I Love Lucy (1951) s05e14 Episode Script

Second Honeymoon

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy.
" (applause) (signing contentedly) Sailing, sailing over the bounty main (humming) (inhaling deeply) (exhaling) (inhaling deeply) Hi! Oh, hi, Ethel.
Oh, gee, isn't it wonderful being onboard ship? Oh, I'll say it is.
Weren't we lucky to have such wonderful weather! It's just sensational.
Where were you? We waited for you in the dining room.
Oh, Ricky and I had breakfast in here.
It was so romantic.
Just the two of us.
Come on in, honey.
(humming) Ahoy! Ha, ha! Gee, I feel wonderful.
This trip's gonna be like a second honeymoon.
Don't you feel that way, Ethel? You forget I'm married to Fred.
Can you imagine anything making him romantic? I can just see the two of you, after a couple of days at sea, standing at the rail in the moonlight, you'll be holding his hand.
If we're standing by the rail, I'll be holding his head.
Or he'll be maneuvering to throw me overboard.
Ha, ha! Well, for Ricky and me, it's gonna be just one long romantic interlude- five whole days of being together and having nothing to do but fun.
Will you wave to me once in a while so I won't get lonely? Oh, you gotta put Fred in the mood.
How? Well, look, here's the ship's newspaper- a whole schedule of activities.
I'm gonna sign Ricky and me up for everything.
Fred won't go for any of that stuff.
Well, then, you just come along with us.
Oh, fine, just what you've always wanted on your second honeymoon- a chaperon.
Well, don't worry, it'll all work out.
Hi, Ethel.
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, honey.
Gee, are we gonna have a wonderful day! Look at this schedule.
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
I got a schedule, too.
Listen to this.
Well, honey, are you gonna be that busy every day? I'm afraid so.
Well, aren't you gonna get any time for any of these things? I'm afraid not, honey.
Oh can't you Ping one little Pong? Now, look, honey, when we first talked about this trip, I said that I was gonna be very busy and I wouldn't have much time to spend with you.
And you said, "That's all right, dear.
" And I said, "Are you sure?" And you said What did you do- tape-record the whole conversation? Now, Lucy, that's the way it's gotta be, so why don't you make the best of it, huh? Well Come on, give me a smile.
Come on! That's my girl.
Oh, you mean on the whole trip, I'm not gonna be ab What happened with that smile? You mean on the whole trip, I'm not gonna be able to see you at all? Come on, come on.
Be a good girl.
Maybe after we're out at sea for a couple of days, I can get some time off.
I'll see you later.
(sighing) Oh (sighing) Some second honeymoon.
I might not even gonna see my husband for five days.
Well, look at it like this.
You haven't lost a husband.
You've gained a Ping-Pong partner- me.
Well, I guess you're better than nothing.
Thanks a lot.
Oh, I didn't really mean that.
I can't afford to offend you.
Oh, that's all right.
I can't afford to be offended.
Well, I'll change my clothes.
We might as well sign up for something.
Oh, that's gonna be great.
Two lonely dames.
Oh, there you are, baby doll.
I've been looking all over this boat for you, you little dickens.
Come on, honeybunch, let's not waste one single precious second of this trip.
Fred, what's in those seasick pills you've been taking? Now, sweetie pie, is that any way for you to talk to your apple dumpling? Fred, what's the matter with you? Nothing, sweetheart.
It's this ocean voyage, the sea air, you and I together.
It just gets me.
Yeah, in the head.
Now, listen, Ethel, this could be a second honeymoon, so don't louse it up.
Wait a minute.
Fred, do you really mean it? Of course I do, honey.
Look, we can play in all these tournaments and win them.
Now, will you come with me? Oh, anywhere, honey, anywhere.
Goodie! Goodie! Goodie! (laughing giddily) Okay, Ethel, I'm ready.
Oh, hi, Fred.
Hi! What? Lucy? I guess you'll have to find yourself another Ping-Pong partner.
