monica wants to be seen.
-Seen by who, then, is the question.
-SUZIE: Yeah, but
..that's not what life is.
I mean, look, I canI can pretend
that Monica goes into the Oval Office
of the White House
wanting to be seen, it's just
(SIGHS)
I don't It's just
Fine. Whatever. (HALF-LAUGHS)
I think
(CLOCK TICKS)
-Are youare you gonna
-I wonder
(EXHALES SOFTLY)
GENEVIEVE: Oh, my God, Naomi?
-Hi.
-Hi!
Please can we go and get a drink?
If you want.
-We met the other night.
-I remember.
I hope you don't mind.
You seem like a real person.
I mean, barely.
Do you know anyone?
Who do you wanna meet?
Oh, you don't have to do that.
I mean, famous people.
Women who need agents.
Shall we move to red?
WOMAN: We tell ourselves
these experiences didn't affect us.
It was the things around it
that affected us.
But maybe that is
the being affected, you know?
HAL: Hmm.
Suzie, do you have anything
you'd like to share
about feeling like
you were shamed as a woman
or disrespected or
Yeah, I mean, obviously.
Like, that's why you're using me.
Because of the thing with my phone.
Well, I don't like
to think of it as using.
OK, but, like
Can I just ask,
if we're gonna, like,
share our stories and experiences,
do we get any credit for that?
Hm. Credit.
Interesting financial term.
(PHONE BEEPS)
OK, well, look, it's actually
Oh, God, it's just gone five.
It's just gone five.
Oh, OK. Well,
this was an abrupt way to end.
No, I mean, just for me,
not for these guys.
Do you remember you said
No, it just feels like
this is a democratic process
and not based on schedule.
Some people
are being quite vulnerable.
Oh, OK, alright, well
..fuck you, man.
Fuck you. (LAUGHS)
Do you want me to sing it
for you? Shall I sing it?
(SINGS) Fu-u-u-u-uck!
Fu-u-u-u-uck
You-oo! ♪
(LAUGHS)
-(MILITARY DRUM ROLL)
-(CAR ALARM BLARES)
(JAUNTY PIPE MUSIC)
-(SQUELCH!)
-(MUSIC DIES AWAY)
Show me.
Can you smell shit?
Er, yeah. Sorry.
It's 'cause I've got shit on me.
What?
Look, youyou can't do that in
me cab, love. That's gonna go in
No, love! I can't have it.
Sorry, no, sorry.
(SUZIE GAGS)
That's gonna cost me 40 quid
for a fucking valet.
-OK. Alright, fuck it.
-You can't do it in here!
What are you doing? No
Happy? Shitless.
What, are you having a bad day
or what?
I don't wanna talk, alright?
I mean
No, I can't want a negative.
I want silence.
I want you just to drive the cab.
Sorry about your friend
and that terrible phone thing.
I didn't want to say anything.
Is she OK?
Er, it's a big question.
Who looks at those things,
you know? Knowing that?
You're not in this whole game,
are you?
I acted a bit. I might get back
into it now the kids are older.
I've just been doing this orphanage
work. It took over everything.
I know, it sounds so worthy. (LAUGHS)
Probably comes from
a really unhealthy place.
Controlling thing, no doubt.
Weird few years.
I'm sorry.
I did hear that you lost a child.
Yeah.
I mean, shitting fuck.
-Sorry.
-No, don't worry. I prefer that.
It feels right. Not condolences.
-Do you have kids?
-No.
Good.
You get to keep your heart.
Oh, mate, can we pull over here,
please?
I thought you was in a rush
to get to the station?
I just, I just
I just need two minutes.
-I can't wait on double yellows.
-Fine! I'll just
I'll just get another cab.
OK.
Have you got cash?
Me machine's not working.
Really? It's not working, is it?
Is it really not working,
or is this just a bit of tax evasion?
You know I could literally
change the radio station in an Uber?
Alright, go on, have the cash, then.
You're lucky I've got the cash.
-Have you got anything smaller?
-No.
While you're here,
any chance you can sign my book?
Not for me, it's for
the blokes back at the office.
Just keep it.
-Just keep the money, alright?
-Fucking celebrities!
(CAR HORN BLARES)
Excuse me!
