I Love Lucy (1951) s04e10 Episode Script

Ricky's Contract

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Good morning, Lucy.
I'll get the rent money.
How did you know what we wanted? Listen, there's just one thing that'll put a smile like that on Fred's face.
Now, Fred, this is my big day.
I get to hold some money for a few minutes.
That's long enough.
Any word? Not yet.
I wonder why.
Who knows.
How's he? Just awful.
No kidding.
Getting worse.
What are you talking, shorthand? Pay attention.
I was asking her if Ricky had heard from Hollywood about his screen test.
Oh, that's right.
Any word? Not yet.
Wonder why.
Don't know.
Too bad.
Aah, you got me doing it now! You know, that talent scout made a big, fat mistake.
Benjamin? What did he do? Oh, he told Ricky that he'd hear from Hollywood in a couple of weeks.
It's been more than two weeks now and Ricky's absolutely frantic.
Yeah, that wasn't so smart.
Ricky's got nothing to worry about.
He's a cinch to get that contract.
I wish he was as sure of that as you are.
You'll see.
Oh, I got to go and put this away.
See you later, honey.
Okay, dear.
What was that all about? Oh, he's gone to put the money in his secret hiding place.
Do you mean to tell me he hides that money someplace and doesn't tell you where it is? That's right.
Why, I should think that would drive you crazy.
It used to.
But confidentially one day I took the whole house apart and finally found the secret hiding place.
Good girl.
How long have you known? Ha, ha! (chuckling) Gee, I'm sorry Ricky's so upset about not hearing from Hollywood.
Yeah, we were talking about it last night.
He says this whole thin' has him on pins and niddles.
Aw And you should see the way he is about that telephone.
He even takes it to bed with him.
No kidding.
Breakfast is ready, dear! Lucy! Yeah? Oh.
I'm sorry, dear.
Hi, Ricky.
Good morning, dear.
(grunts) Well, here's the morning paper.
(grunts) (sighs) (glass tinkling) Hello? Hello? Hello? Honey (tinkling) The rest you'll have to do yourself.
I'm not hungry.
Aw, come on now, you have to eat something.
You didn't eat any dinner last night.
I can't help but I can't eat until I find out about this thin'.
(phone rings) Hello? No, she's not here.
Who's not here? You.
Who was that?! Caroline Appleby.
No wonder I haven't been getting any calls for a couple of days.
Have you been telling everybody I wasn't here? I got to keep this line open.
How about that? I've been cut off from the world.
Oh, hi, Ethel.
Ah, Rick, here's your mail.
Oh! Nothing from Hollywood.
What's the matter? Don't you trust me? I trust you.
You'd think they'd let me know.
I've been waiting over two weeks now.
What are you kicking about? I've been waiting to hear from Hollywood for 30 years! Here's your mail, Lucy.
Oh, is there anything for No.
He's in bad shape.
And getting worse all the time.
The poor thing's about to explode.
(sighing) Well, he just can't go on like this.
We're gonna have to do something to get his mind off it.
What? Well, why don't we go in there and just sort of be gay, you know? Tell him funny stories, make him laugh.
It won't work.
It might.
It's worth a try.
Come on.
All right.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Rick, ol' pal, what's new? Hi, Ricky! Uh, did I tell you the funny thing I heard on television the other night? No.
What was it? Well, this fellow was big game hunting in Africa, and he shot an elephant in his pajamas and this dumb girl said, "Well, how in the world did an elephant ever get into your pajamas?" (guffawing) (laughing out loud) That's kind of funny, Rick.
Please, not on an empty stomach.
Well, uh, I heard a funny one last night, Rick.
Uh, uh uh, comic on television, he was giving the weather report and he said, uh, "Tomorrow, muggy, "followed by 'tueggy,' 'weggy' 'thurggy,' 'friggy' and 'saggy.
'" (laughing): "Saggy"! Why, that's (guffawing) funny, Ricky.
(laughter subsides) You think it's out of order? He didn't even hear you.
I heard him.