How come? Well, we're gonna be on our second honeymoon, too.
(chuckling) The lovebug has bitten my Freddie.
The lovebug? I thought Fred had been vaccinated for that.
Honeybun, I'll go and get my sneakers and then we'll sign up for the Ping-Pong tournament.
Why, isn't he cute? Cute? Oh, boy, if the sea air affects him like this when we get back to New York, I'm gonna sell the apartment building and buy a houseboat.
Well, I hope you two lovebirds will be very happy.
Oh, come on, honey, you can play the games with us.
Oh, no, no, three's a crowd.
Oh, come on now, we'll get you another partner.
and Mrs.
Theodore Osterlander III- Ping-Pong.
Yes, sir? Well, we'd like to sign up.
And Mrs.
Fred Mertz.
Ping-Pong, shuffleboard, deck tennis or bridge? Yes, sir.
Oh, you want to sign up for all of them, huh? Isn't that right, honeybunch? (giggling) That's right, honey.
Newlyweds? (chuckling) Well, this is a second honeymoon.
Isn't it, babykins? Yes, it is.
All right, Mr.
and Mrs.
Fred Mertz.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, hello, Mrs.
Hello, I'd like to sign up for everything, but I'm particularly good at Ping-Pong.
I I really like that game I Well, uh, who will your partner be? Oh, well, I- at the moment- don't have a partner, but I thought perhaps Well, I'll play with anyone.
Well, I'll do what I can to get a partner for you, Mrs.
Ricardo, but right now all I have is couples.
Well, I'll, I'll wait outside.
All right.
(giggling) Oh, Freddie.
(laughing harder) Ethel, what's the name of this boat? The SS Constitution.
Why? Well, from the way everybody's paired up, I thought maybe it was the SS Noah's Ark.
Oh, honey.
I'll see you outside.
(clearing throat) Pardon me but do you play Ping-Pong? Well, as a matter of fact, I do.
Not very well, but I do like the game.
So do I, and I I noticed that they have Well, dear, they're ready for us.
Hello, darling.
Would you excuse me? Oh, surely.
Come on, Rocky.
That a boy.
Hi, honey.
Come on.
Get around there.
Come on.
Rocky and I had a nice walk.
You play Ping-Pong? Well, I always knew you were my best friend, but I didn't know you'd be my only one.
You'll never leave me, will you? You gonna stick with me, pal? You gonna be (sighing) Oh, pardon me, Mrs.
Ricardo, but I think I found you a partner.
Oh, really? Yes.
His name is Kenneth Hamilton.
Kenneth Hamilton.
I'll ask him to come over and see you.
Well, thank you very much.
You looking for someone? Yes.
Are you Mrs.
Ricardo? Yes.
Why? My name is Kenneth Hamilton.
Well, put her there, partner.
Ricky, what are you doing, sitting here in the room with me? Shouldn't you be somewhere? No, I still got three minutes before I have to start the dance.
Oh, goodie, goodie, gumdrop! Three whole minutes just for me.
Never mind.
It says here you played in the shuffleboard contest.
Not only played, we won.
Who's Kenneth Hamilton? Kenny, oh, he's a doll.
He's so cute.
(chuckling) He is? Yes.
He wanted me to keep the cup that we won, but I said, "Kenny, dear, you keep the cup.
It will remind you always of our " Wait a minute.
wonderful afternoon.
" Wait, wait, wait, wait Wait just a minute.
What do you mean, you said, "Kenny, dear"? Who is this guy anyway? Oh, he's just a nice, young man, unmarried, looking for someone to have a little fun with aboard ship.
Look, Lucy, you watch out.
There's a lot of wolves aboard these big ocean liners.
Oh-ho-ho, you're telling me.
What do you mean by that? Nothing.
Just "oh-ho-ho, you're telling me.
" Well, oh-ho-ho, I'm telling you, you keep away from that guy.
But I promised I'd dance with him tonight.
