I Love Lucy (1951) s04e21 Episode Script
The Hedda Hopper Story
("I love Lucy" theme song playing) Operator, are you sure you're calling the right number in New York City? Murray Hill 5-9-0-9-9.
Well, I don't understand it.
They should answer.
Ay, mira que tienen cosas los periodicos estos aqui.
What's the matter, dear? La senora esta, la senora Hedda Hooper-- nunca me pone el nombre a mi en el periodico.
Nunca la senora Hedda Hooper me pone el nombre en el periodico a mi.
Look, Ricky, I lied to you before we were married.
I really don't understand Spanish.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, what's the matter with Hedda Hooper? We've been here five whole weeks, and she hasn't had my name in the paper once.
And neither has Louella Parsons.
All they talk about is Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe.
What has Marilyn Monroe got that I haven't got? Well, I'm sorry, dear.
But you'll get your own publicity in due time.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get my own publicity agent.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Yes? Oh.
Well, thank you very much, operator.
They don't answer.
I wonder where Mother and Little Ricky are.
I've been calling the apartment all morning.
Well, maybe they went to the park.
Well, they wouldn't stay in the park this long.
You don't think something could have happened.
Oh, I don't know.
Your mother in the park with all those squirrels running around Oh stop it.
Hey, maybe they're on their way out here.
In her last letter, she said they were getting ready.
Oh, don't you think she would have let us know? You take that back.
What? What you were thinking when you said, "Yeah.
" Anyway, Mother wouldn't forget to send a wire.
No.
Let's just hope that she doesn't forget to bring the baby with her.
Oh, honey.
Morning.
Hi.
Come in.
Oh, hi.
Oh, I don't care.
I know one thing.
If we don't hear soon, I'm gonna call Mrs.
Trumball.
What's the matter, honey? I've been calling New York all morning.
There's no answer in the apartment.
Well, maybe your mother took the baby to the park.
(doorbell buzzing) They wouldn't stay in the park for four hours.
ETHEL: Oh, you're just worrying 'cause you're so far away.
Well, it's cold back there now, you know.
It's the middle of winter, you don't stay in the park Oh, hi, Bobby.
Hi.
Telegram for me? Well, I don't know whether it's for you or not.
We've been trying to figure it out down at the desk.
Now, it's either for you or we'll have to forward it to Japan.
Why? Who is it addressed to? Mrs.
Mickey Mikado.
It's from your mother.
What's it say? "Arriving 9:30 with little Ricky.
Love, mother.
" He's little Ricky, and I'm big Mickey.
Well, at least, she sent us a wire, told us she's arriving at 9:30.
Hurray for Mother.
A.
M.
Or P.
M.
? She doesn't say.
What day? She doesn't say.
What airline? She doesn't say.
Whatever happened to that woman's brain? She doesn't say.
Come on, give it to me.
Maybe I can figure it out.
They sent the wire last night, so they must be arriving at 9:30 this morning.
I'll call the airport.
National Airport, please.
Gee, maybe they're waiting for us out there right now.
Uh, flight information.
Oh, why didn't they deliver that telegram sooner? Just be thankful you didn't have to wait till it came back from Japan marked "not known at this pagoda.
" Oh, Fred.
Hello? Will you please tell me if any of the airlines have a flight due in at 9:30 this morning? Well, how about 9:30 tonight? No, huh? Well, thank you very Wait a minute.
Maybe there's a flight number 930.
Hold it.
Okay.
Uh, any of the airlines have a flight number 930? Yes? What time is it due in? Good! From Bombay? Bombay? Well, with your mother, it No, no, even she wouldn't go from New York to Los Angeles by way of India.
Thank you very much.
Don't say it.
You're right, but don't say it.
What are you going to do now, Rick? Well, we'll just have to stay here and wait for her to find us.
Oh, honey, she might never find us.
Yeah.
She's got the baby with her.
(phone ringing) I'll get it, honey.
Thanks.
(phone ringing) I'm telling you.
Hello? This is Lucy.
Oh, it's Mother.
Mother! Mother! Mother, where are you? She's here.
Good.
LUCY: How's the baby? Did he, did he, did he like the plane ride? Oh.
Oh, well, Mom, I'm awful sorry we didn't meet you, But we didn't understand your wire.
Tell her to stay right there.
We'll come and get her.
Yeah, Mom, listen, you-you stay right where you are.
We'll come and get you.
No, now, Mother, please do just as I say.
Stay where you are.
We'll come and get you as soon as we can.
Okay, dear.
Bye.
Come on.
Let's all go out to the airport and get them.
Yeah, come on.
I don't want your mother running around loose too long.
Come on, let's go.
Here we go.
Well, I still say we should have waited out at the airport.
I'm sure mother was out there somewhere.
Well, honey, we were there a whole hour.
Yeah, and we looked everyplace but in the wind sock.
Oh, Fred, don't make jokes.
I'm serious.
I'm worried sick.
Well, what are we gonna do, Rick? I don't know, Fred.
I'm whipped.
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Keep your voices down.
Mother! Hey! For heaven's sake.