(SHOP BELL RINGS)
Excuse me.
Hi. Uh, have you
Have you got these in a seven?
I'll pay for them now.
JustI'm in a rush.
I can just see if we've got them.
Yeah, or just something like them
in a seven,
just whatever's closest to them
on the shelf.
OK. But you want these in a seven?
Or whatever's like them.
Just any colour.
-(PHONE CHIMES)
-(SIGHS)
Trying to get home!
Hello, mate. Would these be quicker?
One of these? Or two of these?
You prefer those?
Just No, forget it, forget it.
Justas you were. Justbefore.
So, we didn't have them in a seven,
but we had them in a six.
Yeah, OK, that's fine. Here you go.
So you are a six?
No, but it's fine.
Because we don't have these
in a seven.
Yes, you said. You said.
So you want these?
Yeah.
-That'll be 49.99.
-Yeah.
-Do you want a loyalty card?
-No, I don't.
But if you spend over £50
you get, um
I don't want one.
-You're only 1p off.
-I don't want one. I don't
-You don't want any shoe care?
-No, no. No shoe care.
OK.
Give me the machine.
You can't tap. It's over the £30,
so you're just gonna have to
OK, alright, I'll put it in.
Thank you. Come on then,
come on then, Mr Fucking Machine.
Come on.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
(MACHINE BEEPS)
(MACHINE BEEPS)
-Want your receipt?
-No!
(TEMPESTUOUS CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC
PLAYS)
Fuck!
-(PHONE RINGS)
-Ohhh!
SUZIE: What is it, Nay?
Why do I have an email saying
you stormed out of a workshop?
SUZIE: Posh cunts wanking on
about their own pain
so they can trap another bunch
of posh cunts in a room
to clap at them - you said that.
-I begged to get you in there.
-What? No, you didn't.
'Cause you wanted it.
That's what I do.
It's not just you when you go in.
You are representing me.
-Charon Bander's giving me looks.
-What the fuck?
You literally went to
the fucking women's thing!
Are you there now? Are you there?
NAOMI: I had to, Suz.
I have no work and my biggest client
keeps throwing away jobs.
Justjust go, mate,
there's no-one behind you.
-(CAR HORN TOOTS)
-I am so Just go! Go!
I am missing my son's only eighth
birthday party to make money for you,
right now, and you're out
with Carter's wife!
Alright, alright, alright,
what do you want me to do, mate?
You want me to walk out
in front of you? Well, I'm here now!
I'm here now! Are you happy?
What the fuck do you fucking want?!
What do you
Oh, you're going to film me? (LAUGHS)
Are you gonna film me now? OK?
OK? Are you gonna film me, mate?
Open the door, mate. Open the door.
Ah! Fuck!
Open the door.
Put it down! Open the
Open the fucking door!
-(CAR HORN TOOTS)
-Open the fucking door!
-(CAR HORNS BLARE)
-(TEMPESTUOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LAUGHS)
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck off.
FUCK!
(PHONE RINGS)
CARTER: Suz, it's not a good time.
We're about to shoot.
Am I mad? Am I mental?
Sorry, or was that your wife
I met the other night,
who had absolutely no fucking idea
about you and I or the hack
So what's the issue?
You came round and announced
that you'd left your wife,
told her it was you with me
in those photos!
CARTER: Well, let's be fair
about this.
I was going to tell her.
If you'd said yes,
I was prepared to tell her.
-You told me you'd told her!
-Yeah, I could have told her.
This enormous romantic gesture!
If you said yes,
I would have told her,
so it was technically
a big romantic gesture.
Well, you were loitering in my garden
in the middle of the night!
I thought I'd ruined your life!
Then it's lucky I didn't tell her.
Because that would be another life
that got ruined. Look
And now I find out you've been
fucking everything that moves!
I am still the guy
whose heart got broken
and you're still the girl
who broke it.
Alright, well, if you're not going
to fucking tell her, I will!
TAXI!
Hey!
Mummy's at work.
(THROBBING TECHNO MUSIC)
WOMAN: Is that Suzie Pickles?
Excuse me.
SUZIE: Genevieve.
-What are you doing here?
-He doesn't get to lose nothing.
I smashed the phone,
but I can still show her.
