I Love Lucy (1951) s05e09 Episode Script

Nursery School

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) (sighing) Lucy, can I borrow an egg? I'm baking a cake and I'm short one.
(sighing loudly) (sputtering) What's the matter? Are you sick or something? No.
I spent the day with Little Ricky in the park.
I am suffering from a disease common to mothers of three-year-old children.
It is called "poop-itis.
" Oh-ho-ho-ho.
He really gives you a workout, doesn't he? He never stops running.
Well, is there anything I can do for you? Yeah, help me put my feet up on the couch.
Okay, honey.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Oh, gosh.
Want me to take off your boots? No, thanks.
I'll take them off later.
Help yourself to the eggs.
Okay.
I hope you feel better after you've rested a while.
(mumbling) Hi, hon.
Oh, hi.
What are you doing lying there with your coat and your boots on? Motherhood.
Lucy! Relax, dear.
I meant motherhood of a three-year-old child.
(chuckling): Oh.
Did Ricky give you a tough day? No, just the same as any other day.
After breakfast, I put on his snow suit.
I pull on his galoshes.
I slip on his mittens.
I walk him to the park.
He chases the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We go on the teeter-totter.
He teeters, I totter.
Then we leave the park and we walk home.
I pull off his galoshes and I pull off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I fix his lunch.
I put him down for his nap and he sleeps for a whole half-hour.
Well, that sounds very After his nap, I put on his snow suit, pull on his galoshes and I pull on his mittens, we walk back to the park.
He chases after the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We get on the teeter-totter.
He teeters.
By now, I'm really tottering.
We leave the park.
We walk home.
I pull off his galoshes.
I pull off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I tell him to go in his room and play with his teddy bear.
And that is why you find me sitting here with my coat and my boots on.
Phew! Wow! What's the matter with you? I'm worn out from just listening.
Honestly, I'm so tired, I could scream.
Well, go ahead and scream.
It'll do you good.
I'm too tired.
Honey, it's just silly for you to get this tired every day.
Little Ricky is three years old now.
There's only one thing to do.
Now, don't start that again.
What again? You want me to send him to nursery school.
That's right.
Well, I won't hear of it.
He's entirely too young.
You said that six months ago.
And I was right.
We're just gonna have to wait until he gets older.
How much older? Well, until I feel he's old enough to go to nursery school.
Well, he's gonna look pretty silly playing in a sand pile when he's 30 years old.
Now, honey, don't be funny.
Now, look, it's not, it's not fair to the kid.
He needs children his own age to play with.
He has plenty of playmates.
Who? Me, Ethel, Fred.
Well, Fred and you and Ethel are not exactly Little Ricky's age.
Although at times you act like you were.
It may interest you to know that one of the world's leading authorities on baby care does not think he should go to nursery school.
Who's that? Dr.
Spock.
I've been reading his book ever since Little Ricky was born.
Now, this is what he has to say on the subject.
I quote, "A good nursery school does not take the place of home.
" So, there.
Well, that doesn't sound right to me.
Let me see that book.
I told you what it said.
What's good enough for Dr.
Spock is good enough for me.
Let me see the book.
Give it to me.
Why'd you want to see the book? I told you what it says.
I want to see the Uh-huh.
You didn't quite finish that sentence.
"A good nursery school doesn't take the place of the home.
"It adds to it.
"Most children benefit from a good nursery school.
"It is particularly valuable for the only child, "for the child without much chance to play with others and for the child who lives in a small apartment.
" That's what the good doctor says.
Well, what does he know? This man is supposed to be one of the authorities on baby care.
He says that Little Ricky should go to nursery school.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
I say that he should go to nursery school and so does Dr.
Spook.
Dr.
Spock, and he doesn't know everything.
Well was he ever a mother? Now, Lucy He can't go.
He'll catch germs there.
Germs? Yes.
All those other children have germs.
And I suppose that we have the only sanitary child in New York City.
You know perfectly well that as soon as a child starts to go to school, they come home with chicken pox and measles and all sorts of nasty little diseases.
Well, that's part of being a child.
What are you gonna do? Seal him up in a plastic bag until he's 21 years old? Oh Now, look, Lucy, this does it.
I want you to promise me that tomorrow morning you are going to enroll Little Ricky in nursery school.
No buts.
But Ricky No, no buts! All right.
You'll be a better mother, too.