How are you, dear? Oh, am I glad to see you.
Well, long time, no see, Mickey.
LUCY: Honey what are you, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? Why, you asked me to come out to California.
Oh Where's the baby? I just put him down, but he's got to sleep, dear.
Oh, honey, we told you to stay there.
What happened? Oh, well, I got so terribly bored just sitting there.
Well, look, Mrs.
McGillicuddy, why didn't you stay where you were? I mean, we've been looking all over the airport.
Uh, what for? For you.
(chuckling) Well, now, Mickey, that wasn't very bright.
I wasn't at the airport.
Well, where were you when you called? Down in the lobby.
Down in the lobby?! Why don't you say Why didn't you tell Lucy? She didn't ask me.
Oh, no! Ay-ay-ay.
LUCY: Well, am I glad to see you.
Oh! Ricky! Come here, honey.
Give him to me.
Hello, sweetheart.
We had a wonderful time, didn't we? (all clamoring) Look how big he's grown.
You bet he's grown.
Come on, let me have him.
You want him? There you go.
Oh, doesn't he look wonderful, honey? Wonderful.
Mother, what time did your plane get in? When was it due in? Well, yeah, we got your wire, but it said 9:30.
Well? Well? Please.
Um, uh, Mother, why did you tell us if they told you 12:30? Well, I thought everybody knew that there were three hours' difference in time between here and New York.
Oh, that does it, brother.
Now I've heard everything.
Don't you let him talk like that about me.
Ricky, now, look, Mother is right.
There is three hours' difference in time.
Yeah! Uh Come here, darling.
We'll have our nap.
I know you're tired.
ETHEL: We'll show you California when you get up.
FRED: See you later.
I'll see you later, son.
ETHEL: Bye, honey.
LUCY: You're such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Look, Mrs.
Mcgillicuddy.
I would like to explain something to you.
In the first place, they meant Pacific Coast time.
And in the second place, if you wanted to allow for the time, you should have added three hours.
You did the whole thing backwards.
You should have said, "Arriving at Oh, poo! Now, look, I'm just trying to explain to you.
Well, you should have said I can't hear a word you're saying.
You see, it's only quarter past 3:00.
So, according to you, I'm not even here yet.
Ha! (chuckles derisively) Now, how do you like that? I'm only trying to get her straightened out and all I get is "poo!" and "ha!" Now just a minute, Ricky.
I think she's right about the time.
Ethel, Ricky is right.
Ethel, how could she be right? I'm telling you, If it's 3:30 there If you come from New York Well, what do you call gain or lose? You listen to me.
Look.
The sun opens in the east, and it closes in the west.
Oh (all talking at once) There's the Brown Derby right there, see? And right over in there is the Hollywood Bowl.
Oh, oh, isn't this exciting? And Mother, this afternoon, we're gonna take you all around and you will just be amazed.
Every time you walk down the street, you see movie stars walking right along.
Really? Oh, I hope I see some of my favorites.
Have you seen Ramon Novarro or Francis X.
Bushman? Well, no, I don't think I've seen them.
Oh, and I must see the house where Rudolph Valentino lived.
Oh, I'll never forget him in The Sheik.
I'm the Sheik of Araby Your love belongs to me Yeah, well, that's very nice, Mother.
You know, they're grooming Ricky to be another Rudolph Valentino.
Ricky? Ricky who? Ricky me.
That's who.
You? (mocking laugh) (cackling) (cackling) Oh, dear.
Why, you're not fit to touch the hem of his bernouse.
What did she say? What did she say? Que quiere decir bernouse? Now, look, cut it out, you two.
We're all here in California together.
Now, let's be friends.
Well, all right.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Oh, that's all right, Mickey.
Uh, Mother, you haven't told us a thing about your trip.
Who did you meet on the plane? Anyone interesting? Oh, oh, yes, I met some lovely people.
The lady next to me was just as sweet as she could be.
Her daughter wants to get into the movies.
I told her to call you at the studio, Mickey.
Oh, you did, eh? And the man across the way, he owns an amusement park in Red Bluff, California, and, oh, if we ever get up there, little Ricky can ride the merry-go-round free.
Oh, well, that's nice.
And the woman behind me was, uh, oh, some kind of a newspaperwoman.
Uh, she said she might like to do a story on you.
I invited her over to tea tomorrow afternoon.
Now, look, Mrs.
McGillicuddy, I wish that Mother, if you're going sightseeing, you'd better get your coat on, dear.
All right.
I'm the Sheik of Araby (cackling) Please, honey.
Why do you have to get so mad? (phone ringing) Oh I'll get it.
Hello? Oh, come right up, Mr.
Pomerantz.
Yes.
Who's that? My new press agent.
Well, honey, do you have to see him now? Yeah, honey, this is business.
I got to see him now.
You go take your Mother out.
Oh, honey Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Mother, you go over and pick up the baby at the Mertzes'.
I'll be with you in about five minutes.
Oh, all right, dear.
Good-bye, Mickey.
Good-bye, Mother.
(knock at door) Hi, Ricky.