She has to see, she deserves
to see it. It's insane, alright?
I'm not the only woman
he's had an affair with.
I'm probably not the only woman
in this room he's had an affair with.
Do you not feel bad about that
at all?
-Of course! Have you seen my life?
-I mean bad for her, Suz!
-No! She des
-OK. No!
-..deserves to see!
-She's a nice person, Suz.
She does not deserve you
doing anything to her.
What have I done to her?!
What have I done?
I don't even know her.
I've just fucking met her properly.
-Are you drunk?
-Oh, God, alright. Don't fucking
Don't talk down to me
like some proxy kid, alright?
If you wanna do that, why don't you
just have a fucking baby?
Because I am not that selfish.
Oh, God!
Oh, my God,
what are you even doing here?
What are you doing here, Naomi?
What are you doing here?
Look, this isn't even
your invitation, it's mine.
I'm Suzie Pickles.
(INSISTENTLY) I'm Suzie Pickles!
I am here networking because
I desperately need new clients
and I desperately need to feel like
I am worth something!
Oh, my God, alright, well,
let's just park that for a moment
so we don't all throw up everywhere,
OK?
And I'm sorry if I've got in the way
of your gross ambition
and your new friendship
with your stupid mate
with the ridiculous face.
NAOMI: Please don't.
Don't tell me what to do, Naomi.
-Go home, Suz.
-Yeah, alright. You go home!
NAOMI: You're so fucking tragic.
-(LEAVES RUSTLE)
-(NIGHT CREATURES CALL)
SUZIE: Oh, my God.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
SUZIE: What happened?
He stood on it.
Onon him.
What did you do?
What did you do?! Who are you?
What did you do?
(SCREAMS)
What is wrong with you?
It was an accident!
Fucking hell, what is wrong with you?
(DISTURBING MUSIC)
Roger
I'm sorry.
(DISTURBING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(MOODY GUITAR MUSIC)
(CROWD MURMURS)
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(ECHOES) Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, God.
Fucking press nights.
Why are you all wearing scarves?
You're indoors.
-You should love this.
-They won't feel the benefit.
It's supposed to be stupidly clever.
He's really hot right now.
The director? He shouldn't
be making you do a workshop.
It's offensive.
It's basically a long audition.
Yeah, but apparently
he's a genius, so
It's because they think
you can't act.
I said, "It's a fucking musical."
You just don't want me
to do any theatre.
No, that's not true! I love theatre.
I love people standing up
and shouting.
I've been doing shit for ages.
This is what I should be doing.
-Sorry.
-That's what Cob says.
No, that's what I think.
So it doesn't pay anything. So what?
You know I lost
two clients this month?
Who?
Guive and Teddy Blair.
They left for United.
-What, the poet?
-No, he's not a poet.
He's a stand-up,
and actually a really good actor.
Hmm. I think I saw him do a poem.
Sorry.
-(SIGHS)
-WOMAN: So sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
It's just really fucking full-on
because I've been so busy
managing your sex scandal.
Oh, don't put it on me!
Justoh, just so co-dependent.
-I'm co-dependent?
-Oh, what, I'm co-dependent?
You're so co-dependent!
(THEATRE BELL RINGS)
-Oh, God.
-What? what?
-Don't look. Look at me.
-Why? Why?
Look at me. It's not an issue.
Is that his wife?
She stayed with him?
That's just tragic.
Do you wanna leave?
We can leave.
(WHISPERS) Yeah, let's go.
-Yeah?
-Let's go.
-Sorry, sorry.
-Sorry.
-(DISCORDANT ELECTRONIC MUSIC BLARES)
-Sorry. Sorry. Shit.
So sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
(MALE ACTOR SHOUTS VICIOUSLY
AND INCOMPREHENSIBLY)
(ACTOR CONTINUES SHOUTING VICIOUSLY)
-My God, did you see them kissing?
-Who?
Carter and his wife! I mean,
who the fuck kisses during a play?
Ugh, I did not see that.
No, but you're right,
that director is a genius.
-I can't even talk about it.
-My God. Do you think everyone knew?
Do you think everyone knew the penis
was sat in front of me
with the penis's wife?
-I need to get a margarita.
-CARTER: Shit!
-NAOMI: Oh
-Suzie!