You won't get so tired.
("Pop Goes the Weasel" playing) (wailing) What's the matter? What are you crying about? We're losing our baby.
Now, honey, it's only nursery school.
Today, nursery school.
Tomorrow, college.
And then he'll get married and have children of his own.
We'll never see him again.
(chuckling): Oh now, Mama.
Come on.
(sobbing): I'm losing my baby.
(chuckling) Lucy? Yeah? Have you seen Ethel? Not since this morning.
She took Little Ricky to the park while I went to nursery school.
You went to nursery school? Yeah.
I thought you promised Ricky you'd take the baby to nursery school.
I promised him I would enroll the baby in nursery school and I did enroll him.
I didn't promise he would attend.
Oh, brother.
What's he gonna say when he hears that? Nothing, if we all keep our big blabbery lips buttoned up.
Now, don't worry.
I'm not the one to break that kind of news to him.
Well.
Hi.
Hi, Rick.
Got to check the furnace.
Bye, Rick.
He sure is in a hurry.
Yeah.
Say, uh, how did Little Ricky like nursery school? Uh You took him, didn't you? I enrolled him just like I promised you.
Well, how did he like it? He didn't say.
He's a close-mouthed little rascal.
What are you talking about, honey? What did they do there? Oh, you know the kind of things they do in nursery school.
No, I don't.
You went to nursery school in Cuba, didn't you? Yeah.
Well, they do the same things over here, only in English.
Lucy, what's the big, uh, secret? I mean, what, what, what's, uh What-what do they have over there? Well, it's sort of hard to describe.
What do you mean, hard to describe? Do they, uh Th-They must have sand piles and swings and slides.
Good.
That's just what they have.
Well, how about finger-painting and, uh building blocks? All right.
What else do they have? Oh, you name it and they got it.
I got to finish my cake.
Remarkable school.
Lucy? Yeah? Say, listen, Lucy, I've been thinking this over.
And I'll bet you when Ricky finds out that you didn't take the baby to nursery Aha! Thank you, Ethel bean-spiller.
Lucy, come here.
Hi, Ricky.
RICKY: Lucy! Gee, I didn't know you were home.
I didn't hear you come up the stairs.
Oh, you! Well, it's all your fault.
You're the one that pestered Fred to have the stairs carpeted.
Oh Come here.
Why did you tell me that you took Ricky to nursery school? I didn't.
You did, too.
I did not! I said I enrolled him and I did enroll him.
I just didn't take him there.
Lucy, I'm ashamed of you.
Well, I tried, but he refused.
He refused? Yes, yes.
Ethel was right here when I asked him.
Didn't I ask him? Yup, she asked him.
She said, "Little Ricky, "you don't want to go to that nasty old school, do you?" Whose side are you on? Oh, what's the difference.
I'm glad the cat's out of the bag.
I'm his godmother and I think he should go to nursery school.
If you ask me Yeah, well, nobody's asking you.
Just butt out! Never mind.
You keep butting in.
I never know anything around here if you didn't come up once in a while and spin the beans out of the cat bag.
It's not "spin the beans out of the cat bag.
" It's, it's "spill the beans" or "let the cat out of the bag.
" It doesn't matter which way it goes.
The only thing that is important is that tomorrow morning Little Ricky is gonna go to nursery school because I am going to take him.
This is delicious.
RICKY: Little Ricky, come on.
Let's go to nursery school.
Little Ricky? Come on, amigo! Let's go to nursery school.
You seen Little Ricky? No.
What do you mean, "no"? Where can he be? Maybe he didn't want to go to nursery school, so he ran away from home.
Lucy, you've hidden him! Why, whatever makes you say a thing like that? Ay, mira que tiene esta mujer, las cosas Little Ricky, where are you? Little Ricky! Little Ricky?! Lucy, where is he? I'll never tell.
Little Ricky, come out wherever you're hiding! Come on out! Why don't you try calling "Olly, olly, oxen free!" What does that mean? Oh, I forget you're unfamiliar with our American expressions.
You see, in this country, children have a game called hide-and-seek.
And when the player who is "it" wants all of his little playmates to come out from wherever they're hiding, he yells, "Olly, olly, oxen free!" And all the little children come scampering out, and the game is over.
And do you also have an expression for whenever a husband is tired of playing hide-and-seek, and he's just about read to hit the wife in the nose? Uh, not up to now, we don't.