I'm Charlie Pomerantz.
Oh, hello, hello.
Come in, Mr.
Pomerantz.
Oh, now, Ricky, just call me Charlie.
Okay, Charlie.
Now, then, you're looking for someone to give you a real good publicity buildup, right? Well, I need something, boy.
I don't seem to get a thing in the motion picture columnist.
Is that accent real? What accent? Good.
Good.
Let me take a look at you.
Yeah, handsome, good build.
Hey, you know, Ricky, with your looks and talent and my know-how, we're going places.
We are? Dad, I'm going to make you the Cuban Liberace.
Well, I don't know about that, but, uh I'd like to see my name in a few of the columns.
Well, let's see, you're doing the lead in Don Juan.
The studio plans to make you the great lover type, huh? Well, I guess that's right.
Yeah, well, that's always a good angle.
We'll start off by linking your name with glamour girls.
You'll be seen at restaurants and nightclubs, holding hands, dancing, dancing cheek to cheek.
Hold it.
I am married.
Married?! Yeah.
Oh, what did you go and do that for? Well, I'm sorry, but I've been happily married for 14 years.
Say that might be an angle in itself.
No, who would believe it? No, we got to find something for you, Rick.
Something good.
Well, Charlie, you're the publicity agent.
You're supposed to dream it up.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute.
That pool gives me an idea.
Can you swim? Now, wait just a minute.
I don't want to dive off that balcony.
This is the third floor.
No, no, no, no.
Listen, this is the bit.
Tomorrow afternoon, the Motion Picture Mothers Club is having their annual tea here at the hotel.
Now Hedda Hopper always covers it.
She's always here.
Well? They're having it on the terrace down by the pool.
Now, suppose I arrange for you to sing at that tea.
Yeah? And suppose one of the guests accidentally falls into the pool and she can't swim? Yeah? And suppose you jump in with your clothes on and save her life? Well, you might got something there.
Might got? It's absolutely inspired.
It's the greatest.
You'll be the lead item in Hedda's column the very next day.
We'll try it.
(door opening) Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, hello.
Charlie, this is my wife.
Lucy, Charlie Pomerantz.
Nice to meet you.
How do you do, Mr.
Pomerantz? It's very nice to meet you.
I'm sorry I have to pop off like this.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, what we need is a good-looking, young girl who could use some publicity.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
Yes? You wanted a young girl that was good-looking? Well, I'm I'm I want some publicity.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, you can't save your own wife.
Nobody would ever believe it.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Hey, that might be a wonderful gimmick, saving your own wife.
Might be just daring enough to make it.
Oh, I don't know, Charlie.
Oh, come on, Rick, let's give it a try.
Well, I All right.
Good! What do I do? Oh, it's easy.
All you do is fall in a pool with your clothes on.
Well, I think I can What? Look, Ricky is gonna be singing at the tea.
He'll jump in and save you.
You will? Well, all right.
I'd like to do that.
Besides, I told all my friends in New York I was going to make a big splash in Hollywood.
(guffawing) Oh! Oh, my.
You look lovely, dear.
Thank you, Mother.
You didn't have to get that dressed up just for my company.
Your what? My company, dear.
That nice lady I met on the plane.
I told you I invited her to tea this afternoon.
Oh, Mother.
I'm sorry, but Ricky and I can't be here this afternoon.
Well! Well, this is a pretty kettle of fish and I was only doing it for Mickey's sake.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mother, but Ricky made plans to sing at a tea down by the pool this afternoon and I'm going to Well, I I have to be with him.
I told you yesterday I'd invited her.
Oh, dear.
Well, come on, honey.
We got to get downstairs.
Well, if it isn't Mr.
Ingrate! I wish that just once your Mother would get my name right.
Mother Mother, couldn't you tell the lady that we're busy and that we'll see her another day? I certainly could not.
What's the problem now? Oh, well, the lady that Mother met on the plane is coming to tea this afternoon, and Mother is upset because we're not going to be here.
And I only invited her to meet you, Mickey.
She's in the newspaper business.
What does she do, sell 'em? Oh, Ricky! Now, look, Mother, we appreciate your trying to help, really we do, but there's just nothing we can do about this today.
Oh, horsefeathers.
Oh, dear.
I'm afraid we hurt her feelings.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
Nothing we can do about it.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh (band playing Latin music) They call me Cuban Pete I'm the king of the rhumba beat When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky, boom, chick-chicky, boom Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete I'm the craze on my native street When I start to dance Everything goes chick-chicky boom , chick-chicky, boom The senoritas, they sing How they swing with a sombrero is very nice So full of spice And when they're dancing, they bring A happy ring of a vaquero Singing a song All the day long So, senoritas, please Take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you to chick-chicky boom Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom Si, senorita, I know That you will like the chicky-boom-chick 'Cause it's the dance Of Latin romance And Cuban Pete doesn't teach you in a hurry Like Arthur Murray I come from Havana And there's always manana So, senorita, please Take it easy Do it with ease And you'll love it when you do the chick The chicky-boom With Cuban Pete.