Suzie Pickles!
I haven't seen you in ages.
You were so wonderful in the rushes
of 'AfterDeath' that I've seen.
-Carter, look.
-Yeah. How are you?
-How are you? How are you?
-WOMAN: Oh, my!
Gen, please introduce me
right this moment
or I will lose my proverbial shit.
Charon Bander.
From William Morris Agency.
CHARON: So, who are you with?
Sorry, she asked
with American levels of ambition.
-I'm Naomi Jones.
-Sorry. No, I meant professionally.
-Also me. Hello.
-They're doing their thing.
-Let's, um
-Yeah, we should
So, are you coming to the fundraiser?
Oh, you must!
Genevieve here is an actual
real person in the real world.
-Does amazing work in West Africa.
-Yes, please do come!
We raise money every year
to reunite children
from tourist orphanages
with their families.
CHARON: It's a Women of Talent
in the Arts event.
I mean, you must be a member.
Great networking.
Very drunk, powerful women
all in the same room.
No, you can't come, Carter.
You must come. So, who do I write to?
Send it to me and I'll pass it on
if it's worth it.
-We're late for the, um
-The club.
Yeah, we're going clubbing.
(MIMICS TECHNO BEAT)
Amazing. Right, 'bye!
'Bye, 'bye, 'bye.
-'Bye.
-'Bye.
-Cheekies!
-'Bye.
Oh, my God.
Was that the most graceful
passive-aggressive "fuck you"
ever from his wife?
No, she doesn't know.
That woman has no idea.
So he never told her?
-About you. About the affair.
-My God.
-He never fucking told her.
-The photos.
He said he fucking told her.
NAOMI: What a lying piece of shit.
He lost nothing.
(CHARON LAUGHS)
(TENSE STRING MUSIC BUILDS)
(THEME MUSIC)
(GLASS SMASHES)
(BIRDS TWITTER)
(CLOCK TICKS)
(SIGHS)
Suz, what is wrong?
You've been in
a really weird mood lately.
Nothing. I'm just really nervous
about today.
Don't be. It's fucking theatre.
They're lucky to have you.
Yeah, but they'll all be
proper actresses, you know?
Listen, it's not exactly
Shakespeare, is it?
It's some wanky nonsense
about Monica Lewinsky.
OK, so these are Pass the Parcel,
these are prizes
for kids who win games,
and we'll open these together
when I get back.
-Didn't you label them?
-Yeah.
I wrapped them
in different wrapping paper.
-Should've moved it.
-What, his birthday?
It doesn't have to be
on his actual birthday.
And I'm not saying cancel it,
I'm just saying
I'm not sure
he's particularly bothered
about his birthday party, that's all.
Well, I asked him and he
Obviously if you say
do you want a big party
with balloons and presents,
they're gonna say yes.
-They arrive at 2:00.
-I'm just saying.
I'm not sure these things
are always the kid's idea.
No, they're not the kid's idea,
you're right.
They're a tradition of western
civilisation. He didn't invent it.
He's not Frank Birthday Party,
the inventor of Birthday Parties.
I told him I'd be back
to cut the cake.
There's lasagne for parents
who want to stay.
-Parents who want to stay?!
-'Bye!
-Hi. It's me.
-SUZIE: I'm here now.
I'm here now.
This place is like a maze.
Just checking
you didn't want to go
to this Women in the Arts
charity thing?
Are you fucking joking? And spend the
whole night avoiding Carter's wife?
Why would I wanna do that?
NAOMI: OK, I just thought
Women in the Arts,
there'll be lots of contacts there.
I could go with you.
I could do with replacing
some clients.
No, I'm already missing
Frank's birthday
and I promised I'd be back
to open his presents.
-NAOMI: It won't go late.
-Yeah, I'd rather chop my tits off.
OK. Point taken.
OK, I've gotta go.
Fuck!
(CLEARS THROAT)
-Hello. Women in the Arts event.
-Hi, there.
I'm calling on behalf
of Suzie Pickles.
I know we said she couldn't attend
the event this afternoon,
but it turns out she can.
-I'll put her name on the list.
-OK, great. Thanks.
You're welcome.
MAN: Before we start,
I'm just gonna say
..one thing.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
MAN: I just wanna make that clear.