"Muggy, tueggy, saggy" (muttering): Very funny.
Well, uh, how about this one? Uh.
there was a fella, see, a a traveling salesman, and, he, uh, he comes up to this farmhouse Fred! Well, it's the only one I can think of.
Um did you ever see my imitation of a Pekinese? A Pekinese?! Yeah.
Oh! Want to see it? Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Isn't that funny, Rick? You know what always makes me feel good when I'm down in the dumps? What? No.
A community sing.
That's a Yeah.
swell idea! Good old community sing, yeah.
Shall we sing? Yeah.
What do we sing? Uh, how about "When You're Smiling"? Okay.
Oh, when you're smiling When you're smiling the whole world smiles with you.
Everybody sing! When you're happy Oh, when you're happy The sun keeps shining through And when you're crying Da, da, da, da And when you're smiling Everybody sing! When you're smiling Oh, when you're smiling The whole world smiles with you Ricky Ricky, why don't you do something? Why don't you go someplace? Now, why don't you go down to rehearsal? Oh, I don't know.
I don't want to Oh, look, I promise, I'll call you the minute I hear anything, huh? Word of honor? Word of honor.
Now, go on, go on, scat, scat.
Go on, Rick.
Now, be sure you call me.
(Ricky screams, phone dropping) Now, how can you call me when you don't even have the phone here?! Are you going to skip your number? No, no, we'll do my number.
But it's such a bright number and you feel so lousy.
Never mind the way I feel.
Just play the music, I'll sing the song.
(lilting intro playing) Not so far from here, there's a very lively atmosphere Everybody's going there this year And there's a reason The season never closes there Love and music you'll find everywhere People always having fun down there, so come along.
(music) I'm on my way to Cuba That's where I'm going (music) Cuba, that's where I'll stay Cuba, where wine is flowing And where dark-eyed Stellas light the fellow's panatelas Cuba, where is all happy (music) Cuba, where all is gay Why don't you plan a wonderful trip To Havana, hop on a ship And I'll see you in C-u-b-a! Why don't you plan a wonderful trip To Havana, hop on a ship And I'll see you in C-u-b-a! Yeah.
No, I'm just baby-sitting until she gets back from the beauty parlor.
Okay, I'll leave a message that you called.
(phone rings) Hello.
No, she's not home.
No, nothing's wrong, dear.
It's just that Ricky hasn't let her use the phone for a few days; he's expecting an important call.
Lucy's quite a talker, you know, especially when she gets wound up with one of her gabby friends, like Caroline.
I'll leave a message you called, Marge.
Oh, Caroline! Oh, uh Well, I'll leave a message that you called, Caroline, dear.
Ethel, aren't we ever gonna have lunch? It's just a little after 12:00.
But we always eat at 12:00, and my stomach's growling.
Well, tell your stomach, lunch is gonna be a little late today.
Did you hear that, Charlie? Oh, now, Fred, I'm baby-sitting.
I can't leave till Lucy gets back.
And brother, I hope it's soon.
I'm getting writer's cramp.
All those people that Ricky hung up on finally got through.
Look at the messages.
Isn't it a shame one of these isn't from Hollywood? Yeah Wait a minute.
Wait a ding-dong minute.
Give me that pad.
What are you gonna do? Just watch the old mastermind.
What are you doing? There.
"Hollywood called-- you got the job.
" What do you think? I think the old master has lost his mind.
Don't you get it? We'll leave it for Lucy, she'll call Ricky, tells him the good news, he stops worrying, and everything is rosy.
Especially your nose after he hits you.
Oh He's gonna get the job-- he's a cinch-- and when the real news comes, he'll thank us for saving him all these hours of worry.
Well, supposing he doesn't get the job? But he will.
Well, supposing he doesn't? Oh, well, anyway, he's been a moving picture star for two or three days and that's something.
No, Fred.
Oh, Ethel Give me one good reason.
Well, first of all, it sounds like one of Lucy's ideas, and second Hold it.
That's enough for me.
Look, why don't you go on over and fix yourself a couple of sandwiches.