(applause) Thanks.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Where's Hedda Hooper? She'll be here.
She'll be here.
Now relax.
You know, Charlie, I'm not sure I'll recognize Hedda.
I've never seen her in person.
You can't miss her.
You just look for the craziest hat you ever saw and Hedda will be underneath it.
(laughing): I've heard that about her.
Are you sure she's coming? Oh, now, keep cool.
Just trust old Charlie.
She'll be here.
Maybe you'd better play another number, huh, Rick? LUCY: Play the one I like, doll.
Okay.
Yes.
(people chattering) (muted sax solo) Hey hey, there she is! There's Hedda! Go! Go! Come on! Go! Go! Go ahead! Go! Go-go-go-go! Oh, no, wait! Be careful.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Better stay away from the edge.
Yeah, I will.
I'm sorry, honey.
I-I-I thought it was her.
It sure looked like her hat.
Well, that's all right, but, uh, what are we gonna do about him? If I jump in, he'll save me before I hit the water.
I'll take care of him.
Hi! Uh, now, Burt Oh, pardon me.
I thought you were Burt Lancaster.
Well, I've seen you someplace.
You are in the movies, aren't you? No, but I'd sure like to be.
Well, a guy with your build and looks, shouldn't have any trouble.
Say, you know, you're just great for the lead in Esther Williams' new picture.
I am? Yeah.
You know, you don't happen to have a picture of yourself handy, do you? Yeah, I got some right in my locker.
I kind of figured you would have.
Why don't you go get me one of those pictures and I'll show it to some producers I know out at Metro, huh? Hey, thanks! Yeah, pick out a good one.
Okay.
Take your time.
Attaboy.
(chuckling) You know, sometimes, my brain amazes even me.
(laughing): You sure got rid of him.
Had to do it.
Listen, are you sure she's coming? Now, will you please not worry about it, Rick? I said she'd be here, she'd be here.
Trust Charlie, will you? She'll be here.
BOBBY: Telephone for Mr.
Ricardo.
Telephone for Mr.
.
Here, Bobby.
Come in and take it in the lobby, sir.
Okay.
Hurry it up, Rick, huh? Okay.
You know, I just can't understand it.
Hedda has made this function every year for the last ten years.
I know she's gonna be here.
Well, she'll be here, Charlie.
Wait a minute.
There she is.
There's her hat! That's a hat? I know it's her favorite! I can't miss it.
Now go ahead, go ahead.
Do your stuff.
But Ricky isn't here! I'll go get him.
Don't you worry about a thing.
But Charlie, Ricky He'll be here in time.
Now you just go-go-go-go on! There we are.
Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! Help! Help, I'm drowning! Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! Somebody save me! Help, help! Help! Somebody save me! Help! Get away! Can't you see I'm drowning? Help! Help, I'm Help! Help, I'm drowning! I'll save you, honey! Honey, I'll save you! I'll save you, honey! (screaming) Get away from me! Get off me! I got her! Say something to me, honey.
Talk to me.
Hello.
She's all right.
Kids, kids.
It wasn't Hedda after all.
What? What? It was just an old potted plant.
What?! Lucy! Mickey! What happened? Well, we-we had an idea, but it turned out to be all wet.
Oh, dear.
Well, anyway, you're in time to meet my company.
She's in seeing little Ricky.
Oh! Mrs.
McGillicuddy, what an adorable child! He's almost cuter than my granddaughter.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Uh, Lucy , Mickey, I'd like you to meet my good friend Hedda Hopper.
How do you (gasping) Your mother's told me so much about you two.
You know, I do wish I could stay and chat, but I was due at a party downstairs an hour ago.
Uh is it raining outside? No? And they say I wear crazy hats.
Well, thank you for everything, Mrs.
McGillicuddy.
MRS.
McGILLICUDDY: Good-bye, Hedda.
And it's nice meeting you.
Mother, dear why didn't you tell us it was Hedda Hooper? You didn't ask me.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Mrs.
McGillicuddy was played by Kathryn Card.
Charlie Pomerantz was played by Hy Averback.
The bellboy was Bobby Jellison.
The lifeguard was John Hart and Miss Hedda Hopper played herself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
Hi.
We came back to tell you something.
Something that's important to all of us.
It's about the Olympic Games.
They're going to be held next year in Melbourne, Australia, and our team must be there to win.
It's up to us, to every American, who wants to see the Stars and Stripes flying above the victor stands, to see the funds available.
You see, the teams behind the iron and bamboo curtains are government-subsidized, but our team is really our team, yours and mine.
It's only gonna be there if we prove that we want it there with our contributions.
You want to know something? The Pan-American games in Mexico City are on right now, and because we didn't raise enough money, we couldn't send the succer team.
Honey, not "sucker," soccer.
All right, all right.
But our team isn't there, and we can't let this happen in the Olympics.
Let's show our Olympic team how we feel about them and show the world how we feel about our country.
Send your contributions to U.
S.
Olympic Fund, c/o your local postmaster.
That's U.
S.
Olympic Fund, c/o your local postmaster.
Well, I don't understand it.
They should answer.