I already feel weird and insane
that I'm the only man in here,
and so I just wanna say, generally,
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I don't know what
we are gonna create in here.
I'm not in charge.
We're gonna go from having nothing
but our stories
into a musical called
'The Party of Monica Lewinsky'.
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
This is an exploration.
And, er, just have to
have faith in each other.
Really get into your walk.
How do you walk?
Take up every bit of the space
and really feel your own walk.
Feel the space.
Hey, um, I'mI'm really happy
to feel the space,
but it's just
it's my son's birthday,
and they said to me
that I could be away at 5:00.
But it's, like,
much further away than I thought
'cause I live out of town.
So I was just wondering
if I could slip away earlier
or if you could do this sort of stuff
that I'm not totally necessary for
at the end of the day.
-That would
-Warming up?
Yeah. Like, if it's not
totally necessary.
-It is pretty
-Really?
(CHUCKLES) I feel really warm.
-OK.
-Take up every bit of the space.
Yes, feel the space.
How do you walk?
Really get into your walk.
So, do a bad impression
of yourself.
Have the courage to be monstrous.
Keep pushing it.
Push it further.
Don't overdo it, Suzie.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Oh, that was a good effort.
Let'slet's keep passing
andand stuff.
(KIDS LAUGH AND CHATTER)
Christ, OK.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(MOUTHS WORDS)
(LOW, UNSETTLING MUSIC)
(VIVALDI'S 'WINTER' FROM
'THE FOUR SEASONS' SLOWLY BUILDS)
('WINTER' CONTINUES)
Oh, hi. Er, Suzie Pickles.
('WINTER' CONTINUES)
NAOMI: Hello, Hampstead.
-Suzie's friend. Hello!
-(NAOMI CHUCKLES)
Welcome to our haven from patriarchy.
Yeah. Great.
-Isn't Suzie with Hal today?
-Er, yeah.
-He's one of mine.
-(SOFTLY) Of course he is.
Thank you.
Mmm!
HAL: I want you to show me
why you're here.
Be bold. Think about how
you've been wronged as women.
That's what's bringing
these women together
in this place outside of time.
Hmm?
Catherine?
(SINGS) I did not fuck that horse
I did not fuck that horse
I only sought the best
for Russia and my people. ♪
Antoinette!
I never said it
I never said it
They can eat whatever they like! ♪
Delilah!
What an excuse,
how bloody unfair
To pretend that he failed
because of his hair. ♪
HAL: Jezebel!
(RAPS) Bitch can wear make-up
Bitch can wear wigs
Bitch can wear whatever she please
Looking good not a disease. ♪
Monica!
(SINGS) I loved him
I loved him
He loved me
He loved me
It wasn't good, it wasn't bad
We loved each other
We loved. ♪
Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry.
SUZIE: Sorry.
(SNORTS)
Who's your agency then, Naomi?
-I do know. I've forgotten.
-I have my own set up.
Sensov? Sensov Agency.
"Sense of Agency."
You should come and join a big ship.
Honestly, it gets lonely
out there punting, no?
At some point you just want
a fuck-off view
and an office with a chaise longue.
Yum.
I mean, you'd have to bring Suzie,
of course,
but now is definitely
the time to consolidate,
life stage-wise.
I bet your parents wanted you
to be a doctor or something?
Why do you say that?
Because don't all our parents?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on. I'm not gonna let you
make this into something it isn't.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry,
but this is just getting silly.
Is it? What's getting silly?
-You see, this is why
-WOMAN: Charon!
No, no, I won't.
It's a beautiful house.
You're lucky to even be here.
So go and do something with that.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
(BRISTLING, JAZZY PERCUSSION)
WOMAN: Did you see Hal's show
that's on now?
-Amazing.
-Oh, I couldn't get tickets.
-How did you get a ticket?
-Friends of friends.
(SIGHS)
Is it just me or does he take
a long time to
(WOMEN CHUCKLE)
-My God, when he looks at you
-That glare?
Yeah.
It's like, "I don't know.
You're the genius!"
Is he, though? Oror just
(CHUCKLES)
Don't you do that Nazi zombie show?
'AfterDeath', yeah.
Yeah, not for long, though. Spoilers!