That'll tide you over till lunch.
You're the cook in our family.
I'm gonna wait for you.
(phone rings) Hello.
Hi, Sue.
No, she isn't here.
What's your number? Oh, just a minute.
What's that number? Circle-seven-2099.
Wait a minute, here she is.
Oh, boy, am I glad you're back.
This phone's been ringing off the hook.
You've got a thousand messages.
Who's this? Sue.
Oh, thanks.
I'll see you later.
I gotta go fix fatso some lunch.
Thanks, Ethel.
Hi, Sue.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Isn't it awful? Ricky wouldn't let me talk on the phone.
Well, he's at rehearsal now.
We got time for a nice, long chat.
Oh, really? Tell me all about it.
No kidding.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Really? Oh.
I don't believe it.
Oh Oh, Sue! Sue, you'll have to call me back! Ethel! Fred! Oh, Ricky.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Oh, how wonderful.
Oh oh, this is wonderful.
Ricky, Hollywood called and you got the job! Oh, isn't it wonderful, honey? I love you.
(smooches) What, dear? Well, who is this? Oh.
Well, well, Marco, Marco, be sure and give him the message as soon as he comes in.
It's very important.
Have him call me, huh? Well, you remember Mr.
Benjamin, the talent scout? Yeah, well, the whole thing happened when Mr.
Benjamin arrived here Honestly, of all the dumb ideas, wanting to leave a phony message.
All right, all right.
How about a little less gab and a little more grub? In the first place, it's terribly cruel and in the second place In the second place, why don't you keep quiet in the first place? Okay.
Here you are.
Now, I don't trust you.
Give me that message.
I haven't got it.
Give me that message! I want to tear it up before someone sees it by mistake.
But I don't have it; I gave it to you.
You didn't Oh, that's right and then I Oh, no! Now, what, dear? Oh, I must have left it by the telephone! Come on! No, you go ahead.
I want to eat my lunch.
I want you to be with me.
In case she's already seen it, then you can help me explain.
Come on.
Patience, Charlie, patience.
Well, you be sure and have him call me, huh, Marco? It's very important.
Oh, boy, isn't that wonderful! Oh! Lucy Oh, are you the sly one, Ethel Mertz! Uh.
Oh, what a sense of humor, letting me find this message all by myself! Oh, honey, isn't that wonderful? Uh Hollywood! Hollywood! Oh, we're gonna have a great big house and we're gonna give great big parties and we're gonna invite lots of movie stars and we're gonna have a big, splashy swimming pool and there I am, in my mink bathing suit up on top of the high diving board Lucy, don't dive in! Huh? There's no water in the pool.
In fact, there's no pool.
What are you talking about? Well uh You tell her, Fred.
Ethel, what's the matter? Uh Fred wrote that note.
Oh, did Fred answer the phone? No.
Uh Lucy, there was no call from Hollywood.
What?! It was just an idea I had.
I thought if we gave, uh, uh, Ricky some kind of a phony message that, uh, he'd stop worrying and then when the real message came Oh, no! I told him it was a lousy idea.
I took the note and I was gonna tear it up, and by mistake, I left it by the telephone.
Can you ever forgive us? No! Now, listen, it could've been worse.
You might've called Ricky.
Yeah Ricky! Ricky! No, you didn't! Oh, I did.
He wasn't in, but I told Marco to give him the message.
Oh, no.
Marco, remember what I told you about Hollywood a few minutes ago? Well, listen.
What? Oh.
Well, Mr.
Green, wh-where is everybody? He did? Oh.
Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah, we're very happy about it.
Yeah, good-bye.
What happened? Ricky's taken the whole band over to Lindy's to celebrate.
Oh Oh This is awful.
You bet it's awful! And it's all your fault.
How could you do such a stupid thing as write that?! Now, don't try to pin it onto me.
It was Ethel's fault.
She left it here.
It is not my fault.
No, Fred, it's your fault.
How could you do that?! I didn't know what I was doing.
I was half-crazed with hunger.