Well, you're not gonna dance with him tonight.
Oh, well, who will I be dancing with? You? Now, you know I'm gonna have to be working.
Well, then I'll just have to dance every dance with Kenny.
You don't have to dance no dances with Kenny.
But I promised him.
I don't care what you promised him! (knocking at door) Huh! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Come in, please.
Is Mrs.
Ricardo here? Oh, yes, right here.
I know you- you're Ricky Ricardo.
I'm pleased to meet you.
My name is Kenneth Hamilton.
Oh, ha, ha, ha! I am pleased to meet you, Kenny.
My mother says you should keep this.
Thank you, Kenny.
I'll see you tonight.
And don't forget she said she was gonna to dance with you.
I won't.
And as matter of fact, she told me she was gonna dance every dance with you.
Oh, boy! (laughing uncontrollably) (upbeat dance music playing) Everybody! Ay, ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay Canta y no llores Porque cantando se alegren, cielito lindo, los corazones.
Ay, ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay, ay.
Aha! (band playing finale) RICKY: Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Fred, you're a wonderful dancer.
You're a regular king of the samba.
Arthur Murray, look out.
(giggling) Whew! Wasn't that fun? Yeah.
Thank you, Kenny.
Thank you for the dance.
I have to go now.
It's past my bedtime.
Uh-oh, don't tell me.
I never forget a face.
Oh, yes, you're Ricky Ricardo.
Now, cut it out.
You know I have to be working.
You might be understanding.
I might be, yes, but let's face it, I'm a sea-going sorehead.
FRED: Say, kitten, how about a little walk out on the deck in the moonlight? You know what I mean? (giggling) Yes, sir.
Will you excuse us? Gladly.
Let's go, tiger.
He is one, too.
Tiger?! They're on their second honeymoon.
Haven't you heard? Come on, sit down.
The least you can do is talk with me for a while.
Ah, I got a few minutes.
Well, what have you planned for tomorrow? Well Pardon me, Mr.
Captain Jacobson would like to talk to you.
I'm awfully sorry, honey, but I Oh, that's all right.
Go right ahead.
I'm all talked out anyway.
See you later.
Ricky? Yes, dear.
What time do you finish tonight? Oh, about 2:30, I guess.
Well, I'm gonna wait for you.
We've gotta have some time together.
Honey, it'll be awfully late.
I don't care.
I'll, I'll wait on the promenade deck.
See you later.
Marco, play that song, all right? (lilting piano music playing) FRED: Can't a man sit on the stairs with his wife without somebody butting in? I'm sorry, Fred.
(Ethel giggling) RICKY: Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Marco.
Good night.
(muttering) Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, dear.
Oh, brother, am I beat.
Yeah, I know, but you just forget all about your work now.
This is fun time.
Let's dance.
Dance? Yeah.
There's no music.
Well, I'll hum.
(humming) Honey, I'd love to dance with you, but I've been standing on my feet all day long.
Of course you have, dear.
Do you want to take off your shoes? I'd like to take off my feet.
Well, forget all about dancing.
We'll, we'll just stand here and look at that big, yellow, romantic moon, huh? (sighing) Gee, isn't it beautiful? (yawning): Uh-huh.
(sighing) Ricky? Hmm? I thought this was going to be our second honeymoon.
It is, honey, it is.
(sniffling) Well, you haven't even kissed me.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, Ricky Excuse me, honey.
Excuse me.
We'll just stand here and look at the moon, huh? All right.
(snoring) (snoring loudly) (snoring loudly) Lucy, what did you want to see me about? Is something wrong? Ethel, you gotta help me.
Oh, no.
You don't even know what it's about.
I know that tone in your voice.
Now, this is important.
Listen, Lucy, I don't mind helping you out on dry land, but this is the high seas.
International law prevails.
It's just a simple, little thing.
What is it? What do you want to do? Kidnap Ricky.
A simple, little thing?! Oh, no, I'm not gonna have anything to do with it.