-I don't watch it.
-Oh, er, well, I die.
-Hmm. Too late. Tweeted it!
-(WOMEN LAUGH)
Is that still Carter Vaughan?
Yeah.
Hmm, yeah.
What?
I just hope your runners
all signed NDAs.
What, you mean like shouty or hands?
Oh, hands. I worked with him
on 'Chorley Bay'.
There was quite the turnover
of young, stupid women on that show.
We used to call him
the 'reverse firework'.
'Cause he banged them,
then he fired them.
(WOMEN LAUGH)
I'mI'm just gonna make a
I'll be right back.
He is such a fucking cunt.
Do you know he's fucked, like,
runners and assistants as well?
How did I not know that?
Carter? I knew that.
And if you'd told your best friend
who you were considering banging,
I would have thrown myself
across his cock
like one of JFK's bodyguards.
Well, like them, you have failed.
Where are you?
NAOMI: Er, just working.
You know, as I do.
I've got to go, I've got
to go back in. Alright, 'bye.
Oh, my God.
You've got one fucking job.
I'm justI'm just gonna see
if there's somewhere I can put it
so it stays
Hang on a minute, I'm just gonna
put it here so I can use my hands.
COB ON PHONE: He's being a shit.
-Cob?
-OK, er
So, what's happening? What's wrong?
Let me go over and talk to him.
He says he won't play
unless you're here.
(SIGHS) I don't know what to do
with all these kids
if he won't join in.
Well, he doesn't have to join in.
(PHONE BEEPS)
(DOOR OPENS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
-Welcome back.
-Sorry.
We were just discussing
what Monica wants.
Objectives.
Objectives, like?
Like when she walked into
that room, what did she want?
Well, there are lots of
different Monicas, aren't there?
Did she want sex when she walked
in that room with him?
-Did she want power?
-Did she want approval?
Oh!
Interesting.
What do you think she wants, Suzie?
Probably just to get
something signed.
To not lose her job.
No, you can't play a negative.
You can't play not wanting something.
Well, I can. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
People don't walk around
wanting things.
That's not how it is,
at least not for women.
(SOMEONE LAUGHS)
That's being alive!
Hm!
I want things. I want money.
I want my kids to be safe.
I want to be seen.
Hmm, I wonder if there is
something interesting
in Monica wants to be seen.
-Seen by who, then, is the question.
-SUZIE: Yeah, but
..that's not what life is.
I mean, look, I canI can pretend
that Monica goes into the Oval Office
of the White House
wanting to be seen, it's just
(SIGHS)
I don't It's just
Fine. Whatever. (HALF-LAUGHS)
I think
(CLOCK TICKS)
-Are youare you gonna
-I wonder
(EXHALES SOFTLY)
GENEVIEVE: Oh, my God, Naomi?
-Hi.
-Hi!
Please can we go and get a drink?
If you want.
-We met the other night.
-I remember.
I hope you don't mind.
You seem like a real person.
I mean, barely.
Do you know anyone?
Who do you wanna meet?
Oh, you don't have to do that.
I mean, famous people.
Women who need agents.
Shall we move to red?
WOMAN: We tell ourselves
these experiences didn't affect us.
It was the things around it
that affected us.
But maybe that is
the being affected, you know?
HAL: Hmm.
Suzie, do you have anything
you'd like to share
about feeling like
you were shamed as a woman
or disrespected or
Yeah, I mean, obviously.
Like, that's why you're using me.
Because of the thing with my phone.
Well, I don't like
to think of it as using.
OK, but, like
Can I just ask,
if we're gonna, like,
share our stories and experiences,
do we get any credit for that?
Hm. Credit.
Interesting financial term.
(PHONE BEEPS)
OK, well, look, it's actually
Oh, God, it's just gone five.
It's just gone five.
Oh, OK. Well,
this was an abrupt way to end.
No, I mean, just for me,
not for these guys.
Do you remember you said
No, it just feels like
this is a democratic process
and not based on schedule.
Some people
are being quite vulnerable.
Oh, OK, alright, well
..fuck you, man.
Fuck you. (LAUGHS)
Do you want me to sing it
for you? Shall I sing it?
(SINGS) Fu-u-u-u-uck!