Ay, mira que tienen cosas los periodicos estos aqui.
What's the matter, dear? La senora esta, la senora Hedda Hooper-- nunca me pone el nombre a mi en el periodico.
Nunca la senora Hedda Hooper me pone el nombre en el periodico a mi.
Look, Ricky, I lied to you before we were married.
I really don't understand Spanish.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, what's the matter with Hedda Hooper? We've been here five whole weeks, and she hasn't had my name in the paper once.
And neither has Louella Parsons.
All they talk about is Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe.
What has Marilyn Monroe got that I haven't got? Well, I'm sorry, dear.
But you'll get your own publicity in due time.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get my own publicity agent.
That's what I'm gonna do.
That's a good idea.
Yeah.
Yes? Oh.
Well, thank you very much, operator.
They don't answer.
I wonder where Mother and Little Ricky are.
I've been calling the apartment all morning.
Well, maybe they went to the park.
Well, they wouldn't stay in the park this long.
You don't think something could have happened.
Oh, I don't know.
Your mother in the park with all those squirrels running around Oh stop it.
Hey, maybe they're on their way out here.
In her last letter, she said they were getting ready.
Oh, don't you think she would have let us know? You take that back.
What? What you were thinking when you said, "Yeah.
" Anyway, Mother wouldn't forget to send a wire.
No.
Let's just hope that she doesn't forget to bring the baby with her.
Oh, honey.
Morning.
Hi.
Come in.
Oh, hi.
Oh, I don't care.
I know one thing.
If we don't hear soon, I'm gonna call Mrs.
Trumball.
What's the matter, honey? I've been calling New York all morning.
There's no answer in the apartment.
Well, maybe your mother took the baby to the park.
(doorbell buzzing) They wouldn't stay in the park for four hours.
ETHEL: Oh, you're just worrying 'cause you're so far away.
Well, it's cold back there now, you know.
It's the middle of winter, you don't stay in the park Oh, hi, Bobby.
Hi.
Telegram for me? Well, I don't know whether it's for you or not.
We've been trying to figure it out down at the desk.
Now, it's either for you or we'll have to forward it to Japan.
Why? Who is it addressed to? Mrs.
Mickey Mikado.
It's from your mother.
What's it say? "Arriving 9:30 with little Ricky.
Love, mother.
" He's little Ricky, and I'm big Mickey.
Well, at least, she sent us a wire, told us she's arriving at 9:30.
Hurray for Mother.
A.
M.
Or P.
M.
? She doesn't say.
What day? She doesn't say.
What airline? She doesn't say.
Whatever happened to that woman's brain? She doesn't say.
Come on, give it to me.
Maybe I can figure it out.
They sent the wire last night, so they must be arriving at 9:30 this morning.
I'll call the airport.
National Airport, please.
Gee, maybe they're waiting for us out there right now.
Uh, flight information.
Oh, why didn't they deliver that telegram sooner? Just be thankful you didn't have to wait till it came back from Japan marked "not known at this pagoda.
" Oh, Fred.
Hello? Will you please tell me if any of the airlines have a flight due in at 9:30 this morning? Well, how about 9:30 tonight? No, huh? Well, thank you very Wait a minute.
Maybe there's a flight number 930.
Hold it.
Okay.
Uh, any of the airlines have a flight number 930? Yes? What time is it due in? Good! From Bombay? Bombay? Well, with your mother, it No, no, even she wouldn't go from New York to Los Angeles by way of India.
Thank you very much.
Don't say it.
You're right, but don't say it.
What are you going to do now, Rick? Well, we'll just have to stay here and wait for her to find us.
Oh, honey, she might never find us.
Yeah.
She's got the baby with her.
(phone ringing) I'll get it, honey.
Thanks.
(phone ringing) I'm telling you.
Hello? This is Lucy.
Oh, it's Mother.
Mother! Mother! Mother, where are you? She's here.
Good.
LUCY: How's the baby? Did he, did he, did he like the plane ride? Oh.
Oh, well, Mom, I'm awful sorry we didn't meet you, But we didn't understand your wire.
Tell her to stay right there.
We'll come and get her.
Yeah, Mom, listen, you-you stay right where you are.
We'll come and get you.
No, now, Mother, please do just as I say.
Stay where you are.
We'll come and get you as soon as we can.
Okay, dear.
Bye.
Come on.
Let's all go out to the airport and get them.
Yeah, come on.
I don't want your mother running around loose too long.
Come on, let's go.
Here we go.
Well, I still say we should have waited out at the airport.
I'm sure mother was out there somewhere.
Well, honey, we were there a whole hour.
Yeah, and we looked everyplace but in the wind sock.
Oh, Fred, don't make jokes.
I'm serious.
I'm worried sick.
Well, what are we gonna do, Rick? I don't know, Fred.
I'm whipped.
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Keep your voices down.
Mother! Hey! For heaven's sake.
How are you, dear? Oh, am I glad to see you.
Well, long time, no see, Mickey.
LUCY: Honey what are you, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? Why, you asked me to come out to California.