Ethel, aren't you Ar-Aren't you willing to help me spend just one evening just a few fleeting, golden moments alone with my husband? Well, as long as you put it that way, I'll do it.
Okay, now, when he comes in at 7:00 and goes in there to change his clothes, I'm going to lock the door and I'm going to give you the key.
Where will I be? Out on the deck.
I'll hand you the key through the porthole thusly and then you disappear.
Uh what happens when Ricky doesn't show up on the bandstand? Good thinking.
After I hand you the key, you tell Marco Ricky isn't feeling well and then you disappear.
Uh one more question, Raffles.
Yes? What about the telephone? I have disconnected the wires.
Good girl! Now, hall we synchronize our watches? Okay.
Not yet, Ethel.
You're early.
Well, Tiger's waiting for me on the upper deck, and I don't want to keep him waiting.
Listen, you've waited for 25 years.
You can wait a few more minutes.
Hi, dear.
What have you been doing? Oh, nothing much.
I supposed you want to get dressed and rush right off, so the bathroom is yours, dear.
Thank you.
(whispering): Ethel.
(sighing) Honey, I got a surprise for you.
Oh, you have a surprise for me? Yes, ma'am.
You and I are going to spend the entire evening together.
I fixed it so I could get the whole night off.
Oh, honey, how wonderful! Oh, Ricky, that's just great.
Isn't that great? Dinner first, and then dancing, and then a walk around the deck under the moonlight- you know, the whole romance bit.
Oh, who could ask for a? Yipe! What's the matter? Ethel! Ethel! Ethel! What's the matter? Oh, Ethel! Ethel! Ethel, come back! Ethel! Lucy, what's the matter with you? Ethel! Ethel! Lucy, what's the matter with you? Nothing.
Well, come back in here.
Uh okay.
Oh Come back in here! I can't.
What do you mean, you can't? I'm stuck.
Stuck? I can't get back.
Ricky, get me out of here.
Pull my legs.
I can't get you out.
Pull my legs.
Oh, Ricky, I'm stuck.
Well, wait a minute.
I'll go outside.
The door is locked.
Where's the key? What? Where's the key? I don't believe it.
The door is locked.
Where's the key? Oh, uh Ethel has it.
Ethel has it?! Yeah.
I-I had a surprise for you, too.
You were gonna be my prisoner.
Now, what what made you go and do a thing like that? Well, I don't know.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told you I was gonna get time off.
Yeah, well, I didn't know.
Of all the craziest, silliest things that you have ever done Good evening.
I don't understand it.
Never mind that.
This is no time to argue.
Get me out of here.
Pull my legs.
I tried that; it won't work.
Try it again, for heaven's sakes.
Oh, honey, I don't Good evening.
RICKY: Good evening.
How are you? Nice to see you Lucy, what's the matter? What's the matter? Oh, Ethel, give him the key.
The key? What good is the key? She's stuck.
She's stuck? What did he try to do to you? Oh, he didn't try to do anything to me.
I'm just stuck, that's all.
For heaven's sakes, somebody unstick me.
Pull my legs, Ricky! RICKY: Pull your legs? If I only had a few baseballs, I could make a fortune.
Oh, Fred.
What'll we do, honey? Try to pull me out of here.
Try to pull you out? Is your arm stuck right there? Oh, oh, wait a minute, everybody get together! (straining) (Lucy screaming) My love is true, amor tierno I promise you amor eterno So cling to me, dear, and say You'll never let me go Because I love you so, querida mia.
Oh, that was lovely, sweetheart.
Thank you.
We finally got to be alone together, didn't we, dear? Yes, baby.
(tittering) MAN: Is it cool enough to start again, Mrs.
Ricardo? Yeah, go ahead! Okay.
(hissing torch sound) ("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: Appearing in tonight's cast were Virginia Barbour, Harvey Grant, Bennett Green, Herb Lytton, Tyler McVey, Louis Nicoletti and Paula Winslowe.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.