Fu-u-u-u-uck
You-oo! ♪
(LAUGHS)
-(MILITARY DRUM ROLL)
-(CAR ALARM BLARES)
(JAUNTY PIPE MUSIC)
-(SQUELCH!)
-(MUSIC DIES AWAY)
Show me.
Can you smell shit?
Er, yeah. Sorry.
It's 'cause I've got shit on me.
What?
Look, youyou can't do that in
me cab, love. That's gonna go in
No, love! I can't have it.
Sorry, no, sorry.
(SUZIE GAGS)
That's gonna cost me 40 quid
for a fucking valet.
-OK. Alright, fuck it.
-You can't do it in here!
What are you doing? No
Happy? Shitless.
What, are you having a bad day
or what?
I don't wanna talk, alright?
I mean
No, I can't want a negative.
I want silence.
I want you just to drive the cab.
Sorry about your friend
and that terrible phone thing.
I didn't want to say anything.
Is she OK?
Er, it's a big question.
Who looks at those things,
you know? Knowing that?
You're not in this whole game,
are you?
I acted a bit. I might get back
into it now the kids are older.
I've just been doing this orphanage
work. It took over everything.
I know, it sounds so worthy. (LAUGHS)
Probably comes from
a really unhealthy place.
Controlling thing, no doubt.
Weird few years.
I'm sorry.
I did hear that you lost a child.
Yeah.
I mean, shitting fuck.
-Sorry.
-No, don't worry. I prefer that.
It feels right. Not condolences.
-Do you have kids?
-No.
Good.
You get to keep your heart.
Oh, mate, can we pull over here,
please?
I thought you was in a rush
to get to the station?
I just, I just
I just need two minutes.
-I can't wait on double yellows.
-Fine! I'll just
I'll just get another cab.
OK.
Have you got cash?
Me machine's not working.
Really? It's not working, is it?
Is it really not working,
or is this just a bit of tax evasion?
You know I could literally
change the radio station in an Uber?
Alright, go on, have the cash, then.
You're lucky I've got the cash.
-Have you got anything smaller?
-No.
While you're here,
any chance you can sign my book?
Not for me, it's for
the blokes back at the office.
Just keep it.
-Just keep the money, alright?
-Fucking celebrities!
(CAR HORN BLARES)
Excuse me!
(SHOP BELL RINGS)
Excuse me.
Hi. Uh, have you
Have you got these in a seven?
I'll pay for them now.
JustI'm in a rush.
I can just see if we've got them.
Yeah, or just something like them
in a seven,
just whatever's closest to them
on the shelf.
OK. But you want these in a seven?
Or whatever's like them.
Just any colour.
-(PHONE CHIMES)
-(SIGHS)
Trying to get home!
Hello, mate. Would these be quicker?
One of these? Or two of these?
You prefer those?
Just No, forget it, forget it.
Justas you were. Justbefore.
So, we didn't have them in a seven,
but we had them in a six.
Yeah, OK, that's fine. Here you go.
So you are a six?
No, but it's fine.
Because we don't have these
in a seven.
Yes, you said. You said.
So you want these?
Yeah.
-That'll be 49.99.
-Yeah.
-Do you want a loyalty card?
-No, I don't.
But if you spend over £50
you get, um
I don't want one.
-You're only 1p off.
-I don't want one. I don't
-You don't want any shoe care?
-No, no. No shoe care.
OK.
Give me the machine.
You can't tap. It's over the £30,
so you're just gonna have to
OK, alright, I'll put it in.
Thank you. Come on then,
come on then, Mr Fucking Machine.
Come on.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
(MACHINE BEEPS)
(MACHINE BEEPS)
-Want your receipt?
-No!
(TEMPESTUOUS CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC
PLAYS)
Fuck!
-(PHONE RINGS)
-Ohhh!
SUZIE: What is it, Nay?
Why do I have an email saying
you stormed out of a workshop?
SUZIE: Posh cunts wanking on
about their own pain
so they can trap another bunch
of posh cunts in a room
to clap at them - you said that.
-I begged to get you in there.
-What? No, you didn't.
'Cause you wanted it.
That's what I do.
It's not just you when you go in.
You are representing me.
-Charon Bander's giving me looks.