Look, I have a right to know where he is.
He's half my child, you know? Well, he's half mine, too, and, unfortunately, when I hid my half, your half went right along with it.
Well, unfortunately, your half has to go to nursery school with my half.
Not until you find him.
Lucy, where is he? (door opening) There he is! Fred! I thought I told you to stay out until at least 11:00.
Come on, son.
How are you, partner? Oh, Fred! Oh, sweetie pie! I'll talk to you later.
You're going to nursery school.
Oh, please.
You be a good boy now.
Mind the teacher, and don't go near any of these other children that have germs! Oh Fred Mertz! Aah, don't start on me, Lucy.
I'm too weak to defend myself.
Men are not cut out to be mothers.
Oh He just loved school.
He didn't even want to come home.
No kidding.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, and look, look, his first painting.
ETHEL: Oh, isn't that great? Isn't it wonderful? ETHEL: Yeah.
You know what it is, don't you? Sure.
Yeah.
What? Oh, uh It's a sailboat.
Oh, Ethel, it's a house.
It is? Sure.
Well, now, wait a minute.
You're both wrong.
It's an elephant.
You know, he's smarter than I thought.
This is a picture of an elephant sailing a houseboat.
That's right.
Yeah.
Of course it is.
That's right.
Isn't it wonderful.
I'm going to have it framed and hang it in my bedroom.
You can RICKY: Hi.
Honey, honey, Look! Look! Hi, Rick.
The first thing your son ever did in school.
Well, how about that?! Isn't that great? Yes, it is.
Isn't it wonderful? Boy! I bet, I bet he's gonna be another Grandpa Moses.
You know what it is, don't you? Why, sure.
It's a It's an, it's an elephant sailing a houseboat.
Of course.
Sure.
What else could it be? That's right.
Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that wonderful the talent that child has shown in one day? Well, it's hereditary, you know.
Oh, hereditary! It's the nursery school.
It's working out fine just like I told you it would.
Like you? (chuckling): Mira que esta muchacha Hey, hey, hey, hey, now, watch your language.
The baby will be learning Spanish any day now.
(laughing) Oh, I think I hear the baby.
The baby learning Spanish! He's too young.
Well, I don't know.
I was speaking Spanish when I was his age.
Oh, well Well, I hope you are satisfied.
Well, what's the matter? The baby is sneezing.
Sneezing? I told you that nursery school is nothing but a hotbed of bacteria.
Dr.
Gettleman? This is Lucy Ricardo.
Something's wrong with our baby.
Can you come over right away? There's nothing to worry about, Mrs.
Ricardo.
It's just a mild tonsillitis.
Are you sure? Oh, yes.
I'll write you a prescription.
You and that nursery school! You can't blame it on the nursery school, Mrs.
Ricardo.
After all, this is the fourth attack of tonsillitis Little Ricky's had this year.
It's all your fault.
My fault? He just told you it had nothing to do with nursery school.
He inherited his weak tonsils from you.
What are you talking about? Everybody knows Cubans have weak tonsils.
Doctor, do Cubans have weak tonsils? Not that I ever heard of.
Thank you.
Well, he certainly didn't get them from me.
I had the strongest tonsils on the block.
They'd bulge with muscles.
People used to come from miles around saying, "Let me look at your tonsils.
" Oh Well I'm afraid you'll have a siege like this to look forward to every time he has a cold, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Oh, dear! As I strongly I advise that when this infection clears up, we remove those tonsils.
Oh, no, Doctor! Well, honey, we don't have to decide right now.
He's just a little baby! We can talk about it later.
I know, sweetheart.
Thank you for coming, Doctor.
I'll drop this at the drugstore and have them send it up.
That infection will clear up in a few days.
Well Good night.
Good night.
Good night, Doctor.
Oh LITTLE RICKY: Mama! Oh, I'm coming, dear.
LITTLE RICKY: Mama, my teddy bear.
Oh, he wants his teddy bear.
The patient is being flown in.
Tell all those medical students interested to be ready to come over as soon as we call.
This is a most unusual operation.
Good-bye.
Come on, honey.
Let's go.
Oh, I hate to leave the baby like this.
Honey, the operation was over hours ago.
The baby's in fine shape.
He's getting the best of care.
You haven't eaten all day.
Come on, you gotta eat something.
Oh, all right.