Oh, Fred I told you it was your fault.
Oh, never mind, Ethel.
Doesn't matter whose fault it is.
It's done.
Now, the important thing is, which one of you is gonna tell Ricky? Come on, Fred, I'll fix you some more lunch.
All right.
Oh, no, you don't! You're gonna stay right here and face the music.
Not me.
Why not? You did it.
Tell him I did it.
First he'll have to find me.
Me, too.
Wait a minute.
How come I get left holding the bag? I didn't do anything.
Well, that's life.
Come on, Ethel.
All right, all right.
I'll tell him.
Really? If you stay here and give me moral support.
Of course, when I tell him, I'll be holding little Ricky.
He wouldn't hit a woman with a baby in her arms.
Oh, that's a great idea.
I'll just say, "Ricky, it's all a mistake, dear.
"You didn't really get any call from Hollywood.
"Fred wrote the note and Ethel accidentally left it here and I innocently called you" FRED: Now, wait a minute.
I'll stay on one condition.
What's that? When you come to "Fred wrote the note", you hand me the baby.
And then when you get to the part, "Ethel accidentally left it by the phone" and you hand Never mind, never mind.
Just forget all about the baby.
Now, look, crazy things like this happen.
Ricky's just gonna have to accept it.
Now, the three of us are gonna stay right here and tell him exactly what happened, okay? All right, sit down.
All right.
(sighs) (sighs) Now, look, there's nothing to worry about.
We're just gonna tell him the truth.
Just sit back and relax.
Sit back and relax! Oh, I wonder what's keeping him.
Maybe he hopped a plane to Hollywood? No.
Now, listen, when he does come in, try to act natural.
Don't, don't act as though something terrible has happened.
(doorbell buzzing) Oh, no, we won't.
We'll be (doorbell buzzing) (doorbell buzzing) Why is he ringing the bell? Maybe it isn't Ricky.
Oh, you're right, you're right.
Hello, baby! Well, we finally made it.
We're gonna take Hollywood by storm.
Ha, ha, California, here I come! How do you like it, huh? Uh Isn't this the most, huh? Yeah.
Um Ricky? Yes? Uh, w-w-we three have something to say to you.
Yes? I, uh I really don't know how to say it.
Well I'll say it for you.
I know what you want and the answer is yes.
You three want to organize my first fan club.
The Ricky Ricardo Fan Club Number One.
Yes, you may have the sharter.
How-how about that? We got the sharter.
Well, I guess there's only one thing to do.
What's that? I'm gonna get my autograph book.
Oh, me, too! (chuckling) Uh uh, excuse me, star.
Where are you going? To get my autograph book.
I left it in Indiana.
You can't leave now.
We have to tell him.
I can't tell him.
He looks just like Buddy Rogers.
Oh Now, listen, either we all march in there together and tell him the truth or I'm gonna tell him that you wrote the note and that you left it there purposely! (gasps) Now, do we march? Forward, march! Ricky Yes? We three have some Excuse me.
Get back here.
Now we're going in there again and this time you're gonna march in front.
Now march! Forward, march! Pretty, eh? Ah, this is just the beginning.
Wait till I get to Hollywood.
I'm gonna make that Crosby look like a bum.
Ricky, I-I-I can't stand anymore.
What-what's the matter, honey? What can't you stand? Uh, about that message I left for you at the club Oh yes, darling.
I-I should apologize for that.
I-I meant to call you, but well, I got carried away.
After I talked to Mr.
Benjamin, I took all the boys down to Lindy's to celebrate.
Yeah, well, that's just it.
Benjamin? You talked to Mr.
Benjamin?! Yeah.
He wanted me to ask you something.
He had only gotten the wire 20 minutes before.
How did you know? Well, uh Have you got a friend at the telegraph office? Good! Yeah.
Yeah! Yeah, that's it.
I-I got a friend at the telegraph office.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we really did hear from Hollywood today.
We heard from Hollywood! We heard Get up! We heard from Hollywood! We heard (cheering) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.