-What the fuck?
You literally went to
the fucking women's thing!
Are you there now? Are you there?
NAOMI: I had to, Suz.
I have no work and my biggest client
keeps throwing away jobs.
Justjust go, mate,
there's no-one behind you.
-(CAR HORN TOOTS)
-I am so Just go! Go!
I am missing my son's only eighth
birthday party to make money for you,
right now, and you're out
with Carter's wife!
Alright, alright, alright,
what do you want me to do, mate?
You want me to walk out
in front of you? Well, I'm here now!
I'm here now! Are you happy?
What the fuck do you fucking want?!
What do you
Oh, you're going to film me? (LAUGHS)
Are you gonna film me now? OK?
OK? Are you gonna film me, mate?
Open the door, mate. Open the door.
Ah! Fuck!
Open the door.
Put it down! Open the
Open the fucking door!
-(CAR HORN TOOTS)
-Open the fucking door!
-(CAR HORNS BLARE)
-(TEMPESTUOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LAUGHS)
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck off.
FUCK!
(PHONE RINGS)
CARTER: Suz, it's not a good time.
We're about to shoot.
Am I mad? Am I mental?
Sorry, or was that your wife
I met the other night,
who had absolutely no fucking idea
about you and I or the hack
So what's the issue?
You came round and announced
that you'd left your wife,
told her it was you with me
in those photos!
CARTER: Well, let's be fair
about this.
I was going to tell her.
If you'd said yes,
I was prepared to tell her.
-You told me you'd told her!
-Yeah, I could have told her.
This enormous romantic gesture!
If you said yes,
I would have told her,
so it was technically
a big romantic gesture.
Well, you were loitering in my garden
in the middle of the night!
I thought I'd ruined your life!
Then it's lucky I didn't tell her.
Because that would be another life
that got ruined. Look
And now I find out you've been
fucking everything that moves!
I am still the guy
whose heart got broken
and you're still the girl
who broke it.
Alright, well, if you're not going
to fucking tell her, I will!
TAXI!
Hey!
Mummy's at work.
(THROBBING TECHNO MUSIC)
WOMAN: Is that Suzie Pickles?
Excuse me.
SUZIE: Genevieve.
-What are you doing here?
-He doesn't get to lose nothing.
I smashed the phone,
but I can still show her.
She has to see, she deserves
to see it. It's insane, alright?
I'm not the only woman
he's had an affair with.
I'm probably not the only woman
in this room he's had an affair with.
Do you not feel bad about that
at all?
-Of course! Have you seen my life?
-I mean bad for her, Suz!
-No! She des
-OK. No!
-..deserves to see!
-She's a nice person, Suz.
She does not deserve you
doing anything to her.
What have I done to her?!
What have I done?
I don't even know her.
I've just fucking met her properly.
-Are you drunk?
-Oh, God, alright. Don't fucking
Don't talk down to me
like some proxy kid, alright?
If you wanna do that, why don't you
just have a fucking baby?
Because I am not that selfish.
Oh, God!
Oh, my God,
what are you even doing here?
What are you doing here, Naomi?
What are you doing here?
Look, this isn't even
your invitation, it's mine.
I'm Suzie Pickles.
(INSISTENTLY) I'm Suzie Pickles!
I am here networking because
I desperately need new clients
and I desperately need to feel like
I am worth something!
Oh, my God, alright, well,
let's just park that for a moment
so we don't all throw up everywhere,
OK?
And I'm sorry if I've got in the way
of your gross ambition
and your new friendship
with your stupid mate
with the ridiculous face.
NAOMI: Please don't.
Don't tell me what to do, Naomi.
-Go home, Suz.
-Yeah, alright. You go home!
NAOMI: You're so fucking tragic.
-(LEAVES RUSTLE)
-(NIGHT CREATURES CALL)
SUZIE: Oh, my God.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
SUZIE: What happened?
He stood on it.
Onon him.
What did you do?
What did you do?! Who are you?
What did you do?
(SCREAMS)
What is wrong with you?
It was an accident!
Fucking hell, what is wrong with you?
(DISTURBING MUSIC)
Roger
I'm sorry.
(DISTURBING MUSIC CONTINUES)
(MOODY GUITAR MUSIC)