Nurse? Yes? Please take good care of our little boy until we get back.
Ricky Ricardo Jr.
, Room 602.
We will.
Okay.
I'll be right back as soon as I have dinner and then you won't have to bother, 'cause I'm gonna spend the night with him.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Parents are not allowed to stay overnight with their children.
Oh, but this is the first time our baby's ever been in a hospital and I promised him.
Oh, my dear, I'm sorry- regulations.
Re-re Well, well, we'll just have to get permission.
We'll have to call Dr.
Gettleman.
I'm afraid that won't do you any good.
But I I promised him.
But, honey Well, she says it's regulations.
But, honey, I promised him.
I promised him.
I I've never broken a promise to him in my life.
I know, honey.
Well, you shouldn't have promised And I-I promised that I'd bring him his teddy bear so he could to cuddle with it.
I know, honey, but there's nothing you can do about it.
It's against regulations.
There's nothing we can do about it.
Now, come on, let me get some dinner for you and have a good night's sleep, huh? Come on.
Good night.
See you in the morning.
Yeah.
See you in the morning.
Yes? Good evening.
Can I help you? No, thank you.
Are you a patient? Oh, of course.
The maternity ward is just in there, to the right.
Would you register first, please? (mumbling): in the morning.
Thank you.
Wait a minute! Say, did you just send up a maternity case? You didn't?! Thanks.
Madam? Madam! NURSE: Madam! Where did she go? Madam? Did a red-haired woman just go through here? I didn't see anyone.
Why? Well, she just ran right by my desk.
Patient? Maternity.
When? Any minute.
I mean, when did she run past you? Just now.
Look, if you see her let me know, will you? Okay.
(murmur of conversation) (hospital staff chattering) All right, nurse, we're ready for the next patient.
Uh, just a minute.
Let go.
What's the matter? M- M-My patient changed his mind.
He doesn't want an operation.
Do you? No, no, no.
He's decided to hang on to whatever it was you were gonna take out.
Oh, cut the nonsense.
Now, wait a minute.
Dr.
Barnett's waiting to perform this operation.
Believe me, this man does not want to be cut open! He does not want to be cut open! This man does not want to be cut open! Gentlemen, I want to apologize for calling you in here at this hour of the night, but this is a most unusual operation.
You may never have a chance of seeing anything like this again.
Thought you should see it.
I understand a few of you have never witnessed surgery before, and under those circumstances, we always have a few incidents of fainting.
Now, if you feel as though you're going to keel over, why, just step back, so you don't fall over the patient.
(clamoring) LUCY: Listen, you don't understand.
This is a mistake.
A big mistake.
Nurse, what's going on here? M- My patient has changed his mind.
He doesn't want to have the operation.
He doesn't want to have the operation? No, he doesn't want any part of this whole ordeal.
Well, why, you've got the sheet pulled over his head.
He can't stand the sight of blood.
Why, why, this is most unusual.
Oh, he says he wants to go home.
I'm gonna have to take him home.
He lives quite a ways from here- New Rochelle.
I have to take him all the way out there.
This is unusual.
Well, what patient is that? This is your patient for the operation, Doctor.
Well, what patient is this? (groaning) Get ahold of yourself.
Doctor! Nurse? Yes? Look, I'm looking for my wife, Mrs.
Ricardo, and I think she's in Room 602 with our child.
No, she couldn't be.
It isn't permitted.
Well, I got a feeling that that's where she is.
You evidently don't know our rules.
Well, you evidently don't know my wife.
No one missing from the psychiatric ward, Nurse.
Thank you, dear.
I'll keep looking.
Look, if you would just take me to Room Oh, I'm awfully sorry, but I just don't have the time.
The whole hospital's in a turmoil, trying to find some screwball, redheaded nurse that has gone berserk.
Was she carrying a teddy bear? How did you know? Well, let me put it this way.
I am looking for my screwball, redheaded wife who has been berserk for 15 years.
Now, if you'll just take me to this Room 602, I got a hunch that we're gonna solve both our problems.
Well, very well, but I'm quite sure it won't do a bit of good.
Well, you never can tell.
It's entirely against the rules.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Dr.
Gettleman was played by Olan Soule.
Dr.
Barnett was played by Howard Hoffman and the nurses were Iva Shepard, Maxine Semon, Bob Brubaker and Allan Ray.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.