Oh Where's the baby? I just put him down, but he's got to sleep, dear.
Oh, honey, we told you to stay there.
What happened? Oh, well, I got so terribly bored just sitting there.
Well, look, Mrs.
McGillicuddy, why didn't you stay where you were? I mean, we've been looking all over the airport.
Uh, what for? For you.
(chuckling) Well, now, Mickey, that wasn't very bright.
I wasn't at the airport.
Well, where were you when you called? Down in the lobby.
Down in the lobby?! Why don't you say Why didn't you tell Lucy? She didn't ask me.
Oh, no! Ay-ay-ay.
LUCY: Well, am I glad to see you.
Oh! Ricky! Come here, honey.
Give him to me.
Hello, sweetheart.
We had a wonderful time, didn't we? (all clamoring) Look how big he's grown.
You bet he's grown.
Come on, let me have him.
You want him? There you go.
Oh, doesn't he look wonderful, honey? Wonderful.
Mother, what time did your plane get in? When was it due in? Well, yeah, we got your wire, but it said 9:30.
Well? Well? Please.
Um, uh, Mother, why did you tell us if they told you 12:30? Well, I thought everybody knew that there were three hours' difference in time between here and New York.
Oh, that does it, brother.
Now I've heard everything.
Don't you let him talk like that about me.
Ricky, now, look, Mother is right.
There is three hours' difference in time.
Yeah! Uh Come here, darling.
We'll have our nap.
I know you're tired.
ETHEL: We'll show you California when you get up.
FRED: See you later.
I'll see you later, son.
ETHEL: Bye, honey.
LUCY: You're such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Look, Mrs.
Mcgillicuddy.
I would like to explain something to you.
In the first place, they meant Pacific Coast time.
And in the second place, if you wanted to allow for the time, you should have added three hours.
You did the whole thing backwards.
You should have said, "Arriving at Oh, poo! Now, look, I'm just trying to explain to you.
Well, you should have said I can't hear a word you're saying.
You see, it's only quarter past 3:00.
So, according to you, I'm not even here yet.
Ha! (chuckles derisively) Now, how do you like that? I'm only trying to get her straightened out and all I get is "poo!" and "ha!" Now just a minute, Ricky.
I think she's right about the time.
Ethel, Ricky is right.
Ethel, how could she be right? I'm telling you, If it's 3:30 there If you come from New York Well, what do you call gain or lose? You listen to me.
Look.
The sun opens in the east, and it closes in the west.
Oh (all talking at once) There's the Brown Derby right there, see? And right over in there is the Hollywood Bowl.
Oh, oh, isn't this exciting? And Mother, this afternoon, we're gonna take you all around and you will just be amazed.
Every time you walk down the street, you see movie stars walking right along.
Really? Oh, I hope I see some of my favorites.
Have you seen Ramon Novarro or Francis X.
Bushman? Well, no, I don't think I've seen them.
Oh, and I must see the house where Rudolph Valentino lived.
Oh, I'll never forget him in The Sheik.
I'm the Sheik of Araby Your love belongs to me Yeah, well, that's very nice, Mother.
You know, they're grooming Ricky to be another Rudolph Valentino.
Ricky? Ricky who? Ricky me.
That's who.
You? (mocking laugh) (cackling) (cackling) Oh, dear.
Why, you're not fit to touch the hem of his bernouse.
What did she say? What did she say? Que quiere decir bernouse? Now, look, cut it out, you two.
We're all here in California together.
Now, let's be friends.
Well, all right.
I'm sorry, Mother.
Oh, that's all right, Mickey.
Uh, Mother, you haven't told us a thing about your trip.
Who did you meet on the plane? Anyone interesting? Oh, oh, yes, I met some lovely people.
The lady next to me was just as sweet as she could be.
Her daughter wants to get into the movies.
I told her to call you at the studio, Mickey.
Oh, you did, eh? And the man across the way, he owns an amusement park in Red Bluff, California, and, oh, if we ever get up there, little Ricky can ride the merry-go-round free.
Oh, well, that's nice.
And the woman behind me was, uh, oh, some kind of a newspaperwoman.
Uh, she said she might like to do a story on you.
I invited her over to tea tomorrow afternoon.
Now, look, Mrs.
McGillicuddy, I wish that Mother, if you're going sightseeing, you'd better get your coat on, dear.
All right.
I'm the Sheik of Araby (cackling) Please, honey.
Why do you have to get so mad? (phone ringing) Oh I'll get it.
Hello? Oh, come right up, Mr.
Pomerantz.
Yes.
Who's that? My new press agent.
Well, honey, do you have to see him now? Yeah, honey, this is business.
I got to see him now.
You go take your Mother out.
Oh, honey Okay, I'm ready.
Oh, Mother, you go over and pick up the baby at the Mertzes'.
I'll be with you in about five minutes.
Oh, all right, dear.
Good-bye, Mickey.
Good-bye, Mother.
(knock at door) Hi, Ricky.
I'm Charlie Pomerantz.
Oh, hello, hello.
Come in, Mr.
Pomerantz.
Oh, now, Ricky, just call me Charlie.
Okay, Charlie.
Now, then, you're looking for someone to give you a real good publicity buildup, right? Well, I need something, boy.
I don't seem to get a thing in the motion picture columnist.
Is that accent real? What accent? Good.
Good.
Let me take a look at you.
Yeah, handsome, good build.
Hey, you know, Ricky, with your looks and talent and my know-how, we're going places.
We are? Dad, I'm going to make you the Cuban Liberace.
Well, I don't know about that, but, uh I'd like to see my name in a few of the columns.
Well, let's see, you're doing the lead in Don Juan.
The studio plans to make you the great lover type, huh? Well, I guess that's right.
Yeah, well, that's always a good angle.
We'll start off by linking your name with glamour girls.
You'll be seen at restaurants and nightclubs, holding hands, dancing, dancing cheek to cheek.
Hold it.
I am married.
Married?! Yeah.
Oh, what did you go and do that for? Well, I'm sorry, but I've been happily married for 14 years.
Say that might be an angle in itself.
No, who would believe it? No, we got to find something for you, Rick.
Something good.
Well, Charlie, you're the publicity agent.
You're supposed to dream it up.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute.
That pool gives me an idea.
Can you swim? Now, wait just a minute.
I don't want to dive off that balcony.
This is the third floor.
No, no, no, no.
Listen, this is the bit.
Tomorrow afternoon, the Motion Picture Mothers Club is having their annual tea here at the hotel.
Now Hedda Hopper always covers it.
She's always here.
Well? They're having it on the terrace down by the pool.
Now, suppose I arrange for you to sing at that tea.
Yeah? And suppose one of the guests accidentally falls into the pool and she can't swim? Yeah? And suppose you jump in with your clothes on and save her life? Well, you might got something there.
Might got? It's absolutely inspired.
It's the greatest.
You'll be the lead item in Hedda's column the very next day.
We'll try it.
(door opening) Oh, hi, honey.
Oh, hello.
Charlie, this is my wife.
Lucy, Charlie Pomerantz.
Nice to meet you.
How do you do, Mr.
Pomerantz? It's very nice to meet you.
I'm sorry I have to pop off like this.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, honey.
Now, what we need is a good-looking, young girl who could use some publicity.
RICKY: Uh-huh.
Yes? You wanted a young girl that was good-looking? Well, I'm I'm I want some publicity.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, you can't save your own wife.
Nobody would ever believe it.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
Hey, that might be a wonderful gimmick, saving your own wife.
Might be just daring enough to make it.
Oh, I don't know, Charlie.
Oh, come on, Rick, let's give it a try.
Well, I All right.
Good! What do I do? Oh, it's easy.
All you do is fall in a pool with your clothes on.
Well, I think I can What? Look, Ricky is gonna be singing at the tea.
He'll jump in and save you.
You will? Well, all right.
I'd like to do that.
Besides, I told all my friends in New York I was going to make a big splash in Hollywood.
(guffawing) Oh! Oh, my.
You look lovely, dear.
Thank you, Mother.
You didn't have to get that dressed up just for my company.
Your what? My company, dear.
That nice lady I met on the plane.
I told you I invited her to tea this afternoon.
Oh, Mother.
I'm sorry, but Ricky and I can't be here this afternoon.
Well! Well, this is a pretty kettle of fish and I was only doing it for Mickey's sake.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Mother, but Ricky made plans to sing at a tea down by the pool this afternoon and I'm going to Well, I I have to be with him.
I told you yesterday I'd invited her.
Oh, dear.
Well, come on, honey.
We got to get downstairs.
Well, if it isn't Mr.
Ingrate! I wish that just once your Mother would get my name right.
Mother Mother, couldn't you tell the lady that we're busy and that we'll see her another day? I certainly could not.
What's the problem now? Oh, well, the lady that Mother met on the plane is coming to tea this afternoon, and Mother is upset because we're not going to be here.
And I only invited her to meet you, Mickey.
She's in the newspaper business.
What does she do, sell 'em? Oh, Ricky! Now, look, Mother, we appreciate your trying to help, really we do, but there's just nothing we can do about this today.
Oh, horsefeathers.
Oh, dear.
I'm afraid we hurt her feelings.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
Nothing we can do about it.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh (band playing Latin music) They call me Cuban Pete I'm the king of the rhumba beat When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky, boom, chick-chicky, boom Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete I'm the craze on my native street When I start to dance Everything goes chick-chicky boom , chick-chicky, boom The senoritas, they sing How they swing with a sombrero is very nice So full of spice And when they're dancing, they bring A happy ring of a vaquero Singing a song All the day long So, senoritas, please Take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you to chick-chicky boom Chick-chicky boom, chick-chicky boom Si, senorita, I know That you will like the chicky-boom-chick 'Cause it's the dance Of Latin romance And Cuban Pete doesn't teach you in a hurry Like Arthur Murray I come from Havana And there's always manana So, senorita, please Take it easy Do it with ease And you'll love it when you do the chick The chicky-boom With Cuban Pete.
(applause) Thanks.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Where's Hedda Hooper? She'll be here.
She'll be here.
Now relax.
You know, Charlie, I'm not sure I'll recognize Hedda.
I've never seen her in person.
You can't miss her.
You just look for the craziest hat you ever saw and Hedda will be underneath it.
(laughing): I've heard that about her.
Are you sure she's coming? Oh, now, keep cool.
Just trust old Charlie.
She'll be here.
Maybe you'd better play another number, huh, Rick? LUCY: Play the one I like, doll.
Okay.
Yes.
(people chattering) (muted sax solo) Hey hey, there she is! There's Hedda! Go! Go! Come on! Go! Go! Go ahead! Go! Go-go-go-go! Oh, no, wait! Be careful.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Better stay away from the edge.
Yeah, I will.
I'm sorry, honey.
I-I-I thought it was her.
It sure looked like her hat.
Well, that's all right, but, uh, what are we gonna do about him? If I jump in, he'll save me before I hit the water.
I'll take care of him.
Hi! Uh, now, Burt Oh, pardon me.
I thought you were Burt Lancaster.
Well, I've seen you someplace.
You are in the movies, aren't you? No, but I'd sure like to be.
Well, a guy with your build and looks, shouldn't have any trouble.
Say, you know, you're just great for the lead in Esther Williams' new picture.
I am? Yeah.
You know, you don't happen to have a picture of yourself handy, do you? Yeah, I got some right in my locker.
I kind of figured you would have.
Why don't you go get me one of those pictures and I'll show it to some producers I know out at Metro, huh? Hey, thanks! Yeah, pick out a good one.
Okay.
Take your time.
Attaboy.
(chuckling) You know, sometimes, my brain amazes even me.
(laughing): You sure got rid of him.
Had to do it.
Listen, are you sure she's coming? Now, will you please not worry about it, Rick? I said she'd be here, she'd be here.
Trust Charlie, will you? She'll be here.
BOBBY: Telephone for Mr.
Ricardo.
Telephone for Mr.
.
Here, Bobby.
Come in and take it in the lobby, sir.
Okay.
Hurry it up, Rick, huh? Okay.
You know, I just can't understand it.
Hedda has made this function every year for the last ten years.
I know she's gonna be here.
Well, she'll be here, Charlie.
Wait a minute.
There she is.
There's her hat! That's a hat? I know it's her favorite! I can't miss it.
Now go ahead, go ahead.
Do your stuff.
But Ricky isn't here! I'll go get him.
Don't you worry about a thing.
But Charlie, Ricky He'll be here in time.
Now you just go-go-go-go on! There we are.
Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! Help! Help, I'm drowning! Help! Help! I'm drowning! Help! Help! Somebody save me! Help, help! Help! Somebody save me! Help! Get away! Can't you see I'm drowning? Help! Help, I'm Help! Help, I'm drowning! I'll save you, honey! Honey, I'll save you! I'll save you, honey! (screaming) Get away from me! Get off me! I got her! Say something to me, honey.
Talk to me.
Hello.
She's all right.
Kids, kids.
It wasn't Hedda after all.
What? What? It was just an old potted plant.
What?! Lucy! Mickey! What happened? Well, we-we had an idea, but it turned out to be all wet.
Oh, dear.
Well, anyway, you're in time to meet my company.
She's in seeing little Ricky.
Oh! Mrs.
McGillicuddy, what an adorable child! He's almost cuter than my granddaughter.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Uh, Lucy , Mickey, I'd like you to meet my good friend Hedda Hopper.
How do you (gasping) Your mother's told me so much about you two.
You know, I do wish I could stay and chat, but I was due at a party downstairs an hour ago.
Uh is it raining outside? No? And they say I wear crazy hats.
Well, thank you for everything, Mrs.
McGillicuddy.
MRS.
McGILLICUDDY: Good-bye, Hedda.
And it's nice meeting you.
Mother, dear why didn't you tell us it was Hedda Hooper? You didn't ask me.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Mrs.
McGillicuddy was played by Kathryn Card.
Charlie Pomerantz was played by Hy Averback.
The bellboy was Bobby Jellison.
The lifeguard was John Hart and Miss Hedda Hopper played herself.
I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.
Hi.
We came back to tell you something.
Something that's important to all of us.
It's about the Olympic Games.
They're going to be held next year in Melbourne, Australia, and our team must be there to win.
It's up to us, to every American, who wants to see the Stars and Stripes flying above the victor stands, to see the funds available.
You see, the teams behind the iron and bamboo curtains are government-subsidized, but our team is really our team, yours and mine.
It's only gonna be there if we prove that we want it there with our contributions.
You want to know something? The Pan-American games in Mexico City are on right now, and because we didn't raise enough money, we couldn't send the succer team.
Honey, not "sucker," soccer.
All right, all right.
But our team isn't there, and we can't let this happen in the Olympics.
Let's show our Olympic team how we feel about them and show the world how we feel about our country.
Send your contributions to U.
S.
Olympic Fund, c/o your local postmaster.
That's U.
S.
Olympic Fund, c/o your local postmaster.